Communicating Assertively

Sue Duraikan

2 minutes to share…

• One key learning point from online module on Communicating Assertively

• One challenge you still face in communicating assertively

Objectives

• Have a clearer idea of what it means to communicate assertively

• Be more confident to use assertive techniques in practice

Assertiveness is….

• …..a form of behaviour which demonstrates your self-respect and your respect for others

• …being able to stand up for your rights, wants, needs and opinions without denying those of others

Assertiveness starts in your head

Trigger Thoughts Feelings Behaviour

Responding to aggression

That was a disaster. What were you thinking of?

Look. We’re getting nowhere. Just let me

talk to your boss.

You’re wrong about that. I hear what you’re

saying, but we’ve got more important things to

deal with right now..

Rights and responsibilities

Right:To receive clear communicationResponsibility:To act on it appropriately

Right:To refuse certain requestsResponsibility:To communicate a clear reason for doing so

7 types of assertion

Making a requestDO•Be direct and concise•Give reason for request•Respect their right to refuse

DON’T•Over- apologise•Flatter and promise rewards•Take refusal personally•Try to wear them down!

Making requests (DESO)

• Describe the situation ‘The deadline for presenting the data is tomorrow.’

• Express how you are feeling

‘I’m concerned that I haven’t seen your results yet.’ • Specify what you would like to happen

‘Can you send me your results by 3 o’clock?’

• Outcome‘Then we can be sure of getting the data collated in time.’

Refusing a requestDO•Be polite ‘Thank you for...’ •Ask for more info or time•Keep it short but friendly•Repeat refusal•Speak slowly, steadily, warmly

DON’T•Over- apologise•Over-explain•Ask permission to say no•Hurt feelings

Expressing your opinionDO•Relax•Plan•Rehearse•Own your message: use ‘I’ statements•Be open

DON’T•Undermine yourself•Apologise•Be dogmatic•Bow to pressure

Making an impact

• Verbal: what you say 7%

• Vocal: how you sound 36%

• Visual: how you look 57%

VerbalVocalVisual

Passive-aggressive is…

Handling passive-aggressionDO

•Ask questions and listen

•Show you want to understand their perspective: ‘I seem to have upset you. Would you like to tell me what’s going on?’

•Communicate clearly

•Focus on what you need

•Be prepared for the long haul!

DON’T

•Be intimidated

•Focus on their behaviour

•Be impatient

Handling aggressionDO

•Use split-second self-talk ‘Stay calm, I can handle this.’

•Make time – sit down

•Aim to defuse: ask questions, listen, then communicate clearly

•Apologise if in error

•Seek help

DON’T•Be intimidated•Focus on their behaviour•Be impatient•Deflect questions•Invade their space•Feel you have to let it continue

Handling passive behaviour

• Empathy• Probing and listening• Supportive/encouraging

messages • Relaxed posture• Gentle tone of voice• Supportive facial

expression• Firm, clear message –

repeated if necessary

Your rights Their rights

Self talk

Visualise success

Behaviour

Outcome achieved Outcome avoided

TED talks

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html

• Fake it till you make it

• Fake it till you become it