Communication How would you describe “communication” and how it happens?

Communication

How would you describe “communication” and how it happens?

How would you rate your communication patterns with each other right now?

What are the reasons for rating it the way you do?

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Think about the communication history of your family.Mom

Dad

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You will both bring different communication skills & bad habits into your marriage.

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You will both bring different communication skills & bad habits into your marriage.

You will also create trends that your future children will be impacted by.

Principles to Bring Into Your Marriage:1. You each are entering this marriage following a different

set of rules.


set of rules.

• What rules have you noticed and what rules have you possibly missed so far in your fiancé?


set of rules.

2. Your days of being a students isn’t over.a. You need to spend time studying yourself.

Principles to Bring Into Your Marriage:“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.Matthew 7:1-5


set of rules.

2. Your days of being a students isn’t over.a. You need to spend time studying yourself.b. You need to spend time studying your spouse.

Principles to Bring Into Your Marriage:“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” James 1:9


set of rules.2. Your days of being a students isn’t over.3. How you view your differences will impact the way you

communicate.

Accepting each other’s differences is a vital key to effective communication.



communicate.4. Your communication isn’t a competition.

a. Resolving conflict requires a special attitude-one of humility, of placing the relationship at a higher priority than the conflict

itself

Principles to Bring Into Your Marriage:“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”Genesis 2:18



communicate.4. Your communication isn’t a competition.

Key Ingredients in the Recipe of Communication:

1. Warmth


1. Warmth2. Genuineness


1. Warmth2. Genuineness3. Empathy


1. Warmth2. Genuineness3. Empathy• What does the situation, conversation, problem, or event look and feel like

from my spouse’s perspective?• How is their perception different from mine?


1. Warmth2. Genuineness3. Empathy4. Listening


• Focus on what is being said rather than how you feel about what is said• Focus on the way it is being said: tone of voice, posture,

etc. rather than the words only.• Focus on clarification of valid points rather than defense of

incorrect accusations.• Focus on questions rather than indictments.• Focus on understanding rather than judgment.


1. Warmth2. Genuineness3. Empathy4. Listening

Out of these key ingredients, can you identify one that you need to refocus on or implement immediately to your fiancé? Why?

The Art of Grace, Apology, & Forgiveness

The Definition of Grace:Desiring the best for your spouse, even when they may not deserve it.

“Grace is not our default mode. It’s contrary to our hardwiring. But there are two things we need to know. First, the Holy Spirit can give us power to flip off the switch of our self-protective mode regardless of how bad the circumstances get in our marriage. Secondly, although there’s pain in choosing to exercise grace, there’s far more pain, sorrow, and fallout when we choose not to.”

Tim Kimmel author of Grace Filled Marriage

If you’re not reflecting on the grace Jesus has given you, it will be hard for you to be a grace giver to your spouse.


The Actions of Grace:1. When we live out grace we will be people who know how to

say “I’m sorry”.


The Actions of Grace:1. When we live out grace we will be people who know how to

say “I’m sorry”.2. If we understand the grace of Jesus we can then move towards

the action of forgiveness.

Grace needs to be the beginning, middle, and the end of your life and marriage.

Tools Now

1. Buy a journal.

Tools Now

1. Buy a journal.

2. The Daily Delay

Tools Now

1. Buy a journal.

2. The Daily Delay

3. The Weekly Withdrawal

Tools Now

1. Buy a journal.

2. The Daily Delay

3. The Weekly Withdrawal

4. The Annual Abandon

Discussion Questions:• What is something that stood out to you today and why?• What do you need & expect from your future spouse in terms of being open

and deep in communication? How do your needs & expectations differ?• How would you explain the communication styles your parents had? What

would you like to bring into your marriage and what would you like to leave out?• How did you rate your communication patterns right now and why do you

rate them that way?• Out of the key ingredients, can you identify one that you need to refocus on

or implement immediately towards your fiancé? Why?• What fears do you have about your communication after the wedding day?

What practical steps could your fiancé take to ease those concerns?

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Communication How would you describe “communication” and how it happens?