COMMUNICATION...On my 31st birthday I discovered personal development, and it was life transforming. Since then, I have been on a deliberate path to expand my consciousness. I have

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COMMUNICATION & PRESENTATION

Karen Brunger BHEc, AICI CIP

Maximize your success quotient

Optimize your appearance behaviour communication 905.303.8636 www.imageinstitute.com

Other Workbooks Personal Image Colour Style Wardrobe Personality Style Holistic Image Etiquette Developing Your Consulting Business Books

Copyright by Karen Brunger. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, or be resold without

the express written consent of the author. Printed in Canada. May 2013 Edition. ISBN: 978-0-9737917-9-2

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I N T R O D U C T I O N

FOREWORD Communication is a key aspect of image. This book covers both interpersonal communication and presentation skills. Activities for both classroom and self-directed learning are listed throughout the book to help integrate the information. KAREN BRUNGER, BHEc, AICI CIP, is Founder and President of the International Image Institute Inc., and a recipient of the Award of Excellence. An international Past-President of the Association of Image Consultants International (AICI), she also served for four years as the international VP Education, continues to serve as CEU Chair, and is the Global Magazine Business Editor. She is also a founding member and a Past President of the Toronto Chapter of AICI. A pioneer in the industry, Karen has facilitated the transformation of thousands through her holistic approach. Her systems and products are currently used in 70 countries, and she has presented on 5 continents. Karen has also conducted workshops for over 100 organizations and various levels of government.

Karen is co-author of Executive Image Power and Bushido Business, has contributed to numerous other books, and is a contributing writer to Active Magazine. She is a regular guest expert in the media with over 200 interviews, including CBC, CTV, Global, Canadian Press, Flare Magazine, Oxygen Magazine, What Magazine, National Post, Vancouver Sun, Edmonton Journal, Toronto Star, Ottawa Citizen, Montreal Gazette, and numerous radio stations.

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C O N T E N T S BEHAVIOUR Influences on Behaviour 2

Behaviour Typing Systems 8

Behaviour Styles 14

Communication Styles 19

Understanding Communication 20

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Linguistics 26

Paralinguistics 33

Kinesics 37

Vibration 49

Listening 51

Networking 54

Conversing 55

Relationship Building 57

Facilitating 60

Negotiating 62

Leadership and Team Building 65

Interviewing 71

Writing 76

PRESENTATION SKILLS Set-Up 81

Planning the Presentation 88

Preparing the Presentation 95

Delivering the Presentation 111

The Wrap-Up 121

APPENDIX Answers 124

Activities 125

Resources 126

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P A R T 1

BB EE HH AA VV II OO UU RR

“Behaviour is the mirror in which everyone shows their image” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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I N F L U E N C E S O N B E H A V I O U R Why do we do what we do? There are four major influences on our behaviour, which in turn affects our communication:

Needs

Motives

Perceptions

Attitudes

NEEDS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS In a discussion about needs, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is typically represented. In this model, each stage is satisfied before the next stage is reached. As we or our circumstances change, we may continue to go through these stages in a cycle. The nature of the communication we have could depend on the stages that we’re operating from. Here is an explanation of the stages:

Physiological – food, clothing, shelter

Safety – income, security

Social – friends, clubs, community

Esteem – self-respect and respect from others

Self-actualization – fulfilling our potential

physiological

safety

social

esteem

Self- actualization

KAREN BRUNGER

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ACTIVITY B1 ASSESS NEEDS 1. At what stage/s would your clients be? 2. What stages does your product or service satisfy?

MOTIVES What motivates us may be different from what motivates others. The root word of motive is move. Generally, we want to move away from tension or discomfort and move toward pleasure or comfort. What brings us pleasure or discomfort is unique to each of us. We value different internal and external states. The amount of tension or discomfort we feel relates to how far away we are from our ideal situation. We can either take action to move towards our ideal, or bring our ideal closer to our current situation. To discover what motivates someone, ask: “What is important to you in….?”

ACTIVITY B2 ASSESS MOTIVES What do you value? Choose the most important and rank them in order from 1 to 10. You may have values not on this list, so feel free to add.

tensionideal

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviour. Keep your behaviour positive because your behaviour becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi


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___approval from others

___recognition

___opportunity to be heard

___opportunity to learn

___high self-esteem

___spiritual enlightenment

___self-actualization

___self-expression

___supportive relationships

___make a difference

___independence

___prosperity

___confidence

___physical fitness

___health

___adventure

___beauty

___passion

___love

___security

___family/friends

___freedom

___excitement

___contentment

___openness

___persistence

___happiness

___fulfillment

___strength

___peace

___joy

___fun

___poise

___power

___comfort

___trust

___balance

___focus

___honesty

___charisma

___vitality

___wealth

___other

PERCEPTIONS Perceptions are the meanings we attribute to situations. How we perceive depends on stimulus factors and individual factors. Stimulus factors are external and factual – size, colour, shape, sound, movement etc. The more obvious the stimulus, the more likely we are to pay attention. Individual factors are internal and subjective – past experience, expectations, beliefs, etc.

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SELECTIVE PERCEPTION At any moment we are exposed to approximately 20 million bits of information. What we take in through our senses – sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste – and into our awareness is about 7 2 (5 - 9) bits of information. The reticular activating system (RAS), part of our brain, acts as a filter. It’s able to process about 40,000 bits of information through the subconscious at any moment. What we do not delete, we may distort or generalize. The information that passes through the filter is based on:

Survival needs

Programs – our automatic responses from past experiences, expectations, and what has already been programmed into our system

Beliefs – especially those strongly held

Values and goals

Self-image If a stimulus is too far outside of our past experience or belief, it may not even exist for us. Have you ever learned a new word or idea, and then started hearing it everywhere? It was always there – it just was not getting past the filter. So how do we open ourselves to become aware of more stimuli? We can:

Set a goal or intention. We will then be open to receiving the information, people, and events to help us achieve the goal.

Set the intention to expand awareness.

Be open to new ideas and beliefs.

Expand our self-image. We need to be aware that our listeners or audience may have different perceptions from us!


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My Perception Story On my 31st birthday I discovered personal development, and it was life transforming. Since then, I have been on a deliberate path to expand my consciousness. I have taken self-awareness workshops, read self-help books, and explored alternative healing modalities. I even practice a process called energy shifting.

Three years into my personal development journey, we moved to another house. I discovered a long-forgotten box of my university textbooks. In a bout of nostalgia, I leafed through the books. One book stood out from the rest as being entirely unfamiliar. As I looked through it, I got very excited. “My gosh”, I thought! “This book has everything I’ve been learning on personal growth, and even beyond! If only I’d had this book when I was younger, how different my life would have been!”.

In curiosity I looked at the flyleaf to see if I could locate the owner of this incredible book. It was me! There was my university signature! Even though the book belonged to me, it wasn’t until I had set the intention to expand my awareness, that for me the book even existed.

SUBLIMINAL PERCEPTION Subliminal perception refers to the threshold at which a stimulus is conscious or not. Since we vary greatly in our thresholds of consciousness, each of us has a different level of awareness.

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” ~ W.B. Yeats

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” ~ Confucius

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ATTITUDES Attitudes have three components:

1. What we think – our evaluations

2. What we feel – our emotions

3. How we act – what we do about it. Attitudes are formed over time. Attitudes come from expectations, expectations come from beliefs, and beliefs come from experiences. To change an attitude we need to change the experience. A new experience can lead to a fresh evaluation, different feelings, and a change in action. ACTIVITY B3 CHANGE AN ATTITUDE You are facilitating an image workshop to an audience that is less than receptive to image improvement. They are friendly towards you, but just don’t believe that they need help with image. As an image consultant, you can see that there is great potential for improvement. How could you change the attitude of the audience?

Attitude

Expectation

Belief

Experience

“It’s your attitude, not your aptitude, that determines your altitude.” ~ Zig Ziglar

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B E H A V I O U R T Y P I N G S Y S T E M S There are many systems for analyzing behaviour and personality types. The typologies are based on body, feeling, mind, or spirit. Using typing tools allows us to have a clearer idea of ourselves and others, which benefits our relationships. If you are an image consultant, you may choose to add any of these typologies to your assessment strategies. The following lists are just to give you an idea of the breadth of systems available.

BODY TYPOLOGIES Somatotype Ectomorph, Mesomorph, Endomorph. Developed by William

Sheldon.

Gynandromorphy The degree of male and female characteristics.

Yin/Yang The degree of passive, receptive female qualities (yin), and active, projective, male qualities (yang). From Chinese Taoism.

BMI Body Mass Index. Weight in kilograms is divided by height in meters squared.

Body Geometry The shape we build within our postures and musculature. Wilhelm Reich theorized that our emotions become embedded in our bodies.

Physiognomy The science of reading faces.

Siang Mien The Chinese art of reading faces.

Palmistry The art of reading palms.

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Chinese Elements

Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water. This science was popularized in Image Consulting by Evana Maggiore.

Wu-Xing Explorer, Magician, Nurturer, Alchemist, Thinker. From Chinese philosophy.

Doshas Vata, Pitta, Kapha. From Ayurveda.

Humor Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, Phlegmatic. From Hippocrates. Rudolph Steiner used these types in his work with children.

Dominant Brain Head, Heart, Belly/Hand. Gurdjieff’s aim was to bring these three together in harmony so that one could awaken to her/his real potential.

Brain Hemisphere

Left – analytical; Right – intuitive.

Astrology Includes duality of Active, Passive; triad of Cardinal, Fixed, and Mutable; quatrad of Earth, Water, Fire, and Air; and the sun sign, the ascendant sign, and the houses.

Chinese Astrology

The year of birth is represented by one of 12 animals.

Dr. Abravenel’s Types

Thyroid (lively), Adrenal (steady), Pituitary (curious), Gonad (sexual).

Blood Types O – hunter, A – agrarian, B – flexible; dairy, white meat, AB - combination


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EMOTIONAL TYPOLOGIES Head/Heart Heart oriented, Head oriented.

Expansive/Contractive Expansive: euphoria, freedom; Contractive: pain, imprisonment.

Outlook Optimistic: joyful; Pessimistic: negative.

Emotion Calm, Phobic.

Goddess Wheel Athene, Artemis, Aphrodite, Persephone, Hera, Demeter.

Archetypes of Women Maiden, Nymph, Child-Bearer, Wise Woman.

Archetypes of Men King, Lover/Troubadour, Mage, Knight.

Motivation Courtesan – the indulger, Warrior – in pursuit of power, Observer – the non-involved.

Involvement Indifferent, Compassionate.

Communication Extrovert, Introvert.

THINKING TYPOLOGIES Reasoning Type

Verbal, Perceptual, Spatial, Numerical, Technical, Analytical.

Gender Male, Female.

DISC Dominator, Influencer, Stabilizer, Conscientious. See www.discprofile.com for more information.

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Belbin’s Team Members

Chair, Shaper, Plant, Resource Investigator, Team Worker, Company Worker, Monitor Evaluator, Finisher.

Corporate Type Maker, Survivor, Team Player, Gamester.

Enneagram 1: Judge; 2: Helper; 3: Performer; 4: Artist; 5: Observer; 6: Hero; 7: Opportunist; 8: Chief; 9: Peacemaker. Introduced to the west by Gurdjieff. Adapted to the image industry by Alyce Parsons.

Enneagram Triangles

Sensing, Feeling, Thinking.

Enneagram Instinctual Subtype

Self-preserving, Social, Sexual.

Intelligence Type

Linguistic, Logical-Mathematical, Spatial, Musical, Body-Kinaesthetic, Interpersonal, Intrapersonal. Proposed by Howard Gardner.

Humour Preference

Satirical, Nonsensical, Sexual, Aggressive.

Myers Briggs S - sensing, N - intuition, T - thinking, F - feeling, E - extrovert, I - introvert, P - perception, J - judgement.

Rapport Type Red - power, Blue - intimacy, White - peace, Yellow - fun.

True Colour Orange - trouble shooter/negotiator, Gold - stabilizer/ traditionalist, Blue - catalyst, Green - visionary.

NLP Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic.

Style Types Dramatic, Natural, Classic, and Romantic are types commonly used by image consultants. International Image Institute uses these terms with the addition of Aristocratic and Creative.


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SPIRITUAL TYPOLOGIES Gurdjieff’s 7 Soul Stages

The first 3 are unawakened; the 4th is the bridge to the 3 higher centers of awakening: 1) Sexual 2) Emotional 3) Mental 4) Instinctive 5) Moving 6) Higher Emotional 7) Higher Mental.

Leibniz’s Perennial Philosophy

1) Physical body 2) Etheric body – life-giving force 3) Astral body – independent consciousness 4) Self – egoistic consciousness 5) Manas – individual cosmic intelligence 6) Buddhi – divine cosmic principle 7) Atman – enlightenment.

Chakras 1) Muladhara - earth (survival) 2) Svadhistara – water (sexual) 3) Manipura – fire (power) 4) Anahata – air (heart) 5) Vishuddha – ether (turn inward) 6) Ajna – intuition (3rd eye) 7) Sahasrara – spiritual (enlightenment).

Hindu 7 Bodies 1) Gross 2) Etheric 3) Astral 4) Psychic 5) Spiritual 6) Cosmic 7) Nirvanic.

Belief Believer, Agnostic, Atheist, Self-Discoverer.

Existentialist Type Traditional Religious, Materialist, Self-Discovery.

Life Approach 1) Physical - evolution, chance, luck, survival, material; 2) Psychic - shamanism, magic, manipulation of material world, imagination, empowerment; 3) Mystic - spiritual, oneness, surrender, indifferent to worldly things, trust, truth.

Religious Type 1) Christianity 2) Judaism 3) Islam 4) Hinduism 5) Sikhism 6) Buddhism 7) Taoism 8) Shinto.

Spiritual Paths Body type: 1) Yogi 2) Ascetic 3) Dervish; feeling types: 4) Devotee 5) Prayerful 6) Lover; thinking types: 7) Philosopher Sage 8) Realist 9) Mind/No Mind.

Soul Types 1) Essence 2) Engagement 3) Inspiration 4) Alignment 5)

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Understanding 6) Insight 7) Vision 8) Integrity 9) Integration.By Sheets & Covey (www.newequations.com).

ACTIVITY B4 RESEARCH A TYPOLOGY Research a typology and write 150 words describing how you could apply it as an image consultant.

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0

5

10

15

20

25

30

Motivator DirectorSupporter Analyzer

B E H A V I O U R S T Y L E S Identifying behaviour styles allows us to not only understand our own behaviour, but develop strategies to effectively communicate with others. This section outlines the qualities, action tendencies, and values of four typical behaviour styles:

Motivator

Supporter

Director

Analyzer We can represent these styles to any degree. We may be very strong on one or two, or strong on none. ACTIVITY B5 IDENTIFY YOUR BEHAVIOUR STYLE For each of the four styles, check off the qualities, action tendencies, and values that match you most of the time. Add the total number of check marks you got for each style. There are a total of 30 listed for each. Motivator: _____/30

Supporter: _____/30

Director: _____/30

Analyzer: _____/30 You can plot the numbers on this graph.

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MOTIVATOR QUALITIES

Influential

Positive

Expressive

Enthusiastic

Persuasive

Outspoken

Open

Frank

Entertaining

Sociable

Creative

Spontaneous

A good conversationalist

A dreamer

Intuitive ACTION TENDENCIES

Focus on generalities

Support dreams and plans

Coach

Make quick decisions

Take risks

Plan

Have high expectations

Tell others what they feel

Speak with animation

Use animated gestures and expressions

Smiles with a warm, friendly demeanour

VALUES

Friendship and camaraderie

Being in the limelight

Prestige

Looking good PROTOTYPE

Anthony Robbins TO WORK WITH THE MOTIVATOR

Be stimulating

Use testimonials

Be a friend; be close and warm

Present the “big picture”

Use emotional benefits

Recognize them as being important


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SUPPORTER QUALITIES

Steady

Supportive

Amiable

Friendly

Likable

Cooperative

Loyal

Reliable

A team player

Generous

Family-oriented

Nurturing

Accepting ACTION TENDENCIES

Seek agreement or consensus

Seek solutions

Get the job done

Build relationships

Support people and emotions

Counsel

Make careful decisions

Ask others what they feel

Speak softly and evenly

Move slowly and deliberately

Use even, moderate gestures

Have a caring, approachable demeanour

VALUES

Stability and continuity

Safety and security

Harmony

Tradition PROTOTYPE

Mahatma Gandhi TO WORK WITH THE SUPPORTER

Be sincere and friendly

Build rapport quickly

Talk long-term

Talk about their family

Don't rush; allow time for conversation

Don't pressure them

Reassure them

Help them decide based on their values

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DIRECTOR QUALITIES

Driven

Decisive

Determined

Dictatorial

Assertive

Forthright

Competitive

Objective

Courageous

Self-reliant

Self-controlled

Independent

Time-oriented

ACTION TENDENCIES

Take a leadership role

Get to the point

Take action

Take risks

Expect the best

Tell others what to do

Conceal emotions

Speak loudly and assertively

Move with speed and power

Make direct eye contact

Have a formal, serious demeanour VALUES

Control

Power

Multiple choices

Immediate results

Time

Success

PROTOTYPE

Winston Churchill TO WORK WITH THE DIRECTOR

Be efficient

Be punctual

Get to the bottom line

Avoid small talk and introspective discussions

Dress professionally

Stress quick results

Ask questions

Put everything in writing

Give them choices


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ANALYZER QUALITIES

Analytical

Critical

Logical

An information specialist

Systematic

A problem-solver

Task-oriented

Neat and organized

Punctual

Concept-oriented

Money and numbers oriented ACTION TENDENCIES

Gather data

Look for what doesn’t work

Research facts before deciding

Slow to make a decision

Second guess decisions

Analyze

Work independently

Comply with rules

Keep feelings hidden

Ask others what they are doing

Speak evenly, less intonation

Use minimal eye contact

Use minimal expressions

Use minimal gestures and movements

Have a serious, less responsive demeanour

VALUES

Facts

Information and details

Logic

Fairness PROTOTYPE

Albert Einstein TO WORK WITH THE ANALYZER

Be correct

Give details and facts

Stress rational, logical reasons

Give quick, precise answers

Compliment them

Tell them what to do; give reasons why, and put things in perspective

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C O M M U N I C A T I O N S T Y L E S Each of us may have a preferred communication or learning style. If we’re in communication with someone who does not incorporate mannerisms from our preferred style, we may get bored, tune out, or not fully comprehend the content. The three major communication styles are Kinaesthetic, Auditory, and Visual.

Kinaesthetic Auditory Visual

Movements Slow Moderate speed Fast

Energy Minimal Moderate energy High energy

Gestures Close to body Moderately away from body Expansive

Hand gestures Below waist Around waist Above waist

Speech rate Slow Moderate speed Fast

Pitch Low Well-modulated High

Words “feel” “hear” “see”

Talks about Emotions Sounds Pictures

Appreciates Touch Story telling, conversation Looks

Values Comfort Music Beauty ACTIVITY B6 IDENTIFY YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE For each of the three styles, check off the one in each row that most applies to you. Add up the number in each column. Kinaesthetic: _____ Auditory: _____ Visual: _____

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U N D E R S T A N D I N G C O M M U N I C A T I O N

WHAT IS COMMUNICATION? Communication is:

A process it cannot be reversed or repeated exactly.

A system a source sends a message through a channel to a receiver.

An interaction any person involved is changed or adapts to the change of another.

Transactional we share our reality and ourselves.

Functional it produces change or adaptation to change.

COMMUNICATION INTENTION This chart shows levels of intention in sending and receiving messages. The higher the intention on either side, the more effective the communication. An example is given for each level. INTENT TO RECEIVE NO INTENT TO RECEIVE

INTENT TO SEND

Conversation Advertising

NO INTENT TO SEND

Observing body language Overhearing a conversation

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Intended Message

Encode Message

Transmit Message

SOURCE

Start Here

Decode

Message

Respond

Receive Message

RECEIVER

COMMUNICATION CYCLE This communication cycle starts with an intended message from the source, who chooses their words, and transmits the message through a ‘channel’. The receiver decodes the message, and then starts the cycle over again as they encode and transmit their feedback to the source.

CHANNEL In-person Video Audio Written

FEEDBACK

In-person Video Audio

Written


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COMMUNICATION BARRIERS Barriers to communication can happen at any stage of the cycle. BARRIERS TO ENCODING THE MESSAGE

We have a limited vocabulary or we use words incorrectly.

We do not say what we really mean.

We assume the person will understand.

Our tonality is incongruent with the message, or our voice interferes with the message. For example, we do not speak loudly enough.

Our body language or appearance is incongruent with the message, or it interferes with the message.

BARRIERS TO THE CHANNEL

Outside noise, distractions, or “static”, interfere with the transmission.

The message gets lost in the channel – mail, answering machine, through a third party, etc.

BARRIERS TO DECODING THE MESSAGE

We think we already know what the person is going to say.

We let the mind wander or we daydream.

Something else is contending for our attention at the same time.

We think that the role of the listener is a passive one.

We don't understand the words that are used.

We have a different meaning for the words that are used than the one intended.

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We are confused by the incongruence of the non-verbal communication with the verbal.

Because of our perceptions, we put our own interpretation on what is being said.

We move from observation to generalization.

We are not interested in what is being said.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION When the words, tonality and body language are in alignment, the message is congruent. If the verbal and non-verbal messages conflict, the non-verbal carries more weight. Effective communication is when the message that is intended and the message that is received are in alignment. Non-verbal messages are being sent constantly, primarily nonconsciously. By interpreting non-verbal cues, a receiver with a high level of awareness and intention can receive a much richer message. Consider the situation, culture, and relationship when interpreting messages. We can take responsibility for ensuring our listeners receive the message we intend. We can ask for questions and feedback to ensure that our communication is effective. We may repeat the communication, encode the message a different way, and use multiple channels. We can ensure our listeners are open to receive the communication. If their minds are full with other thoughts, they might not have room for ours! Giving them space to share their thoughts can effectively clear the space so that they are able to focus on our message.

verbalvisual

vocal

More congruent

Messageintended

Messagereceived


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Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah

“The meaning of my message is the response I get.” ~ Bandler/Grinder

ACTIVITY B7 ELIMINATE COMMUNICATION BARRIERS Think of a miscommunication you have experienced. Analyze the barrier or barriers that created the miscommunication. What could you do to keep this type of mis-communication from occurring?

When the mind is full, it needs to be cleared to make space for something new

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P A R T 2

II NN TT EE RR PP EE RR SS OO NN AA LL CC OO MM MM UU NN II CC AA TT II OO NN

“Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.”

~ Paul Meyer

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L I N G U I S T I C S Language is a reflection of society. As society changes, language changes.

GENDER-NEUTRAL In English-speaking countries that practice gender equality, people tend to be aware of gender neutral language. I’m still including this section, however, and look forward to the time when it will no longer be necessary. GENDER EXCLUSION When we assume that a job or activity is for a specific gender, we’re excluding the other gender. One of my clients was once asked if she was a “female engineer”, as if female was in her job title. To what extent do we assume gender for each of the following jobs?

Pilot Nurse Homemaker Receptionist ACTIVITY C1 CHANGE JOB TITLES TO BE GENDER NEUTRAL A gender-neutral job title is one in which the gender is not referenced in the title. This means that job titles would not include the suffixes man, woman, or ess. Here are some examples of job titles that are considered obsolete. Next to each, write in the gender-neutral title. Only one job title correctly ends with person.

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Policeman

Fireman

Mailman

Foreman

Salesman

Chairman

Stewardess

Waitress

Actress

Hostess

Seamstress

POSITIVE Imagine a baseball game. The events on the baseball diamond are factual. They can be televised, and distances and speeds can be measured. In the bleachers are people observing, interpreting, and evaluating the events on the diamond. Depending on visibility, past experience, and personal biases, they may have quite different perspectives. We can make distinctions between language that is factual, and language that is interpretive. This is especially important when the interpretation has a negative connotation. Belittling words can also damage the credibility of the person making the judgement. If we would like to move from a negative connotation we can:

1. reframe to a positive connotation, or

2. ascertain the facts ACTIVITY C2 REFRAME TO A POSITIVE CONNOTATION For each “fact” listed in the following chart, reframe the negative connotation to a positive connotation


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Fact (measurable) Negative

Connotation Positive Re-Frame

Size 8 Skinny

Size 8 Fat

$100.00 Cheap

$100.00 Expensive

Works 30 hours/week Lazy

Works 30 hours/week Works too hard

Irregular features according to standards

Ugly

Made 1 statement in 5 minutes

Shy

Made 3 statements in 5 minutes

Obnoxious

35 years of age Young

35 years of age Old

Papers to sign Contract

Wants to win the lottery Unrealistic

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EMPOWERED Language can empower or inhibit. According to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), the language that we use can program us for either success or sabotage. ACTIVITY C3 CHANGE VICTIM LANGUAGE TO EMPOWERED Re-write each victim statement to be empowered. The first one is done for you.

Victim Language Empowered Language

I can’t I will not

There’s nothing I can do

You should have

I have to

It’s not our fault

I can’t help it

That’s just the way I am

You’re lucky

I’ll try

She intimidates me

He makes me mad

I’m sorry; I don’t know how to tell you this, but….


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HIGH INTENTION VS LOW INTENTION Intention can range from high to low. High-intention words make the message absolute, and low-intention words make the message soft. Low intention phrases include:

I wish

I hope

I would like

I will try

It seems to me

In my opinion

I’m not sure, but

I think that

High intention phrases include:

I will

I have

I am

I want

I choose

I know

I believe

I am sure

CLEAR Here are some tips to help us gain clarity in communication. ACTIVE VERSUS PASSIVE Active verbs have power, passive verbs are weak. Active verbs are important to use in résumés, marketing material, and reports. Passive verbs include:

Learn

Know

Understand

Active verbs include:

Develop

Coordinate

Produce

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An active sentence has a subject – verb – object sequence. For example:

Passive: The colour analysis was done by the consultant.

Active: The consultant analyzed the colours. GET TO THE POINT VS DISTRACTING Distracting language keeps us from getting to the point. Here are some examples that we can eliminate in order to get to the point.

Hedge: to tell you the truth; for all intents and purposes

Bromide or Cliché: without further ado; money doesn’t buy happiness

Filler: um, er, like, eh, ah, basically, actually

Slang: he goes (instead of he says); you guys (instead of you)

CONCISE ACTIVITY C4 Eliminate unnecessary words. Re-write these phrases to be

concise.

The amount of $100

Unexpected surprise

Advance warning

Future plans

Free gift

End result

“Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all.” ~ Winston Churchill


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ACTIVITY C5 Use short, familiar words. Re-write these words and phrases to be short and familiar.

Utilize

Effect modifications

Fully operational

Of sufficient magnitude

Commence

We have every intention of

Unusual in nature

SPECIFIC Make your ideas specific to be understood.

The player scored: Gretzky scored

Vehicle: Black stretch Rolls Royce

Woman: Ilana, my neighbour SELF-REFERENCE When we talk about our own experience, say “I” instead of “you” or the general “we”. I once heard a speaker say, “We don’t take time to meditate.” If there were members in the audience who do take time to meditate, she had now disconnected from them. Instead, she could say, “I don’t take time to meditate”.

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P A R A L I N G U I S T I C S Paralinguistics is the study of paralanguage, which is any non-verbal way of adding meaning or emotion to the verbal communication. It includes inflection, pitch, rate, volume, vocalizations, and pronunciation.

INFLECTION Inflection refers to where the emphasis is placed within a statement, phrase, or word. Inflection adds emotion and can change the meaning of a sentence. When we speak with no inflection, no judgement is heard. This neutral tonality is used for diplomacy and negotiating. An upward inflection questions. If we make statements with an upward inflection, it sounds as if we don’t believe what we are saying. A downward inflection has authority. The more we use a downward inflection, the more dominant we sound. Depending on where the upward or downward inflection is placed, a different meaning can be discerned.

To add warmth to the voice, we can speak with a smile in the eyes and lifted cheekbones. ACTIVITY C6 GETTING TO A NEUTRAL TONALITY Practice these statements with the following tonalities:

1) aggressive/attacking

2) apologetic/defensive

3) neutral.

I will not have this ready for you today.

It’s time to review your performance.

There seems to be an issue with body odour.


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A TONALITY STORY I was involved in an organization in which the President and Vice-President seemed to have some communication challenges with each other. Each year in May we held a gala and silent auction. Two weeks prior to our gala, I received a call from the Vice-President.

In what I would describe as an aggressive tonality, he said “Our gala is coming up in two weeks. And she [president] is going away this weekend -- for her birthday!”

As the words he used were neutral with no judgement, I simply repeated back what he said, but with a neutral tonality. “The gala is coming up in two weeks, and she is going away this weekend for her birthday.”

“Well….yes,” he said. I asked, “Is there anything that needs to be done this weekend while she’s away?” “No, it can wait,” he replied, his anger diffused.

My phone rang once again. The President. In a very defensive tonality, she said, “Our gala is coming up in two weeks. And I’m going away this weekend for my birthday”. I repeated back in a neutral tonality, “The gala is coming up in two weeks, and you are going away this weekend for your birthday.”

“Well….yes,” she said. I asked, “Is there anything that needs to be done this weekend while you’re away?” “No, it can wait,” she replied, her guilt gone.

VOICE QUALITY PITCH Pitch refers to the highness or lowness of the voice. A lower pitch has more credibility and control than a high pitch. A varied pitch has more interest than a monotone, which can sound boring.

VOLUME A moderate volume is confident and is appropriate most of the time. The volume can also be adjusted for the situation.

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A loud voice commands attention, but on-going may sound insensitive or dictatorial. A quiet voice conveys sensitivity and confidentiality, but on-going may sound self-effacing or powerless.

RATE A moderate rate can sound confident, and is appropriate most of the time. A slower rate can sound thoughtful, but on-going may sound like a ‘slow mind’. A faster rate can create a sense of urgency; but on-going may sound frivolous.

PARALANGUAGE VOCALIZATIONS Other vocalizations that can add or detract from the communication include

Throat clearing

Coughing

Laughing

Snorting

Gasping

Sighing

PRONUNCIATION Here are some commonly miss-pronounced words.

Gonna going to

Probly probably

Bedder better

Didja did you

Gimme give me

Subbosedly supposedly ACTIVITY C7 ASSESS YOUR TONALITY Record your voice during natural conversation. What did you notice? Is there anything you would like to improve?


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ACTIVITY C8 VOCAL EXERCISES You can do these vocal exercises to warm up and train the voice.

Sustain: say this verse in one breath; take a long slow inhalation from your lower diaphragm

This is the house that Jack built This is the cow with the crumpled horn That tossed the dog, that worried the cat That killed the rat, that ate the malt That lay in the house that Jack built

Vary the pitch: let your voice go from the lowest to the highest

Bring your voice up and let it go down Raise it up to baby bear without a frown Now talk like papa bear, he’s deep and low Now level out to mama’s tone, as you know Glide from high to low and you can guess On three different tones say Yes! Yes! Yes!

For the throat: open your mouth as widely as possible – it’s a resonating chamber

How now brown cow, why do you look so sad How now brown cow, you should be gay and glad Here on the grassy ground I found you Browsing with crowds of cows around you How now brown cow; why do you frown at me?

For the lips: exaggerate the enunciation

Mrs. Pet Pigeon is picking for bread Bob bob bob goes her little round head Tame as a pussy cat in the street Step step step goes her little red feet With her little red feet and her little round head Mrs. Pet Pigeon goes picking for bread

For the tongue: go as quickly as you can!

Peter Piper the pepper picker picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers did Peter Piper the pepper picker pick. If Peter Piper the pepper picker picked a peck of pickled peppers, where’s the peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper the pepper picker picked?

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K I N E S I C S Kinesics is the study of body language including movements, gestures, and facial expressions. How we interpret body language can depend on our culture and past experience. Most communication takes place through the eyes, eyebrows and mouth. Research by Amy Cuddy of Harvard, has demonstrated that body language can affect body chemistry. A ‘power stance’ can increase testosterone and decrease cortisol – which means it helps us feel more confident and better able to handle stress. A ‘powerless stance’ does the opposite.

EYE CONTACT Eye contact is very cultural; in some countries it is impolite to make eye contact.

Maintain for 3 – 5 seconds Trustworthy, open, in control.

Maintain for only short periods Uncomfortable or have something to hide.

Stare Aggressive.

Squint Sceptical – “I’m not seeing”.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.” ~ Peter F. Drucker


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Look around, no contact Bored, uninterested.

Close eyes longer than a blink Despairing.

Wide open Interested, surprised.

Hard, piercing gaze Confronting.

Soft, peripheral gaze Approachable.

Eyes moving up and down the body

Assessing.

Rolling eyes Evaluating negatively.

Excessive eye blinking or an eye tremor

Nervous.

ACTIVITY C9 EYE DIRECTION TEST During conversation, our eyes may look in different directions. According to Bandler and Grinder, the founders of Neuro-Linquistic Programming, the eyes may move according to the type of data being accessed. Sit facing a partner. Ask your partner the following questions, and check where the eyes move. Do they look up, to the side, or down? Do they look to the left, right, or both?

1. What colour was the first school you ever attended?

2. What is your favourite song?

3. How did you feel on your first date?

4. How would your bedroom look if it was painted purple with blue polka-dots?

5. How would your national anthem sound on an electric guitar?

6. How would you feel if you won a Nobel Prize?

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Everyone is different, but generally you may find that:

Looking up – accessing a visual cue.

Looking to the side – accessing an auditory cue.

Looking down – accessing a kinaesthetic cue.

We may look to the left to access a memory, and to the right to create.

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS SMILE A smile releases endorphins, so it creates a positive environment. It lets people think we know what we're doing, so it can get us more attention and money. Under disaster, it's an automatic mask that gives us time to assess the situation, collect our thoughts, and keep control. When we smile we look more confident, successful, and attractive. Here are some mouth-related messages:

Mouth turned up Faking approval; smiling insincerely.

Mouth and cheekbones lifted

Happy; smiling sincerely.


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Mouth and cheekbones lifted high, eyes squinting

Very happy; laughing.

Mouth and cheekbones lifted high, eyes closed, body bent over

Feeling hilarity.

Mouth turned down Displeased.

Biting lips Worried or anxious

Licking lips Interested, excited, or the lips are dry.

Twitching lips Agitated, annoyed.

Pursed lips Disapproving.

Clenched teeth Angry.

Covering the mouth Hiding an emotional reaction, or “I don’t know what to say”.

EYEBROWS

Raised eyebrows Surprised, beseeching, asking for approval.

Quick eyebrow raise Recognizing someone.

Lowered eyebrows Angry, upset.

Askew eyebrows Disbelieving.

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HEAD POSITION

Tilted head Sympathetic, flirting.

Cocked head Confused; “what do you mean?”

The chin raised slightly

Feeling insecure, but compensating. Gives the impression of superiority: “I’m looking down my nose”.

The chin lowered slightly

Feeling insecure. Gives the impression of inferiority: “Please don’t look at me”.

The head turned slightly

Not fully committed to the communication.

Head down Feeling deeply, sad, dejected.

Nod Greeting, acknowledging, approving.

HAND AND ARM POSITIONS When gestures and movements are natural and relaxed we appear confident, and those around us can feel positive. Here are some specific hand and arm positions, with the possible messages.

Thumb up or down Approving or disapproving.

Thumb and index fingers together with others extended

This is the ‘okay’ sign in North America, is considered vulgar in parts of South America, and means ‘you’re nothing’ in parts of Europe.

Victory or peace, but in some countries, if the hand


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The V sign - the middle and index fingers separated

faces out, it is offensive.

Hand or finger on chin Evaluating, deciding.

Hand or finger on cheek Thinking.

Tugging ear Thinking.

Finger between teeth ‘Oh oh’.

Rubbing nose

Pinching the nose If eyes are also closed – having a negative thought.

Hand on forehead Thinking, ‘oh no’.

Hand or finger touching side of head

Thinking. ‘I have an idea’.

Hand on neck Troubled, concerned.

Hand on chest (heart) Sincere, trustworthy.

Hand on belly Insecure, wanting to be noticed.

Hands clasped Holding on to something?

Hands clenched Angry or committed, depending on the context.

Hands open like a plate Open, honest, trustworthy.

Wringing hands Troubled, worried.

Hands up palms out or down

‘Stop’, ‘no’.

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Arms up, palms up ‘This is it.’

Fidgeting Bored, frustrated.

Tremors Nervous.

Fast, jerky movements Anxious, upset.

Stroking the hair Preening; if combined with a head toss it’s seen as flirting.

Hands in pockets Comfortable, but are you hiding something?

Hands clasped behind the head

Open, relaxed.

Hands clasped behind the back

Bored, relaxed, confident, possibly angry.

Hands on hips In control, aggressive.

Crossed arms Disapproving, suspicious, resisting, defensive, or in authority; “I’m not open to your message”.

Arms holding self in a hug

Vulnerable, self conscious.

Arms straight up Celebrating


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FOOT AND LEG POSITIONS Here are some specific leg and foot positions, with the possible messages.

Foot movements Impatient, nervous.

Foot position Interested in what the foot is pointed toward.

Crossed legs Closed; in need of privacy.

Crossed ankles At ease.

Ankle supported on leg Masculine behaviour: confident, creating a barrier.

Legs parallel Passive, controlled.

Feet not touching floor Not grounded.

BODY POSTURE AND MOVEMENT

Leaning forward Interested.

Leaning forward, arms on table

Interested.

Leaning forward, hands on table

In power.

Leaning forward, hands on knees

Ready to go.

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Leaning forward, elbows on knees, head down

Dejected.

Leaning sideways Lacking confidence, unsure, tired.

Weight on one leg Lacking confidence, unsure, tired.

Weight evenly distributed Confident, in control.

Body angled away Uninterested; giving the ‘cold shoulder’.

Bow, curtsy Greeting in a formal manner.

Pacing Bored.

Rocking Lacking confidence; needing comfort.

Head set forward Lacking confidence; submissive.

Shoulders set forward Carrying a burden, overwhelmed.

Rounded back Lacking support. ACTIVITY C10 EXPERIENCING PROPER POSTURE Try this exercise for good posture. 1. Remove your shoes and stand with your back against a wall, weight evenly

distributed on both feet. Your heels, back, shoulders, and head should touch the wall. Keep your chin parallel to the floor.

2. Tilt your pelvis forward so that you cannot fit your hand between your lower back and the wall. Stay in this position for a few moments.

3. This is good posture. Now walk away from the wall.


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HAPTICS Haptics refers to touch. When touching is non-reciprocal, the person who initiates a touch is the person in control. Inappropriate touch can be an attempt to exert control. HANDSHAKE

The person in seniority is the first person to extend a hand for a handshake. Here are variations on a handshake:

A proper handshake is firm, and web-to-web, while maintaining eye-contact.

Turning the handshake over is dominating.

Joining the second hand to the back of the handshake adds warmth.

Clasping a hand onto the arm or shoulder emphasizes connection.

A soft handshake with fingers only, is a social handshake appropriate in some countries when shaking hands with a woman.

Limp handshakes are considered ineffective. HUG A proper hug is heart to heart, with arms around each other. When the hug is finished, eye contact is made.

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Discomfort with the hug is shown by:

Looking away after the hug, with no immediate eye contact.

Connecting the hug only at the shoulders and upper chest, so that the two bodies form an A-frame.

Patting or burping the back while hugging. ACTIVITY C11 HAPTICS EXERCISE With a partner practice:

1. The six different types of handshakes listed.

2. The three types of ineffective hugs, and a proper hug.

PROXEMICS Proxemics refers to the use of space.

Take up space In control, confident.

Stand or sit higher than a person In control, have authority.

Sit or stand behind something Hiding, behind a barrier.

Within 1 arm length of interpersonal space In intimate space.

1 - 2 arm lengths of interpersonal space In personal space.

3 - 4 arm lengths of interpersonal space In social space.

More than 4 arm lengths of interpersonal space In public space.


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ACTIVITY C12 PROXEMICS EXERCISE 1. Sit like a ‘man’.

2. Sit like a ‘lady’.

3. What did you notice? EXERCISES TO READ BODY LANGUAGE ACTIVITY C13 TELEVISION BODY LANGUAGE Watch a television show with the volume off, and see if you can tell what is happening through the action and body language. ACTIVITY C14 SLIDE SHOW BODY LANGUAGE Ask us for our slide show of over 150 poses. What can you tell from each pose?

“When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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V I B R A T I O N The Law of Vibration has become mainstream, thanks to ‘The Secret’, and celebrities who talk about it. Vibration has its basis in quantum physics, which asserts that everything is made of up energy. Energy is vibration. Because we are electromagnetic beings, we are affecting and being affected by other vibrations. In communication, our emotions, thoughts, words, tonality and body language, all have vibration. High frequency vibrations energize us; low frequency vibrations can de-energize us. When we focus on a thought or emotion, it is likely that the people around us will get the same thought or emotion. Here are examples of communication that energizes and de-energizes.

COMMUNICATOR ENERGIZES DE-ENERGIZES

Emotion Love Hate

Thoughts Peace War

Words “Yes” Empowering Accountable

“No” Belittling Swearing

Tonality Pleasant, laughing Strident, angry

Body language Open arms, Open lap Proper posture

Crossed arms, Crossed legs Slouched posture

Movements Upward Downward If we would like people to feel positively toward us, then we can start by feeling positively toward them. We can fill a room and even beyond with high frequency, positive energy. Upward movements – for example, lifting the hands up the centre of


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the body – can energize us to the extent that we’re not de-energized by lower frequencies around us. ACTIVITY C15 VIBRATIONAL EXERCISE - PART 1 In my workshops I use muscle checking (applied kinesiology) to demonstrate vibration. It’s a little challenging to explain, but see how you do. This exercise is done in partners. Decide who the checker is and who the receiver is. The receiver stands straight with the left arm up to the side, with just enough tension to keep the arm in position. Checker: 1. Stand in front of the arm (not the body).

2. Do one of the energizing communicators, such as say the word ‘yes’, and gently push on the forearm (between the wrist and the elbow). The arm should stay up.

3. Do the corresponding de-energizing communication. If you said ‘yes’, now say ‘no’, and gently push on the forearm. The arm should go down.

4. If the arm does not respond appropriately, the receiver needs to adjust the tension. It may take a few trials to get the right tension. Once you have a good response indicator, proceed to the rest of the communicators.

ACTIVITY C16 VIBRATIONAL EXERCISE PART 2 1. Stand in front of the receiver’s arm, and focus on either a positive thought or a

negative thought, without giving cues in body language.

2. Push gently on the forearm. The arm will stay up if the thought was positive, and go down if the thought was negative.

3. Make an upward movement up the centre of the receiver’s body. Do a de-energizing communicator. The arm will still stay up, because the upward movement is very energizing. The upward movement works even if it is only done mentally by the receiver. Check it out!

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L I S T E N I N G

TYPES OF LISTENING Here are six common types of listening. PASSIVE We are not intentionally listening; we may be ignoring the

communication. PRETEND We might respond as if we’re listening, but we’re actually not

paying attention. SELECTIVE We listen to only part of the communication, or we assume we

know what the speaker is going to say, or we interpret the communication based on our own experience.

CRITICAL We listen to get the facts only. We disregard non-verbal messages

to get to the content. This is important when we gather data in order to make a decision.

SYMPATHETIC We listen to share the emotions of the speaker, and often to give

advice. This is the type of listening most people expect and engage in, but it can enable victim-thinking.

EMPATHIC We seek to understand the communication, with no judgement or

interpretation. This is important when we are listening to someone

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” ~ Epictetus


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express their feelings. Empathic listening allows the speaker to feel safe and supported, as they’re free to express anything.

LISTENING RESPONSES PROBE Ask questions to get more

information

EVALUATE Judge to give an opinion

ADVISE Tell the speaker what to do from our perspective

INTERPRET Explain a deeper meaning to what is being said

SUPPORT Reassure or inspire

REFLECT Feed back the content or emotion

TEACH Give information

TIPS FOR LISTENING Focus on listening; involve all of

the senses.

Avoid emotional reactions; we will not always agree.

Keep an open and objective mind.

Listen to the entire story.

Filter out distractions.

Put energy into listening.

Put communication into perspective; put ourselves in the speaker's position.

Don't interrupt; limit the time we talk.

ACTIVITY C17 EMPATHIC LISTENING EXERCISE With a partner, choose roles of speaker and listener. The speaker shares a minor challenge that they may be experiencing. The listener responds only in a neutral tonality, and reflects back the content or emotion.

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ACTIVITY C18 CRITICAL LISTENING EXERCISE Read the following through once, and then answer each question with True, False, or ‘?’ if you are not sure if the answer is True or False.

A tall, blonde woman walked into the bank. The manager was getting ready to go for lunch, and had just locked the vault. The customer went to the teller who had the shortest line-up, and handed over a slip of paper. The man immediately called the manager. The vault was re-opened. $500,000 was handed over. She ran from the bank. A black SUV was sitting at the curb with a man at the wheel. The manager contacted the police.

1. The bank robber was a tall, blonde woman. True False ?

2. The manager re-opened the vault True False ?

3. The person that ran from the bank was tall and blonde True False ?

4. The slip of paper asked for $500,000 True False ?

5. The teller was a man True False ?

6. The woman had a male accomplice True False ?

7. The black SUV was waiting for the manager True False ?

8. The customer was a woman True False ?

9. Four people are referred to in this story True False ?

10. The vault was opened True False ?

11. $500,000 was given to the customer True False ?

12. The police were never actually contacted True False ?

“There’s a lot of difference between listening and hearing.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

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N E T W O R K I N G Networking is building long-term relationships for exchange of information. It is done from the attitude of ‘giving’ rather than ‘getting’. To network:

Approach the person you would like to meet.

Make eye contact and smile.

Introduce yourself, and get the other person’s name. Make sure you have heard the name clearly and are clear on the pronunciation. The person of higher rank would offer to shake hands first. If your positions are equal, either person may extend the hand first.

Explain your purpose for being at the event, or how you know the hosts. You may ask the same information of them.

Start a conversation with the person based on:

o who they are

o what they know about, or their interests

o what they need.

Do not talk about yourself unless asked.

If the person’s business is of interest to you, ask for the business card.

When receiving the card, look at it before putting it away.

Only present your card when asked.

If someone gives you information or help, give prompt and sincere thanks.

“The richest people in the world look for and build networks, everyone else looks for work.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki

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C O N V E R S I N G Conversing, or the art of conversation, can be challenging for even high-level executives. For detailed information on conversing, please check the Etiquette Workbook.

TOPICS Some safe topics that can help start a conversation:

Their family – if you know they have family.

Their interests.

Happy news of mutual friends.

A news items that is light, interesting, and easy to talk about.

A recent play or movie.

Ways to assist others.

Positive news about the economy.

A recent documentary or television show.

TIPS Respectful conversation is easy with these tips.

Be courteous to everyone.

Speak in positive terms.

Listen attentively.

Show an authentic interest in others.

Say “please” and “thank you” at every opportunity.

“Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood” ~ William Shakespeare


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GAFFES Avoid these conversation gaffes!

Correct someone’s etiquette.

Gossip, boast, or swear.

Criticize, complain, or make sarcastic or degrading comments.

Condescend or feel sorry for someone. “Poor…”

Talk about how much something costs or how much money you make.

Say anything designed to advance your career.

Interrogate people for any reason.

Tell long stories, unless they're pertinent to the discussion.

Discuss or ask personal questions involving crime, politics, money, illness, food preferences, or occupation.

Say anything controversial.

Offer an opinion on a person present.

Give unsolicited advice.

Make a personal comment.

Name drop.

ACTIVITY C19 IMPROVING COMMUNICATION Video record yourself during a communication, such as conversing or presenting.

Assess your verbal and non-verbal communication.

Choose the behaviours to change, and practice the new behaviours.

Video record yourself as required for feedback and monitoring.

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R E L A T I O N S H I P B U I L D I N G

START WITH RAPPORT Rapport is the foundation of relationship building. When we have rapport, we have the other person's attention; this allows us to communicate, and thus build a relationship. The more likeness between people, the easier it is to build rapport. HOW TO BUILD RAPPORT Here are four key actions to build rapport.

Smile with warmth and friendliness.

Show genuine interest in them by using their name and listening.

Encourage them to talk about themselves and build the conversation around their interests.

The more similar our communication style is to theirs, the easier it is to build rapport, as we’re on the same ‘wavelength’. Match the other person’s words, tonality, or body language, in order to tune-in to their perspective.

“Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement, all success, all achievement in real life grows.” ~ Ben Stein


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A STORY ABOUT BUILDING RAPPORT WITH YVETTE Yvette was the President of a company that hired me to do workshops. Her communication style was dominant, authoritarian, and controlling. By contrast, my communication style tends to be soft, flexible, and inclusive.

One day we arranged a meeting, as I wanted to make changes in how the workshops were delivered. I knew that she would not be open to new, progressive ways, unless they were her idea. I was not looking forward to the meeting!

At the meeting, I matched and mirrored her communication style. My intent was for her to feel an alignment and rapport with me. To my surprise, I was the one that felt an alignment and affinity with her! We had an effortless, positive meeting, and we each got the outcomes we desired.

ACTIVITY C20 MATCHING COMMUNICATION STYLE Choose a communication situation in which you can mirror the other person’s communication style. Ideally, choose someone whose style is different from yours, or with whom you’ve had a challenge communicating. What did you notice? ACTIVITY C21 MIRRORING EXERCISES 1. Sit facing a partner; decide who the ‘leader’ is and who the ‘follower’ is. As the leader changes facial expressions and body language, the follower matches the behaviour. This exercise can train you to watch for nuances in body language. 2. Sit facing a partner, and with neither person leading or following, attempt to match changing facial expressions and body language. This exercise can help you ‘entrain’ quickly to someone’s wavelength.

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“We like people who are like ourselves.” – Anthony Robbins

DEVELOP LONG-TERM POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS Positive relationships are built on trust, which can be developed with the following actions.

Keep commitments, and do what we say we will do.

Come from a strong foundation of honesty, ethics, and integrity.

Communicate with congruency in verbal, vocal and visual behaviour, so that we don’t send mixed messages.

Provide value with competence, beyond what is expected.

Take responsibility so that there is no justifying or blaming.

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F A C I L I T A T I N G Here are some communication methods that are used to gain clarity, come to a consensus, or make improvements.

DIALOGUE The purpose of dialogue is to explore an issue and gain insights that could not be achieved individually. In dialogue, we become observers of our own thinking. We hold our ideas or views up to the group for examination. All perspectives can be expressed freely with no attachment or judgement.

DISCUSS The purpose of discussion is to analyze the topic from all perspectives in order to reach a decision. In discussion, we present and defend our views, and we are open to all views, in order to come to a consensus.

ADVOCATE The purpose of advocating is to influence others in order to achieve a result. To do so, we state our viewpoint, and how we arrived at that viewpoint.

INQUIRE The purpose of inquiry is to gather insights and information. We encourage others to explore all views. HOW TO QUESTION TO GET SPECIFICS

Here are the classic information-gathering questions:

What, specifically …

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When, specifically …

Where, specifically …

How, specifically …

Avoid asking “why”, as this asks for justification, which is a victimizing approach. For example, “Why did you do it that way?” HOW TO QUESTION TO GET AN ANSWER Ask a question until it’s answered. This is used when the responder may not realize that they have the answer. For example:

Q. What can we do to change this?

R. It can’t be changed.

Q. I see. What would have to happen in order for it to be changed?

R. Nothing can change it.

Q. Okay. If it could be changed, how would that happen?

R. We would need to investigate the steps.

FEEDBACK The purpose of feedback is to reinforce or improve behaviour. To give feedback, start with something positive, and tell the person what was done well, and why it is effective. Give suggestions or recommendations for what can be improved, the difference the improvements would make, and how to make the improvements.

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N E G O T I A T I N G

NEGOTIATION STYLES HARD The hard style is aggressive, forceful, authoritative, and threatening. The

attitude is "I win, you lose". The manipulation is with the head to dominate and overpower. The negotiator may argue, give orders, and behave with stubbornness. As this style is overt, it is easy to identify.

SOFT The soft style is passive, submissive, vulnerable, and appeasing. The

attitude is "I lose, you win". The manipulation is with the heart to make the other person feel guilty or sorry, so that they give in. The negotiator may needle, whine, and complain. This style may be covert, and consequently dangerous.

WIN-WIN The win-win style is solution-oriented, well-informed, cooperative, and

principled. The attitude is "I win, you win". We are more likely to get what we want when we use the win/win approach.

HOW TO GET TO WIN-WIN In any relationship, it’s best to start off the way we mean to go on. We are not responsible for other people's emotions. We are, however, responsible for our own. We do not need to be manipulated by the hard or soft styles.

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To handle a hard or soft style, we can:

back off, and not engage in the communication

express an openness to negotiate in a neutral tonality coming from an enlightened, rather than a victim approach

express a willingness to discuss at a later time

change the subject

ignore

THE NEGOTIATION PROCESS In negotiation, we need to first have clarity on the outcome we want, and what we don't want. Next, we need to identify the outcome they want, and what they don't want. At the completion of the negotiation, we can clearly define and document the agreement. POSITIVE TACTICS For positive negotiation, we can:

use a win-win approach

listen

see things from the other person’s perspective

show respect for the other person’s opinions and requests

ask questions to get more information

give information

invite creative thinking

seek agreement

“Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.” ~ Sir David Frost


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acknowledge their viewpoint if you are not in agreement – “that’s a good point”

use humour to break tension

use silence

ask for more time, if you need it

feel positive, loving thoughts NEGATIVE TACTICS

These are tactics to avoid:

show emotion

argue

threaten

wheedle

complain

whine

pass the buck – say you need to check with someone else

use a ‘take it or leave it' approach

use a time pressure – the offer is only good today

ask for something unrealistic

ask for more just before the close NEUTRAL TACTICS These tactics are neither positive nor negative, but can have an effect on the outcome.

use clothing and grooming (for example navy blue has the most power)

use body language

use tonality

use seating - is there a ‘power’ chair?

match or mismatch verbal and non-verbal behaviour

reframe words for a different connotation

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L E A D E R S H I P A N D T E A M -B U I L D I N G

LEADERSHIP QUALITIES Here are three key qualities of a leader. VISION Leaders are forward thinking. Their personal vision is a ‘calling’. Their clear vision of the best possible future transcends the organization. They develop the context for the organization to reach this vision. INSPIRE Leaders inspire people to develop and commit to their own vision that is in alignment with the shared vision. They act as mentor, coach, and teacher. They model the way as they share their personal vision, and demonstrate commitment and integrity. DESIGN Leaders can see how all the parts fit together to perform as a whole. They help others see the ‘big picture’ and purpose. They design strategies for the team to challenge and improve. Leaders design a system in which people are empowered to grow and continually expand their capabilities.


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A SYNERGISTIC TEAM On a synergistic team, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. A team can do more than even the strongest person on the team. The maximum potential for the whole group can be realized to the extent that the maximum potential for each individual is realized. All expertise and capabilities necessary for a fully functioning team are already present. Synergy is achieved when fully functioning team members operate with effective team behaviour. EFFECTIVE TEAM BEHAVIOUR If you have been part of an effective team, you may have noticed two categories of effective behaviour. 1. Task-Oriented behaviour gets

the job done. This can be accomplished through proposing goals or tasks, seeking out or contributing information and opinions, and clarifying to clear up confusion.

2. Group-Cohesiveness behaviour keeps the group functioning in harmony, ensuring communication channels are open, relations are warm and responsive, and compromises are made for the benefit of the group.

BLOCKING BEHAVIOUR If you have been part of an ineffective team, you may have noticed some of these behaviours.

1. Depend on someone who represents authority

2. Resist anyone who represents authority

3. Withdraw and psychologically leave the group

4. Seek out one or two supporters and form a sub-group

5. Assert personal dominance

6. Attempt to get own way regardless of others

7. Keep silent

8. Withhold information

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9. Talk too much

10. Criticize

11. Make judgements

12. Blame

13. Distrust

14. Sabotage

15. Intimidate

16. Manipulate A CODE OF BEHAVIOUR FOR A SYNERGISTIC TEAM 1. All team members are clear about

and agreed upon the team objectives.

2. The team leader has high visibility, and enables effective team behaviour.

3. The team is highly efficient and effective.

4. Each team member is valued for his/her uniqueness.

5. Team members are willing to voice disagreement openly and willing to voice agreement openly.

6. Issues are raised in an observational way, rather than a judgmental way.

7. The team's time and place orientation is present – here and now.

8. Energy is focussed on objectives, not negative emotions.

10. The team values and focuses on what it is doing that is effective, as much as on what is not going well.

11. Team members are free to trust their intuition.

12. The team has fun!

A STORY ON SYNERGISTIC TEAMS For leadership and team building, I use this Survival exercise. I love at the beginning when participants complain about why waste time doing a survival game – they don’t even know how to camp! Part 1. A survival scenario is given to each person. For example, a small plane crashes in a remote area. The scenario describes the climate, terrain, and the


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contents of the plane. Each participant, on his or her own, ranks the 13 objects on the plane in order of priority for survival. Part 2. The participants form teams of 5 to 8 people. They now, as a team, come to a consensus on the priority ranking of the 13 objects. Part 3. The ‘right answer’ priority ranking from survival experts is given to the group. They now calculate their scores for both the individual list and for the team list. To get the score, for each item they subtract the smaller number from the larger number. For example, if survival experts ranked ‘newspaper’ as number 10, and an individual ranked ‘newspaper’ as number 6, the difference is 4. The list of ‘difference’ numbers can then be added to get the score. Part 4. Once each individual has calculated his/her score, and the teams have calculated their scores, we can now do a debriefing.

If the team has synergy, then the team score will be lower than any individual on the team. The closer the score is to ‘0’, the higher the synergy. So even teams that know nothing about survival, if they operate synergistically, achieve results almost identical to survival experts!

Very high scores (for example 40 and over), means the individual or the team did not survive. To my chagrin, I have noticed that any team that has ‘the boss’ (usually the person that hired me), is the team that gets the highest score, and had the least amount of synergy!

ROLES MANAGER An effective manager empowers the team to be fully functioning and effective. Team members are treated as responsible adults, and allowed to get on with their jobs. The team is allowed to openly voice both agreement and disagreement. Meetings are held

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regularly, where communication is invited, judgement is suspended, and acknowledgements for a job well done are declared.

An effective manager is flexible when called for, in terms of time, deadlines, special needs, and requirements. Communication with team members is empowering rather than victimizing. Excuses are never asked for, and blame is never laid. If something is not working, the system is looked at first. Special attention is made to team members for birthdays, personal development, etc. TEAM MEMBER An effective team member respects the organization, managers, and co-workers. Punctuality and attention to timing for work hours, meetings, lunch, and breaks is important. Non-work related talk is kept to a minimum or restricted to break times. When challenges arise, the focus is on finding a solution. Any issues are raised in an observational manner, rather than a judgemental manner.

MEETINGS HOW TO RUN A MEETING 1. Plan the Agenda.

• Most important points are first.

• Points that require creative thinking are at the beginning.

• Allocate the amount of time for each item.

• Issue the agenda in advance of the meeting.

2. Begin the meeting on time.

3. Encourage discussions.

• Stick to the items on the agenda.

• Control the talkers. “Thank you for sharing. Let’s…”


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• Discourage those who want to stifle ideas.

• Avoid taking sides; stress the sharing of ideas.

4. End the meeting on time.

• Summarize agenda items and any plans of action.

• Close on a positive note; refer to the progress that has been made and thank people for their contributions.

5. Follow-up.

• Follow-up in writing with the items discussed, decisions reached, and actions to be taken.

RULES AND OPERATING PHILOSOPHY FOR MEETINGS 1. Attendance is mandatory.

2. The agenda is e-mailed to team members one week prior to the meeting.

3. The agenda and posted time limits are adhered to.

4. The meeting starts on time.

5. The Chair calls the meeting to order, and closes the meeting.

6. The Chair asks for each motion to be moved, seconded, and carried; she/he only votes in the event of a tie.

7. There are no interruptions. One person at a time has the floor.

8. The group works as a team, and team spirit is supported.

9. Acknowledgements are made on a regular basis.

10. The focus is on the customer.

11. Everyone is equal; there is freedom of ideas and expression.

12. There are no personal attacks; if something is not working, the process is examined.

13. Success is celebrated.

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I N T E R V I E W I N G

TO GET A JOB INTERVIEW Here is a step-by-step guideline to get a job interview. 1. Compile a list of organizations to interview with.

2. Research the organizations so that you can demonstrate your interest and awareness.

3. Get the name and title of the person to whom you send your information, and ensure the spelling is correct.

4. Prepare the résumé.

5. Prepare a cover letter.

6. Proofread to ensure proper set-up, grammar, and spelling.

7. If possible, arrange to have your information delivered to the organization on a Tuesday.

8. Within a week of sending the information, call to follow-up and set up an interview.

9. If the company is not hiring, you may request an information interview, in which you solicit their advice on what your next steps would be. Once they meet you, they are more likely to remember you.

THE RÉSUMÉ Include the information an employer will need to consider you as a candidate for the position. There are several formats, with no established correct way. Use the format that best showcases your background.


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Use titles, numbers, and names for added clout. Use high-impact verbs: initiated, managed, originated, executed, analyzed, created, organized, coordinated, coached, chaired, directed, evaluated, surveyed, instructed, customized, established, drafted, authored, produced, recruited, compiled, operated, etc. To guide the reader through the résumé, use wide margins, bold headings, indentations, and bullets. Make sure it looks professional and is free of spelling errors. Print the résumé on high quality paper; a colour that is close to white is easier to read. The résumé is never more than two pages, and may only be one page if you have minimal experience. A résumé is never folded or stapled. The name and contact information is at the top of each page. ACTIVITY C22 Develop a Résumé COVER LETTER A cover letter always accompanies a résumé. The purpose of a cover letter is to get an interview. The three parts to a cover letter are:

Opening: why you are applying; the position that you are applying for.

Body: why you are right for the job; what you can do for them.

Closing: ask for a meeting; take the initiative and indicate you will call them. ACTIVITY C23 Develop a Cover Letter. (We’ve provided you with a sample.)

FOR THE INTERVIEW BRING WITH YOU

2 copies of your résumé or promotional package

a list of references or testimonials

your calendar

something for note-taking

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a list of questions about responsibilities or opportunities

AT THE INTERVIEW

Dress professionally, and look your best. To be appropriate, dress one level above that which is required for the position.

Arrive for the interview 10 minutes early. Introduce yourself to the receptionist, and make a good impression on everyone you encounter. They may be asked later for their opinions. Take note of the office and people in terms of image and attitude.

Refuse coffee or tea; however, you may have a glass of water.

When you meet the interviewer/s, shake hands firmly while you make eye contact, smile, and say your name.

Take a seat only after you have been invited to do so.

Demonstrate confidence, friendliness, and interest. Ask questions of the interviewer.

When answering questions, elaborate in order to illustrate your skills and strengths. Share only information relevant to the questions or discussion. Negative

comments regarding your previous job or former employer or colleagues are unprofessional.

Make it clear that you respect the organization and would be proud to be part of the team. Ask for a fair appraisal of your qualifications and your chances for the position.

Thank them for taking the time to see you. Ask how long it will be until you hear back.

QUESTIONS YOU MAY ASK

How is an employee evaluated and promoted?

What are the challenging facets of this position?

What are the company’s plans for future growth?

How would you describe the work environment?

Have you had someone in this position before? What happened to the previous person?

May I see a copy of the organization chart?

Does this position have a written job description?

What are the opportunities for training programs?


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What is the competition for this position, and how do I rate against it?

QUESTIONS YOU MAY BE ASKED

Tell me about yourself; how would you describe yourself?

Why would you make a good ---?

What do you know about our company?

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Why do you want to work for us?

Why should we hire you; what can you offer us?

What are your strengths / weaknesses?

What do you like / dislike about this industry?

What do you enjoy the most / least about what you do?

What do you want to get out of this position?

What salary/fee would you expect?

What other commitments do you have that could interfere with this position?

TO ANSWER QUESTIONS Demonstrate an attitude of ease and confidence. Watch the interviewer for cues, and monitor their body language. Elaborate on your answers, giving examples of competency. Turn negatives into positives. Let them know what you can do for them, not what they can do for you. Give them a sense of how you would handle the position. AFTER THE INTERVIEW Promptly send a follow-up thank you letter to the interviewer. It has been known to make the difference.

ACTIVITY C24 Role-Play a Job Interview.

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A SAMPLE COVER LETTER Ann King [Address] June 15, 20__ Mary Ryan Director Main Department Store [Address] Dear Ms. Ryan: Re: Image Consulting Position I found your advertisement in Style Magazine very exciting. As an image consultant with a background in retail, the chance to use my skills, work with people one-on-one, and create changes that will make a difference, combine to form the perfect job. I am professional, outgoing, and results-oriented. I am presently employed with Georgio as a fashion consultant, where I am responsible for the successful operation of the women’s wear department. This position provides me with the opportunity to exercise my merchandising, management, and communications skills in an efficient and profitable manner. A résumé is attached, listing my qualifications and experience. I would very much appreciate the opportunity to talk with you personally about this position. I will call you next week to arrange an interview for any time that is convenient for you. I appreciate your consideration of my application, and I trust you will find me ideal for the position of in-house image consultant. Sincerely yours, Ann King Enclosures

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W R I T I N G Here are some tips for different types of correspondence and business writing.

EMAIL State the subject in the “subject” box. If you are sending an email to a group, and the individuals do not need to know who else is receiving the email, use the “blind copy” box to type the email addresses. This prevents people’s email addresses from being sent to others. Be brief; use proper spelling and sentence structure. Proper sentence case is always appropriate; upper case comes across as shouting. Email chain letters are not respectful of people’s time, and responding to them can automatically put the recipient on spam lists.

THANK YOU If you are given a gift or are the recipient of a favour, or have received excellent service, send a handwritten letter or card as soon as possible.

SYMPATHY If you are close to a family member of someone who dies, send a handwritten sympathy letter or card as soon as you hear the news. If you learn about the death of someone who is connected to you in some way, send a handwritten sympathy letter or card to the person you know the best.

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APOLOGY When you have hurt someone's feelings, first apologize verbally. Follow up with an email or handwritten note, and a copy sent to others who witnessed the incident.

INVITATION The invitation should state the purpose of the event. If the event has a guest

of honour, for example a birthday, guests are not asked to contribute food. With the exception of a shower invitation, gifts should never be mentioned. Other options for invitations where gifts may be expected include:

In lieu of gifts, donations may be made to a charitable organization.

“Your presence is your gift.”

“Gifts are gratefully declined”.

Invitations that indicate RSVP, should be replied to before the ‘by when’ date.

BUSINESS CORRESPONDANCE Business correspondence is ideally a positive experience for the reader. Write from the reader’s perspective - what's in it for them? A tone that is friendly and warm, with a solution-orientation, helps to build a satisfying relationship. A conversational style with words that are part of your everyday vocabulary will help make the communication personal.

Write to be understood, and avoid technical terminology. To get your message across in the shortest possible time, be concise, and get to the point. When you end with an action statement, the next step is clear; for example "I will call you next week to see if you have any questions.”

The letter set-up, whether hard copy or electronic, should be correct, with proper grammar and spelling. A letter is never longer than two pages; if the communication is more than two pages, it becomes a report.


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REPORTS A report generally has three major sections. A cover letter includes information not related to the factual data in the report. INTRODUCTION

A title page includes the report name, author, date of preparation, and for whom the report is prepared.

A summary or overview highlights the report in point form.

A table of contents lists sections and page numbers.

BODY

The purpose or objective gives the information of who, what, when, where, and why.

The recommendations are a plan of what needs to be done and how it can be done.

Findings and methodology specify how the recommendations and conclusions were reached.

The conclusion presents final solutions.

SUPPLEMENT

The appendix includes graphs, charts, etc. that are not used in the body.

The bibliography lists sources of information.

“Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.” ~ Author Unknown

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MINUTES Minutes are the report of a meeting, and have the following sections. HEADING The name of the group, the date of the meeting, the names

of those present, and the names of those absent. CALL TO ORDER The meeting was called to order by (chair) at (time) in

(location). PREVIOUS MINUTES _____ moved to approve the minutes of the previous

meeting; _____ seconded the motion. PURPOSE The objectives of the meeting are to _____. TOPICS Summaries of topics discussed. ACTION Action to be taken, and by whom. NEXT MEETING The next meeting will take place _____. ADJOURNMENT The meeting was adjourned at (time). Submitted by _____.

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P A R T 3

PP RR EE SS EE NN TT AA TT II OO NN SS KK II LL LL SS

“Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” ~ Antoine de Saint Exupery

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T H E S E T U P

BENEFITS OF EMPOWERING YOUR PRESENTATIONS ACTIVITY S1 MOTIVATING QUESTIONS What will your life be like if you do not elevate your presentation skills?

What will you have, do, or be as a result of elevating your presentation skills?

The pleasure gained from speaking needs to be stronger than the pain of speaking, and the pain of not speaking needs to be stronger than the pleasure of not speaking.

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can…begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” ~ Goethe

Research from the Carnegie Institute of Technology revealed that one’s financial success is based 15% on technical knowledge, and 18% on ‘human engineering’.


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“Only thoughts can give you courage, and only

thoughts can give you fear.” ~ Dale Carnegie

Whatever you think about most expands. Focus on what you want.

FEAR? OR EXCITEMENT? According to the Book of Lists, the number one fear is the fear of speaking in public. Fear can result in emotional anxiety, physical distress, and avoiding speaking opportunities. If you define what causes the fear, and remove the cause, then the fear can dissolve. ACTIVITY S2 WHAT CREATES FEAR? 1. What causes anxiety for you in a public speaking situation? Fears of

public speaking can be divided into two categories: fears about the audience, and fears about performance. List your fears under these two categories.

2. For each item that you listed, what could you do to resolve the issue? We’ve listed

some ideas on the following pages.

“It’s just as difficult to arrive at a destination you don’t have, as it is to come back from somewhere you’ve never been.” ~ unknown

FEAR

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Here is a list of some common fears: The Audience Might:

1. Be bored

2. Contradict me

3. Interrupt me

4. Not pay attention to me

5. Heckle me

6. Be disruptive; talk to others

7. Show disfavour

8. Not like me

9. Not understand me

10. Not believe what I say

11. Not value what I say

12. Know more about my topic than I do

13. Judge me

14. Leave

15. Write a poor evaluation

I Might:

16. Show I’m nervous; blush, perspire, shake

17. Be uncontrolled in my movements

18. Stutter; be uncontrolled in my voice

19. Not speak loudly enough

20. Forget what to say

21. Not be clear / focussed in my message

22. Appear unprofessional

23. Fumble my visual aids

24. Experience a problem with technology

25. Not manage my time

26. Lose control of the audience

27. Not be able to answer a question

28. Not give them new information

29. Not know how to begin or end

30. Not feel in control of myself TO RESOLVE FEARS ABOUT THE AUDIENCE 1. Find out as much as you can about your audience so that you can be prepared.

2. Commit to meeting and exceeding audience expectations. Your expectations will be higher than your audience’s. Your listeners want you to succeed.

3. Believe in yourself and your message. Unjust criticism is often a compliment – it means you’re doing something! No matter how great of a speaker you are, or how powerful your message, not everyone will be in alignment with you.


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4. Have clarity on how the audience will benefit, and ensure they have clarity. They lose if you don’t speak. Link a positive audience response to speaking.

5. Build a positive relationship with the audience. Share yourself!

6. Focus on listeners who are positive towards you. Make eye contact and smile with every section of the audience.

7. Let go of your ego, and surrender to your message. Fear is left-brain ego-based. The ego wants control and will create a façade. Concern over how you are perceived isolates you from the audience.

8. Energetically connect to the audience. Come from the heart - the right-brain is also called the heart-brain.

9. Love the audience. Feel what you want your audience to feel; whatever energetic state you are in, that’s what your audience will get.

Lower the level of adrenaline and raise the level of endorphins and other energizing chemicals in your self and in your audience:

10. Use ice-breakers. Have the participants interact in fun and entertaining ways.

11. Get the audience to exercise. A simple exercise like cross-crawls helps to integrate left and right hemisphere, and makes learning easier. Some great exercises are in the Brain Gym book.

Left Brain = Ego

Judgement Separateness

Fear Control Façade Words

Right Brain = Heart

Intuition Connection

Love Surrender Authentic Expression

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12. Use humour. Laugh and get your audience to laugh - or even smile.

13. Play energizing music before your presentation and on breaks.

14. If it’s appropriate, hugging or other rapport-building can substantially raise energy.

15. Eliminate physical barriers between you and your audience; make it easy to connect.

16. Wear clothing that is comfortable and right for you. PERFORMANCE ISSUES 17. Prepare to the fullest extent; practice, practice, practice...

18. Prepare professional, clear visual aids, and use them properly.

19. Maintain control of the question and answer period, and answer appropriately.

20. Stand with a confident posture, move deliberately, and use complete gestures.

21. Speak from the diaphragm with a confident voice.

22. Drink water to help energy move through your system.

23. Place the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth (when you’re not speaking!).

24. Share from your experience. When you do this, no one can make you wrong.

25. Speak from your feelings. Rather than remember the experience, be in the experience. Talk to people rather than at them.


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26. Change negative thoughts to positive. Reframe fear to excitement. It’s a fallacy that every speaker experiences fear. Confident speakers experience a heightened energy. Enjoy the experience.

27. Commit to the highest possible outcome. Visualize success and expect the best. What you can create in your mind you can create in the reality.

28. WELCOME and TAKE ADVANTAGE of the rush. Breathe it in and let it move through your body. You need it to be energized.

29. Practice your speech in your mind using systematic desensitization.

30. Practice self-relaxation and meditation techniques. Aromatherapy such as lavender helps, as does relaxing music that you enjoy.

31. And if you’re ready for something less traditional – try a mudra. Hand gestures cause energetic shifts in the mind/body, when held for just 30 seconds. The Abhaya mudra is for fearlessness, courage, and strength. Raise both hands to the sides of your head.

Arouse the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), rather than the sympathetic nervous system (SNS). The PNS is operating when you are confident and in control, the SNS when you are anxious. The next two actions arouse the PNS.

32. Breathe in from the diaphragm through your nose rather than your mouth.

33. Use peripheral vision rather than tunnel (foveal) vision.

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Different things work for different people!

ACTIVITY S3 PERIPHERAL VS TUNNEL VISION 1. Stand looking straight ahead. Put your arms straight out to your side,

and position them so that even though you’re looking straight ahead, you can still see your fingers. Remember this position, and relax your arms.

2. Imagine that you are about to give a presentation, you are not prepared, the

audience is unfriendly, and you are in a state of anxiety. Feel as anxious as you can.

3. Now put your arms up to the side again, and see if you can both see your fingers

and feel anxious at the same time. ACTIVITY S4 VISUALIZE YOUR IDEAL AS A SPEAKER Visualize yourself as your ideal speaker. Make it as vivid and clear as possible. Do this for at least 15 minutes every night before you fall asleep, for at least 3 weeks. ACTIVITY S5 WRITE YOUR AFFIRMATION AS YOUR IDEAL SPEAKER Write down your speaker affirmation, with words that describe how you really want to be. “I am ….” To add power, you can use special paper, colour, and pictures. Feel what it’s like to be the speaker that you want to be. You can only imagine what is already within you to be.

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EXAMPLE OF KAREN’S

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

WHAT DOES YOUR REFLECTION REVEAL ABOUT YOU?

You are invited to step into the reflection of your own looking glass. Explore the dimensions of your image – what’s real, what’s possible, and what’s

been stopping you from taking yourself to the next level. It’s

time for your image to be a true reflection of all that you are –

your power, charisma and potential!

P L A N N I N G T H E P R E S E N T A T I O N TOPIC TALK ABOUT: 1. What you know.

2. What you have experienced, and

3. What you are passionate about. You must have earned the right to speak on your subject. ACTIVITY S6 WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE

TOPIC?

ACTIVITY S7 WRITE A COMPELLING

DESCRIPTION OF YOUR TALK

“If I had 8 hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend 6 sharpening my axe.” ~ Abe Lincoln

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AUDIENCE Find out as much as possible about your audience in advance. Here is some of the information to gather:

Demographics

Psychographics

Who invited them

What do they want

What do they know

What proportion of the listeners are:

o Supportive

o Receptive or indifferent

o Opposed ACTIVITY S8 WRITE A DESCRIPTION OF YOUR IDEAL AUDIENCE

SITUATION You will also need to know about the speaking situation, such as

Location

Type of Venue

Start, stop, and break times

Time of day

Occasion

Agenda

Audience size

Room size and layout

Equipment

Seating arrangement

Who is introducing you

Fee

Payment arrangements


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QUESTIONNAIRE TO GATHER INFORMATION When I am conducting training or workshops for an organization, I do the following:

Send an Organization Assessment to the representative of the organization who is hiring me.

Send a Participant Assessment to the organization, which they send to those who will be participating in my session. This assessment, when completed, is strictly confidential, and is returned directly to me.

ORGANIZATION ASSESSMENT

Thank you for completing this assessment. The results will help me develop a program with the highest possible learning outcomes and benefits. A version of this assessment is available for your program participants.

Contact Information

Organization

Contact Person

Title

City Date

Phone Fax

Email

How did you find out about our services?

Program Information

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Date/s of program/s Number of people attending

Venue % of men and women

Length of program Age range

Department Income range

Job functions

Previous training they have experienced

Participants will complete a brief evaluation at the end of the program; the feedback will be shared with you.

Goals

1. What do you want for your organization? What would make this programme successful?

2. What impact will that have on your organization? How will it be different 5 years from now (ideally)?

3. How important is it for your organization to make this change?

4. When is the right time for your organization to make this change?

5. What steps are you taking to make this change happen?

Assessment

6-a) If you could improve one thing about the


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people in your organization or department, what would it be?

7-b) What else would you improve?

8. What one thing about the people in your organization or department are you most proud of?

9. What would make my programme successful?

10. What else would you like me to know?

TYPES OF PRESENTATIONS Presentations can have different formats, depending on the purpose. Here are a few. KEYNOTE The keynote sets the core message for the entire program.

Entertaining and compelling, its purpose is usually to raise awareness. The speaker is a master presenter and is considered an expert in their subject. Usually the keynote is the highest paying presentation. The duration is usually up to 1 hour.

SEMINAR A form of instruction facilitated by a seminar leader, the focus is on an exchange of ideas, usually among people experienced in the subject matter.

WORKSHOP A brief intensive training session for a small group, it involves interaction and hands-on learning through practical application.

LUNCH & LEARN Conducted over lunch, it is informative and usually casual.

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TRAINING The focus is on developing and improving skills, knowledge, and attitudes required to perform a job.

EDUCATION The focus is on learning new skills, knowledge, and attitudes to be used in the future.

SYMPOSIUM In this meeting to discuss a topic, the participants make presentations.

LECTURE The instructor delivers the subject in a class.

WEBINAR Participants log in to the seminar via the internet, and can interact with the presenter through computer technology or by telephone.

WEBCAST A presentation is broadcast over the web.

TELECONFERENCE A meeting is held using telecommunications equipment.

TELECLASS A class is conducted by telephone. OBJECTIVE The objective is what your presentation has to accomplish to be successful. Decide if your presentation is primarily to inform or motivate. All presentations should be entertaining. If your presentation is to inform, the objective is worded as “At the end of my presentation the audience will be able to…” If your presentation is to motivate, the objective is worded as “At the end of my presentation the audience will…” [the action that you want them to take].

“The audience only pays attention as long as you know where you are going.” ~ Philip Crosby


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In writing the objective, use active verbs, such as create, develop, organize, choose, purchase, etc. ACTIVITY S9 WRITE YOUR OBJECTIVE

At the end of my presentation the audience will… CORE MESSAGE The core message is the entire presentation in one sentence. The core message serves two functions:

1. Keeps you on track.

2. Helps the audience get your message. ACTIVITY S10 WRITE YOUR CORE MESSAGE

“Ask yourself, ‘If I had only sixty seconds on the stage, what would I absolutely have to say to get my message across’.” ~ Jeff Dewar

You have the right – and the responsibility – to express your message.

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P R E P A R I N G T H E P R E S E N T A T I O N DEVELOP THE OUTLINE Your outline is made up of 2 to 3 main points. Each main point can be divided further into 2 or 3 points. Each of those points can be further developed into 2 or 3 sub-points. And so on. Each point on its own is a complete presentation. Once an outline has been developed, it can be used for any length of presentation. You simply pull the points you want to use. If you can, list each point as a complete sentence – this will help add clarity. Here is an example of an outline:

Core Message: You can deliver a powerful presentation

I. Plan A. Audience 1. Demographics 2. Psychographics 3. Needs B. Situation 1. Audience size 2. Room layout 3. Length of talk C. Gather Ideas 1. Objective 2. Thesis 3. Main points

II. Prepare A. Outline 1. Opening/closing 2. Body 3. Support B. Practice 1. Visualize 2. Affirm 3. Act C. Visual Aids 1. What to use 2. How to prepare 3. How to use

III. Deliver A. Verbal

1. Clear 2. Concise 3. Correct B. Vocal 1. Rate 2. Volume 3. Pitch C. Visual

1. Clothing / grooming

2. Body language 3. Environment


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TYPES OF OUTLINES Choose the type of outline that relates best to your objective. Here are some examples of outlines, as well as examples of the three main points. 1 2 3

Sequential or Chronological

Past Present Future

Categorical Apples Oranges Bananas

Pro vs. Con Disadvantages Advantages Recommendation

Problem and Solution Current situation Ideal situation Action plan

Hierarchical Top Middle Bottom

Expanding radius Individual Community global

ACTIVITY S11 START YOUR OUTLINE

Fill in I, II, and III with your three main points, and then fill in 3 sub-points for each.

I II III

A A A

B B B

C C C

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THE INFORMATIVE PRESENTATION Here are some key points to develop an informative presentation.

Include only information that is current and useful.

Start from the general and move to the specific.

Illustrate each main point before moving to the next.

Differentiate between fact and opinion.

Use simple visual aids to explain difficult concepts.

Let the audience ask questions at any time, or at least at the end of each main point.

Review only main points and review them in the order in which they were presented.

THE MOTIVATIONAL OR PERSUASIVE PRESENTATION Here is a classic 4-step formula to develop a persuasive message. ATTENTION Get the audience’s attention immediately. Beginning with a personal

story works well, as listeners must trust you before they will listen to you and accept your ideas. If the audience is in opposition, find points of agreement – get them saying ‘yes’. Indicate your position on the issue.

INTEREST Show the direct impact on their lives. Let them see the need.

DESIRE Prove your position through facts, figures, examples; research thoroughly to provide supporting evidence. Remain aware of both


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sides; refer to the opposing position as little as possible, and use non-judgmental language. Begin and end an idea with the strongest supporting points. Ask the audience to visualize the results if they act upon your ideas.

ACTION Your call to action should be do-able. If you ask for too much, the audience is not likely to act. Focus on persuading the indifferent or receptive members of the audience. Those who are already supportive need no persuasion; those who are opposed may not be persuaded. Never ask a persuasive speech audience for comments. Hold the question and answer period at the end of the presentation, but before your conclusion. Announce this in the introduction to avoid interruptions and challenges before you have had a chance to make your point.

INTRODUCTION The introduction follows a 3-step formula. 1. ATTENTION! The first line is high-impact and grabs attention. Your audience has no choice but to listen. For this reason, the opening line is never ‘today I’m going to talk about’. Over-used clichés or common-place lines also do not get attention. Think ‘outside the box’. Keep the attention-grabber 7 words or less. As soon as you add the eighth word, the impact has dissolved. The attention-grabber needs to be delivered in a powerful, controlled manner. To get attention, you may use a:

Question

Story

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Quotation

Compelling or startling statement

Unexpected action

Visual

Statistic 2. RELATIONSHIP To develop a relationship with your audience, do the following:

Smile and make eye contact.

Tell a personal story that leads into the presentation.

Express pleasure in speaking with them.

Refer to audience members or the occasion.

Introduce yourself if no one else has. When it’s appropriate, in a more casual situation, you may build a relationship with the audience before delivering the attention-getter. When you do this, have a dramatic pause before you deliver your attention-getter. 3. PREVIEW The preview has – you guessed it – 3 steps. Here is what each step includes. a. Why Are You Here?

What is your objective?

What is your position on the issue, if it’s a persuasive presentation? b. Agenda

What is this presentation about? Here’s your opportunity to state your core message and 3 main points.


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How long is the presentation? Are there breaks?

When can they ask questions? c. Benefits

What’s in it for them?

How do they want to benefit? You may have the audience tell you how they would benefit – this way it’s their idea!

CONCLUSION The conclusion is after the question and answer period, so you need to make sure you allow enough time. There is no new information in the conclusion; everything has already been stated. The conclusion follows the same three steps as the introduction, but in reverse order. 1. REVIEW Review the highlights: the benefits, main points, and objective. The audience needs to be clear on what action you expect them to take, or be able to take. 2. RELATIONSHIP Cement your relationship with the audience. Let them know how they can get additional support from you. Express pleasure in being with them. You may thank them for being attentive, receptive, etc.

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3. FINALE This is the big finish, and is equivalent to the attention-grabber. It is a single line that is no longer than seven words. Ideally, it connects to the attention-grabber in some way, so that the two form the ends of a bridge. The finale should leave the audience with something to think about. It should be optimistic and powerful. It’s the very last thing the audience hears, so you don’t want to end with ‘thank you’. It’s your audience’s job to thank you. The finale is delivered in a controlled, slow tempo, with deliberate body language. You want it clear that it’s now time to applaud! ACTIVITY S12 WRITE YOUR OPENING AND CLOSING

Attention-Grabber: Finale: SUPPORT EVERY POINT TYPES OF SUPPORT Your talk might be comprised of 1/3 points, 2/3 support. Here are ways to support your points. 1. Examples from

Personal experience

Books, magazine articles, fables, nursery rhymes

Movies, plays, television shows

Metaphors such as transportation, food, buildings, animals, nature, universe, etc.

2. Testimonials from recognizable and reputable sources.


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3. Statistics from reputable sources. 4. Experiential exercises, in which the point is demonstrated by the participants. They

can come from your imagination or from trainers’ manuals such as Games Trainers Play.

ACTIVITY S13 Develop an example using a metaphor. Choose an original metaphor that can relate to your point. Here is an example.

Point: Your personal image can help you succeed.

Metaphor: Containers of food

Example: We would be more attracted to a beautiful crystal bowl of fresh fruit than a plastic container of bruised, mouldy, and rotting fruit.

‘TIME LOOP’ YOUR STORY FOR MORE POWER Movies, television, and books sometimes employ time loops, which add an element of intrigue and keep the audience involved. To loop your story, start with the end, and then move backward to illustrate the process. For example, if you begin a story with:

“In less than one minute, she transformed from anxious to confident.”

The audience is riveted to find out how that’s possible. You can then start at the beginning and tell the story. ‘TIME DELAY’ YOUR STORY FOR MORE POWER Movies, television, and books employ time delays whenever they are ‘to be continued’. When you finally get the end of the story, it’s extra-memorable. Here is a formula for presenting a story with time delay.

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1. Tell as much of the story detail as you can up to the climactic moment. e.g. In the story of the tortoise and the hare (or turtle and rabbit), tell the story

in great detail up to: “As the tortoise crept closer, the hare fell asleep.” 2. Just as you reach the climax, stop the story. 3. Pause and make your general point. e.g. “Sometimes we take things for granted.” 4. Take the audience back to where you left them in the story, and repeat the last line. e.g. “As the tortoise crept closer, the hare fell asleep.” 5. Now finish the story. ACTIVITY S14 Develop a Story Write a story to support one of your points, using either a Time Loop or a Time Delay. “There is all the difference in the world between having something to say

and having to say something.” ~ John Dewey


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Lecture Audio recording

Participation

Demonstration

Exercise

Interaction

Hands-on

by

Individuals

Partners

Teams

PowerPoint White board

Flip chart Poster or Chart

Video Object

Hand-out Demonstration

AUDIO / VISUAL / EXPERIENTIAL AIDS RETENTION LEVELS AFTER 3 DAYS

REASONS FOR AIDS

Makes the point quickly and clearly.

Explains complex data.

Helps the audience remember and/or apply the information.

Increases interest.

“I hear – I forget. I see – I remember. I do – I understand.”

~ Confucius

Auditory – 21%

Visual – 44%

Experiential – 86%

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4 words

across and

6

lines

down

6 words

across and

4 lines

down

PREPARATION OF AIDS

Easier to Read

Non-serif font

Sentence case or Title Case

Harder to Read

Serif or Cursive font

UPPER CASE Here are some tips for clear and professional visual aids.

Non-serif fonts are easier to read then serif fonts.

Upper case fonts are difficult to read.

List only one idea per slide, to keep them simple and clear.

Use pictures rather than words, or in conjunction with words.

Create charts, graphs, or other visuals that relate to and emphasize the theme.

Use colour and humour to add excitement and help the audience remember.

Avoid putting numbers in red – it causes anxiety.

Follow the 4 X 6 rule for slides and charts. Landscape-oriented slides have no more than 6 words across and 4 lines down. Portrait-oriented charts have no more than 4 words across and 6 lines down.

ACTIVITY S15 Develop a PowerPoint Presentation For your topic, develop at least 12 PowerPoint slides.


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MATERIALS TO TAKE Prepare these materials to take to your presentation.

Power point presentation and a back-up

Name tags. For a room set up with tables, they can be tent cards. Tent cards also provide an opportunity for promoting a particular message.

Handouts

Music

Objects for demonstration

Samples / gifts

Promotional literature

Products for sale

Seminar evaluations PRACTICE Here are some tips to help you practice.

Imagine you are your ideal as a speaker. Visualize in great detail exactly how you want the presentation to go, and do it repeatedly.

Practice extemporaneously at least 7 times. Your presentation may take longer in front of an audience.

Use cue cards: the ideal size is 4” x 6”.

o List main points – one idea per card.

o Write first and last lines.

o Use large lettering, with space between lines.

o Number each card.

o Leave them at home! ACTIVITY S16 Develop Cue Cards

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COMPLETE THE PRESENTATION PLAN PRESENTATION PLAN TEMPLATE This template can help you organize your presentation. Strategy refers to how you will illustrate the point, for example a role play. Material refers to what you will need for that point, for example a PowerPoint slide or handout.

Title

Objective

Core Message

Attention-getter / opener

Points Strategy Material

I

A

1

2

3

B

1

2

3


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C

1

2

3

II

A

1

2

3

B

1

2

3

C

1

2

3

(continue to 3rd main point if required)

Finale / closer

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SPECIALTY PRESENTATIONS INTRODUCING A SPEAKER Here is a 3-step formula for introducing a speaker. 1. Title – what is the exact title of the

presentation.

2. Importance – why should the audience be interested?

3. Name – give the person’s name and at least 3 qualifications or credentials.

Memorize the introduction, as reading it is not as respectful to the speaker. Ensure you have the correct pronunciation of names and titles. Avoid over-praising the speaker, as it can be a lot of live up to! An introduction is not the best time to use humour, as it can detract from the speaker. Introducing the speaker with the phrase “without further ado” is trite and overdone. One of the best ways is to say “Please join me in welcoming….” ACTIVITY S17 Write your own introduction for someone to present you.

INTRODUCING YOURSELF Here is a formula to introduce yourself. 1. Name

2. Importance of topic to audience

3. Credentials – list at least three. THANKING A SPEAKER Here is a formula to thank a speaker. 1. Name

2. Impact on you personally, as you’re not able to speak for the audience.

3. Thank you! PROPOSING A TOAST Toasts are brief, meaningful and sincere, and may follow a speech of tribute. At the end of your presentation, you may raise your glass and say “please join with me in a toast to….”. If the toast is formal, as you raise your glass, you may say “Please rise, if you are able, and join me in a toast to….”.


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WELCOMING GUESTS Here are 3 steps to follow for a welcoming speech. 1. Welcome the guests; tell as much

about them as you can.

2. Introduce your guests to the group; tell them about the group and the situation.

3. Conclude; state your hope that the visit will be a profitable one for both the visitors and your group.

PRESENTING AN AWARD Give a brief description of the award – the history, and its significance, and then describe the accomplishments of the recipient/s. Do not give more praise for the award or the recipient than what is warranted. Pass the award from your left hand to the recipient’s left hand, so that you can shake hands at the same time. ACCEPTING AN AWARD Give brief thanks to those making the awards. Do not make the award seem bigger than it is. Briefly thank those who helped you attain the award.

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D E L I V E R I N G T H E P R E S E N T A T I O N

METHODS OF DELIVERY There are four general methods for delivery. EXTEMPORANEOUS Most presentations are extemporaneous. The presentation

is planned and prepared in advance. The delivery is natural, with no notes or memorization. As you’ve prepared, no reading is necessary.

IMPROMPTU When you are asked to speak impromptu, it’s because you

know about the topic. You would take a few moments to gather your thoughts and develop your outline.

MEMORIZED When you memorize a presentation, it’s generally only one

or two lines. If not done expertly, it can sound mechanical. MANUSCRIPT A manuscript speech is read word-for-word. If not done

expertly, it can sound ‘canned’. To read a presentation, follow these steps:

Look down; catch a few words.

Make eye contact and PAUSE.

Say the words.

Maintain eye contact and PAUSE.

Look down; catch a few words.

etc.


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PRESENTATION STYLES The more flexible you are in your presentation style, the easier it is for you to communicate and be congruent with your message. Here are some standard presentation styles. You might find that one style in particular is natural and easy for you. If you can practice the styles so that they are all equally comfortable, you will have a good repertoire of styles to draw on to help you communicate your message. STRAIGHT SHOOTER The Straight Shooter is honest and trustworthy, with a message that is clear and credible. The non-verbal delivery is straight. The voice is level with a neutral tonality. Eyebrows are stationary, eyes are straightforward, face is composed, posture is straight, and gestures are straight and aligned.

DIRECTOR The Director has power and authority. This is the leader with a vision and a plan for action. The non-verbal delivery is strong. The voice is louder, with a strong, authoritative inflection. The eyebrows may be slightly lowered, eyes are somewhat piercing, jaw is tight, posture is straight, and legs slightly apart. The gestures are downward, and hard, such as a karate chop, or pounding.

THINKER The Thinker is thoughtful, inquiring, and wise. This is the professor-type who looks for the most intelligent ideas and solutions. The non-verbal delivery is introspective and questioning. The voice is slower with pauses, as if considering. The hand strokes the chin in deep thought. The body may move in a slow pace as the thinking occurs.

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CONCILIATOR The Conciliator is a peace-maker who can diffuse tension, and ameliorate with lightness and ease. The non-verbal delivery is upward and appeasing. The voice is higher pitch and lilting, with soft exclamations, as if saying “Oh, well!”. The eyebrows and cheekbones are raised, shoulders are raised, and the hands are held up to the side, with palms facing up. CHARMER The Charmer has three versions: Feminine, Masculine, and Neutral. The Charmer is flirtatious, playful, and fun, and brings a sense of excitement, spontaneity, and diversion. The voice is laughing, with possibly a sensuous or flirtatious undertone. The Feminine non-verbal delivery is coquettish, with a hand on one cocked hip, head tossed back, and possibly a hand run through the hair. The Masculine non-verbal delivery is usually with one foot up, and an arm resting on the raised leg. The Neutral non-verbal delivery is perched on the edge of a table or stool, with one foot up, and the other on the floor. ACTIVITY S18 PRESENTATION STYLE PRACTICE Choose a standard line, and practice the presentation styles with that one line. Which style is most comfortable for you? Which style is least comfortable?


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VISUAL PRESENTATION Pay attention to your clothing and body language! CLOTHING Dress to be appropriate for the speaking situation. An appropriate image reflects the best dressed of your audience, and sends a message congruent with who you are. Wear clothing that is comfortable for you and that allows you to move freely and easily. For more detailed information on personal image, see the Personal Image workbook. POSTURE Stand with your weight evenly distributed on both feet, relaxed with your shoulders back, and your chin parallel to the floor. You can use variations of this ‘home’ position to help illustrate a point. Generally, you want to avoid standing with your weight on one leg, standing on the sides of your feet, leaning, or lounging. MOVEMENT Move evenly and deliberately. A deliberate movement has a beginning and an end. Choose a triangle of 3 points on your speaking area, and walk between these 3 points. When you walk towards the audience, walk in a diagonal line so that your movement is not invasive or threatening. Distracting movements include aimless pacing and rocking.

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FACIAL EXPRESSIONS Before you speak, smile and make eye-contact with every area of the audience. This establishes rapport, and helps both you and your audience feel good. Use facial expressions throughout your presentation to reinforce your message. GESTURES Have your hands free to gesture. Make your gestures complete, and appropriate to the size of your audience. Be careful not to point at people; if you need to refer to someone in the audience, use your entire hand. Fidgeting and short, jerky movements are distracting. Here are 5 common gestures or postures that show nervousness.

USING VISUAL AIDS Here are some tips for presenting with visual aids.

Practice and test everything in advance, including markers.


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Make sure the audience can see you AND the visual aid, and ensure that all visual aids can be seen from the back row.

When using a screen, avoid blocking the light by standing or walking in front of the projector.

Maintain eye contact with the audience. Looking back or sideways at a screen is distracting.

Avoid standing behind a podium or table. You can have the laptop with the PowerPoint slightly in front and to the side, so that you can see the current slide.

Use a remote for changing slides.

Remove visual aids when you’re not referring to them. If you’re using PowerPoint, click the “B” key for the screen to go black.

Keep sound effects to a minimum, as they can be distracting.

Place a flip chart on the opposite side of your dominant hand, to make it easier to write.

Hold a visual aid up and to the side of your body, not in front of you. When you hold it in front of you, energy is blocked.

Unless needed for the presentation, keep handouts and samples to be picked up at the completion of the presentation.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS The question and answer period is before the conclusion. As it’s still part of your presentation, it’s important that you maintain control.

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STEPS TO ANSWER QUESTIONS 1. Repeat the question; confirm your understanding if you are unclear.

2. Answer the question to the entire audience.

3. Ask, Did that answer your question?

4. Say: Next question please or

I have time for one more question or

That’s all the time I have for questions INTERRUPTIONS There are some measures you can take to prevent interruptions during your presentation. If they occur, here are some responses that can handle them

Heckler Ignore, or be polite, but brisk. Keep calm and neutral - never defensive or angry.

Chatterer Was there something you wanted to say? They often have something to contribute; if not, they get the message.

Latecomer Ignore; otherwise you are doing a disservice for the people that are on time.

Cell phones, pagers Ask for them to be turned off or put away. ANSWERING DIFFICULT QUESTIONS Here are some effective responses to difficult questions.

You do not know the answer I don’t know, and let them know where to find the answer.


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It is tough or unusual That’s very interesting; I’ve never heard of that before. Use it as a learning situation: What could we do in this situation?

It is outside the scope of the presentation

Say so.

They don’t understand Let me clarify that.

It is an objection in the question I can understand why there might be a question…It is my view that…

It is a statement Did you have a question? Never answer a statement; see the explanation below.

When we answer a statement as if it’s a question, we can sound defensive. Defensiveness is a ‘victim’ trait, so this lessens our credibility. Rather than answer the statement, we can acknowledge the statement. Here is an example.

Statement: That sounds expensive.

Defensive response: It costs that much because…

Acknowledgement response: Oh; it may sound that way. Do you have a question about it?

THE ENVIRONMENT Here are some tips for arranging your speaking environment. ROOM SET UP

You can use signs to indicate the position of the seminar / presentation.

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Windows can be a distraction. You can draw curtains, or position the audience so that windows are behind them.

Ideally, the room is cool with good air circulation.

You may start with the lights dim, and then turn them up when the presentation is about to start. If possible, use natural light rather than fluorescent.

To avoid the noisy interruption of people arriving late, you may be able to tape the door latch closed, to lessen the sound of the door shutting.

Arrange chairs in the fewest possible rows. Set up the room to be wide and shallow rather than narrow and deep. This allows you easier access and connection to all participants.

Eliminate barriers, such as a podium or tables, as much as possible. They block energy.

If note taking is involved, provide a writing surface.

Put out 10% fewer chairs than required, leaving the rest stacked at the back. Empty chairs can give the impression that your presentation is not popular. If all expected participants attend, then bringing in extra chairs means your event is ‘the place to be’.

If you are conducting a workshop, and you don’t need to be standing for the entire presentation, a barstool can allow you to be comfortable.

TIMING

Plan to break every 50 - 55 minutes. After 50 minutes the ability to take in information declines. After a 5 - 10 minute break, the ability to take in information continues to increase.

DO NOT go beyond allotted time. If you finish early – great!


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You can have an assistant at the back of the room hold up cards numbered from 5 to 1 to indicate the number of minutes until the break.

MICROPHONE

The most commonly used microphone is a lavaliere; it clips to the lapel, and usually has a battery-pack, which can clip to the waistband at the back. Make sure the microphone is positioned directly beneath your chin; if it’s to the side, when you turn your head in the opposite direction your voice may be lost.

If you are using a hand-held microphone, hold it at an angle about 6 inches down from your mouth. Avoid walking in front of the amplifier, as you’ll get feedback.

The head-set microphone is often used for large venues; the look can be distracting for a small presentation.

MUSIC

You can use music to signal the beginning and end of the presentation, and the beginning and end of each break.

During the presentation baroque (classical) music can be played just under the audible level. This is a technique used in super-learning as an aid to retention.

Appropriate music may be played during experiential exercises. The music anchors in the feeling and experience of the lesson.

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T H E W R A P - U P

PRESENTATION FOLLOW-UP PRESENTATION EVALUATION FORM At the end of your presentation, have participants complete an evaluation form, like the one here. It not only gives you ideas to improve, it can also garner you testimonials, and possibly more presentations. Program: Date:

Participant Name:

Thank you for taking the time to complete this evaluation.

Rating Very Good Good Not Very Good

Value of material

Style of presenter

Handouts and other visuals

What did you like MOST about the program?

What would you like more of? In what other programs would you be interested?

Comments

May we quote you? Yes No


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SUMMARY OF KEY POINTS Visualize your ideal presentation, and yourself as your ideal presenter.

Own your material; come from your experience.

Research your audience – what do they want and how will they benefit?

Be clear on your objective – what action do you want the audience to take?

Identify the core message – your entire presentation in one sentence.

Have 2 or 3 main points.

Have powerful opening and closing lines.

Have an agenda; start and stop on time.

Use visual aids that are clear and professional.

Allow handouts or samples to be distributed after the presentation, if possible.

Prepare well, and practice.

Control your environment: room set-up, sound, etc.

Maintain control; keep a positive and professional demeanour.

Hold the question and answer period prior to your conclusion.

Be yourself; come from your heart rather than a façade.

Love your audience and have fun.

“The success of your presentation will be judged not by the knowledge you send but by what the listener receives.” ~ Lily Walters

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P A R T 4

AA PP PP EE NN DD II XX

Connect with each person as if you’re already in a loving, respectful relationship. Getting to know the human aspects can come later.

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A N S W E R S Pages 26-27

Police officer

Firefighter

Mail carrier

Supervisor

Salesperson

Chair

Flight attendant

Server

Actor

Host

Stitcher

Page 28

Slender

Full-figure, full body

Economical

High quality

Relaxed

Ambitious

Unique

Quiet

Outgoing

Youthful

Mature

Agreement

Dreamer / unlimited

Pages 29-30

Let’s look at the possibilities

Would you consider…

I choose

Let’s see what we can do [or don’t say anything]

I choose this

This is the way I am

You knew what to do

I will / will not

I feel intimidated

I am angry

[Just say it]

Pages 31

$100

Luxury

Surprise

Warning

Plans

Gift

Result

Page 32

Use

Change

Works

Big enough

Start

We intend to

Unusual

Page 53

#10 – True

#12 – False

All of the others are ?

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A C T I V I T I E S Here is a list of activities in this book BEHAVIOUR B1 Assess needs B2 Assess motives B3 Change an attitude B4 Research a typology B5 Identify your behaviour style B6 Identify your communication style B7 Eliminate communication barriers INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION C1 Change job titles to be gender

neutral C2 Reframe to a positive connotation C3 Change victim language to

empowered C4 Eliminate unnecessary words C5 Use short, familiar words C6 Getting to a neutral tonality C7 Assess your tonality C8 Vocal exercises C9 Eye direction test C10 Experiencing proper posture C11 Haptics exercise C12 Proxemics exercise C13 Television body language C14 Slide show body language C15 Vibrational exercise part 1 C16 Vibrational exercise part 2 C17 Empathic listening exercise C18 Critical listening exercise

C19 Improving communication C20 Matching communication style C21 Mirroring exercises C22 Develop a résumé C23 Develop a cover letter C24 Role-play a job interview PRESENTATION SKILLS S1 Motivational questions S2 What creates fear S3 Peripheral vs. tunnel vision S4 Visualize your ideal as a speaker S5 Write your affirmation as your ideal

speaker S6 What is your favourite topic S7 Write a compelling description of

your talk S8 Write a description of your ideal

audience S9 Write your objective S10 Write your core message S11 Start your outline S12 Write your opening and closing S13 Develop an example using a

metaphor S14 Develop a story S15 Develop a PowerPoint presentation S16 Develop cue cards S17 Write your own introduction for

someone to present you S18 Presentation style practice

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R E S O U R C E S Conversational Magic – Les Donaldson Essential Self, Essential Style – Alyce Parsons, Kathy Hurley, Theodore Donson How to Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less – Milo Frank How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie I Know What You Are Thinking: Using the Four Codes of Reading People to Improve Your Life – Lillian Glass Secrets of Power Presentations – Peter Urs Bender Signals: How to Use Body Language for Power, Success and Love – Allan Pease Teach Yourself Body Language – Gordon R. Wainwright Who Are You? 101 Ways of Seeing Yourself – Malcolm Godwin Video – Amy Cuddy: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are. http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html

max im i ze you r s ucces s quo t i en t !

YouT e

[email protected]

1.647.290.6860 toronto . canada

www. image in s t i t u te .com

“I cannot begin to tell you how my life

has changed as a result of our

consultation. I am getting more

respect personally and professionally,

my sales volume has more than

doubled, and I have more confidence

and joy.” ~Norbert, President of an IT

company

“I got the job as a direct result of your

interview coaching!” ~Peter, PhD.

Business

“I actually spent less money this year

shopping with you, than I did last year

shopping on my own. Yet last year I

had nothing to wear. This year I have

high quality clothes that I love, and

something for every need. Getting

dressed is now a pleasure, rather than

a chore.” ~Helen, Stockbroker

Call for a complimentary

image assessment form

Recognize potential, embrace possibilities,

and intensify your personal power

personal sessions

playshops

keynotes

corporate training

train-the-trainer

image & appearance

etiquette & protocol

communication skills

personal growth

energy shifting

Optimize your , andAppearance Behaviour CommunicationOptimize your , andAppearance Behaviour Communication

The truth of who you are

is not in your limitations;

it’s in your potential.

Documents

COMMUNICATION...On my 31st birthday I discovered personal development, and it was life transforming. Since then, I have been on a deliberate path to expand my consciousness. I have