ConflictManagement101

RELATIONSHIP

GOALS

HighImportance

HighImportanceLowImportance

Smoothing

Withdrawing Imposing

Problem-solving

AdaptedfromDavidJohnson“ReachingOut”

RELATIONSHIP

GOALS

HighImportance

HighImportanceLowImportance

Smoothing

Withdrawing Imposing

Problem-solving

AdaptedfromDavidJohnson“ReachingOut”

•  Ifthegoalisveryimportant•  Iftimeisshort•  Whendecisiveactionis

needed

•  Iftheissueistrivial•  Ifyouhavenochanceof

winning•  Iftheissueisvery

emotional

•  Ifrelationshipsneedtobepreserved

•  Iftheotherismoresenior,isanexpertortheyhaveabettersolutionthanyou

•  Iftheissueiscomplex•  Ifroomisneededfor

everyone’sideas

BESTUSEDWHEN….

RELATIONSHIP

GOALS

HighImportance

HighImportanceLowImportance

Smoothing

Withdrawing Imposing

Problem-solving

AVOIDING

AdaptedfromDavidJohnson“ReachingOut”

IMPOSING

TipsforresolvingconflictYou’rebothAvoiding

You’rebothImposing

Whattypicallyhappens:•  Bothofyoumaynottakeanyaction.•  Youmaydampendownfeelingsthatcould

suddenlysurfacelateron.

Whattypicallyhappens:•  Neitherofyouisafraidtosaywhat’son

yourmind.•  Thediscussioncaneasilybecomeheated.•  Intheheatofthemoment,youmightend

upsayingthingsyoudon’tactuallybelieve.•  Youbothfeeldisrespected.

Whattodo:•  Takethelead.•  Saydirectly,“Iknowneitherofuslikes

conflict,butIthinkitwouldbevaluabletodiscusswhatwecoulddoaboutit.”

•  Doyourbesttodrawtheotherpersonoutinanempathetic,thoughtfulway.

•  Ifthingsgettough,fightyournaturalinclinationtogiveup.

•  Problem-solvecollaboratively.

Whattodo:•  Sinceyou’llbothbeeagertoaddressthe

situation,taketimetopreparefortheconversation.

•  You’rebothlikelytofeelimpatient;scheduleyourdiscussioninawaythatallowsyoubothtotakebreaks.

•  Beready—thingsmaygetheatup.Suggestacoffeebreakorawalktohelpevenoutemotions.

•  Problem-solvecollaboratively.

AdaptedfromAmyGallo,July2017HBR

TipsforresolvingconflictYou’reImposingandthey’reAvoiding You’reAvoidingandthey’reImposing

Whattypicallyhappens:•  Youtendtobulldozeyourcounterpartinto

agreeingwithyou.•  Yourcounterpartmayactinapassive-

aggressivemannertogettheirpointacross.

Whattypicallyhappens:•  Youmightbetemptedtoplaytheroleof

“goodguy”andgoalongwithwhatyourcounterpartwants.

•  Youmightgettrampledbyyourcounterpart’srequests.

Whattodo:•  Askthepersontoparticipateactivelyin

theconversation—nothidetheiropinions.

•  Assurethemthatyoucanhandlecriticalfeedback.

•  Don’tbeabully.•  Bepatientwiththepaceofthe

conversation.•  Problem-solvecollaboratively.

Whattodo:•  Explicitlyaskforwhatyouneed:“Tohave

aproductiveconversation,Ineedyoutobepatientandwatchthetoneandvolumeofyourvoice.”

•  Earnyourcounterpart’srespectbybeingdirectandtothepoint.

•  Don’tsignaldisrespect,whichmaysetoffyourcounterpart.

•  Problem-solvecollaboratively.

Sixstepstocollaborativeproblemsolving

Step1:Definetheproblemintermsofneeds,notsolutionso  Solutiontypedefinitionsofinterpersonalproblemsleadtowin/losesolutions

o  Besuretodiscerntheothersstrongneedo  Assertonesownneedandlistenreflectivelyuntilyouunderstandtheothersneed:

o  “Ineedto….” “Youneedto….”o  Aproblemwelldefinedisaproblemhalfsolved.

Step2:Brainstormpossiblesolutionso  Rapidlygenerateandlistsolutionideaso  Don’tclarifyorseekclarificationo  Don’tevaluate

o  Goforunusual/crazyideaso  Expandoneachothersideaso  Listeveryidea

Sixstepstocollaborativeproblemsolving

Step3:Selectthesolutionthatwillbestmeetbothpartiesneeds–  Clarifyfirst,thenevaluatewhichsolution/sshouldbe

selected:1.  Asktheotherwhichalternativestheyfavour2.  Statewhichalternativeslookbesttoyou3.  Seewhichcoincide4.  Jointlydecideononeormorealternatives

–  Findconsensus,thatishaveacontinualfreeandopenexchangeofideasuntilagreementisreached.

Sixstepstocollaborativeproblemsolving

Step4:Planwhowilldowhat,whereandbywhen–  Avoidcelebratingtooearlyandforgettingthedetail–  Decidewhowilldowhat,whereandwhen–  Decideifitwouldbeusefultowritetheplandown

Sixstepstocollaborativeproblemsolving

Step5:ImplementthePlan–  Asagestureofgoodfaith,completeyouractionsonschedule

–  Iftheagreementisnotlivedupto,sendanassertionmessageandlistenreflectively.

Sixstepstocollaborativeproblemsolving

Step6:Evaluatetheproblemsolvingprocess–  Maketimetoseehowwelltheprocessworkedforyou–  Whateachlikedmostandleast–  Onethingthatbotheredeachofyou–  Anythingeitherofyouwishestheyhadn’tsaid–  Whateachofyoucandobetternexttime

Sixstepstocollaborativeproblemsolving