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CONFLICTRESOLUTIONINCREDITMANAGEMENT
HOWWESEE,UNDERSTANDANDPROCESSCONFLICTANDTOOLSTO
HELPUSTHROUGHIT
Presentedby:JeffJones,MACR
Open Circle Solutions© [email protected]@credibleleader
AWORLD IN TURMOIL
Recentstoriesofconflict…
¨ NorthKorea¨ PoliticalTurmoil¨ ClimateChange¨ YardWorkorGolfing¨ TexasRangersandTorontoBlueJays¨ TheSalesDepartment
Whatareyourheadlines?
CREDIT AND SALES
SEEING CLEARLY
Wedonotseethingsastheyare,
weseethemasweare.
-Anais Nin
CLEVELAND CLINIC EMPATHY VIDEO
HOW WE SEE OTHERS
Inallmomentsweareseeingotherseitheraspeoplelikeourselvesorasobjects.Thatis,weareeitherseeingthatotherscountlikewedo,orwe’renot.Whenwechoosetoseeothersasobjectsandfailtoseethattheycountasweourselvesdo,wecreatewithinourselvesanewneed.Wecreatetheneedtobejustifiedforourobjectificationofothers-aneedthatgivesusreasontolikeproblemsmorethansolutionsandmistreatmentmorethancooperation.–MartinBuber
ARE YOU THE PROBLEM OR SOLUTION?
Thesinglebiggest
challengetoresolvingconflictisovercomingthebeliefthatthe
otherpartyisresponsiblefortheconflict.
JeffJones
HOW DO YOU SEE CONFLICT?
¨ “Theonlydifferencebetweenstumblingblocksandsteppingstonesisthewayinwhichweusethem.”-- AdrianaDoyle
¨ “Nosnowflakeinanavalancheeverfeelsresponsible.”-- StanislawLec
¨ “Conflictisn'tnegative,itjustis.”-- ThomasCrum
TWO COMMON TYPES OF CONFLICT
INTERPERSONAL &INTRAGROUP aretwocommontypesofconflict
¨ Interpersonal conflictexistsbetween2peopleandcanoftenberesolvedbetweenthem(withtherighttools)ormayrequireamediator.
¨ Intragroup conflictexistsbetween2ormorepartieswithinthesamegroupandusuallyrequiresamediatortoassistinresolution.
THE COST OF CONFLICT
Conflictcostsbusinessesthousands,ifnothundredsofthousands,ofdollarseachyear.
¨ Time – thecostofthetimespentinconflictbetween2ormoreparties
¨ Morale – thetimeandenergylostbyco-workersdiscussingtheconflictandgossipingaboutthepartiesinvolved
¨ Attrition – thecostoflosing/hiringemployees,trainingandacclimationofnewemployees
¨ 100employeesx2hrs/wk x52x$20=$208,000¨ 1,000employeesx2hrs/wk x52x$20=$2,080,000
DELIVERING THE GOODS
One critical difference between companies who consistently deliver high-quality products with high ratings for customer service and those who don’t is how quickly and how effectively they acknowledge problems or conflicts and how they choose to address them.
UNRESOLVED CONFLICT DANGER
Unresolvedconflictleadstoon-goingtensionandresentment.
ReducemoraleLossofproductivityLackofteamwork
BitternessTurnover
THE COURAGE TO RESOLVE CONFLICT
“Courageiswhatittakestostandupandspeak.Courageisalsowhatittakesto
sitdownandlisten.”WinstonChurchill
CONFLICT TRUTHS
¨ Conflictsareinevitable.
¨ Effectiveleaders*choose howtoresolveconflict.
¨ Skillsarenotinnate,theyarelearned
¨ Whenconflictsaremanagedsuccessfully,theycanturndestructiverelationshipsintoproductiveones
¨ Managingconflictisourresponsibility.
¨ ItisIMPERATIVEthatconflictisaddressed.
PEACEMAKER OR PEACETAKER
“Overthecourseofourtimetogether,thingsarelikelytogetworse.But,theonlyprovenpathtoadeep,lastingpeaceisthroughthemiddleoftheconflict.”- JoeyCopeJ.D.,ExecutiveDirectorofDuncumCenterSolutions,PastDirectorofMACRatACU
Peoplewhodesiretobepeacemakersarewillingtoenterintotheuncomfortableness,andevenpain,ofconflictandbewillingtoexplore,tolisten,andtoteardownandrebuildtheirownattitudes,feelingsandcommunicationsthathavebeendistortedbyconflict.Itrequireschoosingtostepintoconflict,notawayfromconflict.
DEFINING PEACE
Howwouldyoudefineit?
Peaceistheabilitytobecontent,eventohavejoy,intimesofvictoryandinthemidstoftrials.
Truepeaceallowsustoenjoythegoodtimesinlifeandkeepsusbuoyantduringthestruggles.
Drillingdowntotheheartofconflict,theinterestsoftheparties,iswhereconflictcanberesolvedandreconciled.
Issues,Positions&Interests
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –ACCURACY OVER ACTION
ISSUES,POSITONS &INTERESTS –ILLOGICAL,UNREASONABLE,IRRATIONAL
Logic,reasonandrationalearetheworsttoolstoresolveconflict.– Hesha Abrams
TheLotteryTicketexercise
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –THE TITANIC PROBLEM OF CONFLICT
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –GETTING BELOW THE LINE
GoBelowtheLine
¨ Issue - theissueiswhatstartstheconflict
¨ Position - thepositionisthateachpartywants____________________________________________________________
¨ Interest - theinterestisthewhythatisdrivingthepartiesandthemostimportantthingtoaddress
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –HOW IT HAPPENS
The preludeThe triggering event
Change, attitude, miscommunication, real or perceived differences, culture, values
The internal responseHurt, fear, disagreement, competition, territory, bitterness
The external responseLashing out, cold shoulder gossip, legal action
The Orange Dilemma
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –THE ORANGE DILEMNA
¨ TheIssue¤ Yourtwochildrenareyellingateachother.Whenyouaskwhatisgoingon,theresponseis“Iwanttheorangeandhe/shewon’tletmehaveit!”
¨ ThePositions¤ Onechild“needs”theorangeandtheotherwastherefirstand“deserves”theorange.
¨ TheInterest¤ Onechildwantsthefruittoeat.Theotherchildneedsthepeelforaschoolexperiment.Knowingtheinterestsallowsresolutionoftheconflict.
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –SOURCES &SYMPTOMS OF CONFLICT
¨ Change¨ RealorPerceivedDifferences
¨ Attitude¨ Values¨ Culture¨ Miscommunication
¨ Dispute¨ Competition¨ Workingagainstanother
¨ Lackofproductivity¨ Poormorale¨ Bitterness¨ Lossofrelationship
Sources Symptoms
ISSUES,POSITIONS &INTERESTS –CONFLICT RESULTS
¨ Destroystrust¨ Reducesmorale/teamwork¨ Wastestimeandresources¨ Affectsother/creates“Us&Them”mentality
¨ Reducesoreliminatescommunication
¨ Internalfear,anguish,pain
¨ Buildstrust¨ Improvesmorale/teamwork¨ Definesproblemsandinspirescreativity
¨ Buildsbonds¨ Allowsventing/beingheard¨ Internalconfidence,energy,collaboration
Negative Positive
Therearemultiplepersonalitytypes/styles.It’snowonderwedon’tallgetalong.
PersonalityStyles
AGREE AND WE ARE BOTH RIGHT
EQUAL ≠SAME
We are all made equal but weARE NOT
made the same way.
According to the Myers-Brigg assessment, you are 1 of 16 personality types.
PERSONALITIES &BEHAVIORS
Behavior Style Quick Assessment
This is a quick assessment you can use when dealing with others to determine how to approach them and tell a story they will understand.
H HESHA ABRAMS MEDIATION, LLC
Specializing in Producing Innovative Deals and Solutions for Intellectual Property, Complex and Difficult Matters Hesha Abrams Mediation LLC © Hesha Abrams 1986 – 2017 (214) 415-8797 www.HeshaAbramsMediation.com
General Descriptions—Ranges of Behavior
Below are general descriptions of the four Behavior Styles. They represent ranges of behavior rather than specific categories of automatic responses. It should be used as a guide only.
Although most individuals tend to use a predominant Style, everyone has access to behavior characteristics from all four Styles. There are many variations. For example, some individuals use one Style at work and another Style in personal relationships. It is important to remember that an individual may change the Style he or she is using depending upon the situation.
Evaluator Provides well thought out opinions "
Makes cautious decisions " Follows rules and regulations "
Works in a methodical manner " Asks questions about tasks "
Withholds emotions " Wants facts and details "
Commander " States strong opinions
" Makes quick, bold decisions " Little socializing
" States expectations " Makes statements about tasks
" Shows limited emotions " Wants immediate results
Arranger Provides moderate opinions "
Involves others to make decisions " Avoids confrontation "
Is receptive to new ideas " Asks questions about people "
Agrees readily " Wants to please others "
Influencer " States opinions based on emotions
" Makes impulsive decisions " Talks fast
" Prefers to work without supervision " Makes statements to motivate others
" Expresses emotions easily " Wants approval and praise
TASK
D E L I B E R A T E
FAST
PEOPLE
PACE PACE
F O C U S
F O C U S
WHO’S THE GREATEST?
Ineed2volunteerswithdifferentpersonalitytypes.
C’mon…thiswillbefun!
Really.Itwill.
PreferableCommunicationStyle
WithCpeople:Bespecific,confident,well-reasoned,demonstrateimmediateadvantages,profitprovideexamples;usevisualaids.
WithEpeople:Bespecific,well-reasoned;usevisualaids,diagrams,useconcepts,theoriesappealtointellectualcapabilities,givethemachallenge,showhowtheprobleminhandorsubjectofcommunicationfitsintothe"bigpicture”
WithIpeople:Besupportive,expressive,andconfident,provideexamples;demonstrateimmediateadvantages,profit,appealtofeelingsandemotions
WithApeople:Beexpressive,well-reasoned,usevisualaids,useconcepts,theories,appealtotheirintuition,givethemachallenge,showhowtheprobleminhandorsubjectofcommunicationfitsintothe"bigpicture"
Knowingandunderstandingyourconflictstyleallowsyoutobetterapproachresolvingconflictwithothers.
ConflictStyles
LET’S WORK TOGETHER
CONFLICT STYLES
Collaboration = Win/Win
Accommodation = You Win/I Lose
Compromise = You Lose/I Lose
Compete = I Win/You Lose
Avoidance = Nothing Happens
AVOIDANCE
Feelings
¨ Wants the problem to disappear
¨ Hopes it will be workout¨ Wishes it would stop¨ Denies there is a problem¨ Doesn’t want to change¨ Doesn’t want to “fight”¨ It’s just not worth it
Results
¨ The issue or the people are not very important
¨ No chance of satisfying own desire or concern
¨ Cost of confrontation outweighs the benefit of resolving conflict
¨ Insecurity prevents any attempt to resolve the conflict without help
COMPETITION
Feelings
¨ Little or no concern for the other person/party
¨ High exertion of power¨ Adversarial¨ Aggressive¨ A “win” is most
important
Results
¨ May damage relationship¨ Useful when decision is
immediately necessary/when unpopular decision must be made
¨ Achieve results when extremely important to self
¨ May be necessary when others are unwilling to work together
¨ Price negotiation
COMPROMISE
Feelings
¨ Concern for reaching a workable (not best) solution for all parties
¨ Better to give in than get nothing
¨ Solution may be fair but no one achieved what they wanted
¨ Better than nothing
Results
¨ Ability to reach some of the goals of both parties
¨ Acceptable when under tight time constraints
¨ Neither party is more powerful than the other
¨ Goals are important but not ironclad
ACCOMMODATION
Feelings
¨ Gives up easily¨ Rather the other
person/party be content than having self-contentment
¨ Low concern for self/low esteem of self
¨ High value placed on placating relationship
Results
¨ Realize you are or may be wrong
¨ Useful when issue is more important to the other party
¨ Preserving harmony/avoiding disruption seems important
¨ Willing to give up now for more in the future
¨ Fear of damaging relationship
COLLABORATION
Feelings
¨ Parties are working together
¨ Parties seek win/win resolution
¨ Excitement to create the best alternative
¨ Cooperation to work together is evident
Results
¨ Concern is high for self and for others
¨ Relationships are built/strengthened
¨ Creates long term results and commitments
¨ Complex problems are solved with positive solutions
Openingoureyestodifferentpersonalitiesandconflictstylesallowsustocommunicatebetter.
Tools
PERCEPTION VS REALITY
Conflictoftenresultsfromperceptionsthatoneisavictimofother'sself-centerednesswhiletheonewhofeelstheyarethevictimdeniestheirownself-centeredness.
Conflictoftenresultsfromwoundsacquiredthroughstagesoflifethataffectsself-worth.
DO YOU SEE WHAT ISEE?
Man Playing Horn Or Woman Silhouette?
(hint: woman’s right eye is the black speck in front of the horn handle)
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
TRIP is an acronym representing the goals of resolving conflictØ Topic goals ask “what does each person want?”Ø Relational goals ask “who are we to each other?”Ø Identity goals ask “who am I in this conflict?”Ø Process goals ask “what communication process will
be used to resolve the conflict?”
THE THIRD SIDE OF CONFLICT
THE CONFRONTATION PROCESSALES
Ø ASSESS & ACKNOWLEDGE – take time to assess the conflict from a high level view/open the door for communicating with the other party.
Ø LISTEN – actively listen to the other party. Practice active listening to 1) let them know you are listening and 2) use the time to hear what they are saying (Covey’s rule)
Ø EMPATHIZE – make an effort to understand what the other party is thinking/feeling and put yourself in their shoes
Ø SPEAK (SUMMARIZE) – show the other party you understand while seeking to resolve the conflict together
ASSESS &ACKNOWLEDGE
AssessØ Goto”thebalcony”– assessthebiggerpicture
Ø Quietyourmind/Thinkpositively/Breathe/Considerwhatyouwantanddon’twant/Acceptimperfectsolutions/Focusonwhatmatters(theissue)/Acceptyourfearoftheunknownandlackofcontrol
AcknowledgeØ Validatetheotherparty
Ø Showappreciationfortalkingevenindisagreement/Staycalm–concentrateontheproblem,nottheperson/Beclearinstatingyourfeelings– donotavoidtheconflictbutdonotassessblame/Beconstructive– usepersuasion,notcoercion/Focusonsolutions/Use“I”statements– avoid“blanket”statements
ACTIVE LISTENING
Seekfirsttounderstand,thenbeunderstood.¨ Bementallypresent¨ Adoptaneutrallisteningpose¨ Donotinterrupt¨ Repeatback/askvalidatingquestions/reframe
Ø SowhatIhearyousayingis___________Ø Areyousaying__________?Ø Canyousaythatagain?IwanttomakesureIhearyoucorrectly.
Ø Canyoutellmemoreabouttheplan/incident?
EMPATHIZE
v The act of empathizing allows one to identify with another’s view even if you disagree. Remember, there are differences between understanding and agreeing.
v “You obviously had a tough time…”v “I can see that you are very upset/angry/disturbed
by…”v “I know you are frustrated…”
SPEAK/SUMMARIZE
v Now is the time to ensure understanding and agreement in the solutionü Express appreciation for working through the
issueü Repeat the resolution agreements (“So I
understand you to say…”, ”Here’s my understanding of our solution…”)
ü Write out the resolution agreementsü Meet again and review
MORE THAN ONE WAY TO RESOLVE CONFLICT
DEALING WITH UNCERTAINTY
As we deal with uncertainty, our thoughts often become more irrational and erratic.
In uncertain times, our brains shift control to the limbic system where emotions such as anxiety and fear are generated.
Is it any wonder conflict makes us nervous, even scares us?
STOP,REMOVE EMOTION,PROCESS,LISTEN,TALK
The best way to resolve conflict is to follow the process.
Not your head. Not your heart.
Follow the process.
BE RESPECTFUL,BE NICE,BE KIND
¨ Conflict resolution is best done face to faceo Email and texting are good for delivering factual
information and HORRIBLE for delivering context
¨ Choose your words carefullyvWords are powerful vWords can carry multiple meanings vWords have the power to destroy vWords have the power to heal
BE PEACEMAKERS
¨ Beware of conflict escalators (loud voice, blanket statements, interruption, threats)
¨ Use de-escaltors (“I” statements, active listening, sincerity, refer to shared goals)
¨ Care. About others. About yourself. About the others affected.
CONFLICTRESOLUTIONINCREDITMANAGEMENT
BEAPEACEMAKER!
Presentedby:JeffJones,MACR
Open Circle Solutions©[email protected]
@credibleleader
