MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 1

Fam

ily F

orum

WINTER 2012

Family Forum is the

newsletterof the

Minnesota Council on

Family Relations, a

state affiliate of the

National Council on

Family Relations

PLAN TO ATTEND! Spring 2012 MCFR ConferenceComo Park Visitor Center, Rainforest Auditorium, St Paul, MN

The Minnesota Council on Family

Relations strengthens all

families by educating and

supporting family professionals and

promoting connections

among those involved in

research, policy and practice.

Congratulations,Newly-elected MCFR Officers!

President Elect: Mary Maher, MSW, LPESecretary: Kristin Dillon, MS, PhD Treasurer: Beth Yokom, LPE, MA

At Large Board Members:Mike Brown, EdDCarol Bruess, PhD Peggy Cardenas Colleen Clements Beth Gausman

Alisha M. Hardman, CFLELisa Krause, MAGail Peavey, MS

Sharon Powell, PhD

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 2

Greetings MCFR Members, 

Iamhonoredandalsoexcitedtostarttheyear2012withenthusiasmandoptimismaboutMinnesotaCouncilonFamilyRelations(MCFR),anon‐profitvolunteerorganization,anditsabilitytomeetthechallengesofthecomingyears.Wearekeenlycognizantoftheneedtokeeppacewitharapidlychangingworldandthusareevaluatingandre‐evaluatingthesupportandexperienceweofferprofessionalsandstudents. AswiththeMCFRPhilosophies/Values,webelievethat“familiesandprofessionalsmutuallybenefitwhenprofessionalspursuecontinuingeducation,applycurrentresearchandtheory,practiceandupholdethicalprofessionalstandards,andusebestpractice.”Wealsobelievethat“familiesexistinavarietyofforms.Thestrengthsandabilitiesofallfamiliesneedtoberecognizedandnurtured.Multidisciplinarydialogueenhancestheabilityoffamilyprofessionalstoeffectivelyworkwithandforfamilies.”And“familiesarebestservedwithintheframeworkthatemphasizesfamilystrengths,diversity,interconnectedness,andsocialcontext.”Ithink,therefore,itissoimportantforourworktobeattunedtotheneedsnotonlyoffamilyprofessionalsandstudentsbutalsoofallfamiliesinthechangingworld. IamproudofthefactthattheMCFRBoardmembers’insightfulandimpressiveworkisnotatopdownprocessbutonethatconsiderstheneeds,concerns,andaspirationsoftheentireMinnesotacommunity–students,professionals,policymakers,andfamilies.OurBoardofDirectorsAnnualRetreatonJanuary20,2012wasfilledwithstories,hopes,anddreamsthatinspireustobecomewhoweare,whatwedo,and/orwhatwehopetodointhefuture.TheBoardmembershavebeenplanningandmakingprogressinourprojectsforthisyearwithourmission,whichisto“strengthenallfamiliesbyeducatingandsupportingfamilyprofessionalsandpromotingconnectionsamongthoseinvolvedinresearch,policy,andpractice.”

2012 MCFR Spring ConferenceIamveryexcitedabouttheupcomingspringconference.OurSpringConferenceCommitteemembers,GlenF.Palm,SharonPowell,MaryMaher,LisaKrause,PeggyCardenas,andmyself,arecurrentlyintheprocessofplanningthespringconference.Thetopicis“SameSexParents,Partners,theirChildrenandFamilies:Information&ResourcesforFamilyProfessionals.”StaytunedformoreinformationpostedontheMCFRwebsite,www.mcfr.net,andMinneNews.

Ethical Thinking and Practice (ETP) workshops for family professionalsManythankstoAdaAlden,DawnCassidy,BettyCooke,BethGausman,GlenPalm,MariettaRice,JoyceSchultenover,AnneStokes,SueStoner,andKathyZannerfordevelopingandrevisingthepublicationandtheworkshoppresentation.IwanttothankRoseAllenandMinnellTralleforcoordinatingtheETPworkshopsthroughoutthestateofMinnesotaforthepastyears.IalsowanttothanktheprojectchairBettyCooke,MaryMaher,AdaAlden,GlenF.Palm,BillAllen,BethGausman,andothermembersfortheirexemplaryleadership,revisingtheworkshoppresentation,recruitingandtraining

From the President San HaMinnesota Council on Family Relations

Board of DirectorsPresident

.........................San Ha 952-285-8685

President-Elect..................Mary Maher 612-247-3619

Immediate Past President..............Leanne Sponsel 651-646-1474

Secretary...................Kristin Dillon 612-484-4014

Treasurer...................Beth Yokom 763-433-4901

Membership Committee Chair ..............................Volunteer Needed

Policy Committee Chair..............................Volunteer Needed

Communications Committee Chair..............................Volunteer Needed

Ethical Practices Project Chair..................Betty Cooke 952-545-0588

Spring Conference Chair................Sharon Powell 612-729-7459

Ethics Workshops Coordinating Committee Chairs

........................Bill Allen 612-701-3813..................Mary Maher 612-247-3619

Student/New Professional Section..........Chair Chun Zhang 612-232-3612

NCFR Representative.....................Rose Allen 651-480-7745

Past Presidents....................Ada Alden 612-975-6990.....................Glen Palm 320-308-2129......................Ron Pitzer 612-331-1970

At-Large Members..................MIke Bender 763-331-4443

..............Michael Brown 651-582-8399................Carol Bruess 651-962-5829

............Peggy Cardenas 651-230-7220..........Colleen Clements 651-402-1224

...............Beth Gausman 763-432-7164.............Alisha Hardman 612-616-6906

....................Lisa Krause 763-438-1093............Raelene Ostberg 507-645-2948

...................Gail Peavey 612-940-4245................Sharon Powell 612-729-7459

Family Forum Editor: ......................Ron Pitzer 612-331-1970

Family Forum Managing Editor: ...............Linda Vukelich 651-278-4241

Minnesota Council on Family Relations2738 Evergreen Cir, St. Paul, MN 55110

phone: 651-407-0950 fax: 651-407-1754www.mcfr.net

Continued on page 3

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 3

What’s New at NCFR

workshoppresenters,andplanningtheETPworkshopsthisyear.

PleaseemailMaryMaheratmary.maher@comcast.nettoreceivemoreinformationabouttheETPworkshopsandpresenters.

2012 MCFR Annual Fall ConferenceIwanttothankSueMeyersforherimpressiveinitiativetoconnectandconfirmthekeynotespeaker,PaulineBoss,whowillspeakatourAnnualFallConferenceonhermostrecenttopicofambiguouslossofelderswithdementia.TheAnnualConferencewillbeheldonFriday,December7,2012.JoiningourFallConferenceCommitteeisanotheropportunityforMCFRmemberstogetinvolvedinourprojectsandgivebacktoyourcommunityandsociety.

Savethedateandstaytunedformoreinformation!

Fortune in the Wonderful WorldAswesangthesong,“WhataWonderfulWorld”attheMCFRAnnualFallConferenceonDecember2,2011,I

knowthatwearenotalonetostrivetomaketheworldabetterplace.Ihavebeeninvolvedindifferentorganizationsindifferenttimesandplacesasavolunteertomakeadifferenceinthelivesofallpeopleintheworldsince1988.However,Ibelievethatstrengtheningallfamiliesisthehardestbutthebestwaytobuildawonderfulworldforall.Iknowthattheissuesortaskswefaceeverydayarenotalwayspleasant.Butinmypersonalopinion,volunteeringisfunandrewarding,becauseIcanexperiencethepowerandbeautyofcollaborationandcooperationwithotherpeopleforacommonnoblecause.Asmyfortunecookiesays,“Anaiminlifeistheonlyfortuneworthfinding,”IthinkIhavefoundanamazingfortunehereinMinnesota.Infact,IamhavingthetimeofmylifebyservingontheMCFRBoardandworkingonitsprojectswithotherMCFRmembers!Ihopesomedayyoucanalsofindyourfortunebyjoiningustoachieveourmissiontogether!!

Pleaseemailmeathaxx0039@umn.eduforquestionsorinformationaboutopportunitiesnotonlytoservebutalsotohaveafunandrewardingexperience!

From the President San Ha (Continued from page 2)

NCFRisgearingupforthe2012AnnualConference–FamiliesandHealthbeingheldinPhoenix,Arizona–October31throughNovember3,2012.ConferenceproposalsaredueonorbeforeMarch1.Ifyouhaveapaper,posterorworkshopidea,checkouttheprocessforsubmittingaproposalat:www.ncfr.org/sites/default/files/downloads/news/2012_Call_for_Proposals_0.pdf Inaddition,theNCFRFamiliesandHealthSectionissponsoringa“WalktoPhoenix”.Thisisaprojecttoencourageusalltowalk.Ourmilescanberecordedandtherearelotsofopportunitiestowinprizes.Toregistergoto:

www.ncfr.org/ncfr‐2012/ncfr‐walk‐phoenix/register‐walk‐phoenix ThelatesteditionoftheJournalofMarriageandFamilyisavailableforanyonetoaccesson‐line.Thisprovidesnon‐NCFRmemberstheopportunitytotakealookatthispublication.Someofthecurrenttopicsaddressedrelatetomarriage–whogetstomarryanddemographictrendsinmarriage.Checkitoutat:www.ncfr.org/news/journal‐marriage‐and‐family‐open‐issue NCFRhasanactivewebpresence.Checkthemoutatwww.ncfr.org

Stay in touch at www.mcfr.net

RoseAllen,PresidentElect–AffiliateCouncils&NCFRBoardMember

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 4

Communications

Beth Yokom, MCFR Treasurer

It’sanewMCFRyearandanewMCFRroleformeasTreasurer‐asomewhatdauntingpositionwithbigshoestofillfollowingHeatherCline’sexcellentworkasourpreviousTreasurer.Ipromiseyoumybesteffortsinthisnewrole. Beforewelookforwardto2012’snewbudget,wemustfirstlookbackto2011’sfinancialperformance.Thegoodnewsisthat2011wasaverygoodyear.Theyear‐endbalanceinDecemberwas$11,820.96,anincreasein2011of$4,976.69,dueprimarilytoprofitableconferences,bothspringandfall. Thekeyfinanciallearningin2011wasthatsponsoringtwoconferencesannuallyisanessentialelementforMCFR’scontinuedfinancialhealth.ConferencesmaintainMCFR’svisibility;fulfillourmission(itiswhatwedoasanorganization);andretainouruniquepositioninthefamilyfieldofofferingworkshopsthatcoverthefamilylifespan.Mostimportantly,ourconferencesdeterminemembershipbyretainingmembersandattractingnewmembers.Wehaveexcitingplansfor2012’supcomingconferences,whichyoucanreadmoreaboutinthisissueoftheFamilyForum. Moregoodnewsfrom2011‐yougenerouslydonated$911.30totheStudentScholarshipSilentAuctionattheDecember2010conference.Thankstoyou,MCFRwillcontinuetosupporttheprofessionalparticipationanddevelopmentofstudentsinthefamilyfield,akeygoaloftheBoard.Thankyouforyourgenerosity!The2012budgetissimilartothe2011budget,withafewminortweaks,includinga$500grantwritingallocation;reducedcreditcardfeesduetoachangeinvendors;higherconferenceexpensesbasedon2011costs;reductioninsomeadministrativeexpensesduetotechnologyutilization.TheMCFRBoardapprovedthe2012budgetattheannualBoardretreatonFriday,Jan.20. IlookforwardtoservingyouasTreasurerforthecomingyear.Asalways,youarewelcometoreviewthefinancialrecordsandmonthlyreportsbycontactingLindaVukelich,MCFRAdministrator.Thankyouforbeingapartofthisuniqueandimportantorganization.

Committee Reports Treasurer’s Corner

Allfamilieshavestrengths.Allfamiliesfacechallenges.MCFRrecognizesthatregardlessoftheoutcomeofthisyear’sMarriageAmendment,familiesinalltheirformswillcontinuetoseekfamilyeducationandrelatedservices.Therefore,thespringconferencewillfocusontheknowledge,skills,andcommunityresourcesneededbyfamilyprofessionalstoservesamesexparents,partners,theirchildren,andfamilies.Theconferencewillfeaturehalf‐dayandfull‐dayoptions.WatchMinneNewsfordetailsondate,

location,andspeakers.

 2012 Spring Conference

Same Sex Parents, Partners, Their Children, and Families:Information and Resources for the Family Professional

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 5

DuringthepastseveralyearstheCommunicationsCommitteehasbeenfortunate.

BuildingonthepioneeringworkdonebyRoseAlleninsettingupandmanagingthelistservandwebsite,theconsistenteditorialworkofRonPitzer,thegraphics,logo,andthemarketingupdatesspearheadedbyBethYokom,thecommitteehascontinuedtoadvanceelectronictoolstoconnectpeoplewithMCFRefficiently.ThiscouldnotbedonewithouttheexcellentworkofLindaVukelich,whoconstantlyandpatientlyadvancesherskillstokeepupwithourwork.

TheFamilyForumisatreasurewecanallbeproudofintermsofcontentandlongevity.Publishingitelectronicallyandstoringissuesonthewebsitehasimmenselyreducedthecostofmakingitwidelyavailable.Thanks,RonandLinda.

ThankstoSanHa,LindaVukelich,andJasonSamuelsatNCFR,theMCFRwebsitehasevolvedintoanorganized,beautiful,anduseful

toolforallmembersandthegeneralpublic.

TheMCFRlistservandMinneNewsweeklypostshavegivenMCFRaplaceforongoinginternalcommunication.BoardcommunicationandefficiencyhasalsobeenenhancedthroughtheuseofDropbox,initiatedbyMikeBrown.

CollaboratingwithNancyMelquist,MembershipCommitteechair,weestablishedanadhocMarketingTaskForcetoexplorehowthetwocommitteesoverlap,andhowwemightimprovemarketingofMCFR.TheTaskForcedeterminedthatconnectingwithstudentsisveryimportantforthefuture,andtheStudent/NewProfessionalSectionChair,AlishaHardman,joinedthegrouptohelpusdevelopstrategies.

AswithallworkontheMCFRBoard,there’salwaysmorefortheCommunicationsCommitteetodo.Althoughwecan’tdoeverything,whenlotsofideasandsuggestionsarelisted,it’ssometimeseasiertoprioritizewhichtoworkonwithour

limitedcapacity.Withthatinmind,hereisalisttostartwith!

• SetupalinktoinformationontheNCFRwebsiteabouttheCFLEcredential.

• FurtherdiscussaddingaBoardpolicyaboutlistingnamesofMCFRmemberswithcredentialsrelatedtofamilyprofessions,e.g.,LPE,CFLE,LSW,LMFT.

• Discusshowandwhethertoconnectfamilyprofessionalsthroughsocialmedia.

• Addinformationonthewebsiteabouthow(andwhy)todonatetoMCFR.

• CommunicatewithNCFRaboutanynewservicesortoolsthatmightbeavailabletoMCFRasanaffiliatecouncil.

• ExplorewaystodisseminatepastresourcearticlesfromTheForumtothoseoutsideofMCFRasamarketing/policytool.

• DistinguishwhentousethelistservtocommunicateandwhentouseMinneNews.

• Getinputfromstudentsandnewprofessionalsabouthowtoreachotherstudents.

• PostvideotestimonialsaboutMCFRonYouTubeorVimeoandlinkonthewebsite.

• Communicateone“nugget”ofnewsfromeachBoardmeetingtoMCFRmembers.

Communications Committee Report and Suggestionsby Peg Lindlof, Past Chair

2012MCFRBoard

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 6

Friend of the Family Award ‐ Hennepin County Co‐Parent Court – Judge Bruce Peterson(nominatedbyRoseAllen)Thisawardisgiventoaprofessionalororganizationwhomayormaynotbeinthefamilyfield,butwhohasmadesignificantcontributionstothequalityoffamilylifeinMinnesota.

The4thJudicialDistrict–FamilyCourtinHennepinCounty,undertheleadershipofJudgeBrucePeterson,hasdevelopedanexperimentalCommunity/UniversityResearchmodeltoestablishCo‐ParentCourt–aproblemsolvingcourtfornevermarriedparentswhoareestablishingpaternity.

JudgePetersonisalongtimeadvocateforfamiliesinthecourtsystem.SeveralyearsagoherecognizedamajorchangeinthecasescomingbeforehiminHennepinCountyFamilyCourt.Whatoncewasacourtthatprimarilyaddressedtheneedsofdivorcingfamilieswasnowseeingoverhalfitscaseswithparentswhowerenotmarriedandneededtoestablishpaternityorlegalfatherhood.

Thesefamilieshadgreatneedsthatwerenotbeingmetbythecourt.JudgePetersonproposedestablishingaproblemsolvingcourtfornevermarriedparents.Thiswouldexpandtheservicesofthecourtbeyondtheprocessofgenetictesting,paternityestablishment,establishingchildsupportandgivingfathersreasonablecustodyandparentingtime.Itwouldadd12hoursofco‐parenteducation,anassessmentofneeds,andifnecessary,socialservice,domesticviolenceandmediationreferralsandsupport.

JudgePetersonworkedwiththecommunitytodeveloptheconcept,securepublicandprivatefundingandprovideoversightandcontinuingsupporttothisprogram.Co‐ParentCourtofficiallybeganoperationinSeptember2010.Itisbeingrigorouslyevaluatedtolearnwhatworksandwhatneedstobeadapted.

JudgePetersonhasworkedtoconnecttheresearchaboutthesefamilieswiththesystemsthatcansupportthem.Althoughintheearlystagesofoperation,preliminaryresultsindicatethatthisprogramhasthepotentialtomakeabigdifferenceforthefamiliesittouches.

Ruth Hathaway Jewson Distinguished Service to Families Award‐ Debbykay Peterson(nominatedbyPegLindlof)Thisawardisgiventoaprofessionalinthefamilyfieldwhoisrecognizedforoutstandingworkonbehalfoffamilies.PreferenceisgiventoindividualswhoaremembersofMCFRandNCFR.

Ina17‐yearcareerattheDeptofEducation,DebbykayPetersonhasprovidedoversighttothestate’sEarlyChildhoodHealthandDevelopmentalScreeningprogram,theSchoolReadinessandFirstGradePreparednessprograms,developedtheinteractiveEarlyLearningServicesDataSystem,andconceptualizedandlaunchedthemulti‐facetedHelpMeGrowPublicAwarenessInitiativeforchildrenbirthtokindergartenenrollment.

Debbykayspearheadstheaward‐winningstateofMinnesotaparentwebsite‐www.MNParentsKnow.info,andwithcollaborativepartners,seeksnewstrategiesthatusetechnologyandothermethodstoprovideaccessible,research‐basedchilddevelopmentinformationforparentsandthosethatworkwithfamilies.Shehasprovidedleadershiponseveralstatewideearlychildhood,familyandhealthinitiativestoimprovechildren’searlylearningoutcomesand,throughcross‐sectorpartnerships,leadssuccessfuleffortstoenhancethequalityofprogramsforchildren.

PriortohertenureattheMinnesotaDeptofEducation,sheworkedasaninstructorattheUniversityofMinnesota,wasanearlychildhoodadministratorinaschooldistrict,alicensedearlychildhoodeducator,alicensedparenteducator,criticalcoronarycarenurse,andworkedinaruralclinicandhospitalinZimbabwe,Africa.ShehasstudiedattheUniversityofMinnesota,UniversityofSt.Mary’s,BethelUniversity,WheatonCollege/WestSuburbanHospitalSchoolofNursing.Ms.Peterson isaneducationpolicyfellowwiththeInstituteforEducationalLeadership,Washington,DCandanEarlyChildhoodPolicyFellowwiththeNationalGovernor's Association/ZEROTOTHREE,Washington,DC.

2011 MCFR AwardsSanHa,Presidentand2011MCFRAwardsCommitteeChair

MCFRgivestwoawardsannuallyinrecognitionofcontributionstothefamilyfield.ThefollowingawardswerepresentedattheMCFRAnnualConferenceonDecember2,2011.

Continued on page 7

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 7

Minnesota Council on Family Relations Annual Conference

The Power of Relationships ‐ Enhancing Skill‐based PracticeFriday, December 2, 2011

ConferenceCo‐ChairsRoseAllenandMinnellTralle

TheMCFR2011Fallconferenceaddressedtheconceptofrelationships–betweenthefamilyprofessional.Wemayhaveskillstoshare–butthefactis,thismusthappenwithinarelationalcontext.

ThethemefortheconferencecamefromanaddressbyWallyGoddard,anExtensionFamilyLifeSpecialistwiththeUniversityofArkansasattheNationalCouncilonFamilyRelationsconferenceheldinMinneapolisin2010.WeinvitedWallytocomebacktoMinnesotatosharethisinformationatourannualconferenceinDecember.

Unfortunately,Wallywasnotabletojoinusduetoamedicalissue.Fortunately,wewerealsoworkingwithTedBowmanwhowasaskedtoengageinadialoguewithWallyaboutthetopic.AlishaHardman,MCFRStudentSectionChairdevelopedanoverviewofWallyGoddard’sconceptsandsharedavideoclipofhisNCFRpresentation.ThissetthestageforTedtoexpandonthetopicandengagetheparticipantsinexploringwhatthepowerofrelationshipsmeantintheirworkwithfamilies.

Theconferencealsofeaturedstudentposters,breakoutsessionsintheafternoonthatexpandedontheconferencethemeandasilentauctionthatraised$900forstudentscholarshipsforfutureMCFRconferences.

In recognition of outstanding contributions for decades, the President’s Award For Contributions Above and Beyond Award was presented to Mary Jo Czaplewski.Thisspecial,occasionally‐offeredawardwaspresentedtoMaryJoCzaplewskitorecognizeandhonorherlongandillustriouscareerinthefamilyfieldandhermanycontributionstoboththeMinnesotaCouncilonFamilyRelationsandtheNationalCouncilonFamilyRelations.ShehastaughtfamilycoursesatboththehighschoolandcollegelevelandservedformanyyearsasExecutiveDirectoroftheNationalCouncilonFamilyRelations.HerinvolvementsinMCFRactivitieshavebeenmyriadandinvaluable—fromconferenceplanningtopolicyeffortstoworkonprobablyeverycommitteetosilentauctionorganization.Ourdeepandsincerethanks,MaryJo.

CongratulationstoBruce,Debbykay,andMaryJowhoinspireusthroughtheirwork!Thankyousomuchforyourpassionatecommitmenttosupporting,educating,andempoweringprofessionals,students,andfamiliesinMinnesotaandbeyond!

CommitteechairNancyMelquistworkedcloselywithLindaVukelichtoupdatethemembershiplistsandidentifyactiveandpastmemberssothatourservicesstaycurrent.Asystemforcontactingpastmemberstorejoinandencouragecurrentmemberstorenewontimewasimplemented.NancyalsohelpedPegLindlofoftheCommunicationscommitteespearheadaMarketingTaskForcetoexplorehowmemberscanberecruited,retainedandservedmosteffectively.Theneedtomoreclearlydefinebenefitsandincreasewaysofcommunicationbetweentheorganizationanditsmemberswasexplored.

TheMembershipcommitteealsopartneredwiththeStudent/NewProfessionalChair,AlishaHardmantoidentifywaystoencourageMCFRmembershipamongthosenewtothefield.Aseparatemembershipstatuswithlowerfeeswascreatedthankstotheirwork.

Ongoinggoalsincludetherecruitmentofadiversegroupoffamilyprofessionalsasmembers.Wehopetoreachouttosocialworkers,counselors,healthprofessionalsandothersinthefamilyfield.Inaddition,waystoquicklysurveymemberneedsanddevelopamembershipdirectoryneedfurtherreview.

 2011 MCFR Awards (Continued from page 6) Membership Committee Report MaryMaher,President‐Elect,andNancyMelquist,PastMembershipCommitteeChair

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 8

TheS/NPSectionhostedasocialgatheringatSweeney’sSaloononFriday,November4.Therewerefivestudentsandnewprofessionalswhoattendedtheeventandoneboardmember.Itwasagreatopportunitytomeetnewpeople,learnwhatresearchprojectsothersareinvolvedin,andgetsuggestions,ideas,andsupportfromotherstudents.

AstudentpostersessionwasheldattheFall2011MCFRconferenceonDecember4.Fourstudents(listedbelow)presentedpostersattheconference.Itwasafantasticopportunityforstudentstosharetheirareasofinterestandengageindialoguewithpracticingprofessionals.

JenDoty, U.ofMinnesota OnlineSocialSupportforParents:ACriticalReview ColleenClements U.ofMinnesota ParentEducation:NewDefinitions,NewVisions AlishaHardman U.ofMinnesota AConceptualandPracticalShiftinFamilyLifeEducation SarahNelson U.ofSt.Thomas YourParentsandYourMaladaptiveViewsofLiving

Besuretocheckthestudent/newprofessionalpageoftheMCFRwebsiteregularlyforinformationaboutupcomingeventsandopportunitiesforstudents.

ChunZhangisthenewchairoftheStudent/NewProfessionalSection.Here,tointroduceher,isabriefbio.

Hi everyone!

ThisisChunZhang.IamfromYunnan,China.Ireceivedmybachelor’sdegreeinEarlyChildhoodEducationatYunnanNormalUniversity,China,andmaster’sdegreeinEarlyChildhoodEducationatSouthernIllinoisUniversityCarbondale.IamcurrentlyworkingonmyPHDdegreeinEducation,CurriculumandInstruction,Family,YouthandCommunityEducationattheUniversityofMinnesota.IaminmyfirstyearofworkasaresearchassistantwithDrYvonneGenzleronfamilylifeeducationalprojects.Myjobresponsibilitiesincludecollectingdata,analyzingthedataandreportingittomyadvisor.IamabigfanofChineseteaandamproficientinChineseTeaCeremonyperformance.Iloveroller‐skatingandgotreallyexcitedintryingice‐skatinginMinnesota’swinterthisyear.IamthrilledtoserveontheMCFRBoardastheStudent/NewProfessionalchair.

Student/New Professional Section    Alisha Hardman, CFLE, Past Chair, Student Section

A note from the Editor:

Ihopeyouhavenotbeendisappointedbyourrathermildwintertothispoint.Iwouldbehappyifitstayedthatway.Enjoythisissueofthenewsletter.Mythankstoallofthecontributorswhohavepreparedtheseitemstoinformandenlightenus.Again,IencourageeachofyoutoconsidercontributingtoFamilyForumbypreparingabookrevieworaresearcharticle/brieforbysubmittinganitemfor“Members’Corner”(ourversionofLetterstotheEditor).IfyouhaveanysuggestionsforimprovementofFamilyForum,pleaseletmeknow.Thankyou.

RonPitzerFamilyForumeditor612‐331‐1970,pitzer@q.com

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 9

Training Available for Presenters of MCFR’s Ethics Training and Practice Workshops Mary Maher, President-Elect

AreyouwillingtoserveasapresenteratMCFR’sEthicalThinkingandTrainingWorkshops?NewANDcontinuingworkshoptrainersarewelcometoattendareviewoftherevisedpowerpointandpresentationstrategiesthisspring.BillAllen,BettyCookeandMaryMaherwillfacilitate.

LetMaryknowofyourinterestandavailabilitysoadatecanbesetforlaterthisspring.Youcanwriteheratmary.maher@comcast.net

CONTINUING Presenters: Please come to share your input and expertise!

NEW Presenters: Please join the Ethics Workshop team. WeneedmembersofMCFRwho

haveaMaster’sdegreeorhigher.IthelpsifyouhavealreadyattendedanEthicstraining.

Presentersareaskedtobeavailableacoupletimesayeartoleadorassistwiththeworkshops.Mileage,travelandchildcarereimbursementisavailableforthisvolunteeropportunity.

Thesearethree‐hourworkshopsthatmaybelocalorrequiresomeregionaltravel.Mileageandothertravelcostsincludingachildcarestipendasneededareprovided.Youarepartneredwithanexperiencedpresenteronyourinitialassignments.ThisuniqueopportunityenhancesyourownprofessionaldevelopmentasyouserveMCFRandcolleaguesinFamilyEducationandrelatedfields.

New Column on Ethical PracticeGlen Palm, Professor and Head, Family Studies Department, Saint Cloud State University

TheMCFREthicscommitteeinvitesparentandfamilyeducationpractitionerstosharetheirethicalissueswithotherpractitionersthrougharegularcolumnintheMCFRFamilyForum.ThecolumnwillpresentacasestudyanddescribetheapplicationofthefivestepCaseStudyAnalysisProcess(seebelow)totheethicalissuesinthecasestudy.Thecolumnisanimportantwaytokeepethicalthinkingandpracticealivethroughsharingexamplesofethicaldilemmasandhowaprogramstaffcanutilizetheprocesstobringnewperspectivesandinsightstodifficultsituations.TheEthicsCommitteehasbeenrefiningthisprocessoverthelast20yearsandwillcontinuetoofferworkshopsonEthicalThinkingandPracticetoassistfamilypractitionersindevelopingthoughtfulapproachestoaddressingethicaldilemmas.

IfyouareinterestedinparticipatinginthisopportunityyoushouldworkwithprogramstafftoapplytheCaseStudyAnalysisProcesstoadilemmathatamemberofyourstaffhasencountered.Thisprocesswasdesignedtotake45‐60minutestocompleteonceindividualshavebeenintroducedtotheMCFRapproachtoEthicalThinkingandPractice.AttendanceatanEthicsCommitteeWorkshopisadvisablebeforeguidingstaffmembersthroughthisprocess.SendabriefdescriptionofthecasestudyandtakecarefulnotesoftheresultsateachstepoftheprocessandsendthemtoGlenPalmatgfpalm@stcloudstate.edu.WhencasestudiesarereceivedtheywillbeeditedandpresentedasanongoingcolumninFamilyForum.Thiswillallowotherpractitionerstogainabetterunderstandingofhow

theprocessworksandencouragethemtousetheprocesstoaddresstheirownethicalissues.

TheoutlineoftheCaseStudyAnalysisProcessisprovidedbelow.

Case Study Analysis Process StepsSteps1through4focusoncarefullyapplyingethicalthinkingasdefinedbytheMCFREthicsCommittee.Thisisimportant;giveitplentyoftime.Practitionerstendtoleaptobrainstormingpossibleactions/solutionsbeforethoroughlyengagingintheprocess.

Step 1. Identification of Relationships:Identifyimportantrelationshipsinthesituationusingtheeducatorroleastheprimaryfocalpoint.

a.Whatistherelationalfield–whatareallpotentialrelationshipsinthecase?

Continued on page 10

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 10

b.Whatistheprimarycaringrelationshiptheeducatorneedstoaddressinthiscase?(Examples:educatortofamilymember,educatortogroup,educatortoanotherstaffperson)

c.Whatdoweknowaboutthisrelationship–quality,stageofdevelopment,etc.?

Step 2. Identification of Principles:Lookoverthelistofprinciplestoidentifythosethatapplytotheimportantrelationship(s)inthissituation.Decidewhichprinciplesmayberelevanttoguidingethical

behavior.Arethereanyadditionalprinciplesthatmightapply?Whicharethe3‐4mostrelevantprinciples?Why?(Spendsometimealonetoselectprinciplesbeforediscussinginsmallgroup.)

Step 3. Identification of Contradictions/Tensions:Whataresomepotential/actualcontradictionsortensionsamongorbetweenrelevantprinciples?

Step 4. Identification of Possible Solutions:Brainstormpossibleactionsbytheparentingeducator–keepinginmindtherelationship(s),

therelevantprinciples,andthevirtues.

Step 5.Selection of Actions:Selectoneactionorcombinationofactionstousethatreflectsadherencetotheethicalprinciples.Alloftheprinciples areimportantandshouldbeaddressedinathoughtfulandrespectfulmanner.

IfyouhaveanyquestionsabouttheprocessorwhattosubmitpleasecontactGlenPalmat320‐308‐2129orgfpalm@stcloudstate.edu

MCFR HistorySueMeyers,ProfessorEmeritus,SchoolofSocialWork,UniversityofMinnesota;MCFRHistorianandBoardmember

DickHey,retiredFamilySocialScienceDept,UofMN,hadhis93rdbirthdayathisnewlocationinEagleCrest,long‐termcare.HeandMiriammovedlastyearafterafallmeanthipsurgeryandmorecare.Itissojoyfultohaveyourpartnergrowoldertogether.Theyleanoneachotherandcontinuetoloveandsupporteachotherandnotbeisolatedinthoselateryears.TheyhavebeenmodelsformesinceIarrivedinMinnesotain1969. Keepingactiveinthingsyouhaveenjoyedovertheyearsandexpandingthoseactivitiestowhatyouenjoyedpriortoyourhecticworkscheduleseemstokeepphysicalandmentalhealthatapeak.Whentherearephysicalsetbacks,thestrengthsgainedovertheyearsappeartoprovidethatinertiatobounceback. Ilearnedfromaspeakertomyretireegroup(UMN)aboutalongitudinalstudyonmemorylossatRegionsHospital,St.Paul.Theywereinterestedinadults40andolderwhoarediagnosedwithmemoryloss,adults

providingcareforsomeonewithmemoryloss,orareadults55yearsandolder.SinceIwas55andolder,Isignedup.ImustadmitthatIhadnevertakenamemorytestbefore,andwasabitthrownatfirst.Iwasfarmorecomfortableforthesecondyeartesting.Ithasmademeattempttobemore“mindful”ofwhatIamdoinginmylife–creatingsmallmemoriestokeepmeawareofwhatIhavedoneorneedtodo.Ithasbeeninteresting,andIthinkworthwhile.Istronglybelieveinlongitudinalresearch,andwantedtojumpattheopportunitywhenitarose. Theyareencouragingmoreparticipation–andIwouldencourageanyofyouwhoareinterestedtocontacttheMinnesotaMemoryProjectat651‐254‐3999or1‐800‐229‐2872.Thestudyissponsoredby:TheAlzheimer’sResearchCenter,RegionsHospital,640JacksonSt.,St.Paul,Minnesota55101.

 New Column on Ethical Practice  (Continued from page 9)

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 11

Schemasarecognitiveknowledgestructuresthatcontributetohowindividualsview/perceivetheworld.Theyareused(oftenwithoutconsciousawareness)toorganize,explain,andmakesenseoflifeexperiences.Theformationofschemasbeginsearlyinlife,andsomeofthesechildhoodschemaspersistintoadulthood.Young(1999)hasassertedthatwhilesomeofthesechildhoodschemasarehealthyandconstructive,othersaremaladaptive.Inotherwords,someoftheseschemasprovideinaccurateviewsabouttheworldandcanleadtounhealthybehaviors,decisions,andlifestyles.Researchhasrevealedthatmaladaptiveschemascanleadtoawiderangeofmentalhealthproblems,suchassubstanceabusedisorders(Ball&Cecero,2001),depression(Calvete,Estevez,LopezdeArroyabe,&Ruiz,2005),anxiety(Stopa,Thorne,Waters,&Preston,2001),andeatingdisorders(Cooper,1997).

InvestigationsbyYoung(1999)haveidentified16unhealthychildhoodschemas,whichhehastermedEarlyMaladaptiveSchemas(EMSs).Eachofthe16EMSsfitunderoneoffivedomains.Thesefiveschemadomainsare:(1)Disconnection/Rejection,(2)ImpairedAutonomy/Performance,(3)OtherDirectedness,(4)Overvigilance/Inhibition,and(5)ImpairedLimits.

Eachofthe16EMSshasbeencategorizedinoneofthesefiveschemadomains.TheEMSs(a)EmotionalDeprivation,(b)Abandonment,(c)Mistrust/Abuse,(d)SocialIsolation/Alienation,and(e)Defectiveness/ShamefitunderthedomainofDisconnection/Rejection.ThedomainofImpairedAutonomy/

PerformanceconsistsofthefollowingEMSs:(f)SocialUndesirability,(g)FailuretoAchieve,(h)Dependence/Incompetence,(i)VulnerabilitytoHarmandIllness,and(j)Enmeshment.ThedomainofOtherDirectednessconsistsoftheEMSsof(k)Subjugationand(l)Self‐Sacrifice.Overvigilance/Inhibitioniscomprisedof(m)EmotionalInhibitionand(n)UnrelentingStandards.Lastly,(o)Entitlement,and(p)InsufficientSelf‐Control/Self‐DisciplinefitunderthedomainofImpairedLimits(Young,1999).

Young(1999)hasproposedthattheseschemasareformedthroughoutchildhoodandmaylastintoadultlife.Aschemacanbeginasabeliefinstilledinaperson,andthroughreinforcement,thatbeliefmaybecomeamajorpartofthatperson’sthinkingandperceptionoftheworld.Forexample,apersonwhoisbulliedasachildmaydevelopthenegativeself‐image,“Iamunlovable.”Ifthatpersonexperiencesmorerejection,particularlypowerfulrejection,thenegativeself‐imagemaybereinforcedandstructuralized,becomingaconcretepartofhisorherself‐perceptionforyearstocome(Beck,Freeman,&Davis,2004,pp.24‐25).

Formanyyears,psychologistshaveassertedthatparentalbehaviorshaveawide‐rangingandsignificantinfluenceonthethoughts,behaviors,actions,andemotionsofchildren,includinghowachildorganizesandinterpretsexperiences.(Maccoby,1992,2007;Seligman,1995;Halpern,1990).

Inaseparatestreamofdevelopmentalresearch,parentingcharacteristicshavealsobeenassociatedwithlevelsofdepression

inchildren(e.g.,Dallaire,Pineda,Cole,Ciesla,Jacques,laGrange,&Bruce,2006),adolescents(e.g.,Brennan,LeBracque,&Hammen,2003),andadults(e.g.,Bok&Taris,1997).Aparentalcharacteristicthathasshowntoberelatedtodepressioninchildrenisparentalauthority.Parentalauthoritarianismispositivelyrelatedtodepression(Simons&Conger,2007),whileparentalauthoritativenessisinverselyrelatedtodepression(Lamborn,Mounts,Steinberg,&Dornbusch,1991;Radziszewska,Richardson,Dent,&Flay,1996).

Otherparentingcharacteristicsfoundtobecorrelatedwithdepressionareparentalintrusivenessandoverprotection.ResearchbyLamborn,Mounts,Steinber,andDorbusch(1991)andBendo(2001),hasshownthatparentalintrusivenessispositivelycorrelatedwithdepression.Parentaloverprotectionhasalsoshowntobepositivelyrelatedtodepression(Denollet,Smolderen,vandenBroek,&Pederson,2007;Shah&Waller,2000).

Researchhasadditionallyrevealedthatfamilyautonomy,familyintimacy,andearlypositivebondswithparentsplayacrucialrolethroughoutachild’slifeasstrongemotionaltiespromotementalhealth(Bowlby,1988).FamilyautonomyandintimacyhavebeenshowntobecorrelatedwithmaladaptiveschemasasthepresenceofEMSsareinverselyrelatedtoperceptionsofparentalnurturance,timetogether,andwarmth(Bendo,2001).

Asthisbriefreviewofresearchhasshown,parentalfactorsarerelatedtothedevelopmentof

 Research

Did My Parents Impact My Distorted Views of Reality? Sarah Nelson, Student, Psychology Department, University of St. Thomas

Continued on page 12

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 12

severalmentalhealthproblems.Similarly,thepresenceofEMSshasbeenshowntobeassociatedwithmentalhealthproblems.Thepresentstudyobservedparentingfactors’influenceonthedevelopmentofmaladaptiveschemas.

Participantsincluded105students(31malesand74females)fromtheUniversityofSt.Thomas.Theresponsesof25studentswerenotincludedinthepresentanalyses,leavingatotalof80participants.The25participantswereomittedbecausetheywerefromnon‐intactfamiliesoforigin.[Thisresearchison‐going,andcomparisonsofparticipantsfromintactandnon‐intactfamilieswillbecarriedoutasthenon‐intactsamplesizeincreases.]

Participantsweregivenapacketcontainingaconsentform,instructions,andsixquestionnairesregardingtheirfamily‐of‐origin,motherandfather’sauthority,motherandfather’soverprotection,familyintrusiveness,maladaptiveschemas,anddemographicinformation.Beforereceivingthepacketofquestionnaires,participants readtheconsentformandinstructions.Theparticipantswereaskedtotakethepackethome,tocompleteallthequestionnaires,andtoreturnthemtotheresearcherwithinoneweek.

TheresultsofthisstudyseemtoofferaviableconnectionbetweenparentalpracticesandthepresenceofEMSs.ThesefindingssuggestthepresenceofEMSsasaninterveningfactorbetweenparentalpracticesandthedevelopmentofmentalhealthproblems.

Thefollowingvariableswerefoundtohaveasignificantdirectcorrelationwithparticipants’TotalEMSscores:mother’soverprotection(r=.466,p<.000),familyintrusiveness(r=.366,p<.001),mother’sauthoritarianism(r=.361,p<.001),father’sauthoritarianism(r=.337,p<.

002),andfather’soverprotection(r=.335,p<.002).Thefollowingvariableswerefoundtohaveasignificantinversecorrelationwithparticipants’EMSs:family‐of‐originintimacy(r=‐.379,p<.001),family‐of‐originautonomy(r=‐.345,p<.002),mother’sauthoritativeness(r=‐.324,p<.003),mother’spermissiveness(r=‐.269,p<.016),andfather’sauthoritativeness(r=‐.260,p<.020).

ForthetotalEMSscore,thevariableofoverprotectivemotherexplained21.7%ofthevariance.Family‐of‐OriginIntimacyexplainedafurther6.3%ofthevariance,meaningthetotalpercentofthevarianceexplainedintheTotalEMSsis28.0%.Intrusivenessexplainedanadditional1.4%ofthevariance,andsoon.Alloftheparentingvariablescombinedexplained33.5%ofthevarianceintheTotalEMSs.

Duetothepreviousresearchthatdiscussesthepositiveinfluenceparentalwarmthhasonchildren(Bowlby,1988;Bendo,2001),thepresentresultsarenotsurprising.ResearchershaveconsistentlyreportedalinkbetweenParentalOverprotection,AuthoritarianismandIntrusiveness,andmentalillnessinchildren(Denollet,Smolderen,vandenBroek,&Pederson,2007;Shah&Waller,2000;Simons&Conger,2007;Martin,Bergen,Boeger,&Allison,2004;Bendo,2001).

Observingthephenomenonofhowschemasaredeveloped,theseresultsmaybesupported.Achildwhoexperiencesauthoritarianparents(whotendtobedemandingbutnotresponsive)mayexperienceathoughtsuchas,“Iamincompetent.”Astheparentscontinueanauthoritarianstyle,thatbeliefisreinforcedandthechildmaysoontrulybelievethatheorsheiscompletelyincompetentandneedstodependonothers.Authoritativeparents(whotendtobebothdemandingandresponsive)can

teachachildtobeindependentandconfidentbyprovidingstructureanddiscipline,butwithoutbeingharshorarbitrary(Baumrind,1971).ThissupportsthepresentresultsofParentAuthoritarianismbeingdirectlycorrelatedandParentAuthoritativenessbeinginverselycorrelatedtothepresenceofEMSs.

Inregardstotheschemadomains,strongcorrelationswerefoundbetweenthedomainofDisconnection/Rejectionandtheparentalfactors.MotherandfatherAuthoritarianism,FamilyIntrusiveness,andParentalOverprotectionwereallshowntobepositivelycorrelatedwiththepresenceoftheEMSsunderthisdomain.FactorsinverselycorrelatedwereMotherandFatherAuthoritativeness,andFamily‐of‐OriginAutonomyandIntimacy.ThehierarchicalregressionanalysesofDisconnection/Rejectionshowedthattheparentalfactorsexplain46.2%ofthevariance.

TheseresultsstronglysuggestthatEMSsarelesslikelytobepresentwhenparentalpracticesaredemandingyetresponsive,andpromoteself‐sufficiencyandintimacy.Theconclusionsinthisstudyrevealthatparentingisimportant.Parentingstylesandpracticesinfluencechildrenandtheircognitivedevelopment.Homeswhereparentsareoverprotective,intrusive,andauthoritarianpromotethedevelopmentofEMSs.Itisimportantforparentstopracticeauthoritativeparentingandprovideanintimate,yetautonomoushomeenvironment,inordertosupportthehealthydevelopmentoftheirchildren.

Did My Parents Impact My Distorted Views of Reality? (Continued from page 11)

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 13

Itisalittleknownandunder‐appreciatedfactthatthegroupathighestriskforsuccessfulsuicideconsistsof85‐year‐oldandolderwhitemenwhoarewidowed.Unliketeenagerswhosuicide,theseguysdon’ttalkaboutitanddon’tissuecriesforhelpwithunsuccessfulattempts.Theysucceedthefirsttimetheytryandusesuchlethalmethodsashangingorgunshot.That’swhythisbookisallthemoreremarkable:atruestoryaboutTheGang,agroupof80‐and90‐plusyear‐oldmeninatinytowninwesternMinnesotawho,despitewidowhood,managetobandtogethertosupporteachotherandkeepanactiveandverysatisfyingsociallifegoingrightuptilltheypasspeacefullyaway.

Sixmen[membershipchangedwithvaryinghealthissuesanddeaths]madeupwhatcametobeknownasTheGanginMorgan,Minnesotaandsurroundingcounties.InitiatedbyRusselAlbrecht,thisgroupcametogetheratleastweeklytodrivetoarearestaurants,shareamealandsocialize.TheytoldwarstoriesfromWorldWarII,talkedabouttheweather,thesoil,thecrops,farming,hunting,fishingandgardening.RusselwasamuchrespectedmaninMorgan,whokeptthebooksforalocalbusinessandtookpaymentsfromlocalresidentstocoverfuneralexpenseswhenlocalsdied.Whenhiswifeof48yearsdied[hehadhopedtomakeittoatleast50yearsofmarriage],

Russellearnedtocookbasicmealsandsupplementthemwithfreshvegetablesfromhisextensivegarden.

Wehavehugeamountsofresearchandinformationonfamilies,womenandchildrenbutpreciouslittleintheliteratureonmenandthewaysofmen,especiallyoldermen.Thisbookisafascinatingexampleofhowmencancometogethertoprovidethekindofcareandsupportweallneedasweage.SomeofTheGangbecamesurrogatekinandwerelistedasnextofkinforthosewithnokinatall;somewerelistedatthehospitalandthemedicalmonitoringcenterasthecontactoffirstresort;somemencouldnolongerdriveornavigateverywellandmembersofTheGangmadesocialplansanddidthedriving;andsomecookedmealsandinvitedtheothersoverforadrink,amealandsomefriendlygab.Evenmenwhodidnotknoweachotherwell,whoattendeddifferentchurches,whohaddifferentvaluesandbackgrounds[Danes,Norwegians,teetotalersorlightdrinkers,Catholics,Protestants]wereabsorbedintothegroupandmadetofeelwelcome.

BergerfelttheneedtopreservethestoriesherfatherRusselsharedwithherfaithfullyovertheyearsbeforehisdeathin2003.OneofthemostremarkablethingsaboutTheGangisthatdespiteahostofhealthproblemsandhealthdeficits[theymanagedtoovercomeandjustforgeaheadwiththeirlives],virtuallyeachoftheseguyslivedwellintotheir

90’s,amazinglylonglifespansforAmericanmen.Throughoutthebook,wecometolearnagreatdealaboutwhatlifeislikeinsmallruraltownsinAmerica:thelittlefamily‐ownedgrocerystorethatisputoutofbusinessbythecomingtotownofahugechainstore;theintensescrutinyandgossipthatgoesonforanyonelivingintown;andthegeneralcaringandsupportthateveryoneintowntriestoprovideforallthetown’sresidents.

OneinterestingsidenoteinthebookisthatwhileMealsonWheelsis appreciated,themenfeltthatitisolatedthemaloneintheirhomes.TheymuchpreferredtobepartofTheGangthatplannedandexecutedtheirweeklysocializingmealstolocalareacafesandoccasionallytofarmfests[toseethelatestfarmmachinery],ortootheractivities.ThereisevenatimewhenTheGang[4ofthe6members]flewtoMiamitogoonaweek‐longcruise.Heretheydelightedinalltheactivities,thefactthattheycouldeatanendless,widevarietyofinterestingandexoticfoodstheydidnothavetocook,andthefactthatoneofthemenstumbledbyaccidentintoaspecialareawherewomenwenttosunbathetopless[!!!!!].

Thereisalsoquiteabitonhowthesemen,aginganddealingwithlotsofhealthissues,relatetotheirfamiliesandtrytokeepasatisfyingbalancebetweenindependenceandacceptinghelp.Russisapersonwho

review Gumption: Lessons on Old Age, Loneliness, and a Hotdish

Reviewed by Marcie Parker, Ph.D., CFLE, President and CEO of Parker and Associates, a healthcare research and consulting firm in Excelsior, Minnesota.

[by Faye Berger; North Star Press of St. Cloud, Inc., 2010; ISBN # 978-0-87839-404-3; $14.95; paperback; 196 pages]

Continued on page 14

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 14

canfinddelightandhappymemoriesinseeingwildturkeysintheyardorhiswife’sflowersalongthepropertylineoraparticularlybeautifulsunsetorinsharingasimplemeal.Heisgratefulforgoodneighborswhoarethereifheneedsthembutwhoneverintrudeorpresume.HeandtheotherGangmemberslovetoteaseeachotherandlaughlikekidswhentheypullasubterfugeonayoungnewwaitressatthecafé.TheGangwaslimitedto6men[thoughotherswantedtobeinvited]becausethatisallRusscouldfitintohiscar.

Theseguysareallsurvivorsandcopeverywell.Theyallknowmenwhoisolatedthemselvesathome,becameinactive,endedupinthelocalnursinghomeanddied.Theyaredeterminedtoavoidthatroute.Theysupporteachotherthroughhospitalandclinicvisits,throughkneereplacementsurgeries,vertigoanddizzyspells,cancerandterminalillness.Atonepoint[p.55],Russsays,“…..Whatcananyonedoaboutit?Dyingisjustpartoflife,that’sall‐‐‐‐‐wejustpickupandcarryon.Yup,justapartoflife.”Theyjokeaboutcrematingeachotherinoneoftheirson’shogroasterinthebackyard,tokeepdownthefuneralexpenseswhentheydie.Despitefinancialdifficulties,cascadinghealthproblems,widowhood,whatever,theseguysjustkeeppluggingalongandkeepactiveandengaged.Russhashispart‐timejob,hishugegardenofvegetablesandflowers,thevariousboardsonwhichhesits,hisfriendsandhisdaughters,peoplewhorelyonhimforallkindsofthings,pennygamblingatcardgameswiththeguysatthepoolhall,duckhuntingandwalleyefishing,aswellaseternalconversationsaboutthe

Minnesotaweather,hogpricesandagriculture.Hestopsbyafriend’shouseeverydayforcoffeeandrollsandhepaystheguy’sbillsandbalanceshischeckbook.Russalsolovestolistentomusic,oldiesbutgoodies.Initiatingthecooking,planningthemeals,pickinguptheguysandselectingtherestaurantofthedayallmakeRussfeelindependent,competentandcapable.Andtherearetimes,especiallywithotherWWIIvets,whenRusstellsstoriesoffreezingcoldandnearlygettingkilledinanexplosion.ThroughouttheWar,inNormandy,northernFrance,Belgium,HollandandGermanyRusscarriedtwocarefullyfoldedpagesofcoloringbyhissmalldaughters.AllGangmembersareintenselydevotedandinvolvedMinnesotaTwinsfanswhofolloweverygameontheradioandeventakeabustothestadiumonedaytoseeagameinperson;theyhadtoplantohaveseatswherethosewithbumkneescouldgettoaseatandwheretheycouldallgettoabathroomeasily.RusseventooktowatchingtheOprahshowonTVbecausethetopicseducatedhimandexpandedhisunderstandingoftheworld.Whatwassexualharassmentintheworkplaceandwhydiditmakewomensomad?Howwerekidsimpactedbydivorce?Oprahandherexpertsknewandcouldtalkaboutthisandsomuchmore.

RussandTheGangaresuddenlyconfrontedwithchanginggroupdynamicsandpossibledisbandmentwhenatwice‐widowedGermanladytakesashinetoRussandstartsdroppingbyhishousewithhomemadepicklesandjam.ThegroupquicklyralliestostarthelpingRussinitiateandplantheiroutings,

tocrankupanddrivetheirownlong‐unusedcars,topayforRuss’sgasolineandtopickupanoccasionalmealtabforRuss.Onenight,whenTheGangisoutfordinner,oneoftheirnumber,RoyHanson,istakenbyambulancetoalocalhospital.Bythetimetheguysgetthere,hehasdiedandthemembersofTheGang,inresponsetothedoctor’squestion,admitthattheyaretheonlyfamilyRoyhas.RussisalsocalledupontogivetheeulogywhenRich,oneofTheGang,dies,andhedoessoeloquentlyandwithoutnotes.

TheGanglastedforabout9years,beforedeathsanddisabilityslowlybroughtittoaclose.RussdidhaveatriptoHawaiiwithhisnewladylove.ThebookendswithacoupleofrecipesfromsomeoftheladiesofMorgan,Minnesota,aswellasanepilogueupdatingwhathappenedtomembersofTheGang.

Thisbookisreallyabouthowolderwidowedmencanstayveryactiveandvitalphysicallyandmentallyandhowtheycansupporteachother.Throughoutthisbook,IwasremindedofascenefromtheTVshow“RescueMe”.DenisLeary’scharacter,atoughalcoholicfireman,istalkingbyphonewithhisdad,aretiredtoughalcoholicfireman.Wehearthemtalkingaboutsuperficialthingssuchas“theweather,whatkindofadaydidyouhave”,butweseesubtitlesthatshowwhatisimplied,suchas”Icareaboutyou,Ineedyouinmylife,Iworryaboutyou,IhopeyouaredoingOK”.Asonereviewerofthisbooksaid[AudreyKletscherHelblinginMinnesotaMoments],Gumption”……isabookaboutsmall‐townlife,aging,andthevalueoffriendship.”

Continued on page 15

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 15

Thisbook,aboutlate‐lifefriendshipsinasmallruraltown,wouldbeofinteresttoanyoneinterestedinthelivesofmen,tostudentsandgraduatestudents,thoseinmedicine,nursingandthehelpingprofessionssuchaspsychiatry,psychologyandsocialwork,foranyonewhoisaging,forchildrenandfamilymembersofoldermenandforanyonewhointeractswiththe

elderly,toplannersandpolicymakersandtowidowerswhowouldliketoseeasuccessfulmodelofhowtomanagethetransitiontoagingselvesandnewlivesalonewithoutwives.Thebookneedstheservicesofareallygoodeditor,astherearemisspellingsandmisusedwordsthroughout.Buttheseareminorquibbles.Bergerhascontributedan

important,revealingandheartwarmingbooktoenhanceourunderstandingofhowmenageandcopewithlossandwidowhood.Irecommendithighlyandthinkitwouldmakeagreatreadinggroupbook,guaranteedtogeneratealotofgooddiscussionandthoughtfulassessment.

Ethical Thinking and Practice WorkshopsMary Maher, President-Elect

SeveralmembersinvolvedwithdevelopingandpresentingtheEthicalThinkingandPracticeworkshopsmetinDecember.Thegroupreviewedtheprocessofpromotingandstaffingthisuniqueprofessionaldevelopmentopportunity.WethankedRoseAllenforhelpingtocoordinatetheinitialtraining,outreachandschedulingoftheworkshopsandpresenters.

AvailabilityoftheworkshopswillcontinueundertheleadershipofBettyCookeandMaryMaher.Contactl.vukelich@comcast.netormary.maher@comcast.netforinformationaboutschedulingaworkshopforyourprogramorgroup.

Thefollowingchangesandgoalswereproposed.Thevolunteerstoaccomplisheachtaskareindicatedinparentheses.Letthemknowifyoucanassist.

1) MakeminorchangesincludingtheadditionofvisualrepresentationsinthePowerPointbasedonfeedbackfrompresentersandattendees.(BettyCooke,MaryMaher,BillAllen)

2) Offeratrainingfornewpresentersincludinganupdate

forcurrentpresentersthiswinter/earlyspring.LetMaryknowifyouwouldliketobecontactedforthistraining!(MaryMaher,BettyCooke,BillAllen)

3) Collectcasestudiesfrompractitionerswhousetheprocess.AnalyzeandreviewtheminfutureeditionsofFamilyForum.(GlenPalm)

4) Developnewcasestudiesreflectinginternet/socialmedia,homevisiting,childabusereportingandsituationsfromoutsideECFE/ECSEtoincreaseselectionsforworkshopaudience.(BettyCooke/GlenPalm)

5) Createabudgetplanfortheworkshopsthatreflecttheorganization’sincomeandexpensesincludingfullprepofthematerialsandaddingachildcarestipendinadditiontomileageandothertravelcosts.(LindaVukelich,MaryMaher)Pleasenotethatnohonorariumstoworkshoppresentersareproposedatthistime.ProceedsaretobenefitMCFR.Currentandfuturetrainersareaskedtoseeksupportfromtheirworkplaceinordertoparticipateinthisprofessionallyenriching

activityonavolunteerbasisafewtimesperyear.

6) Adjustthedeliverysystemtoreachouttoawiderrangeoffamilyprofessionalsattheirconferencesbyofferingtopresentitasaseparatepre‐orconcurrentworkshopregistration.SendsuggestionsandcontactsinotherfamilyorrelatedprofessionalgroupstoMaryMaher.

7) ExploreadditionalwaystooffertheworkshopsincludingwebinarsthroughNCFR.(BettyCooke,BethGausman)

Pleaseconsiderservingasavolunteerpresenteroftheseworkshops.Additionalinformationregardingthenextorientation/trainingwillbeavailablesoon.Newpresenterswillhaveanexperiencedpartnerfortheirfirstworkshop.WatchyourMinneNewsorcontactMaryandLindatobeindividuallynotified.

MCFR Family Forum, Winter 2012, page 16

Annual MCFR Conference – December 7, 2012

The keynote speaker for theAnnual MCFR Conference

onFriday, December 7

will bePauline Boss, PhD

Pauline’smostrecentbookis“LovingSomeoneWhoHasDementia:Howtofindhopewhilecopingwithstressandgrief.”Buildingupon

herbackgroundinambiguousloss,sheturnsthetablestofocusonthefamilieswhoarelivingwithdementiaandcaringforlovedones.ShehaskeptverybusywithmanyspeechesandworkthroughouttheUnitedStatesandbeyond.Weareveryluckytohaveherwithus,andwantedtosharethedateandnameearly.

If you would be willing to work on the program,pleasegivemeacallordropanemailtome.

SueMeyers,651‐645‐1975,smeyers@umn.edu