Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead

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CONTENTS

Introduction

i

Notes to the Reader

viii

Jerry

1

Jared

115

Beba

153

Bill

203

Vince

237

Zaydeh

255

Paula

291

This lifetime is a thread in the fabric of your soul.

INTRODUCTION

Two years ago, on a cool October afternoon, a friend called to tell me about an extraordinary woman.

“Jana has the most amazing gift,” she said; “she can communicate with people who’ve passed on. She wants to make this her life’s work. Would you be willing to do a phone session with her?”

I hesitated. A lot was going on in my life and even if she did have this remarkable gift, I didn’t feel compelled to speak to anyone who’d passed on. Still, I was curious.

“She wouldn’t charge anything,” my friend added, sensing my hesitation. “She’d just want you to tell other people if you thought she was the real deal.”

“Okay,” I said, figuring I had nothing to lose. I called and scheduled an appointment for later that week.

I phoned Jana on a Thursday. I was in my home office sitting on the futon with my dog Scooter. I placed a pen and a pad of paper by my side in case I wanted to take notes.

“Hello?” she said, picking up after only one ring.

“Hi. This is Irene Kendig, Cindy’s friend.”

“Hi. I’ve been waiting for your call.”

“Is this still a good time?” I asked.

“Perfect. Thanks for agreeing to the session.”

“No problem. Your work sounds fascinating.”

“I love it. I share what I hear from those who’ve crossed over. Why don’t you give me the first name of someone with whom you’d like to connect.”

Crossed over. I’ve always liked those words. It’s as if people who’ve died aren’t dead at all, as if they’ve paid their toll and crossed a bridge, as if they’ve gone from Manhattan to Staten Island and not from life to death. “Beba,” I said. “I’d like to connect with Beba.” I didn’t tell Jana that Beba was my mother or that it had been three years since her death.

Jana repeated the name, mispronouncing it. “Beebee,” she said. “Let’s see if she’s here.” An awkward silence followed.

“That’s Bee-buh . . .”

“She’s here . . . Beba? She has a big personality; she’s not someone you could easily ignore. She’s wearing a hat. She’s in her late fifties or early sixties and has dark hair and pale skin.”

That sounded like my mother. Although she had died at the age of seventy-four, she prided herself on her youthful appearance: her face had almost no wrinkles. She spent a fortune on facial creams.

“Does she like to play cards?” Jana asked. “Because she’s playing cards. She’s laughing; she says she’s winning.”

I was shocked. Some of our most intimate conversations had taken place over games of gin rummy.

“Does this sound like Beba?” Jana asked. “I want to make sure I’ve got the right person.”

Astonished, I nodded my head, and she must have felt it because she continued speaking.

“She has a daughter?”

“Uh-huh,” I mumbled.

“Does her daughter have children?”

“Uh-huh.”

“She says her daughter doesn’t consider herself a good mother. She says that’s nonsense. Do you have any questions you’d like to ask Beba?”

My thoughts flashed on my son David. I’d given birth to him when I was nineteen and I still hadn’t gotten over feeling guilty and inadequate as a mother.

“Do you have any questions you’d like to ask Beba?” Jana repeated.

I didn’t know what to say since I hadn’t expected to connect with anyone. “So how are you?” I blurted. I had no idea that would be the first of many questions, nor could I have known how the answers would change my life.

During that first hour-long session, I connected briefly with four loved ones. Each of their personalities came through in

a way that was unmistakable, unequivocal and irrefutable. By the end of the session I knew with certainty that my loved ones were still very much alive. It was astonishing.

The experience came full circle a couple of days later. I was reading an excerpt in Time magazine from Barack Obama's book, The Audacity of Hope. Obama writes about an interaction with Sasha, his youngest daughter. “What happens when we die?” Sasha asked her father. “I don’t want to die, Daddy.”

Barack hugged Sasha and said, “You’ve got a long, long way before you have to worry about that.”

Although his answer had seemed to satisfy Sasha, Obama wasn’t sure he’d said the right thing. “I wondered,” he wrote, “whether I should have told her the truth, that I wasn’t sure what happens when we die, any more than I was sure of where the soul resides or what existed before the Big Bang.”

Reading this, I couldn’t help but think of my own son, Josh, who’d asked me the same question twenty years earlier when he was three.

“I don’t know what happens when we die,” I’d told him. “And I don’t know if anyone knows.”

He didn't like my answer, and frankly, it wasn't reassuring; yet we have a relationship built on trust and I’ve never regretted my response.

I phoned Josh after my session with Jana to share what I’d heard from his grandmother Beba. I reminded him of the question he’d asked me twenty years earlier and asked if he remembered. He did.

"Well,” I said, “today I have a different answer to your question: I know with certainty that we go on."

Before meeting Jana I’d had my share of spiritual experiences that pointed toward life after life, but I’d always had my doubts. Unless I could actually connect with someone who’d made the transition—and lived to tell about it—how could I know for sure? Well, now I do know. Everything inside me has shifted to accommodate this truth.

Three days after my first session with Jana, I phoned to schedule another. Since that time I’ve been on a quest, asking questions of those with first-hand experience about the process of transitioning from physical to non-physical reality. After more than a year, and on an almost daily basis, I’m as comfortable with these conversations as I am with talking to the neighbor down the street. The result is a series of dialogues with seven loved ones, all sharing their unique experiences and perspectives.

Jerry, for example, was a deeply spiritual man whose desire to be of service to God began at age nine after a transcendent experience. Jerry was confident he was moving toward loving expansion. Jared, the second person you’ll meet, had been in

chronic pain for a number of years before transitioning at age thirty. Beba, my mother, was fearful that there’d be nothing after physical life. Vince, a seventy-something artist, was a freethinker, curious and open about what was to come. My friend Bill committed suicide in his mid-thirties. Zaydeh, my grandfather, transitioned suddenly from an unexpected heart attack forty-three years ago and Paula, a strong-willed, adored-by-her-family octogenarian, died in her sleep. Each conversation begins with the same question: “What did you experience when you released your last breath on earth?”

Prior to these sessions, I was ninety-five percent sure we continued on after transitioning. Now I’m one hundred percent sure. While five percent may not seem like much, experientially the difference is monumental. Knowing with certainty that I’ll continue to evolve after transitioning from my physical body inspires me to live my most loving life—now. Knowing I’ll review my life and experience how I’ve affected sentient life around me with every breath I’ve taken and every word I’ve spoken, makes me want to live more consciously, graciously, and respectfully—now. Knowing I won’t cease to exist, I am empowered to live courageously—listening to and acting on my heart’s desires—now. Knowing I am an eternal being living in a beneficent universe, I’m open and available to the miracle of each moment and my moments are filled with peace, trust, and joy—now, now, now . . .

When people ask me what my book is about and I tell them it’s a series of conversations about the process of transitioning as told by those who’ve transitioned, they often ask, “Aren’t you afraid?”

My answer is always the same: “Afraid of what?” Our nature is loving and the universe is beneficent. When you know this with certainty, there is no room for fear.

Death is a taboo subject in our culture, so it’s no wonder people are afraid. When I was learning to lead corporate training sessions, I was told never to bring up the subject of death unless I wanted to lose my audience.

My purpose in writing this book isn’t to convince you of an afterlife. In fact, I don’t want to convince you of anything. I’m simply inspired to share my experience. I’m reminded of my mother’s response when I asked her, in Conversation Eleven, if she had any advice for me:

“Don’t believe everything you read or everything people tell you. Question things. Life goes by quickly. Take advantage of each moment. Breathe deeply and express yourself. Connect with your own creativity. Be eccentric. Dance. Enjoy.”

“Was there something specific you read or something that someone told you abut the afterlife that was untrue?” I asked.

“I’d read about heaven and frankly, I thought it was going to be boring. And here it is, and it’s not the least bit boring;

there’s always something to do. I thought everyone would be sent to one place or another—some people would be here and some in hell and some in between—and I’d never see them. That’s not true either. But my original reason for saying, ‘Don’t believe everything you read or everything people tell you,’ was to remind you to listen to your heart. See if what you’re reading feels true to you. If someone tells you something, check in with yourself and see how it resonates with you. That’s something I didn’t do. When people told me something, I’d either tell them they were full of shit or I’d believe them whole-heartedly. I reacted to who was telling me rather than to what they were telling me.”

I invite you to take my mother’s advice and listen to your heart. Check in with yourself and see if what you’re reading feels true. Notice how it resonates with you.

As I consider this book’s potential, I am inspired to create a paradigm shift that fundamentally impacts the way we choose to live by healing the underlying misconceptions we have about death.

Let’s start with a conversation. As Zaydeh my grandfather said, “When a child’s afraid of the dark, turning on the light and exploring the room—discovering together that there’s nothing hiding underneath the bed or in the closet—is a loving thing to do.”

Jana and my loved ones have turned on the light and explored the room with me. We’ve looked underneath the bed and peered into the closet and, in the process, love has rushed in and filled the places once occupied by fear.

Irene Kendig, M.A.

April 2009

Notes to the Reader

We have many word choices when we talk about death. We say someone died, passed, passed away, passed on, crossed, crossed over, departed, transitioned, perished, croaked, expired, is at peace, is no longer with us, has gone home, went to heaven, went into the light, made the big change, met their maker, bit the bullet, bit the dust, bought the farm, cashed in their chips, is dead as a door nail, and kicked the bucket—to name a few. I’ve chosen to use a couple of different words. The first is refocused. It most accurately describes the process of shifting our energy from one state to another, from a physical body to a spirited body and beyond. We’re simply refocusing our energy. I’ll also be using transitioned, as it too describes a process of changing from one state to another. Let’s not get hung up on semantics, though. Feel free to substitute whatever word or phrase is comfortable for you.

The same thing applies to the word God. If it’s not a word you’re comfortable with, replace it with something else. During the conversations, the following terms are often used interchangeably with God whether they’re capitalized or not: life, Truth, love, All-That-Is, light, Beneficence, intelligence, the oneness, Power, the infinite power of love, Source, divine infinite intelligence, and the Infinite One Mind.

In service to clarity, I refer to Physical Jerry when referring to Jerry as I knew him on earth and Spirited Jerry when referring to Jerry after he refocused. The same concept applies to all of my loved ones.

Last, the English language doesn’t have a word that works well as a pronoun to refer to a person of unknown gender—like someone, student, or child. Some writers use “he or she,” which seems awkward. Some use “he” or “she,” which seems sexist. Switching between the two is confusing. “S/he” is impersonal and “one” is archaic. I’ve chosen to use “they.” While this choice breaks a grammatical rule by using a plural pronoun with a singular antecedent, it allows the conversations to flow naturally.

“When you transition, you shift your energy

from the physical body to the spirited body and beyond.

Transitioning is a refocusing of your energy.”

–Jerry

Jerry

1937 - 2005

One night when Jerry was nine, he awakened with a question on his mind. How could people love each other and yet act in such unloving ways? He wondered how Jesus could have loved the people who nailed him to the cross.

Jerry had a transcendent experience that night as love effortlessly poured through him. He understood the distinction between loving someone and being a vessel of love. In that moment, Jerry dedicated his life in service to God.

He graduated from the University of Minnesota and went on to complete a Masters in Divinity at the Lutheran Seminary. Over the course of his life he worked as a parish preacher, a radio commentator on social injustice issues, a reporter and a counselor. Jerry studied and explored various expressions of spirituality and in his later years was drawn to Zen Buddhism. He travelled frequently to Japan where he studied with a Zen master over the course of a decade.

Diagnosed with a brain tumor at age sixty-eight, Jerry was told he had two months to live. With the ever-present love

and support of his family and friends, he spent his remaining time completing unfinished business and saying goodbye. He was ordained as a Buddhist priest three weeks prior to transitioning at home, in his own bed, confident that he was moving toward loving expansion.

Jerry

Conversation One

Irene: Jerry, what did you experience when you released your last breath on earth?

Jerry: I kept breathing, but my body wasn’t responding. My release was gentle; I practically melted out of my body. I felt cold just before losing consciousness in my physical body, and then warm as I transitioned into non-physical form. It was different from feeling warmed by an outside source because this warmth came from within. I was surprised that I kept breathing; I thought breathing was limited to the physical body.

Irene: You kept breathing?

Jerry: It surprised me, too. Breath is a function of life and the nature of life is expansion. It’s the nature of life to expand itself into greater and more creative versions of itself.

Irene: What about contraction?

Jerry: Contraction is necessary in order to receive the energy that expands us further. Breathing in causes the diaphragm to contract; breathing out relaxes and expands the diaphragm. We’re always changing, growing, and moving into a greater, more expanded version of who we are. With every inhalation we receive the energy of life, and with every exhalation we contribute. That

makes our next inhalation a new experience. No two breaths are ever the same. Every moment is a new one.

Irene: What are you breathing in?

Jerry: Life force. Pure potential. It’s the raw material of creation, the fuel for the manifest result of thought. On a physical level, you receive life force through molecules of oxygen and use it to build and maintain your physical body. Your soul then uses your physical body to manifest its intentions, whether writing a book, contacting a friend, or finding a cure for a disease.

On a non-physical level, breathing isn’t for the purpose of maintaining the spirited body; it serves the purpose of connection: inhalation is receiving the oneness and exhalation is giving back to the oneness. It’s a unifying process.

Irene: I never, ever, considered the possibility that we’d continue to breathe after transitioning. (Pause) I’d like to look something up in the dictionary. Can you give me a minute?

Jerry: (Laughing) I can’t give time or take time, but you can take all the time you need.

Irene: (Pause) I looked up the word ‘spirit,’ and . . . guess what? It originated from the Latin spirare, ‘breathe.’

Jerry: Truer words were never spoken.

Irene: Jerry, can you say more about the actual moment you left your physical body?

Jerry: It was like moving from one room to another through a doorway. I wasn’t conscious of the doorway, only of having changed rooms.

Irene: What happened next?

Jerry: I became aware that I could propel myself upward, and I did.

Irene: Were you in a body?

Jerry: It was a contained form but not the spirit body I’m in now. I’d describe it as a loosely contained yellowish-white light. It was pure energy.

Irene: Then what happened?

Jerry: I realized I wouldn’t be seeing my body again. I returned to look at it, studying it as if I were going to draw it: the way my flesh outlined my bone structure, light giving way to shadow and the lines carved on my face, sculpted by a lifetime of laughter and worry. I observed the position of my head and thought, I will never be able to move my head again; it will have to be moved. I felt sad that I wouldn’t be able to breathe that body again, but it didn’t last long because I felt the presence of someone—an old friend. We came together as one in a profound depth of love I’d never felt while in a physical body.

Irene: Can you describe it further? Jerry: The illusion of separation disappeared. We merged, becoming one unified being with a greater capacity to love.

Irene: What was that like?

Jerry: The closest earthly reference I have is when I looked into the eyes of my newly born daughter, fresh from the world of spirit. I connected with her wholeness, creating an unconditional bond. The depth of love I felt with my friend was also an unconditional bond. We looked at my body—laughing at the temporary state of the flesh—and then propelled upward and out into a great light with which we became one.

Irene: What did that feel like?

Jerry: I still felt like myself but I also felt like the light. Vast and expansive, I was no longer limited by the boundaries of form. This is the union that we experience in spirit; it was the ecstasy of rejoining the whole, of coming Home.

Irene: There was no individuated you?

Jerry: No. There is no individuated form, physical or spirited, that could possibly experience this Power.

Irene: Can you describe the ecstasy of rejoining the whole?

Jerry: How do you describe being consciously aware—all at once—of everyone and everything, while simultaneously feeling unconditional love and beneficence of a magnitude so great that it’s beyond the comprehension of the physical mind?

Irene: I can only begin to imagine. (Pause) What happened then?

Jerry: In order to focus, I pulled myself back into the same loosely contained light form I’d initially experienced.

Irene: How?

Jerry: (Laughing) Shift happens. The process is difficult to describe because knowing how to shift one’s focus is instinctual. It’s like having a great conversation with friends: there are moments during the conversation when you’re focused outwardly on your friends, and moments when you’re focused within—contemplating, perhaps, what someone said or relating what they said to your own experience—a shift in focus.

Irene: I can relate to that. You mentioned you’re in a spirited body now. How would you describe it?

Jerry: It’s similar to a physical body, but it’s translucent and much lighter; it responds easily and naturally to my thoughts and I can change form quickly. Having a spirited body that closely resembled the physical form I’d just left was comfortable; I still thought of myself as Jerry, and form follows thought. In that instant of changing form, I remembered I could do it because I’d done it in spirit many times before. In every seemingly new experience was the remembrance of having done it before.

Irene: Given that form follows thought, were you thinking about being a loosely contained energetic light form after leaving your physical body?

Jerry: My thought was one of freedom, but it was more than just a thought; it was a feeling of being unrestricted and free of physical form. I found myself in this somewhat formless state because I was focused on freedom.

Irene: What happened after you pulled yourself back into a form?

Jerry: The friend who had greeted me took me on a tour. We visited an expansive library and as we walked down corridors with rooms on either side, I could hear bits and pieces of telepathic conversations between people. I became aware that I was feeling the immense joy that they were feeling. It was overwhelming; everyone was enthused and excited about life. The heaviness, sadness, and stress I’d experienced in my physical life were gone.

Irene: What do spirited beings look like?

Jerry: As Physical Jerry, I’d imagined that everyone in spirited form would look similar. What I noticed, though, was diversity in appearance: different ages, skin colors and sizes; some even appeared overweight. That surprised me. Choices are based on personal comfort, and some spirited beings are more comfortable appearing overweight. (Laughing) There’s no such thing as being out of shape when you’re in a spirited body. Any shape is in shape.

Irene: A lot of people are going to be happy to hear that. Do spirited beings who appear overweight feel overweight?

Jerry: No. The strain of carrying weight is limited to a physical body; there’s no strain on a spirited body.

Irene: Please, continue with the tour.

Jerry: I visited learning centers where I saw groups of individuals reading, studying and talking. Throughout the tour, I passed people who were engaged in recreational activities—dancing, singing, and playing. It was like visiting a college campus and walking from one building to another, seeing students lying on the grass—eating, listening to music, playing cards, throwing a Frisbee—like that. I also saw beings who were experiencing various self-created scenes: sitting on the beach near the ocean or meditating by a stream. It was truly heaven: home of God, my home.

Irene: What do you mean by self-created scenes?

Jerry: Rather than going to a place called the ocean, those wanting to be near the ocean brought the ocean to where they were.

Irene: Is this a mini ocean? Jerry: No. It was a scene like you’d see if someone were sitting on the beach by the ocean. There were others on the beach, as well.

Irene: So, you’re going along on this tour, visiting the library and learning centers, and people are outside, like on a college campus. That all sounds pretty similar to what I might experience here. But then you’ve got a full-blown scene of someone sitting on the beach by the ocean or someone else sitting by a stream. I’m having difficulty seeing how that fits in.

Jerry: That’s because the physical world and your relationship to it have their limitations. When you have a desire to visit the ocean, you’re subject to physical laws. Given the way your life is structured, maybe you feel limited by time, so it requires that you create the time for your ocean experience. If you live a hundred miles from the ocean, physical law requires transportation; your mind isn’t capable of physically bringing the ocean to you because the ocean itself is subject to physical laws—and your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate tons of water appearing in the yard. Creation here doesn’t require material, so it comes into form quickly. If someone wants to be near the ocean, they think about being near the ocean, and there it is in front of them.

Irene: I can close my eyes and imagine myself at the ocean, but what I’m hearing you say is that you have the thought of the ocean and it is the ocean.

Jerry: Yes, yes, yes. And that’s because the ocean exists as pure energy. It’s non-physical. If I were to wade into it, it would feel wet because I’d expect it to feel wet and because both the

ocean and I are non-physical. If I wanted to experience the mountains on the tour and they weren’t available through someone else’s experience, I’d have to focus on my desire in order to manifest and experience them. It’s not that I’m bringing the mountains to me. It is travel, but it’s travel through thought, not over distance.

Irene: So, back to the people on the beach who had manifested the ocean through thought: if you were to jump in, would you be jumping into their thought of the ocean?

Jerry: No. With their permission, I’d be jumping into the manifest result of their ocean thought. It was their thought that made the experience of the ocean available.

Irene: Might you see someone creating a scene that conflicts with someone else’s creation?

Jerry: Given infinite space, it would be disrespectful to interfere with someone’s creation.

Irene: Why would someone create an ocean scene by the learning center?

Jerry: It wouldn’t be here if it weren’t a harmonious creation. Everyone’s aware of being connected. If human beings were aware of their connection to each other, they’d know it isn’t harmonious to play a boom box near someone who desires serenity. If they were aware of their connection, they’d take the boom box and play it next to someone who would enjoy it.

When you’re in harmony, you’re aware of everyone’s thoughts and desires and you’re drawn to those who share yours.

Irene: If someone who transitions is unaware of being connected and therefore unaware of their impact on others, do they suddenly get this awareness as a result of transitioning?

Jerry: No, they don’t suddenly get it; they’re still framing life through their most recent physical perspective, which includes their beliefs. In truth, everyone is connected and in this connection everyone is in harmony. An individual may, however, refuse to feel the oneness—we all have freedom of choice. Based on past experiences of not feeling safe, someone might even create a structure that keeps them separate from others. Because unconditional love and harmony surround them, their fear can’t be sustained, though. The unifying truth—that there is no separation—becomes their reality.

Irene: What happens to their inharmonious creations in the interim? What if their creations are a disturbance to others?

Jerry: Not only is there a great capacity for compassion and understanding here, but there is also infinite space. You can always remove yourself from an experience in which you don’t wish to participate and create something else. It’s one of the benefits of infinity.

If you enjoyed the excerpt and you’d like

to purchase the book, it will be for sale

on Scribd beginning July, 2009.

I welcome your comments!

Irene Kendig, M.A.

www.conversationswithjerry.com

irene@conversationswithjerry.com