Copyright ed young, PhD 1 LESSON 1 IMPLICIT OTHERS INTENTIONS EMOTIONS PREJUDICE Presented by THE NATURAL SYSTEMS INSTITUTE Under Construction

copyright ed young, PhD1

LESSON 1

IMPLICIT OTHERS

INTENTIONS

EMOTIONS

PREJUDICE

Presented by

THE NATURAL SYSTEMS INSTITUTE

Under Construction


Teenage Child

The Modifying and Censoring Effects of the Implicit Others (Parents) on Original Intentions

ORIGINAL INTENTIONS ATTEMPTING TO PASS THROUGH THE IMPLICIT OTHER FILTERS

Implicit Parent

Implicit Parent

Original Intention


Teenage Child

Internalized or Implicit Parents Remain Inside the Mind Continuing the Effects They Originally Had on the Child, But

Now on the Inner Child of the Adolescent and Adult

THE UNCONSCIOUS, INNER CHILD IN RELATION TO IMPLICIT PARENTS.

ITS INTENTIONS ARE MODIFIED BY IMPLICIT PARENTS

BEFORE TURNING TO INTERACT WITH THE WORLD.

UNCONSCIOUS EFFECTS OF THE PERPETUAL WATCHFUL EYE (AS THOUGH THROUGH A TWO WAY MIRROR) OF INTERNALIZED, IMPLICIT PARENTSINNERINNER

CHILDINNERINNER CHILD

IMPLICIT IMPLICIT PARENTSPARENTSIMPLICIT IMPLICIT PARENTSPARENTS


Teenage Child

Original Intention is Pseudo- Dis- Incorporated

Original Intention is

Modified to Suit Implicit Parents

The modified intention is expressed in action

and Pseudo-Incorporated.

We attempt to infer the intention from the

action.

The person experiences discomfort,

Inauthenticity, and dissatisfaction

Detection of discomfort leads to the inference that the person did not follow through on their true original intention.

Discomfort in a situation, with an act, or with feelings related to the situation suggest that the implicit other has influenced suppression and modification of one’s original intention. Discomfort can be a teacher helping one to regain one’s authenticity.

SITUATIONSITUATIONSITUATIONSITUATION

Implicit Parents

Inferring the intentional process problem and effects of Implicit Parents from feelings in reaction to actions in a situation

Reactions to Situations As an Indirect Indicator of the Nature of One’s Implicit Others

A METHOD FOR REGAINING AUTHENTICITY, SPONTANEITY, PEACE, AND PERSONAL FREEDOM

Original Intention


This is what

we want you to be, feel, do, and have!ParentParent

child

This is what we want you to want, be, feel, do, and have!

BUT! Don’t you see, this is: what I really want to wantwhat I really want to be,

what I really feel, what I really want to do,

what I really want to have!

Nevertheless, in spite of you, this is STILL:

what I really WISH I could want really WISH I could be, what I STILL really feel,

what I STILL really want to do, what I STILL really want to have!

Inner child

Implicit Parent

Implicit Parent

The Combined, Competing Effects Of Parent and Implicit ParentVs The Child and Inner Child

On Intentional Processes and the Urge to Recover One’s Authentic Self

INCORPORATED ASIMPLICIT PARENTS

CHILD


Using Your Children to Fulfill Your Frustrated, Unfulfilled

Dreams for YourselfMy son, the Greatest! He’sjust like me.He is where Icould havebeen if someonehad given methe opportunitiesI gave him.

Greatest!Greatest!


Stealing a Life and Leaving a Smiling, Empty Shell, While Underneath, Inside the Shell, the Child Feels Its Life Is Not Worth Living and Is in Silent Despair.

This is the way my Dad sees it: I’m a good boy whom he has molded into something great and now he gets to show me off and thinks I should be really happy about that! If I don’t smile and show off for him, he says I am ungrateful.

This is the way I see it ! He’s getting me to live out, and live up to, his unfulfilled dreams and taking credit for my success. To him, I don’t have a right to a life of my own, to be myself, and to receive credit for what I do myself and not

be his show piece.


My son, the bum! He’s just like me. I never gotanythingbut bad breaks,and he neverwill either. He’ll always be a bum.

Using Your Children to Justify Your Failure to Realize Your Own Frustrated, Unfulfilled Dreams for Yourself

Worst!Worst!


Using Your Children to Justify Your Failure to Realize Your Own Frustrated, Unfulfilled Dreams for Yourself

To him I am proof of fate’s dirty deal and the living explanation for his failure. He can say he never made it, but, see, neither could my son.

To me, I know I’d better not succeed or do better than he has done, or he will put me down, put me ‘in my place’. I’m stuck in his rut!

Worst!Worst!


Original Intention

Threat of disapproval, withdrawal of support, neglect, or rejection Negative Implicit Other

Threat of disapproval, withdrawal of support, neglect, or rejection Negative Implicit Other

Effects of Implicit Other

Diverted & Suppressed Original Intention

Modifie

d Intention

AC

T

Peer and Social Environment

Parents impose and enforce their own intentions for what the child should have, be, do, feel, and/or believe. In the process, they usurp and incapacitate the child’s will and cause the child to betray their will.

The Child must submit, deceive, or rebel. Loss of integrity, authenticity, sense of ownership, tendency to confront consequences, and finally loss of motivation follow from either submission or deception. Risk of emotional expulsion, reprisal, and withdrawal of support follow from rebellion.

In this no-win situation, the child experiences despair and loss of self respect due to a sense of betrayal of self. In this battle of wills, the parental purpose is to make sure the child has a good, successful life with out giving them trouble. But, the cost is the soul of the child and the beginning of a life long sense of futility and resignation.

The importance of the needs of the parent’s shadow, community reputation, and public persona all override the teen’s personal criteria for fulfillment, need to be true to themselves, and having their own life so that, as a result, they do not want to live.

They are saying, “I will not care, I will be reckless, take drugs, get stoned, and fail in school to make a statement to you that you have made my life not worth living. I want to die and I want to humiliate you. This is the only way I know to get my message across.”

When the social environment questions the intention behind acts performed under this state of self betrayal, the child learns deception and rationalization as a way of life rather than a candid exploration of lack of knowledge or mistaken judgment for the sake of personal self correction.

Enforcement of Teen’s Self Betrayal


Teenage child

‘TURNING TABLES’ OF CONSCIENCE BACK AGAINST PARENTS DURING MID-TEENS

MOMDAD

You should not hide marbles behind your back!!!

TEEN’S INCORPORATION OF PARENTS AND THEIR VALUES AND TEACHINGS, AS IMPLICIT OTHERS, CAN BE TURNED BACK AGAINST PARENTS WHEN PARENTS HAVE VIOLATED THESE VALUES. IF THE TEEN WAS JUDGED AND PUNISHED HARSHLY, THEN THEY WILL BE EVEN MORE HARSH IN THE JUDGMENT AND CRITICISM OF THEIR PARENTS.

DADYou shouldn’t hide marbles

____behind your back_____.IMPLICIT OTHER

MOMYou shouldn’t hide marbles

____behind your back_____.IMPLICIT OTHER

I try to not hide marbles behind my back, but sometimes I just can’t stand it and give in and

do it anyway.

But, wait a minute, isn’t that Mom and Dad hiding marbles behind their backs? And, they told ‘Me’

not to! Damn! They told me to adhere to values that they don’t even adhere to themselves! That makes

them phony AND guilty! Why should I listen to them ??? Why should I follow their teaching and

advice when they don’t follow it? If they don’t even believe in their own values, then I don’t believe in them and I’ll just act two-faced and espouse values in front of them that I don’t believe in or adhere to. I’ll just do what they told me not to and when they catch me and try to punish me, I’ll just throw it back in

their faces that they do it too.

See how they like that!I’ll turn it back on them!Now see what they do!


SOLUTION TO TEEN SELF-BETRAYAL, TURNING-TABLES ON PARENTS,

AND REBELLION

• OPEN DISCUSSION OF VALUES AND VALUE CONFLICTS

• OPEN ADMISSION OF PARENTAL MISTAKES AND MORAL ERROR

• GENUINE LISTENING TO ALL OF THEIR TEENS’ POINTS OF VIEW AND RESPECT FOR THEIR THOUGHTS AND JUDGMENT

• NEGOTIATION OF A TENTATIVE SET OF NEW VALUE CODES AND GUIDES FOR BEHAVIOR BASED ON TRUST, REALISM, AND COMPROMISE

• MUTUAL AGREEMENT TO OPENLY AND OBJECTIVELY REVIEW THE CONSEQUENCES OF NEGOTIATED AGREEMENTS AND RE-NEGOTIATE AND REVISE

• MUTUAL RECOGNITION AND APPRECIATION OF SUCCESSFUL AGREEMENTS AND GROWTH


EXERCISES ON RECOVERING THE AUTHENTIC SELF

Documents

Copyright ed young, PhD 1 LESSON 1 IMPLICIT OTHERS INTENTIONS EMOTIONS PREJUDICE Presented by THE NATURAL SYSTEMS INSTITUTE Under Construction