Top tips for managing my

child’s behaviour

What is challenging Behaviour

Challenging behaviour is behaviour that is difficult for parents, professionals and teachers. Behaviour often means ‘something isn’t working’ and needs to be adapted.

Behaviour is challenging if it causes harm or if it stops people fulfilling some aspect of their lives

Challenging Behaviour and Tips

Before modifying any behaviour, it is important to find out why the behaviour is happening.

Is your child talking? Are they trying to communicate something they can’t say?

Is your child using their behaviour to get out of certain tasks?

Is your child rewarded with attention for their unwanted behaviour?

Is your child stimulated enough or over stimulated?

Is your child unwell or in pain?

What behaviour is my child demonstrating?

A child may demonstrate a variety of different behaviours depending on the situation or developmental stage of the child. Examples of common challenging behaviour may include:

Hitting Biting (this could be

themselves or others) Kicking Throwing Spitting Screaming Running off Smearing faeces Hair pulling (this could be

themselves or others) Refusal to complete tasks Tantrums Stripping Head banging

Techniques to try

ABC Charts

Firstly, we would recommend completing several ABC charts. These highlight what the behaviours are and if there are any clear triggers for the behaviour. (Please see at back of leaflet for an example). Parents should complete charts for a period of 1 week and record:

The time and date of the incident. It might also be handy to note down where the incident took place.

A – Antecedent. What exactly was your child doing before the incident took place- what distractions were there around for your child? It is important to look at these to identify whether there are any common antecedents that trigger behaviour.

B- Behaviour. What did your child do? How long did it last? Who else was involved?

C – Consequences. What happened to your child as a result of their behaviour, What did you do? Did this resolve the situation?

It is also important to add any other relevant comments, e.g. Did your child have a good night sleep? Were they hungry, or unwell? Were they in pain? Had their routine changed?

Once these charts have been completed you might notice some common themes, For example:

The behaviour may occur at the same time each day.

The behaviour may occur in the same place each day.

The behaviour may occur during the same activity every day, e.g. tidy up time.

When the child doesn’t sleep well, is their behaviour is worse.

When the child plays well until their sibling enters the room.

When the child behaviour stops demands or they are given extra attention

These themes will help to determine the strategies that may be used to reinforce positive behaviour.

So now you have completed the charts we can begin to look at tackling the behaviours.

For some behaviours it may be as simple as:

changing the how we ask children to do something.

Reducing demands when the child is tired or unwell.

Pre warning the child of the next activity or the end of an activity.

Changing the routine so that the child does a less motivating activity before a highly motivating activity.

For other behaviours other techniques might need to be used. Here are a few ideas:

Praise

All children need verbal and physical praise, this could be a hug or a high five alongside a “well done” and a smile. This can sometimes be enough to reinforce positive behaviour and reduce negative behaviour.

Some children also need this in a visual form such as traffic light cards and reward charts.

For children any attention is often better than no attention, e.g. if a child is playing happily while the parent is busy, they may decide that by acting inappropriately they will stop doing what they are doing to give them attention. Ignoring unwanted behaviour, when safe to do so, may help reduce these situations.

Traffic light cards

These are a really good and visual way to help reinforce children’s behaviour

When children are displaying positive behaviour, they should be shown the green card along with verbal praise and a physical hug or high five

When your child is displaying unwanted behaviour, they should be shown the red card along with a firm “no”. Your child should then be directed to a more appropriate activity.

Older children can be shown a yellow card as a warning that their behaviour is beginning to become inappropriate. This provides them with the opportunity to change their behaviour before a red card is shown.

Children should be shown a green card as soon as they demonstrate positive behaviour especially after a red card has been shown. 10 times more green cards should be shown for every red where possible.

Distraction

Distracting before unwanted behaviours occur can help prevent such behaviours.

Children often find it difficult to transition between activities and may need adult support to direct

them on to the next activity, or to offer a motivating distraction at the end of an activity. Some children may not know how to choose another activity to play with for themselves.

Reward charts

Reward charts can help children to achieve certain tasks at home or in nursery.

Children should be given a visual indicator that they have achieved the task agreed for the chart. This might be something like a sticker a tick or a star. Agreeing with the child how many stickers they need to gain a reward can involve the child in the process and help motivate them to reaching their goals. Once the child achieves their goal, they should be instantly rewards.

Examples of tangible rewards might include the child choosing their favourite DVD, going to the local park, choosing a magazine in the supermarket.

Reward ladders

Younger children may prefer a reward ladder. The child starts at number 1 on the chart and works their way up to number 5 or 10. A picture of their reward can be placed on the last number so that children can see what they are working towards. Again, as soon as the child reaches the final number, they should be rewarded instantly so they link the behaviour to the reward.

If the child demonstrates unwanted behaviour, their character should remain on the same place on the ladder or can be moved down a place. This would depend on the child’s stage of development

It is important to try and complete the reward ladder as soon as possible for the child in the early stages so they are motivated by the chart.

Reward ladders can be adapted to your child’s interests, e.g. a car racing along a track, a swimmer swimming to the end of the pool, a fireman climbing a ladder, Spiderman climbing up his web.

Time out/ Time in

When your child displays very challenging behaviour, your child may benefit from a period of time in or time out.

Time out is where a child is expected to sit in an allocated space for a short period of time. A visual timer would help the child to see the amount of time they are expected to sit for, allowing them time to calm down. If your child gets up, they should be returned to the spot. Time out should last between 30 seconds and 1 minute, depending on your child’s developmental stage. Once they

have finished their ‘time out’ they should be directed to a calming and motivating activity.

‘Time In’ is taking the time to sit with your child after a bout of challenging behaviour, to talk together about why they are behaving this way and discuss what behaviour is expected from them, using positive language. ‘Time In’ is not giving attention to challenging behaviour, it is giving attention to the feelings that underlie the challenging behaviour, so that these can be resolved. When children have regular, predictable and consistent access to adults, offering to spend more time with them is not a reward for their challenging behaviour.

Other Key points to remember

Consistency is key –All adults need to be using the same techniques and consequences; therefore, the child does not become confused and they understand what is expected.

Clear language – Supported with visuals. Ensure your child understands what you are asking. Use visuals such as the object itself or a photograph of the activity to ensure your child understands. Try not to lecture your child but instead clearly state what you expect rather than what they have done wrong.

Ignore unwanted behaviour- When it safe to do so.

Keep calm and reduce your voice and tone when speaking to your child -This will help to calm your child and de-escalate the situation

Don’t tackle more than one behaviour at a time- Too much pressure can cause anxiety for your child and yourself. It also makes it harder to track progress.

Be positive – Tell your child what you would like them to do rather than telling them what to stop. Often children only process the last part of the sentence, e.g. ‘stop running” may be heard as “running”. When you ask a child to “walk” this is simply what they hear.

Always complete ABC charts- For any new behaviours that arise, therefore you will hopefully see the pattern and trigger

End activities on a positive note- Especially new activities, e.g. If your child dislikes shopping – visit a smaller shop and purchase just one item and then leave. Build this up slowly at the child’s pace. Reward the child for their good behaviour

Consider your child’s development level, rather than their actual age – are the expectation and consequence appropriate?

Provide a calm/ quiet corner of the room- Create a space that your chid can take themselves to when they are becoming over stimulated. This should include having calming motivating resources for your child to play with while they are calming down.

Have fun – Provide lots of opportunity to play and have fun with your child, get to know their interests and what makes them excited, calm, frustrated and cross.

Useful links

Reward charts and ladders

https://www.supernanny.co.uk/Reward-Charts.aspx

www.rewardcharts4kids.com/reward-charts-by-character/

https://www.activityvillage.co.uk/reward-charts

www.twinkl.co.uk

General behaviour support

www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk

Please contact the Paediatric Psychology Department on 01733 847166 for further advice and support from the Specialist Practitioners Jo Yew and Ruth Atkins