CRISIS: 7 ESSENTIAL PRINCIPLES FOR NAVIGATING UNCERTAINTY

Gary Roe

CRISIS: 7 Essential Principles for Navigating Uncertainty Copyright © 2020 by Gary Roe All rights reserved. First Edition:

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WHAT THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT

Life can change in an instant. We know this. Many of us have experienced such upheaval, perhaps many times. While I write this, COVID-19 is sweeping the globe. Nations are in turmoil. Financial markets are reeling. Healthcare systems are overwhelmed. Many have lost jobs. People are dying. Families are grieving. Many are frightened. Anxiety is epidemic. The coronavirus struck silently and quickly. The ripple effects began immediately and morphed into a massive tsunami that we are now trying to manage. Every day, we wake to a different scenario. The speed of it all is overwhelming. When will this end? How bad will it get? What will it all mean for us, our families, and our way of life? The world is different. Life has changed. Everything can seem uncertain. Most of us are fans of certainty. When our sense of control is wrestled from us, we flounder. A little about me My name is Gary. I come from a background of traumatic loss and emotional pain. I grew up feeling sad and lonely most of the time. Throughout my childhood, I kept getting hit by life. Sexual abuse. Bullying. Deaths of friends and family. Mom struggled with mental illness. My parents separated and divorced. Dad collapsed in front of me, never regained consciousness, and died a week later. My mom attempted suicide. At the age of 16, I reached a crisis point. "Life is not what I wanted or expected. I don't know if I can do this," I said to myself. Depression set in. Then one day, I woke up with a new sense of resolve.

"I'm going to get hit in life. I must learn to handle the hits that come. And I must find a way to turn those hits around and use them for good somehow. If I can't do that, what's the point?" That resolve launched me on a mission to heal, grow, and make a difference. As a result, my adult life has been focused on helping hurting people heal and grow. Over the years, I have served as a college minister, a missionary in Japan, and a pastor in Texas and Washington. For the past decade, I've had the honor of serving as an author, speaker, hospice chaplain, and grief specialist. I've had the privilege of walking with thousands of people through times of loss, fear, grief, and uncertainty. From both my personal and professional experience, I can say the following with great confidence: Life is uncertain. The unexpected happens. We can't control what happens, but we can choose how to respond to what happens. We're in this together, and how each of us responds to crisis affects those around us. Crisis and uncertainty can be used as fuel for great good. With these things in mind, I would like to share with you seven essential principles for times of crisis and uncertainty. These principles are applicable to ANY crisis you might face - personal, relational, financial, marital, vocational, emotional, or spiritual. However, let me be clear. These principles are not a magic pill that will quickly solve every crisis. Properly understood, practiced, and applied, however, I believe these principles can serve as a rudder you can use to better navigate your ship through the turbulent waters you find yourself in. Where I’m coming from Before we dive into these principles, I would like you to know that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I'm imperfect, fallible, and make loads of mistakes. I struggle, sometimes daily, with the wounds, miscues, and failures of the past. But Jesus Christ is my life, and this greatly influences my voice and how I write. My faith informs how I think about crisis and uncertainty. As a result, I mention Jesus and my faith from time to time in this book. If you are not a follower of Jesus, it is not my intention to exclude or offend you in any way. I'm simply sharing what has been given to me - via personal and professional experience - from my heart. My hope is that this book will apply to you and your situation in meaningful and transformative ways, no matter where you're coming from spiritually. I'm here to help, if I can. If you have questions, or would simply like to share your situation, please feel free to contact me at contact@garyroe.com Take a deep breath. Together, we will get through this. Read on...

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #1: Pursue Calm

“Gentleness is strength under control. It is the ability to stay calm,

no matter what happens.” ― Elizabeth George

I know what some of you are thinking. "Are you kidding me? Pursue calm? I'm not calm. I don't want to be calm. I'm in crisis here!" I know. I get it. None of us wants to be told, "Calm down." There's a difference, however, between "calming down" and "pursuing calm." Calming down tends to be temporary. Pursuing calm, on the other hand, is about developing a practiced habit. When crisis hits, we're often stunned, shocked, and even immobilized. Our world has suddenly changed. Our hearts have been hit. Our brains are racing to fathom what's happening. Anxiety and fear invade. No one likes anxiety. None of us enjoys fear. We know that neither of these serves us well. It is important to note, however, that experiencing fear and anxiety in times of crisis and uncertainty is natural and common. In other words, give yourself a break. You're not the only one battling fear and anxiety. They're always flexing their muscles and threatening disaster. They bust into our hearts and begin to act like they own us. They fill our minds with what if's and no-win scenarios. Clearly, these foreign invaders are not our friends. It's important, however, to acknowledge fear and anxiety when they come. "I feel fearful. I feel anxious." If we can, it's often helpful to identify what we're fearful or anxious about. "I'm afraid that...I'm feeling anxious about..."

Expressing what's happening inside us - out loud, if possible - can help unplug some of the dread. A powerful anti-anxiety skill There is a powerful skill that helps us process the fear-anxiety duo and pursue a sense of calm during crisis. It's so simple that anyone can do it, anywhere, at any time. It's called deep breathing. Now, before you dismiss this and jump ahead to Crisis Principle #2, hear this: Deep breathing may be one of the most effective anti-fear, anti-anxiety weapons we have. Here's how it works. Breathe in deeply through your nose. Hold it for a second or so. Breathe out through your mouth. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and sends a calming message to your brain. When crisis strikes, we quickly shift into fight-or-flight mode. Your brain screams, "Danger!" and now the rest of you responds. When you breathe deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you're sending a message back to your brain: “Slow down. There is no imminent danger. Let’s think about this." The power of this simple skill is extraordinary. It's a built-in, natural, God-given ability that anyone can activate at any time. If you want to pursue calm in your life, practice deep breathing. Practice it right now. Take a few moments. Get in a quiet place, if you can. Close your eyes. Breathe in deeply through your nose. Hold it a second, and then breathe out through your mouth. Repeat that process. Again. Keep going. Breathe deeply for several minutes. Do you notice a difference? Once you get the process down, it's amazing how quick the calming effect can be. In the heat of the moment, when anxiety or fear strikes, deep breathing might be the furthest thing from our minds. Therefore, practicing this skill as a daily discipline (when we're not anxious) is important. The more we practice deep breathing, the better able we'll be to initiate it when we need it the most.

Consider Consider practicing deep breathing twice per day. Set aside five minutes in your schedule - perhaps once in the morning at the start of your day, and once later in the afternoon or evening. Personally, I've found that deep breathing first thing in the morning and the last thing at night is especially helpful. As you practice this skill, breathing deeply while in the heat of the battle will become easier over time. In addition, some find it helpful to do some visualization along with their deep breathing. I picture myself in a safe place with Jesus. As I breathe deeply, I see myself releasing my fears, worries, concerns, and anxiety to him. As I lay these things before him, I see them disappear. Perhaps some visualization could be helpful to you as well. Breathe. Calm and peace in. Fear and anxiety out. Additional ways to pursue calm Once deep breathing becomes a disciplined skill in your life, you can look for additional ways to pursue calm. For most of us, this is going to take intentional effort to do a little less. Less hurry and busy-ness. Less frenetic activity. Less screen time. Less multi-tasking. Less exposure to people, situations, and information that aren't helpful to us. We also may need to intentionally include more of what's good for us. More margin to relax, recreate, and refresh. More time to be quiet, reflect, and contemplate. More focus on doing one thing at a time, calmly and peacefully. More time to be creative - crafting, writing, building, painting, sculpting, filming, etc. More exposure to safe people who exude calm.

Set your mind to pursue calm. Make deep breathing a daily discipline. If helpful, use visualization. Over time, intentionally weed out the anxiety-producing stuff and cultivate new peace-producers.

“I will pursue calm.”

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #2: Protect and Nurture Your Heart

"Above all else, guard your heart; for it is the spring from which everything else

in your life flows." - King Solomon

Your heart is under attack. You know this. You sense it. You get hit, and then hit again. You adjust and adapt. You try to make the best of things. You work hard and give it your all. Over time, life begins to wear on you. Expectations go unmet. Dreams fade. Hopes dwindle. You find yourself settling for what is rather than what could be. You're tired, perhaps even exhausted. You get up and go through the motions. Life has lost its color. Underneath it all, your heart is screaming. Something is wrong. Maybe you feel like you've been slowly dying inside - perhaps for a long time. You sense your soul is suffocating under some unseen weight. You hate to admit it, but you feel trapped. Your soul needs oxygen and you don't know where to find it. A crisis comes. You didn't invite or ask for it. Perhaps you didn't do anything to cause it. It was thrust upon you. Suddenly you feel like you're adrift on the ocean in the middle of nowhere, with no land in sight. Your heart is slowly being silenced. You can't afford to let that happen. Protecting our hearts Your heart is your most prized possession. It is the guts of who you are. You are special beyond belief. You are unique in human history. You must find your heart. Once you find it, you must live from it. We need you. Even amid crisis - especially amid crisis - you must find ways to protect and nurture your heart. Perhaps your heart has already been wounded to the extent that you wonder if you're beyond repair. I believe that anyone can heal. Anyone can grow. Healing and growth, however, can be

hard work. Most people simply go with the flow. Healing and growth require you to swim upstream. Protecting and nurturing your heart requires some proactive decision-making on your part. I first learned this from my high school swim coach. He had a saying that he incorporated into almost everything he said and did. It was simple and profound.

Garbage in, garbage out. We're greatly influenced by what we take in. We can't un-see or un-experience something. Traumatic mental images and painful experiences tend to stay with us and influence us in ways we're unaware of. They can be the invisible phantoms behind many of our most frustrating behavior patterns. Garbage tends to produce more garbage. Take in enough negative stuff, and it will begin to produce internal garbage that can frustrate and demoralize you. Part of protecting your heart involves guarding your "eye gate" and "ear gate." Picture your heart being behind a fence that's designed to shield it from damage and keep you safe. This fence has two main gates - the eye gate and the ear gate. In many cases, you have a choice about what you're going to let in those gates. Whatever you choose to let in will have an influence on your heart. Again, it's about choices. If you're going to protect and nurture your heart, you must guard your gates. In most cases, you can choose what you expose your heart to and how much. There are times, however, when information and events climb over your fence or force their way through your gates. We never know what might happen in front of us or around us. In these cases, all we can do is manage what we've seen and heard as best we can. Nurturing our hearts Nurturing our hearts is so important. It's not just about avoiding garbage, but also about intentionally feeding our hearts true, life-giving, and healthy stuff. Here's an example. Every morning soon after I wake up, I get some time to myself, breathe deeply, and begin to remind myself of what I know to be true about myself, other people, and the world around me. In other words, these messages I feed my heart every morning. Let me share them with you. I always put these truths in the first person:

I am unique, one of a kind.

I am of inherent priceless value, apart from anything I've ever thought, said, or done.

I have a unique mission and purpose that only I can fulfill.

I have been wounded, but I can heal.

My heart is my most prized possession. My heart is who I am.

I will guard and nurture my heart so that I can live from it.

Life is about relationships, so my life will be about loving and serving others.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I also remind myself that...

God thought of me before he created the universe. God wanted me.

God personally created me in my mother's womb. I am far more than the mere union of my parents.

Because I'm created in God's image, I have priceless, eternal value.

God loves me and has a plan for me - a good plan.

God made me for a purpose and has given me a mission.

My mission is ultimately is about loving God and loving people. Truth nurtures the heart. Lies, half-truths, and misinformation confuse, distract, and even destroy. We're all one of a kind with a unique mission and purpose. We must find ways to nurture our hearts and feed ourselves truth.

Garbage in, garbage out.

Truth in, kindness, love and service out. In times of crisis We guard our hearts. We repair our fences and keep watch on our gates. We intentionally manage our inflow, knowing that it determines the quality of our outflow. Over time, we learn to reduce what's harmful and not helpful, and feed ourselves what's true, healthy, and life-giving. No matter what happens around us, the choice is still ours. Will we protect and nurture our hearts today? Will we continue to live out our mission in times of difficulty and hardship? Do not let the world and circumstances shrink your heart. You can't afford that. Neither can we. We need you.

“I will protect and nurture my heart.”

Consider:

Morning Mindset Consider taking some time each morning to "set your mind." Tell yourself the truth. Protect your heart by nurturing it. Here are some possibilities:

• Write down the truths I've listed previously. Adjust the wording so they resonate with your own heart. Read these truths each morning (preferably out loud so you hear them in your own voice).

• Take a short time of silence and visualize yourself living out those truths today. • Release fears, worries, and concerns. • If you are a Christ follower, find specific scriptures that tell you who you are and why

you're here. Write these down, and read a few of them (out loud, if possible). (I compiled my own list of these a while back. If you would like me to send it to you, just email me at contact@garyroe.com and ask for the "Identity Sheet.”

If you want to know more about protecting and nurturing your heart, please check out my book Difference Maker: Overcoming Adversity and Turning Pain into Purpose Every Day. I would like to close this chapter by sharing one of my favorite passages I use to remind myself to protect and nurture my heart. Perhaps it will resonate with you too.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about

such things." (the Apostle Paul, Philippians 4:8)

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #3: Practice Reacting Less and Responding More

“It’s not the situation, but whether we react negative or respond positive

to the situation that is important.” – Zig Ziglar

In college, I had a mentor who said several things to me that I will never forget. One of them was this: "Gary, it's not what you did, but what you do next that matters most now." I've failed many times in life. I've blown it time and time again. I've hurt the people around me, even those I love dearly. To say that I'm imperfect is a gross understatement. Thankfully, failure does not define us - or, at least, it doesn't have to. John Maxwell has a book called Failing Forward. I love that phrase. The concept of failing forward gives me permission to risk, to be human, and then to learn from my miscues. Having said all that, my mentor's statement wasn't simply about learning to fail forward. It was also about learning to respond rather than merely react. During times of crisis, our hearts are especially vulnerable. With each new bit of news, our minds race and react. We have both mental and emotional reflexes that are immediate and powerful. We can get hijacked by what we perceive to be bad or scary news. We can end up in an internal tailspin in a nanosecond. It's hard to control reflexes. They're automatic and natural. After the initial reflex, however, we have a choice. Will we merely react to this new assault, or will we choose to respond instead? Learning to react less and respond more Here’s how it works… Disturbing or confusing information comes. We're startled, as if to a sudden, loud noise. Fear and anxiety show up at our fence and rattle our gate. We pause. We pursue calm. We take a moment, close our eyes, and breathe deeply. We acknowledge the disturbing thoughts and feelings. "I'm thinking the worst. I'm feel nervous, anxious, and scared."

We protect our hearts by releasing these thoughts and feelings and let them pass on through. We nurture our hearts and begin to tell ourselves the truth (see the previous chapter).

We acknowledge the reflex. It's automatic and natural.

We acknowledge what's happening inside us - the thoughts and feelings.

We nurture our hearts with good things and let the other stuff pass on through. Imagine what good news this is! You are not at the whim of whatever happens next. Your life and your heart are not controlled by circumstances or situations. You can choose how to respond. Yes, sometimes you might feel trapped. "Feel" is the operative word in that sentence. The reality is that we always have options. You may not see them now, but they will appear in time. Breathe deeply, protect your heart, tell yourself the truth, and give yourself a little internal space. Models help immensely. Who do you know has mastered (or is at least good at) responding instead of reacting? Get around them somehow. Watch how they handle things. If possible, ask them how they do it. Learn from them. Absorb all you can. It’s easy to get derailed and spend all our time watching the latest news and updates. Knowledge and awareness are huge, but there comes a tipping point for each of us when more information ceases to be helpful. We can become obsessed with things beyond our control, which only stokes our anxiety and inflames our fears. Over-immersion in media and info can easily push our buttons and make us even more reactive. We all have things to do. Focus on them, one by one. Work. Cleaning. Laundry. Relationships. Pets. Stay in the present. One thing, one moment at a time. Doing what's routinely important and refusing to be derailed by what might be happening "out there" is one positive way to respond rather than react. Let's talk about relationships Life is all about relationships. We're profoundly influenced by those we're connected to. In fact, it's been said that we become a sort of composite of the five people we're around the most. If you're surrounded by a bunch of reactionaries, it makes sense that you might be especially prone to react along with them. We're wired for connection and belonging, but that doesn't mean that all relationships are healthy and good for us.

If you're able to respond rather than react to the people who are closest to you (and those immediate around you), you're way ahead of most of us. We're deeply invested in our families and friendships, so we tend to react quickly and strongly. We react when they disagree or are at odds with us. We react for them when we perceive they're being taken advantage of or threatened. Our hearts are deeply attached, and so our reactivity tends to be closer to the surface. Here's another way to think about this: Reaction is often driven by fear and a desire for control. Response is driven by our purpose and informed by wisdom. Reaction is mostly about what's happening in front of us. Response comes from a clear grasp of the bigger picture. Reaction often requires a lot of clean up afterwards. Response often minimizes mess and moves things forward. Reaction is driven by our wounds and ends up wounding others. Response comes from the heart and often brings healing. Pursue calm. Protect and nurture your heart. Learn to react less. Respond more. This is all a part of living from your heart.

“I will practice reacting less and responding more.”

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #4: Pursue Personal Wellness

“When you substitute ‘we’ for ‘I’ even ‘illness’ becomes ‘wellness.’”

– Jessica Joelle Alexander "Pray that I stay healthy. If I lose my health, I lose everything," Steve said. Steve's mom had been killed in a car accident. His dad suffered a traumatic brain injury. In a short time, Steve went from independent businessman and civic leader to grieving son and personal caregiver. "I'm out of my depth and stressed to the max. It's all happening so fast. I hope I don't crater," he shared. Many crises are like this. They hit suddenly and out of nowhere. Our lives are changed in an instant. Our sense of control and competence disappears. We've been thrust into a new world full of unknowns. The emotional impact is powerful. The mental impact is significant. The physical impact can be substantial too. If the stress is heavy enough, we can begin having new or exacerbated symptoms. Fatigue hits, then exhaustion. Dealing with uncertainty takes a massive amount of energy. Many experience headaches, stomach distress, chest discomfort, muscle tightness, body aches, racing heartbeat, back issues, vertigo, or clumsiness. If we allow things to continue unabated, significant health issues can arise down the road. It's been said that the best gift you can give yourself and those around you is the healthiest you possible. Certainly, wellness is critical factor in dealing well with crisis and uncertainty. The healthier we are, the clearer we tend to see things. Nutrition What we eat matters. Our immune system is based in our gut. Giving our bodies what they need is important. In times of crisis, however, we tend to eat for comfort, if we remember to eat at all. Some of us engage in stress eating, which usually involves lots of sugar and carbs. Some go the opposite direction, as if the stress has stolen our appetite.

In other words, eating healthy in times of upheaval usually requires some focused attention and discipline. My old swim coach's motto applies to eating too.

Garbage in, garbage out. In crisis, we can't afford any more garbage. We need good nutrition. Exercise Our bodies are made to move. Exercise can be a huge stress reducer and endorphin producer. In crisis, taking time to exercise becomes vital. Moderate physical exercise has so many benefits. It lifts our mood. It helps our digestion. It reduces anxiety. The repetitive motion enables our brains to process things in new ways. Just getting outside and moving can bring new perspective. I was a competitive swimmer growing up. Heavy workouts have been my norm. In middle adulthood, I began to realize just how important exercise was to my overall health - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. In stressful times, working out is even more crucial for me. Don't go all crazy. Start slow and small. Begin with where you are. Take your age and current condition seriously. Talk to your physician. Seek wise counsel before starting an exercise program. If you haven't been exercising, just get moving. A little bit goes a long, long way. Hydration Most of us don't drink enough. It's estimated that 75% of us are walking around dehydrated. What are some of the results of dehydration over time? Constipation. Difficulty focusing. Tiredness. Dry skin. Muscle cramps. Dry mouth. Bad breath. Liver dysfunction. Kidney problems. Bowel issues. Overeating. Malnutrition. Infections. Confusion. The list goes on and on. Since we humans are 60% water, it makes sense we need a lot of water to survive and be healthy. We've probably all heard that we need 6-8 glasses of water a day. Many experts indicate we need more than that, especially if we're active. And we don't just need water. We need electrolytes. Both liquid and powdered electrolytes are available in most large grocery stores, health stores, supplement shops, and online. Find ways to hydrate throughout the day. Both your mind and body will thank you.

Medical Support Severe stress suppresses the immune system. If we need medical support, what do we do? Where would you go for medical help? Whom would you consult with health questions and concerns? Many of us go straight to the internet. Sometimes, that's might not be a bad choice. Talking with an actual medical professional, however, is far preferable. If you have a Primary Care Physician, it might be a good idea to contact them and let them know about the stress you're under. You're giving them a "heads-up" in case you need some concrete help later. Just leaving a message on their office voice mail can bring a sense of relief and reassurance. Deciding beforehand where you will go and whom you will consult is one thing you can do today that might really help you down the road. Mental Health Support "Am I going crazy?" I get asked this question dozens of times each week - both online and in person. When things in our world go crazy, we can think we're losing it mentally. Stress affects all our mental processes. Our memory is challenged. Our focus is disrupted. Our problem-solving abilities are squeezed. Our minds spin. Are you going crazy? No. You've been thrust into a crazy-making situation. Taking your mental health seriously during this time is important. You can't afford to have any sort of stigma about this. Everyone needs mental health support. You need someone safe with whom you can share freely. You need someone who will listen well and not judge you. You need someone who will walk with you in your stress, accept you as you are, and support you well. We all need people like this. Who can meet this need for you? If you don't know anyone, who among your family, friends, and acquaintances might?

For some of us, seeking help feels risky. We feel vulnerable. That's natural and okay. We need to be able to share what's happening inside us with someone trustworthy. As we do, we begin to release some of our burdens, gain new perspective, and find reassurance. Spiritual Support Crisis affects us spiritually. Our souls can be shaken. If the upheaval is severe enough, we can begin to question what we believe. Some experience a crisis of faith in times of uncertainty. Long-held beliefs can come under new scrutiny. If our faith orientation doesn't have sufficient answers for tragedy, injustice, disasters, and suffering, the current crisis might throw us into a season of doubt and anger. We need spiritual mentors at times like these. If we're an integral part of a faith family of some kind, we already have some of these mentors. They might be pastors, ministers, or group leaders. Perhaps they're family members or friends that we perceive are further down the road of spiritual growth. Crises can be stealth blessings when it comes to our souls. They shake us out of complacency and expose our illusions of control. Times of upheaval challenge our comfort zones and jostle our relationships. Tumults like this wake us up to what's most important in life. Look for spiritual growth during this time. Seek it. Reach out to a spiritual mentor or two. Expose yourself to people who know why they're here and are fully engaged in a mission and purpose larger than themselves. The Bible is full of passages that deal with fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and doubt. You can go to www.biblegateway.com and search for various words - anxiety, anxious, fear, fearful, etc. Scroll down on the home page for free articles and devotionals you can sign up for. Overall, this site is an excellent resource. If possible, plug some daily spiritual encouragement into your life. Make it part of your routine. When you pursue spiritual health, it flows out of the rest of your being. Pursue calm. Protect and nurture your heart. React less. Respond more. Pursue your mission and live intentionally with purpose. Promote peace. Pursue personal health and wellness. Again, you're more valuable than you know.

“I will pursue personal wellness.”

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #5: Pursue Your Purpose

“Give a person a big enough why and they can endure any what.”

– Lendol Calder Someone recently asked me, "Gary, what's your one thing?" "Huh?" "If you had to boil life down to one thing, what would it be?" That set me to thinking about purpose and mission. So, let me ask... Why are you here? What is your why? What is your ultimate purpose? What is your one thing? We are purposeful beings We're purposeful beings. When our sense of purpose is hazy, we flounder and drift. Let's return to some of the truths we talked about earlier. I said I believe each of us is created unique with a one-of-a-kind mission that only we can fulfill. As a Christ follower, I mentioned that - for me - whatever this mission is has to do with loving God and loving people. As a hospice chaplain, I get to hear a lot of stories from those on the edge of this life. I can't count the number of times I've heard a patient or family member say, "I've never told anyone this..." People share their regrets with me. Some have many, others few. In more than a decade of hospice ministry, I have yet to hear a regret that didn't involve another person or a relationship. For me, that confirms that life is about people. People are precious. People are of priceless value. People matter.

Whatever your purpose - whatever your mission - it will inevitably come down to words like people, love, and service. We're in this together. We need each other badly. None of us is truly independent. We're all interdependent. We always have been and always will be. Crisis often produces self-absorption In times of crisis, we tend to run from our purpose. When uncertainty, fear, and anxiety show up, self-preservation tends to kick in. Life can become all about survival - in other words, all about us - in a heartbeat. When crisis strikes, most of us become self-obsessed. What does this mean for me? What I am going to do? How am I going handle this? Am I going to make it? Self-preservation is a natural reflex. If our lives are in danger, this reflex might be totally appropriate. Since we're relational creatures, however, our calling is always to something greater than self. We're a part of something big - huge, in fact. If we're going to live with purpose in times of crisis, we can't afford to be lured into the bunker of me-ism. Rather than shrinking, now is the time we need to live large.

How can I serve others during all this?

What can I do to love and care for those around me?

How can I express kindness, concern, and compassion?

How can I think, speak, and act for the good of others during this time?

Fear often stems from something in the past. Perhaps we've been wounded deeply and are terrified that something similar might happen again - to us or those we care about. The antidote for fear is not courage. It's love. Love is what gives us courage. When we make the choice to love, even when we're afraid, we heal a little. The more we love, the more we heal. The more we heal, the less of a grip fear has on us. The less we live in fear, the freer we are to love.

The more we love, the more healing takes place - for us and for others. What is love? Love is not about feeling good, although it can produce good feelings. Love is not an emotion, though it can be emotional. Love is not performance or trying to please someone else. Love is not simply doing what we want to do for another person. Love is a gift, freely given, with no strings attached. Love is actively seeking and intentionally acting for the good of another person. Love naturally demands sacrifice and might result in personal hardship. Love is costly, but well worth it. You can love another person, but you can't make them feel loved. Just because love is given doesn't mean it will be received. We do not love to get. We simply love. Period. Amid fear and uncertainty, when we manage to get out of our own heads and act for ultimate good of those around us, something miraculous occurs. Hearts come alive. We live larger than ourselves. Good takes place. Hope is kindled. The ripple effects of kindness, goodness, and service go on, and on, and on. Crisis tends to dull our vision at just the time when we need to see things as clearly as possible. Love stirs hope. We suddenly remember that life really is about people and relationships. The fog clears a little. Previously hidden options and possible solutions become visible. In times of crisis, embrace your why. Know why you're here and what you're about. The clearer your purpose is, the more all of us will benefit. I can't say this enough. We need you. We don't need some cheap imitation. We don't need another performer on our stage. We don't need another chameleon. We need the one-and-only, unique-creation-of-God you.

Pursue calm. Protect and nurture your heart. Learn to react less and respond more. Pursue your purpose. Find ways to live large, even if life doesn't look great or feel good right now. So much of life is about overcoming.

“I will pursue my purpose, love, and serve.”

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #6: Promote Peace

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

– Mother Teresa For many of us, peace - inner peace - is not something we've experienced a lot of. It sounds nice, especially in the throes of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. We have an idea of what it might feel like, but it can be rare in our fast-paced, tech-driven, info-saturated world. Sadly, our screens have superseded our hearts. We're more connected than ever, and yet loneliness is on the rise. It's almost like we're attached on the outside, but we’re isolated on the inside. What is peace? Peace is not the absence of difficulties or turmoil. Peace is not the absence of uncertainty, crisis, or personal pain. Peace is not based on comfort or external circumstances. Peace comes from a sense of safety, even in extreme situations. Peace is a deep sense of okay-ness no matter what is happening around us. Peace is our emotional anchor amid life's storms. True peace comes not from without but from within. Promoting peace at a time of crisis is massively important. As you think, speak, and act in ways that encourage peace, your own sense of peace will be nurtured and grow. People in crisis need to know that they are going to be okay. They need hope. They need a sense of safety and security. They need peace. We all need peace. Of course, crises are stressful. Intense stress can bring out the worst in us. We say things we wouldn't normally say. Our margins are strained. Our fuses are shorter. In our desperation to find something we can control, we can grow irritated and frantic.

Eventually, the stress of it all leaks out of us and onto those around us. At a time when a calm head and peaceful heart would benefit everyone, most of us are ramping up. We become so focused on keeping the next bad thing from happening that we miss opportunities to lead ourselves and others back to sane and healthy living. With activities restricted and our routines in tatters, it’s easy to spew our discontent and frustration on social media. Though each of us needs to take what’s happening inside us seriously, now is a time to constrain what we want to say in favor of speaking for the greater good. We all need places to vent. Please make sure you have some avenues where you can “let it out” without fear of judgment. Venting publicly online, however, will most likely not serve you or anyone else well. Our words have power. Now is the time to think of each other first and speak words that are helpful and that promote peace. Peace. We need it, especially in crisis. We can't expect others to supply this for us. We need to step up and be peace-seekers and peace-promoters. Intentionally promote peace Instead of letting our minds run away with what if this and what if that, what if we intentionally pursued and promoted peace? Peace comes from being and feeling loved. If we're willing to receive it, love brings with it a sense of safety, security, and peace. This peace is more than a feeling. It's a belief that you are okay, even if everything else is not. I'm reminded of Jesus' words... "I have said these things to you so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. Take

heart. I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Peace amid trouble. Life is about overcoming. Seek peace. Speak peace. Exude peace. As you do, everyone around you will benefit. Instead of merely reacting, you're modeling for others how to respond. You're sending the message that this moment in time will pass and that this crisis is not all there is. You're offering others a chance to step back with you and look at the bigger picture. You're telling them it's okay to breathe again. Promoting peace is one way to express love. Speaking and acting for peace is a powerful way to seek the ultimate good of those around you. Like love, peace is a gift. We release it to others in our thoughts, prayers, words, and actions. It's up to them to receive it or not.

Crises often stir fear. Fear is not a good decision-driver. A sense of peace gives us time and space to consider, weigh options, and respond well. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• How might you cultivate a heart of peace?

• How might you promote peace to those around you?

• How might you offer others a sense of safety? What would that look like? The hard part about crises is that we feel like we're in limbo. Life isn't what it used to be, but we don't know what it will be either. Things feel out of control and unpredictable. People in limbo-land need peace. Pursue calm. Protect and nurture your heart. React less. Respond more. Pursue your purpose. Become a peace-promoter. Act and speak peace.

“I will promote peace.”

CRISIS PRINCIPLE #7: Practice Solid Leadership

“A leader is a dealer in hope.”

– Napoleon Bonaparte “Lead? What are you talking about? I don’t know where I am going!” Our instinct in crisis is to hunker down and wait out the storm. We pull inward. We live in fight-or-flight mode. We develop a fortress mentality. The smaller our personal world becomes, the more isolated we will feel. We're wired for connection. We're designed for relationship. Isolation is an enemy of healing, growth, and recovery. We must challenge our natural tendency to withdraw and isolate. Even if you think of yourself primarily as a follower, you're still a leader. We all are. We all have way more influence than we realize. We all have people who look to us for this, that, or the other. Every day, all of us engage in a mixture of leading and following. We lead one moment and follow the next. Even if you're quarantined or locked down during a pandemic, refuse to let your heart hunker down and shrink. Exercise your considerable influence for the good of those around you. Even if you can't leave your home, you can still serve others. One obvious way to lead and serve One obvious way we lead by modeling is to follow the guidelines laid down for us by our health experts and elected officials. There are people out there working around the clock to protect us and see us through this. We can stand with them against this virus by courageously and humbly acting for the greater good – even if it’s personally uncomfortable and costly. We might be divided politically, but now is a time to come together. No matter what we might think about who is in office and where, if each of us acts in love – thinking about those around us – we will get through this better overall. Just as in all of life, we must confront our own arrogance (“It’s all about me and what I think and want”) and pursue humility and love (“It’s about all of us because we’re in this together”).

Think about those around you:

• What do they need?

• What are their greatest concerns, fears, and worries?

• What problems are they trying to solve?

• What pain are they currently experiencing? Once you get some answers to those questions, consider:

• What can I contribute to those around me?

• What expertise do I have that I can put to work to meet the needs of others?

• What do I have - knowledge, skills, wisdom, materials - that I can contribute?

• What can I do to serve others and relieve some of their pain? Get creative. Think outside the box. You have more to give than you realize. You have more knowledge and skills than you're aware of. You can be the Difference Maker that many people out there need. An interesting bunch We humans are an interesting bunch. We're wired for connection and relationship. We're fallible. We get wounded. We wound others. We're both resilient and vulnerable. We're routine, but inconsistent. We strive to be independent, even though we're all interdependent. We can be incredibly selfish and amazingly altruistic. Now is not the time for self-absorption (actually, there is never a time for this!). Now is the time to come together, even if we’re sheltering-in-place and socially distant. Now is the time for all of us to step up and lead by serving. Our kids are watching us. Our grandchildren are too. So are our friends, neighbors, and coworkers. What we say and do during this time will have impact. Modeling is the most powerful form of leadership.

Pursue peace. Protect and nurture your heart. React less and respond more. Live purposefully and intentionally. Promote peace. Pursue personal wellness. Lead by serving. You have more influence than you know. You matter more than you realize. Don't fall into that victim mindset. Rise from the pit of this crisis and serve.

“I will practice solid leadership and influence for good.”

Affirmations:

“I will pursue calm.”

“I will protect and nurture my heart.”

“I will practice reacting less and responding more.”

“I will pursue personal wellness.”

“I will pursue my purpose, love, and serve.”

“I will promote peace.”

“I will practice solid leadership and influence for good.”

Regarding the COVID-19 pandemic:

• Take heart. Together, we will get through this.

• People might be going crazy. You don't have to.

• Instead of complaining and judging others, rise and be the Difference Maker you can be.

• Find out what you can offer to others and embrace the mantle of service.

• Don't just let things happen. Live purposefully, intentionally, and in love.

• Find your heart and live from it.

• This crisis will pass.

Regarding any personal crisis you’re experiencing:

• Take heart. You are not alone.

• You're not going crazy. Life just seems crazy compared to your previous routine.

• Instead of complaining and going internal, reach out to safe people for the assistance and support you need.

• Give up the blame game. Instead of going after others, find healthy ways to express and release the anger inside you.

• Even amid personal pain, begin to look for ways you can serve others.

• Reorient back to your overall mission and purpose. Why are you here?

• Listen to your heart. Unearth it from under the rubble. Nurture it and live from it.

• You will heal and grow over time.

Thank you! Thanks for reading CRISIS: 7 Essential Principles for Navigating Uncertainty. This book is about building good, positive habits while under immense pressure. Habits aren't built in an hour, a day, or a week. We're talking about some lifestyle alterations that take place over time.

Here's a recommendation for you:

This book has seven chapters - one for each day of the week. Reread one chapter each day for the next 6 weeks.

At the end of six weeks, if you're applying what you read, new habits should be taking hold in your life. In the meantime, if you have questions or simply want to share, contact me at contact@garyroe.com.

Gary’s Books

Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide www.garyroe.com/aftermath

Comfort for Grieving Hearts – The Series:

Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement in Times of Loss Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner

Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Parent Comfort for the Grieving Parent’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Child

www.garyroe.com/comfort-series

Difference Maker: Overcoming Adversity and Turning Pain into Purpose, Every Day www.garyroe.com/difference-maker

Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

www.garyroe.com/shattered

Teen Grief: Caring for the Grieving Teenage Heart www.garyroe.com/teengrief

Please Be Patient, I’m Grieving: How to Care for and Support the Grieving Heart

www.garyroe.com/please-be-patient

Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse www.garyroe.com/heartbroken-2

Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Loss During Special Seasons

www.garyroe.com/surviving-the-holidays

About the Author

Gary’s story began with a childhood of mixed messages and sexual abuse. This was followed by other losses and numerous grief experiences. Ultimately, a painful past led Gary into a life of helping wounded people heal and grow. A former college minister, missionary in Japan, entrepreneur in Hawaii, and pastor in Texas and Washington, he now serves as a writer, speaker, chaplain, and grief specialist with Hospice Brazos Valley. In addition to CRISIS, Gary is the author of more than a dozen books, including the award-winning bestsellers Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child, Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart, and Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide. Gary’s books have won three national book awards and have been named as finalists seven times. He has been featured on Dr. Laura, Belief Net, the Christian Broadcasting Network, Wellness, Thrive Global, and other major media, and has well over 700 grief-related articles in print. Recipient of the Diane Duncam Award for Excellence in Hospice Care, Gary is a popular keynote, conference, and seminar speaker at a wide variety of venues. Gary loves being a husband and father. He has seven adopted children, including three daughters from Colombia. He enjoys coffee, hockey, corny jokes, good puns, and colorful Hawaiian shirts. Gary and his wife Jen and family live in Texas.

Visit Gary at www.garyroe.com and connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest

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