· criticism is such a major, major, major fear that stops so many people and many times we don’t even realize it’s there. . I’ll give you an example I use many times, which

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Critics - VIP AudioHi, this is AJ. Welcome to this month’s VIP lesson, the topic this month ‘Critics’. Critics, a very important topic, a topic that I know holds back a lot of people, scares a lot of people, even if they don’t admit it. A lot of people won’t admit that they fear criticism, that they fear critics and, yet, all of us really at some level have this fear. Some of us have it very powerfully, very strongly, and it takes some time to get over it. So let’s talk about this.

First of all, what is a critic, in case you don’t know this word? A ‘critic’ is well…the really direct meaning is a critic is someone who criticizes. So to criticize is to say something negative about something or someone. A critic is someone who says negative things about other people. That’s sort of the most direct meaning.

This word can have different meanings in different situations, however. So, in a very general way, it can have kind of a negative feeling. Oh, he’s such a critic, if you say it like that. He’s such a critic or he’s just a critic. That’s someone who maybe is quite negative always criticizing other people all the time, always has something kind of negative to say, but it can also be an actual job description like a professional critic.

This is someone who writes, for example, in a newspaper about movies, like a movie critic, so a movie critic. What they do is they go watch movies and then they review it. They say oh, this movie was terrible or sometimes they say this movie was very good. So in that situation especially, a critic is not always someone who says something bad. They might actually say something quite good. They might say oh, I loved this movie. The movie is fantastic. So that’s a movie critic. There are music critics. So there are professional music critics. They write about music and they decide this is good, this is not good.

Today, I’m talking really more about the general meaning not the professional meaning. I’m talking more about the general idea of people who criticize and we all have these people in our lives. The reason this is such an important topic is that, in my opinion, fear of criticism is one of the major obstacles, one of the major things that stops us from achieving success in our life.

When I say success I mean any kind of success. It depends on how you define it. I’m not just talking about making a bunch of money or something, which is one idea of success, but I mean just standing out. I mean becoming good at something, innovating, achieving something more than what you are now or who you are now and this fear of criticism is such a major, major, major fear that stops so many people and many times we don’t even realize it’s there.


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I’ll give you an example I use many times, which is this idea of, you know, people are going to judge you. We have this fear that’s been put into us probably from school and many other ways, media, lots of other things, this fear that people are going to be judging us and the true problem with this is that it’s true. I mean, in fact, there are people out there who will criticize you and the more successful you become, the more noticeable you become and therefore the more you will be criticized.

This happens in business. It happens with health and fitness. It happens if you’re an artist. It doesn’t matter what it is. The more successful you become with something the more likely you are to be criticized and the criticism gets stronger and more vocal and more loud as you become more successful. See, if you’re not successful at all nobody says anything usually, right? If you’re just kind of average and not really doing anything, not trying to do anything, not trying to achieve anything, not trying to do anything different, well then you’re not noticed and therefore nobody says much, but if you take a step to try to be different and do something more that’s when people notice.

A lot of times people will criticize out of jealousy. Sometimes people just do it out of habit. The important part for you is to realize that it’s going to happen, but not to fear it and to know how to handle it. See, a lot of people don’t try things simply because of this fear. A lot of people will make excuses. They’ll say oh no, I can’t do it or this or that because they don’t want to admit that they’re afraid of criticism. I was like that myself.

So for a long time as an English teacher I taught in schools. I taught in universities. I taught in language centers, language institutes, lots of different areas and I had a lot of frustrations. You probably know my feelings about normal English teaching. So I had a lot of frustrations and I wanted to teach in my own way. I had this idea of having my own school or my own teaching program and eventually I had this idea of I’ll start my own company, but from when I had the idea to when I actually did it there was a large gap of time and one the problems, one of the things that stopped me was a fear of criticism and I didn’t even realize it.

I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t even admit to myself that I was afraid of this and, yet, when I finally started looking at myself and asking why haven’t I done this yet, why am I still working for these companies and at these schools where I’m not happy, why am I still doing it I realized I was a bit afraid of criticism. My fear was that I would fail. Yes, that’s another fear I’ve talked about in the past, a fear of failure, but the biggest part of that fear was that after failing I would be criticized somehow. My family would be oh, see AJ. You’re always doing these crazy things. You know we told you. You should stay with this good job. Why did you do this? So this was going in my head.

Now, my family actually they’re wonderful and they never would actually do that, but it doesn’t matter. This was the fear in my head and, also, I feared criticism from other teachers, other schools, because I knew that when I was being more safe I could try my




crazy ideas in my class. Nobody really knew about them only my students, but I knew that if I put them out in the world publicly and talked very publicly about it I knew that most traditional English teachers would not like it, not like what I was doing and would criticize me. I knew that school administrators and people like that would likely criticize me and they have, but of course it doesn’t matter anymore, but that fear was there.

So the first step, I guess, if we want to be practical again is that you must look at something in your life that you want to achieve and you really must identify your fear of criticism and you have to be honest about it. You have to say am I afraid of being criticized. Are there certain people I’m afraid are going to criticize me. You also can look at areas in your life where you’re already getting criticism and you need to look at how do you react to it. What’s the normal way you react?

Normally, when we get criticized we react defensively. ‘Defensively’ means in a defensive way. It means you defend yourself. So if someone says AJ, your teaching methods are terrible, they stink, well in the past I might get angry and feel like I have to attack them back, right? It would really upset me and so then I’m constantly worried about what everyone is saying. One person criticizes me in one way and then someone else criticizes in another way and I’m constantly responding and trying to defend myself all the time.

The problem with this is it takes so much energy. All your energy becomes focused on answering the different critics and it’s horrible. The problem with that is then you stop focusing on doing a great job, being creative, doing what you love, instead you’re focused on answering all of these critics all the time. What will eventually happen is this can drain your success. It can weaken your success. It cuts your confidence down. All these things are horrible. So let’s be really practical, how can you handle critics?

The first thing you have to admit is that it’s going to happen. The more successful you become the more criticism you will get. There will be critics out there, so you have to accept that first and not be afraid of it anymore, just accept it. The second thing is how can you handle it, what do you do? So here are a few very practical strategies.

The first one is to fire them when you can. There’s a term called ‘haters’ that’s kind of a slang term now. A hater is someone who’s always saying nasty, negative things. They’re always saying hateful things about other people. Well, in some respects you have control over some of the critics and you can just get rid of them. We do this in our VIP Club all the time. Well, not all the time. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes we do.

If we get a member who comes in and they’re criticizing other members, they’re always complaining, they’re always causing problems, I don’t care about whatever money they’re paying, we just fire them. We say thank you, but you’re not for us. You really don’t belong in this group. You don’t understand what we’re doing. So good luck, find




another teacher and goodbye because I don’t want to waste all my energy and I don’t want our other members to be drained by those kinds of people.

So on our regular general forums in the VIP Club we just fire them. So when you have that ability, do it. And if you have a business you can fire some customers, it’s okay. Some customers are really difficult and demanding and they’re just criticizing and they’re not fair. They seem like they don’t even like you and you really don’t like them, so just get rid of them. It’s not worth it. The money is not worth it, just say goodbye. So whenever you have the power to do so, you can say goodbye to critics.

Now, if someone gives you just some nice helpful advice, that’s fine, but critics usually are not very respectful and they don’t make you feel better. Someone who’s being helpful and trying to help you they build your confidence. You’ll feel more confident after getting their advice. If someone is making you feel less confident, that’s a sign that you can get rid of them.

So, number one, fire them. Fire the critics when you can. If they’re in your own company or in your own organization and you have the ability to, get rid of them. If you can’t actually fire them, you can at least avoid them. That would be the next step. If it’s not possible to totally get rid of them, you can at least limit the amount of interaction you have with them.

If you have like a Facebook page, for example, and somebody is always saying nasty things to you and leaving nasty comments, I’m surprised that people actually do this, even to their friends, but I’ve seen it, just get rid of them. De-friend them or un-friend them, whatever it’s called, or you can hid them from your facebook page. If you have a blog you can just delete the comments. Moderate your comments.

We moderate the comments on our website. If someone has a positive suggestion or a problem that’s genuine and real we’ll leave it on there, that’s fine, but if someone is just being nasty like some other English teaching saying you suck, we hate you, we just delete it. We’re not going to deal with those people.

A third thing to do to kind of balance the critics is to focus on the people who really love what you’re doing, you’re fans. Everyone has them. This, number one, is a great business strategy. You cannot please everyone, so who do you want to focus on. Focus on the people who love what you’re doing. This is also true just in your own job. Focus on working with people who love what you do, who love your ideas, people that you love working with, people who build your confidence and you build theirs, then you’re building on strengths and that will accelerate, that will speed up your success.

It will speed up your improvement. It’s a much, much, much more effective strategy than worrying about the critics and trying to defend against them and answer what they’re




saying. That will just waste your time and it’s horrible. It doesn’t work. We have this idea that we have to correct all our weaknesses, we don’t. It’s okay to have weaknesses. We all have weaknesses. Instead, focus on the people who love you. Focus on your fans. Focus on building that group and making it stronger and stronger and stronger. It’s a much better strategy.

Finally, you can kind of welcome the criticism. Eventually, as your confidence gets a little stronger, you can actually welcome it and see it as a sign of success, see it as a good sign. Seth Godin the Internet Marketing guy talks about this. He says that the worst possible thing is no criticism at all because that means you’re just being ordinary. Nobody cares. So he’s saying that in business the best thing in the world is to have people who love you and others who hate you, to create strong opinions and that companies that do that are actually much more successful because there’s a passion. There’s an energy there.

So, if you’re getting criticized in a strong way and it’s getting stronger and stronger, see that as a good sign. See that wow. I’m creating a stronger emotional reaction. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that is a sign that I’m achieving success, that I’m reaching deeper, that I am connecting more deeply to people, that I’m getting a stronger reaction. Now, if every single person hates you, that might be a bad sign, but usually that’s not the case. Usually if you have people who are very strongly attacking you, on the other hand you have other people who now love you even more and more.

That has certainly been the case with Effortless English. We get more and more stronger attacks from traditional teachers in schools and people who just love grammar and all that kind of stuff. Those attacks get stronger and stronger and louder and louder, but at the same time we’re getting more and more and more members who really love what we’re doing and who are just saying oh, we love Effortless English. I’m getting such great results. So I focus on them and I laugh about these other guys because they’re just complaining and criticizing me and we’re building a really great program and having a good time.

So you can eventually learn to just enjoy that and the final thing you can learn is just to laugh about it. Eventually you can kind of see the critics for what they are. Many critics are not successful themselves. They’re frustrated. They are afraid to take a chance themselves and so instead of doing something themselves they sit back and they criticize and say negative things about other people who are actually trying. While they can be safe and pretend to be an expert or pretend to be important, but they’re not actually doing anything because they’re afraid to.

So eventually you’ll be able to see that in people. Every critic is not like that, but many are and eventually you’ll be able to see that and you can just laugh about it. Whatever




they say, even if it’s really mean and nasty, you can kind of laugh about it and say oh yeah, I see. This poor person, they’re just afraid.

So that’s our little quick strategy. We’ll talk more about it the commentary, more practical ways to deal with criticism and to handle it and to grow from it. All right, I’ll see you in the commentary. Bye-bye.




Critics - VIP Mini StoryHello, this is AJ. Welcome to the mini story this month. Let’s get started. So let’s go back and talk about our heroes Heva the dog and Chim-chim the monkey.

* * * * *

So, of course, Heva and Chim-chim were multibillionaire bankers. First, they started a company selling salsa and then they bought a bank and they became multibillionaire bankers. In fact, they’re so rich that they were tight with the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds and all these other super rich families.

So who were they tight with?

They were tight with the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds.

‘To be tight with’, this is kind of an idiom or slang. It means to be close with someone. As I say this is slang. It’s a very casual use. In fact, in today’s story we’re gonna have a few slang phrases. So to be tight with someone, you can say I’m really tight with him. That means that you’re close, like you’re good friends. I’m really tight with my sister. Meaning, you have a good close relationship. Or you can say I’m not tight with him. I’m not so tight with him. Meaning, your relationship is not so close.

So did Heva and Chim-chim have a tight relationship? Were they tight with the Rockefeller family?

Yes, they were. They were very tight with the Rockefellers.

So did they have a close relationship or not close?

They had a very close relationship with the Rockefellers. They were tight with the Rockefellers.

Were they tight with the Rothschild family as well?

Yes, they were. They were tight with the Rothschild family. They were tight with both the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers.

And who was tight with the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds?

Heva and Chim-chim. Heva the dog and Chim-chim the monkey were very tight with the Rockefellers. They were very tight with the Rothschilds. They had a close relationship with them.




Heva and Chim-chim had a very comfortable life after they became super rich. In fact, they lived constantly in a safe cocoon. Their life was lived in a very safe cocoon.

What is a cocoon? So ‘cocoon’, the direct meaning. ‘Cocoon’ is something, let’s say a caterpillar or a worm kind of. It spins this little house, this little kind of silk house that it lives inside and then, eventually, it comes out and it’s a butterfly, right? You all know the story. The caterpillar eats a bunch of food then he makes a cocoon. He spins this little kind of white house and then he sits in there for a long time and then, eventually, he chances and he comes out and he’s a butterfly.

When we talk about someone living in a cocoon, for example, it’s this idea of a space that is very small and comfortable and safe. So when I said that Heva and Chim-chim lived in a safe cocoon – it’s kind of a metaphor – it means that their life was very protected, very safe.

So did they live in a safe cocoon or were they living a wild, crazy, risky life?

They lived in a very safe cocoon.

Who lived in a safe cocoon?

Both Heva and Chim-chim lived in a safe cocoon.

Did they live in a safe cocoon or did they live a very wild and risky dangerous life?

They lived in a safe cocoon.

They were cocooned with comfort. So, for example, they had a hoard of bodyguards each. Each one had a hoard of bodyguards, chefs, private assistants. They were constantly surrounded by assistants, bodyguards, chefs, all of these things.

A ‘hoard’, by the way, is a very large group of people. It has this sort of idea of a large unorganized group of people. So if I say they had a hoard of assistants, you have the idea of a lot, a large group of assistants, bodyguards. You can picture this whole huge group of people around them all the time.

So did they have just a few assistants or did they have a hoard of assistants?

They had a hoard, a large group of assistants.




Did they have a hoard of assistants or did they have a hoard of employees?

Well, in fact, both. They had a hoard of assistants in their home and, of course, at their companies they had a hoard of employees. They were constantly surrounded by a hoard of people and they especially had a hoard of bodyguards. They were worried about being attacked or someone might try to take their money, so they had a hoard of bodyguards. Everywhere they traveled they were surrounded by a hoard of bodyguards.

Did they have a hoard of bodyguards when they traveled outside of their home?

Yes, they did. They had a hoard of bodyguards. They were surrounded by a hoard of bodyguards everywhere they went.

One day Heva and Chim-chim were talking about their life and Heva sat back and he said “Wow, we’re living the dream. We’re living the dream!”

So this is sort of a slang pop-culture phrase that you hear sometimes. ‘Living the dream’ means you’re living the great life. You’re living a life that most people dream about. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re living your dream. When you say living the dream it means you’re living an image that most people dream about.

So, for example, if you become a famous movie star and you’re driving a sports car and you live in a huge mansion, a huge house and you have servants and everybody loves you then you might say yeah, I’m living the dream or he’s living the dream. So Heva says “I’m living the dream. We’re living the dream.’

So did Heva like their life?

Yes, he did. He was happy. He said “We’re living the dream. We’re living the dream of success that most people have.”

What about Chim-chim? Did Chim-chim feel that they were living the dream? Did Chim-chim feel they were living a perfect life?

No.

What did Chim-chim say?

Chim-chim said “I’m bored off my ass.”

This is another great little slang phrase. Don’t say this in a business meeting necessarily, but you could say this to your friends. You might hear this in a movie. This is another one of these little phrases. ‘I’m bored off my ass’ means I’m super bored. This




is, again, a very casual. It’s very, very, very kind of casual slang phrase. I’m bored off my ass means I’m super bored. You can use it on our VIP site. I’m bored off my ass.

So who was bored off his ass, Chim-chim or Heva?

Chim-chim. Chim-chim was bored off his ass. He was super bored.

Was he a little bored or was he super bored?

He was super bored. He was bored off his ass.

Was Heva bored off his ass?

No, Heva was not bored off his ass. Heva was very content. He was content. He was happy and content. He said “Oh, I’m living the dream.”

Was Chim-chim content?

No, Chim-chim was not content. Chim-chim was bored. He said “I’m bored off my ass. Ah, everything is too boring and predictable.

Chim-chim, in fact, had nostalgia for the good old days of adventure.

So we have a few new words here, new phrases, first is nostalgia. ‘Nostalgia’, this is a very common word. It’s not slang. ‘Nostalgia’ is a feeling of sort of appreciation and even longing for the past. It means you’re looking back at some part of the past or the past in general and you feel this sort of warm, good feeling about it. You miss it. You feel like ah, that was so great.

So, for example, some people feel a lot of nostalgia for their time at school in the past, let’s say university. People might look back and they have all these wonderful memories about when they were in college or university. It was their first time to leave home. They had this kind of freedom, but not much responsibility so they had a lot of fun. Not all people, but a lot of people have nostalgia for that time, a very good feeling about a time in the past. That’s what nostalgia means. So we say ‘to have nostalgia’ or ‘to feel nostalgia’.

So Chim-chim felt a lot of nostalgia for his past, for the good old days. Now that is an idiom. Not really slang, it’s a common idiom. My grandmother might use it or I might use it, so it’s commonly used, ‘the good old days’. Again, it’s kind of nostalgic. ‘Nostalgic’ is the adjective to describe something. It’s a nostalgic phrase, ‘the good old days’. It’s a very general phrase.




So if you talk about the good old days it means the time in the past that was wonderful, but of course that can mean anything. It’s different for each person, but you say oh, I miss the good old days. It means you miss the days in the past where you were most happy. That’s really what it means. The good old days is this sort of romantic idea of some time in the past that was better than now.

So did Chim-chim have nostalgia for the good old days? Did he miss his past, some wonderful time in the past?

Yes, he did. He had nostalgia for the good old days. He told Heva “Oh, I miss the good old days when we were free and we had lots of adventures.”

Now, did Heva have nostalgia for those old times in the past?

No, no, no, no, Heva said “No, I don’t feel any nostalgia for the past. Those were not the good old days for me. They were uncomfortable and scary.” But Chim-chim says “No, no, I feel a lot of nostalgia for the good old days. We were free. We didn’t have bodyguards. We didn’t have all this money. We could do anything we wanted any time. We had so much freedom.”

So which one had nostalgia for the good old days?

Chim-chim. Chim-chim had nostalgia, felt nostalgia for the good old days.

What about Heva, did he feel nostalgia for their old times, their times in the past?

No, no, Heva felt no nostalgia. Heva likes the present.

So which one felt nostalgia for the past?

Chim-chim. He had good feelings about the past. He had nostalgia for their good old days.

Well, Chim-chim finally says “You know what? We need to light a fire under our asses and get out there and have an adventure again.”

This is another slang phrase. Ah, depending on the business you could possible use it in a business meeting. I might, but this is a slang phrase ‘to light a fire under your ass’ or ‘to light a fire under someone else’s ass.’ You definitely will hear this in movies sometimes and it’s something that’s said kind of as a joke, but the meaning is to motivate someone or, in this case, to motivate yourself.




You can imagine this is your ass, your butt, so if you light a fire under it, if you have like a lighter and you put a fire under someone’s butt you’re going to make them jump, right? They’ll jump. They’ll move. This is the image. So that’s the image of it and the meaning is to motivate someone to take action.

We use this when we feel someone is being too lazy or too comfortable or when we feel ourselves that we are being too lazy, too comfortable. Maybe you’re sitting around watching TV all day and you do this many days in a row and then finally you say ah, I need to light a fire under my ass. It means I need to motivate myself. I need to get myself doing something more productive.

So who says “I need to light a fire under our asses?”

Chim-chim says that. So, ‘asses’, he’s talking about both himself and Heva. He feels that they’ve become too comfortable and lazy.

So does he want to light a fire under Heva’s ass?

Yes, he does. He wants to light a fire under Heva’s ass. He wants to motivate Heva to take more risks, to have more adventure, take more action.

Does he want to light a fire under his own ass?

Yes, he does. He wants to light a fire under his own ass too. He wants to motivate himself to be less comfortable, to take more chances, to take more actions.

So what does Chim-chim say? What did he say?

He said “I need to light a fire under our asses. We need to light a fire under our asses. We need to motivate ourselves and have another adventure.”

So he decides we need to sail around the world. Let’s buy a sailboat and sail around the world. That’s what he decided. So Chim-chim decided we’re going to sail around the world.

* * * * *

And that is the end of our mini story. Now, you notice at the end there I actually switched the present a little bit. I wasn’t thinking about it, it just happened. Sometimes this happens in conversations. You’re telling a story in the past and then you switch to the present because the present gives more of a feeling of immediacy. It gives a feeling of a little more action like it’s happening now. It’s a little more exciting and so sometimes it naturally happens. I’ll be telling a story in the past and I’ll switch to the present because




it has a different emotional feeling. I’m getting more excited and then I just switch to the present. Then I might sometimes realize it and oh, no, I just switched to the present and I’ll switch back to the past again.

Now, I only do this for you because you’re learning English and it’s to help you practice. In a normal conversation with another person I wouldn’t even notice. I would just continue speaking in the present or I might switch back and forth sometimes. The point is this is not school. There’s not one right answer. Each one gives a little bit of a different emotion or feeling. I might even change as my own feelings change. They just give a different feeling of being in the story or telling the story from more of a distance. That’s all it is. So don’t worry about that. Just listen to it, answer the questions. I recommend at least 10 times to listen to this mini story. More is great if you can.

All right, see you again. Have a great day, bye-bye.




Critics - VIP POVHi, this is AJ. Welcome to the point-of-view stories. Let’s jump in right now. First we’ll tell this whole story as if it’s happening now in the present, okay?

* * * * *

So Heva and Chim-chim are multibillionaires. They have become bankers and now they are multibillionaire bankers. In fact, they’re so rich that they are tight with the Rothschild family and the Rockefeller family and they live in a wonderful, comfortable, safe cocoon always. Everything is easy for them. They have a hoard of bodyguards, assistants, personal chefs, personal masseuses, but one day they’re sitting around talking and Heva says “You know this is great. We’re living the dream. We’re living the dream life that everyone has”, but Chim-chim he doesn’t agree.

Chim-chim said “You know I am bored off my ass. It’s too easy.” Chim-chim has a lot of nostalgia for the good old days when they were struggling, when they were having adventures and he tells Heva, he says, “Oh, no, I miss the good old days. I have a lot of nostalgia for those days.”

Well, Heva doesn’t agree, but Chim-chim decides that he needs to light a fire under their asses. He said, in fact, “Heva, I’m going to light a fire under our asses. We’re going to have an adventure again” and he decides that they are going to buy a sailboat and sail around the world together.

* * * * *

That’s the end of our first version. Let’s go back again. The second version will start with since. So we’re going to talk a time period in the past, kind of a time period, and then at some point that’s going to change and we’re going to talk about more of a specific time, more immediate and then you’ll notice the change. Don’t think about the grammar terms, just notice it. Here we go.

* * * * *

So since becoming super rich, Heva and Chim-chim have lived a very comfortable life. I mean since becoming super rich bankers, they have had a super comfortable life. They have become tight with the Rothschilds, the Rothschild family, the banking family. They have become tight with the Rockefeller family, another banking family. They have become super comfortable. They have created a super easy life for themselves. In fact, they have lived in a safe, comfortable cocoon. They have surrounded themselves with a hoard of personal assistants, bodyguards, chefs, private jet pilots, a hoard of people.




So they have been living this incredibly easy, comfortable life, until one day they have a conversation. On that day Heva said “Man, we are living the dream.” They’re sitting by their pool and Heva says “We’re living the dream” and Chim-chim said “No, we’re not living the dream. I’m bored off my ass.” Chim-chim, in fact, said that he had a lot of nostalgia for the good old days. He says “I miss the good old days. I miss the good old days. I miss the days of adventure.”

And so Heva and Chim-chim they had a discussion and Chim-chim decided that he needed to light a fire under their asses. He says “I’m going to light a fire under our asses. I’m going to create adventure for us again” and so he went out and he bought a sailboat and he said to Heva “We are going to sail around the world.”

* * * * *

Okay, that’s our second version. Now you notice a couple of times there I switched between the present, past, the present, past. Again, it’s just because part of me wants to use the present because it feels a little stronger, more emotional. It’s better for storytelling sometimes. Then part of me is trying to use the past because it’s a common way that we speak and I want to help you with your English.

The point is neither one is right and neither one is wrong. You could use the present or the past in that situation. So just listen, that’s all you need to do. Let’s go to the future now. Our third version into the future. We’re predicting this will happen. We’re imagining it will happen in the future.

* * * * *

In the future, Heva and Chim-chim will become multibillionaire bankers. They will become super rich and they’re gonna become so rich that they’ll be tight with the Rothschild family. They’ll be tight with the Rockefellers. (‘Gonna’ means going to. We use it casually in the future. Not in writing, we do use it in speech. If you’ve been a member a while you’ve heard me say that many times, but for the new members I have to say it each month. So ‘gonna’ means going to.)

So they’re gonna be tight with the Rothschild family, they’re gonna be tight with the Rockefellers and they’re gonna live in this very safe cocoon. They’ll have a very safe, comfortable life. They’ll be surrounded by a hoard of personal assistants. People to give them massages, body guards, chefs, all of these things and one day in the future they’ll have a conversation and during the conversation Heva will say “Oh, this is great. We’re living the dream”, but Chim-chim will say “No, we’re not. I am bored off my ass. I am so bored.”




So they’ll have a discussion and Chim-chim will talk about his nostalgia for the good old days. He’ll say “I miss the good old days of adventure.” Heva won’t have any nostalgia for the good old days of adventure. He’ll enjoy the present. Actually, the future. He’ll enjoy it because it will be comfortable, but Chim-chim will decide no. It’s time to light a fire under our asses. It’s time for us to be motivated again, so he’ll go out and he’ll buy a sailboat and he’ll decide that he and Heva will sail around the world.

* * * * *

That’s the end of our point-of-view lessons. Just listen to them each month, that’s all you need to do. Just sit back and listen. Notice the changes. Notice how the verbs change a little bit. Notice when I go back and forth sometimes between different verb tenses. Do not get stuck with the idea that there’s one right answer or which one is correct. None of that matters. Just relax and get used to it.

This will go deeper and deeper each month and you will start to use it more correctly, more correctly, more correctly yourself and, more importantly, this will happen automatically. So you’ll start to use English grammar when you speak more correctly and without having to think so much about it. So it can happen more quickly, more effortlessly, more naturally.

Okay, see you again. Have a great day, bye-bye.




Critics - VIP CommentaryHi, this is AJ again. Welcome to the commentary. Let’s start. So let’s continue about this idea of critics, criticism. I think it’s an important topic because it really is something that deeply affects a lot of people, probably all of us, most people at some level. Some people can be very, very intimidated by this, by the idea of criticism, critics, and critics can come from lots of different places.

Some people really worry about critics and criticism within their own family, extended family, you know parents. So I’ve seen this sometimes on our forums, for example, or even on our Effortless English Facebook page, that people really worry about what their parents will think and in some cultures this is even more important. In many Asian cultures, for example, the kids can sometimes be very, very, very concerned about criticism coming from their parents, that if they try something different, if they try to take a risk, that the parents are gonna really criticism them strongly and they might.

I’ve seen this especially with members who maybe want to do something that their parents don’t want them to do. They want to go study abroad and their parents don’t want them to or they want to try a career that’s interesting to them, but the parents want them to do something that’s maybe more traditional and boring. There are lots of different variations of this. So criticism could come from your family.

Criticism can come from coworkers or people within your job or your company. That’s another common source that people fear, especially like a boss. We tend to, I think, fear criticism most from people who we feel are above us or have some power over us. That makes sense. That’s almost survival because they have the power to affect us. So that’s the kind of criticism that is perhaps the scariest, but it’s also the kind that we really must confront most strongly. It’s easy to ignore someone you don’t know, a total stranger, easier at least, but harder when you know them.

Friends can be another source. Now, if you have a friend or certain friends who are always criticizing and who always seem to lower your confidence then my advice would be to find different friends because that’s not much of a friend if they’re constantly doing that. Sometimes we just have friends who are, you know, they’re generally great friends, but still they may have strong opinions about something so if you try to do something different they might criticize you.

Another common reason, sometimes it’s good to understand why someone might criticize you. One reason is some people might be afraid themselves that you’re going to somehow leave them or care about them less. This can be especially true in families and among friends. I’ll give you an example from my own life. After I started Effortless




English and it started growing and becoming bigger and more successful, I started doing better financially and just started having a lot more abundance in my life. Prior to that, I always lived super simply. Still do actually, but I was broke basically. I didn’t have any money at all.

Several of my friends still were in that situation and I think some of them started feeling a little strange and weird as I started to make more money. Even though I didn’t go out and buy a bunch of cars, nothing like that, but just the fact that obviously I was now making a lot more money than ever in the past and they weren’t. I think some of my friends, not all, but a few started feeling a little uncomfortable with that. I think mostly they were just worried that maybe somehow I would change and decide I didn’t want to be their friend anymore or, I don’t know, start playing golf at the country club all the time and ignore them.

So they sometimes maybe gave me a little bit of criticism. I’m not even sure I would call it criticism, but more of I could just sense. I could feel a little bit of a negative feeling or attitude from them and, of course, I still valued them as friends. So that bothered me for a little while, but then using all these things I’ve described and, also, just by relaxing and being myself eventually that just disappeared. They realized ah, no problem. You know, everything is fine still.

So sometimes time will help. This is also very true with parents, most parents. Some parents, I don’t know, I guess some parents will totally cutoff their children forever. It happens, but most parents will get very, very upset for a while and then eventually over time they will come to accept their child’s decision.

I had this with my parents somewhat. With more of my general lifestyle before I started the company Effortless English, I just liked to live a very free kind of mobile lifestyle. I was constantly traveling. I never held one job for a long time because I couldn’t travel. So I would work one job for maybe one year or two years and then I’d want to travel. I’d also get really bored, so I’d quit my job and then I would go off to Japan or go travel in India or live in Thailand.

It seemed very unsettled to my parents and it made them nervous and so I kind of was rejecting to a lot of the more traditional lifestyle that they had chosen and maybe they felt that I was criticizing them in that way. So for whatever reason they were not so happy about it so there was, again, this tension, but time helped. Over time they started to relax. They started to accept that I was not the same as they were and that I didn’t want the same kind of life.

They started to realize well, it seems really risky and unsettled, but AJ seems to be doing okay. It’s working for him. He seems generally happy. So they finally just sort of relaxed and accepted it. They eventually just gave up. AJ is always going to be traveling




around. He’ll never have a good job. He’ll never make any money and then that actually did change too, so I think they’re happy now.

So the point is that sometimes with people who are close to you who are critics, that can feel the scariest and sometimes you just have to accept it. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do to change them, change their mind and there’s nothing you can do to change your feeling about it. You’re going to just, you know, you’re gonna kind of feel unhappy that your parents are upset. You’re going to be unhappy a little bit that your friends are upset, but you have to just keep going forward anyway.

What you have to remind yourself is that with time they will relax. With time they will begin to accept. With time they will see that everything is okay and if they don’t, they don’t. You just have to sometimes agree to disagree. Sometimes you just have to agree we’re different. You don’t like it, but it’s my life. You have to take responsibility for your own life and just sort of ignore or disengage from that criticism.

So that’s the kind of criticism you’re most likely to encounter with people close to you. It usually is coming from some fear on their part. With parents it’s usually that maybe you’re gonna be miserable and fail and they’re worried about you. If they care about you that can be the source of it. Another source of it can be that they fear that you’re going to change as you become more successful and that you’ll leave them behind or that you won’t want to deal with them anymore. That’s another possible thing.

Time is really the best solution to both of those. You still have to go forward. Don’t let it stop you. I’ve seen on our Facebook page sometimes that some people they won’t do things because they’re afraid of what their parents will think and that’s crazy because what your parents really want deep down is for you to be happy and successful and to do that you have to go your own way and take chances.

So that’s one category of critics, those who actually care about you and are close to you and that’s the best way to deal with those. You can also talk to them. If you have a good relationship you can actually just talk about these things. Talk about your feelings, let them talk about theirs. Reassure them. Help them to realize that yes, you understand what they’re saying, that you’re going to be okay, that you still care about them. All that can help.

The other category of critics, which is what I talked about in the main lesson, these are really people who do not care about you. They are not worried about you and your best interest. That’s not why they’re doing it, right? They’re attacking you for other reasons and those reasons are about them. Those reasons are about them wanting to feel more important often times. Those reasons are because they feel that what you’re doing somehow threatens them. Those reasons might be that they’re jealous of you, that they envy you.




There are a lot of different motivations for people who are attacking you or criticizing you. The main thing is you just can’t get worried about it. It doesn’t matter. It’s their problem and you have to move on. When you can, fire them. Get rid of them. Just get them out of your life completely. If it’s on a website comments I’m always amazed when I go to some online community. Any topic, there are always it seems several people who are just mean, nasty people and they’re always saying terrible things about other people. They’re always trying to start fights and I am always amazed that the person who owns the website doesn’t get rid of them. I don’t understand it.

I’ll give you an example, kite surfing, right? I’m starting to learn how to kite surf and I’ve gone to a few kite surfing forums, communities. You know, there’ll usually be about 80-90% of the people are very helpful. You ask a question and they’ll give their advice and they’re wonderful, but there are always a couple people who are mean and nasty and just say really insulting terrible things. It’s obvious that they’re very immature. It’s obvious that they’re trying to make themselves feel better by putting other people down, but what I don’t understand is why the owner or the moderators of the forum don’t just get rid of these people.

I mean sometimes we have this idea that oh, you know freedom of speech and all this stuff. We can’t do that. We have to just let everyone do whatever they want. Well, in public that’s certainly true, but it’s not true in your own business. It’s not true in your own family. It’s not true on your website that you own. It’s not true on your own Facebook page. You don’t have to tolerate these people. Get rid of them. Whenever you can, get rid of them. Get them out of your life.

If it’s someone who was a friend but they’ve become quite nasty and they really are making you feel miserable and unhappy, you don’t have to keep being their friend. Get rid of them. If it’s someone in an online community, get rid of them. Goodbye. That’s what we do and out others members thank us again and again whenever we do this because they always know they have a happy, supportive, friendly place to communicate.

So I think that sometimes we think we don’t have that power when we do. We actually have a lot more power to get these people out of our lives either totally or at least mostly, even in a company setting. Maybe you don’t have the power to fire somebody, but you don’t have to work with them anymore. You can even go to your boss and say you know what? I don’t want to work with this person. I’ll do the minimum, what’s necessary, but I generally don’t want to work with this person. If you don’t want to talk to your boss about it, you can go and talk to other people.

If you have a department or a job where it’s really terrible and nasty and everyone is like that, get another job. Don’t tell them, but go start looking for jobs. Start applying for jobs




while you still have one yourself, so you’ve still got money coming in while you’re job searching in your spare time. So then you find a new job and then you quit the old one. Do whatever you need to do to get away from these really hateful, mean, nasty people.

Then, as I said before, also, the positive side of this is to seek out people who are encouraging. Seek out people who make you feel more confident. Seek out people who are going to support you. If you want feedback then seek out positive coaches who will give you advice, but at the same time they’re going to make you feel strong. They make you feel like you can do it, that you will do it. They make you feel like yes, you can succeed and that you should.

See, good coaches push you to take chances. They push you to try. They push you to do more. Critics try to hold you back. They criticize you for doing more. They criticize you for taking chances. That’s the difference, right? Some coaches can be quite tough and maybe they don’t seem so sweet, but the reason you know that they’re still a good coach is that they’re pushing you to do what you really want. They’re pushing you to try more, be more, take risks, take chances. That’s what good coaches do. Critics it’s quite the opposite.

All right, so, finally, I would like you to just lighten up and relax about it and to trust yourself. This is a theme that we talk about again and again and again, so I think the final piece of this is that you have to learn again to trust yourself. Trust your own vision. Trust your own goals. Even if lots of people are criticizing you, you have to trust in yourself and keep going forward.

If everyone is criticizing you, I mean everybody, especially people you really respect and trust and people who don’t normally criticize you much, then you might stop and consider what they’re saying and really think deeply about it, but when it’s just this kind of criticism from people who are negative or people who are afraid for some reason, like parents or something, then you may hear it, but you need to go forward. You gotta trust in your own vision and just trust that you need to do what’s right for you.

That’s the message this month. I hope you have a great month. Get on our social site. Get on our VIP site, our club site and share your experiences with handling criticism. If you’ve had problems with it, if you fear it, then share that. Tell us about it and maybe we can all share our strategies for how we handle critics and criticism.

Okay, I will see you again. Have a great day, bye-bye.




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· criticism is such a major, major, major fear that stops so many people and many times we don’t even realize it’s there. . I’ll give you an example I use many times, which