CT 4/510: Advanced Interpersonal

Communication

perception and gender

Julia Wood: growing up masculine.

1. Don’t be female!

Patriarchy means that we are ruled by our “fathers.”

2. Be successful.

3. Be aggressive.

4. Be sexual, be a stud.

5. Be self-reliant.

What happens when males don’t measure up?

Julia Wood: growing up feminine.

1. Appearance still counts.

2. Be sensitive and caring.

3. Expect negative treatment by others.

4. Be superwoman.

5. Meaning of feminine is up for grabs. Maybe it is better described as feminines

How to be be a good wife . . .

I want a wife.

J. Krishnamurti once state that relationship is complex and difficult, and few come out of it unscathed . . .

Should we be more androgynous?

Respond to the differences related to choosing and being chosen . . .

Carrie Fisher: “Instant gratification takes too long . . .

Ever been in a relationship that starts with a bang . . .

What happens?

Sometimes we compromise too much to be in a relationship . .

Tannen: males talk to preserve independence, renegotiate or maintain status in a hierarchy.

Females communicate to establish and maintain rapport, connection, relationship

Men talk longer and more often in public.

men report that their best friend is their spouse. Women say their best friend is another woman.

talk is for information

vs.

talk is for interaction

Multi-tasking = several projects going on at the same time

Polychronicity = time is not linear, and people learn to manage projects chaotically

Women keep relationships going through talk.

Men keep relationships going through activity.

men:

• hard to express emotion

• more certain

• talk about business, sports, money

• argue more

women:

• more positive comments

• more person centered

• more fluent

• support more

• may have better managerial skills

• more tuned to nonverbal communication

• more concerned about physical appearance

couples:

• traditional = male dominance

• modern = gender roles change

• traditional male/modern female

• modern male/traditional female

The great male secret.

locker rooms and power

The idea of social exchange is more important to women.

men have lower self esteem than women.

we make more demands on marriage than we used to.

Men are:

Women are:

Men will say women are:

Women will say men are:

Are women naturally naggers?

Think about the notion that gender is less a classification than a continuum

male female

When do gender “differences” become gender “deficiencies??”

Brenda Allen

relational socialization as oppression,

resistance to the “normal” relationship as marginalization.

Feminist Afro-American standpoint epistemology provides a more inclusive look.

It is a particular kind of resource which is both strange and close by.

This perspective can lead to emancipation and social change.

When we look at relational socialization we are in an arena of control, power and resistance.

Anticipatory socialization is what you have learned from life before you go to into a new relationship.

Putnam: A feminist approach treats gender as a lens through which to view relationship, rather than a variable.

It reconstructs trust as trust in the process: occurs before/during/after interaction.

In a feminist relationship we engage each other/ connect.

We enhance our interdependence.

We develop personal relationships.

We build support which enables collaboration.

We develop joint definitions of issues and options.

We foster a dialogic orientation to developing joint sense making.

We view transformation as the desired outcome.

We employ multiple frames: vary figure and ground.

We learn shared stories, and to vary story.

Mumby - reconstruction of power from a postmodern feminist perspective.

Relationship between feminism and postmodernism is the latter undermines the former.

Sense of self in postmodernism is a response to success of capitalism, and very local.

“Death of the subject” means there is no sense of agency at the very time when women are trying to become agents.

We need to open up the notion of subject for reconstruction.

Masculinity is a social struggle, a contested sight. We need to examine the impact of masculinity on relational process.