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Monarchic Anglophilia, GnR at the O.B., Dicks Dohe Chimney
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IsqREPORT
P . O . B o x 2 2 1 1 3 ,OFTEN Iil ERROR - NEVER IN DOABT; s . F . c A 9 4 1 2 2
BRITTANIA WAVES THE RUIJES! THE AIINENBERG-I,IURDOCH TREATY ANDTHE AI{ERTCAN CON\TERSION TO IIONARCHIC AIIGIJOPHIIJTA
Blimey, is that the smell of f ish and chips coming from PennsylvaniaAvenue? Bloody hell , j-s that the Unj-on Jack theyrre raising on CapitolHi l l? WeI l , Yankee, maybe i t ts news to you, but for seasoned media andconspiracy watchers, the placement of rrKingrr George Bush on the presidentialthrone is the i lcrowningrr glory of a 25 year U.K. intel l igence operation thatbegan with James Bond and the Beatles and wil l end this January as Americamakes a shameful and pathetic return to the British Commonwealth.Don' t act surpr ised because werre a l l responsib le for th is no ldy s tate ofaffairs. By benignly accepting our English buddies as peacetime al l ies andcultural consumer cousins, w€ have created the perfect environment for ourQueen-loving conversion and for the ascent of a president who many believeis an out-and-out Brit ish operative.How could i t happen here? The f irst and most important step in this planhas been the capture of the American recording and radio industry. Byforce- feeding a rev is ion is t reading of Amer ican R&B v ia.a musica l assembly
Continued on Page 3
FROM th6 Ed.itorENGIJAND SWINGS Surprised by the NationalEnquirerrs rrscooprt that George Bush is secondcousin to Princess Di? A&R Report readers wereaware s ince last Ju ly of the V-prs UK t inks (seeish 21-, rrReagan, Bush and the rMeat pieScandal r 3 The Truth Behind the Kentucky Fried =---ch icken-H. sar t F ish & ch ips Merger t ) Just in t ime f -or tEe, inauguratlon;blow the l id off the complete election conspiracy with this monthrs covers to ry ( see above ) .BEYOND FINGER FooDs - We warned about the miniaturization of our food supplyand the danger of uncooked foods (see ish 27, rrFrom Donut Holes to Bkitt les:The or ig ins of T iny Foodsrr , and see ish 18, r rNouvel le cu is ine, l t rs . F ie ldsand the Eat-It-Raw Generationrr). This holiday season therers a newdanger - uncooked miniatures. Look for McDonaldrs McTartar (rnini steaktartares, four to a box) and the post-buy-out Nabisco debut of Freeze-Driedsushi Bits. Expect vacuum packed Guacarnore Barls next spring.SEASONS GREETfNGS YTAIJIJ - Christmas comes but once a year but the A&R Reportcomes about I or 9 t imes. So remernber i f youtre looking for a st imulatingstocking stuffer, nothing can beat the thri l l of tz rnonihs of conspiracyfighting dictum! Ask about our special gif t subscript ion rates! i franki foranother record breaking year! (") rgee A&R
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:6o,n'1.IChristmas trees seized T
-p o0PtTEBLA, Mexico - Police and I
forestrv inspectors have seized'more than :i80 illegal Christmas Itrees in a series of raids in markets ,and roadside stalls in Puebla state Ilhis week. the Agriculture Depart- ,rnent said Fridav. I
'I-he department said the trees, I
rnost ly voung p ines. were seized ,when the vendurs could not nr,,- Iduce permits to sell thern as re- 1quired by a law to protect the na-
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Is quitting arter 26 nr"^'"? II
nelprng the need.y d".pi;" ;;; II trom- the mayor,I ers that he ru.onffinor and oth- |, ^ Robert,.Say" IVtclntosh. said he II feels exhausted, unrppr".i"tJinj I
; orsmayed by the growing influence Ir or_ drugs and a disappearing work_ || :11t. among chird*i, ""a lr,?i, p"r- I
ents.I
""'-l'l- ,,ot going to change my I
I mind," he said. .,I'm not thinkin! |I happy this year. I don't deserve to I
1 be Black Santa." It - - - - - l
- -I Christmas tree I
-,j stolen, lights and all I3,
(;RpEr)* BAI, wis. - The ;_ |- -p l r (xr t - ta l l l rvrng Chr is tmas t ree in I3l ( 'ha.rles and Arlene Heraly's tront I
J; ) 'trrcl ri goue - l ights and all. Ir l Vandals chopped down and car_ IHr ..r",] of f rhe spru(.e that the Heralys I' l haci treasurecl lbr a decade sincc Ij ' i heir r hree children gave il I o thern. I
J I )o i ice saic l F ' r ' idav t f r " . . t "ue-n, , Ior susl)e( ls in lVerlnesdav:s theft. .E! .
"\\ e all r,r'atchecl it grow," Ariene Idl !;ar(1. "lt lnealts so rnut.h lo us.'.
l !
Sisters of Mercy has justarrived for a tour of NewZealand.'Iile're shocked but wecan hardly be held respon-sible for the deaths," a band
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Iine -nqTng-fron Lulu to nick AsEfey, Brlt-iniluEnce-d rec execs haverrturnedrt mil l j -ons of white American youth, many of whom are at crucialchi ld-bearing ages. For decades, American youth have been bombarded by aderuge of subLi rn ina l Engt ish messages (e.g. , r rGod save the eueen' ! , t tBuyBr i t ish" , and r rThatcher is Godrr ) carefu l ly layered in to rnu l t i - t rackrecordings. And with the ascent of George Michael on American soul charts,there is evidence that Brit ish penetration has f inal ly glone beyond the whiten idd le c1ass .Second and equally distressing in this Brit ish operation has been thePac-Man l- ike digestion of the American media. This erosion of our FourthEstate is powered and choreographed by a secret treaty executed by formerambassador to Great Britaj-n Walter rrTV Guiderr Annenberg and Rupert rrYou nameit, I own itrr Murdoch. It was this UK-US axj-s which turned the Charles-Diwedding bash into an American media bl i tz and it was this same Fleet Streetconnection that deregulated Arnerican media taste devolving Yankee journalisminto i ts current s tate of tab lo id izat ion (see ish 35: r rNews and Ant i -News:The Catac lysmic crossover of Tr iv ia , Gos.s ip and Enter ta inment" ) .The p ivota l (and f ina l ) s tep in th is Br i t bra in-washing is the Yuppiephenornenon a media ruse conceal- ing our hidden but ever-growing Brit ishtendencies. The smokescreen of Yuppies and Preppies shields the growingThatcher is t ic co lonia l - ism lurk ing behind every F i lo fax owner. I t rs nocoinc idence that the r rYuppierr Mom loves her Made- in- the-UK Br is to l lambrswool card igan f rom Landrs End (and Dad sure l ikes h is L.L. Bean rugby sh i r t )because The Yuppie Iook, is in rea l i ty , the Br i t ish lookFed by a Ferry-cross-the Mersey rornanticisrn, the baby boom has beenhook, I ine and wanker in to a hopeless vor tex of Anglomania. So th isinaugurat ion day, toast the Unj - ted States of Br i ta in wi th a p in t o fb i t ters and some soggy crumpets. Af ter a l l , werre not rea lJ-y los ingyears of dernocracy, w€rre gain ing a royal fami ly ! Hard cheese, oIdP ip p ip and s t i f f uppe r l i p !
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11eY SHARKEI', whol(played TV's toughestIlvillain on Wiseguy,has wed the woman he metwhile battling an agonizingeight-year heroin and alco-hol addiction.
Shaikey gave tris bride a
t[unh gtrh(tnur munugptnmt) fur gunx n,A *nr biue ridrirq of }cqn 6erch + heorl'Jrnql"' beiry plajed rreryloud\ {ro* o pick--up 'lruck. Lqtent hal-Eanqi, 'lrvt"si,- 's,
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rrHe Bores Himselfrt '
Dear A&R:Sometimes when I l isten to whatf r m s a y i n g , I c a n t t b e l i e v e I r ms a y i n g i t . I t s e e m s s oincredib ly bor ing. f t is as i fI have been hired to read thel - i n e s o f t h e w o r l d I s m o s tb o r i n g s i t c o m . W h a t r s w r o n gwi th me? E.R. Muncie
D e a r E . R .Therets nothing wrong with you.A lot of sitcoms are boring butthey a re ve ry popu la r . Donr texpect so much f rom l i fe , andy o u w o n r t b e d i s a p p o i n t e d .Peace.
rrHets Crazy and Dumbrl
Dear AtR:Can dumb people go c.razy or isi t on ly smart people? Peoplet e 1 1 m e I h a v e t w op e r s o n a l i t i e s b u t i f t h a t t st r u e t h e n t h e y m u s t b o t h b eh a l f - w i t s . I t a l k t o m y s e l fbut I donr t understand what l rmsaying. Whatrs wrong wi th me?Black and BIue in nhi l Iy .
Dear B&BThere's nothing wrong with you.Maybe you werenr t f i rs t in l inew h e n t h e y p a s s e d o u tdouble-d ig i t IQs, but you st i l lhave an equal r ight to menta li n s t a b i l i t y . T a k e p r i d e i nyour l in i ta t ions. Good Iuck.
I tghers Beincr Tested r l
Dear A&R:W h e n e v e r s o m e o n e a s k s m e aques t i on , I i ke a t wo rk , I canl o o k i n t h e i r e y e s a n d n i n etimes out of ten f can see thatt h e y k n o w t h e a n s w e r t o t h equest ion. And I can te l l thatthey know that I know that theyknow. So why would they ask methe question? Is this some kindof test? And i f i t is a test , isthe rrcorrectrr answer really ther r r i gh t r r answer? I can r t s topwonder ing whatrs wrong wi th me.Gal Friday, Akron
Dear GF:Therers noth ing wrong wi th you.You need to stop asking so manyguest ions. I t rs t rue people aret e s t i n g y o u r b u t r e m e m b e r ,someone is probably testing thepeople who are test ing you andthen someone is probably testingt h e m . I t r s n o t s o m e t h i n g y o ucan do any th ing abou t . Th inkpos i t i ve l y and don r t be a f ra idto shut your mind off when yout a L k t o p e o p l e , e s p e c i a l l y a twork. Take care.
WIIATIg WRONG WITH YOU?
I f y o u f e e l l i k e s o m e t h i n g r sw r o n g w i t h y o u r s e n d u s y o u rle t ters and we' I l keep then ins t r i c t e s t c o n f i d e n c e ( u n l e s stheyrre so pathetic that we haveto show them to a few f r iendsfor some laughs) . Mai l to A&R,P . O . B o x 2 2 1 - L 3 , S u n s e t , S . F . C A
g\ou' i lauwlp
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HOT & HAPPENING^ lll .$[ Bi4.n s
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Kthord 'Dick^ PelzerIII
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t{eREPORT
NOFTEN lJV ERROR . NEVER IN DOUBT'