Deeply Rooted UPROOTING INSECURITY & PLANTING SECURITY

BETH NAGEL & PAM GEORGE

Definition- What the experts sayThe tendency to feel fearful, anxious, unsafe; apprehension regarding present or future situations or circumstances.

Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.

Insecurity - controlling force that comes up when let fear of something other than God control you. You give the control to someone else.

How insecurity feels – might be triggered by a sense that someone doesn’t approve of you, causes gnawing feeling in your gut that you project by controlling

Insecurity – anxiety, uncertainty, diffidence, timidity, self-doubt, lack of confidence (synonyms)

Beth SharingI am insecure in so many ways – examples of self-talk

When good things happen When I look in the mirror When I make mistakes

I’ve come to realize that my insecurities are sinful

Insecurities are not normal/expected – they are sinful The media and advertisers want us to be insecure as women Our insecurities make us vulnerable and weak to other sins: Lust, Jealousy, Addictions, Hatred, Anger

and idolatry

Insecurity is listening to ourselves/our voices over God’s word; Doubting God’s promises and plans for our lives

Beth SharingWhere did insecurities start?

Genesis 2:15-17 and Genesis 3:1-5

Was Eve’s first sin disobedience or was it insecurity? The Snake said “did God REALLY say you shouldn’t eat the fruit?” Satan planted doubt and helped Eve to hear her own voice louder than God’s

Insecurity is not from God, it is from Satan

We must be vigilant about repenting from insecurity

The Root Research by developmental

psychologist Mary Ainsworth

Three Types of Attachment

Previous research shows that there are three, basic attachment styles; Secure, Anxious-Ambivalent, and Avoidant.

Secure attachment is just like it sounds. It represents a child (and later an adult) who is confident in interpersonal relationships, someone who knows how to be intimate and vulnerable (in a healthy way) without losing himself.

The anxious-ambivalent-attached child (and later, adult) is insecure in relationships, tends to be clingy and nervous of being abandoned or failing to connect successfully with others.

The avoidant-attached child (and later, adult) wants to be in relationship, but tends to act as if he or she could take you or leave you once in a relationship.

Biblical Root -Jeremiah 17:5-6 “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD.6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes.They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives

* Bush in the wasteland – soil dry, parched

* doesn’t recognize God’s workings

The Root –Research based Attachment Style

Parental Style

Resulting Adult Characteristics

Secure Aligned with the child; in tune with the child’s emotions

Able to create meaningful relationships; empathetic; able to set appropriate boundaries

Avoidant Unavailable or rejecting Avoids closeness or emotional connection; distant; critical; rigid; intolerant

Ambivalent Inconsistent and sometimes intrusive parent communication

Anxious and insecure; controlling; blaming; erratic; unpredictable; sometimes charming

Disorganized Ignored or didn’t see child’s needs; parental behavior was frightening/traumatizing

Chaotic; insensitive; explosive; abusive; untrusting even while craving security

Reactive Extremely unattached or malfunctioning

Cannot establish positive relationships; often misdiagnosed

The Fact We are all insecure to some degree.

None of us had perfect parents

God want to be that perfect parent.

What did your insecurity rob you of?Destructive nature of insecurity

* deep relationships

* Opportunities

* freedom

* fun

* intimacy

* the life that God planned for you.

* hinders connection with others – cannot love.

Opposite of love-

Beth’s SharingMy insecurities have robbed me of so much of my own happiness and even doing things I want to do

When I used to Look in the mirror…

My insecurities have kept me in a constant loop of failure

When I look in the mirror now…

Stop talking to myself about the problem and start talking to God!

Rewire our security systems What is the lie that Satan tells us that will make you secure?

If only my husband/children would do this…

If only everyone approves of me….

If only I advance in my career….

Don’t be deceived between security and a sense of accomplishment that is temporary.

Uprooting Insecurity–see handout

Insecurity Sin list – Where do we really put our security? What is your root sin? Our thoughts & attitudes of the heart?

Nine enneagram personality test might give you some insight.

Personality test –.

What are you tempted to substitute for God’s love in an effort to secure your self-worth?

* Perfectionist

*Giver

*Achiever

*Romantic

*Observer

*Dutiful

*Adventurer

*Asserter

*Peace-maker

Clothing yourself with God’s security

The Bible describes a secure woman….

Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;    she can laugh at the days to come.

Psalm 112:7-8

7 They will have no fear of bad news;    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.8 Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.

They don’t give future the right to intimidate them.

Plant Security with God’s Promises…

I, God will… Prefect everything that concerns you (Psalm 138:8)

Work all things together for my good (Romans 8:28)

Contend with those who contend with me (Isaiah 49:25)

Fight this battle for you (2 Chronicles 20:15)

Equip you with divine power (2 Cor. 10:4)

Delight to show you mercy (Micah 7:18)

Meet all my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Give you grace that is perfectly sufficient (2 Cr. 12)

Be your power in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9)

Do more than I can ask or imagine (Eph. 3:10)

Deeply Rooted in His Love Love of God moving from an intellectual belief to an experiential reality that transforms our thoughts and feelings about ourselves.

4 degrees of Love – Bernard of Clairvaux – great Xn leader in 12 th century

1. Love God for our sake – To avoid hell we do the right things – church, tithe, pray etc.

2. Love God for his gifts & blessings- Happy as long as things are going well in our lives. Trials & setbacks come we become disappointed & withdraw from him.

3. Love God for himself alone – Not based on feelings or circumstances but love and trust him for the beauty & goodness of who he is, not for what we can get from him. See our setbacks, sufferings as gifts to strengthen our faith and love for him

4. Love ourselves for the sake of God- the width, length, height & depth of Christ love – a love that surpasses human knowledge-has now penetrated the depth of our being, setting us free from our need to borrow that love from others.

His Love is better than life Psalm 63:3- his love is better than life.

We are ‘love worthy’ because God loves us.

Reflect on the movements of your heart and the love of God. The more you ground your identity in the love of God- the less you will need the approval of man.

Eg. Mary – John 12 – the love to Christ penetrated her inner being that she was able to be herself among intimidating Pharasees, condemning eyes of disciples and just love Jesus.

Secure – trusting in him “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.8 They will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.”

Beth’s Sharing Some practicals

Practice seeing yourself the way that God does (holy, lovely, a friend, a masterpiece, created by God, complete, not lacking anything, perfect)

No self-depreciating humor/sarcasm (no unwholesome talk) Cut down on the amount of media you consume (do not conform to the ways of the world!) Clean out your closet – literally and metaphorically (practice contentment)

References & Further Reading The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk: Conforming Deadly Thought Patterns to the

Word of God By Shelly Beech

No Longer Insecure – Beth Moore

Secure in Heart – Robin Weidner

Confident Woman – Renne Swoope

Emotional Healthy Woman – Geri S