DESCRIPTIVE WRITING

Character

OBSERVATION• Good writing comes from close observation

of people, places, objects, and even our own feelings and emotions.

• Your assessment piece requires you to write a descriptive response to image you have studied in class.

What follows are some examples of descriptive writing which will assist you in responding to that genre more effectively.

WHAT IS DESCRIPTIVE WRITING?

The moon with its wisps of white light hung suspended in the frosty air over the still, quiet countryside. He could see in all directions, from the majestic outcrop of mountains to the vast ocean on the other.

WOW!! The reader can certainly SEE the moon and the countryside. Notice the images of colour and shape.

Descriptive writing focuses on observation, is static, and paints pictures with words.

HERE’S ANOTHER EXAMPLE:

In a large box out in the garage, surrounded by gumboots, shovels and old paint tins, is a scene of joy. The happy mother lies on a tatty red and yellow blanket, her litter at her belly. She licks them, and looks up with watchful brown eyes when we bend over to see. The tiny puppies, blind and almost hairless, scramble over one another, searching for the teats, or sucking hungrily. “Aaaah,” we say. We don’t dare touch yet. But we can’t help but stare. It’s better than TV any day.

• What brings this scene to life?

• Write down the words that help the reader visualise this scene.

AN EXAMPLE OF HOW WE OBSERVE PEOPLE – AT THE

DISCO.The girls stand in nervous clusters, wearing their name brand gear – Rip Curl, Esprit, Billabong, tight tops with

string straps. Little black numbers. The guys have on their best Levis, T shirts, gelled hair.

Theair is full of noise, booming

so loud you can’t hear a word. Rainbow coloured spots cutthrough the haze of smoke

like searchlights, picking up the silhouettes of dancing girls. The boys lean against the walls, sipping Coke,

watching,

or moving across to chatsomeone up. Later, in smallgroups, they’ll pour out into the night street, heading for McDonalds and the scent of hotfries. A good night out.

Try it yourself• Write about people at the mall,

on the train, bus or at the beach. (80 – 100 words).

• Make sure you use descriptive language so that everyone can visualise what you’re writing, and get a sense of the atmosphere.

Word Power• Descriptive writing is writing

with flair. It means using words so that they paint a picture for the reader, but doing so in ways that often surprise the reader. Here are some of the tools available to you:

SimilesComparisons

using the words “like” or “as” ( simile)

• The surface of the moon is like crumpled sandpaper

• I felt as nervous as a fish out of water

• As clear as crystal

MetaphorsComparisons minus

cue words• My tears were a river• I died with

embarrassment• Her heart was on fire• He hit the wall of

exhaustion

AdjectivesWords which describe or

modify nouns • The tall, thin man

entered the spooky room with measured steps. Inside the room deep shadows crouched in wait for him.

AdverbsWords which

describe or modify verbs

• The jets dived steeply out of the sky, tumbling rapidly as they manoeuvered gracefully past each other.

• USE ADVERBS TO DESCRIBE A FIREWORKS DISPLAY. (1 – 2 SENTENCES)

Interesting verbs• It is worthwhile taking the time to think

about the verb for the situation you are trying to bring to life. Often a carefully chosen verb can transform a so-so passage into something quite different.

• He ran.• He jogged.• He fled.• He sprinted away.• He stormed off.

TASK• Rewrite the following

passage, changing each verb to a more interesting one. You might like to check your thesaurus, but be careful of your choice of words:

• The teacher waved at the coach to stop the game. However the coach was interested in the play and didn’t do as suggested. Surprised by this response, the teacher took the opportunity to yell out, ‘STOP!’

CHARACTER, PLACE AND ACTION

• The best descriptions have a focus. They aren’t just lists of everything in the scene thrown together. Try concentrating on character – bring it to life!

Their jeans brushed the polished floor, scuffed running shoes squeaking in unison as the two teenagers crossed the crowded space from the music shop to the food court. One of them, her hair -jagged tufts of red and green, smirked at the looks of disbelief the pointy stud in her bottom lip drew. The other, eyes narrowed and searching, curled his lip in a silent snarl, reached deep into the pockets of his black coat and pulled out a crumpled shopping list.

The girl walked with a swagger that suggested she was not to be crossed. Her eyes were pin-points, and her nostrils flared with disdain at what she saw around her: losers. Everyone round her was a loser, and nothing would change that.

WRITING TASK• PRACTISE WRITING A DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPH

ABOUT the characters.• 200-250 words• Show purpose of audience• Describes “attributes”, “behaviours”, location,

with factual statements• Shows sequence and ordering • Correct paragraphing• Observations about the character • Linking verbs, action verbs• Variety of sentences, complex puncuation• Similes and metaphors