Developing Mental Resilience to Cope with Life Experiences (‘Dis.tress')? BL, Singapore, June 2009

EMOTIONS – ‘LOVE’

Today we Celebrate love; the commitment on love, a union between 2 people.

Growing up, I questioned what love is?Is it a feeling? Or an Action?Is it a hug? Or better yet a present?Over the years I thought I learned though observation and

being a recipient, however being a receipting and observing doesn’t always translate to appreciation and practice.

In the last couple of years I began on a journey; a journey of understanding love...

“Love is patient Love is kind.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Love is a decision not an emotion.” - Ephesians, Chapter 5“To hold one’s tongue in love.” - 1 John 3:18“Learn to forgive in love.” - Acts 17:11“And keep loving someone when the loving feeling has

gone.” - Ephesians, Chapter 5

EMOTIONS – ‘LOVE’ (CONT.)

These things I am only beginning to understand:The Sacrificial love of my parents, all for my

happiness (of late it has been sleep);My In-Laws who cook me amazing meals;My New mother who boils me birds’ nest;Friends & relatives who give their time, listening

ears, some who flew from faraway countries just to be with me on this day; and

People who have shown me love at 1 point or another.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you.I hope that I will continue to learn to grow in and

appreciate love in this new chapter of my life with my new family. From the bottom of my heart, I love you and thank you.

-Shan-

“I AM NOT OK.” – MENTAL DIS…TRESS…OUR HABITUAL REACTION TO LIFE’S EVENTS

• External negative ‘events’ – – Instinctive reaction – Fight or Flight– Survival of self and others (Basic)

• DIS…tress –– Agitation of mind (psychological)– Emotional agitation (emotion - a mental and

physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behaviour)

• Internal negative ‘events’ – – Habitual reaction – Unable to Battle or Flee– ‘the exhaustion funnel’

“Slight pain we can endure but we hope that severe ones will be brief.”

YOU ARE NOT OK

I AM NOT OK

3. Fight ‘Criminal’

I AM OK

YOU ARE OK

Over-Compens

ation

2. Fight Despair 1. Flight Anxiety

Overcompensator

(OC)

Coping Style

Mode

SurrenderCompliant

Surrenderer(CS)

AvoidanceDetached Protector

(DP)

Healthy Adult

WORRY AND ANXIETYSOURCES OF DIS…TRESS

• Worrying:– Is ‘mind-made’.– Is a lasting preoccupation with past or future

negative events:• Reliving the past – remorse, lamentation – diminished

self-esteem• Living out a future – anxiety and fear – confusion

– Can create emotional dis…tress:• Extreme ambiguity creates intolerable anxiety (a

defused feeling) • We develop ways to alleviate anxiety:

– Technology – overcome nature (harnessing for benefit of all)

– Law and rules – relationship with people (values and ethical bahaviour)

– ‘Religion’ – relating to transcendental forces (virtuous and wholesome mind)

UNCERTAINTY AVOIDANCE INDEX

- values for 74 countriesCOU

NTRY

Greece

Uruguay

Japan

South Korea

Germany

US

Malaysia

UK

China

HK

?

RANK

1

4

11

23

43

62

65

66

68

70

74

OUR EXPERIENCE…SHOT BY AN ARROW

• Experience –

• *Labels and Concepts – Coloured by our:– Views and perceptions, and – Intention

“Men decide far more problems by hate, love, lust, rage, sorrow, joy, hope, fear, illusion, or some other inward emotion, than by reality, authority, any legal standard, judicial precedent, or statute.” Cicero

Events

Interpretation*

Habitual ReactionEmotions

Romancing the Emotions

THE PATH TO MINDFULNESSEXAMPLE OF HABITUAL REACTION TO

PROBLEMS

Emotions & Mood

i.e. Grief, Fear and Anger

Anxiety

Dissatisfaction

Despair

SYMPTOMS OF

STRESS

HABITUAL REACTION

Our Habitual ways of solving problems invariably end up making

things worse. E.g. suppressing, finding distractions etc.

Compulsive

Behavior

Addiction

Obsession

Life was to be searched or nothing!But it was

the fear that it was

nothing that drove me forward.

Every encounter

was an encounter

with myself.”- John Le

Carre-

WHY UNSATISFACTORY-NESS WON’T LET GO?

[‘THE EXHAUSTION FUNNEL’, Prof Marie Asberg]

Sleep problems

Lack of energy

Aches and pains

Guilt

Joylessness

Depressed Mood

Exhaustion

MIND-BODY INTERDEPENDENCE…BEING A LIFEGUARD

• Experience – It is both mind and body: – Sustaining Well-being –

• An undefeated mind, and • In the pink of health

• Responsibility – – Mental development– Physical health – Well-being - Both… with an open heart (motivation)

BARE ATTENTION…AN ELEPHANT?

• Consciousness –

– Feeling (pleasant, neutral, unpleasant) ------------------------------------------------------– Perception (coloured by views) – Mental volition (reactive or responsive)– Consciousness

“All action is of the mind and the mirror of the mind is the face, its index the eyes.” Cicero

THE PATH TO MINDFULNESS

Emotions & Mood

i.e. Grief, Fear and Anger

Anxiety

Dissatisfaction

Despair

SYMPTOMS OF

STRESS

HABITUAL REACTION

Our Habitual ways of solving problems invariably end up making

things worse. E.g. suppressing, finding distractions etc.

Compulsive

Behavior

Addiction

ObsessionSTOP!!

TOOLBOX: MINDFULNESS – A PARTICULAR FORM OF AWARENESS

OBJECTIVE: “SETTLING THE MIND IN ITS NATRUAL STATE”

APPROPRIATE RESPONSE…HAVING A RIGHT TEACHER

• Meditation – An endogenous body-mind approach for developing personal resilience.– Calm abiding – composing the mind:

• Chatter • Sloth

– Introspection – insights of nature, relationships and self:• Attachment• Aversion • Self-doubt

• Establishing right mindfulness – – Mindfulness is mental state, characterized by calm

awareness of one's body functions, feelings, content of consciousness, or consciousness itself.

– It is appropriate attention, and involves the qualities of being:

– Mindful (keep remembering) – Alert (clearly knowing) – Ardent (effort with skill)

“A mind without instruction can no more bear fruit than can a field, however fertile, without cultivation.” Cicero

THE PATH TO MINDFULNESSEXAMPLE OF HABITUAL REACTION TO

PROBLEMS

Emotions & Mood

i.e. Grief, Fear and Anger

Anxiety

Dissatisfaction

Despair

SYMPTOMS OF

STRESS

Suspend judgement temporarily

Open-Mindedn

ess

Compassion for

Self

Patience

Engage wholeheartedly in the practice with gentle persistence.

A TASTE OF MINDFULNESS

• How? – It is purely experiential (just being), and – Being engaged in introspection (going ‘inside’).

• Function: – To disengage the pattern of mental activity (processes)

by severing the link between -• Mood (mirage-like) and negative feelings• Unpleasant emotion and depressive state of mind (illusion-like)

• A Taste of Mindfulness

CHANGE IS POSSIBLE – PROCESS WORK…FROM HABITUAL REACTION TO APPROPRIATE ATTENTION

• Developing mental resilience (“plasticity is an intelligence factor that determines the ease of changing ones perception of a situation for finding a new solution to a problem”) and overcoming mental rigidity (lack of plasticity) through:– Mindfulness cultivation– Meditation on the ‘Four Immeasurables’:

• Attenuating self-centered-ness (‘I’) -– Attachment– Aversion

• Loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity

– Managing polarities:• ‘Yin and yang’, ‘chi’, ‘prana’• Realign and unite body, mind and spirit – eg yoga, tai

chi, TCM

HINDRANCES TO CONCENTRATION

• Overcoming the five hindrances to developing appropriate attention:– Sensual desire (attachment,

obsession)– Ill will (aversion, lacking goodwill)– Sloth and torpor (dullness, apathy)– Restlessness and anxiety (out there)– Doubt (causality, present moment)

THE BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESS

A PROCESS CHANGE

i.e. feelings, thoughts,

behaviour and attitude

DEVELOP RESILIENCE AND WELL-

BEINGi.e. confidence,

good health, etc.

GRADUAL CHANGE FROM HABITUAL BEHAVIOUR

CULTURAL ORIENTATION[RICHARD E. NISBETT]

• EAST– Self-control

– Family and friends– Member of collective

social network– Harmony– Holistic - Senses and

interdependence– ‘Tao’ and change– Logic - Linear and

either/or

– No mind - analogue

• WEST– Control of others and

environment– Plays and poetry– Individual talent and

agency

– Liberty– Atomized - Form/ideas

and reality based on attributes

– ‘Soul’ and static– Logic - Cyclical and

both/neither– Mind - digital

MINDFULNESS TAKEAWAY

2.BODY ACTIVITY

Eating mindfully

3.MINDThoug

hts using

analytical

approach

4.INTERDEPENDEN

CY

1. BODY SENSATIONSScanning and Breath

MINDFULNESS TOOLBOX

“Simplicity is the most difficult thing to secure in this world. It is the last limit of experience and the last effort

of genius.” [George Sand]

EQUANIMITY……WHAT IS THE TASTE OF SALT?

• To have evenness of mind under stress

• A habit of mind that is only rarely disturbed under great strain

• To be free of emotional and mental agitation by an effort of will or as a matter of habit

• To be cool and steadfast under strain

"I am angry and resentful, because I feel rejected, offended, betrayed, sidelined, outcast, annihilated...... unloved and unappreciated. "

Ayya Kema“A life of peace, purity, and refinement leads to a calm and untroubled old age.”

Cicero

HOW DO I KNOW I AM MAKING PROGRESS?

Taking responsibility for one’s own

deeds(accountability)

Being free of fear

(selflessness)

OUR DAILY LIFE… FREE TO DECIDE…AN OSTRIDGE

• Body –– Seeing, listening, smelling, touching, tasting– Driving, teaching, authoring, movie making– Walk, jog, swim, sport, rock climb, yoga, tai chi, silat,

pilates– Read, music, paint, sew, cook, parenting, care-giving, acts

of charity – A small act of random kindness

• Speech – In conversation

• Mind – Thoughts and Intentions

• Rest and sleep – – Does the mind ‘rest’ in sleep?

MINDFUL AWARENESS INCREASES CHILDREN’S

CAPACITY TO EXPERIENCE LIFE• What mindful awareness can do for children?

– Help them see their life experiences clearly– Help them look at inner and outer life experiences objectively

and better understand what’s happening– Provide skills to react and respond to life experiences in a

positive way and conducive to personal and social well-being• Outcomes of Mindful Awareness Practice:

– Leading an ethical life putting the needs of others first and provide for their happiness

– Ability to deal with our negative thoughts and emotions– To acknowledge our responsibility to all others, now and in the

future (environment)– Cultivate full potential qualities of kindness, compassion,

patience, tolerance, forgiveness, humility

RISK CONSIDERATIONS

• ‘Flooding’, or the experience of emotions that are too difficult to process on your own

• Skills in attention and concentration can lead to an over-developed competitive and materialistic drive

• Introspective skills can lead to a tendency to withdraw from life experience (cynical and aloof) as opposed to fully engaging in it

• Suppression of difficult emotions as opposed to awareness of them can be a byproduct of a misunderstanding of the process of mindful awareness

[Susan K Greenland]

CLINICAL INTERVENTIONS INCORPORATING MEDITATION

Some well-known techniques to reduce pain, stress and social anxiety

disorders, regulate emotions, and increase well-being:– Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, Jon Kabat-

Zinn (30 years) • A technique combining mindfulness practice and yoga to

reduce stress (emotional) and chronic pain – Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, Segal,

Teasdale, Williams• A method of psychotherapy which blends features of cognitive

therapy with mindfulness techniques to help prevent relapse into depression

– Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, Marsha M. Linehan• A method that combines standard cognitive-behavioral

techniques for emotion with concepts of mindful awareness and acceptance to help borderline personality disorders

– Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Hayes, Strosahl, Wilson

• A clinical practice incorporating mindfulness techniques

EMOTIONAL REGULATION AND SELF PROCESSING

Some Research Findings of Clinical Interventions Incorporating

Mindfulness: – Enhancement of emotion regulation – cognitive,

attention (alerting, re-orienting, executive control), distraction

– Enhancement of Self Processing – reduction in neural bases of analytic/narrative self –

• Analytic/narrative self – past- future oriented, fixed self-concept (conceptual notion), rumination

• Experiential self – present moment focused, continuously changing experience of self, reduced over-generalized memory, i.e. reduced depression (over-coloured past experiences – lose specificity), and anxiety

Watkins and Teasdale]• Neural synchrony of brain systems (considered by some to be

the neural correlate of consciousness)

CLOSING REMARKS

• Sources of dis…tress• Symptoms of dis…tress• Compassion for Self • Personal well-being • Mind and body• Listen… mindfulness• Therapeutic alliance• Beginning and end• Referral framework• Walk the talk – be happy, smile