Development of SelfDevelopment of Self

• Attachment, connectedness

• Autonomy, independence

• Biological birth

• Psychological birth

Margaret MahlerMargaret MahlerSeparation-Individuation ProcessSeparation-Individuation Process

The psychological birth (the birth of the self)

is a slowly unfolding intra-psychic process

Intra-psychic processes

Separation - Individuation

1- symbiotic phase 0-3 months

2- differentiation phase 4-10 months

3- early practicing phase 10-12 months

4- practicing phase 12-18 months

5- rapprochement phase 18-24 months

6- consolidation phase 24-48 months

Symbiotic Phase (0 - 3 months)

Infant cannot differentiate between “I” and “not I”

Differentiation Phase (4 - 10 months)

Infants begins learning about own body and mother’s body

Infant begins making distinctions between:

– internal sensations and perceptions of the external world

– “I” and “not I”

Hatching

Early Practicing PhaseEarly Practicing Phase (10 – 12 months)(10 – 12 months)

crawling - walking

• Can initiate separations from mom

• Increased body differentiation

• Special bond w/mom is formed

Transitional ObjectsTransitional Objects

• It is not the object that is important

It is the nature of the child’s relationship to the object

• An intermediate station between the world of illusion and the world of reality

Practicing Phase (12 – 18 months)

Walking

• Discovering the world, mastering

• Exhilaration, delight, thrill

• Focus on own expanding abilities

• “I am POWERFUL”

Practicing Phase (12 - 18 months)

PARENTS’ job:

Allow and enjoy child’s increasing capacity to operate at a distance from them

Self-RecognitionSelf-Recognition

Perception of self as a separate being, distinct from other people

Self-RecognitionSelf-Recognition

It presupposes a basic sense of identity

The Emerging Self in ToddlerhoodThe Emerging Self in Toddlerhood

• Recognize themselves in photographs

• Use their own name & personal pronouns

• Self-conscious emotions (e.g., shame, embarrassment, pride)

The Emerging Self in ToddlerhoodThe Emerging Self in Toddlerhood

““MINE! MINE! MINE!”MINE! MINE! MINE!”

Establishing boundaries between self and other

Towards end of practicing phase(15-18 months)

World expands + I can do it all =

= I’m great, life is great!

…but, oh my, I can’t really do it all, and where is my MOMMY??!!

Rapprochement Phase (18-24 months)Rapprochement Phase (18-24 months)

Increased sense of separateness

Will my mom be here for me…?

• Reappearance of separation anxiety, clinginess• Need to consolidate separation & individuation• Ambivalence • Neediness and clinging- Escalating demands for autonomy- Screaming and tears

Rapprochement crisis

Rapprochement Phase (18 - 24 months)

PARENTS’ JOB:

If parent gives in to clinginess stifles child’s need for independence

If parent rejects clinginess overlooks child’s need for connection and security

So what’s a parent to do…?

Rapprochement Phase (18 - 24 months)

Tolerate ambivalence and negativism

Respond flexibly to conflicting demands

GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER

Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.)Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.)

• sense of separateness

• sense of individuality

• need to assert own will

• wish to please parent

Early separation anxiety Anxiety over losing mom’s love/approval

PARENTING TODDLERS

The challenges of toddlerhood—negativism, defiance, temper tantrums, no-win situations—are not only inevitable but valuable experiences for toddlers, in the process of becoming individuals aware of their own needs and the needs of others

NOOOOOO !!

Parents: • you can’t eat the dirt from the plants no matter

how yummy it tastes• you can’t fed pancakes to the VCR• you can’t pull the cat’s tail• you can’t hit me when I tell you “no”

NOOOOOO !!

Toddlers:• I’m not your clone• I won’t relinquish my sense of myself to

do what you want me to do

“I wannit, I needit”

• Toddlers desire things w/passion & urgency

• The world doesn’t always yield

Temper Tantrums

Oh no, my will does not reign supreme!!!!

This realization is essential for living within a family

Temper Tantrums

• Healthy development: help toddler learn that frustration, anger, and despair are part of the human experience and do not lead to lasting emotional collapse.

• Emotional cost: toddlers are scared of displeasing parents (losing their love & approval).

Parent as the secure base from which toddler explores not only “the world”, but also the wide range of feelings.

““Even when I am angry with you, Even when I am angry with you, I still love you!I still love you!””

CYCLES OF DISAGREEMENT AND RECONCILIATION

Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.)Consolidation of Individuation (2-4 yrs.)

PARENTS’ job:

Cycles of disagreement and reconciliation:

the cornerstone of the toddler’s psychological growth

from “SECURE BASE”

to “PARTNERSHIP”

PARTNERSHIP

• Partnership is unequal: the parent is raising the child.

• Parental firmness and boundaries give toddler the freedom to explore.

• Partnership results in more complex sense of security.

Self Concept

A set of beliefs about

one’s own characteristics

Self-ConceptSelf-Concept

LEVEL PHYSICAL ACTIVITY SOCIAL PSYCH

CATEGORICAL (4-7 YEARS)

I have blue eyes

I play baseball I’m her friend I am smart

COMPARATIVE (8-11 YEARS)

I’m bigger than most boys

I’m not so good at math

I’m a better friend than most

I’m not as smart as most kids

INTERPERSONAL IMPLICATIONS (12-15 YEARS)

I’m blond which is good cause most boys like me

I play well so all the teams want me

I’m honest so people trust me

I’m smart so kids come to me with their problems

In sum…

Categorical

Comparative

Interpersonal Implications

• Make few generalizations• Unrealistically positive self-descriptions

• Use higher-order concepts that integrate more specific behavioral features

• Coordinate opposing self-representations

• Think about how they affect others and others affect them

• Focus on abstract characteristics• Conceive of multiple selves