Different causes and Crisis in family matters

Reason is either both couples or one of them:1. Divine punishment2. Difference in religion or sects3. Psychological elements4. Not abiding with clause of marriage5. Discovery of an ailment in spouseReason for crisis are others (parents)6. Parents7. Others

Divine Punishment

Punishment for illegal carnal desires before marriage and not

having a chaste spouse

Punishment for lack of knowledge about the commands of God and

not acting upon it.

Punishment for straying off from the remembrance of Allah

Punishment for sins and disliked acts

Difference in religions or sects

Compromise in religious practices

Psychological Elements• Carnal Desires شھوت جنسی

• overzealous بے غیرتی یا غیرت بے جا

• Not being contentحرص و عدم قناعت

• Stubborn & Unreasonable لجالت

• Low temperament زود رنجی• Unapologetic behavior• High Expectance توقعات زیاد

• Suspicion and obsession سوء ظن و وسواس

• خ(لق Bad behavior سوء

• Miserly(سیس

• Arroganceتکبر

Not abiding with the clause of marriage

contract•One can add extra conditions in the contract, and its wajib to abide with it.•For ex: a woman can stipulate that husband can’t marry another without permission.

Discovering ailments in spouse after

marriage

•In certain cases it nullifies the contract on its own.

Parents

For your betterment

Not for your betterment

Other than Parents

For your betterment

Not for your betterment

God has devised laws for everything• Laws exceed from before birth until after death • There are about four thousand laws pertaining to ṣalāt

االاف حدود للصالة قال الصادق )ع(: • (۲۷۲ ص ۲)الفروع من الکافی، جاربعۃ • Zurarah ibn Ayun narrates: Once I said to Imam Sadiq (as) that I

have been asking about Hajj related issues for almost forty years and you keep answering them. Imam replied: Sacred center which has existed two thousand years prior to the existence of Adam, you want its laws to end in forty years?

خلہ فی اربعین عاما )وسائل الشیعۃ ج • یی مسائ یفی عام ترید ان تفن یم بال ااد یDE الیہ قبل خح تت ص ۱۱یا زرارۃ بی۱۲)

• For eating there are more than one hundred laws in Islam• For sleeping there are more than thirty recommendations• Going to washroom there are about thirty laws.

Reason is either both couples or one of them:Divine punishment

ه� • ����ن� الل ول إ ���ق م�ع&ت ه ي ���ال� س ���ر+ ع ق ����ي ج�ع&ف ب� &س+ ع�ن& أ &ن� ق�ي ر� ب ���ع�ن& ع م

�ه� و� ��اب �ت ل��ه �ف�ي ك &ز� �ن �ال� أ ة إ ���ي�&ه� األ& م �ل �ح&ت��اج إ : ي &ئا �ي ���م�& ي��د�ع& ش ا�ل�ى ل ���ع ك� و� ت ���ب��ار ت Dل �د ���يال: ي �د�ل �ه &��ي ل� ع�ل ��: و� ج�ع د�Gا ��ي&ء+ ح ��لJ ش ��ك ل� ل ��� ص و� �ج�ع��ه ول �س �ر� ه ل ���ن �ي ب

&ح�د� ح�دGا )الكافي ج �ك� ال �ع�د�ى ذ�ل &ه� و� ج�ع�ل� ع�ل�ى م�ن& ت �ي (59ص 1ع�ل• Person by the name Umar ibn Qays said I heard Imam Baqir (as)

mention: Allah has not left out anything unaddressed which is a necessity for the people. It is either mentioned in Quran or explained through His Messenger. He has explained the limits of everything and mentioned its reasoning. Moreover, He has mentioned the punishment for those who transgress these limits.

• According to Quran sin (ذنب) means that which has repercussion. • A sinner thinks after his sin he is done, but according to Awliya Allah,

with sin start the evil consequences which sometimes affect that person, his family, his society and continues in Hereafter.

• Some sins have worldly punishments along with after Resurrection.

Sins that result in the wrath of the Hereafter

1. Not keeping up with prayers2. Not paying poor rate (khums & Zakat)3. Causing corruption in society

• Qة� ه�ين �ت& ر� ب �س� �م�ا ك �ف&س+ ب �م�ين� ٣٨﴿ك لD ن &ي ص&ح�اب� ال� �ال� أ ﴿ إ ﴾ ف�ي ٣٩﴾

اء�ل ون� �س� �ت �ات+ ي ن &م ج&ر�م�ين� ٤٠﴿ج� ﴿ ع�ن� ال �ك م& ف�ي ٤١﴾ �ك ل ﴾ م�ا س�ق�ر� Jين� ٤٢﴿س� &م ص�ل �ك م�ن� ال �م& ن ﴿ ق�ال وا ل �ك ن ط&ع�م ٤٣﴾ �م& ن ﴾ و�ل

ك�ين� &م�س& �ض�ين� )مدثر(٤٤﴿ال &خ�ائ �خ وض م�ع� ال �ا ن ﴾ و�ك ن• About the criminals, (41) [And asking them], "What put you into Saqar?"

(42) They will say, "We were not of those who prayed, (43) Nor did we used to feed the poor. (44) And we used to enter into vain discourse with those who engaged [in it],

4. Killing a soul [except when it’s permissible and done for justice]

�د:ا ف�يه�ا )نساء ال �م خ� ه�ن اؤ ه ج� �ع�مJد:ا ف�ج�ز� :ا م ت �ق&ت ل& م ؤ&م�ن (93و�م�ن& ي• But whoever kills a believer intentionally - his recompense is Hell

Sins that result in the wrath of the Hereafter

5. Usurping the wealth of an orphanا • �ار: �ه�م& ن &ك ل ون� ف�ي ب ط ون �أ �م�ا ي �ن &م:ا إ �ام�ىp ظ ل �ت &ي م&و�ال� ال

� &ك ل ون� أ �أ �ذ�ين� ي �ن� ال  Pإا )نساء ع�ير: �و&ن� س� �ص&ل ي (10و�س�

• Indeed, those who devour the property of orphans unjustly are only consuming into their bellies fire. And they will be burned in a Blaze.

6. Consuming interest�ط ه • ب �خ� �ت �ذ�ي ي �ق وم ال �م�ا ي �ال� ك �ق وم ون� إ �ا ال� ي ب Jك ل ون� الر& �أ �ذ�ين� ي ال

�ا ب Jل الر& &ع م�ث �ي &ب �م�ا ال �ن �ه م& ق�ال وا إ ن� �أ �ك� ب &م�سJ ذ�pل &ط�ان م�ن� ال ي  Pالش� P 

�د ون� ال �ار� ه م& ف�يه�ا خ� ص&ح�اب الن� �ك� أ pئ ��  P…..و�م�ن& ع�اد� ف�أ ول

• Those who consume interest cannot stand [on the Day of Resurrection] except as one stands who is being beaten by Satan into insanity….But whoever returns to [dealing in interest or usury] - those are the companions of the Fire; they will abide eternally therein. (2:275)

7. Committing Adultery (Surah Furqan 68-70)

Some intangible worldly punishments1. Age of person is decreased (No Qiyas)

ااجال و من یعیش بالاحسان اکثر ممن یعیش قال الصادق )ع(: من يموت بالذنوب اکثر ممن یموت بالبالاعمار

• People who die early because of their sins are more than those who die of natural death, and people who because of their good deeds live longer are more than those whose long life was predestined.

• Imam told a person who was walking ahead of his father and had his hands on his shoulder, that: ن امام ابیک، لا تجلسEی یی لا تمشقبلہ، لا تدعہ باسمہ

• Allah just took thirty years from your life2. Tawfiqat (some good omens are taken away)

یۃ اللیل خم صلا خیحر یف یب یEذن خب ال نن خیذ یل Eن الرجل : ا امام صادق3. Insan is unable to taste the pleasure of worship/prayers

یج من • خا(ر ۃۃ ان خcوب خع خEد من سبعین لل بعلمہ اش تf بعالم غیر عام ین ما انا صان Eن اھو (دا بہ حضرت داود )ع( وحی کرد: ایۃ ذکری۔ قلبہ حلاو

Some tangible worldly punishments • Some sins decrease sustenance (روزی)• One who taunts others will be taunted back�ي�ك �ل &ت �ب �ه و� ي ح�م�ه الل �ر& �خ�يك� ف�ي �أ �ة� ب م�ات �ه� ص ال� ت ظ&ه�ر� الش� س ول الل ق�ال� ر�

Do not taunt anyone for their work because Allah will give excuse him from that and give it to you.

Unlawful relationship before marriage

• Good people are attracted by good people�ين� Jب �لط�ي �ات ل Jب �ات� و�الط�ي �يث ب &خ� �ل �يث ون� ل ب &خ� �ين� و�ال �يث ب &خ� �ل �ات ل �يث ب &خ�   ال

��ات Jب �لط�ي Jب ون� ل (۲۶ )نور و�الط�ي• Indecent woman are for indecent men and indecent men are

for indecent woman. Decent women are for decent men and decent men are for decent women.

�ال� • �نك�ح ه�ا إ �ة ال� ي �ي ان �ة: و�الز� ر�ك و& م ش&� �ة: أ �ي ان �ال� ز� �نك�ح إ �ي ال� ي ان الز�

�ين� &م ؤ&م�ن �ك� ع�ل�ى ال م� ذ�pل Jو�ح ر Qك�ر و& م ش&� ان+ أ (۳ )نور   ز�

• No one should marry a fornicator except a fornicatress or a pagan woman. No one should marry a fornicatress except a fornicator or a pagan man. Such (marriage) is unlawful to the believers.

• Here we run into a question about the marriage of Prophet Lut and Nuh, why did they marry such women?

�ح&ت� • �ا ت �ت �ان ت� ل وط+ ك� أ ت� ن وح+ و�ام&ر�

� أ وا ام&ر� �ف�ر �ذ�ين� ك Jل �ال: ل �ه م�ث� ب� الل   ض�ر��ا �اد�ن ب �&ن� م�ن& ع &د�ي :ا ع�ب &ئ ي �ه� ش�� &ه م�ا م�ن� الل �ا ع�ن �ي �م& ي غ&ن �اه م�ا ف�ل �ت ان &ن� ف�خ� ي �ح� ص�ال

�ين� ل ��ار� م�ع� الد�اخ و�ق�يل� اد&خ ال� الن• God has told the disbelievers the story of the wives of Noah and Lot as a parable.

They were married to two of Our righteous servants but were unfaithful to them. Nothing could protect them from the (wrath) of God and they were told to enter hell fire with the others. (Tehrim 10)

Here its obvious that these two wives were not unfaithful from the point of illegal relationship, rather they spied on their husband and worked in the favor of unbelievers.

&ن� ل�ي ع�ن�د�ك� • بJ اب �ذ& ق��ال�ت& ر� ع��و&ن� إ ت� ف�ر&� أ Jل��ذ�ين� آم�ن� وا ام�&ر� �ال: ل �ه م�ث�� ب� الل و�ض��ر�

�م�ين� � ال�ظ�ال &ق�و&م �ي م�ن� ال �ن Jج� �ه� و�ن ع�و&ن� و�ع�م�ل �ي م�ن ف�ر& �جJن ��ة� و�ن ن &ج� :ا� ف�ي ا�ل &ت ��ي ب• To the believers, as a parable, God has told the story of the wife of the Pharaoh who

said, "Lord, establish for me a house in Paradise in your presence. Rescue me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the unjust people.

Whereas wife of Firon didn’t accept Moses at the time she married Firon, actually Musa wasn’t even born at that time, later she brought Iman in him.

Some sexual deviations• Self gratification• (involves animal) ناکح البھیمۃ• same sex marriage لواط• Adultery زناSome elements which drag Insan towards sexual

deviations1. Dealing with haram music (listening, playing)

خرقیۃ الزنا۔• dealing with haram music leads to adulteryقال الرسول )ص(: الغناء

2. Thinking about unlawful sexual desiresیی بن مریمفقال• إن موسى نبي الله ع أمركم أن ال تزنوا و أنا آمركم عیس

أن ال تحدثوا أنفسكم بالزنا فضال عن أن تزنوا فإن من حدث نفسه بالزنا كان كمن أوقد في بيت مزوق فأفسد التزاويق الدخان و إن لم

(۳۳۱، ۱۴ )بحار الانوار يحترق البيت • Its like building a fire in a house painted white, even if he doesn’t burn the

house least it will affect the white paint.

نامحرم .3 با Being alone with non-Mehram (لوت4. Looking at non-Mehram and watching indecent movies

ی : العین برید الcلب • قال عل• in Arabic literally means mailman/postman, here it does the برید

job of a spy, transferring information.ینة• tت نف یvا نب نح یصا نل یvا نب یفى xی یو yی یو vت یEش یvا ال نب نح یصا نب تل یق نفي خع یر تز یت یvا Eن ی ن}ا یف yی یر ت| Eن ی یو ال تم xخ E{ا ی ن}ا یو عیسی بن مریم )ع(:

• Beware of looking at non-mehram as it plants a seed in the heart, which paves the path for corruption

یلة• نو{ ی~ yۃ یر تس یح تت ی� یر تو ی�ا yل یر ت| ین تن نم تم xی یو تم خمو تس یم یس نلي تب ن}ا نم یvا نس تن نم تم vت یس خر ی| Eن ی امام صادق )ع(: ال• A stare is an arrow from the arrows of Iblees thrown towards you, a stare

which will be followed by a long grief.

یجل• یو Eز ی یع ن� Eل ی نر ال xت نذ تن یع تم خ� یل یغ تش tی یف یvا یل ت� خس ی�ا خ�و تع خت یلا یف نن تي یع تل ین ا نم ۃا ت�ر خش یEل یق ی�ا تء تي یش نن ید یب تل نفي ا یس تي یل امام علی: • Nothing is more greedy and thankless than the eyes among organs,

therefore beware and not fulfill all of its requests. It will derive you away from the remembrance of Allah.

Some related issues

Mixed gathering

Difference in religion or sects• A Muslim woman cannot marry an unbeliever regardless if

that person is Ahle Kitab, apostate (Fitri or Milli)

Differences for not adhering to the religion

Psychological elements: Carnal Desires

• Illicit relationships before marriage• Lack of piety after marriage in controlling carnal

desire• Some causes of decreased carnal desires:1. Economic issues: Financial problems, unemployment, overtime

all result in destabilizing healthy relationship between husband and wife. Fear and anxiety make their way in the house because of financial insecurity. As a result spouses become aggressive towards each other.

2. Physical and mental fatigue

3. Negative thoughts

4. Being Unfaithful

5. Fear and debate over having children

Nerveless and ill-fitting honor

What is غیرت?• Allah has given us a power called anger. Which can react in

different places where it should defend from that which should be defended. Reaction to this defense in specific matters is called غیرت in religion.

Levels and stages of غیرت1. (اص is at ناموس Anger in places where honor :(Specific honor) غیرت

stake, Allah as given this power to the people so that relations are preserved.

2. عام Getting angry for everything which :(Common honor) غیرتbelongs to him. Defense from wealth, honor, life, city, boundary…

3. تر عام Aside from the abovementioned, becoming angry for the :غیرتloss of others, others’ rights, religious rulings. Defending the rights of weak and oppressed.

• Example of غیرتfrom honorable people:

Eدھا رسول اللہ تخرج لیلا والحسن عن یمینھا • ملسو هيلع هللا ىلصکانت زینب اذا ارادت الخروج لزیارۃ جخربت من الcبر الشریف سبcھا امیر المومنین والحسین عن شمالھا و امیر المومنین امامھا فاذا ق

تد الی شخص زینب Eرۃ عن ذلک فcال ا(شی ان ین|ر اح خہ الحسن م خل �ا فا(مد ضوء الcنادیل فسQ: If Imam Ali was so brave and غیرت why did he allow people to enter با

his house by force, and in result Hazrat Fatima got injured?

A: Although Allah says: ھلکۃtال الی بایدیکم تلcوا and protecting ones life is لاwajib, but if another wajib which is more important—protecting the religion—it must be given priority.

• Dispraising lack of honor:

ملسو هيلع هللا ىلصرسول اللہ : الغیرۃ من الایمان و المذاء من النفاق•غیرت علامت ایمان ہے، اور بے غیرتی علامت نفاق•

• Effects of ill-fitting honor غیرتی بی• Imam Sadiq (as): A house in which haram music is played for forty

days, religious honor and respect from the household is taken away.

ج ل+ • Dم�ا ر� ي� �يم�ان� و� أ ة م�ن� اإل& &ر� &غ�ي �ه ق�ال� ال ن

� �ه� ص أ س ول� الل ر� �&ه �ي �ل �ه إ �ع�ث� الل ه ب Jر& �م& ي غ�ي �ه� و� ل �ه&ل &ف ج ور� ف�ي أ ي&ء+ م�ن� ال �ش� �ح�س� ب أ

Jر& ج� غ�ي �م�ا د�خ�ل� و� خ�ر� �ه ك ل �ق ول ل : ي �احا �ع�ين� ص�ب ب ر&� �ظ�لD أ �ر+ ي �ط�ائ ب

�م& : ل نا �ى ح�س� أ �ن& ر� &ه� ف�إ �ي &ن �اح�ه� ع�ل�ى ع�ي ن �ج� ح� ب �ف&ع�ل& م�س� �م& ي �ن& ل ف�إه &ك�ر& �م& ي ن : ل �يحا �ى ق�ب أ �ن& ر� ه و� إ �ر� ي

• Anyone who feels a misconduct in his family and does not address it, Allah sends down different means by which he is given indication to correct that for forty days. Even after that he doesn’t understand and does nothing to change it, his eyes can no longer see good and evil doesn’t seem bad to him.

• Places where غیرت is not needed:- In relation to things that are Halal• Ahkam of Defense:1. Defending ones wealth2. Defending ones soul3. Defending ones prestige and honor

ھسtند • یی الھ ناموس دین احکام• : منی اغیر واللہ سعد من اغیر وانا لغیور سعدا ان اللہ رسول قالاگر انسان بر ضد نوامیسی که خدا قرار داده عمل کند هتک •

ناموس الهی کرده است. وقتی انسان هتک ناموس الهی بکند، چنانکه هر غیوری وقتی که ناموسش هتک میشود عکس العمل

شدید نشان میدهد خدا هم عکس العمل شدید نشان میدهد. • Everyone protects their عزت and honor1. Nobody reproaches the Gardner who puts barbwire and

thornes around his garden.

2. Nobody—out of freedom—leaves the door of their house open all night long.

3. No treasurer leaves his treasure without protection.

4. Everything which has more value, requires more protection.

5. Everything which is delicate , is prone to theft.

6. Is it not that antique art hanging on the walls of a museum always says: “do not touch”?

7. All of these laws and commands are result of sound intellect, and experience.

8. If you leave a bottle of perfume open it will be gone soon.

9. If you don’t put your valuables in a box and lock it and keep it away from non-Mehram’s eyes, it might get stolen.

10. If you don’t put a net in front of the window, unwanted bugs would fly in the house. When you close the entrance of these insects you have protected yourself, not limited or imprisoned.

11. When you put a barrier or veil in front of your house or room, you have protected your house from the view of non-Mehram, it doesn’t mean you have confined yourself.

�خ&ض�ع&ن� • &ت ن� ف�ال� ت �ق�ي �ن� ات  إ �اء Jس� ح�د+ مJن� الن� �أ ت ن� ك �يJ ل�س& �ب اء� الن �س� �ا ن  Pي

وف:ا �ه� م�ر�ضQ و�ق ل&ن� ق�و&ال: م�ع&ر &ب �ذ�ي ف�ي ق�ل �ط&م�ع� ال &ق�و&ل� ف�ي �ال ب12. Quran also orders us: “Wives of the Prophet, you are not like

other women. If you have fear of God, do not be tender in your speech lest people whose hearts are sick may lust after you.”

13. If you keep yourself protected from dangers, hide yourself from the eyes of onlookers, no one should question you, why? And if they do, then you know what they are saying is illogical.

14. People say: “Ones heart should be clean” چاہیے ہونا پاک is دلonly an excuse to cover up for قیدی or lawlessness. From the لاpure heart nothing but pure should sprout out.

اارد سر اان ~مf کند راھگذربcول شاعر: ھر شا(ہ کہ از باغ، برون در میوہ ی

What is قذف? • It means to blame someone for adultery or sodomy• Punishment for the person doing قذف—man or woman—80

lashes.• Even if someone slanders a dead person, the same ruling will

apply.Eل • ن خ� نب خ� یل یب tن xخ یو ی�ا ند تل نج تن نم خة Eي ی یح تل خج ا خر تخ یت یما xی ن� نت ینا یس یح تن نم یج یر ی( ینا نEز نبال خ� یت ی�ا یر تم یف ا یذ یق تن یم ن� ص یEل خل ال خسو یر یل یقا

لة )بحار الانوار ج ی� ن�ي ی( خف تل ی�ا ن� نن ید یب یلى یع yل یر تع (۲۴۸ ص ۱۰۰یش• Whoever associates lies of adultery towards his wife, his own good deeds are

removed from him, like a snake coming out of his skin, all the actions are dissolved and for every hair he has on his body one thousand sins are written down for him.

• If a person sets a dowry without the intention of paying it, according to a Hadith by Prophet he commits زنا every

• How to treat ill thoughts about family members?

عورت کی غیرت سے کیا مراد ہے؟ معمولا حسادت۔•• A wife wouldn’t stand husband seeking another wife due to jealousy.

ق: • دQ و� امام صاد &ه ن� ح�س� �ك� م�ن �م�ا ذ�ل �ن اء ف�إ Jس� م�ا الن� ج�ال� و� أ Jلر� �ال� ل ة إ &ر� &غ�ي &س� ال �ي ل

�ج�ال Jلر� �ح�ل� ل و&ج�ه�ا و� أ �ال� ز� اء� إ Jس� �ه ع�ل�ى الن م� الل �ك� ح�ر� �ذ�ل ج�ال� و� ل Jلر� ة ل &ر� &غ�ي الثا �ال� ج�ال� م�ع�ه�ا ث Jلر� ة� و� ي ح�ل� ل &ر� &غ�ي �ال �ه ن� ب �ي �ل &ت �ب ن& ي

� م أ &ر� ك� �ه� أ �ن� الل : و� إ �عا ب ر&

� ۃ )الفروع من أ(۵۰۴ ص ۵الکافی، ج

• in the meaning of protecting ones honor is wajib, but what women seek to prevent غیرتtheir husbands from remarriage is not غیرت rather its jealousy. The reason why a woman can only have one husband at a time, while a man take up to four wives (with conditions). Allah has made this halal for him. Allah is above that He makes a woman .in this regard which is allowed for the husband غیرتمند

Q: Can a woman stipulate in the contract to prevent husband for remarriage?

A: She can sacrifice her dowry and make a condition that husband will not remarry (while married to her) or will seek permission before doing so and it will be correct if they mutually agree to it.*

* All Maraje agree to this, some says Ihtiyat-e-wajib some say wajib to adhere with this stipulation.

• Does Quran mention more than one wife for the men?

�ك م مJن� • �ام�ىp ف�انك�ح وا م�ا ط�اب� ل �ت &ي �ال� ت ق&س�ط وا ف�ي ال �ن& خ�ف&ت م& أ و�إ�ع&د�ل وا ف�و�اح�د�ة: �ال� ت �ن& خ�ف&ت م& أ  ف�إ �اع� ب ث� و�ر �ىp و�ث ال� &ن اء� م�ث Jس� (۳ )نساء  Pالن

• “And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one”

• This verse of Quran gives permission along with restriction of justice.

•  ص&ت م& �و& ح�ر� اء� و�ل Jس� &ن� الن �ي �ع&د�ل وا ب �ن ت �ط�يع وا أ ت �س& (۱۲۹)نساء و�ل�ن ت• You will never be able to maintain justice among your wives and love them

all equally, no matter how hard you try.

• Permission for up to four wives is a general law, in some instances it was required, like after wars when a lot of men would lose their lives, their widows were left without protection, Islam gave this permission of more than one wife to protect them and provide shelter for them.

اتھ س نکلن ن دیا جائ اور سوء استفاد س روکا • ےاور اس چیز کو ہ ے ہ ے ے ہا اعدلو ےجائ تو فرمادیا: ہعدل س کام لو، پھر ک لن تستطیعواے

و)مادی ضروریات(۱ ہ اس لی ک تم نان و نفق میں تو اعتدال کرسکت ے ہ ہ ے ۔لی بیوی ۲ یں اور نا ممکن )معنویات(، مثال پ ہ مگر عالق و محبت میں ن ہے ہ ہ ۔

۔۔۔عمر میں زیاد اس س محبت الگ، ایک جوان اس س الگ ے ے ہ، اور پھر اسکی ذم داری اسالم پر ۳ ہ مسلمانوں ن خواتین پر ظلم کی ے ے ۔

۔ڈال دی، تاک و بدنامی س بچ جائیں ے ہ ہ�ه�ا • ائ �س� ة ع�ل�ى ن &ر� &غ�ي �ي و� ال م�ت

&ج�ه�اد ع�ل�ى ر�ج�ال� أ �ب� ال �ه ق�ال� ك ت ن� �ه� ص أ ول� الل س ر�

ه�يد �ج&ر� ش� �ه أ �ع&ط�اه�ا الل �ت& أ ب �س� ت &ه ن� و� اح& ت& م�ن �ر� ف�م�ن& ص�ب• Allah made Jihad wajib on men of my Ummat and غیرت on their women, whoever

among them shows patience in regards to this تغیر and leave this matter with Allah, He will give her the rewards of a Martyr.

&ج�ه�اد� و� ع�ل�ى • ج�ال� ال Jب� ع�ل�ى الر� �ت �ه� ع�ز� و� ج�ل� ك �ن� الل �ي ج�ع&ف�ر+ ع ق�ال� إ ب� ع�ن& أ

�ه� ع�ز� �يل� الل ب �ل� ف�ي س� �ى ي ق&ت �ه و� د�م�ه ح�ت &ذ ل� م�ال �ب �ن& ي ج ل� أ &ج�ه�اد� ف�ج�ه�اد الر� اء� ال Jس� الن�ه ت &ر� و&ج�ه�ا و� غ�ي �ذ�ى ز� ى م�ن& أ �ر� �ر� ع�ل�ى م�ا ت �ص&ب �ن& ت �ة� أ أ &م�ر& و� ج�ل� و� ج�ه�اد ال

• Jihad of a woman is to be patience in front of the problems of the house and husband. Making a living with a spouse who has a good income, who is ا(لاق ,(وشwho know their duties is not a skill, rather it is an accomplishment to make a living with the one who lacks all of these.

4. Not abiding with clause of marriageQ: What is تدلیس?A: It is when man or woman is described in disguise. For example

not mentioning some of the defects or mentioning things which this person doesn’t possess. Like saying the boy is a doctor or engineer but really isn’t. And if they hadn’t mentioned these things the marriage would’ve never taken place.

Q: What is the ruling on tadlis?A: If tadlis is to cover up some physical defects, the contract can be

revoked, the other party has the right to end the contract. Q: If a person marries a widow and later finds out that she faints

quite often, and he wasn’t told of her condition, does that count as tadlis?

A: It is not considered tadlis if the defect is not mentioned, but rather covered when asked about.

Q: Before marriage the boy asked about the girl if there is any defects, he is told the girl is perfectly allright and rather beautiful. Later finds out that girl is cross-eyed, and he wanted a religious/hijabi girl, where this girl doesn’t practice all this, does he have the right to revoke the marriage?

A: Contract is correct, but if there was a prior condition stipulated for no defects, and later defects are present, then husband has the right to revoke.

- Prior to any relationship, dowry is upheld, afterwards he must pay all the dowry. In divorce prior to relationship, half dowry is paid, after, all is due.

Q: Prior to marriage a boy does tadlis by lying about being a doctor or an engineer (or any other specific profession) and knows that girl agreed for marriage because of it and without it she wouldn’t have married him, does the girl have the right to revoke this marriage?

A: If there was a precondition in marriage contract about being in a specific profession, or contract is based on this condition, than girl does have the right to revoke. Before any relationship she revokes, no dowry, but after relationship, husband must pay dowry.

5. Discovery of an ailment or defect in spouse• If the following defects are present in woman, husband has the right to

revoke the marriage.1. Insanity (جنون) even if it is intermittent.• if a person was insane prior to marriage then husband has the right to revoke, but if the

wife becomes insane after marriage, he doesn’t have the right t revoke.

2. Leprosy : Tropical skin and nerve disease3. Blindness: Here it means blind from both eyes, so if a person can see from

one eye or has an illness where she can’t see at night time only, it will not have the same ruling

4. Being crippled, even if it is not to the extent of immobility.5. Presence of flesh or a bone in the woman's uterus, which may or may not

obstruct sexual intercourse or pregnancy. And if the husband finds that the wife at the time of Nikah, suffered from 'Ifdha' - meaning that her urinary and menstrual tract have been one, or her menstrual passage and rectum have been one, he cannot annul the marriage. As an obligatory precaution, he will have to pronounce talaq if he wants to dissolve the marriage.

• As some of these things might be treatable, if the woman goes ahead with her own expense for the treatment, right of revoke is dissolved.

• If the following defects are present in a man, wife has the right to revoke the marriage, according to all Maraje.

1. Absence of certain organs2. Impotent• Right to revoke according to majority of Maraje:1. Insanity2. Leprosy3. Blindness• If above conditions were pre existing, then woman has the right

to revoke, after marriage, she doesn’t have the right to revoke. • Important points in regards to the right of revoking:1. Choice of revoking is immediate for both man and woman,

therefore, if they don’t revoke it immediately, Aqd becomes lazim. Of course not knowing is an excuse (for it being immediate) and the right remains.

2. Same rules apply for temporary marriage.

• In following cases neither has the right to revoke:1. Epilepsy (Seizures)2. Fainting اغماء3. Barren/infertileعcیم4. Addiction5. Hiding real ageQ: If a girl lied about her real age and mentioned she is five

years younger than her actual age, and later husband finds out, does he have the right to revoke?

A: In this quantity, husband doesn’t have the right to revoke, and if he divorces before any relationship dowry is half.

Reason for crisis are othersA. Reasons when parents have become the cause of crisis and differences

(while being well-wishers)

1. Marriage at early age:خفوا )وسائل • نل یت ت�ا ی{ تن ی�ا خدوا ی�ا ی{ تم یل تر یغا نص تم �خ یو خجوا نEو خز یذا ن}ا یل یcا یف تر یغا نص تم �خ یو ینا ین یيا تب نص خج نEو یز خن Eنا ی ن}ا خ� یل یل نقي ق: ھشام عن امام صاد

(۱۰۴، ص ۲۰الشیعۃ، ج • if we marry our kids at young age is that a good thing? Imam replied: Anytime this

takes place there will be less attraction between them, because they didn’t take this decision themselves.

Marriage of kid prior to their bulugh is makruh

Q: Does Islam permit the marriage of a girl at age nine and boys at age 15?

A: Nine and fifteen is merely the year when they become baligh, and it doesn’t have to be the age when they must get married.

Bulugh has four levels:

1. In the meaning of taklif, where one must obseve wajib and haram

2. In the meaning of getting ready for fasts, as long as it doesn’t harm them

3. Bulugh for marriage, when a girl has exceeded in her bodily growth and to safeguard from any indecency

4. For financial reasons, so that it doesn’t get usurped.

What is the ruling on a marriage in which a father gave his two-year old into marriage with someone , if the daughter after bulugh disagrees and says, “I do not accept this marriage”?

A: If that marriage was in the interest of the daughter, then she should accept it. But if it was not (which is usually the case these days) this marriage has no value.

2. Imposed Marriage

اد�ا • ر�� �و�ي� أ ب

� �ن� أ �ة: و� إ أ و�ج� ام&ر� �ز� �ت �ن& أ ر�يد أJي أ �ن �ه إ �ه� ع ق�ال� ق ل&ت ل &د� الل �ي ع�ب ب

� ع�ن& أ�و�اك� ب

� �ه&و�ى أ �ي ي �ت �ي ه�و�يت� و� د�ع� ال �ت و�ج� ال �ز� ه�ا ق�ال� ت &ر� ، ص ۵)الفروع من الکافی، جغ�ي۴۰۱)

• A person said to Imam Sadiq (as) that I want to marry a girl but my parents want me to marry someone of their choice, what is my duty? Imam replied: marry the one you want to and leave the one your parents chose for you.

• Because when you marry someone whom you don’t like from the beginning it will be a great challenge to make this marriage prosper, and wouldn’t be without hardships.

Note: This right should not be misused and make one careless of parents’ choice, usually they are doing it for your good, so respect their choice and even if you disagree turn it down with respect.

What is the ruling on a marriage taking place with the permission of mother without the consent of son?

A: Criterion for the contract to be correct is the consent of the son and not mother.

Some parents make a nadhr (covenant) to give their daughter to a Sayyid, what is the ruling on that?

A: Parents do not have the right to make any nadhr for their children. Even if the children make this nadhr by themselves and later regret it, their nadhr has no value.

B: Reasons when parents have become the cause of crisis and differences (while not being well-wishers)

A father gives his word to a 39 year old man to marry his 12 year old daughter with him. Father took some money too, now at the time of marriage the daughter disagrees, but the father forces her and threatens her to get married, and the person performing the marriage recites the contract under pressure, and daughter accepts with displeasure what is ruling on such contract?

A: Contract without the permission and consent of the daughter is not correct, and if the acceptance was due to pressure, there is no shari value to it and does not require a divorce.

• For marriage permission from father or grand father is necessary, but they cannot force their children into marrying someone they want especially when the abhor it. (show کراھت)

Reason for crisis are others (other than parents)

A. Reasons when others have become the cause of crisis and differences (while being well-wishers)

�ي ج�ع&ف�ر+ • ب� �ل�ى أ �ي ع�مJي إ �ن �ع&ض ب �ب� ب �ت ع�ر�يJ ق�ال� ك �ش& ن� األ& &ح�س� &ن� ال ع�ن& م ح�م�د� ب

��خ�طJه �ب� ب �ت و�يج� ف�ك �ز& �ت� الت �ب ت& أ �ر� �ب �م�ا ك و�ج�ه�ا ع�مDه�ا ف�ل �ة+ ز� �ي �ق ول ف�ي ص�ب �ي ع م�ا ت �ان الثه�ا م&ر

� �م&ر أ �ك� و� األ& ه ع�ل�ى ذ�ل &ر� (۳۹۴ص۵)الفروع من الکافی جال� ت ك• Some of my cousins wrote to Imam Jawad (as) about a girl whose uncle had

given her into marriage to someone, when she became baligh, she refused it. Imam replied: He shouldn’t force her, she has the right to not agree.

If some family members force a girl to marry someone when the girl doesn’t agree, what is the ruling on it?

• Aside from paternal grandfather, no one in the family has guardianship over her, thus cannot force.

B. Reasons when others have become the cause of crisis and differences (while not being well-wishers)

• Some people try to split the couples for various reasons:1. Jealousy, envy

2. For fun, or out of teasing

• Islam considers that a big sin:�ه� و� • &ه� غ�ض�ب الل �ي �ان� ع�ل ه�ا ك �و&ج �ة+ و� ز� أ &ن� ام&ر� �ي ق�ة+ ب و� م�ن& ع�م�ل� ف�ي ف ر&

��ل&ف �أ ض�خ�ه ب �ر& ن& ي� �ه� أ : ع�ل�ى الل �ان� ح�قGا ة� و� ك خ�ر� �ا و� اآل& &ي �ت ه ف�ي الدDن �ع&ن ل

�ان� ق& ك Jم& ي ف�ر� �ه م�ا و� ل &ن �ي اد� م�ا ب ى ف�ي ف�س� �ار+ و� م�ن& م�ش� ة+ م�ن& ن ص�خ&ر�م� ة� و� ح�ر� خ�ر� �ا و� اآل& &ي �ه� ف�ي الدDن �ت �ع&ن �ه� ع�ز� و� ج�ل� و� ل خ�ط� الل ف�ي س�

��ل�ى و�ج&ه�ه �ظ�ر� إ &ه�( الن �ي �ه ع�ل (۴۶ ص ۲۰) وسائل الشیعۃ ج)الل• Whoever becomes the cause of split and confrontation between a couple,

anger and curse of Allah is on that person in this world and in the Hereafter. That person deserves to be stoned by Allah (using big flaming stones). And whoever tries to split a couple but they don’t split, rather their life becomes very bitter, anger and curse of Allah is on this person. Moreover, he will not see Allah’s face (probably it means those people who are referred to as وجہ اللہ like Prophet and Masumeen).

This Hadith uses very harsh words to be a lesson so that nobody even thinks about it.

Recipient of Allah’s anger and wrath Being stoned with flaming stones Not being able to see اللہ وجہ

Wrong means to fix the crisis in family mattersA. Using magic or sorcery

،ی ، چلہ، محبت، چیزوں کو کھولنا جو بندtے ہیں: کسی کی زبان بند کرنے کے لیے، (وش بخtکچھ دعا نویس، دعائیں لکھجادو کوتوڑنے کے لیے، یا ایسی ہی چیزیں لوگوں کو بیچtے ہیں، کیا ایسی دعائیں موجود ہیں؟

یہ کام لوگ معمولا اپنے سود و منافf کے لیے کرتے ہیں تاکہ لوگوں کو اپنا شیدائی بنا سکیں• خاس کاغذ کو جس پر دعا لکھی دعا نویسی صرف کسی (اص دعا کو لکھ کر اپنے پاس رکھنا ہےیا اسکے علاوہ بھی؟ مثلا:

ہے پانی میں گھولنا، کسی کو کھلانا، یا جلادینا، ہوا میں رکھنا، پtھر کے نیچے دبانا، یا دفن کرنا یا بہtے پانے میں پھینکنا؟ ان چیزوں کاکtنا اعtبار ہے؟

یجلانا م�لcا حرام ہے۔ لیکن دھونا اور پانی میں بہانا وہی عریضہ کی مانند ہے جو کہ کچھ دعاؤں کے لیے صحیح ہے• دعا کو : أل� ع�طJف�ه • &ئا ي �ع&ت ش� Jي ص�ن �ن ل&ظ�ةQ و� إ ��ه� ع�ل�ي� غ : و� ب و&جا �ن� ل�ي ز� &ه أ �ت ل

� أ �ة+ س� أ م&ر� ��ه� ص ال س ول الل ق�ال� ر��ار ي �خ& �ة األ& �ك ئ &م�ال� &ك� ال �ت �ع�ن ت� الطJين� و� ل �د�ر& �ح�ار� و� ك &ب ت� ال �د�ر& �ك� ك �ه� ص أ فÆ ل س ول الل �ه�ا ر� ع�ل�ي� ف�ق�ال� ل

ه�ا و� &س� أ �ق�ت& ر� ل �ه�ا و� ح� &ل �ي ه�ا و� ق�ام�ت& ل �ه�ار� ة ن� أ &م�ر& ر&ض� ق�ال� ف�ص�ام�ت� ال

� م�او�ات� و� األ& �ة الس� �ك ئ و� م�ال�&ه�ا �ل م�ن �ك� ال� ي ق&ب �ن� ذ�ل �ي� ص ف�ق�ال� إ �ب �ك� الن �غ� ذ�ل �ل وح� ف�ب &م س �س�ت� ال �ب (۴۴۵ ص۳)من لا یحضرہ الفcیہ ج ل

• A woman came to holy Prophet and said, my husband is a bit harsh on me, I used magic to tame him so that he’d be nice to me. Am I right in doing this? Prophet replied: Woe on to you, you tarnished ocean and land with this action; (metaphor for making water and land polluted), best of the Angels of Earth and Heaven are cursing at you. That woman went back and became busy in Ibadat—day and night—cut off her hair, wore ragged clothes (so that God may forgive her), when Prophet heard of that, he said: No doubt, her actions are useless.

B. Curse/imprecation instead of logical solutions• Life is shorten for a spouse who curses. Hadith by Imam Sadiq (as):

�ه ��د� الل &��ي ع�ب ب� د� أ &�ن �&ت ع ال� ك ن ��ء� ق &ع�ال� �ي ال ب

� &ن� أ &ن� ب ي ��&ح س و�ي� ع�ن� ال ر �ا ���ه�&ق �ل وء� خ �ه و� س ��ت ��و�&ج ك و ز� &��ش �ه ي ��و&ل:ى� ل ��و& م

� لQ أ �ج ��اء�ه ر ���ذ& ج �ع إ�و� ��ه�ه� ب ��ل� الل ��ال�ت�& ف�ع ��ك� ق ��و&ج ���ز �ا ل ��ا� م ���ه �ا�ل� ل ��ا ف�ق ���ه ��ي ب ��ن �&ت أ ��ال� ف ��ق � ام ���ي ة� أ ��ث �ال� �ال� ث ي إ ���ع�يش �م& ت ذ�ا ل ���ع�ل�ى ه Jت� �ب �ن& �ث ا إ ���ه ال� ل ��ل� ف�ق ��ف�عك� ��ت و&ج� د� ز� ���ي ذ& ب �ه خ ��ال� ل ��: ف�ق د�ا ���ب ه� أ ر�

� � أ ��ن& ال ال�ي� أ ��ا أ� ب ��ا�ل�ت& م ��قال�ث ��و&م� ال�ث ��&ي ا�ن� ال ��ا ك ���م + ف�ل �ام ���ي ة�� أ ��ث � ��ال �ال� ث �ا� إ ���ه &ن �ي ك� و� ب ��&ن �ي &س�� ب �ي �ف�ل �د& �و� الل��ه ��ال� ق ��ت� ك�� ق و&ج� ��ا ف��ع��ل�ت& ز ��ال� ع� م ��ل� ف�ق �ج �ي�&ه� الر� ل� ع�ل ��د�خ�ت��ر� �ع��دJي��ة: ف�ب �ت& م� ت �ا�ل� ك��ان ��ا� ق ��ا�ل ه ا ك��ان� ح� ��ا�ع�ة� ق ل�&ت� م ��ا �الس ��&ت� ه �د��ف�ن

&ه�ا اح�ه م�ن ر�� ه�ا و� أ �ه� ع م ر� (۹۷ ص۴۸)بح£ار الان£وار ج الل

• A wife who cursed her husband, Imam said you only have three days to live. When we asked Imam about her he said: She was a woman who trespassed Allah’s boundaries therefore Allah cut her life short.

C. Being impetuous and violentتندی و (شونت • How to control the anger in a husband wife relationship?• A brave person is the one who can prove his/her bravery in

front of anger. Bravest of all is one who owns his/her anger. • One who can lessen his anger in front of others, Allah will

lessen His anger in front of him.• Wife in the house, not only she shouldn’t get angry but also

she should be the force in putting out the anger of husband.

HOW TO DO THAT?• Delay your reaction by five minutes. And you will have full

control over your anger in few practices. • This practice can replace all the doctors’ treatments and

anger pills.

Correct solution to fix the crisis in family matters

A. First solution: Seeking help from Allah and tawassul with Awliya Allah

• A woman came to Imam Sadiq (as) and asked him, O Imam my husband does not like what should I do? Imam replied: نک بالصلاۃ اللیل علی

• After a while she came back and thanked Imam and said: My husband from that time on started liking me to the extent that cannot be compared to anyone.

• Imam said: God have mercy on the woman who gets up in the morning and wakes her husband up, and husband who does the same to his wife, and they pray Namaz-e-Shab.

B. Second solution: Putting yourself in their shoes

ن�& �ي �ك� و� ب &ن �ي : ف�يم�ا ب انا �ف&س�ك� م�يز� �ي و� اج&ع�ل& ن �ت �ف�ه�م& و�ص�ي �ي� ت �ا ب ن يه &ر� �ك �ه م�ا ت ه& ل &ر� �ف&س�ك� و� اك �ن &ر�ك� م�ا ت ح�بD ل �غ�ي �ح�ب� ل &ر�ك� و� أ غ�ي�ن& �م�ا ت ح�بD أ �ح&س�ن& ك �م� و� أ �ن& ت ظ&ل �م�ا ال� ت ح�بD أ �م& ك �ظ&ل �ه�ا ال� ت ل

&ك �ي �ل ن� إ ( وصية أمير المؤمنين إلى الحسن205 ص74ج بحاراألنوار) ي ح&س�

• Imam Ali said to his son: “O my son understand my will correctly, make your nafs a scale between others and yourself, like for others that which you like for yourself, and dislike for others that which you dislike for yourself. Do not oppress anyone the same way you don’t want to be oppressed. Be kind to others the way you would want them to be kind to you.

&ر��ح&ف [ و� ال� ت �اب� �ب& فتغتب ]ف�ت غ&ت �غ&ت ع�ن� الص�اد�ق� ع ق�ال� ال� ت�د�ين ت د�ان �م�ا ت �ك� ك �ن �ق�ع� ف�يه�ا ف�إ ة: ف�ت �خ�يك� ح ف&ر� � ص72ج بحاراألنوار)أل

248)• Do not back bite, or someone will backbite you. Do not dig a hole for

your brother, lest you fall in it your self. Because how you treat others, you’ll be treated the same way.

• Story of a woman who learned from her 12 year old son. She would get into fight with her mother-in-law, and asked her husband to choose between one of them. One day this son said to his mother I won’t get married, because what will I do when my wife asks me to choose between you and her?

C. Third solution: Talking with mutual understanding ( و تکلم(تفاھم

• Spouses must understand if they don’t want to be with one another, or make compromises to reach mutual understanding, even if all the Prophets would come and advise them, it’s not going to make any difference.

• In order for them to make mutual understanding the ruling hakim in the house, they must pay attention to the following:

1. No one is Masoom (infallible): therefore possibility of mistake exists in either one of them, even repeatedly.

2. Whoever makes a mistake or lapses, leave it to that they have admitted their fault, apologized and promised to not repeat.

ل قال امیر المومنینcان الع�(447)غرر الحکم، ص : المعذرy بر• Apologizing (after a mistake) is a sign of a wise person.

3. Accepting the apology right away even if the mistake has happened before

يل الذنب قال امیر المومنینc} بل العذر و لاc} (447)غرر الحکم، ص : شر الناس من لا• Worst of the mankind is the one who doesn’t accept the apology

to end the differences and disputes (person who holds grudges).• Note: Not all apologies should be accepted.

1. After dishonor

2. If one harms another physically…

4. In doing اصلاح (reconciling) or mentioning ones defects, following must be adhered:

• Before mentioning defects, mention some good habits and positive things about that person, and thank him.

• When mentioning defects don’t bombard them, rather mention one thing at a time and correct it.

• Make sure the time and place is appropriate.• Don’t mention defects in front of others (strangers)

قال امیر المومنین ( ]f}تفر[ fت یتcر{ }ا یبين المل ی» خح خنص (غررالح�م: Imam Ali (as) said: Giving advice in public is destroying ones personality.

• Before you mention someone else’s defects, count your own shortcomings or else it won’t have any effects.

خ� قال امیر المومنین خل تث نم ی» نفي یما یب نعي یت تن ی�ا نب تي یع تل خر ا یب xت ی�ا (353)نھD البلاغۃ قصار: Biggest vice is the one who counts others defects while he possesses the same himself.

�اب� ۞ &ك�ت &ل ون� ال �ت �نت م& ت ك م& و�أ �نف س� و&ن� أ �نس� �رJ و�ت &ب �ال �اس� ب ون� الن م ر & �أ �ت  Pأ

�ع&ق�ل ون� �ف�ال� ت (44)بcرہ أWould you order people to do good deeds and forget to do them yourselves even though you read the Book? Why do you not think?

• Event when Hazrat Isa (as) had to use Hazrat Yahya (as) for punishing someone.

D. Seeking guidance from scholars and people with experienceغررالح�م(جماع الخير في المشاورة و األخذ بقول النصي : قال امیر المومنین(

All the goods lie in consulting and acting on the advices of well-wishers.

E. Exhorting and advising

وه ن� ۞ ه ن� ف�ع�ظ وه ن� و�اه&ج ر وز� �خ�اف ون� ن ش �ي ت ت و�الال�&غ وا �ب �ك م& ف�ال� ت �ط�ع&ن �ن& أ &م�ض�اج�ع� و�اض&ر�ب وه ن� ف�إ  Pف�ي ال

�يال: ب &ه�ن� س� �ي &ع�ث وا ...ع�ل �ه�م�ا ف�اب &ن �ي ق�اق� ب ��ن& خ�ف&ت م& ش و�إح:ا �ص&ال� �ن ي ر�يد�ا إ �ه�ا إ ه&ل

� �م:ا مJن& أ �ه� و�ح�ك �ه&ل �م:ا مJن& أ ح�ك�ه م�ا &ن �ي �ه ب� ( & 3534)نساء ي و�فJق� الل

Admonish women who disobey (God's laws), do not sleep with them and beat them. If they obey (the laws of God), do not try to find fault in them. If there appears to be discord between a wife and her husband and if they desire reconciliation choose arbiters from the families of both sides. God will bring them together

• what is نشوز? Literally it means: elevated land and in terminology it refers to rebellion (flying high)

• Allah says: فع|وھن exhort them, advice them, if you fear rebellion from them.

• If exhorting and advice didn’t work the next step:

1. Admonish

2. Separate beds

3. Punishment • The last resort doesn’t mean beating up the wife! Rather there

has been many ahadith to back up this verse of Quran, which permits using physical punishment.

• Prophet (s) said: Hitting should not be in a way that it leave marks (bruises) on the body or to show off that you are a macho man. جGمبر غير : ضربا

Question: Why even mention hitting, even if it’s like hitting with the tooth brush (مسواک)?

زدن با چوب مسواك و : امام صادق ،»Gمقصود از »اضربوهنزدنى كه از روى رفق و دوستى باشد شبيه آن است،

• Dealing with reprehensible acts (منکرات) is step by step �&م�ض�اج�ع وه ن� ف�ي ال ف�ع�ظ وه ن� و�اه&ج ر و�اض&ر�ب وه ن�

1. As long as advice is helpful, harshness and severity is not allowed. As long as being harsh and changing bed is helpful physical punishment is not allowed.

2. Being harsh and using punishment is only to perform the obligation and not for revenge or spite (enmity). Because Allah says: :يال� ب &ه�ن� س� �ي &غ وا ع�ل �ب �ك م& ف�ال� ت �ط�ع&ن �ن& أ ف�إ

3. Men’s superiority should not make him haughty and arrogant, Quran says: : : كبيرا Gه كان عليا ان الل

4. Remembering that Allah is above all is the key to Taqwah and avoiding punishing the spouse. : �ه كان عليا ان الل

• ��ه �ه&ل �م:ا مJن& أ &ع�ث وا ح�ك �ه�م�ا ف�اب &ن �ي ق�اق� ب ��ن& خ�ف&ت م& ش و�إ�ه � ا ي و�فJق� الل ح: �ص&ال� �ن ي ر�يد�ا إ �ه�ا إ ه&ل

� �م:ا مJن& أ و�ح�ك�ه م�ا &ن �ي ب

•If there appears to be discord between a wife and her husband and if they desire reconciliation choose arbiters from the families of both sides.Q: Why family members?1. Members from each side of the family will have more concern

and they will be well-wishers and strive to resolve and keep the issue within the family.

2. This court is easy to establish, results are quicker, requires no paper work of regular courts.

3. Secrets of the family issues do not reach outside of house• Some Key Points:• (فtم ,points out that counseling must be done prior to discord وان

that’s why Quran says, “if you fear”

• (فtم also points out one shouldn’t interfere in family matters وانuntil they fear discord.

• Wife and Husband are one soul in two bodies, اقcش is used in places where one reality is divided into two parts.

• People should hasten to do reconciliation between spouses because Allah says: fتسری فاء فابعثوا،

• Don’t drag all matters to the court (specially family matters), Allah says: اھلھا من حکما و اھلہ من حکما

• Whenever people hope to reconcile with good intentions, Allah will bring them together, بینھما اللہ یوفق اصلاحا یریدا ان

بالمواعظ تنجلي الغفلة: قال امیر المومنینWith advice negligence ( لتغف ) is driven away

ثمرة الوعظ االنتباه : قال امیر المومنینFruit of advice is awareness

F. Lessening the love (or showing lack of love)• One of the most effective ways of tarbiyat is showing lack of love and

care.ه و� ال� ت ط�ل& &ه و� اه&ج ر& : ل�ي ف�ق�ال� ال� تض&ر�ب &نا &ح�س�ن� م وس�ى ع اب �ي ال ب

� �ل�ى أ �و&ت إ ك ش�)بحار الانوار (

One of the companions of Imam Musa Kazim )as( said: I complained to Imam regarding ]bad habits[ of my son, Imam replied: Do not hit him instead show your disgust with anger, but don’t stretch this anger for too long.

• Same is done in dealing with spouse (wife)

�ع �&م�ض�اج وه ن� ف�ي ال ه ن� ف�ع�ظ وه ن� و�اه&ج ر وز� �خ�اف ون� ن ش �ي ت ت (۳۴ )نساء و�الال�Admonish women who disobey (God's laws), do not

sleep with them• But this should not prolong.

Notes in this slide are from the book “Ahkam-e-Khavadeh” volume 2, by Muhammad Wahidi