Difficult Conversations

The value of uncomfortable experiences in the search for professional competency

Dr P. Culbertson

Difficult conversations

a productive approachHow to discuss what matters most

Based on research by Carol Cardno

Practice leading to change

Comfort Disequilibrium Threat

Critical dialogue = a conversation that is simultaneously critical and collaborative

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of

vision for the limits of the world”

Arthur Schopenhauer (1851)

What are the characteristics of a difficult conversation

• Defensiveness– Covering up

– Bypassing threat

– Being indirect

– Giving mixed messages

– Withholding information

Avoidance and control are the two major strategies of defensiveness

Reasoning

Productive or defensive

“Productive reasoning is based on what we call mutuality. Principles of shared control, shared thinking, shared evidence, shared planning for improvement and joint responsibility for monitoring” (Piggot Irvine & Cardno, 2006 )

“Defensive reasoning is the tendency to protect oneself from potential threat or embarrassment. Defensive routines are those behaviors which allow us to cover up or bypass threats” (Ibid)

Productive Reasoning

Productive reasoning involves a balancing act between the two predominant features of advocacy and inquiry.

Advocacy: supporting that position that in such a way that is both hypothetical and invites evaluation and challenge.

Inquiry: checking our own and others perceptions in ways which reveal implicit and explicit assumptions

Bilaterality (two sidedness): Informed mutual checking of meaning, understanding, perspective, and agreement, is central to the success of the approach.

Defensive reasoning Productive reasoning

Guiding values:•Win - don’t lose

•Avoid unpleasantness'

•Maintain control

Guiding values:

•Seek and give valid information

•Share control and solution

•Monitor solutions jointly

Strategies:•Not checking assumptions

•Giving indirect or mixed messages

•Not explaining reasoning

•Using questioning to control

Strategies:

•Checking assumptions

•being forthright

•Disclosing reasoning

•asking questions as genuine inquiry

The triple I approach

Ie3

Information - focus on giving and getting quality information

Disclose your position

Illustration - explain the basis for making judgment, give examples

Inquiry - ask relevant questions to seek information

- ask questions that check your assumptions

• Overcoming defensiveness first involves looking at the way that we personally are implicated in the

problem

Eileen Piggot-Irvine 1995

AmiableExpressives

Driver Analytical

Motivated by

security

acceptance

Achievement

recognition

Un-learning

“To un-learn defensive approaches you have to become a reflective learner.”

“You have to learn how to slow down or stop when you become aware that your normal approach is not producing a desired result.”

Cardno

Reflective practiceDonald Schon

Reflective practice is about focusing on action

Knowing-in-action Be able to understand and describe what we know we do in a given situation

Reflection-on-action Ability to stop, stand back, and think about what has happened

Reflection-in-action Ability to think about what we are doing while we are doing it and are capable of changing our actions mid-performance

How style impacts on climate

Effective leaders develop the capacity to make judgments based on their knowledge of:

• Themselves• The situation and the people involved• Each style and its capacity, demands and effects

The quality of these judgments is strongly linked to Emotional Intelligence and its three pillars:

• Self awareness• Empathy• Understanding of communication and relationship dynamics

Learning conversations

“In learning conversations people recognise the importance of treating different accounts of a problem as a resource for learning better ways of thinking about or resolving a problem”

Its about being open to learning from others and surfacing values, beliefs and assumptions. The drive in a learning conversation is for better quality thinking and reasoning” (Robinson & Lai, 2006)

Conversation Self/peer critique Collaboration

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Well I need to have a little bit of a conversation with you Anne

Ok,Ok, that’s fine

Yes, I'm afraid that I have to address something with you

OK

Its just that, well its probably not that big a deal really, but someone has noticed that you are coming really late into school sometimes

Oh really?

I’m afraid so. I've had a few comments about it from a few people

Oh, Ok who?

No evidence

Not checking assumptions

Giving false reassurance to fudge essential message

etc……………

Difficult conversation

Your response Self/peer critique Co construction