Difficulties Military Families Face.ppt

7/27/2019 Difficulties Military Families Face.ppt

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Challenges for Military FamiliesBy Becca Bettis MA/PSYC

Program Manager The Soldiers Project Sacramento

The Soldiers ProjectFree, Confidential

Psychological Counseling For Military Service Members and

Their Loved Ones

Website: www.tspsacramento.org

Email:[email protected]

Local: 916-792-3728

Toll Free: 877-557-5888



The Unique Culture of the

Military

“THE FORTRESS / WARRIOR SOCIETY”

The Paradox of The Military

It’s Members Do Not Live In Democracy Themselves

Authoritarian Structure

89% of Military “Children” identify their families asauthoritarian

Run A Tight Ship At Home

An imbalance in authority and Family Boundaries…Military Families are often organized like a miniature army.



Trials & Tribulations of the

Military Family

For those families where the “Authoritarian MilitaryStructure” extends into the home, this parenting stylecan work, at least at the elementary school level.

Children rebel against “authoritarian” parenting style

Major problems exist when “Tyrannical” and sometimes“abusive” family behavior is exhibited.

Children blame military for all of their problems….TheyDO NOT have the choices they see other young peoplemaking



Trials & Tribulations of the

Military Family

An average tour of duty may be three years and movesmay be more frequent.

Children have gone to many schools by the 7th and12th grade. Many have never visited their grandparentshomes. Many have no idea what having contact withkids they knew in elementary school was like.

Everything appears temporary, so the focus is inward…

Us vs. Them. Many military families are seen as“transient” and are often targets of mistrust and hostility.



The needs of the “ParentSystem” take

precedence over theneeds of the children.

There is difficulty meeting

the “fundamental “needs of “Trust andSafety” for their childrenbecause the family isconsumed with dealingwith the needs of theparents.



Parental Characteristics The belief that the child does not have a problem,

but instead is the problem.

The child does not have a need (anxiety, depression,academic issues), but rather is lazy, stupid or screwedup.

Children detach from feelings as they learn that their feelings are of little or negative value.

Responsibility for meeting the emotional needsbecome skewed because parents are either physically not present or emotionally unable toaddress the needs of the child.



Parental Characteristics Children learn that their own feelings are a source

of discomfort and tend not to develop a sense of

trust in their own judgments.

Because of the emotional unavailability of theparent, children often learn not to trust others or themselves.

From a mental health perspective, it is very importantto recognize that veterans do not experience war

alone and that the experience of war does notend when a tour is over.



By early January2007, those that lost

their lives, over 47%

were married,

leaving behindalmost 2,000

children



Modern Military Is Demanding

On Families

Frequent separations and reunions

Regular geographic household relocationsLife under the “Mission Must Come First”

Need for family to adapt its natural growth

and development to rigidity, regimentation

and conformity.

Early retirement from career in comparison to

civilian counterparts



Modern Military Is Demanding

On Families

Rumors and background threat of loss during a mission

Feelings of detachment from mainstream of non-military

life

Security of a vast system that exists to meet familiesneeds

Work that more than likely involves travel and adventure

Social effects of rank on family

Lack of personal control over pay, promotion and other benefits



5 Types of FamiliesA. Nuclear Family – Spouse and Children

B. Extended Family – Relatives and very close

friends

C. Military Family Unit – Specific unit to whichone is attached

D. Neighborhood Family – Friends in the

community of residenceE. Service Family – Branch of service providing

support services



4 Types of IsolationA. Geographic – Family is separated physically

from its support system

B. Social Isolation – Support is only available atthe level of acquaintance

C. Emotional – Support of Deep friendships andlasting ties are not available

D. Cultural Isolation – Lack of access tovisual/performing arts, education andintellectual endeavors



Unique Challenges and

Strengths of Military Children

There are almost 500,000 military children5 years of age or younger. More than

600,000 children of service members areschool age.

These school age children primarilyattend civilian public schools and theyalmost always represent a subculture inthese schools.



Nomads

They think of

themselves as “Nomads”

“Where are you from?”

“Where is your home?”



Adapting Children

Extremely diligent to fit in the new environment

and to find a niche quickly

Many of these children live in fear of not being

accepted... Who will they eat lunch with? Arethey still going to be a star on the basketball

team as they were at their last school?

Learning to say goodbye... A learned skill and

learned very early in life. Stuff their hurt, lossand pain for the “Good of the Mission”.



External Focus of Control

Because their parents do not have control over theconstant changes, for many military children themessage is that all control is external.

Life In The Fortress

Characteristics of Secrecy, Stoicism and Denial areshaped by many military families.

What goes on in the family could have disastrousramifications to the military parent’s career. This canlead to the closing down of feelings of resentment,hopelessness, grief and fear that can lead to a

denial of self, rage toward self and others or simplygiving up.



Developmental Age

Differences Infants - May refuse to eat

and appear listless.Unwillingness to eat and

weight loss. Earlyintervention/modelingparenting skills should beimplemented.

Toddlers – They begin to throwtemper tantrums or crying

increases. You should increaseattention, hugs and hand-holding.



Developmental Age

Differences Preschoolers - May revert to younger behaviors, such as,

baby talking and thumb sucking. Reassure child with wordsand extra attention.

Elementary School Age - Whining, complaining, becomeaggressive or otherwise acting out feelings. Give childpermission to talk about their feelings and offer morephysical attention than usual.

Teenagers - May be irritable, rebellious, fight or participatein other attention getting behaviors. Child has a lack of

interest in school, peers and school activities. You shouldencourage them to stay engaged (through sports andsocial activities). Give them permission to express their feelings even if negative and be available to talk with themabout their concerns.



How You Can Help Maintain consistency and routine to eliminate a

sense of insecurity. Have a predictable routineand home life.

Maintain good communication with honest age-appropriate discussions.

Pay attention to the needs of the children andcontinue to encourage good times to take awaysome of the pain of deployment. (special events,

hobbies, etc.)

Encourage them to maintain a healthy lifestyle byhaving nutritional foods, exercise and sleep.



How You Can Help

Find out if parents left in charge are treating

the children as if they are adults. The children

need to be able to remain children.

Acknowledge a need for reassurance,

especially when children feel loss of control or

stability.

Create good behavior plans. Set limits and

have LOGICAL consequences. NOT punitive.



Some Extra Tips for Schools At the pre-school and elementary level,

schools could create bulletin boards wherestudents bring pictures or write something

about their deployed parent(s).

At the Middle School/Junior High Schools,counseling groups can be effective for thosestudents who’s parents are deployed.

At the High School level, counselors candevelop small group counseling or supportsessions with students of those that aredeployed.



Some Extra Tips for Schools

Encourage all staff to be careful ofvoicing their personal opinions about the

war or political situation. Keep newsreports to a minimum or createalternative assignments for those studentsof the deployed.

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Difficulties Military Families Face.ppt