DOCUMENT RESUME ED 348 575 CS 213 472 TITLE TAAS and the … · 2014. 4. 9. · DOCUMENT RESUME ED 348 575 CS 213 472 TITLE TAAS and the Writing Process: A Composition HandUook. Grades

DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 348 575 CS 213 472

TITLE TAAS and the Writing Process: A Composition HandUook.Grades 3 through 5.

INSTITUTION Texas Education Agency, Austin.PUB DATE 91

NOTE 241p.; For grades 1-3 handbook, see ED 344 227; forgrades 9-12 handbook, see ED 344 228.

AVAILABLE FROM Publications Distribution Office, Texas EducationAgency, William B. Travis Bldg., 1701 North CongressAve., Austin, TX 78701-1494 ($2).

PUB TYPE Guides - Classroom Use - Teaching Guides (ForTeacher) (052)

EDRS PRICE MF01/PC10 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS Grade 3; Grade 4; Grade 5; Intermediate Grades;

Primary Education; State Standards; *WritingEvaluation; *Writing Instruction; Writing Processes;Writing Skills; *Writing Tests

IDENTIFIERS *Process Approach (Writing); *Texas Assessment ofAcademic Skills

ABSTRACTThis handbook is one of a series developed in

response to requests to provide schools with additional informationconcerning the written composition portion of the Texas Assessment ofAcademic Skills (TAAS). The handbook focuses on grades 3 through 5.Following an introduction, the handbook is in two parts. Part 1contains general information on the writing process and how thatprocess applies to the TAAS writing test. This section includesdiscussions of prewriting, elaboration, revision, and editing. Part 2provides scoring criteria and sample student papers with detailedannotations for each type of writing eligible for testing at Grade 5:informative/descriptive, informative/narrative ("how to"),expressive/narrative, informative/classificatory, andpersuasive/descriptive. Three appendixes present TAAS writingobjectives and instructional targets for grade 5, and explanation ofpurpose/mode at grade 5, and eligible types of writing at grade 5.(SR)

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from the original document.*********r*************************************************************

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of Academic Skills

MAN

TARS AND THE WRITING PROCESS:

A COMPOSITION HANDBOOK

GRADES 3 THROUGH

This Texas Education Agency publication is not copyrighted, and any or allsections may be duplicated. After an initial free distribution to authorizedinstitutions, additional copies may be purchased for $2.00 from thePublications Distribution Office.

TEXAS EDUCATION AGENCYWilliam B. Travis Building

1701 North Congress AvenueAustin, Texas 78701-1494

STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION(State Board for Vocational Education)

CAROLYN HONEA CRAWFORD, BeaumontChairman of the State Board of Education

District 7

BOB AIKIN, CommerceVice Chairman of the State Board of Education

District 9

RAYMOND A. ALEXANDER, HoustonDistrict 4

JACK CHRISTIE, HoustonDistrict 6

EMMETT J. CONRAD, DallasDistrict 13

WILL D. DAVIS, AustinDistrict 10

MONTE HASIE, LubbockDistrict 15

WILLIAM L. HUDSON, Wichita FallsDistrict 14

MARY HELEN BERLANGA, Corpus ChristiSecretary of the State Board of Education

District 2

Board Members

GERALDINE MILLER, DallasDistrict 12

JANE NELSON, Double OakDistrict 11

RENE NUREZ, El PasoDistrict 1

MARY KNOTTS PERKINS, LufkinDistrict 8

JOHN H. SHIELDS, San AntonioDistrict 5

ESTEBAN SOSA, San AntonioDistrict 3

THOMAS E. ANDERSON, JR.Interim Commissioner of Education

(Executive Officer of the State Board of Education)

dr,

Committeesof the

State Board of Education

PERSONNELRENE NUNEZ, ChairmanJACK CHRISTIEEMMETT J. CONRADCAROLYN HONEA CRAWFORDJOHN H. SHIELDS

STUDENTSGERALDINE MILLER, ChairmanRAYMOND A. ALEXANDERMARY HELEN BERLANGAMONTE HASIEMARY KNOTTS PERKINS

SCHOOL FINANCEWILL D. DAVIS, ChairmanBOB AIKINWILLIAM L. HUDSONJANE NELSONESTEBAN SOSA

LONG-RANGE PLANNINGEMMETT J. CONRAD, ChairmanRAYMOND A. ALEXANDERJACK CHRISTIECAROLYN HONEA CRAWFORDWILL D. DAVISJANE NELSONMARY KNOTTS PERKINSJOHN H. SHIELDS

PERMANENT SCHOOL FUNDESTEBAN SOSA, Ch, manBOB AIKINMARY HELEN BERLANGAMONTE HASIEWILLIAM L HUDSONGERALDINE MILLERRENE NUNEZ

. )

TEXAS EDUCATION AGENCY

DIVISION OF STUDENT ASSESSMENT

Keith L. CrusePatricia Sachse PorterPhyllis Sto 1pVictoria YoungEdgar N. MorganRobert TriscariChris NobleLisa ChandlerJ. Shannon HoussonMary Lou PriceLaura AyalaBarbara KristofVicki S. DavisSylvia MarquezJose A. LucioLisa FleckNancy TormosSherry OsborneLinda WilcoxKim PrunedaGwen JacksonMary VeselkaYvonne FloresLinda Jamison

DirectorDirector of Programs IIEducational Program DirectorEducational Program DirectorEducational Program DirectorEducational Program DirectorEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIEducation Research Specialist IIPlanning AssistantAdministrative Technician IVAdministrative Technician IIIStatistician IIAdministrative Technician IIClerical Supervisor IIIAdministrative Technician IAdministrative Technician IAdministrative Technician IConsultant

Leroy Psencik, Director of the Division of General Education, and SylviaRenden, Gloria Amescua, Lawrence Richard, Lanny van Allen, andSharon Borgh from the English Language Arts Section in the Division ofGeneral Education provided valuable insights and support in thecompletion of this document.

TAAS AND THE WRITING PROCESS:A COMPOSITION HANDBOOK

GRADES 3 THROUGH 5

CONTENTS

PAGE

INTRODUCTION 1

PART 1: TAAS AND THE WRITING PROCESS

GENERATING AND ORGANIZING IDEAS:THE PREWRITING STAGE 9

ELABORATING IDEAS: THE DRAFTING STAGE 21

RETHINKING AND CLARIFYING THE DRAFT:THE REVISION STAGE 35

"CLEANING UP' THE DRAFT:THE EDITING STAGE 47

PART 2: TAAS SCORING GUIDES AND SAMPLE STUDENTRESPONSES

INFORMATIVE/DESCRIPTIVE WRITING 57

INFORMATIVE/NARRATIVE ("HOW-TO") WRITING 93

EXPRESSIVE/NARRATIVE WRITING 129

INFORMATIVE/CLASSIFICATORY WRITING 163

PERSUASIVE/DESCRIPTIVE WRITING 199

APPENDIX

TAAS WRITING OBJE(ITIVES AND INSTRUCTIONALTARGETS FOR GRADE 5 233

EXPLANATION OF PURPOSE/MODE AT GRADE 5 235

ELIGIBLE TYPES OF WRITING AT GRADE 5 237

INTRODUCTION

Background

During the 1989-1990 school year, the Texas Education Agency receivednumerous requests to provide schools with additional information concerningthe written composition portion of the Texas Assessment of Academic Skills(TAAS). A series of handbooks, entitled TAAS and the Writing Process: AComposition Handbook, has been developed in response to these requests.Designed to assist Texas educators in preparing students for the TAAS writingtest at Grades 3, 5, 7, 9, and 11 (exit level), these handbooks serve the followingpurposes:

to show the connections between classroom writing and the TAASwriting testto provide information on the writing process and how this process canbe applied by students when writing for TAASto offer detailed information on the scoring of the TAAS writtencompositionto provide sample papers, along with detailed annotations, for each typeof writing eligible for assessment on the TAAS test

We hope that districts will find these handbooks to be a valuable resource astheir teachers work to improve students' performance on the TAAS writingtest.

Questions and comments regarding these publications should be addressed to:

Division of Student AssessmentTexas Education Agency

1701 North Congress AvenueAustin, Texas 78701-1494

(512) 463-9536

Organization of This Handbook

Part 1 contains general information on the writing process and how thatprocess applies to the TAAS writing test. This section includes discussions ofprewriting, elaboration, revision, and editing. Part 2 shows the scoringcriteria and sample papers with detailed annotations for each type of writingeligible for testing at Grade 5--informative/descriptive, inforniative/narrative("how to"), expressive/narrative, informative/classificatory, and persuasive/descriptive.

From TEAMS to TAAS: The Writing Test

The written composition portion of the Grade 5 TAAS writing test is verysimilar to the written composition portion of the Grade 5 Texas EducationalAssessment of Minimum Skills (TEAMS) test. The same types of writing areeligible for assessment, and the same scoring system is used to evaluate thecompositions. The multiple-choice component of the writing test, however,has changed significantly, both in philosophy and in format. Whereas theTEAMS test evaluated students' language skills in isolation, the TAAS testassesses these skills in a meaningful context. That is, the multiple-choiceitems for each objective are based on a series of written passages and requirethe student to read the passages carefully in order to answer the itemscorrectly. Assessing language skills in this format requires students to use thesame kinds of skills that they use when editing or proofreading their ownwriting--skills such as locating and identifying errors in a piece of writing.The multiple-choice component of the TAAS writing test is thus more closelylinked to the process of writing than was its predecessor.

Helping Students to Write: The Writing Process

Many effective teachers of writing focus on the writing process itself as well ason the end product of writing, teaching students how to go about a writing taskfrom start to finish. Through modeling and frequent practice, students learnto generate ideas through prewriting, to develop those ideas into drafts, torethink and clarify a piece of writing through revision, and to clean up surfaceerrors through editing and proofreading. In these classrooms emphasis isplaced on the content of the student's message. That is, the student's writingis viewed as an attempt to communicate ideas to the reader, who responds insome way to the message the student is trying to convey. Students havefrequent opportunities to:

write on topics that are meaningful to themwrite for a variety of purposes and in a variety of formatsexperiment with different ways of expressing ideasshare their writing with othersgive and receive feedback

This emphasis on writing to communicate encourages students to takecompositional risks--that is, to use language creatively without beinghampered by concerns about mechanical correctness. The freedom to takechances allows students to explore different ways to express ideas and todevelop confidence in their writing ability.

The Writing Process and TAAS

The student who is accustomed to writing and has written for many differentpurposes will more likely have acquired skills that can be applied to any

2

writing task. Therefore, the best preparation for both the written compositionand the multiple-choice portions of the TAAS test is to provide students withfrequent opportunities to apply the writing process in the classroom. Thestudent who is experienced in the process of writing will likely internalize thisprocess and should then be able to apply it when writing the TAAS compositionor when performing the editing/proofreading tasks required on the multiple-choice portion of the writing test. He or she will be able to generate ideas, todevelop those ideas into a draft, to revise a draft, and to edit and proofread forsurface errors, using skills and strategies acquired through classroomwriting. It is particularly important that each student be familiar enough withthe writing process to use it independently since the teacher cannot provideany assistance to the student during either portion of the writing test.

Focused Holistic Scoring

A process called focused holistic scoring is used to evaluate the TAAS writtencomposition. This scoring procedure is "holistic" because the piece of writingis considered as a whole. It is "focused" in that the piece of writing is evaluatedaccording to preestablished criteria. These criteria correspond to the first fourobjectives listed in the TAAS English Language Arts Writing Objectives andMeasurement Specifications. They are:

Objective 1: The student will respond appropriately in a writtencomposition to the purpose/audience specified in a given topic.

Objective 2: The student will organize ideas in a written composition on agiven topic.

Objective 3: The student will demonstrate control of the English languagein a written composition on a given topic.

Objective 4: The student will generate a written composition thatdevelops/supports/elaborates the central idea stated in a giventopic.

Each TAAS response is evaluated according to the extent to which it reflectsmastery of these four objectives. The response is scored on a scale of 1 (low) to 4(high). A student may also receive a rating of 0, indicating that the responsecould not be scored.

In order to master the TAAS writing test, a student must receive a rating of atleast 2 on the composition, which indicates that the response is minimallysuccessful, as well as answer correctly the required number of multiple-choiceitems. In order to receive the Academic Recognition designation on the TAASwriting test, the student must receive a rating of 4 on the composition inaddition to mastering all of the multiple-choice writing objectives.

3

Criteria Assessed on the TAAS Written Composition

Purpose/Audience

Individuals write for specific purposes and audiences. The way an individualwrites depends on his or her purpose for writing and the audience addressed.The TAAS written composition assesses the student's ability to write for aspecified purpose and audience. Three purposes--informative, expressive, andpersuasive--are eligible for testing at Grade 5. Additional information on thesepurposes can be found in the TAAS English Language Arts Writing Objectivesand Measurement Specifications and in the appendix of this document.

Organization,

In order to communicate successfully, a writer must organize his or her ideasin a clear and logical manner. The TAAS written composition assesses thestudent's ability to use a specified mode, or method, of organization and toproceed logically within that mode. At Grade 5, three modes of organization --descriptive, narrative, and classificatory--may be assessed. Additionalinformation on these modes can be found in the TAAS English Language ArtsWriting Objectives and Measurement Specifications and in the appendix ofthis document.

Language Control

In order to communicate effectively, the writer must show sufficient control oflanguage so that the reader has no difficulty understanding what the writer isattempting to say. The TAAS written composition assesses the student's abilityto use language in a clear and precise manner. Since TAAS responsesrepresent first-draft writing, however, some errors in language mechanics,sentence structure, and usage are to be expected. The student is not penalizedfor these kinds of errors unless they are severe enough to impair meaning.

Elaboration

The successful writer is able to develop his or her ideas in such a way that thereader understands what the writer is attempting to communicate. The TAASwriting test assesses the student's ability to develop ideas dearly, logically, andthoroughly. For a more detailed explanation of elaboration, see pages 21-34.

4

Additional Information on the TAAS Writing Test

The TAAS English Language Arts Writing Objectives and MeasurementSpecifications provide detailed information about both the multiple-choiceportion of the TAAS writing test and the written composition. With respect tothe multiple-choice items, the measurement specifications describe theobjectives (core concepts) and instructional targets (specific skills reflecting theessential elements) eligible for assessment, as well as the types of items thatmay appear on the test. In addition, the specifications provide sample itemsfor each instructional target and an appendix listing the usage, capitalization,and punctuation rules eligible for testing.

With regard to the written composition, the measurement specificationsdescribe the purposes and modes eligible for testing; the types of writingprompts, or topics, used; and the characteristics of successful responses. Inaddition, the specifications present a representative sample prompt for eacheligible type of writing.

5T

Pmg iTARS et.a ge l#14.41 140444

GENERATING AND ORGANIZING IDEAS:THE PREWRITING STAGE

What is Prewriting?

Prewriting is the process that an effective writer follows to assemble ideas anddevelop communication strategies before he or she begins to write. It moves thewriter from the thinking stage to the writing stage and includes any activitythat helps to generate, focus, and/or organize creative thought. Prewritinginvolves defining the task and devising ways to accomplish that task. Thisplanning stage is especially important because it helps to determine thewriter's work in subsequent stages of the writing process.

Helping Students to Prewrite

Beginning writers are often unaware of the many stages that a piece of writingmay go through before completion because they have only seen final finishedproducts. Consequently, they may be prone to begin a writing assignment bypreparing a "final" draft rather than by engaging in any preliminaryactivities. When their one-draft compositions are less than successful, theymay become frustrated and convinced that they cannot write. It is helpful forbeginning writers to understand that writing involves more than a perfectrecording of words, and that many successful writers do follow a step-by-stepwriting process. The first of these steps is prewriting, and there are a numberof prewriting activities may be particularly useful to young writers.

Prewriting Strategies

Prewriting is often regarded only as a technique for generating and focusingideas; however, it is also useful for organizing the writer's ideas. It mayinclude activities such as brainstorming, focused freewriting, webbing,charting, listing, drawing, and story mapping. The writer may use any ofthese, singly or in combination, to develop a full and detailed body of ideas thatprovides a solid base for a first draft.

Brainstorming

When students are first learning to use prewriting strategies, they oftenbenefit from preliminary discussions, or oral brainstorming sessions, thatrelate writing topics to their own experiences. To begin the brainstormingsession, the teacher gives the students a word, a phrase, a 'question, or asituation intended to stimulate thinking. For example, if the planned writingactivity is a personal narrative, the prompt might be "Favorites," "FavoriteBooks," or "Favorite Food." During this prewriting session there are no "right"or "wrong" responses. Rather, the purpose of the activity is to generate andrecord ideas that will stimulate writing, and virtually any response has that

9

potential. After gaining experience in several large group sessions, studentsshould be able to begin working through their prewriting in small groups.When students become familiar with oral brainstorming, it will be time forthem to progress to individual written brainstorming. This is an importanttransition for students to make, since no group, oral, or teacher-directedprewriting is possible during the TAAS test.

In the following example the student has used brainstorming to generate ideasfor his or her persuasive letter, based on the prompt on page 200 of thishandbook.

Pres I dem-

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5+.1,03

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ASok,\E\''a\I be.R0s skcjei

MC6rArAaFocused Freewriting

Focused freewriting is similar to brainstorming in that the goal is simply togenerate and record as many ideas, feelings, memories, and even seeminglyunrelated words and phrases as possible. Students are directed to writesteadily for a certain period of time (five or ten minutes, for example) inresponse to a particular stimulus. The only rule is that the students must notstop writing. If they run out of ideas, they can write over and over "I'm stuck"or "I don't know what to write" until another thought comes to mind. In thisexercise there should be no editing. no erasures, no crossouts, no reflecting, nocorrecting. The purpose of focused freewriting is to find and capture images,thoughts, feelings, or words and to get them on paper. This activity is a goodway to combat the nonproductive time students spend worrying about gettingstarted or about what to write. Focused freewriting helps them to learn toseparate the producing process from the editing process.

The key factor in both brainstorming and focused freewriting is the absence ofediting. During this period nothing is a "good" idea, nor is anything a "bad"idea. Later, during the drafting stage, the "best" ideas will be used, but at thetime of generation no writer knows exactly what the final draft will include orwhich idea is "best." In the following example, the student has used focusedfreewriting to work his or her way through the preparation of a response forthe prompt on page 164.

rtAri6k- aybt4d4:--c-v.

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tinAAA) 1pAld 144A, tkuLt.b.

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Webbing

Some students demonstrate difficulty in narrowing a topic or focusing on amanageable portion of a larger subject. Prewriting activities can help. Oneprewriting activity that may help students focus on a particular topic or on aportion of a piece of writing is webbing. In the webbing process students beginby writing a word or phrase in a circle drawn in the center of the paper. Aswith brainstorming and focused freewriting, students begin to write down allof the responses evoked by the topic in that first circle. Each word or phrase isplaced in its own circle, which is connected to a preceding circle. Becauseeach of the words or ideas is connected to another and therefore linked to theoriginal word, the resulting collection of ideas is somewhat more interrelatedthan brainstorming or focused freewriting. This technique is effective inpreparing a descriptive response based on a picture prompt or in expandingideas in a narrative or informative piece. In a descriptive piece, for example,webbing can help direct the student's attention to the details of a picture or anobject to be described. The webbing, or connecting lines, helps the studentorganize his or her thoughts by depicting objects or ideas in relation to oneanother and to the whole. By using the web as a guide, the studei.t will bemore likely to describe one area completely before moving to another, therebydemonstrating an organizational strategy. In addition, webbing promotes theelaboration required for successful responses by providing a graphic display ofrelated details that can be incorporated in an elaborated description. Thewriter developed the following web for the description of the picture promptshown on page 58 of this handbook.

1'1

Charting

Informative/narrative writing requires students to tell how to do something.Consequently, a detailed sequence of steps is necessary for success. Aflowchart is useful in any writing that requires sequencing. In the flowchartbelow, based on the prompt on page 94, the writer has connc 'ted each entry tothe. next entry, and the ideas or events progress in a linear manner.

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S4-i ro p h o vim., i h bcxst-Ri-

Tc e. r r. o n

Li sti ng

Although a flowchart is helpful in organizing thoughts for a first draft, manystudents have a tendency to list only the major steps in their writing and toleave out the elaborated detail necessary for a successful response. It may behelpful for these students to use another type of prewriting in conjunction withthe flowchart in order to elicit important details. This writer has used some ofthe flowchart entries as headings for lists.

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14

Listing also assists in generating and organizing the writer's thoughts forclassificatory writing. In the example below, the writer first listed the goodand bad things about watching television and then numbered the points in theorder in which he or she planned to present them.

6 0041

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Drawing

Many students enjoy drawing, and this preference can easily be channeledinto a narrative prewriting activity. The student can develop a story line in acomic-strip-like motif and then translate the story into words, using theprewriting pictures as an organizational guide. The following drawing was aprewriting activity for a narrative composition based on the prompt on page 130of this handbook.

16

atorxidapping

Story mapping is another useful organizational activity for narrative writing.In the example below, the points of the triangle represent the characters andsetting - -that is, who, when, and where. The first circle specifies the conflict,and the last circle contains the resolution. Blocks are added between the circlesto represent specific story events.

Mew

Cot4t-I.K4/4 ch 4 h.yec!. coofs

mofe

I

Some students may want to combine story mapping with another prewritingactivity to help generate specific details for their stories or descriptions. In the 4110activity below, the writer uses events from his or her story map as the focalpoint for generating additional ideas through webbing. The writer then circlesthe ideas that he or she has chosen to use in the story.

44.fam free40vbc)"4

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Prewriting for TAAS

Although the TAAS compositions are scored as first drafts, the content isexpected to be developed, organized, and written for the correct purpose;prewriting is a useful tool for accomplishing these tasks. Students areprovided with two blank pages in the test booklet on which to generate, focus,and organize their thoughts in preparation for responding to the writingprompt. They may choose to use a prewriting activity or any combination ofactivities, or they may write out their ideas in a draft form on those pages.Students should be encouraged to take advF itage of this opportunity.

If prewriting is part of the routine classroom writing experience, students willalways have a strategy to use when faced with a new writing challenge.Although the name "prewriting" suggests that it is a preliminary activityconducted only before writing begins, it is, in reality, recursive, as is the entirewriting process. That is, it is quite possible that a writer would use aprewriting technique to help resolve a problem that has been revealed duringthe revision process. Fcr example, if an idea needs additional elaboration, thestuck-Alt might use that idea as the stimulus and brainstorm to generaterelated details. On the other hand, if an idea lacks focus, it might be used asthe center for a webbing activity so that the student can develop therelationship between that idea and others to be included in the piece.Consequently, students should be encouraged to regard the various types ofprewriting techniques as tools that can be used throughout the construction oftheir pieces of writing.

There is no one prewriting activity that always works for every type of writing,nor is there one activity that works for every individual engaged in a particularkind of writing. However, in writing for TAAS, students experienced in theprewriting process will be able to make full use of their own prewritingstrategies; and their compositions will more likely reflect the degree ofspecificity, elaboration, and organization required for success.

19,-0 .-

ELABORATING IDEAS: ME DRAFTING STAGE

What is Elaboration?

Elaboration is the degree to which the writer develops ideas clearly, logically,and completely in order to allow the reader to understand thoroughly what thewriter is attempting to say in a piece of writing. No matter what the writer'spurpose, this understanding is dependent not so much on the number of ideasthe writer generates as on the quality of the development of each idea. Somewriters -- especially inexperienced ones--may believe that the more ideas theyinclude or the more they write, the more effective their piece of writing willlikely be. In reality, the merit of any piece of writing cannot be determinedsimply by the number of ideas or words it contains. For example, two ideasthat are well developed produce better elaboration than six ideas that areminimally developed, just as one page of relevant, specific support is alwaysmore effective than two pages of vague or general support. It is the writer'sability to develop each idea precisely and thoroughly that determines howstrong and complete the elaboration in a piece of writing will likely be.

Helping Students to Elaborate in Their Writing

While the components of form--correct language mechanics and soundorganization - -help to make a student's writing clear and coherent, anoveremphasis on their importance may create misconceptions about whateffective writing is. One widely. held misconception, for example, is thatmechanical correctness is the single most important criterion for effectivewriting. The all-too-common belief that errorless writing is "good" writinghas prevented some students from recognizing the relationship betweenthinking and writing. Although these students possess the languagemechanics to write well, they have not acquired the thinking "tools" necessaryto improve the quality of the elaboration in their writing. Anothermisconception is that knowing certain "formulas" will always help one towrite effectively. Two of the most common writing "formulas" involvebeginning and ending the composition in a particular way (using, in manycases, a teacher-generated sentence), and writing the composition in a certainnumber of paragraphs (often specified by the teacl-nr beforehand) withoutregard for the simplicity or complexity of the writing assignment or topic. Theexcessive use of writing "formulas" may promote the idea that effective writingcan be more easily accomplished--and meaning more easily created--if thewriter follows certain predetermined step. The reality, however, is thateffective writing requires careful thought. It is dependent oh the writer'sunderstanding of his or her purpose, as well as on his or her ability to organizeideas logically, to maintain consistent control of written language, and togenerate and develop ideas in a way that will make the text richer and moreaccessible, allowing the reader to appreciate and understand completely whatthe writer is attempting to say.

21

2

In every piece of writing, no matter what its purpose, the writer mustgenerate, organize, and develop ideas. Although all of these activities requirethe writer to create meaning, it is through the writer's development, orelaboration, of ideas that this meaning is communicated. In order to developideas in their own writing, students must first understand what effectiveelaboration is. Only after students have this basic knowledge can they take thenext step: applying these principles to their own writing so that eachgenerated idea is relevant, specific, and thoroughly developed.

Developing in Students a Critical Frame of Mind

One of the primary purposes of the prewriting stage of the writing process is togenerate and record as many ideas as possible, without consideration forwhether they will ultimately be "usable." At that stage, the writer must not beconcerned with the quality of the ideas--that is, how relevantirrelevant oreffective/ineffective they are. However, once the writer is ready to choose thoseideas he or she wishes to include in the first draft, adopting a critical frame ofmind becomes necessary, for it enables the writer to make sound judgmentsabout both the quality of the ideas and the most effective means of developingthem.

The writer who adopts a critical frame of mind will be able to

(1) focus on what is "good" about the development of each idea so that heor she can shape each one into something that creates meaning

(2) discard any idea that is irrelevant, general, or vague and replace itwith one that is relevant and specific.

Applying these critical judgments to each generated idea helps the writer todistinguish those sentences that contribute to the response from thosesentences that do not. Once the writer determines which ideas to develop, heor she can "target" those ideas and begin to add the detail necessary to improvetheir effectiveness and to strengthen the response as a whole.

Below are three excerpts from Grade 5 TAAS responses. Following eachexcerpt is a short explanation of how the writer may improve the quality of theelaboration.

The first excerpt is based on the persuasive prompt on page 200 of thishandbook. This excerpt was taken from the response (P-5) on page 207.

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EXCERPT 1A (PERSUASIVE):

I would like to invite George Bush, because I havenever seen him in real life before. George Bush isvery famous to some people, but some of the peopledon't like him. I like presidents because if we didn't[have] presidents on earth there will be no peace onearth.

The writer needs to consider the effectiveness of the last two sentences. Thesesentences do not contribute to the author's purpose, which is to convince thereader that George Bush would be the "best" famous person to visit the school.Neither sentence, therefore, qualifies as elaboration: Although the first ofthese sentences is about George Bush--"George Bush is very famous to somepeople, but some of the people don't like him"--it presents no ideas that supportthe writer's stated position; in fact, its negative focus in the second part of thesentence implies that President Bush would "Id be a good choice. The lastsentence is equally ineffective because the writer does nothing but stategenerally why he or she likes presidents; therefore, it lacks both specificity andpersuasiveness.

To achieve more effective elaboration in this part of the response, the writerneeds to focus his or her efforts on improving the quality of ideas in these twosentences. The student may accomplish this by strengthening thepersuasiveness of the idea introduced in the second sentence--"George Bush isvery famous"--and by replacing the last sentence with a specific reason thatprovides convincing support for the writer's choice. Following is an exampleof one such revision. (The underlined sections represent changes or additions.)

EXCERPT 1B (PERSUASIVE):

I would like to invite George Bush, because I havenever seen him in real life before. George Bush isvery famous to most people. All the teachers andstudents and maybe even the parents could shake hisband and get his autograph. Then we could ask himquestions. Like how does he like being the presidentand what it's like to be famous . He could also tell usbow he works with other countries and how we canhave peace on earth.

The second excerpt is based on the descriptive prompt on page 58 of thishandbook. This excerpt was taken from the student response (D-3) on page 63.

EXCERPT 2A (DESCRIPTIVE):

Boy did they [the cat and the dog] look funny. The doglooked weired with his red and white clothes on.Dogs don't usally have clothes on. His clothes werefunny looking. And he had a big nose two big earsand four short legs but he was standing on his backlegs. And he had a tail.

The writer needs to eliminate the general, extraneous, and obviousinformation in order to improve the overall quality of the elaboration. Whilethe sparse use of color words like "red and white" neither detracts from norenhances the effectiveness of a descriptive response, the sole use or overuse ofcolor words contributes little to the writer's descriptive purpose because colorwords allow the reader to obtain only a vague impression of the scene. Generalwords like "weired," "funny looking," and "big" are ineffective and must bereplaced with specific words that help to paint a clearer picture of the scene inthe reader's mind. The writer must also eliminate those sentences thatweaken the response. For example, the sentence "Dogs don't usally haveclothes on" is weak because it is extraneous and therefore nondescriptive; and,since all dogs have tails, the sentence "And he had a tail" is considered merelyobvious information that does not contribute to the effectiveness of theelaboration. Discarding these two sentences and adding, in their place,sentences containing specific descriptive detail would strengthen thedevelopment of ideas in the description. Following is an example of how astudent might revise the excerpt above to accomplish this. (The underlinedsections represent changes or additions.)

EXCERPT 2B (DESCRIPTIVE):

Boy did they look funny. The dog looked Sort of like aboy at the beach. He was wearing red and whiteswim trunks with a strive on the side and he had abaseball cap on. He had a long nose that was black atthe tip and it had some little speckles on the side. Hisears were floppy. And he was standing on his shortback legs. His spotted tail was stickinz straight outthe back of his swim trunks.

The third excerpt is based on the narrative prompt on page 130 of thishandbook. This excerpt was taken from the student response (N-3) on page135.

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EXCERPT 3A (NARRATIVE):

It started to change another color. I was thinkingthat I was trying to tell somebody to tell me if thestone was weerd because it was changing color. Iwas trying to take it out of my hand but it was stuck. Itell my mom if she can take it out. And it changedcolor. And I was thinking that was weerd and it wasstuck and that was weerd.

The writer needs to strengthen the logical progression of the story--that is, heor she must explain each event in more detail so that the reader is able tounderstand the significance of that event, as well as its logical connection tothe next event in the sequence. At the same time, the writer must eliminatethe unnecessary rambling and repetition (the stone "was weerd" and "wasstuck") because these are problems that keep the story from moving forward.The repetitive phrases add no new information: they fill up space on the pagebut have no other discernible purpose. To improve the overall effectiveness ofthis section of the narrative, the writer should include only those ideas thatcontribute to a more sustained, controlled, and elaborated sequence of events.Following is an example of how the student might revise to accomplish thistask. (The underlined sections represent changes or additions.)

EXCERPT 3B (NARRATIVE):

It started to change another color. It turned to abright blue and started glowing,_ I was amazed. Idecided to find out if the stone was weird. I wouldshow it to my mom Drst. She might know aboutstones that can change colors. I walked homequickly with the stone still in my hand. "Mom" Isaid. "Look at this strange looking stone." I tried totake it out of my hand to give to her, but it was stuck.I asked my mom if she could take it out of my hand.When she touched it, it changed to green. Suddenly itdropped out of my hand,

In all three of these excerpts, the writer's ability to refocus and revise hasstrengthened the clarity, logic, and development of ideas, thereby 'mprovingthe overall quality of the elaboration in that part of the response.

Elaborating for TAAS

Elaboration is an .mportant component of successful writing on the TAAS test,for the effectiveness of the student's response is, in large measure, determined

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by the quality of the development of ideas--that is, how clearly and thoroughlythe student develops those ideas that are relevant to the specified purpose.

However, many students encounter their greatest difficulties on the TAAS testin the area of elaboration. They may receive an unsuccessful rating of 1 on thecomposition simply because they failed to support their ideas with enoughdetails. Because the responses contain merely unelaborated ideas or too fewelaborated ideas, they lack the information or explanation necessary to beminimally successful. These responses are considered skeletal because thereare simply too many places in the text where the student needed to "tell more."hi fact, it is often what the student has failed to say rather than what he or shehas said that causes the response to receive a 1.

There is no single method through which support or elaboration may beachieved on TAAS; depending upon the purpose for writing, the writer mayuse a number of different methods to develop ideas effectively. Whatever thewriter's purpose, however, including information that does not add eitherexplicitly or implicitly to the reader's understanding of the response iscontrary to the whole notion of meaningful elaboration.

The quality of the support and/or elaboration in TAAS responses is assessed interms of how completely each idea is developed. Teachers can improvestudents' ability to develop ideas by teaching them what elaboration is and howit is achieved in a written response. Once students can distinguish betweeneffective and ineffective elaboration, they can learn to develop their ideas moreclearly, logically, and completely.

Students may also benefit from understanding that there are levels ofelaboration that range from minimal to thorough. Knowing these levels mayhelp students learn to evaluate the extent to which they have developed theirideas in any piece of writing.

Below are general definitions of the levels of elaboration as they apply to TAASresponses. Following these definitions are more specific explanations ofelaboration in descriptive, "how-to," narrative, classificatory, and persuasivewriting.

Extension

An idea is extended when it is minimally elaborated- -that is, when the writerlinks to it one or two additional specific pieces of pertinent information.

A Somewhat Elaborated Idea

If the writer links to the extension of an idea one or two more specific pieces ofpertinent information that add to the reader's understanding of the idea, thatidea is considered somewhat elaborated.

A Moderately Elaborated Idea

If the writer further clarifies a somewhat elaborated idea by describing orexplaining it in even greater detail, the idea becomes moderately elaborated.

When the writer adds specific pieces of pertinent information to each idea, heor she creates more effective elaboration. This effectiveness is the result of the"layering" of pieces of information. "Layering" may be defined as the way inwhich the pieces of information that are pertinent to each generated idea areconnected so as to support the idea logically and specifically. The more eachidea is layered, the greater, or deeper, the reader's understanding of the idea- -and the response as a whole - -will likely be.

Elaboration in Descriptive Writing

The writer's purpose in descriptive writing is to create a vivid image of anobject, person, place, situation, or concept in the reader's mind. The degree towhich the writer accomplishes this purpose is dependent upon his or her useof precise language and rich detail. In the case of a picture prompt, the writermay elaborate through a combination of specific word choice and the locationof objects or features, one in relation to another.

Following are examples of the levels of elaboration in a typical descriptiveresponse, based on the picture prompt on page 58. (The underlined sectionsrepresent additional levels of elaboration.)

UNELABORATED IDEA

There is a dog.

In this idea the dog is neither specifically described nor located.

EXTENDED IDEA

There is a dog. Ile has a pole.

The extension adds a piece of information--that the dog "has a pole"--to theoriginal idea, although the pole is neither specifically described nor preciselylocated.

SOMEWHAT ELABORATED IDEA

There is a dog. He is holding a long wooden pole inhis hands.

tl

In some instances the somewhat elaborated idea will contain more sentencesthan the extended idea. In the above example, however, both are twosentences. The difference between them is a matter of specific language andlocation--that is, the type of pole is identified ("long wooden"), and the pole isprecisely located in relation to the dog (He is holding it in his hands).

MODERATELY ELABORATED IDEA

There is a dog. He is holding a long wooden pole inhis hands. The Dole is halfway in the water. The dogis pushing the raft with it,

The third sentence provides the reader with even more specific informationabout the location of the pole (it's "halfway in the water"), and the last sentencefocuses on the pole's purpose (it's for "pushing the raft"). The addition of thesedetails creates more effective elaboration in this section of the response.

Elaboration in "How To" Writing

The writer's purpose in a "how-to" response is to explain a sequence or set ofsteps or stages in a process or activity so that this process or activity as a wholecan be clearly understood by the reader. In writing this type of response, thewriter may elaborate through a thorough, unambiguous, specific descriptionof each step or stage. This type of description facilitates the reader's completeunderstanding so that he or she can easily visualize or even replicate theprocess or activity simply by using the response as a guide.

The "how-to" prompt in this handbook (see page 94) requires the writer toexplain to a friend in his or her class how to make something special for theteacher. The following examples of the levels of elaboration have been takenfrom a typical response, in which the writer has chosen to explain how tomake a bookmark for the teacher. (The underlined sections representadditional levels of elaboration.)

SERIES OF UNELABORATED IDEAS

First you get a piece of paper. Next you cut out arecktanglar shap. Then you decorate it. Now you areready to give your bookmark to your teacher.

Because the steps above are unelaborated, they lack the specific detailnecessary to give the reader a dear sense of how to make a bookmark.

Note: All of the following examples of elaboration focus on the third sentence("Then you decorate it").

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EXTENDED IDEA

Then you decorate the front of it with some markers.

The extension adds information that specifically explains where the studentwill decorate the bookmark (on "the front of it") and what he or she will use todecorate it ("some markers").


Then you decorate the front of it with some markers.You could draw diffrent color flowers. You could putlittle extra things like glitter.

The writer adds two more specific details about the decoration of the bookmark,identifying the particular decoration the student might draw on the front of thebookmark ("diffrent color flowers"), then explaining how the student mightdecorate these flowers (put glitter on them). These details improve the qualityof the elaboration by making it easier for the reader to envision the decorationstep in the process.


Then you decorate the front of it with some markers.You could draw diffrent color flowers. You could putlittle extra things like glitter. And if you punch ahole at the top of the bookmark you could tie a peke ofpretty yarn through the hole for another decoration.

In the last sentence the writer focuses on another way the student coulddecorate his or her bookmark. By specifically showing how the student couldtie a piece of yarn to the top of the bookmark, the writer adds depth andsubstance to this step in the process. Note that in the original series ofunelaborated ideas, there was no detail whatsoever about this step; it simplyoccupied a particular place in the sequence. Elaborating on this idea,however, allows the writer to give the reader a better sense of how to decoratethe bookmark--that is, what will be drawn on its front, what will be used tocreate this drawing, any what else will be added to decorate the bookmark.This type of thoroughness creates effective elaboration and, combined withelaboration of other steps in the process, leads the reader to a thoroughunderstanding of how to make this "special present."

Elaboration in Narrative Writing

In narrative writing the writer develops a plot in order to tell a story. This plot,or story line, consists of a linked, sustained sequence of events that aremeaningfully related and that move through time. The more completely andspecifically each of these events is developed, the more each contributes to theeffectiveness of the story as a whole. The writer may use such methods asdescription, characterization, word choice, and dialogue to elaborate innarrative writing. The inclusion of description, for example, may help thereader to visualize the characters and the events of the story; rich details and avaried word choice may embellish the unfolding of events; and dialogue mayenhance characterization or make the story line more concrete andinteresting. However, in creating an effective, well-developed narrative, thewriter is not limited to these four particular methods of elaboration; othermethods may work equally well.

Following are examples of the levels of elaboration in a typical narrativeresponse, based on the prompt on page 130. (The underlined sectionsrepresent additional levels of elaboration.)

SERIES OF UNELABORATED IDEAS

I saw a sparkeling pink stone. I picked it up. Itchanged color. I found out it was valuble. Then Idecided to keep the sparkeling pink stone.

The ideas above constitute a linked sequence of events; but because they areunelaborated, the story line is no more than the skeleton of a narrative.

Note: All of the following examples of elaboration focus on sentences three andfour only ("It changed color. I found out it was valuble").

EXTENDED IDEA

I saw a sparkeling pink stone. I picked it up. As itrested in my palm, it changed to g bright orange. Ifound out it was valuble. Then I decided to keep thesparkeling pink stone.

The addition of the clause "As it rested in my palm," and the substitution of aspecific detail ("bright orange") for a general word ("color") creates a clearerimage of what happened once the narrator picked up the stone.


I saw a sparkeling pink stcne. I picked it up. As itrested in my palm, it changed to a bright orange. Itook it to my friend Mr. Wizzard. He said it wasvaluble because it was old. Then I decided to keep thesparkeling pink stone.

This additional elaboration provides a specific explanation of who tells thenarrator that the stone is valuable and why it is valuable, making the storymore concrete and interesting.


I saw a sparkeling pink stone. I picked it up. As itrested in my palm, it changed to a bright orange. Itook it to my friend Mr. Wizzard. He said it wasvaluble because it was old. "Why is this old stonevaluble" I asked? He said "It is anshant. It is fromthe time of dinasors." Then I decided to keep thesparkeling pink stone.

The addition of dialogue serves two purposes: it contributes to characterdevelopment, and it allows the writer to show, rather than simply to tell thereader, what happens in the story.

Elaboration in Classificatory Writing

The purpose of classificatory writing is to organize information into groups, orclasses. To accomplish this purpose, the writer must be able to identify andpresent in detail the similar and/or dissimilar characteristics of ideas, objects,people, or places. So that the reader can clearly understand the writer'sgroupings of these characteristics, the writer must provide for eachcharacteristic an explanation that is as specific and as complete as possible.To achieve the development necessary for this type of explanation, the writermay elaborate by using such methods as description, examples, reasons,illustrations, and/or anecdotes. Although any or all of these methods mayserve to develop ideas effectively in a classificatory response, other methodsmay be equally effective.

Following are examples of the levels of elaboration in a typical classificatoryresponse, based on the prompt on page 164. (The underlined sectionsrepresent additional levels of elaboration.)

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UNELABORATED IDEA

One good thing about television is you can learnthings.

Because this idea is both general and undeveloped, it contributes very little tothe reader's understanding of why television is good.

EXTENDED IDEA

One good thing about television is you can learnthings. It can tell you about other places in theworld,

The extension provides a specific example of one "thing" ("other places in theworld") that television can teach the writer.


One good thing about television is you can learnthings. It can tell you about other places in theworld. Like a man on the news told about theAmmazon rain forest.

In the last sentence the writer adds two relevent pieces of information to theidea introduced in the extension. The writer gives an example of oneparticular place in the world ("the Ammazon rain forest") about which he orshe has learned from television. In addition, the writer specifies from whomthis information was learned ("a man on the news").


One good thing about television is you can learnthings. It can tell you about other places in theworld. Like a man on the news told about theAmmazon rain forest. He told how people are cuttingit down. I didn't know about anything about thisnroble . Now I think we should help the rain forest.

The last three sentences present additional specific information about thekinds of learning experiences television can provide. For example, thesesentences identify exactly what the writer has learned about Amazon rainforests, as well as what effect this knowledge has had on the writer. Bymoderately elaborating on the original idea that "you can learn things" fromtelevision, the writer has provided the level of specific detail necessary tocontribute to a dear understanding of how television can be considered good.

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Elaboration in Persuasive Writing

In a persuasive response the writer must make a choice and then presentreasons that provide convincing support for that choice. In order to beconvincing, these reasons must be as specific and as detailed as possible, forthe specificity and thoroughness with which the writer develops these reasonsdetermine the quality of the elaboration, which in turn directly affects the forceof the persuasive argument.

The persuasive prompt in this handbook (see page 200) requires the writer tochoose a particular famous person to visit the school and then to convince theprincipal that this person would be the "best" choice. The following examplesof the levels of elaboration have been taken from a typical response, in whichthe writer has chosen Nolan Ryan, a major league baseball pitcher, as theperson he or she would want to visit the school. (The underlined sectionsrepresent additional levels of elaboration.)

UNELABORATED IDEA

No llan Ryan could teach all the students.

This idea presents one way that students could benefit from Nolan Ryan's visit;however, because the idea is not developed past suggesting that Nolan Ryanmight teach students, it does not provide convincing support for the writer'schoice.

EXTENDED IDEA

No llan Ryan could teach all the students. F o reatuulaillSMASitalliaaEleAcheathelalLialaattobatters.

The extension adds one piece of information specifying what Nolan Ryanmight teach students (how he pitches so fast).


Nollan Ryan could teach all the students. Forezample he could tell how he piches the ball so fast tobatters. Jie could talk about being a perfeshon1baseball picher and how he got so good.

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In the last sentence the writer continues to give examples of what studentsmight learn from Nolan Ryan. To the idea that Ryan might talk to studentsabout his ability to pitch fast balls, the writer attaches two additional ideas(what it's like to be a professional baseball player and how Ryan developed hisbaseball skill). These additional ideas strengthen the persuasiveness of thewriter's argument.


No llan Ryan could teach all the students. Forezample he could tell how he piches the ball so fast tobatters. He could talk about being a perfeshonalbaseball picher and how he got so good. ile mighteven pich for the classes and show us how to strikesome one out.

The writer improves upon the somewhat elaborated idea by presenting analtogether different way that students might benefit from a visit by NolanRyan--that is, they might get to see him pitch as well as to hear him talk aboutpitching and professional baseball. By moderately elaborating on the originalidea that "No llan Ryan could teach all the students," the writer has providedthe level of specific detail necessary to help convince the principal to acceptNolan Ryan as the "best" possible choice to visit the school.

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RETHINKING AND CLARIFYING THE DRAFT:THE REVISION STAGE

What is Revision?

Revision can be thought of as a three-part process: asking questions about apiece of writing, exploring alternative ways to express ideas, and decidingwhat changes to make in the piece. Revision occurs whenever the writerreexamines a piece of writing and makes changes so that the writing bettercommunicates his or her thoughts. The changes made during the revisionprocess may include any elements that make the message more effective. Thewriter may look at such features as organization, word choice, sentencestructure, elaboration, and purpose. The writer may add, delete, substitute, orreorganize material. During this pin. of the writing process, the writerfocuses on content- -what ideas to express and how to express them--leaving thecorrection of usage and mechanical errors for a later time.

Helping Students to Revise

An assumption sometimes made is that students can look at their writing andknow what needs to be improved and what kinds of changes to make. Inreality, students need to be shown how to revise. Without experience inrevision, young writers may tend to see their first draft of apiece as a finishedproduct. When given the opportunity to do a second draft, they may merelyrecopy their first draft more neatly, occasionally making a few mechanicalcorrections. Students need to be shown revision strategies and to be givenfrequent opportunities to practice them. Below are several ideas on teachingrevision that some teachers have found to be helpful.

Modeling

Modeling revision for students can be very beneficial, particularly in the earlystages of writing instruction and with young writers. It is helpful forbeginning writers to see examples of the kinds of questions one can ask about apiece of writing and of the kinds of changes that one might make to a piece.One way to model revision is to work with the class on a piece of writingdisplayed on a chart or transparency. This might be an anonymous piece, asample of the teacher's own writing, or a paper from the class (but one withouttoo many distracting mechanical errors). By asking the students appropriatequestions about the piece and getting their input on both the strengths of thewriting and the ways in which it might be improved, the teacher is actuallyproviding students with concrete examples of how to approach revision of theirown writing.

Conferencing

Talking to students one-on-one in brief conferences about their own writingallows the teacher to focus on the specific strengths, needs, and writingdifficulties of each student. It also provides an additional opportunity to modelrevision. While it is important to teach young writers how to improve upontheir wri'zing, it may be even more important to teach them to value what theyhave written. Therefore, an important first step in working with individualstudents is to identify the strengths of the piece of writing. In addition to thepowerful motivational advantage of helping a beginning writer to value his orher own writing, emphasizing its strengths helps the writer to see what partsof the writing are most appealing to the reader and should therefore beexpanded and emphasized. Once a piece's strengths have been addressed,then possible revisions can be explored. It may be useful, particularly whenrevising with beginning writers, to focus on only one or two revision issues at atime so that the student does not feel overwhelmed.

Mini-Lessons

A critical component of helping students to revise is giving them the skills theyneed to make appropriate changes. One way to demonstrate these skills in thecontext of student writing is to use "mini-lessons"--brief lessons focusing on aspecific problem or revision strategy and using sample writing to illustrate thepoint. For example, a mini-lesson about sentence fragments might involveidentifying the fragments in a piece of writing and having the class transformthem into complete sentences. A lesson on elaboration might involveexamining a piece of writing to show how more specific language wouldimprove the overall effectiveness of the piece. Students could then be given theopportunity to apply the same principle to a piece of their own writing.

Peer Revision

One effective way for students to learn to revise is to read (or hear) each other'swork. Beginning writers can learn a great deal about writing both from givingfeedback and from receiving it. However, it is important that students betrained in this process and that they be given specific guidelines, such asquestions to ask about a piece of writing (e.g., What was this piece of writingabout?), phrases to use (e.g., The part I liked best was . . .), a checklist, or someother tool to help focus their attention.

Shared Responsibility

During the revision process it is important for the student to feel a sense ofresponsibility for his or her own writing. For example, it may be useful toallow the student to choose the piece of writing he or she will revise, to makethe final decisions about what changes to make, and to write in the changeshimself or herself. The student is more likely to feel fully involved in therevision process when he or she retains some control over the piece.

"Mar g Up" A Draft

In addition to helping beginning writers with the tasks of examining a piece ofwriting and of deciding what changes to make, it may be useful to show themhow to mark these changes on their drafts. They may benefit from practicalsuggestions for managing revision, such as double-spacing on each draft toleave room to write in changes, writing drafts on one side of the paper so thatthey can cut and paste, crossing out words rather than trying to erase them,and circling words that they want to come back to later. It is particularlyimportant for students to see that "messing up" a paper is perfectly acceptableand is, in fact, an important component of revision.

Practice

In order to learn how to revise, students must have the opportunity to practicefrequently with many different kinds of writing. The more opportunities theyhave to revise, the more they are likely to internalize the process and apply it totheir writing independently.

Questions to Ask About a Piece of Writing

Improving a piece of writing involves asking many different kir ds of questionsabout the piece. Behind the larger question of how the message may becommunicated most effectively lie numerous smaller questions pertaining tosuch issues as purpose, clarity, organization, elaboration, word choice, andsentence structure. Some of the kinds of questions that might be addressedwith respect to a piece of writing include the following:

Purpose/Topic/Audience

What is the piece about?What is the author's purpose for writing?Has the writer stayed on topic?Who is the intended audience?

Clarity

Are all parts clear to the reader?Has information been left out that the reader needs to know?

Organization

Is there a more effective or logical way to arrange the ideas?Are there parts of the piece that are unnecessary?Has the writer repeated the same ideas unnecessarily?Are there digressions, or are there loose ends?Are transitions clearly marked?Is there a beginning, middle, and end?

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Word Choice

Has the writer used words correctly?Has the writer used specific, concrete words rather than vague, generalwords?Has the writer used active verbs?Is the language vivid?

Elaboration

Has the writer provided details and specific examples?Has the writer used anecdotes and illustrations where appropriate?Has the writer developed the ideas fully?Has the writer developed ideas consistently throughout the paper?

sentence Structure

Are the sentences complete?Are the sentences clear?Has the writer used a variety of sentence structures?Has the writer combined ideas where appropriate to produce moreeffective sentences?

Questions such as these may provide a useful starting point when workingwith students to revise a piece of writing. Once students have experienceanswering other readers' questions about their writing, they can begin tointernalize the process, asking these kinds of questions for themselves. Tofurther this process, some students may benefit from the use of a revisionchecklist. A checklist might consist initially of one or two questions wordedvery simply. The list could then be expanded as students acquire additionalrevision skills. For younger students, a checklist might include questions suchas the following:

What is my topic?Is there anything else the reader needs to know?Are there any parts of the piece that are confusing?Are there parts of the piece I don't really need?Are there better words I could use?Are my sentences complete sentences?Did I use different kinds of sentences?Did I put everything in the best possible order?Does my piece have a beginning and an ending?

While there are many different kinds of questions that can be asked about apiece of writing, it is important not to overwhelm the student by addressing toomany questions at once. Particularly with young writers, it may be preferableto focus on one or two issues at a time. Every issue does not need to beaddressed in every piece of writing.

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Revision Strategies With Young Writers

The revision strategies that young writers use may differ from those used byolder writers. In some cases, teaching young writers to revise may consistprimarily of showing them how to add more to their work--how to add details-for clarity, for example, or how to sustain a story. In order to learn to thinkabout the words they have used in a piece and what other words might workbetter, young writers may also particularly benefit from assistance with wordchoice.

Revising for TAAS

The ability to "resee" a piece of writing and to make appropriate changes to ithelps the student to communicate more effectively on all kinds of tasks,including responding to a TAAS prompt. Writing for TAAS is different fromclassroom writing assignments in to o important ways. First, the student doesall the writing in one session. Second, the student does not have access tooutside resources, such as peer feedback, the teacher, a dictionary, or agrammar book. For these reasons the TAAS composition is scored as a first-draft effort. However, this is not to say that the TAAS writer should not revise.In order to be successful on the TAAS written composition, the writer needs toorganize and develop his or her ideas to accomplish a specific writing purpose,activities that are very much tied to revision. The student who hasinternalized the writing process should know how to reexamine his or hercomposition without any teacher assistance. That student should be able touse revision to increase the effectiveness of the response.

In order to be successful on the TAAS written composition, students needrevision experience with all types of writing eligible for assessment. Asstudents are practicing a particular type of writing, it may be helpful to workwith them on revision issues specific to that type of writing, in addition to themore general issues discussed on pages 37-38. Some points that could beexamined include the following:

Informative/Descriptive

Does the writer include specific descriptive details?Are specific, concrete words used rather than vague, general words?Does the writer proceed in an orderly fashion (describing one elementfully before moving on to the next element)?Is there extraneous material that does not add to the quality of thedescription?Is the picture, object, person, or place described in enough detail thatsomeone who has not seen it could form a dear visual image of it?Does the description tell where objects/features are located?

Informative/Narrative ("How To")

Does the writer fully explain each step of the process so that someoneelse could repeat the process?Does the writer use specific details to make each step of the process clearand vivid?Does the writer list the steps in the right order?Does the writer move in an orderly fashion, completing one step beforemoving on to the next step?Does the writer use transitional words to move from step to step?

Ezpressive/Narrative

Does the writer use specific and vivid details to enhance the story line?Does the story move forward through time?Does the story have a clear beginning and ending?Are there any confusing spots where the writer needs to provide moreinformation?Does the story have any unexplained shifts in time or location?Is there extraneous material that interrupts the flow of the story?

Informative/Classificatory

Are the objects classified according to the specified criteria (e.g., thegood/bad qualities of something; how two things are both alike anddifferent)?Does the piece present specific information about the objects?Are the connections among ideas dear?Does everything in the piece contribute to the classification?

Fersuasive/Descriptive

Is the writer's position clearly stated?Does the writer present arguments in support of the position?Are the writer's arguments supported with specific information and/orexamples?Does everything in the piece help to support the writer's position?Are the connections among ideas logical?

Examples: Revision and TAAS

The writing process for TAAS may take many forms. One student maybrainstorm to develop a list of ideas, then rearrange and expand those ideasinto a final product. Another may write a rough draft, then mark up that draftextensively before writing a second draft on the lined pages. A third studentmay do much of the revision work internally, writing just a few notes beforemoving into a final version.

40

Following are annotated examples of some of the many ways a student writermight revise when applying the writing process to a TAAS prompt. Theseexamples are based on the prompts included in this handbook. Each examplerepresents a small portion of an entire piece of writing and includes aprewriting activity and/or first draft, revisions, and a final version in whichadditions and substitutions made during revision have been underlined.

Persuasive/Descriptive Writing

EXCERPT FROM FIRST DRAFT

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I would like you to invite Micheal Jordann to visit ourschool because I think that he could teach us a lot ofimportant stuff. For example he can show us how tobe better athletes. He can teach us how to pass to thebasket and how to dunk the ball. Another good thingis he could talk to us about drugs and he could tell usto just say no because drugs are bad for you!

This writer made a number of different kinds of revisions to his piece. Hereorganized the piece so that two related ideas are now next to each other(showing the students how to be better athletes and teaching them to pass andshoot) and eliminated a sentence which did not contribute to the persuasivepurpose of the piece ("I saw him play last week but the Bulls lost anyway"). Healso developed each idea more completely. For example, in the first draft thewriter mentioned that Jordan could teach the students how to pass and shoot.In the second draft he developed this idea further, being more specific aboutwhat exactly Jordan would teach them about passing (passing to the basket)and shooting (dunking the ball). In addition, the writer adjusted the firstsentence of the letter to better fit the audience (from "You should invite" to "Ithink you should invite" to "I would like you to invite"). Finally, he establishedclearer links among ideas by using transitional phrases (e.g., "Forexample..." and "Another good thing is...").

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EXCERPT FROM FIRST DRAFT

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A good thing about watching TV is you can see somereally good shows. Like the Cosbys show andGrowing Pains and Cartoons on Saturday. Anothergood thing is you can watch the news and you canfind out everything that happened today. A bad thingis you can hurt your eyes if you watch for too long.

In her first draft this writer presented three unelaborated ideas--twoadvantages and one disadvantage of watching television. In the second draftshe expanded on each of these bare ideas, adding specific information toexplain and/or illustrate them. For example, in the: flzst draft she mentionedthat a disadvantage is that you can hurt your eyes. In the second draft sheadded a piece of information to clarify this idea (". . . if you watch for too long").The writer also improved the organization of the piece, discussing the twoadvantanges before addressing the disadvantage.

43

4 7

E2=fainaiaaatinlYzitingIn this example based on the response (N-15) on page 157, the writerapproached revision somewhat differently. She began by charting the episodesin her story, then took each episode and addressed it separately, writing one ortwo preliminary drafts before doing a final version. Included in this exampleare both early and final drafts of the first two episodes in the story.

EXCERPTS FROM EARLY DRAFTS

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One day I was walking along the road and I sawsomething sparkling on the sidewalk. At first Ithought it was a quarter. but when I got closer Icould tell it was only a stone. I was mad but I pickedit up anyway. Then the stone got bigger and itchanged colors.

The writer began with a bare, minimally elaborated version of each episode inthe narrative sequence. She gradually expanded each episode, adding detailsand choosing more effective words in order to create a more vivid version ofeach episode. Her final result is extremely effective and allows the reader tovisualize exactly what happened the day she found the pink stone.

45'

"CLEANING UP' THE DRAFT: THE EDITING STAGE

What is Editing?

Once the writer has generated ideas, developed them into a draft, and revisedthe piece for content and organization, he or she is ready to address thegrammatical and mechanical errors in a piece. In this handbook this stage ofthe writing process is referred to as the editing stage. The term "editing" isused to refer to all of the activities and strategies that the writer uses to removeerrors from a piece of writing. The word "proofreading," often usedsynonymously with editing, is used in this handbook to refer to the finalreading of a piece, during which the writer makes a final check for remainingerrors.

Addressing error correction only after the writer feels satisfied with thecontent and organization of a piece can be particularly beneficial for youngwriters. It is sometimes difficult for children to concentrate on more than onetask at a time. If the child becomes overly concerned about errors in the earlystages of writing a piece, he or she may be distracted from the task of decidingwhat to say and how to say it. In addition, he or she may be less apt to takecompositional risks and more likely to focus on whether or not each word orsentence is "right." On the other hand, if the child knows that errors will beaddressed in the final stages of writing a piece, he or she is free to concentrateon the effective communication of ideas during the early stages of writing.

Helping Students to Edit

To say that correcting errors might best be done in the later stages of writing isnot to say that editing is not important. Errors interfere with communicationby impeding the reader's ability to understand the ideas the writer is trying tocommunicate. Therefore, it is important for the writer to learn how to identifyand correct errors before pronouncing a piece to be finished.

Helping student writers to edit their work may involve many of the samestrategies as helping them to revise. For example, it may be particularlyhelpful to model editing, to provide frequent opportunities for practice, and toallow the student to select the pieces that he or she will edit.

Editing Strategies

Editing can be approached in many different ways. Following are a number ofideas that some teachers have used effectively to manage editing in theclassroom.

Cultivate a healthy attitude toward errors

Correcting errors is an integral part of the writing process. Cultivating ahealthy attitude toward errors may be very reassuring for young writers, whoneed to understand that all writers make errors and that making errors doesnot mean they are poor writers.

Hold editing conferences

The purpose of the editing conference is to work on the individual student'sstrengths and weaknesses. The editing conference focuses specifically on errorremoval and mechanical skills rather than on content or organization. Likethe revision conference, the editing conference should begin with identificationof strengths and successes. When working individually with young writers, itmay be most beneficial to address one or two types of errors at a time.Concentrating on only one or two skill areas at a time allows the student tomaster and internalize those skills more readily than if he or she tries toabsorb a wide range of mechanics and usage rules all at once.

Have the student read a piece several times for different purposes

The successful editor uses a variety of techniques to find different kinds oferrors. For example, when checking for end marks, the editor reads carefullyfor sentence sense. However, when checking for capitalization of the firstword of a sentence, the editor skims to an end mark and checks thoroughlyonly the next word. One technique for identifying errors, then, is to readthrough a piece several times, focusing each time on a particular type of error.

Have the student check the piece against a checklist

This may be an individual checklist developed for each student and attached tohis or her writing folder. It may also be a large, more generic chart used by allstudents. The checklist, whether for an individual or a group, may bemodified as students acquire additional skills.

Have the student identify possible misspellings on early drafts

When a student is not sure of the spelling of words, circling or underliningthem immediately has several advantages. If the student writes the wordseveral times during drafting, the word may begia to look acceptable, and thestudent may forget his or her initial uncertainty about the spelling. Bymarking the problem words early on, the student acquires the habit ofidentifying words that need to be checked. In addition, this allows the studentto continue to write without being distracted by concerns about possiblespelling errors.

Have the student read backwards for spelling errors

One technique to help student writers find spelling errors they might overlookin a quick reading is to have them read the paper backwards, looking at oneword at a time and looking specifically for spelling errors.

Have the student keep a list of frequently misspelled words

Another technique to help students minimize spelling errors is to have eachstudent keep a list of words that he or she frequently misspells and, during theediting process, check each piece of writing to be edited against that list.

Use peer editing

Peer editing can be an important source of feedback for young writers whenthose giving feedback are given specific guidelines to follow. One way to usepeer editing is to have an editing circle, in which a paper is passed around asmall group, with each member looking at the paper for a different type oferror. Another way to use peer editing is to have several stronger studentsfunction as an editing team to whom the other students can bring their work.

Create an editing table

One way to manage the editing phase is to have an editing table wherestudents may go to use dictionaries and other resources necessary forsuccessful editing. An editing team might sit at this table as well.

Have the student proofread the final draft before turning it in

After applying various editing strategies, the student may want to do a finalproofreading to check for any remaining errors. Reading the piece aloud maybe particularly useful during this stage. If the student has recopied a piece, heor she may want to compare the recopied version word-for-word with theprevious version.

Act as the final editor

One of the most important aspects of teaching instruction is teaching studentsto internalize the writing process and to use all the resources available tothem. When student writers learn to edit, they discover procedures they canuse to correct their own work. When a student has gone through all of theseprocedures and pronounces a piece finished, then the piece is ready for theteacher, who will be the final editor.

Spare the red pen

In order to encourage beginning writers to take compositional risks, it iscritical to reinforce risk-taking. One way to do this is to be very sparing inmarking up a paper, particularly in correcting errors. Marking all of the

49 0.r-

errors on a paper can both discourage and overwhelm a young writer. Onealternative to circling all of the errors on a piece is to record on a separate notecard the kinds of errors made, limiting comments made on the piece itself toone or two types of errors. These cards can then serve as a resource for theteacher in planning instruction and future editing conferences.

Publish selected pieces of writing

"Publishing" selected pieces of writing may help students to view their writingas a way to communicate a message and may provide them with a motivationfor finding and correcting errors. Publication of a piece may be accomplishedin any number of ways, such as posting it on a bulletin board or creating aclass "book" that contains a piece of writing from everyone in the class.

Helping Students to Master Mechanical Skills

An important part of learning to edit for errors is learning correct usage andmechanics. Students must first master these language skills before they cansuccessfully edit for errors in their own writing. Some of the kinds of skillsthat might be addressed in the classroom include the following:

PunctuationCapitalizationSpellingSubject-verb agreementCorrect usage of verb tenseCorrect usage of pronounsCorrect usage of adjectives and adverbsSentence structure

Below are some specific strategies that teachers might use to help youngwriters improve their skills in language usage and mechanics.

Teach skills in the context of student writing

Many teachers have reported that usage and mechanics are best learned whentaught in the context of student writing rather than in isolation through drillsand exercises. When students apply their knowledge of a skill to their ownwriting, they often develop a "feel" for the skill, an experience that studentslearning through worksheets do not seem to share.

Teach skills through mini-lessons

One way to teach skills in the context of student writing is to begin with a mini-lesson on a specific skill, illustrating the skill through a piece of writing.Students can then work in small groups on a specific task related to that skill.For example, the teacher presents a lesson on end punctuation by having

groups look at end punctuation in a piece of writing. Each student thenexamines the end punctuation in a piece of his or her own writing.

Reinforce skill acquisition through writing

Once a skill has been presented, it can be reinforced by having students focuson that skill in a particular piece of writing, by having them add it to theediting checklist, or, for students who are having particular difficulties, byconferencing with them on that skill.

Teach skills as the need arises

An important issue in teaching language skills is determining the order inwhich to focus on specific skills. One approach is to examine student writingand present those skills that are posing particular difficulties for students.For example, if students have become interested in writing dialogue for anarrative but do not understand how to punctuate dialogue, a presentation onthe use of quotation marks would be timely.

Have students write often

One of the most effective ways for students to learn language skills is to writeoften. The more practice young writers have writing, revising, and editing,the better their language skills will likely become.

Have students read frequently

Students learn writing skills through reading as well as through writing.Once they become familiar with the writing process, they will begin toapproach reading from the point of view of a writer and will begin to noticehow authors use language and mechanics.

Editing and the TAAS Composition

Because the TAAS composition is written in one sitting and is scored as a first-draft effort, editing is less critical on the TAAS written composition than aresome other aspects of the writing process. However, students who havelearned to edit their own work will be able to scrutinize their compositions andidentify and correct many of the errors. While they cannot check their spellingin a dictionary, they can look over punctuation, capitalization, and usage,applying the language skills they have acquired at the time of testing. Inaddition, they can proofread for careless errors.

Editing/Proofreading and the Multiple-Choice Portion of TAAS

Students are asked to apply editing and proofreading skills on the multiple-choice portion of the TAAS test. This portion of the TAAS test assesses

students' mastery of the conventions of standard English, as well as theirability to edit and proofread. Because these skills are assessed in the context ofreading a passage and correcting the errors it contains, the best preparationfor the multiple-choice section of the TAAS writing test is to teach students tofind and correct the errors in their own or a peer's writing.

Three skill areas are assessed in the multiple-choice portion of the TAASwriting test: sentence structure, usage, and language mechanics. These skillareas correspond to Objectives 5, 6, and 7 of the TAAS English Language ArtsWriting Objectives and Measurement Specifications.

sentence Structure

Objective 5: The student will recognize appropriate sentence constructionwithin the context of a written passage.

At Grade 5, items for this objective will assess the following instructionaltargets:

Recognize complete sentences and avoid fragments and run-onsCombine sentence parts and sentences to produce a variety of sentencestructures including basic sentence patterns and variations

These skills are tested in the context of a written passage that may containfragments; run-ons; short, choppy sentences; and correctly formed sentences.The student must choose the best sentence structure for each underlinedportion of the passage, making the same kinds of decisions that he or shemakes when looking at sentence structure in his or her own writing.

Usage

Objective 6: The student will recognize appropriate English usage within thecontext of a written passage.


Use the correct subject, object, and possessive forms of pronounsUse correct subject-verb agreement with personal pronouns andcompound subjectsRecognize correct verb tense and correct form of tense of irregular verbsUse the correct forms of adjectives and adverbs

These skills are again tested in the context of a written passage. The passagecontains numbered blanks. For each blank the student must decide which offour choices would correctly complete the sentence. Again, this activityrepresents the kind of decision-making in which young writers engage whenediting their own writing.

52

Mechanica

Objective 7: The student will recognize appropriate spelling, capitalization,and punctuation within the context of a written passage.


Use the fundamentals of spellingUse appropriate capitalizationUse the fundamentals of punctuation

This objective, like Objective 5, assesses the student's ability to look at a piece ofwriting and to identify errors in the piece. The student reads a brief passagecontaining several underlined sections, each of which may or may not have anerror in spelling, capitalization, or punctuation. Just as he or she must dowhen reviewing his or her own writing, the student must first decide whetheran error exists and, if so, which kind of error it is. This section assesses thestudent's ability to apply proofreading skills to a piece of writing. As with theother sections of the multiple-choice portion of the test, the more experience astudent has editing and proofreading pieces of writing, the better he or she willlikely perform on the test items.

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SCORE POIll'r 0

0 = RESPONSES THAT ARE NOT SCORABLE BECAUSE THEY ARE BLANK OR FAIL INOTHER WAYS TO RESPOND TO THE TASK. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OFRESPONSES FALL INTO THE "0" CATEGORY:

Responses in which the student writes on an entirely different topicthan the one specified.

Responses in which the student makes an attempt to respond, but thisattempt contains so little writing that the reader cannot discernwhether the student is responding to the prompt.

Responses in which the student repeats or paraphrases the prompt butdoes not attempt to respond to it.

Responses in which the student writes entirely in a language other thanEnglish.

Responses that are completely unreadable because they are illegible orincoherent. Illegible responses are those in which the handwritingcannot be read; letters may be discernible, but they do not formrecognizable words. Incoherent responses are those in which letters orwords are strung together in a meaningless fashion.

Responses that contain nothing sore than an explicit refusal to respondto the specified prompt, although the student may offer some explanationof his or her refusal.

Blank papers.

SCORE POIRT

1 = RESPONSES THAT ARE UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS AT PAINTING A PICTURE OFTHE OBJECT OR SCENE IN THE READER'S MIND. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OFRESPONSES FALL INTO THE "1" CATEGORY:

Responses that use the wrong purpose/mode; i.e., they do not include therequisite components of informative/descriptive writing. In theseresponses the writer does not use descriptive words and/or phrases topaint a picture of the object or scene specified in the prompt.

Responses that are informative/descriptive bat are unsuccessful in theirpresentation. Responses that attempt to describe but are not successfulmay take the following forms:

Responses that contain a brief phrase with some indication of anattempt to attend to the task.

Responses that are lists of descriptive words and/or phrases.

so Responses that are so brief and unelaborated that the reader canobtain only a vague impression of the picture.

so Responses that contain elaboration, but the elaboration is mainlynonspecific or extraneous.

so Responses that attend very briefly to the task but do not remainon the topic. These responses acknowledge the assignment but thenswitch to another topic.

Resp :Ises that are poorly organised. These responses are so poorlyorganized that the reader is confused and is unable to discern even avague picture of the scene or object. Poor organization may be caused byexcessive rambling and/or repetition.

Responses that exhibit an overall lack of control of written language nothat communication is impaired. The expression of the writer's thoughtsis so confusing that the reader is left wondering what the writer isattempting to say.

N At the word level there may be repeated errors in the spelling ofbasic words, in word choice, and/or in usage.

es At the sentence level confusion occurs when words are not arrangedin a logical order, or when there is an apparent order but themeaning is nevertheless unclear. It is inappropriate for readersto guess at the writer's intent or to make inferences about thewriter's meaning.

em At the composition level responses lack explicit connectionsbetween ideas, and attempts at illustrations of ideas are eitherirrelevant or repetitious.

60

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MI. aeoot r<4104 flitThe However, iswriter attempted to respond to the prompt. the responseunsuccessful because it does no more than list features that give thereader only a vague impression of the picture. To achieve a higherscore, the writer would need to elaborate by doing one or more of the

following: add more descriptive details to the existing features/

objects, include specific descriptions of more features/ objects, and/orlocate some features /objects in relation to others. The writer needsremediation in how to develop ideas to create an accurate mental imageof a scene.

SCORE POINT 1

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This response is an attempt at description, but it is unsuccessfulbecause of severe language control problems that at times leave thereader wondering what the writer is trying to say. Word omissions andextensive misspellings of basic words cause confusion, and the wordsimmediately preceding "prtte piknik bskrit" are indecipherable. Thetriter needs remediation in basic language skills. Continued languageinstruction and frequent opportunities to write should help the writerto gain better language control and greater fluency.

SCORE POINT I

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Although this response is rather lengthy, almost all of the elaborationis ineffective because it provides only vague and general information(e.g., his clothes were "red and white" and "funny looking;" he had "bigears," "short legs"); extraneous, nonvisual information (e.g., "couldtalk just like a human," "were very good friends"); or obviousinformation (e.g., the cat "had wiskers and two legs and two arms and atail"). Such elaboration does not help the reader to envision the sceneclearly. To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to eliminatethis ineffective elaboration, including instead more specific, visuallydescriptive details about the features/objects in the picture. It wouldbe especially important for the writer to learn the difference betweeneffective and ineffective methods of elaboration in a description.

SCORE POINT 1

If YOH NE MORI ',PAC! CONTINUE ON ENE NT X I rA(.f A

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some descriptive information through the location(e.g., trees on the "left of the river;" "dinsour

sufficient specific description to be minimallythe response is vague and general; for example,

dog is wearing a hat, a shirt, and shortsthese pieces of clothing look like. In addition,

incomplete information; that is, the writer mentionsthe raft down the river but doesn't explain

score, the writer would need to improve theThe writer would benefit from remediation

details and spatial location in a descriptionof a scene.

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64

67

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Although the writer includes some descriptive elements in this response,

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he or she does not include enough of the requisite components ofinformative/descriptive writing to be minimally successful. The writerplaces the cat and dog on a raft, briefly describes what the cat iswearing and what the dog is doing, and later describes the dinosaur'stail. However, for the major portion of the response, the writerdeviates from the descriptive task to tell a story about what happenswhen the cat and dog meet the dinosaur. The writer appears to be unclearabout how to write a sustained description and would therefore benefitfrom remediation in descriptive writing, especially with regard to the

in description differ. Having frequentways which a and a narrativeopportunities to write both descriptions and narratives would be, a vitalpart of this learning process.

SCORE POINT 1

IF YOU NE,E D MORI SPACE CON TINUI ON THE NI XT PAGE

65

SCORE Ponrr. 2

2 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT MINIMALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS Ai!PAINTING A PICTURE OF THE OBJECT OR SCENE IN THE READER'S MIND.THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "2" CATEGORY:

Responses that present a minimally sufficient amount of descriptivedetails. These responses may take the following forms:

s Responses that present a lengthy, unelaborated list of sentencescontaining descriptive details.

so Responses that present a somewhat elaborated description of thepicture.

se Responses that include a substantial amount of nondescriptivewriting. These responses include a somewhat elaborated descriptionof the picture, but the description may be embedded in anarrative. The extraneous material does not assist in painting aclearer picture of the drawing in the reader's mind, though someof these responses may be well written.

Responses in which the organization mmy be flawed by rambling and/orrepetition. Although these inconsistencies may disrupt the logicalprogression of the response, they do not cause confusion.

Responses that zhibit limited control of written language. Theseresponses may contain awkward or simple sentence structures, and wordchoice may be limited. In addition, the responses may include spelling,capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage errors that are likely tooccur in first-draft writing.

66

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This response is a minimally successful attempt to describe the picture.The writer presents a list of details, using precise, rather than

language. For example, "has on" indicates a more precisegeneral,location of the hat than "has," and "sunglasses" and "cowboy hat" are

"glasses" "hat."more specific than and In addition, this responseincludes some attempt to locate (e.g., the dinosaur is "right in back"of the raft) and to elaborate (e.g., the cat's shirt has "wigle shapeson it"). To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to includeadditional specific details. More precise location of the features/objects would also strengthen the response.

SCORE POINT 2

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This response is a minimally successful attempt at visual description.Although there is enough specific descriptive detail, includinglocation. for the reader to have some understanding of the scene. theresponse nas some organizational weaknesses. ine writer uoes nor use anoverall strategy to progress logically through the picture. The writerfirst tells what the cat and dog are doing and wearing, then shifts toother items on the raft, then returns to the cat and dog to mention thatthey are wearing clothes. Then the writer mentions the serpent, thenthe land, the dog on, in seemingly random fashion. Thisagain, and so a

random movement causes the writer to be repetitious in places. Forexample, the writer begins the response by specifically describing thecat's and the dog's clothing, then several sentences later unnecessarilystates that "the dog and the cat have on closes." To achieve a higherscore, this writer would need to improve the organization of theresponse, as well as to add specific descriptive details that would helpthe reader to visualize the scene more clearly. Practice in usingprewriting activities to generate and organize ideas might be ofparticular benefit to this writer.

SCORE POINT 2

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60 ON

This response contains some narrative and other extraneous material thatdoes not help to create a clear impression of the scene in the reader'smind; however, the writer includes enough visual description to earna 2. Although the writer attempts to encase the description in anarrative framework, he or she overemphasizes the narrative element atthe end of the response (see last three sentences) and includes anarrative sentence in the middle of the response ("Sudenly they herd aLoud growl..."). In addition, the quality of the elaboration is uneven.For example, action verbs are particularly helpful to the reader inplacing the animals in context (e.g., the cat was "sitting" and"holding" a fishing pole, and the dog was "standing up"). Comparing therope to a wound-up rattler is also visually effective. However,comparing the fishing pole to the grandmother's fishing pole contributeslittle to the reader's understanding because the reader is not familiarwith the grandmother's pole and thus has no frame of reference. Theresponse also contains some description that is obvious (e.g., "the cathad two eyes a nose and a mouth") and therefore cannot be consideredeffective elaboration. To achieve a higher score, the writer would needto include more specific visual details of the features/objects in thescene. Learning to distinguish between effective and ineffectivedescription would be beneficial to the writer in that it would allow himor her to eliminate those details that do not help to create a clearimage of the scene in the reader's mind.

SCORE POINT 2

71

D-9

Inal Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 'I - Written Composition

Grade5

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Although this response cuntains some vague and general description _(e.g., "purple and green shirt," "large and long" cap), it includesenough precise, visually descriptive details to be minimally successful. --

Specifics such as "ponted tail" and "frog eyes" are examples of thesetypes details. The writer also includes the location of theoffeatures /objects described and the relationship of one feature/object to

"next "on," "behind," "under,"another. Location words such as to," and"in font of" help the reader to envision the scene. To achieve a higherscore, the writer would need to add a greater number of specific detailsin order to describe more consistently and fully the features/objects---included in the picture.

SCORE POINT 2

II YOU NI I I) MO!!! `,PAl I ( ON LINO! ON 1111 NI X T PAGE

UST COPY MILANI 7 3

SCORE POINT 3

3 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT GOOD ATTEMPTS AT DESCRIBING THE PICTURE.THE READER HAS LITTLE DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE WRITER ISATTEMPTING TO SAY. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE"3" CATEGORY:

Responses that present a moderately elaborated description of thepicture. These responses may take the following forms:

Responses that present a well-elaborated description of a smallset of features.

Responses that present a moderately elaborated description of someof the features.

Responses that present a number of features that are only somewhatelaborated but have an apparent organizational strategy, althoughoccasional rambling and/or repetition may occur.

oo Responses that present a large number of specific descriptivedetails about the features but have weak organization. The detailspresented in these responses, however, are not contradictory.

Responses that eadaibit a control of the written language, althougherrors in capitalisation, punctuation, and/or usage may occur

in these first-draft attewts.

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This response represents a good attempt at describing the picture. Thewriter uses a narrative framework that serves only to introduce andconclude the response, thereby not detracting from the description. Theorganizational strategy is clear and encompasses nearly all of thefeatures/objects in the The writer uses effective location ---Jpicture.throughout the response and avoids introducing any extraneous materialwhen moving from the raft to what surrounds the raft to what is on it.Except for the picnic items, the writer provides some additional detailsabout each feature/object mentioned, without dwelling extensively on anyone feature/object. Although there are a few general descriptors (e.g.,"big," "preaty"), most are specific (e.g., "flat, "bushy," "baggy,");and the use of comparison to describe the monster's tail helps the 1reader to form a clear visual image of it. To achieve a score point 4,the writer would need to include additional specific descriptive detailsabout some of the features/objects described in the response.

__

SCORE POINT 3

75

A

D-11

VAR"ima ICACIb ii.bm:MblillifilL UT PAGUElletTlIc °KUMPart 1 - Written Composition

Grade5

Li L,101/15 fa_ ziesericie a 4 amid_ Lai lie iA.2. y 1 was sItingIt 4k.. edge. err 4ile_ wadart ran- itt 4.1f. itke. IL. don vac lite.pushilly

IfweeIen I-A wi4h a. brancli l_patn CI ,.ee. -ne dm Wag Sp31.1ed tind had5JintIS and a_ _Q.11 arici SanyLaSSeS ad, Thr ha ia rope and ape' nic

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This response represents a good attempt at describing the picture. Iton the

to

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help theof 3.

of these

similes(e g.,4, the

moves in an organized fashion from the animals and equipmentraft, to the raft itself, to the to the land, finallymonster, andthe lake. Although the writer lists the items on the raftelaborating on them, the precise word choice throughout the responsethe amount of description included about the sea monsterresponse to achieve the elaboration characteristic of a scoreNote, for example, the precision of the words in the second sentence:"fuzzy," "sitting," "edge," "wooden raft," "in the lake." Allwords convey specific visual information about the cat. The descriptionof the monster is particularly effective through the use of apt(e.g., "His head wls as big as godzillas face") and action verbs"swimming," "poping," "smilling"). To achieve a score point

to include the features/I

writer would need more elaboration of some ofobjects in the scene (e.g., of the wooden raft or the dog's clothing),along with more location of the features/objects.

SCORE POINT 3

76

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Although this response contains some minor organizational problems, thelevel of visual information presented is such that the responserepresents a good attempt at describing most of the features in thepicture. To paint a clear picture, the writer makes good use of location(e.g., "on the left side," "on the front of," "on top of," "out of theback of") and action verbs (e.g., "fishing," "pushing," "wearing").Additional effective devices include comparisons (e.g., "tail looks likea shark tail but longer," "rope that is curled up like a snake") andprecise word choice (e.g., "baseball hat, "thermas jug," "suglasses").To achieve a score point 4, the writer would need to elaborate morefully on some of the features/objects in the scene (e.g., the raft andthe land) and to strengthen the organization, describing one feature ata time rather than interspersing information about the raft and thepicnic items between descriptions of Bill and Bob.

SCORE POINT 3

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This organized response differs from the other responses that received3s in that it primarily describes the cat and dog. That is, instead ofgiving a somewhat elaborated description of a number of features, thewriter presents a consistent, well-elaborated description of a small setof features. There is effective use of location (e.g., "the cat's legsare hanging over the side of the raft"), precise language (e.g., "pointyears," "standing on tiptoes," "Dalmasion"), and effective figurativelanguage ("her eyes look like upside down half moons with little dotshanging from the middle of them"). To achieve a score 4, thepointwriter would need only to apply this level of elaboration to some of the

features/objects inother the picture.

SCORE POINT 3

-,,

80

SCORE POINT 4

= RESPONSES THAT ARE CONSISTENT AND ELABORATED INFORMATIVEDESCRIPTIONS. THE INCONSISTENCIES THAT MAY OCCUR ARE OVERWHELMEDBY THE OVERALL QUALITY OF THE RESPONSE. THESE RESPONSES ARECHARACTERIZED BY MOST OF THE FOLLOWING:

A specific, well-elaborated description. Generally the writer willdescribe a lengthy set of features elaborated through the use offigurative language and/or rich detail.

A consistent organizational strategy. Although minor lapses may occur,the response has a cleir sense of order and completeness. If anotherwise well-written response ends abruptly because the writer has runout of space, the paper is still eligible for.a "4."

Consistent control of the written language. Though the writer may notincorporate all of the appropriate mechanics or conventions of language,the response is particularly effective.

In addition, these responses may present some special feature that makesthem particularly effective, such as:

Varied syntactic constructions, including compound and complexsentences.

Effective word choice, including apt or striking words, phrases,or expressions.

81

D-14

MBuexas /Assessment ar mcaaemic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

Grade5

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ct. dol c&rtd sontQ. -1.hincs rbr O rile-ri Ise,TheLs &seq. be.; vN Fltot.oe,4 b cL. sea.-nions+er.

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yjh \ a- c_rosswai s. Ihe 'beards are. tic i nct 0.-.

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630 ON

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This response earns a 4 because of the overall quality of elaboratl,,nand organization. The organizational strategy is laid out in the firstparagraph and is followed throughout the response as the writermeticulously describes one feature/object after another. The elaborationis effective because the writer uses layers of specific details thatallow the reader to form an accurate mental image of most of thefeatures/objects in the picture. In addition, the writer employs someunusual descriptive techniques to emphasize certain qualities of some ofthese features /objects; for example, the writer accentuates the "bitty"size of the waves by telling the reader that they "are not big enuf tomake the raft bounse very much." The writer uses similar techniques toestablish the thickness of the trees on the land and the light weight ofthe dog and cat on the raft. Although the response lacks a sense ofcompleteness because it ends abruptly, the two pages of writing giveevery indication that the writer could have described in detail each andevery feature of the picture if only there had been more paper.Therefore, the absence of a conclusion does not affect the score.

SCORE POINT 4

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Even though not all of the features/objects in the picture are includedin this response; it is an organized, concise, well-elaborateddescription. The response contains no extraneous information; everysentence improves the quality of the elaboration, helping to create avivid impression of the scene in the reader's mind. Each feature/objectthat the writer describes includes a number of details. Note, forexample, how the sentence describing the rope layers detail upon detail:the writer precisely locates the rope on the raft (it is on the "frontlefthand side"), tells how it is arranged (it is "curled into at leastsix big rings"), and then gives two additional pieces of informationabout the end of the rope (it is "sticking out" and has "a knot in it").The entire response is evenly elaborated in this way, incorporatinglocation, action verbs, and specific nouns and adjectives into a tightlywoven visual description. In addition, the organizational strategy isclear and consistent throughout: the writer describes the raft, thenthe picnic items, then the dog and cat, and finally the monster.

SCORE POINT 4

.96

7i,....,, un44.6 4(4.1 cat w;17-) et. 1)&1 s4;4-

and. silos s, The. cat is -F i shing . Pro bah Ito cath his de/icious -CIA di neT)er, het-e.. Isalso o. 4195 . They are on a. race in ttAe. mialeof tile riqe,r--. Thi Jai looks very atichst.40./ too.The cot &nit tile do `j look of I i kecl.46(, k irictof like dielimats. 711e 405 /oaks a. toI/ kg 4. dalmationi but he is staresh15 04 he'shind le's like_ a, boy. lie Is also dressed like a.boy -loo tu itii StA i7CI JA.SSe Si 5-Mpe4 _shorts) add a

D-16

igiETB Texas Assessment of Academic Skills GradePart 1 - Written Composition 5

3et t ay% bee.a.ase he doesn'-t have a al-lie-ton.He i s otri uin5 the res.-F-t b st icki in9 a. tree brat/4hin the water aid pushin3lit ca;ost the. bottiom

liggsai'shat has o, round r;rn rind s'it_s onhis h . a 1 11 0, S s shi i A- ,

marks no it and ex caller -kkat is Plane ie isittini 0 i A , 1 i . l t. ,o1; n

-cishAft pole witk bottom hands . lie hasn't a.fi'slra because tke i 5 St rek.t.yi+ nod heotyet poleThe cat

yetMr:53;0g atne -cnot /Will:A rA. s /lark_ loit

it 0-r-e Otz.aA i '-rn between the a aed cat tietere am t41:1g3

cot- C'. c I see c". _writer ji.3 wet a.?LC-Ai rarersack oki 0, c.n; c.. hffi.iligt a.1\ And; --/-n eamilpi

11 a h .Z e P I Ai- 4 I, fiat s istsel-than.) because the basket and t4e it.LA hove.

It YOU NEE f) W101 !,PACt CON TINUI ON THE NE X T PAGEll

GO ON

to S OA t lanem sr:via "1" c.extv't see .1 ,s icie. t6e.. , .er ox. A s r e. da C- es_ A- .of the rat . Als yvelzt., -1-0 tide. te. A i c_ garreFIS C.L. icos tope that is wouta. cr. 1-1. has alifhoot c.tt one eAcl) tile one. -tieV± stiLics Out,I- ues& firs -cat- tiertc uptM /124't wileei tAe7I and..

T 4610A l'f. tills/NJ( thel see rile. eriormou.s91evit LOA e r 3; AO S a. t.d. r that ; S 5, to 1 tioivi 613

act e r tile eli The. ON onster, ' s heaA anti _10/%5

nec.k. are. stic-kin3 IT out elf the k4..to:fderbc.tt t1 le. rest of hi'w) /15 under twat A theLuater exce pat. it- i1;6 poi nt Li ta) I . 14-i stai I St/ C-14 out Of the todZer eye. r

A , t I tall a - _do ir 4 0. *

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This response is a well-elaborated description of most of the picture'sfeatures. It differs from other 4 responses in that the writer'scuriosity leads to speculation that does not contribute to the visualdescription (e.g., see passages hypothesizing about why the cat isfishing, how he lost his foot, and how the rope is used). Thisspeculation, however, does not detract from the overall success of theresponse because of the quality of the elaboration that is present.Although its beginning is rather general, the response quickly becomesspecific through the use of location and precise visual details. Thewriter, for example, notes that the "cat's hat has a round rim and sitson his head behind his ears." All of the features are elaborated to theextent that the reade: has a clear sense of the picture. In addition,the response is organized throughout, concluding with a sentence thatunifies the response by establishing a relationship between the dinosaurand the cat and dog.

SCORE POINT 4

89

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This description earns a 4 by virtue of its organization, specificity,and sense of completeness. The writer employs a consistentorganizational strategy, beginning with the cat and moving logicallythrough the picture. All of the features/objects in the picture, exceptfor the items, included inpicnic are the response, and all areelaborated through precise location and specific visual details (e.g.,"The dog is wearing dark sunglasses that hook over his long floppyears"). At times the writer helps the reader to envision the scene bytelling what is not there (e.g., "There is no beech and no grassyplaces, only trees"). The last sentence, though not descriptive inintent, effectively concludes the response.

SCORE POINT 4

91C.i

A friend in your class wants to make something special for your teacher.It could be a card, something to eat, or some other special present. Suggest toyour friend what present he or she could niake and explain bow to make it.Tell what you do first. Then tell what other steps you need to take to make thisspecial present.

9 ti

9t

SCORE POINT 0




Responses in which the student rep---, or paraphrases the prompt butdoes not attempt to respond to it.

Responses in which the student writes entirely in a language other thanEnglish.

Responses that are completely unreadable because they are illegible orincoherent. Illegible responses are those in which the handwritingcannot be read; letters may be discernible,' but they do not formrecognizable words. Incoherent responses are those in which letters orwords are strung together in a meaningless fashion.

Responses that contain nothing more than an explicit refusal to respondto the specified prompt, although the student may offer some explanationof his or her refusal.

Blank papers.

SCORZ POINT 1

1 = RESPONSES THAT ARE UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS AT DELINEATING THESTEPS/STAGES OF THE SPECIFIED PROCESS OR ACTIVITY. THE FOLLOWINGTYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "1" CATEGORY:

Responses that use the wrong purpose/mode; that is, they.db not includethe requisite components of informative/narrative writing. In theseresponses the writer does not order sequentially and/or delineate thesteps/stages needed to complete a specified process or activity.

Responses that are informative/narrative ("how to") but are unsuccessfulIn their presentation. Responses that attempt to address the specifiedprocess or activity but are not successful may take the following forms:

so Responses that present a brief phrase with some indication of anattempt to attend to the task.

es Responses that have so little writing that there are not enoughsteps/stages to understand the process or activity.

s Responses that present a sequence or set rf steps/stages in theprocess or activity but are too sparse and/or list-like to beminimally successful.

Responses that attend very briefly to the task but do not remainon the topic. These responses acknowledge the assignment but thenswitch to another topic.

Responses that are poorly organised. In these responses the writer maypresent steps/stages in a random or repetitious fashion, thereby causinggaps that require the reader to infer the writer's intended thoughts, orthe writer may ramble, presenting numerous details that do notcontribute to an understanding of'the process or activity.

Responses that exhibit an overall lack of control of written language sothat communication is impaired. The expression of the writer's thoughtsis so confusing that the reader is left wondering what the writer isattempting to say.

At the word level there may be repeated errors in the spelling ofbasic words, in word choice, and/or in usage.

At the sentence level confusion occurs when words ara not arrangedin a logical order, or when there is an apparent order but themeaning is nevertheless unclear. It is inappropriate for thereader to guess at the writer's intent or to make inferences aboutthe writer's meaning.

es At the composition level responses lack explicit connectionsbetween ideas, and attempts at illustrations or explanations ofideas are either irrelevant or repetitious.

96 .

H-1

WATexas Assessment of Academic Skills GradePart 1 Written Composition 5

5 Pkth CA\isigG. MY Te-Acti Elk A QARD. 60\A-own- 100 I NiJg-L-7 t 0 t: i MISS

L A N Nr 1 'C.-tsi 11-}- LtTT Ge -To--r H t_- sT c- AND v y A CAR D,

C-v To Sc-i-f-DOL ANbTURA) IV ALL- AO( OME-V4 oRKAND 'x DO LUNC.N CD v N

CT

D c T LASTTA T o MY

"7" PO\) b S (=1)al, ST T D c, VJAL/1N)

S kr,

In this response the writer attempts to explain how to make a card.However, the steps lack sufficient detail for the response to beminimally successful. Furthermore, the steps presented are sequenced ina confusing manner, leaving the reader unsure about the order in whichthe steps should be performed. In addition, the writer has includedextraneous information (e.g., "I go to school and turn in all my homework and I do my lunch count and I do my pencils"), which interfereswith the progression of ideas in the response. To achieve a higherscore, the writer would need to use a more consistent organizationalstrategy, which could be accomplished by arranging the steps in alogical order and replacing the irrelevant information with relevant,specific details. In addition to remediation in "how-to" writing andelaboration, this student would also benefit from practice in usingprewriting activities to generate and organize ideas.

SCORE POINT 1

97

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

VIA Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

H-2

Grade

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The writer attempts to explain a process, but severe errors in spelling,usage, and sentence construction make it difficult for the readerdetermine what the writer is trying to say. Because of the severitythe errors, communication is impaired. In order to gain the degreelanguage control necessary to write a sucessful response, this writerwould need to receive continued language instruction and be givenfrequent opportunities to write.

SCORE POINT 1

to

of ----1

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EF YOU NE I D MORE SPACE . CON TINUE ON THE NE X T PAGE

98 GO ON

H-3MI1111111101NIMPINI

Exxxxi Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsIAA Part 1 - Written CompositionGrade

5

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Although this response lists a few sequenced steps in the process ofmaking a card, it gives only a bare outline of the procedure. Inaddition, the writer never directly states what is actually being made,leaving the reader to infer this information from the steps given.Because the information is ispresented so sparse, the reader able toobtain only a vague idea of the process being explained. To achieve ahigher score, the writer would need to identify the process and toprovide a more specific and detailed explanation of the steps in theprocess. This writer needs remediation in the components of "how-to"writing and in the elaboration of ideas.

SCORE POINT 1

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE. CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

99 GO ON

Era Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

H-4

Grade5

reN ai e- & pa. mt. e. I holder for My /-r Ae.r .

rsi- yo u fo tal 441 e. rkis n yo f G I CI

I It in -Ile. Co rhe,rS . youb ef me. 51veor pa c5i.c. rtich yit Li JIVE. if 4-itt Corhee.s. Menfoicl If 44.1 e Uftier w a 1L. Tileh 4-urn '4- Over-ahci 1 VG were_ Ole rocks ire, Then 1-4e.pc. n ce. soul it ir,5ideo if ae s ho+ F i*-I- y CA. C4 Is h p i+s yo u us-k

G.. peheci kholcier Pinai dive you f.a_c1,-.e.rmce_1 holder.

While this response contains a lengthy set of steps involved in making apencil holder, the information given is vague, leaving the readerconfused about the details of the procedure. For example, phrases suchas "fold it in the corners" and "fold it the other way" are not specificenough to give the reader a clear understanding of how to make thepencil holder. To achieve a higher score, the writer would need toclarify the process by presenting more specific information about thesteps in the process. This writer would benefit from additionalinstruction and practice in the use of elaboration to create aneffective piece of writing.

SCORE POINT 1

IF YOU NI MOM `.;E'ACI CONTINUE ON THE NI X 1 PAGE

100 GO ON

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Although this response contains a good deal of specific information, thewriter does not focus on a single gift. Instead, the writer presentstwo separate that are neither connected nor of a largerprocesses partprocess (making cards and making cookies). Because of this lack of

be in thereunity, only one of the processes can considered scoring, andis not enough information given on making either of these for theresponse to be considered minimally successful. In addition, the lastthree paragraphs of the response discuss gift-giving in general andtherefore do not contribute to the response. To achieve a higher score,the writer would need to focus on one process and give detailedinformation about some of the steps in that process. This writer wouldbenefit from instruction and practice in the use of revision to ensurethat each idea that is developed is relevant to the specified purpose.

SCORE POINT 1

:102

MyTexas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

H-6

Grade5

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It is evident that the writer saw the prompt acid is attempting torespond to it because he or she mentions a gift for the teacher.

However, this response does not include the requisite components ofsuccessful informative/narrative ("how-to") writing. Instead ofexplaining a process, the student has written a narrative about havingthe idea for the party and missing the party. This writer needsremediation in "how-to" writing and frequent opportunities to practicethis and other types of writing.

SCORE POINT 1

103

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE, CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

GO ON

4

SCORN POINT 2

2 = RESPONSES THAT ARE MINIMALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS AT DELINEATINGTHE STEPS/STAGES OF THE SPECIFIED PROCESS OR ACTIVITY. THEFOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "2" CATEGORY:

Responses that present a minimally sufficient explanation of the processor activity. These responses may take the following forms:

Responses that present a lengthy sequence or set of unelaboratedsteps/stages in the process or activity, some of which arespecific.

Responses that present a number of steps/stages in the process oractivity, most of which are extended.

Responses that present a few steps/stages in the process oractivity, at least one of which is somewhat elaborated.

Responses that present one moderat-ly elaborated step/stage in theprocess or activity.

Responses in which the organisation say be flawed by gaps, rambling,and/or repetition. Although these inconsistencies may disrupt thelogical progression of the response, they do not cause confusion.

Responses that exhibit a limited control of written language. Theseresponses may contain awkward or simple sentence structures, and wordchoice may be limited. In addition,.the responses may include spelling,capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage errors that are likely tooccur in first-draft writing.

1 u

104

H-7

l/AA Texas Assessment of Academic Skills GradePart 1 - Written Composition 5

AlkOA 1 11 II,.k\vidalkcrailMantilaLM&M, 01111M11111ternirtM 1

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This response lists a number of steps in a clear, logical sequence.Although the writer does not include a great deal of supporting detail,there is enough consistently organized specific information to make thepaper minimally successful. Good use of transitional words (first,second, third, etc.) helps to guide the reader smoothly from step tostep. To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to includefurther elaboration of some of the steps in the process. For example, tothe general idea of "gather[ing] up information about all the kids inthe class" the writer could add the specific kinds of information thatmight be gathered (e.g., name, birthday, favorite hobby or schoolsubject).

SCORE POINT 2

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE, CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

105 GO ON

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Although this response is rather lengthy, much of it consists ofrepetitive information (e.g., "rite or draw" is mentioned four times and"draw or rite" an additional two times) that does not contribute to afuller understanding of the process being explained. The first paragraphrepeats the same idea ("how to make a present for your teacher") threetimes, and the final paragraph simply repeats discussedpreviouslydetails. In addition, the response contains extraneous material (e.g.,"I like to draw Ion green paper. use a red crayon") which, combinedwith the degree of repetition, disrupts the logical progression of theresponse. Despite these organizational problems, the response isminimally successful because of the amount of specific information thewriter included about some of the steps in the process (e.g., paragraphstwo and four). To achieve a higher score, this writer would need toeliminate repetition, delete extraneous material, and provideelaboration to clarify the process further.

SCORE POINT 2

107

Texas Assessment of Academic Skills

Tia Part 1 - Written Composition

abia_adeerMasi,ay sc.40 fare o r put /Lecke el Prs+ make Me

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H-9

Grade1 5

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In this explanation of the process of making a papier-mache sculpture,the writer devotes all except the first and last sentences of theresponse to the making of the itself. This explanation ispapier-machespecific, detailed, and thorough. However, the writer presents only abare outline of the remaining steps in making the sculpture. ("You cantake the paper mashay and make a scupture and when it dry you can panteit an give it to your teacher"). To achieve a higher score, the writerwould need to include specific details about more of the steps involved,such as suggestions for what to sculpt and/or how to paint the

sculpture.

SCORE POINT 2

108

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While this response takes the form of a'narrative, it is clear that thewriter understands how to explain a process in enough detail to beminimally successful. The writer begins the response by listing theneeded materials, then presents a number of sequenced, specific stepsexplaining how to make a flower basket. Good transitions between thesteps (e.g.,"First you get your basket...Then you take your block ofstirophome...Next you put the stirophome into the basket...") providethe response with a logical and consistent organizational plan. Whilesome of the narrative material is extraneous, it does not detract froman explanation of the process. To achieve a higher score, the writerwould need to elaborate further on some of the steps in the process.

SCORE POINT 2

110

1 1 u

SCORE POINT 3

3 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT GOOD ATTEMPTS AT DELINEATING THESTEPS/STAGES OF THE SPECIFIED PROCESS OR ACTIVITY. THE READERHAS NO DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE WRITER IS ATTEMPTING TOSAY. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "3"CATEGORY:

Responses that present a moderately elaborated explanation of theprocess or activity. These responses may take the following forms:

Responses that present a lengthy sequence or set of steps/stagesin the process or activity, one of which is moderately elaboratedor several of which are somewhat elaborated.

Responses that present a number of steps/stages in the process oractivity, most of which are somewhat elaborated.

Responses that present a few steps/stages in the process oractivity, some of which are moderately elaborated.

Responses that have an organizational strategy that is, for the mostpart, consistent, although occasional gaps, repetition, or digressionsmay occur.

Responses that exhibit a control of the written language, althougherrors in spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage may occurin these first-draft attempts.

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This response consists of a few steps in the process of making cookies.Each of the steps is elaborated with specific detail. The writerconsistently uses good transitional words and presents the steps in aclear and logical sequence (e.g., "When you get home you get out a

Next foil the boodumcokkie sheet. you need to put on of the cokkiesheet "). While some minor first-draft spelling errors are present.

"vanaley," "boodum," "spunes"(e.g., ), they do not interfere with thereader's understanding of the process. To achieve a higher score, thewriter would need to provide more details about some of the steps in theprocess.

SCORE POINT 3

01

H-12

Texas Assessment Grade5

Ad of Academic Skills/Ma Part 1 - Written Composition

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This response contains a lengthy set of highly specific steps, all

logicallyclearly and sequenced. The writer uses precise language toeffectively present detailed information in a concise manner (e.g.,

"Next cut a medium strip of paper and glue the enu of it to the cut out

scene"). The response is well organized and contains no extraneousinformation. To achieve a higher score, the writer would need toinclude more elaboration for some of the steps in the process. For

example, to the sentence "Next draw something on the paper behind it,"the writer might add a specific description of what might be drawn.

SCORE POINT 3

IF YOU NE ED MORE SPACE. CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

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The writer uses a narrative framework only to introduce the response;therefore, this framework does not detract from the writer's explanationof the After setting up a conversational format in the firstprocess.sentence, the writer quickly moves on to the task of describing the

involved in These logicallysteps making a plaque. steps are sequencedand are supported with specific details (e.g., "go to a homemaking

"getstore, like Zaks," a plain piece of wood that you think would lookgood for a plaque"). To achieve a higher score, the writer would needto provide additional elaboration for some of the steps in the process.

SCORE POINT 3

116

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In this response the writer a number of specific steps in thepresentsprocess of making three paper apples. The response is consistently andlogically beginning description finalsequenced, with a of what theresult should look like (which aids the reader in understanding the

"blackprocess) and continuing with a list of specific materials (e.g.,marker," "brown and red paper") and a number of clearly detailed,somewhat elaborated steps. The precision and clarity of each step(e.g., "cut three stems with brown paper and glue them on each apple"),as well as the transitions between steps, make the process easy tofollow. To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to provide a

.---more thoroughly elaborated explanation of some of the steps in theprocess.

SCORE POINT 31

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SCORE POINT 4

4 = RESPONSES THAT ARE CONSISTENT, SPECIFIC, AND ELABORATEDPRESENTATIONS OF THE STEPS/STAGES OF A SPECIFIED PROCESS ORACTIVITY. THESE RESPONSES ARE ORGANIZED, UNIFIED, AND EASY TOREAD. THE FEW INCONSISTENCIES THAT MAY OCCUR ARE OVERWHELMED BYTHE OVERALL QUALITY OF THE RESPONSE. THESE RESPONSES ARECHARACTERIZED BY MOST OF THE FOLLOWING:

A specific, well-elaborated sequence or set of steps/stages in a processor activity. The process or activity as a whole is presented in such away that it can be understood clearly by the reader.

A thorough presentation of a sequence or set of steps/stages in aprocess or activity.

A consistent organizational strategy. Although minor lapses may occur,the response has a clear sense of order and completeness. If anotherwise well-written response ends abruptly because the writer has runout of space, the paper is still eligible for a "4."





H-15

Tira IVAii5 /4,55e5SMUFIL OT kwauernic aKIIISPart 1 - Written Composition

.Grade5

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This response contains an extremely thorough and specific explanation ofthe process of making a cake for the teacher. The writer describes eachstep, whether major or minor, in painstaking detail ("I would get agrocery cart and push it to the cake ile and...get one four once packageof food coloring..."). The writer's systematic movement from step tostep throughout the process makes it clear that there is a logical andconsistent organizational strategy. Although the supporting detailsbegin to thin out slightly as the paper approaches its conclusion andthe writer moves more quickly from step to step, this response containsenough clearly presented and thoroughly elaborated information to earna 4.

SCORE POINT 4

121

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In this response the writer provides a thorough, specific, well-organized explanation of how to bake a cake. The writer includes somenarrative elements in this explanation, but only to establish a real-life context for learning to bake a cake. Once this context is

(i.e., day the his her friend decide toestablished one writer and ormake a cake for their teacher and ask the writer's mother to show themthe intoprocess), the writer moves directly an explanation of theprocess. Therefore, the narrative elements neither detract from thewriter's purpose nor lessen the effectiveness of the response as awhole. Although the response contains a few minor lapses in sequencing(e.g., "dump it out carfuly on to a plate, but be sure to wait for it tocool off first") and a few first-draft spelling and usage errors (e.g.,

_____I"flowing ingredients," "grese it with butter so the cake don't stick"),the writer provides a sufficiently clear and detailed explanation of theprocess to earn a 4.

SCORE POINT 4

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Although this response explains several different processes (how to makea sub, a side dish, a drink, a dessert), they are clearly unifiedthrough the idea of a "super lunch" presented in the introduction. Thedetails are very specific and thoroughly elaborated. Goodgiventransitions, both between steps and between ideas within steps, providea logical help theand consistent organizational strategy and responseto read smoothly from beginning to en=_.

SCORE POINT 4

[

.

125 12:.,;

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The writer presents a well-elaborated delineation of the specific stepsinvolved in making a planetary mobile. The writer's effective use oflanguage to provide specific detail (e.g., "Put differant color stripson Jupiter and a big red spot which is a giant storm three times biggerthan the hole Earth") and his or her use of a highly consistentorganizational strategy provide the reader with enough clear andspecific information to replicate the process. The response as a wholeconveys a sense of order and completeness.

SCORE POINT 4

127

12 L,

N

A

R

R

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V

Pretend that you are walking outside, and you see a sparkling pink stone.As you reach to touch it, the stone changes color. Write a story about whathappens next.

12G

130

SCORE POINT 0

0 = RESPONSES THAT ARE NOT SCORABLE BECAUSE THEY ARE BLANK OR FAIL INOTHER WAYS TO RESPOND TO THE TASK. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OFRESPONSES FALBLINTO THE "0" CATEGORY:




Responses in which the student merely retells a known fairy tale orrhyme.

Responses in which the student writes entirely in a language other thanReglish.


Responses that contain nothing more than an explicit refusal to respondto the specified prompt, although the student may offer same explanationof his or her refusal.

Blank papers.

41 3

SCORE POINT 1

1 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS TO TELL A STORY.THE FOLLOWING KINDS OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "1" CATEGORY:

Responses that use the wrimmilmxpose/mode; i.e., they do -not include therequisite components of expressive /narrative writing. Some of theseresponses may contain events, but the events are not sequenced. Otherresponses may be merely informative or descriptive.

Responses that are expressive /narrative bat are unsuccessful in theirpresentation. Responses that attempt to address the task but are notsuccessful may take the following forms:

Responses that contain a brief phrase with some indication of anattempt to attend to the task.

Responses that have so little writing that there are not enoughdetails to sequence.

s Responses that contain a sequence of events, but the sequence isnot sustained sufficiently to be minimally successful.

Responses that attend very briefly to the task but do not remainon the topic. These responses acknowledge the assignment and thenswitch to another topic.

Responses that are poorly organized or contain major gaps. In theseresponses the writer may present events in a random or repetitivefashion, thereby causing gaps that require the reader to infer thewriter's intended thoughts; or the writer may ramble, presentingnumerous details that do not contribute to the story line.

Responses that exhibit an overall lack of control of written language sothat communication is iq'aired. The expressiou of the writer's thoughtsis so confusing that the reader is left wondering what the writer isattempting to say.


so At the sentence level confusion occurs when words are not arrangedin a logical order, or when there is an apparent order but themeaning is nevertheless unclear. It is inappropriate for thereader to guess at the writer's intent or to make inferences aboutthe writer's meaning.

eo At the composition level responses lack explicit connectionsbetween ideas and attempts at illustrations of ideas are eitherirrelevant or repetitious.

1111

132 14

N-1

ax-m&s Texasi Assessment of Academic Skills r GradeMik Part 1 - Written Composition , 5Cm- ALcuigtALA, et it .A.eYlelowlik et -4Askr. a

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This writer does but the line ispresent a sequence of events, plot notsufficiently developed to be minimally successful. The first threesentences of the response are simply a restatement of the informationpresented in the prompt. The only addition the writer makes to thisrestatement is to add that the stone made the narrator feel strong andto elaborate on that idea by giving two examples of that strength. Inorder to achieve a higher score, the writer would need to develop thenarrative further by including more events that are logically related tothe story line and by elaborating on those events, providing specificdetails about them. This writer would benefit from additional practicein writing narratives and from instruction in the use of prewritingactivities to and develop a story.

..

plan

SCORE POINT 1

IF YOU Nit H) MORE SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

133

1 3

GO ON

Texas Assessment of Academic Skills GradePart 1 - Written Composition 5

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N-2

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It is clear that this writer saw the prompt and attempted to write anarrative response. However, the response is not minimally successfulbecause the student's lack of language control is severe enough toimpair communication. Confused syntax, missing words, and extensivemisspellings of basic words make the response difficult to decipher.The writer needs continued language instruction and frequentopportunities to write in order to develop greater language control andfluency.

SCORE POINT 1

II YOU NI I I) 1\110111 !,PA(.I CON !NM ON THE NEXT PAGE

134

3

Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

N-3

Grade5

This response is unsuccessful because the story line is difficult tofollow and because very little in the response contributes to the storyline. Some of the sentences are difficult to follow (e.g., "I wasthinking that I was trying to tell somebody to tell me if the stone wasweerd because it was changing color"), indicating that the student mayhave some language control problems. Other sentences simply do not move

the story forward. For example, the writer repeats the same ideasseveral times (e.g., that the stone was "weerd," that it changed colors,and that it was stuck in the narrator's hand), which adds nothing to thestory line and actually disrupts the logical progression of the story.

To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to express each ideamore clearly and to replace the unnecessary repetition with additionalelaborated events that move the story forward. This writer would benefit

from instruction in how to use the writing process to create an

effective narrative piece and from frequent writing practice in order to

develop greater fluency.

SCORE POINT 1

135

IF YOU NI I MORE ;FACE CON UWE ON THE NE X T PAGE

N4

Exxxx, Texas Assessment of Academic Skills T GradeMika Part 1 - Written Composition 5.. 4 A' ALL 1 A ." f, . Le%

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This writer begins effectively, explaining in detail how the narratorfound the stone. However, at the point in the story where the narratorarrives at school, the writer drops the narrative thread, listing inseemingly random fashion the capabilities that the lucky stone produced

"I listing(e.g., could fly with birds in the sky"). After several ofthese capabilities, the writer abruptly ends the story. To achieve a :higher score, the writer would need to develop the story line bypresenting a sequence of events that move through time and byelaborating on some of those events through the use of specific detail.This writer needs additional instruction in the components of narrativewriting and frequent opportunities to write narratives.

SCORE POINT 1

If 'flit; 1,1 I 1 ) MORE ',PACE ( ON I !NM ON THE NE XT PAGE

136

TiffTexas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

N-5

cplik 40AthAye tR 1'ightt.1264L 04%41 AMMO( th* gym.. vaal Aati t talt&fa* 4L put it cell/44114m,

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This response fails to be minimally successful because the primary focusof the response is a description of the properties of the pink stone

..

rather than a narrative based on the It is that theprompt. clear writerunderstands the concept of elaboration, but he or she has used it todescribe rather than to tell a story. Although the description is setin a narrative frame--that is, the response begins and ends in anarrative mode--the narrative components that are present do notconstitute a sustained plot. To achieve a higher score, the writerwould need to write a narrative piece rather than a descriptive piece.This writer needs further instruction in the differences betweendescriptive and narrative writing as well as additional Practice in bothtypes of writing.

SCORE POINT 1

If YOU NEED MORE SPACE. CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

1 I '-' GO ON

SCORE POI 2

2 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT MINIMALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS TO TELL ASTORY. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE " 2 "

CATEGORY:

Responses that contain a bare, controlled, linked sequence of events.

Responses that contain a somewhat elaborated sequence of events.

Responses in which organization is apparent, although gaps or ramblingasap occur. In some responses narrative clusters may be evident; however,gaps occur between the clusters. In other responses rambling may occurbut does not cause confusion.

Responses that exhibit a limited control of written language. Theseresponses may contain awkward or simplistic sentence structures and wordchoice may be limited. In addition, they may include spelling,capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage errors that are likely tooccur in first-draft writing.

138

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This response presents a narrative sequence with sufficient plotdevelopment to be minimally successful. The writer understands how tomove a plot forward through time and adds specific information to someof the events in the narrative sequence (e.g., "Then when I past theBarber Shop I looked up and said, My what a nice bird that is").However, much of the writing is extraneous information that does notcontribute to the story line. For example, the writer digresses twicefrom the story--once to discuss his or her bird feeder and a second timeto talk about hunters. Once these digressions are removed, what remainsis a minimally elaborated, linked sequence of events. To achieve ahigher score, the writer would need to eliminate the material that doesnot contribute to the narrative and to develop the story more completelyeither by elaborating further on the events currently in the story or by

logically to theadding other elaborated events that are related story

line. This writer might benefit from opportunities to practice usingprewriting activities to plan a narrative and using revision to

eliminate material that does not contribute to the effectiveness of apiece of writing.

.

SCORE POINT 2

140

N-7

=KW Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsNikita CompositionPart 1 - WrittenGrade

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This response presents a narrative sequence with sufficient plotdevelopment and elaboration to be minimally successful. The responsedoes not receive a higher because the in the second ofscore events partthe story are not sufficiently developed. In the first part of theresponse, the writer uses elaboration effectively, giving specificexamples to explain the idea that "Space was a neat place to be."However, once that idea has been established, the writer ends the storyvery rapidly, mentioning a few events briefly without elaborating onthem. To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to provideadditional specific information about the events mentioned in the storyand/or include additional elaborated events that aie meaningfullyrelated to the story line.

SCORE POINT 2

1

It YOU NEED MORE SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PARE

141

N-8ilwrkiii Texas Assessment Academic Skills Grade5

ofNAJk Part 1 - Written Composition

I 1

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This response contains a narrative sequence with a plot sufficientlysustained to be minimally successful. It presents a logically connectedsequence of events, each of which moves the story forward. The responsedoes not receive a higher score because each event is only minimally I

i

elaborated and because there are gaps in which the writer juxtaposesevents without explaining the connection between them. For example, I

there is a gap between "it started to snow" and "I begen to shrink andI

shrink." Although there seems to be some kind of connection betweenthose two ideas, the writer does not provide the necessary informationto establish this connection. In order to achieve a higher score, thewriter would need to develop the events in the narrative by includingadditional specific information about each one and to provide the

information necessary to eliminate the gaps in the story line. This

writer would benefit from instruction and in the use ofpracticeelaboration to enhance a narrative sequence and to establish connectionsbetween ideas.

SCORE POINT 2

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE, CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

142

1

GO ON

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This response approaches the quality of a "3" response because of itssustained plot and its use of elaboration. The narrative has a plotthat moves forward through time, and the writer uses vivid word choiceand imagery (e.g., "...sparkles like a dimond in the sky" and "...cookethe ice castle to a to help the reader clearly visualizegiant puddle")some of the events included in the story line. However, other events are

halfnot elaborated at all, and the second of the story contains anumber of gaps that make the story line difficult to follow. In thesecond half, the writer jumps from event to event without providing theinformation that the reader needs to understand the sequence of events.For example, the writer does not explain where "Fire" and "Fire 2" camefrom or why the war with the Princess ended. To achieve a higher score,the writer would need to guide the reader more smoothly through the lasthalf of the response by providing additional information in order tofill in the gaps and allow the reader to understand each event in thestory. This writer would benefit from additional instruction andpractice in the use of elaboration to make connections among ideasclearer.

SCORE POINT 2

144

SCORE POINT 3

3 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT GOOD ATTEMPTS TO TELL A STORY. THEREADER HAS NO DIFFICULTY FOLLOWING THE STORY LINE. THEELABORATION CONTAINED IN THESE RESPONSES IS CONTROLLED, ADDINGSUBSTANCE TO THE STORY LINE. THESE RESPONSES ARE CHARACTERIZED BYTHE FOLLOWING:

Responses that present a moderately elaborated sequence of events.

Responses that have an organisational strategy that is, for the mostpart, consistent, although occasional gaps, repetitions, or digressionsJoey occur.

Responses that exhibit a control of the written language, althougherrors in spelling, capitalisation, punctuation, and/or usage may occurin these first-draft attempts.

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Although this response is not as fluent as some other "3" responses, itachieves a score of 3 by virtue of the level of elaboration it containsand its unified story line. Much of the elaboration in this responseconsists of dialogue, which is used to move the plot forward. It isclear that the writer had a the forward movement of theplan guidingstory line. However, the response does contain some minor organizationalflaws. For the digresses brieflyexample, writer to talk about ateacher ("I like my teacher she has kurly red hair and sometimes shereads stories to us"), which detracts from the overall effectiveness ofthe narrative. To achieve a 4, this writer would need to elaborate morefully on the events included in the narrative and/or add additionalepisodes to the story line. The piece would also be more effective ifthe writer had more consistent control of the written language. Notethat the absence of quotation marks as dialogue markers is common infirst-draft writing at this age and does not affect the writer's score.

SCORE POINT 3

147

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This response earns a score of 3 by presenting a moderately elaborated,tightly controlled sequence of events unified by the theme of theproblems the narrator has with his or her new-found strength. The writerelaborates effectively by providing specific, detailed examples of the

.

this (e.g., "...when I the buttoneffects of strength tried to press mythumb went right through the controler"). The story is easy to followand is consistently developed from beginning to end, and the writerresolves the action rather than ending abruptly. To achieve a 4, this 1

writer would need to develop the story more fully either by elaboratingmore completely on the events in the sequence or by including additionalelaborated events.

SCORE POINT 3

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This response represents a moderately successful attempt at telling a I

story. It progresses in a controlled, organized manner with no confusingsudden transitions, or extraneous information. Most of the eventsgaps,

in the sequence have been elaborated through the inclusion of specificdetails (e.g., "Then I bent over to touch it and when I did Poof itchanged from pink to purple"). The writer makes good use of action

"leaned," "tripped"),verbs (e.g., and of .specific adjectives andadverbs (e.g., "cureous," "backwards ") to help the reader visualize whathappened when Hank discovered the stone. In addition, rather than endingthe narrative abruptly, the reader brings the action to a logicalconclusion. Note that the shift in point of view from third person tofirst person between the first and second paragraphs does not affect theresponse's score, since this kind of shift is often seen in first-draftwriting of young writers. To achieve a 4, the writer would need todevelop the plot more completely by elaborating more fully upon theexisting events and/or introducing additional moderately elaboratedevents.

SCORE POINT 3

151

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This response represents a good attempt at telling a story. Itdemonstrates a consistent organizational strategy and is moderatelyelaborated. Each episode in the story is logically connected to otherepisodes in the sequence and is elaborated either with dialogue or withspecific, descriptive details (e.g., "...he had a beard about 200 feetlong"). This response is unusual in that the time span covers millionsof years. Nevertheless, the writer manages to control this movementthrough time by the effective use of transitions (e.g., "After a million

"Whenyears passed..." and I got home..."). A weakness in the story isthe minimal elaboration of the various episodes in the narrator'stravels. This writer could achieve a 4 by elaborating more fully uponthese episodes, providing more detailed information on what the narratorfound at each point in time.

SCORE POINT 3

1

153

SCORE POIN'f 4

4 = RESPONSES THAT ARE CONSISTENT, ORGANIZED, AND ELABORATED 41,NARRATIVES. THESE RESPONSES ARE UNIFIED AND EASY TO READ. THE FEWINCONSISTENCIES THAT MAY OCCUR ARE OVERWHELMED BY THE OVERALLQUALITY OF THE RESPONSE. THESE RESPONSES ARE CHARACTERIZED BY THEFOLLOWING:

A controlled, well-elaborated sequence of events. The response followsthe narrative progression from beginning to end. The writer does notmake abrupt shifts in time or location. When shifts in time or locationoccur, the writer handles these in a clear, effective manner.

Narratives that have a clear sense of beginning and ending. The writerdoes not stop writing abruptly but brings closure to the writing byresolving the action. Occasionally a writer begins to tell a story andthen runs out of paper before bringing the story to an effectiveconclusion. If an otherwise well-written story ends abruptly because thewriter has run out of space, the paper is still eligible for a "4."




Effective word choice, including apc or striking words, phrases,or expressions.

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This response is a consistently controlled, well-elaborated narrative.It is clear that the writer has an organizational strategy, and he or

__ she moves systematically from one event to the next. Although the wordchoice is not as vivid as in some other "4" responses, the responseearns a score of 4 by virtue of its thoroughness and specificity. Everyevent is presented in great detail so that the reader has no doubt as to

4111L ---- what happened.

SCORE POINT 4

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This narrative is organized, well elaborated, and consistently incontrol of the written language. The story line is easy to follow andis consistently developed from beginning to end. The events aresequenced logically through time and are elaborated with additionalspecific details that allow the reader to form a vivid impression of theevents included in the plot (e.g., "My father almost shot up to spacefrom his chair. I rolled on the living room floor laughing"). Thewriter also uses dialogue effectively to move the plot forward (e.g.,"...I am a genie from Babaloynia. That stone will let you have greatpowers and you can have want and all you have to do is ask it").Although a time span of ten years is covered, the writer clearly marksthe transition between the original events and those of ten years later("My family and I lived on the money and luzuiry of the sparkling stonefor ten years. One day. ").

i

SCORE POINT 4

N-16=ELTexas AssessmentWad Part

of Academic Skills1 - Written Composition

Grade5

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This response is tightly focused and evenly elaborated acrossbeing quick, the pace is steady and logically

also has a clear sense of beginning anddoes not include many events and does not

each event is presented in great detailfor awhile my hand started shakingThen suddenly a little worm popped out

of the stone"), and everything in thea logical conclusion. It is clear that theand followed that plan throughout the response.demonstrates highly effective word choice

shock") and effective use of dialogue.

the

response. Despitesequenced. The response ending.

Although the story line cover(e.g.,a wide span of time,

"After I held the stone and myfingers started tingeling.soft spot in the center

of astory

moves it forward tohad an overall plan

writerIn

addition, the writer"startled," "frozen with

(e.g.,

SCORE POINT 4

1 4'

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This response is unified and easy to follow and has a clear sense ofbeginning and ending. The events in the first three paragraphs arethoroughly and effectively elaborated with specific, vivid details andimages. The writer is especially adept at bringing the reader into thescene through the use of precise sensory words (e.g., "You could smellthe sweet aroma of carmel apples frosh with nuts"). One weakness in thisresponse is the unevenness of the elaboration. After describing indetail the events surrounding the discovery of the stone, the writerhurries to a conclusion, telling very little about an entire day spentin the "wonderful place" that the narrator visits. However, the strengthof the first three paragraphs outweighs this flaw. In addition, althoughthe ending does arrive quickly, it is logically connected to the rest ofthe story. Despite the uneven quality of the elaboration in thisresponse, its overall effectiveness earns it a score of 4.

SCORE POINT 4

162

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There are both good and bad things about watching television. Write acomposition for your teacher in which you explain both what is good and whatis bad about watching television.

163

164

SCORE POINT 0



Responses in which the student sakes an attempt to respond, but this

attempt contains so little writing that the reader cannot discernwhether the student is responding to the prompt.

Responses in which the student repeats or paraphrases the prompt but

does not attempt to respond to it.

Responses in which the student writes entirely in a language other than

English.


Responses that contain nothing sore than an explicit refusal to respondto the specified prompt, although the student say offer some explanation

of his or her refusal.

Blank papers.

165 1 ci

SCORE POINT 1

1 = RESPONSES THAT ATTEMPT TO ADDRESS THE TOPIC BUT ARE NOTSUCCESSFUL. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE

CATEGORY:

Responses that use the wrong purpose /code; i.e., they do not includethe requisite components of informative/classificab3r7 writing. Inthese responses the writer does not present what is good and/or whatis bad about the specified topic.

Responses that are informative/classificatory but are unsuccessfulin their presentation. Responses that attempt to address the taskbut are not successful may take the following forms:

mil Responses that present a list of words or brief phrases withsome indication of an attempt to attend to the task.

Responses that address the topic in a skeletal way. Theseresponses may present one or more ideas, and there may even be alittle elaboration of these ideas, but the information andexplanation may be vague, unclear, or not sustained sufficientlyto be minimally successful.

se Responses in which the reader must infer the relationshipbetween the information presented and the point that theinformation is intended to clarify.

Responses that attend very briefly to the task but do not remainon the topic. These responses acknowledge the assignment butthen switch to another topic.

Responses that are poorly organised. The writer may present ideas ina random or repetitious fashion, thereby causing gaps that requirethe reader to infer the writer's intended thoughts; or the writermay ramble, presenting numerous details that do not contribute tothe reader's understanding of what the writer is attempting to say.

Responses that exhibit an overall lack of control of writtenlanguage so that communication is impaired. The expression of thewriter's thoughts is so confusing that the reader is left wonderingwhat the writer is attempting to say.

ir At the word level there may be repeated errors in the spellingof basic words, in word choice, and/or in usage.

se At the sentence level confusion occurs when words are notarranged in a logical order, or when there is an apparent orderbut the meaning is nevertheless unclear. It is inappropriate forthe reader to guess at the writer's intent or to make inferencesabout the writer's meaning.

os At the composition level responses lack explicit connectionsbetween ideas, and attempts at illustrations or explanations ofideas are either irrelevant or repetitious.

166

1

C-1

Kamm/ Texas Assessment of Academic Skills/Alb Part 1 - Written CompositionGrade

5-The 6-codandSzipaciaboarrY,

what dcat anci bacifities afar lb Partik'lffes is o4 il- isJoAAA/ , 4,ustier3064 wiAc, s0 DiPresiti. tiVar II , 1is even) Punner-AtacaePayrt its Iles. Ott+ +here e bad -)-M s #00, _i-ge tie-206 1 If Br,,. g.I. .' kil4 AL P 0 itdieY b .. 1 IA P i # LA!

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This writer attempted to discuss the good and bad things about watchingtelevision but was unsuccessful for two reasons. First, the response istoo sparse and list-like to receive a higher score--that is, the writermerely lists a few rather general advantages and disadvantages ofwatching television without elaborating on any of these ideas. Forexample, the writer states that. "family Ties is good it is funny" andthen goes on to the next idea rather than stopping to provide specificinformation that would explain what is "good" and "funny" about theshow. Second, the response includes extraneous information that is notrelevant to the classificatory task specified by the prompt. Forexample, the anecdote about an incident in which the writer's brother"thew popcorn" provides no information about either the good or the badthings about watching television. To achieve a higher score, the writerwould need to both eliminate the irrelevant ideas and develop therelevant ideas, including enough specific details to give the reader a

Thisclear understanding of the writer's point of view. writer wouldbenefit from additional instruction and practice in how to write a ..

sustained classificatory piece, as well as in how to use elaboration todevelop ideas more completely. Practice using revision in order todecide which ideas need further development and which ideas should beeliminated may also be helpful.

SCORE POINT 1

1661167

C-2

61 Texas Assessment of Academic Skills1 Grade

Part 1 - Written CompositionI 5

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IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE . CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

168 GO ON

rhea! 4,4r2 some, aKG ad. gawk 4.4;Yl1

It is clear that the writer saw the prompt and was attempting to write aclassificatory piece. However, the response exhibits a lack of languagecontrol that is severe enough to impair communication. The response isdifficult to decipher because of a variety of language control :problems,including missing words, problems with word choice and usage, andrepeated errors in the spelling of basic words. The writer needscontinued language instruction and writing practice to develop his orher fluency.

SCORE POINT 1

C-3

*.-** Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsNAila Part 1 - Written CompositionGrade

5.). .1 a eA . 4 , 0 P II I A 0 IV) II ri S (315 a (4,fr (36..k"

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wa a\ Ity\3 -\-.Rke v' sit oin . Tk s2y 4r-e,11 la. 01 k.)er s can4 4,0-4 sy 3 rOLLIA yOU...62-e-oulSe- you.. Sc6k -N-1\cr\- WorX,Th Qs e. cre, k\-v@. 1001 \4:11n5S a\arAkk ki.)--e-Vtkg--i-eie--kli3Picit,

Although this writer discusses the good and bad things about watchingtelevision, this classification lacks the specificity to be minimallysuccessful. The writer's of the advantages of watchingpresentationtelevision is both vague and general (e.g., "It is cultural in some

"Itways" and teaches good things"). The single disadvantage addressed("They tell bad words and then they ground you because you said thatword") is also vague and is somewhat confusing as well. TLe writer failsto explain to whom "they" refers, making it difficult for the reader tounderstand this idea and how it is an example of a disadvantage of

.

watching television. To achieve a higher score, the writer would needto add specific details and explanatory information to illustrate andclarify each idea. This writer would benefit from using prewritingactivities to generate and develop ideas and from being given frequentopportunities to use elaboration in order to develop a piece of writing

SCORE POINT 1

...

It YOU NE E n MORE SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

170

163

TRW Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

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C-4

Grade5

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. V. Lt..:11 I II .ItThis response is too skeletal and list-like to be minimally successful.The writer gives several reasons for and against watching television butdoes not develop any of these reasons. For example, after stating thefirst good thing about television ("One good reason is that we can lern

lot he immediately ideaa of word"), or she moves on to the next ("Otherone is that I could see moies without going to the moves") rather thanpausing to elaborate on the first idea. Note that, although the writerexhibits rather limited language control, this language control is notweak enough to impair communication. To achieve a higher score, thewriter would need to elaborate on some of the reasons given, addingspecific details and/or examples to explain each point more fully. Thiswriter would benefit from instruction and practice in the use ofelaboration to develop ideas.

SCORE POINT 1

}1.

C-5

abati-ai Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 Written Composition

Grade5

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This response is unsuccessful because it does not contain the necessarycomponents of classificatory writing. Instead of presenting the goodand bad things about watching television, the writer wrote a narrativeabout receiving a television set for Christmas. To receive a higher

.

the to thescore, writer would need replace narrative with a

classificatory piece that addresses the advantages and disadvantages ofwatching television. This writer needs additional instruction in thedifferences between classificatory and narrative writing, as well asfrequent opportunities to practice both kinds of writing.

SCORE POINT 1

a

IF YOU NI t ()MOM SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

172

I '7

SCORE POINT 2

112 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT MINIMALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS ATPRESENTING WHAT IS GOOD AND/OR WHAT IS BAD ABOUT THESPECIFIED TOPIC. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTOTHE "2" CATEGORY:

Responses that present a mdnimally sufficient explanation of what isgood and/or what is bad about the specified topic. These responsesmay take the following forms:

Responses that present a lengthy set of unelaborated ideas, someof which are specific.

s Responses that present a few specific ideas with at least oneidea somewhat elaborated.

s Responses that present one moderately elaborated idea.

Responses that present only one side--no matter how welldone--with no allusion to the other side. (For example, "I can'tthink of any differences" is an allusion to the other side.)

Responses in which the organization may be flawed by gaps, rambling,and/or repetition. Although these inconsistencies may disrupt thelogical progression of the response, they do not cause confusion.

Responses that exhibit a limited control of written language. Theseresponses may contain awkward or simple sentence structures, andword choice may be limited. In addition, the responses may includespelling, capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage errors that arelikely to occur in first-draft writing.

OMR Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

C-6

Grade

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This response achieves a minimally successful score of 2 through thepresentation of a lengthy list of specific ideas. Although similar in jsome respects to C-4 on 171, it is successful because itpaper pagecontains more ideas, because most of the ideas presented are specificand clear, and because one of the ideas is extended ("...there arecommersials that help you to say no to drugs and don't drop out ofschool"). In addition, the writer demonstrates a good sense of

organization, marking transitions from one idea to another (e.g.,

"First...Another one...Now I am going to tell you..."). To achieve ahigher score, the writer would need to expand on some of the ideaspresented in the response. For example, the writer could give an exampleof a world event that he or she learned about by watching television, orthe writer could explain how television wastes time.

SCORE POINT 2

174 GO ON

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This response presents a minimally sufficient explanation of the goodand bad things about watching television. It presents a number ofspecific ideas, a -few of which are elaborated through the inclusion ofexamples (e.g., "Whit I like about 24 are He-man and wrestling and 8:00movies"). The response has several minor organizational thatweaknessesdisrupt the logical progression of the classification. For example, the

ideas ideawriter repeats the same more than once (e.g., the thattelevision can be bad for your eyes). He or she also interrupts thediscussion of the disadvantages of watching television to mention anadvantage ("And like I said movies are fun to see..."). In addition, thewriter includes extraneous information that does not contribute to theclassificatory purpose of the piece (the "safety rule" on how to avoideye accidents). These flaws detract from the effectiveness of the piecebut, since they are not severe enough to confuse the reader, do notprevent the response from receiving a passing score. To achieve a higherscore, the writer would need to elaborate on his or her ideas in greaterdetail and would need to improve the organization of the piece byeliminating repetition and extraneous ideas and by moving the referenceto an advantage out of the discussion of disadvantages.

" SCORE POINT 2

.

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. ,

176

C-8

ICAC2 P%*e*bl I Milt Ul PAUCILICIIM.; OKIIISPart 'I - Written Composition

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This response is well organized and provides enough specific elaborationto be minimally successful. The writer presents one somewhat elaboratedidea (the discussion of "very movies" at the beginning of thegoodresponse) and several extended ideas (e.g., "One thing about bad

daytelevision is that they give vilent movies at night and the time").

To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to further develop someof the ideas in the response, providing additional specific details tohelp the reader formulate a more complete understanding of the writer'sideas. For example, the writer might provide additional information toexplain why he or she hates some of the "stupid lovestory movies" shownon television.

/

SCORE POINT 2

II YOU NI I 0 IVIOlit ',PACE CON TINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

177 1 -' GO ON

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This response presents three moderately elaborated ideas (the Discoverychannel, science experiments on television, and comedy programs). Thepaper is organized and controlled, and each idea is supported throughthe inclusion of specific examples and details that help the reader tounderstand the writer's of view (e.g., "Like could learn topoint youmake a volcano with Mister Wizerd using bakeing soder"). The only reason

higherthat the response did not achieve a score is that the writer didnot address the bad things about watching television. In classificatorywriting, in order to achieve a score higher than 2, the writer mustaddress both sides of the issue. In this particular response thewriter's presentation of the good things about watching television isorganized, elaborated, and controlled enough that the writer need onlyallude to the bad things about watching television (e.g., "I can't thinkof anything bad about watching television") in order to receive a higherscore.

SCORE POINT 2

179

=

SCORE POINT 3

RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT GOOD ATTEMPTS AT PRESENTING WHAT ISGOOD AND/OR WHAT IS BAD ABOUT THE SPECIFIED TOPIC. THEWRITER MAY FOCUS ON ONE SIDE, BUT THERE MUST BE AT LEASTSOME ALLUSION TO THE OTHER SIDE. THE READER HAS NODIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE WRITER IS ATTEMPTING TOSAY. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "3"CATEGORY:

Responses that present a moderately elaborated explanation of whatis good and/or what is had about the specified topic.

e Responses that present a lengthy set of ideas, one of which ismoderately elaborated or several of which are somewhatelaborated.

e Responses that present a number of ideas, most of which aresomewhat elaborated.

Responses that present two or more moderately elaborated ideas.

Responses that present one fully elaborated idea.

Responses that have an organizational strategy that is, for the mostpart, consistent, although occasional gaps, rambling, and/orrepetition may occur.

Responses that exhibit a control of the written language, althougherrors in spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage mayoccur in these first-draft attempts.

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Although ;his response is uneven in the quality of the elaboration, itachieves a score of 3 by virtue of its overall effectiveness. In thediscussion of the good things about watching television, the writer _presents a number of advantages but develops these ideas only minimally.For example, the writer mentions that one of the things about ---1goodtelevision is that "some programs are about nature," then adds one piece

bareof information td .this idea ("It may show your child what natureis"). However, this additional piece of information is still rathergeneral and contributes little to the reader's understanding of what isgood about watching television. In order to improve the quality of thedevelopment of this idea, the writer would need to go into greaterdetail, specifying, for example, what aspects of nature these programs.show. The writer elaborates more successfully in the second part of theresponse, in which he or she gives specific examples of the kinds of

---1movies that are "bad." To achieve a higher score, the writer would needto elaborate more evenly, adding specific and relevant detailsthroughout the response.

SCORE POINT 3

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Although this writer's control of language is not as strong as thatfound in many "3" papers, the response is successful because it presentsan organized, lengthy list of what is and bad about watchinggoodtelevision. Many of the points made are quite specific and aresupported by information. Forexamples and/or additional example, thewriter mentions that one of the advantages of watching television isthat you can hear the news; he or she then gives specific examples ofwhat you can hear on the news ("...like who has dye, or what is going tobe the weather from the week. If a hurricane or something is going to --Ihappen"). Some of the points made, however, are rather vague. Thisdetracts from the overall effectiveness of the piece. For example, thelast idea in the response ("This good things about waching a televisionmight make you feel good and maybe proud of yourself because you don'tlike to see bad things in television") is confusing. In order for thereader to understand how this sentence represents a good thing aboutwatching television, the writer would need to provide enough additionalinformation that the reader understands exactly what the writer means.In order to achieve a higher score, this writer would need to developand clarify his or her ideas by providing additional specificinformation to explain more fully each of the points presented in theresponse.

SCORE POINT 3

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184

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This response contains an organized and controlled presentation of anumber of somewhat elaborated ideas. The writer elaborates on the goodthings about watching television by giving specific examples of what onecan learn from watching television. In presenting the other side of theissue, the writer explains in some detail the possible negativeconsequences of watching television, demonstrating an ability to "layer"information--that is, to present successively deeper levels, or layers,of information about an idea. For example, the writer states thatwatching "television might keep you from doing things around your house,or keeping you from doing your homework." He or she then takes thatpoint even further, describing what might then happen as a result of notdoing chores or housework ("Then your mom will get mad at you and youmight get grounded"). While the response is generally well organized, itdoes have one minor flaw. The writer devotes paragraph three to a

discussion of what is bad about watching television but inserts a

sentence about what is good about watching television near the end ofthe paragraph. This digression is not a serious enough flaw to affectthe score of the response, since it does nc._ cause confusion and onlybriefly interrupts the logical progression of thought. To achieve a-1higher score, the writer would need to elimincte this organizationalflaw and to improve the quality of elaboration by developing his or herideas more completely and/or presenting additional elaborated ideas.

SCORE POINT 3

186

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In this response the writer presents a number of good and bad pointsabout watching television, most of which are somewhat elaborated. Thewriter also includes specific information to explain many of the pointshe or she makes. For example, in talking about the advantages ofwatching televigion, the writer states that he or she likes "Whose theBoss" then develops this idea further by adding two additional pieces ofsupporting information--that it "entertains us" and that "Wr need a goodlaugh every once in awhile." Likewise, in the paragraph acdressing thebad television, the the idea thatthings about writer elaborates ontelevision can hurt your eyes by giving specific examples of when andhow this might happen. In addition, the response is well organized anddoes not contain extraneous information. To achieve a higher score, thewriter would need to develop more fully the ideas he or she haspresented in this response, stopping along the way to "tell more" aboutsome of them. For example, the writer could further develop the firstpoint ("Watching television is nice because I can learn importantthings...") by explaining what important things he or she can learn fromtelevision.

SCORE POINT 3

.

188

1

1

SCORE POINT 4

4 = RESPONSES THAT ARE CONSISTENT AND ELABORATED PRESENTATIONSOF WHAT IS GOOD AND/OR WHAT IS BAD ABOUT THE. SPECIFIEDTOPIC. THE WRITER MAY FOCUS ON ONE SIDE, BUT THERE MUST BEAT LEAST SOME ALLUSION TO THE OTHER SIDE. THE FEWINCONSISTENCIES THAT MAY OCCUR ARE OVERWHELMED BY THEOVERALL QUALITY OF THE RESPONSE. THESE RESPONSES ARECHARACTERIZED BY MOST OF THE FOLLOWING:

A specific, well-elaborated presentation of what is good and/or whatis bad about the topic.

A consistent organizational strategy. Although minor lapses mayoccur, these responses have a clear sense of order and completeness.If an otherwise well-written response ends abruptly because thewriter has run out of space, the paper is still eligible for a "4."

Consistent control of the written language. Though the writer maynot incorporate all of the appropriate mechanics or conventions oflanguage, the response is particularly effective.

In addition, these responses often contain some special feature thatmakes them particularly effective, such as:

s Varied syntactic constructions, including compound and complexsentences.

mil Effective word choice, including apt or striking words, phrases,or expressions.

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This response is unified, consistent, and well elaborated. The writerprovides specific details to explain each idea presented, which givesthe reader a clear understanding of the writer's views. For example, the .

writer states that one of the good things is that "you can watch itanytime if mom and dad will let then develops this idea byyou're you,"specifying some of the times when one might want to watch television

"Like finish homework if(e.g., when you your or your chores and thereis nuthing else to do"). The response is also well organized: althoughthe writer presents both sides of the issue in the same paragraph, thereis a logical progression from idea to idea, making the response as awhole easy to foll,.,. Note that this writer addressed the good and badthings about having a television rather than the good and bad things_about watching television. This did not lower the score of theresponse, however, since some variation in interpretation of the promptis allowed. While the response does not reach the level of fluency orspecificity found in some other "4" papers, its overall effectivenessearns it a score of 4.

SCORE POINT 4

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192

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television. For the writer "I can learnabout watching example, states,some neat things form t.v.," then develops this idea in detail, giving

haveexamples of shows he or she has learned from and how those showsbeen helpful. Varied sentence structure and the use of concretevocabulary also contributes to the effectiveness of the response.

SCORE POINT 4

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1-

a clear sense of and ending. Inaddition, the writer demonstrates the ability to develop ideas through

L...1..3...-^..cluvLaA-Lv, providing rich UCLaLLS and examples to explain eachWhile there are some minor spelling errors, these are to be expected infirst-draft writing and do not detract from the effectiveness of theresponse.

SCORE POINT 4

1 4. :j

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This response achieves a 4 by virtue of its strong organization,clarity, and specificity. The response demonstrates a clear sense ofbeginning and ending. The writer presents an organizational strategy ina clear and concise introduction, then follows this plan throughout theresponse. Each idea introduced in the response is relevant to theclassificatory task and is supported with numerous specific examples and

details. "my brain isvivid For example, after the writer says, notworking as hard when I watch T.V.," he or she then gives a number ofexamples of other activities that would require more thought (e.g,

"...like puzzles or read a book, or play games with my sister"). Inaddition, the writer has a clear control oZ ',mitten language.

SCORE POINT 4

198

P

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Your principal is going to invite a famous person to visit your school andhas asked you and your classmates for ideas. Write a letter to your principal.In this letter tell which person you would like the principal to invite and givereasons for your choice.

SCORE POINT 0



Responses in, which the student makes an attempt to respond, but thisattempt contains so little writing that the reader cannot discernwhether the student is responding to the prompt.


Responses in which the student writes entirely in a language other thanEnglish

Responses that are completely unieadable, because they are illegible orincoherent. Illegible responses are those in which the handwritingcannot be read; letters may be discernible, but they do not formrecognizable words. Incoherent responses are those in which letters orwords are strung together in a meaningless fashion.

Responses that contain nothing more than an explicit refusal to respondto the specified prompt, although the student may offer some explanationof his or her refusal.

Blank papers.

201

SCORE POIWf 1

1 = RESPONSES THAT ATTEMPT TO ADDRESS THE TASK BUT ARE NOT SUCCESSFUL.THE FOLLOWING KINDS OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "1" CATEGORY:

Responses that use the wrong purpose /mode; i.e., they do not include therequisite components of persuasive/descriptive writing. In theseresponses the writer does not make a clear choice and provide reasonsfor that choice to a specified audience.

Responses that are persuasive/descriptive but are unsuccessful in theirpresentation. Responses that attempt to address the task but are notsuccessful may take the following forms:

s Responses that present a brief phrase with some indication of anattempt to attend to the task.

Responses that address the topic in a skeletal way. Theseresponses may present a choice along with one or more reasons, andthere may even be a little elaboration of these reasons, but theinformation and explanation are insufficient to provide aminimally sound case in support of the choice made.

ogle Responses in which the reader must infer the relationship betweenthe information presented and the point that the information isintended to clarify.

so Responses that attend very briefly to the task but do not remainon topic. These responses acknowledge the assignment but thenswitch to another topic.

Responses that are poorly organized. In these responses the writer maypresent reasons in a random or repetitive fashion, thereby causing gapsthat require the reader to infer the writer's intended thoughts; or thewriter may ramble, presenting numerous details that do not enhance theargument.

Responses t.11.4t exhibit an overall lack of control of written language sothat communication is impaired. The expression of the writer's thoughtsis so confusing that the reader is left wondering what the writer isattempting to say.


se At the sentence level confusion occurs when words are not arrangedin a logical order, or when there is an apparent order but themeaning is nevertheless unclear. It is inappropriate for thereader to guess at the writer's intent or to make inferences aboutthe writer's meaning.

At the composition level responses lack explicit connectionsbetween ideas, and attempts at illustrations or explanations ofideas are either irrelevant or repetitious.

202

P-1

/EN Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

Grade5

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__ This response gives several unelaborated reasons why Michael Jordanshould visit the school. Although one of these reasons is specific ("so

__ he can have lunch with us"), most are general and need clarification --I

(e.g., "he could tell us some of his basketball experences"). InI

-- addition, none of the writer's reasons is elaborated. To achieve a Hhigher score, the writer would need to generate more specific reasons 1

(e.g., "we can show him our classroom and our gym") or to give -A

__additional information about the existing reasons (e.g., "he could tellus some of his basketball experiences like when he scored 50 points lastyear"). It would be especially important for the writer to learn how to-_

--Idevelop ideas in enough specific detail to create an effectivepersuasive response. H

SCORE POINT 1--1

If YOU NE F D MORE SPACE .sCON i INUE ON THE NE X T PAGE

202 GO ON

SRTexas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

P-2

Grade5

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The writer demonstrates an understanding of the persuasive task bychoosing a famous person and attempting to explain why that personshould come to the school, but the response is unsuccessful because ofsevere language control problems. Missing words, misspellings of basicwords, and confused word order (e.g., "If someone want to something elsethey and had to be strong they could and of sone one is in terestinit...") impair communication, leaving the reader wondering at times whatthe writer is attempting to say. Continued language instruction andfrequent opportunities to write should help the writer to gain thelanguage control necessary to write a successful response.

SCORE POINT 1

204

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE . CON TINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

2t

GO ON

P-3

*maxi Texas Assessment of Academic Skills/MAD Part 1 - Written CompositionGrade

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This response is merely a short list of reasons that inadequatelysupport the writer's choice of Madonna as the "best" famous person tovisit the school. Although the last reason ("we could all get her

,

signture cut in are hair") is extended ("so evrybody know we saw her"),the too beresponse as a whole remains skeletal to minimally successful.To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to give additional !

specific reasons or to elaborate more fully on the existing ones. Inaddition, this writer needs instruction and practice in how to useelaboration to support a persuasive position.

SCORE POINT 1

2052 0,/

GO ON

4

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-rauulit Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsIIMAa Part 1 - Written Composition,Grade

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Although the prompt directs the writer to choose only one persz;...t tovisit the school, he or she recommends three separate nominees. Thewriter briefly discusses the reasons for each of these choices but doesriot provide enough information about any of them to be minimally

The first is, for thesuccessful. paragraph most part, skeletal andgeneral. For example, the writer says that President Bush could tell ..

"canstudents how they help save the United States" but doesn't provideany additional specific details to explain what this statement means.The second paragraph is a brief, bare list of possible commercials thatthe governor should or should rr..t put on television. The last paragraphis stronger than the other paragraphs because the writer lists tworeasons for inviting the mayor and supports these reasons with a littleelaboration. This elaboration, however, is not sufficient to make theresponse minimally successful. To achieve a higher score, the writerwould need to choose only one famous person, developing in specificdetail to that This benefit fromreasons support choice. writer wouldremediation in staying on the task specified in the prompt, as well asfrom frequent writing opportunities to learn how to use elaborationeffectively to develop ideas.

SCORE POINT 1

IF Y011.i(lt t D MORE SPACE . CON T1NUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

206 GO ON

09C Texas Assessment of Academic Skills ATM5

L Oi_tart)

Part 1 - Written Composition

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This response is unsuccessful because much of the information the writerincludes does not contribute to the persuasive purpose specified by theprompt. For example, neither the sentence that some people don't likeGeorge Bush nor the other suggestions made by a classmate enhance theargument or move the response forward. In fact, these detract from thepersuasiveness of the response. There is only one elaborated reasonthat for the Georgeprovides explicit support writer's choice of Bush("I have never seen him in real life before...This is my chance to meethim in real life. I just see him on news"). To achieve a higher score,the writer would need to delete the extraneous material and to focus ongiving specific, supported reasons explaining why George Bush shouldvisit the school. Learning to distinguish between effective andineffective elaboration would benefit this writer.

SCORE POINT 1

207

IF YOU NEED MORE SPACE. CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE

200GO ON

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Although the writer includes some persuasive elements at both thebeginning and the end of the response (last two sentences), the responseas a whole does not contain sufficient components of persuasive writingto be minimally successful. Instead of writing a sustained persuasivecomposition on the topic specified in the the writer focuses onprompt,how to make the s,-hool look more attractive before the visitor comes. i

In "how-to" the does demonstrate thethis part of the response, writerability to generate and develop ideas; however, to write a successful

----1persuasive composition, he or she would need to apply this ability topersuasive rather than "how-to" writing, supporting his or her choicewith specific, detailed reasons. The writer needs remediation in writinga sustained persuasive composition. As part of this remediation process,he or she would benefit from practice in using prewriting activities tolearn to focus on the persuasive task.

SCORE POINT 1

..

2092

SCORE POINT 2

2 = RESPONSES THAT ARE MINIMALLY SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS AT ADDRESSINGTHE PERSUASIVE TASK. THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTOTHE "2" CATEGORY:

Responses that present a minimally sufficient amount of evidence insupport of the writer's stated choice. These responses may take thefollowing forms:

es Responses that present a lengthy set of unelaborated reasons, someof which are specific, in support of the writer's stated choice.

es Responses that present a number of reasons, most of which areextended, in support of the writer's stated choice.

so Responses that present a few reasons, at least one of which issomewhat elaborated, in support of the writer's stated choice.

Responses that present one moderately elaborated reason in supportof the writer's stated choice.

Responses in which the organisation may be flawed by gaps, rambling,and /or repetition. Although these inconsistencies may disrupt thelogical progression of the response, they do not cause confusion.

Responses that exhibit a limited control of written language. Theseresponses may contain awkward or simple sentence structures, and wordchoice may be limited. In addition, the responses may include spelling,capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage errors that are likely tooccur in first-draft writing.

210

2

In Texas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

P-7

Grade

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This response is a minimally successful attempt to persuade the readerthat Jordan Knight should visit the school. The writer presents a listof reasons explaining why Jordan Knight should come to the school.Except for one general reason ("he can be ftmny"), this list is specific

clearly supports the writer's Although theseand choice. none of reasonsis elaborated, the specificity and number of reasons make the responseminimally successful. To achieve a higher score, the writer would needto elaborate on some of the existing reasons by adding relevant,specific information.

SCORE POINT 2

IF YOU NE E D MORE SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

GO ON

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This response is minimally successful because it presents a sufficientamount of specific information explaining why New Kids on the Blockshould come to the school. Although the writer includes a number ofreasons for liking the group, most of these reasons contain little or noelaboration. For example, the writer says that he or she "would asklots of quointion" but never specifies what these questions would be.However, the writer does some detailed information about theprovidegroup's songs, including a list of the writer's favorites. The responseis by the lack Theweakened of an overall organizational strategy.writer moves in a seemingly random fashion from liking the group's music

----1to having books about them to liking the group itself to knowing theirnames, and so on. This random movement causes the writer to berepetitious in places. To achieve a higher score, the writer would needto improve the organization of the response, as well as the quality ofthe elaboration. This writer would benefit from instruction and practicein elaboration and in the use of prewriting activities to organizeideas.

SCORE POINT 2

213

21'4-

P-9

LK-Naiad Texas Assessment of Academic Skills=Jib Part 1 - Written CompositionGrade

5TA e 'Frrzrua person I want 40 iwileyoq40 Oqr sr is Pc0411 Aldo 1. The recisa4 i wani

ye, 1.1 /O inVite her because de2S nice_ and sin-.very %veil, She. J. , 1. 4 I.

r &I I)/ 1 II(e +o hear 11'k SI rC2131)t (f C Old Itearfaip,.Croke, and Oppisrles- AI* kileil. ivq4f to knowhOvv 0 Id sAe ;1-...91e dances very well Q ild ;skind of cu-te , slir's very smart and e_reenive.

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to ose ihefrn cad whe happens when doyoriIho m..6441 yoy vtivit -/C ;frIvi-te +O our ScilinolAsk her if she tvili wr;3ht me bgnk soonipleasei

The writer achieves minimal success in this response by presenting a fewreasons why Paula Abdul should visit the school. Although some of thesereasons are general (e.g., "she's nice"), others are specific (e g., "I

want to know how old she is"), and still others are elaborated. Forexample, the writer's description Paula Abdul's talk isof to studentssomewhat elaborated ("She could talk to us about drugs and tell us notto use them and what happens when you do"). This response is organizedbut does not contain the elaboration necessary to achieve a score of 3.To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to strengthen thepersuasiveness of the response by providing additional specific,relevant detail about some of the existing reasons.

..

SCORE POINT 2

IF YOU Vt f I) MORE SPACE. CONTINUE ON THE NEXT PAGE.

214

2 1

P-10

aasimaiair Texas Assessment of Academic Skills/Alb Part 1 - Written CompositionGrade

5. . )

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In this response the writer achieves a 2 by presenting one moderatelyelaborated reason. After the writer establishes that Robocop shouldcome to the school so that he can "teach us many things," the writerthen expands on this theme, focusing on the specific lessons thatRobocop would teach Although these lessons---- students. some of are merelylisted (e.g., Robocop would tell students about "drugs, crime, and how

,.

to call 911 for palice"), others are elaborated (e.g., why studentsshouldn't "play with fire"). In addition, the response is organized, andthe writer's progression of thought is easy to follow. To achieve ahigher score, the writer would need either to elaborate more fully onsome of the lessons that Robocop would teach or to generate additionalelaborated reasons about why Robocop should come to the school.

SCORE POINT 2

215

-7

SCORE POINT 3

3 = RESPONSES THAT REPRESENT GOOD ATTEMPTS AT ADDRESSING THE 111PERSUASIVE TASK BY MAKING A CHOICE AND SUPPORTING THAT CHOICEWITH REASON(S). IDEAS ARE GENERALLY WELL-ORGANIZED AND ARESUFFICIENTLY CLEAR SO THAT THE READER HAS NO DIFFICULTYUNDERSTANDING WHAT THE WRITER IS ATTEMPTING TO SAY. THE FOLLOWINGTYPES OF RESPONSES FALL INTO THE "3" CATEGORY:

Responses that present a moderate amount of evidence in support of thewriter's stated choice. These responses may take the following forms:

Responses that present a lengthy set of reasons, one of which ismoderately elaborated or several of which are somewhat elaborated,in support of the writer's stated choice.

so Responses that present a number of reasons, most of which aresomewhat elaborated, in support of the writer's stated choice.

so Responses that present two or more moderately elaborated reasonsin support of the writer's stated choice.

Responses that present one fully elaborated reason--i.e., a reasonelaborated sufficiently to be clearly understood and convincing --in support of the writer's stated choice.

Responses that have an organisational strategy that is, for the mostpart, consistent, although occasional gaps, rambling, and /or repetitionmay occur.

Responses that exhibit a control of the. written language, althougherrors in spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and/or usage say occurin these first-draft attempts.

216

2

IAASTexas Assessment of Academic Skills

Part 1 - Written Composition

P-11

Grade5

7:0 r_eia 7, £ w Q LI id _flAellafrir u.2 6t. ,oc, GC

41 chez LA_IL ex- o kn. a', 0Sports . 4e woaJ4 42i.t9<hd ply show its h>o WlktO /404-x b Ketha 11. I/ ow 4-0 ficL

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0- I e it) m ore many, P ro et-p1aL/mos-/--ev-ery body khows ?n/cAeal

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217 21- GO ON

This response presents two moderately elaborated reasons. In the firstreason the writer says that Jordan could educate students about'sportsand show them how to play basketball better. The writer cites the areasJordan could address (how to play safely, and how diet and exercise canhelp you play better), occasionally adding a little clarifying detail(e.g., the purpose of exercise is to jump and run faster). The writerreaches the level of moderate elaboration by tying all of these areastogether with a cause-and-effect argument that better playing and betterhealth bymean winning more games and making more money playing probasketball. In the second reason the writer focuses solely on thesubject of money, explaining that, since Jordan's appearance at theschool would be free, people who don't have much money would have anopportunity to see him. Although the writer does not display theconsistent language control characteristic of some "3" responses, the

overall quality of the response is sufficient to earn it a score of 3.To achieve a higher score, the writer would need to establish bettertransitions between ideas and to elaborate more fully on the reasonsgiven.

SCORE POINT 3

218

2


P-12

Grade5

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help & 5rloo I here Ile. pr_e. formed 0,nci aidn '4- keep -fie mcga4he. 14 to. 14-te__ SCIlonl,save_

Re- Could -kik to (IS On -the s-I-EL, e.. II e_ C.D a_I d 1aik 1-e) asa bowl- Ill'i1gs he des arid aizid- 4ile- S1 zdth. Ile. can 4-eit 43 zAti-

,,, ,_/.k 15 +avrirt- move, 6_ Made, Re C..o_n Cilsb tits cri ci bitat j /o k.illite. bra. k s ctee..

This response contains a number of reasons, most of which are somewhatelaborated.cares

Although the first reason is only briefly extended ("heabout us and our grads"), the rest of the reasons are more solidly

through the use of illustration ("telling jokes aboutanecdote ("He even came to our town..."), and specific

supportedhimself"),details (what Cosby could talk about on stage). The response is

well organized, and the writer's progression of thought isto follow from beginning to end. To achieve a higher score, thewould need to provide more elaboration on some of the reasons,by giving more information about Cosby's previous trip to the

or about other ways he has helped people, or by expanding on somethe topics he might discuss on stage.

SCORE POINT 3 .

generallyeasywriterperhapstownof

If YOU NE I D MORE SPACE CONTINUE ON THE NE XT PAGE

219?TS

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r. A c 1 'IIP-13

It= leAcib 11bbebblile111. of Academic 0 KIIIISPart 1 - Written Composition

tirade5

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This response represents a good attempt to persuade the principal toinvite Debbie Gibson to the school. The writer presents a lengthy set

.

of reasons in support of his or her choice, many of which are

elaborated. Although the elaboration is not extensive, it is sufficienthelp have the writer'sto the reader to a greater understanding of

reasons for inviting Debbie Gibson to visit (e.g., "May be we might havea talent show and she would help us get our rutines better"). The firstpart of the sentence beginning the third paragraph ("May be she been toour school before") creates a minor organizational weakness because thewriter never explains this seemingly irrelevant statement; otherwise,however, the response is generally well organized. To achieve a higherscore, the writer would need to delete the irrelevant material and toelaborate more fully on the existing reasons that support his or herchoice.

POINT 3SCORE

220

2i


P-14

Grade5

wooLl Ii he, for you -to rnvite Dav bb ison 4ocome. v t+ Ow- sc.104. Re cause .t },ems a 3ooci

i of kten on kcUk. 1-6.'s a. oo d ill fktevice ?r, rut n/ Wals

blunt, And he. also + e 1s %ern 4-o s+oycku, re e. andr

StVoot arci -*Nen sportsBut he also a. 00 InPluerle.e, Iny he

cioestlie. +As +0 help Kas *Alb are_ Arsable. at-11men-tely re..4tarteci, Ana he. cioncties morNey afren+cuiritl's I lie /Or S (Ina INS.ar Ack. He,

also ./(1)51345 -PrIerv% Vlosp and encourl es dike&4o ROA- 41\eyri 4e.o. Dexeci cioesni+ e. Nas cs-F }-14's

oven bit h e w t5-te.c1 he. clict (%attise he. dikesInd pfn3 Kit's arid b ea n9 arounct Kid ,

Au off' ihe reasons above. is vi hi he'sbest person come v4s?.1- us. )1e,'s also rry

co,vorne, bas eThall pimer.This response represents a good attempt at addressing the persuasivetask. It focuses almost entirely on one reason for having DavidRobinson come to the school ("he's a good influence on kid's"), and thisreason is well supported. First, the writer discusses how Robinson canpositively influence the students through the things he tells them

(e.g., "to stay drugfree and alcoholfree so that thay can accomplishtheir dreams"). In the second paragraph the writer focuses on the gooddeeds performed by Robinson, again providing specific examples (e.g.,"He tries to help kid's who are disable and mentely retarted"). The lastsentence, while presenting an additional bare reason, functions also asa conclusion to the response. Overall, the response is organized anddemonstrates an effective use of transitions. To achieve a higher score,the writer would need to provide additional elaboration for the existingreasons or to include additional elaborated reasons.

SCORE POINT 3o o.

221

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1

SCORE POIET 4

4 = RESPONSES THAT ARE CONSISTENT, SPECIFIC, AND ELABORATED. THE 410WRITER ACHIEVES SUCCESS WITH THE PERSUASIVE TASK BY MAKING ACHOICE AND PROVIDING SUPPORT FOR THAT CHOICE THROUGH REASONS,SOME OF WHICH ARE CLEARLY AND LOGICALLY DEVELOPED. THESERESPONSES ARE CHARACTERIZED BY MOST OF THE FOLLOWING:

Specific, veil- elaborated reasons. The reasons are presented in such away that they provide convincing support for the writer's statedchoice.

A consistent organizational strategy. Although minor lapses may occur,these responses have a clear sense of order and completeness. If anotherwise well-written response ends abruptly because the writer has runout of space, the paper is still eligible for a "4."


III


Varied syntactic ccnstructions, including compound and complexsentences.


222

SilyTexas Assessment of Academic SkillsPart 1 - Written Composition

P-15

Grade

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01-hot ex_ very ocht sinier. There ck. re -ft,v,e,

r ect Sons 14.17y s he is '6/00/an One r ea sovis heca...os her bra-111e r i s i'vl ic he l ciac lesaio;s pOp LIICL-r, Allot eLnO-ther rectso n ;sbe cads e sbe ; Jo opplctr he rSei7t; 5/4 /.r

s-t) ropoia.r 4-h2+ when she he hez.d, ci. con c ert;s /Ie. A 0,J 0-b Oa i / m 1 l,on 71. 1 ckets)cc r) eS -1- ile y j of so Id w;--thin fyo or ihree

,days. She is r) 1 Ili 'Jo h et.ye -f ha ± conc er÷kicuii n 10 I:9 par , +he vw.°--/Y i he re 14/1 II bemore. coo /y) for all of the fe °pie Jot n e 4Ja.c, 1 so h &Ls° a. n e ti... SO MA* COL 1/ e 04 Esc ap eo1

...7ckan i+ is cirea.c.17 one o-f her number

o he .s-oh._3 s. She is cx. very i o (A ricui ce rethas Ile 11 s very r e -I- t y, g 0 /10 t4/47fridershe. i _crop() la r / if .r he wou/ok come -1-0 our'.

scii 0 a i eNcery WO viol 9 a rays'y5orn a kids wo L., tek be ask 1 (1,9 to r he

a i - - r . 0 d - ec r a w'1 inj aII aver h C r. Or X d ltivlq u ef ions a bouf ke r ) i ce 6.r a- selekr itS c3 rn 4- i len e. s I wi's h I. cou 10( 50 wisihe. r Or so kr, e I A ;p15 And i f 2--c, et pi 4 ;{lee,I woulcl ii ke her "I-a corn e vis;+ me + hat- witty

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wt spenJ -1-41e wko 1 e 4109( 1-?ye-fherdJcule4 Jea- ckSON were io come here:

v..00411 1 fo,ut he,.r teac h meay-td ry-lx Erie rat how l o ot ex.nce civicI ho 14.

+0 s 14. dice 1/1, 84 r oyr r_10-re cinci hcLir:AnD 1-hat i s just°, Cew recisoos hilly 1w. con+ her- o COPY) e. 1001 4he re A. re lotsorJ s more r ect sons wh yker +a co 'me,

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beginning and ending. In the first part of the response, the writerpresents many specific details that explain why Janet Jackson is so

popular. After establishing and elaborating on the reasons forJackson's popularity, the writer then discusses how Jackson mightinteract with students if she were invited to the school. The amount ofelaboration and the overall unity and clear focus contribute to theeffectiveness of the response as a whole.

SCORE POINT 4

224

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This response achieves a score of 4 because of its thoroughnesi. Thewriter presents many reasons in support of his or her choice ofPresident Bush as a school visitor, each of which is specificallyelaborated. This elaboration ranges from minimal (e.g., "the school canlearn all the rules or laws of the United States so they know when theygrow up") to moderate (e.g., the paragraph about parents and thePresident). The writer includes no extraneous information; eachsentence contributes to the persuasiveness of the response. Although the

lackwriter moves rather abruptly from idea to idea, this of strongtransitions is not a severe enough problem to lower the student's score.

SCORE POINT 4

226


P-17

Grade5

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This response achieves a 4 because it is organized and evenlyelaborated. The writer wants the Queen of England to come to the schoolfor four reasons, each of which is specifically elaborated in a

different way. The first reason is developed primarily through adescription of the queen's appearance, the second through examples ofwhat the queen might see during her visit, the third through questionsthe queen might answer, and the fourth through illustrations of how theschool might benefit from the queen's visit. Although the word choice isnot as vivid as that of some other "4" responses, the writerdemonstrates consistent language control. Overall, this response is

because itseffective of thoroughness and clarity.

SCORE POINT 4

223

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This response is controlled, organized, and well elaborated. It consistsof three paragraphs, each of which provides a detailed, specificexplanation of what students might learn from an astronaut. Although thewriter closely connects these paragraphs through this general "learning"idea, each paragraph has a different focus. For example, paragraphs two .

and three are related in that the writer poses a number of questionsabout what students might ask an astronaut; however, the inquestionsparagraph two deal with what it is like to be an astronaut, while

three focuses on what one to do to becomeparagraph needs an astronaut.The response as a whole provides convincing support for the writer'sstated choice.

SCORE POINT 4

230

2c

23u

e TEXAS ASSESSMENT OF ACADEMIC SHILLSOBJECTIVES AND INSTRUCTIONAL TARGETS

ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTSGrade 5

DOMAIN: Written Communication

Objective 1: The student will respond appropriately in a writtencomposition to the purpose/audience specified in a given topic.

Classify differences and likenesses of objects and eventsUse ideas and information from sources other thanpersonal experiencesPresent a set of reasons intended to persuade

Objective 2: The student will organize ideas in a written composition on agiven topic.

Arrange ideas and informationJoin related sentences into paragraphs

Objective 3: The student will demonstrate control of the English languagein a written composition on a given topic.

Use the fundamentals of grammar

Objective 4: The student will generate a written composition that develops/supports/elaborates the central idea stated in a given topic.

Expand topics by collecting information from a variety ofsourcesDelete superfluous information to address the purpose andaudience more effectively

Objective 5: The student will recognize appropriate sentence constructionwithin the context of a written passage.

Recognize complete sentences and avoid fragments andrun-onsCombine sentence parts and sentences to produce a varietyof sentence structures including basic sentence psatternsand variations

Objective 6: The student will recognize appropriate English usage withinthe context of a written passage.

Use the correct subject, object, and possessive forms ofpronounsUse correct subject-verb agreement with personal pronounsand compound subjectsRecognize correct verb tense and correct form of tense ofirregular verbsUse the correct forms of adjectives and adverbs

Objective 7: The student will recognize appropriate spelling, capitalization,and punctuation within the context of a written passage.

Use the fundamentals of spellingUse appropriate capitalizationUse the fundamentals of punctuation

234

EXPLANATION OF PURPOSE/MODE

AT GRADE 5

Writing is a process for communication. However, not all forms of writtencommunication are the same, nor should all written communication occurin the same way. Individuals write to accomplish a purpose. At the Grade 5level, three purposes have been identified as appropriate for measurementin this assessment:

Persuasive - The writer presents reasons in support of apoint of view with the intention of influencing aparticular audience.Informative - The writer selects facts so that informationcan be conveyed.

Expressive - The writer expresses thoughts or feelingsabout an event or object.

Generally, these purposes do not occur in isolation. For example, apersuasive task may rely on expressive discourse in the presentation ofinformation to influence a particular audience. However, one purpose isgenerally primary, while others are subordinate to the main purpose. Inthis assessment, written composition items are designed to focus, as muchas possible, on a single purpose that is stated or implied in the prompt.

In conjunction with the idea of writing for a particular purpose is theconcept of writing for a specific audience. As one varies his or her writingto fit a particular purpose, one varies his or her writing to address a specificaudience.

In this assessment, the audience is specified in the prompt or is assumed tobe the reader. The student is expected to respond to the appropriateaudience in his or her composition.

To communicate ideas in a clear and effective manner, one must employ amethod or mode of organization appropriate for its intended purpose. Atthe Grade 5 level, three modes of organization have been identified asappropriate for measurement in this assessment:

Narrative - The writer sequences events in a particularorder.

Descriptive - The writer uses language to portray featuresand/or qualities of an idea or object.

Classificatory - The writer groups elements on the basis oftheir characteristics.

235

23S

While each of these modes can be easily defined, they do not generally occurin isolation in written discourse. For example, a narrative may includedescription or a description may classify. For purposes of this assessment,an attempt is made to cue students to a dominant mode so that they will usethat method of organization in their responses.

For this assessment the writing task calls for a particular combination ofpurpose and mode. The application of a scoring guide that is specific to aparticular purpose/mode ensures consistency and reliability in scoringvoluminous student responses. One should recognize, however, that ineveryday writing, purposes and modes sometimes overlap.

236

ELIGIBLE TYPES OF WRITING AT GRADE 5

A: Write a composition to describe an object, person, place,situation, or picture.

Description of Writing PromptL The prompt will elicit a composition that has an informative purpose and is

written in the descriptive mode.2. The prompt will ask the student to describe an object, person, place,

situation, or picture. The specified audience will be an appropriate adult orpeer audience, such as a classmate, a teacher, or the principal. Verbal cuesthat focus the student's attention on the task will be given in the prompt.

3. If a pictorial stimulus is given, it will consist of either a scene or a singleobject familiar to all beginning fifth grade students. The picture will beeither fanciful or realistic and will be relatively simple. Visual cues thatfocus the student's attention on the task will be given in the picture.

4. If the item to be described is not pictured, it will be familiar to beginningfifth grade students so that they can write about it.

5. The prompt will contain vocabulary appropriate for beginning fifth gradestudents.

6. The prompt will appeal to the interests and experiences of beginning fifthgrade students.

Description of Successful ResponsesThe composition will have an informative purpose and will be written in adescriptive mode and in a manner appropriate to the specified audience. Thelevel of expectation for student performance will be appropriate for beginningfifth grade students.

1. The description will be specific and elaborated. The writer should describe alengthy set of features, which may be elaborated through the use offigurative language and/or rich detail.

2. The description will paint a vivid picture of the object or scene in the mind ofthe reader by using picturesque words and/or sophisticated sentencestructure.

3. The response will be consistent in its organizational strategy. Usually thewriter will select one feature and describe it fully before moving on toanother feature. If appropriate, the writer will include the locations offeatures described and delineate the relationship of one feature to another.

4. The response will remain on topic from beginning to end and will notdigress into an expressive/narrative piece. The writer may frame thedescription with narration or interject expressive elements, but theseenhance the description rather than detract from it.

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B: Write a composition to tell how to do something.

Description of Writing Prompt1. The prompt will elicit a composition that has an informative purpose and is

written in the narrative mode.2. The prompt will ask the student to tell how to do something. The specified

audience will be an appropriate adult or peer audience, such as a classmate,a teacher, or the principal. Verbal cues that focus the student's attention onthe task will be given in the prompt.

3. The prompt will include a pictorial stimulus, or it will specify a process thatis to be explained.

4. If a pictorial stimulus is given, it will consist ofa scene, a single object, or aseries of pictures familiar to all beginning fifth grade students. Thestimulus will be relatively simple in nature; no extraneous details will beincluded. Visual cues that focus the student's attention on the task will begiven in the picture.

5. If a process is to be explained, the process will be familiar to beginning fifthgrade students so that they will be able to write about it.



Description of Successful ResponsesThe composition will have an informative purpose and will be written in thenarrative mode and in a manner appropriate to the specified audience. Thelevel of expectation for student performance will be appropriate for beginningfifth grade students.

1. The composition will delineate the steps needed to complete the specifiedtask and will order these steps sequentially.

2. Each step presented will be unambiguous, specific, and elaborated so thatthe step could be replicated by another individual.

3. The response will be consistent in its organizational strategy. A logicalsequence of steps will be presented. The writer will describe each step fullybefore moving on to another step.

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C: Write a narrative on a specified topic.

Description of Writing Prompt1. The prompt will elicit a composition that has an expressive purpose and is

written in the narrative mode.2. The prompt will ask the student to write a story. The stated or implied

audience will be an appropriate adult or peer audience, such as a classmate,a teacher, or the principal. Verbal cues that focus the student's attention onthe task will be given in the prompt.

3. The prompt will include a picture, or it will specify a story scenario.4. If a pictorial stimulus is given, it will consist of a scene or a single object,

and it will be fanciful or realistic. The stimulus will be relatively simple innature; no extraneous details will be included. Visual cues that focus thestudent's attention on the task will be given in the picture.

5. If a story scenario is presented, it will be familiar to beginning fifth gradestudents so that they will be able to write about it.


7. The prompt will appeal to the interes;s and experiences of beginning fifthgrade students.

Description of Successful ResponsesThe composition will have an expressive purpose and will be written in thenarrative mode and in a manner appropriate to the specified audience. Thelevel of expectation for student performance will be appropriate for beginningfifth grade students.

1. The story will follow the narrative progression from beginning to end. Thewriter will not make abrupt, confusing shifts in time or location. Whenshifts in time or location occur, the writer will handle these in a clear,effective manner.

2. The narrative will have a clear sense of beginning and ending. The writerwill not end the composition abruptly but will bring closure to it by resolvingthe action.

3. The response will include rich details and a varied choice of words.Description will be vivid and extensive and will help the reader to visualizethe events of the story. The details will embellish the unfolding events.

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D: Write a composition in which ideas/objects/people/places areclassified according to specified criteria and described.

Description of Writing Prompt1. The prompt will elicit a composition that has an informative purpose and is

written in a classificatory mode.2. The prompt will ask the student to classify ideas/objects/people/places. The

specified audience will ba an appropriate adult or peer audience, such as aclassmate, a teacher, or the principal. Verbal cues that focus the student'sattention on the task will be given in the prompt.

3. The prompt will include a pictorial stimulus, or it will simply specify theideas/objects/people/places to be discussed.

4. If a pictorial stimulus is given, it will consist of a series of pictures that arefamiliar to beginning fifth grade students and are relatively simple innature; no extraneous details will be included. Visual cues that focus thestudent's attention on the task will be given in the picture.

5. If ideas/objects/people/places are described in the prompt stimulus, they willbe familiar to beginning fifth grade students so that they can write aboutthem.



Description of Successful ResponsesThe composition will have an informative purpose and will be written in theclassificatory mode and in a manner appropriate to the specified audience. Thelevel of expectation for student performance will be appropriate for beginningfifth grade students.

1. In the composition, the specified ideas/objects/people/places will beclassified in a logical way in response to the specified audience.

2. Information presented about the specified ideas/objects/people/places will bespecific and elaborated.

3. The response will be consistent in its organizational strategy. Relationshipsbetween the ideas delineated will be clear.

4. The response will remain on topic from beginning to end. When personalanecdotes or other rhetorical devices are used, they will enhance theresponse rather than detract from it.

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E: Write a composition in which a choice is made and reasonsthat would support the choice and convince a specifiedaudience are presented.

Description of Writing Prompt1. The prompt will elicit a composition that has a persuasive purpose and is

written in a descriptive mode.2. The prompt will ask the student to make a choice and present convincing

reasons for the choice to a specified audience. The specified audience will bean appropriate adult or peer audience, such as a classmate, a teacher, or theprincipal. Verbal cues that focus the student's attention on the task will begiven in the prompt.

3. The prompt will include a pictorial stimulus, or it will simply specifyoptions among which a choice will be made.

4. If a pictorial stimulus is given, it will consist of either a scene or a singleobject familiar to all beginning fifth grade students. The picture will berelatively simple; no extraneous details will be included. Visual cues thatfocus the student's attention on the task will be given in the picture.

5. If the options among which a choice will be made are described in theprompt stimulus, the options will be familiar to all beginning fifth gradestudents so that they can write about them.



Description of Successful ResponsesThe composition will have a persuasive purpose and will be written in thedescriptive mode and in a manner appropriate to the specified audience. Thelevel of expectation for student performance will be appropriate for beginningfifth grade students. In the composition, the student will make a choice and willprovide reasons for the choice that are presented in a logical, unified way andare convincing to a specified audience.

1. The response will contain sufficient elaboration of reasons to make themunderstood clearly and to be convincing in support of the writer's statedposition.

2. The response will contain a clear sense of order and cfmpleteness asevidenced by effective use of transitional, introductory, and concludingelements.

3. The response will contain highly effective word choice, such as strikingwords, phrases, or expressions of thought.

4. The response will be characterized by an overall fluency in the expression ofideas.

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COMPLIANCE STATEMENT

TITLE VI, CIVIL RIGHTS ACT OF 1964; THE MODIFIED COURT ORDER, CIVIL ACTION 5281,FEDERAL DISTRICT COURT, EASTERN DISTRICT OF TEXAS, TYLER DIVISIONReviews of local education agencies pertaining to compliance with Title VI Civil Rights Act of 1964 and withspecific requirements of the Modified Court Order, Civil Action No. 5281, Federal District Court, EasternDistrict of Texas, Tyler Division are conducted periodically by staff representatives of the Texas EducationAgency. These reviews cover at least the following policies and practices:

(5)

(6)

(7)

acceptance policies on student transfers from other school districts;

operation of school bus routes or runs on a non-segregated basis;

nondiscrimination in extracurricular activities and the use of school facilities;

nondiscriminatory practices in the hiring, assigning, promoting, paying, demoting, reassigning, ordismissing of faculty and staff members who work with children;

enrollment and assignment of students without discrimination on the basis of race, color, or nationalorigin;

nondiscriminatory practices relating to the use of a student's first language; and

evidence of published procedures for hearing complaints and grievances.

In addition to conducting reviews, the Texas Education Agency staff representatives check complaints ofdiscrimination made by a citizen or citizens residing in a school district where it is alleged discriminatorypractices have occurred or are occurring.

Where a violation of Title VI of the Civil Rights Act is found, the findings are reported to the Office for CivilRights, U.S. Department of Education.

If there is a direct violation of the Court Order in Civil Action No. 5281 that cannot be cleared through negotia-tion, the sanctions required by the Court Order are applied.

TITLE VII, CIVIL RIGHTS ACT OF 1984; EXECUTIVE ORDERS 11246 AND 11375; TITLE IX,1973 EDUCATION AMENDMENTS; REHABILITATION ACT OF 1973 AS AMENDED; 1974AMENDMENTS TO THE WAGE-HOUR LAW EXPANDING THE AGE DISCRIMINATION INEMPLOYMENT ACT OF 1967; AND VIETNAM ERA VETERANS READJUSTMENT ASSISTANCEACT OF 1972 AS AMENDED IN 1974.It is the policy of the Texas Education Agency to comply fully with the nondiscrimination provisions of allfederal and state laws and regulations by assuring that no person shall be excluded from consideration forrecruitment, selection, appointment, training, promotion, retention, or any other personnel action, or be deniedany benefits or participation in any programs or activities which it operates on the grounds of race,.religion,color, national origin, sex, handicap, age, or veteran status (except where age, sex, or handicap constitutea bona fide occupational qualification necessary to proper and efficient administration). The Texas Educa-tion Agency makes positive efforts to employ and advance in employment all protected groups.

Texas Education Agency1701 North Congress Avenue

Austin, Texas 78701-1491

FS1-531-07

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Documents

DOCUMENT RESUME ED 348 575 CS 213 472 TITLE TAAS and the … · 2014. 4. 9. · DOCUMENT RESUME ED 348 575 CS 213 472 TITLE TAAS and the Writing Process: A Composition HandUook. Grades