8/14/2019 Don't Forget to Leave the Light On

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/dont-forget-to-leave-the-light-on 1/5

F R I D A Y, A U G U S T 2 1 , 2 0 0 9

Don't Forget to Leave the Light On 

Do you ever get almost overwhelmed by all the needs around you? This blog focuses on just one

deep hurt -- the destruction that unwanted same-sex attraction wreaks on the stubborn soul

that wants to reject it but clings to it for the identity it provides and the fear that losing that

identity brings -- but that's just one hurt. And even the people who carry that one often have

others to juggle with it. There are a lot of people and a lot of pain.

Some of the pain is physical -- accidents and illnesses. Some is self-inflicted -- addictions and

denials that lead to habits of destruction. Some is just borne by proximity -- heaped on

someone by someone else whose pain has reached the point of boiling over. We mix the pain as

best we can with whatever joy we can find, what pleasure we can afford, what understanding

we have of peace, like dropping items in a blender. Sometimes the end result is a healthy

concoction that goes down smoothly and strengthens. Sometimes even the blender chokes on

the rough ingredients.

In addition to the occasional posted comment, I receive e-mails from fellow strugglers and

struggler-supporters who read these posts. Most are like postcards from a journey, sharing

8/14/2019 Don't Forget to Leave the Light On

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/dont-forget-to-leave-the-light-on 2/5

insight from some stop along the way. Occasionally, one arrives from a roadblock, as did an e-

mail in response to last week's warning not to get stuck in "The Waiting Place:"

"You need to stop the madness dude. You don't have the answers. You are too stubborn to see

it. You cannot see the sky for the blue. GO AWAY. I do not need any of your advice. I have a

brain. I am not STUPID!!!!! Understand you DO NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS. Stop telling people

you do. After 40 years neither do I. Now that is waiting. MY FINAL NOTE." 

This fellow struggler -- having one of those days in which the devil delights to see us buried to

the point of suffocation in guilt and hopelessness -- is expressing what I myself have expressed

before when it came to people trying to be there for me. People with answers. People with akey to some secret door that opened onto a hidden path somewhere calling to me from beyond

a wall obscured by fog. "Can't you see?" It's like when someone holds up one of those purposely

skewed pictures with hidden images in it and they can see them but you can't. "What's wrong

with me that my eyes can't see?" soon turns into "take your stupid picture somewhere else and

leave me alone."

This disconnect -- the fact that people who want to help are turned away from those crying out

for help -- is something we really need to rewire if we're ever going to get anywhere. It would

be a phenomenon -- rejecting help -- if it were not so common. But in this area -- unwanted

same-sex attraction -- where the past, present and future are so intertwined in what is often a

spur-of-the-moment reaction to a fleeting temptation, the tendency is to just go it alone. Stare

it down. Or give in. Hide. Bear the guilt. Rebuild for the next assault and hope to do better

next time. It's a cycle of solitude for most strugglers, partly because they understand the

exhaustion and the wear-down and have wagered in their mind the unlikelihood that anyone

can walk the distance with them.

When we fall, we cry out, but the responses are so varied. Some hear and cross to the other

side of the road; others stop and scold, some weep, and then some come with answers . . .

good answers bound in reason, love and rooted in the Word of God. If the wiring is working, the

heart opens and receives and healing takes place and the struggle can be eased somewhat and

8/14/2019 Don't Forget to Leave the Light On

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/dont-forget-to-leave-the-light-on 3/5

the fog clears a bit and the gate becomes more visible. But sometimes the wires are tangled or

cut.

We already had the problem of too few people wanting to help people free themselves. Add to

that the fact that there are plenty of people -- the "give-it-up and go-gay-group" -- who say the

people who want to be free -- the strugglers -- actually already are free and just don't realize

it. They tell you to take a deep breath, dive in to a new life and deny what your Christian

identity is telling you. Note to the friend who wrote the e-mail above: They DO NOT HAVE THE

ANSWERS.

I remember a point in my life when I told myself I needed no one. I made an inner vow aftermy father had left me and a man had abused me. Our family moved frequently, making it too

difficult to kindle lasting friendships. I vowed I would be just fine on my own. I would be self-

sufficient. When I became a Christian, I opened the door to allow God in. Surely that would be

enough to make it.

Certainly God is all we "need." Truly He is the air we breathe. He is the salvation of our souls.

He is everything. He is our guide. He is our source of joy. He is the physician and He heals us.

He is the source of grace and forgiveness and mercy. These things are true.

But that doesn't mean that you are nothing. And that I am but a speck. God gave us each other.

Relationships were His idea. He created two people in the garden so they could have

relationships with Him and each other. And He told us in one of His first commandments to be

fruitful and multiply. Not so we could make life harder on each other, but so that we could help

each other through. Life is not all one big garden anymore.

Despite my personal vow to need no one, people kept wiggling in. A teacher who was

determined to convince me I could be a very good writer if I would just believe. A college Bible

professor who convinced me to apply for a missions position which sent me from a little town

in Texas to the heart of Bangladesh. A stepfather who, despite the loss of several fingers on his

hand, taught me to make a firm handshake. A mother whose love defines unconditional. A wife

8/14/2019 Don't Forget to Leave the Light On

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/dont-forget-to-leave-the-light-on 4/5

who never gives up and always lifts up. A counselor who believes that this journey I am on is

just that: a journey, mapped, with an end point. How dare these people violate my vow and

care about me. And there have been others . . . and probably many I have shut out. And there

are those who have shut themselves out. Why is it all so complicated?

"See to it brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the

living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you

may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." -- Hebrews 3:12-13.

You see, God knows we need each other. We're "brothers." We're to encourage. Daily. He knows

that sin deceives us and hardens us and turns us against each other and we make vows abouthow we don't need each other or want each other or trust each other or love each other or

care about each other . . . or have any answers for each other. That's hardness.

My friend who e-mailed above may be right that I don't have the answers. But I know who does.

God. And he tells me to love and to care and to encourage. That's like turning three lights on in

a dark hallway. It can be a long hallway and if it is too dark, someone might turn back.

I watched a Sy Rogers video last night and was reminded that God can free me from the power

of a history I cannot change. I want to share that word with my friend who has struggled for 40

years. You can't change the history . . . but God can free you from its power. He can stop the

madness. Follow the light.

God Bless,

Thom

8/14/2019 Don't Forget to Leave the Light On

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/dont-forget-to-leave-the-light-on 5/5