E Book Manage Stress

Address Your Stress, Stay Healthy & Calm Karen Carnabucci, MSS, LCSW, TEP

By Karen Carnabucci, MSS, LCSW, TEP Lake House Health & Learning Center

Racine, Wisconsin

Address your stress, stay healthy and calm


© 2010 by Karen Carnabucci, MSS, LCSW, TEP Copyright holder is licensing this under the Creative Commons License, Attribution 3.0.

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/us/

Lake House Health & Learning Center 932 Lake Ave.

Racine, WI 53403 www.lakehousecenter.com

This book has been created especially for the Educators Credit Union. Please feel free to share with whomever you believe would benefit from reading it.

Thank you!


How to use this book This e-book is designed to offer a variety of suggestions for real stress relief with the whole person approach. The whole person approach recognizes that we are complex human beings and there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. It also recognizes that within this complexity it is important to address mind, body and spirit. You may wish to print out this book so it can be an easily available resource for you. Your online version can point you to a number of valuable web sites with just a click. Although the book builds upon ideas of identification first and actions regarding self care second, you may begin at any page. Keep in mind that you may find different sections more appealing at different times. Some material may be familiar to you, and some material may be new to you. I encourage every reader to have openness to new information that can truly change your life and your ability to deal with difficult situations. Feedback and suggestions for additional topics are welcome. To your health… Karen Carnabucci, MSS, LCSW, TEP Lake House Health & Learning Center Racine, Wisconsin

“The trick is not how well you deal with success but how well you deal with adversity.” — W. Michael Blumenthal


Stress? We all have it. Unfortunately, the experience of stress is a fact of life in our hurried world, where every day we are pushed to do-do-do and go-go-go. When we are faced with a life-shaking event — such as a job loss — we can feel very, very overwhelmed. There are ways of reducing stress without alcohol, pills, cookies or television. Making the effort to stay calm and healthy without these kinds of quick fixes can be a challenge. But the results are worth it. Why address stress? The fact is that stress hurts our health. High levels of stress set our primitive survival mechanisms into high gear. Stress signals will flood our bodies with various hormones and other human-made chemicals. What is our body’s natural reaction in the face of stress, in turn, affects our blood pressure, our ability to think clearly and other body processes. It’s been shown that stress contributes to heart problems, obesity, infertility, reduced immune function, chronic anxiety and a host of other health problems. Unaddressed stress also impacts our relationships. Arguments seem to start more quickly, and bad moods may brew for a longer amount of time, causing people toward words and actions that are out of character. People may turn to unhealthy behaviors — drinking too much, eating too much, spending too much — that may cause further conflict. If you are feeling stress, the best thing that you can do is to take care of yourself NOW. Care of yourself will have dividends that will pay forward with a higher level of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” — William James


The first step is to educate yourself about stress. Here’s a brief definition: Stress comes from a situation in which you feel frustrated, angry or anxious and your resources to be comfortable with these feelings aren’t enough to flow with the situation. We might see it like this: Situation + high emotion = stress. It’s important to know that you may have certain reactions that may at first feel scary and unsettling. Here are normal reactions to a stressful event, such as losing a job: Wide range of feelings. Difficulty sleeping. Irritability. Low energy and lack of energy. Fear and anxiety. Confusion. Lack of concentration. High levels of tension in the body. Feeling out of control with certain behaviors, such as overeating,

worrying and spending. Feeling angry or judgmental. Physical complaints, such as headaches, stomach aches and other aches

and pains, even though there is no medical reason. What doesn’t help — and hurts There’s evidence that many of our culture’s favorite stress-reduction “solutions” create more stress and illness. Alcohol – whether in the form of a good stiff drink or a simple glass of wine – appears to relax us when in reality it is numbing our central nervous system. We don’t feel the feeling,

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” — Thomas Merton


not because the feeling has disappeared but because the alcohol has numbed our ability to feel much of anything at all. If we are prone to depression, we will find that alcohol literally “depresses” the central nervous system, contributing to feelings of depression as well. Cigarettes stress the vascular system, and sugar stimulates a flood of insulin, which can contribute to rising and falling levels of energy as well as weight gain and cravings. Eating, the original way that we learned to feel soothed and nourished, can become mindless as we snack our way through bags of chips and sweets, along with second helpings of dinner. A diet of processed foods impact our ability to think clearly and make good decisions. Medications are available that calm your physiological response to stressful events. However, they do not strengthen you or teach you skills to help you get through the event and stabilize and prosper — and might lead to dependencies and addiction. Stress frequently brings people to my psychotherapy and coaching sessions. Although the story is always a bit different – a difficult relationship, struggles with parenting, ill health, significant loss – the person is struggling to sustain an adequate level of functioning in the face of stress. Basically, too many feelings, demands and obligations are whirling within the person, and his or her capacity to handle the challenges of these this inner experience is overwhelmed. Losing a job — which accounts to not only losing an identity but also an income and even status — can be overwhelming for most people. Relief is available with intention and effort. This e-book is designed to offer a variety of suggestions for genuine stress relief with a whole person approach, addressing mind, body and spirit.

“Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.” — Mary Tyler Moore


Follow the suggestions as best you can. In what I call the “first aid” period of stress, what’s most important is that we admit that we’ve been shaken by life events and take responsibility to attend to our distress — rather than hoping they will just go away. This means: We accept that we have strong and painful feelings about the event and that they are real. Then we make a promise to ourselves — and to any other important persons in our lives — that we will address the situation as important and necessary. Learn how to accept your feelings. Many of us spend a great deal of time denying and pushing aside our feelings. Some of us have the belief that having feelings is “weak” and they believe they must stay “strong.” Here, it’s important to redefine what is strong and what is weak. Strength is actually the courage to face the truth of your experience, even if it does not look like how you like to think about yourself. Facing “what is” gives you the opportunity to take proper action. Know the difference between emotions and thoughts. A feeling is an inner experience that involves an emotion — mad, sad, glad, lonely or scared. A thought is your mind’s explanation about a feeling.

“It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up again.” — Vince Lombardi


For instance, you may feel angry or sad — or both — about your job loss. You may experience this feeling as a beating heart, a jittery stomach or a sad and heavy place in your chest, maybe even in your heart. Here is the emotion: “I’m angry.” Here’s the thought: “My boss is really a jerk. They’re all jerks.” Here’s another emotion: “I’m sad.” Here’s another thought: “Nothing ever turns out right for me.” Notice that the feelings are facts — they are statements about your experience in the moment. The thoughts are stories that you make up about your feelings — which are often not true. As you keep grasp of the thoughts, you will create an attitude that amplifies worry and negativity. If they are not addressed and redirected, you may become chronically angry, depressed or physically ill. The sooner that you are able to sort feelings from thoughts, the sooner you will be able to begin to stabilize your inner experience. If you choose to seek new directions or make new decisions for your life, you’ll be able to move forward with clarity, unencumbered by unfinished or unacknowledged feelings.

“Action is the antidote to despair.” — Joan Baez


Checklist: Identify your feelings. Acknowledge your feelings to yourself. Use a notebook or diary to write about your feelings. Share your feelings with people who can listen without judgment.

Journaling — writing emotions, thoughts, experiences and wishes — is a good way to reduce the intensity of your feelings. Texas psychologist James W. Pennebaker studied journaling and found that writing about painful experiences can enhance immune response, reduce recovery times, and promote physical, psychological, and social well-being. His book, “Writing to Heal: A Guided Journal for Recovering from Trauma and Emotional Upheaval” offers good ideas if you’d like extra guidance. Have a routine that keeps you stabilized. Keep a schedule. Getting up at the same time each morning, going to

bed at the same time each night and eating meals on time stabilizes your body functions. Participate in the regular activities that has given your life pleasure and

structure: your weekly breakfast with friends, your evening church group, attendance at your place of worship, an after-dinner walk with a neighbor.

Pay attention to nutrition. (Eat healthy food.) Healthy food -- food that is not highly processed -- nourishes your body and brain. Read labels and avoid foods that contain large amounts of sugar, preservatives and bleached flour. Reduce caffeine too. Focus on whole grains, fruits and vegetables. You’ll be able to think more

“Every food you chose is an opportunity to either nourish or neglect your health. Chose health and you will be amazed how your body will repay you a hundred-fold for that tender loving care.” — Elizabeth Somer


clearly and reduce fatigue and uneven moods. You may even sleep better, which will give you more energy. One excellent resource is the book, “Food and Mood” by Elizabeth Somer, who links junky diets to depression and anxiety and cravings. Her newest book, “Eat Your Way To Happiness,” details how dietary changes lead to feelings of happiness and well being. See your favorite book publishing site or her site at www.elizabethsomer.com. So, here’s your checklist: Eat as well as you can. Stay away from highly processed foods, sugary foods, sweet beverages

and caffeine. Drink plenty of water. Take a good multi-vitamin daily. Vitamin B, especially Vitamin B-12, will soothe your nervous system. Omega-3 fish oils will feed your brain and reduce the risk of depression. Eat foods that are soothing and gentle to the body. Brown rice is one of

those foods; so is oatmeal. 1/2 cup sweet potato daily — a suggestion of Traditional Chinese

Medicine practitioners — is a classic Asian way of increasing energy. You can also nourish your body and spirit in other important ways. One of the most important ways of nourishing your body is to practice conscious breathing. Conscious breathing means that you are aware of your breath and are able to control each inhalation and exhalation. Learn how to breathe properly. When you breathe deeply into your belly so that your belly puffs out a bit, you are activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which relaxes the

“All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming it.” — Helen Keller


body. Remember that you are in complete control of how long you take to draw oxygen into your body and how long to take to release your breath. Find your own rhythm — just remember to make it slow. A good yoga teacher will help you learn how to bring oxygen into your system by showing you how to breathe properly. There are books, CDs and DVDs that are now more easily available as we increasingly understand the importance of correct breathing. A helpful book is “Conscious Breathing: Breathwork for Health, Stress Release, and Personal Mastery” by Gay Hendricks. Online resources are also available. I especially recommend YouTube (www.youtube.com) which offers many wonderful videos that demonstrate breathing techniques, sometimes with stretching. Here are just few of many titles to search on YouTube: Rodney Yee Stretching video from Become Relaxed Deep Breathing at Home How To Do Breathing Exercises The Breathing Box with Gay Hendricks Notice that the instructors have varied approaches. Check out YouTube’s search function for a menu of more videos and select the ones that are most compatible to you. Imagination helps too. Guided imageries — combining breathing, imagination and music — are powerful ways of changing our thoughts and responses about stress. I frequently recommend the imageries from Belleruth Naparstek’s Health Journeys site (www.healthjourneys.com) where CDs and downloads are available for purchase.

“We live in an intelligent and responsive universe which acts and interacts with us at all times towards our best interest.” — Carl Jung


You may also find samples of these imageries at the Kaiser Permanente site which you can download at no charge. See: https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/ for these samples. Release “stress energy” with exercise and movement. Nearly any exercise is fine, but consult a chiropractor, physician or physical therapist if you have injuries or aches of concern. You also may opt for yoga, tai chi chuan, qigong (also known as chi kung) all of which mix breathing and a philosophy of living with physical activity to multiply benefits. You may look for a class in your area or find videos or DVDs at your library. Again, www.youtube.com is a good resource, especially if these practices are new to you. Live simply. Identify what is genuinely nourishing to you, and examine if goals that you hold in your life really belong to you -- or to your parents, your culture or others who have placed their expectations on you. Decisions based on your healthy needs and values are more likely to bring you positive feelings of satisfaction and create meaning in your life. Gather support for yourself. First, a few words about support. Support is a word that has nearly lost its meaning in recent years since we use this word regularly for all kinds of situations and settings.

“It’s hard to be grateful and search for what’s wrong with things at the same time. By eliminating the need to be perfect, acceptance with the way things are is easier and less stressful. This also decreases the need to be right, to compete or to judge.” — Richard Carlson


Support is not agreeing or joining in the drama of the story. It is not taking sides nor does it involve blaming someone or spreading negativity. True support says: “I’m here.” “I understand.” “I’m listening.” “Let me know when you need to talk.” “Here’s what worked for me.” “Tell me more if you wish.” “Let me know how I can help and I’ll do my best.” Find people who will accept your feelings without judgment. Stay away from people who are full of doom and gloom and negativity. This may involve making new friends or finding a support group, formal or informal, where you can talk honestly about yourself. Pastor, minister, spiritual leader Informal support group Formal support group Job-hunting group Spend time with a pet

Learn to understand what stress you create for yourself and what stress is beyond your control. Begin to sort though what you can do to reduce the stress that is self-created. For instance, you may decide not to schedule yourself so tightly so that you don’t have to rush from one appointment to another in a panic. You may leave more time for driving when you know you’ll be traveling a traffic-congested area.

"When our days are turbulent and troubled, our challenge is to remember that the wave is not the sea." — Mark Nepo


Set boundaries with others. This may mean saying “no” to requests that you are not able take on -- including extra obligations, favors or other tasks. Or you may need to set boundaries with yourself as you identify your limitations in not being able to do it all. Be sure your choices are yours to make. Rest when you are tired. Real rest doesn’t mean turning on the television and plopping yourself in front of the screen. Studies show the nattering TV actually floods more information to the tired brain that must be sorted and processed; we might guess that surfing the Internet is similar. It’s also important to have quiet places to rest and relax; studies also show that people who are exposed to constant noise are highly stressed in their body processes -- although they may say they feel “relaxed.” Learn meditation. Even five minutes a day of meditation can help you release thoughts from your brain, allowing it to cleanse and empty. You may think more clearly, find yourself more able to stay present and experience more intuitive connections. Here is a basic plan for meditation: Sit in a comfortable place where you can keep your back comfortably straight — a pillow, bench, sofa or chair. Place hands gently on lap and soften your focus or mostly close your eyes or close your eyes completely. Take a slow deep breath.

“Great minds have purposes; little minds have wishes. Little minds are subdued by misfortunes; great minds rise above them.” — Washington Irving


When you notice a thought arising, silently say “thinking” and return to the breath. Continue to breathe. When another thought intrudes, identify the thought by saying “thinking” and return to the breath once again. Many books, CDs, DVDs and videos can guide you with various meditation styles. You may also wish to find a group if you need the instruction, have specific questions or support of others. Music that is soft and flowing can be very relaxing; others find music with strong bass notes (such as cello) stabilizing. Herbs, homeopathic remedies and aromatherapy Herbs, homeopathic remedies and aromatherapy can assist with sleep and calming. Many people find herbs and supplements like valerian, melatonin and passiflora helpful in relaxing and sleeping. A herb from Traditional Chinese Medicine is He Huan Hua, which is known as the “happy flower” and helps with a broken heart, grief and stress. Homeopathic remedies are individualized to very specific conditions relating to stress, anxiety, panic or sleeplessness. Rescue Remedy is an all-purpose emergency treatment that is calming; see www.rescueremedy.com. Aromatherapy studies have shown that lavender reduces stress. Use pharmaceutical grade essential oil — not a copycat perfume — and put 5-6 drops in your bath or 2-3 drops on a cotton ball to tuck in your pillow case. These remedies are not habit forming and generally considered safe although it is best to check with your physician, pharmacist or other trained health professional to make sure that anything that you use will not

“Do what you say you value.” — Roger Mellott


interfere with medications you currently take. Notice what nurtures Notice what really nurtures you: a warm bath, a cup of an herbal tea like chamomile, a walk in the park with your dog, a head massage, a passage from an inspirational book, a funny movie, prayer. Share ideas with others and find out their favorites. Massage, acupuncture, acupressure and energy work like Reiki. These modalities and others help the body release tension and relax. Although each is a little different, they act in similar ways by unblocking the energy within the body, increasing circulation and releasing tension. Hand placements and energetic exercises Simple hand placements and energetic exercises that you can do yourself will release and balance the self’s energies. Stomping feet This is very simple bioenergetic exercise that is especially helpful when you are unable to slow your thoughts or feel very fidgety or angry. Sit comfortably in a chair. Place your feet flat on the floor. Begin stomping your feet: left, right, left, right. Continue stomping for at least 30 seconds, keeping the same rhythm. Stop and breathe. As you build stamina, you will be able to stamp for a longer period of time, up to 2 or more minutes. Grounding Sit comfortably in a chair. Place your feet flat on the floor or ground. Take

“Many companies have long contended that stress in the home causes produc-tivity loss in the market place.. and it does. But research now reveals that stress on the job causes stress at home. In other words, they feed off each other.” — Zig Ziglar


a deep breath and imagine that you have “roots” growing from the soles of your feet through the floor and into the ground. Imagine that the roots continue to grow deep into the earth. Continue to breathe and enjoy this rooted and stable feeling — as if you are a sturdy tree with your roots going deep into the earth. Enjoy the feeling of strength and connection. You may also do this exercise when standing with loosely relaxed knees. Head and heart Sit or lay comfortably. Place on hand on your forehead and one hand on your heart. Hold for 15 minutes. This exercise, one of many, comes from Sharon Giammatteo’s book “Body Wisdom: Light Touch For Optimal Health.” Touching fingers Sit comfortably. Rest your hands on your lap. Place your fingertips and thumb tips together so all are gently touching. Cross left ankle over right if you are a woman; right ankle over left if you are a man. Sit quietly and breathe. Final words Perhaps you know these practices and habits make good logical sense -- but

you haven’t been able to make changes despite your best efforts. If this is so, your challenge is twofold -- to discover what gets in the way of taking care of yourself for the valuable person you are and to learn how to make new choices that are sustainable throughout the course of your life. Remember that others can help you do what you cannot do alone — and find support for yourself. Have courage and make sure you find support for the journey.

“It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.” — Wayne Dyer


Karen Carnabucci, MSS, LCSW, TEP, is a psychotherapist, coach, consultant and educator who employs traditional and contemporary models and the expressive arts to work with people to solve prob-lems, make decisions and expand creativity. She is a licensed clinical social worker and nationally certified trainer, educator and practitioner in psychodrama, sociometry and group psy-chotherapy. She has had the great good fortune of studying with Zerka Moreno, the widow and collaborator of Dr. J.L. Moreno, the European physician who developed psychodrama, and Heinz Stark, a leading trainer in Systemic Constellation Work from Germany. She has practiced and taught these and other unique experiential mind-body methods in a variety of settings locally, regionally, nationally and internationally since 1989. She has contributed chapters to professional books and written arti-cles about stress, trauma, non-traditional therapies, addiction, crea-tivity and other health and wellness issues for numerous regional and national publications. Find out more about Karen and her programs, blog and books or to subscribe to her e-mail newsletter at www.lakehousecenter.com. Contact Karen at [email protected] or (262) 633-2645 in Racine, Wisconsin.

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E Book Manage Stress