INSTITUTE FOR TRAINING IN MINISTRY

YOUR MINISTRYAT HOME

Maryann Samms and

Cathy Doguiles

This 12 lesson study course provides practical principles in how to establish and maintain a truly Christian home. It is designed for use with small

groups and is part of the Church Ministry track of iTIM.

© 2016 by Discipleship Overseas, Inc.

To purchase copies of this book, or its Leader’s Guide,

log on to:TRAININGINMINISTRY.COM

Locate the title, then click on:

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INTRODUCING iTIM

The Institute for Training In Ministry (iTIM) is a church-based program to help pastors “equip the saints for the work of ministry”. The iTIM curriculum begins with, a basic discipleship course, Christianity 101, and builds from there, including the training of pastors.

Each iTIM course has a related practicum. These ministry assignments help assure that learning results in ministry—“for building up the body of Christ.” (Ephesians 4:12)

Your possession of this iTIM book is an indicator that God may be calling you to serve our Lord. Jesus’ commission to his followers is simply: “make disciples”. Disciples are learners—who learn from him, do his bidding, and make more disciples.

HOW iTIM STARTED. The Institute for Training In Ministry was begun with a vision on the part of missionary educators Bob and Maryann Samms. They returned from the Philippines in 1979 with a vision to help churches equip people for ministry. As God blessed, courses were developed, tested, and first used in the Denver area.

iTIM now has a fuller vision—to make this ministry available to every church, in every country of the world. We believe that every church needs iTIM.

Denominations can adapt the course content, design their own covers, and print their own iTIM courses. Email admin@traininginministrycom for details.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS. Maryann Samms and Cathy Doguiles are both active wives and mothers, although Maryann's five children are now grown. Cathy was born in the Philippines, but has spent most of her life in the U.S. Maryann served in the Philippines for twenty years as a missionary educator, especially focused on children's ministry.

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Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

TABLEOF CONTENTS

For Study Leaders .................................................4

The iTIM Curriculum..............................................5

Weekly Devotional Readings .................................8

1 Foundation of the Home ...................................9

2 Two Becoming One .........................................15

3 Two Kinds of Forgiveness ...............................23

4 Strength In Communication............................29

5 Rhythm and Time ...........................................35

6 Direct Your Money .........................................42

7 When Two Become Three or More .................50

8 Sex After Children, Oh My!............................ 57

9 Basic Training of Your Children .....................63

10 Family Togetherness ......................................70

11 Family Nutrition .............................................78

12 Family to Families ..........................................85

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FOR STUDY LEADERS

Jesus’ last Great Commission was: “make disciples” (Matthew 28:18-20). Every iTIM course will help you do this.

First, log on to TrainingInMinistry.com to obtain a copy of the iTIM OPERATIONS MANUAL. This Manual contains sections on:

Discovering iTIM The iTIM Ministry Tracks Preparing Your Church for iTIM How to Implement Your iTIM

Next, purchase copies of the iTIM course you plan to start with from the website: traininginministry.com. We recommend begin with the discipling course, Christianity 101, and its Leader’s Guide.

Educational Philosophy

Every iTIM course incorporates a head, heart, and hands approach to learning. Head represents content to be learned, heart the application of this truth to one’s own life, and hands, involvement in ministry through using the course content.

Time Commitment

As the Group Study Leader, you need to carefully: 1) Prepare the workbook lesson—as thoroughly as you want your learners to prepare theirs. 2) Read the Leader’s Guide and mark questions you want to ask during the group sessions.

The Weekly Group Meeting

This 60-90 minute weekly meeting should feature a discussion of the lesson. The Leader’s Guide focuses on integrative and application type questions. It should consist of an hour of interaction with the lesson, as well as time for prayer and group fellowship.

Ministry Involvement6

This iTIM course-related ministry opportunity should be appropriate to the gifts and ministry experiences of each learner, resulting in their growth; and the “building up” of the Body of Christ.

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The iTIMCurriculum

The Institute for Training In Ministry will enable you to “equip the saints for the work of ministry and so build up the body of Christ.” iTIM courses are organized under 5 ministry tracks.

To purchase these courses and their Leader’s Guides, log on to TrainingInMinistry.com; select the track, then the course. We recommend that you start with Track 1 courses.

Discipleship Track

CHRISTIANITY 101 is designed to disciple new Christians, either in small groups, or one-to-one. Outcome: Learners will lead another person through this course.

A PANORAMA OF THE BIBLE features easy-to-remember visuals for each of the 12 Bible periods. Learners will thrill to find that they can remember the major themes of Bible content and message. Outcome: Learners will satisfactorily pass the Panorama final exam, and, as God gives opportunities, share this course with others

LEARNING TO SERVE: JESUS AS ROLE MODEL teaches the servant life-style of Jesus in many ministry related contexts, and helps learners put this into practice in their ministry. Outcome: Learners will be given a ministry role wherein they demonstrate the servant-leader style of Jesus.

Church Ministry Track

The Church Ministry track consists of the Discipleship Track courses, plus any three of the following courses:

WELCOME TO YOUR MINISTRY teaches the important truth that God has called and gifted all believers for ministry and challenges them to get involved in some basic

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ministries in the church. Outcome: Learners will commit to getting additional training for ministry, and getting involved in it.

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS will provide believers with a better understanding of which spiritual gifts they may have, and how to use their gifts in service for Christ. Outcome: A short-term assignment will be given, wherein learners use one of their gifts in an approved ministry.

YOUR MINISTRY OF PRAYER studies prayer in Scripture, and will help learners become involved in a significant ministry of prayer. Outcome: Participants will commit to a ministry of prayer as suggested in the course content.

OUTREACH AS A LIFE-STYLE will train lay people to develop friendships with people, leading to sharing Christ with them. Outcome: Learners will practice this personal evangelism approach in their lives of sharing their faith.

YOUR MINISTRY AT HOME provides practical principles in how to establish and maintain a truly Christian home. Outcome: Learners are expected to apply what they’ve learned in their own homes, and be consistent in reading the Bible each day, expecting to meet with God in a personal way.

TOUCHING TOMORROW BY TEACHING CHILDREN is a superb tool to train more workers to serve in the exciting ministry of teaching children. Outcome: Teaming up with an experienced teacher as an assistant for one quarter or more.

CHRISTIANITY IN THE WORKPLACE relates faith to practical and ethical issues on the job. Its focus is how to be like Christ in the work world. Outcome: Learners will apply these biblical principles to their areas of work.

Church Leadership Track

The Church Leadership track consists of the three Discipleship Track courses, plus the following courses.

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TRUTH THAT TRANSFORMS will provide learners with a solid foundation in the major doctrines of Scripture, with an emphasis on practical applications. Outcome: Learners will, with the aid of the Leader’s Guide, lead another individual, or group of people through this course.

EQUIPPING FOR LEADERSHIP will encourage, equip, and train Christian men and women for increased effectiveness in leadership. Outcome: learners will demonstrate the skills taught in this course in an assigned ministry position.

Bible Teaching Track

The Bible Teaching track consists of the three Discipleship Track courses, the Church Leadership Track courses, plus the following courses.

A SURVEY OF THE NEW TESTAMENT is a 24-lesson N.T. survey. It includes outlines of each book, background information, and questions for individual study. Outcome: Learners will be able to lead Bible studies in any New Testament book.

A SURVEY OF THE OLD TESTAMENT (24 lessons) includes background information, the main idea of each book, an outline of each book, and questions of practical and spiritual value. Outcome: Learners will learn how Old Testament books relate to the New Testament, and will be enabled to lead Bible studies in Old Testament books.

HOW TO STUDY THE BIBLE (24 lessons) will give students an in-depth exposure to the inductive method of Bible study and help them develop their own outlines for leading Bible studies. Outcome: Based on their study, learners will lead 10 Bible studies in the book of Ephesians.

Pastoral Track

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The Pastoral Track consists of the three Discipleship Track courses, all courses in the Bible Teaching Track, plus the following courses:

PREPARING TO PREACH teaches and illustrates the basic elements of the sermon, and helps learners develop, and preach, their own sermon from each of these three types. Outcome: Learners will complete three sermon outlines, and preach one sermon from each: topical, textual, and expository.

A PANORAMA OF CHRISTIAN HISTORY provides a “big picture” view of the Church from the 1st through the 20th century. It also emphasizes practical lessons we can apply to our own ministry. Outcome: Learners will teach this course in another context.

CONTENDING FOR THE FAITH is a course on Christian apologetics, which will equip learners to defend and share their faith, especially among intellectual unbelievers. Outcome: Learners will engage in a ministry of defending and sharing their faith.

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WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL READINGSFOR YOUR MINISTRY AT HOME

The following devotional readings correlate with the 12 lessons in this course, and give additional perspective on your role in the home. You are encouraged to take a few minutes daily, to write your response to God as you meditate on these Scriptures:Week 1: Deuteronomy 8:1-14; Joshua 1:1-9; Psalm 119:97-112; Lamentations 3:19-40; Matthew 4:1-11; Philippians 4:4-8; Hebrews 4:12-16.Week 2: Genesis 2:15-25; Psalm 113:1-9; Psalm 127:1-5; Proverbs 12:4; 18:22; 21:1-31; Ephesians 5:21-33; Titus 2:1-15; 1 Pet. 3:1-12.Week 3: Matthew 6:5-15; Matthew 18:21-35; Mark 11:20-26; Colossians 3:12-14; Luke 6:27-42; 11 Cor. 2:5-11; Ephesians 4:17-32; James chapter 4.Week 4: Proverbs 15:1-33; Proverbs 16:13-28; Proverbs 17:1-28; Proverbs 18:8-24; Matthew 5:33-48; Col. 3:15-17; 4:2-6; James 1:26; 3:1-18.Week 5: Deut. 32:1-12; Psalm 25:1-22; Psalm 48:1-14; Psalm 139:1-24; Psalm 143:1-12; Proverbs 16:1-9; Luke 14:28-35.Week 6: Malachi 3:6-18; Mark 10:17-31; Luke 6:17-38; Luke 12:22-46; Luke 21:1-4; 11 Corinthians 8:1-24; 11 Corinthians 9:1-15.Week 7: Psalm 128:1-6; Genesis 49:1-28; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13; Luke 15:11-31; Hebrews 12:4-15; 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12; 11 Corinthians 12:14, 15; 13:5-10.Week 8: Proverbs 5:1-23; Song of Solomon 1:1-17; Song of Solomon 2:1-17; Song of Solomon 5:1-16; Song of Solomon 7:1-13; Song of Solomon 8:1-14; 1 Timothy 3:1-11; 5:9-15.Week 9: Deuteronomy 4:1-14; Deuteronomy 6:1-25; Proverbs 23:12-26; Isaiah 44:1-5; Mark 9:33-37; 10:13-16; 11 Timothy 1:3-14; Colossians 3:1-21.Week 10: Psalm 84; Psalm 90; Psalm 92; Psalm 96; Psalm 100; Psalm 101; Psalm 103.

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Week 11: James 1:1-18; James 1:19-2:13; James 2:14-26; James; 3:1-18; James 4:1-12; James 4:13-5:6; James 5:7-20.Week 12: Genesis 18:1-19; Matthew 25:31-46; Acts 10:22-48; Romans 12:1-21; Hebrews 13:1-21; 1 Peter 4:1-11; Revelation 19:1-10.

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Lesson 1

THE FOUNDATION OF THE HOME

The Harrington’s house was one of the finest in the neighborhood, but five years after they moved in, cracks began to appear throughout the structure. The builder had made an unfortunate mistake—he had laid the foundation over soil containing bentonite, a type of clay soil that swells when it becomes wet. It is distressing enough to see a fine home damaged in this way, but far more shocking to see an outstanding Christian family fall apart before your eyes. In sad disbelief we murmur, “They were such fine Christians. No one was more generous to the church than they. They had an outstanding witness in the community. How could it ever have happened?” Clem Guillermo, Pastor and Marriage Counselor from the Philippines, describes how broken marriages happen in a subtle way over long periods of time. Termites were used to illustrate how the walls of a Christian family can be destroyed when they are not carefully attended.  Termites are small but destructive, to the point that a Filipino house can easily fall apart.   Let us dedicate and commit to studying God’s truth and surrendering our lives to grow in knowledge and grace. Let us allow the work of the Holy Spirit to teach, counsel, and help us in our ministry that starts at home. God, the Master Builder   In Psalm 127:1, God lays down a thought-provoking principle. State it in your own words: _________________________________________________________________________

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Do we really believe that unless God is the “foundation” for our family that all our efforts will be in vain? What difference will this make in our personal walk with Him? State this briefly: ____________________________________________________

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Men and women throughout history have come to grips with their great need to know God intimately. How did Daniel deal with this need? (Daniel 6:10) _________________________________________________________________________

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What step did the Psalmist take to become more intimate with God? (Psalm 119:11) _________________________________________________________________________

Look at Mark 1:35. How did Jesus maintain His close relationship with His Father? _________________________________________________________________________

What assurance did God proclaim to His people? (Psalms 31:21) __________________________________________________________________________________________________Look at (Isa. 49:16, 17). The wall was used as an example of what? _________________________________________________________________________

Building Our Lives on God’s Foundation   Daily personal Bible study and prayer are very important for personal spiritual growth. If we hope to build our Christian homes on a firm foundation and guard our family from destructive surroundings, we must establish a growing love-relationship with

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God. What does I Corinthians 7:12-14 say about the influence of one family member on another? _________________________________________________________________________

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Most Christians agree that Bible study and prayer are of utmost importance. But merely agreeing is not enough. Be intentional in setting time aside to read, study, and dedicate ourselves to follow God’s plan through His Word. Discipline and persistence are required! Daily Quiet Time   Throughout the 12 weeks of this course, we will commit ourselves to be faithful to God and accountable to one another in having a daily devotional time. In order to carry this out you will need to: 1. Set aside a specific time for daily Bible study and prayer. What time each day fits best into your schedule? It might even be early in the morning before your little ones awake!   _________________________________________________________________________

2. Secure a notebook to use in your interaction with the Lord (such as an 8 1/2” by 5 1/2” loose-leaf). 3. Choose a version of the Bible with which you feel comfortable. What did you choose? ______________________________

Beginning a Spiritual Journal Keeping a spiritual journal simply means putting down thoughts that come to you as you read your Bible. Try this for 12 weeks and discover how the discipline of writing down what God says to you personally from His Word enables you to remember it better so that you can act upon it. With notebook in hand, commit this new beginning in your devotional life to God.

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Now read today’s Bible portion. During the 12 weeks of this course you will be given suggested Scripture readings (see p. 8). These selected passages will help prepare you for the topics to be studied each week. In the future, if you have no other plan, you may want to begin with Matthew and gradually read through the New Testament, or begin with Genesis and start upon a pilgrimage through the entire Bible. A new Christian might choose to start with the Gospel of John. How many chapters should you read? A practical suggestion is read until your heart is stirred and you sense that God is speaking to you. This may happen within just a few verses or you might need to read several chapters. Some have also used audio Bible while driving, walking, or while doing light chores.Here are four helpful questions to ask yourself as you meditate on a specific passage: 1. What lesson did God want people in Bible times to learn through this event? 2. What does this passage teach me about God and the way He works? _________________________________________________________________________

3. How can I apply this portion to my life today? _________________________________________________________________________

4. What command must I obey or what promise should I claim?_________________________________________________________________________

Memorize these questions so they become a subconscious guide as you use them during your devotional time today, and in the days ahead. In your notebook write the date and the Scripture reference you’ve read. After meditating on the passage, put down your response to it. You may simply write the promise that you want to

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remember, or the command you plan to obey. Or you may be prompted to write a letter to God telling Him your praises, longings, or frustrations. Some days you may not write anything down. Don’t be concerned. The danger sign is when the dates become very irregular. There is one other important point to keep in mind as you study your Bible. You read, meditate, learn, make notes, and pray. But don’t end there! It will help if you share what you have learned with someone else. You may share it with your spouse, your children, a friend, or a neighbor. Sometimes it may just be a secret between you and God. Memorizing Key Verses You will be able to share an exciting truth more easily if you memorize a meaningful verse each week. Choose a verse that has been particularly helpful to you and, write it on a small card. Carry this card around with you or prop it up in a conspicuous spot until you have committed the verse to memory. It is helpful to write the reference on the back of the card. As the weeks go by, your stack of cards will grow. Review all the verses each day. After you’ve reviewed a verse daily for many weeks it’s likely to be yours forever! Throughout the duration of this course we hope you will memorize all the verses printed at the end of each lesson. A good plan is to write it on a card so that you can review it during the day. We will quiz each other on these verses week by week. Setting Up a Prayer List Next, it’s time to set up your prayer list. I’ve found that I could spend all day on my knees and still not finish interceding for all the worthy causes that touch my life. In this area of life, too, you must have priorities. Set aside eight or nine pages at the beginning or the very end of your notebook.  We

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suggest using the ACTS formula to begin your prayer time: Adoration: Declaring and expressing who God is, as revealed in your reading of the Bible. Confession:  Enter boldly before the throne of His grace to ask for forgiveness and confess anything that would hinder your prayer. Thanksgiving:  Remember to give thanks for all that God has done for you in recent days. Supplication:  Present your requests to God.Though ACTS is a good memory tool you may want to enter an I- after the Adoration. The “I” would stand for your interaction with God about what you’ve just read, especially the verse or verses that touched you most! Then go on with Confession and the others. No need for correct spelling!How often we casually promise, “I’ll pray for you.” But good intentions are not enough! There are many things you’ll want to pray for, but not every day. After beginning your prayer time with ACTS each day, you may want to label pages 1 to 5 with such topics as:

My own family members and close friends My church, my pastors and their families Missionaries I’m committed to pray for Government and the leaders of my nation My personal needs and prayer burdens for

others You might have a separate page for temporary emergency prayer requests. There are various ways you can do this, but the most important thing is to get started. You can always change your system if you are not satisfied. Decide which method you prefer and prepare your prayer list now. You will often add to your list and revise. (That is why a loose-leaf

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notebook is desirable.) Be sure to bring your prayer list along next week so that you can share what you’ve done. You will get ideas from one another. You may want to write the date when you start praying about a certain matter. Then leave a space so you can fill in the date when and how God answers that prayer. This will encourage your intercessory praying. A new movie titled, “War Room,” is about the importance of prayer. This movie might also serve to encourage your prayer time with the Lord.Building Your Home on God Make this day a new beginning in your lifelong friendship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Determine to meet Him daily through studying His Word and through heart-to-heart prayer. Begin keeping a spiritual journal to help you be alert as you interact with the living God. A word of warning is appropriate here. Don’t expect things to go smoothly! When you enter into a covenant such as this with God, there are two strikes against you. First, your old habits and any lack of discipline you have experienced in the past will come back again. Secondly, you have an enemy who will try in every way to deter you from this step forward. But take heart! “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world,” (I John 4:4). God will enable you to overcome the enemy. If you fail one day remember that the next day holds a new beginning. FOR MEMORY: “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.” (Psalm 127:1)

Lesson 2

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TWO BECOMING ONE

Kurt and Annette, like many modern couples, chose to write their own wedding vows. They promised to support one another, to build up one another, but Annette carefully avoided promising “to obey”—a phrase found in many traditional wedding vows. Should a husband expect obedience from his wife? What is the biblical ideal for the marriage relationship?Equality of the SexesThe Bible clearly teaches that men and women are equal in three distinct ways: as human beings standing before their Creator (see Genesis 1:26-27); as sinful beings in need of Christ (see Romans 3:23); and as redeemed beings who have become “one in Christ Jesus” (see Galatians 3:28).Joint ResponsibilitiesIn addition to giving husbands and wives equal status, God has also given them three joint responsibilities:TO BE UNITED IN TOTAL COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHERMarriage is not 50/50 totaling 100%. Each couple is to give all of themselves in marriage!Calling a parent to help is not advisable. Parents intervening in the affairs of their married children can be a major cause of disruption of family life. What does Genesis 2:24 have to say about this?_________________________________________________________________________

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A couple must leave their parents emotionally and financially, as well as physically. Dan and Margie were the envy of other young married couples

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because they seemed to have everything. Yet they were on the verge of breaking up. Their home was beautifully furnished, thanks to Dan’s parents. But Margie felt resentful when his parents suggested rearranging the furniture. “Young folks just don’t know how to be appreciative anymore!” Dan’s mother said in disgust. Dan’s job transfer came just in time to save that marriage!Independence from parents comes easily for some, yet when newness of being newlyweds wears off, it may be tempting to look to a new relationship for a fresh thrill. There is a higher motivation that can bring us through difficulties and result in strengthening our marriage, rather than endangering it. Meditate on Ephesians 5:21 and Colossians 3:17- 19 and write down why you should consider nothing less than total commitment to your spouse, even during difficult times._________________________________________________________________________

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TO HELP EACH OTHER FEEL COMPLETE A man and a woman come to marriage not to assert themselves or their rights, but to be the perfect complement for one another. The dictionary definition of “complement” is: “something that completes or brings to perfection.” How does this apply to your marriage?_________________________________________________________________________

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When a man and a woman choose to become one through marriage, they find fulfillment in helping each other reach their full potential. According to Genesis 2:18, why was woman created?_________________________________________________________________________

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While this verse may seem contradictory to equality, women are made differently than men. Not one is greater than the other, rather, roles have been given to each one. In I Peter 3:7, husbands are commanded to:_________________________________________________________________________

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Betty and Mark optimistically entered marriage determined to meet each other 50-50. Divorce was narrowly prevented, when they discovered that it takes 100% from each partner to make a happy marriage. In what area could you apply this concept in your marriage to help your spouse become more complete?_________________________________________________________________________

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Commit to purposely serve your spouse. Do not calculate how much your spouse is contributing to your marriage when it is less than 100%. Give completely, without reservation to God first of all, then to your spouse, instead of expecting your spouse to be the first to give completely. Read Hebrews 13:21.TO HOLD A PLACE OF AUTHORITY IN THE WORLD. What is our responsibility to the natural world according to Genesis 1:28?_________________________________________________________________________

God has given us the ability to bring nature under control in order to improve our quality of life. Christians thus have reason to be motivated to protect their environment. After all, it is our Father’s world! We have the privilege of being involved in the stewardship of His creation. In addition to authority over the natural world, God has also given us the responsibility of being a godly

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influence in our own homes. Sometimes this is very difficult, for our families see us as we really are!Divine OrderWe’ve seen that men and women are equal in their position before God and have been given joint responsibilities. However, husbands and wives do not need to have the same roles to be equal. When it comes to roles, God has mapped out a divine order within the family. Discover it for yourself in the following verses:In I Corinthians 11:3 we see that ______________ is head of every______________ and man is the head of ______________________________

Genesis 2:18 confirms that woman was created to be ________________________

Colossians 3:20 places children:_________________________________________________________________________

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Submission and Love—Two Words That Go TogetherRead Ephesians 5:21-33 and jot down your insights regarding marital roles and relationships:_________________________________________________________________________

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Ephesians 5:21-33 gives principles for husband and wife that will transform the home from a potential battlefield to a place of harmony. In verse 21 believers are instructed to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Let’s look at this in greater detail.Wives and Husbands

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The wife is addressed in 5:22-24. Here we have the reiteration of the general command of verse 21, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Later, the command to the husband will be: “love.”)To some, the term “submit” is quite distasteful. They argue that the modern man and woman must be liberated from such an outdated concept. But does submission mean that the wife is inferior to her husband? _____________________________.

How is Jesus’ relationship to His Father expressed in John 15:10?_________________________________________________________________________

Yet, the Father and the Son are one (John 10:30). Jesus’ subordination carries with it no hint of inferiority. The same is true of our submission to Christ and the wife’s submission to her husband. In businesses and government, someone must have the final responsibility. God has designated that role for the husband. It is perhaps the most difficult role because of its call to “give up one’s life” for another’s benefit. Sandy struggled at the women’s retreat, where once again the virtue of being a submissive wife was praised highly. By the time she was home with Rick, she felt resentful and angry. Yet she was dissatisfied with the way their marriage was going. As an experiment, she decided to try to be submissive. She began to listen more attentively to her husband and give “okay” a larger place in her vocabulary. His preferences became more important to her. How do you think Sandy’s approach will affect her future attitudes and her marriage?_________________________________________________________________________

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Suppose you were a marriage counselor. What recommendations would you make in such a situation?_________________________________________________________________________

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Just as happy Christians submit to the Lord voluntarily and wholeheartedly, Paul says, in Ephesians 5: 22, the wife is to submit to her husband. She looks to him as head within the family, not because she is afraid or inferior, but in obedience to the Lord. When a wife is truly submissive, and a husband is truly self-giving in love, the husband often have a deeper sense of his responsibility to lead the family in God’s way.Jot down at least one area in which you will try to follow the “submitting principle” in the coming weeks:_________________________________________________________________________

Notice that God’s command to wives in Ephesians 5 is intertwined with His command to husbands. According to Ephesians 5:25-33, what is the husband to do?_________________________________________________________________________

If you are a husband, list several practical ways you could express this kind of love to your wife. If this kind of love is new to you, use this space to jot down your plans for expressing your love. If you are a wife, list practical areas where you most appreciate your husband’s expression of love:_________________________________________________________________________

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Submission and Interaction Go Together

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Submission does not mean that wives are not to interact with their husbands when decisions are made in the home. Quite the opposite! Good communication in all areas of married life is crucial. Diane listened to her husband enthusiastically as he told her of the financial investment that he was about to make. A sense of caution gripped Diane, so she asked Glen for just a few days so she could check into that company. With the facts that were uncovered, Glen was glad to change his mind, and was all the more thankful for the sort of wife he had.While the husband is the head, with the ultimate responsibility for the family’s welfare, there is no substitute for interaction between husband and wife about important decisions.Christ Modeled the Love Husbands Should HaveThe fifth chapter of Ephesians compares a husband’s love for his wife to Jesus’ love for the Church. Let’s look at four characteristics of Christ’s love for the Church and see how they should apply to marriage.1. Christ’s love for the Church is special and exclusive. In John 15:9, Christ tells us that we are to remain in His love. In John 17:9 Jesus prays specifically for His own followers, simply because they were His. Then in Hebrews 9:28 we see that Christ is coming back to earth “to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.” A husband is directed to love his wife in this same special way. His devotion to his wife is exclusively for her alone.2. Look for the second characteristic of Christ’s love in John15:13 and Ephesians 5:25. He gave:_________________________________________________________________________

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In the same way a husband is to love his wife in a self-giving manner. He is to consider her welfare, rather than his own, and be willing to sacrifice for her.3. The third quality of Christ’s love is seen clearly in Romans 5:8. According to this verse, what state were we in when He chose to love us?_________________________________________________________________________

Jesus, who never sinned, knows our human weaknesses and faults, but He loved us enough to die for us. His love is unconditional. He is our role-model: the husband is to love his wife even when she disappoints him and fails to live up to his expectations. 4. Read Ephesians 5:26-27 to see the fourth characteristic of Christ’s love. State it here in your own words:_________________________________________________________________________

God’s love is purposeful. And so husbands should have the same high purpose in loving their wives. Husbands should enthusiastically encourage their wives to reach their full potential. As wives become the women God intends them to be, and husbands become the men God intends them to be, both partners will experience joy.Checklist for CouplesTogether with your spouse, think through the following questions and then respond:1. How do we go about defining leadership roles and responsibilities in our family?_________________________________________________________________________

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How well are these methods working?_________________________________________________________________________

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What adjustments might prove helpful?_________________________________________________________________________

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Two ways I’ve recently demonstrated that I truly love my wife are:_________________________________________________________________________

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Two ways I've recently demonstrated that I truly love my husband are:_________________________________________________________________________

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3. What things could my spouse do to begin helping me feel even more love?_________________________________________________________________________

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In the following spaces list three specific ways in which you as a couple can work together to carry out Ephesians 5:21-33. Begin today to improve your home by doing at least one of the things you’ve listed. Don’t be satisfied until you’ve tried them all.1. _______________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

2. _______________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________________________________

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FOR MEMORY: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. “ (Ephesians 5:33)

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Lesson 3

TWO KINDS OF FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a comprehensive language. God forgives us from all our sin, and we are to forgive one another (Colossians 3:13). Let’s look at the definition of forgive. This is not to undermine our ability to understand, but to read and hear the word forgive in another form.Forgive: 1) to grant pardon for or remission of an offense, debt absolve, etc.; 2) to give up all claim, to remit a debt, obligation, etc.; 3) to grant pardon to a person; 4) to cease to feel resentment against, to forgive one’s enemies; 5) to cancel an indebtedness or liability; to forgive the interest owed on a loan; 6) to pardon an offense or an offender.Forgiveness: Easy to Say But Hard to DoIn the normal give-and-take of family living, one is bound to hurt someone’s feelings, or be hurt by someone else. The home offers many opportunities to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a basic biblical teaching, but a difficult one to implement in everyday life.The difficulty lies in the fact that we tend to think we are always in the right. That leaves the other person in the wrong. We reason that he or she should come to us and ask for our forgiveness. Even though either of us could make the first move, human nature says, “It was his (or her) fault; let him (or her) come to me first.” Of course the other person feels the same way; a deadlock develops. Each person misinterprets the other’s intentions. Fed by self-pity, anger, or bitterness, the problem grows bigger until it becomes a seemingly

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insurmountable barrier to a meaningful relationship.Defining Forgiveness In a Personal WayWrite your own definition of “forgiveness”, including the various facets of forgiveness:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

As you wrote your definition did any of the following questions come to mind: Is forgiveness simply words that come out of my mouth? Or is forgiveness a matter of choice and action, choosing not to remember the thing done against me? Is it an attitude, choosing not to bring the offense up again? Can forgiveness be complete only if it is demonstrated by actions?Basic Principles of ForgivenessJesus laid down two basic principles of forgiveness. If we commit ourselves to follow these principles, many interpersonal tensions will be relieved, and life will become easier and happier in the home.1. To discover the first principle, look up Matthew 5:23-24. Who was evidently in the wrong in this situation?_________________________________________________________________________

What should be my response in a similar situation?_________________________________________________________________________

PRINCIPLE 1: IF YOU ARE IN THE WRONG, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO SEEK FORGIVENESS. Why do you think Jesus used the illustration about offering a gift on the altar? _________________________________________________________________________

2. Now read Matthew 18:21-35 carefully and look for a second principle stated by Jesus. Who was at fault here (verse 21)?

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_________________________________________________________________________

What is the main truth taught in this parable?_________________________________________________________________________

PRINCIPLE 2: IF SOMEONE ELSE IS IN THE WRONG, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO SEEK RECONCILIATION. How did Jesus emphasize the importance of forgiving? (Matthew 18:35)_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Compare your answers with those on the chart below.Verses: Situation/What

HappenedWhat do I do?

Matthew 5:23-24

Someone is angry with me.I did something wrong.

I apologize and am reconciled

Matthew 18:21-35

Someone sins against me.He did something wrong.

I go in order to seek reconciliation.

There are two kinds of forgiveness that lead to oneness.Each person who walks in obedience to God’s Word has a personal obligation to go to the other person and seek reconciliation. This is called unilateral forgiveness: one person forgives regardless of what the other does. I need to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation even if the other person does not seek forgiveness or forgive me. Jesus perfectly exemplified this kind of forgiveness. While hanging on the cross He cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). Nobody came up to the foot of His cross to ask for

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forgiveness during those terrifying moments. But He willingly and voluntarily forgave them anyway. He provided a way for full reconciliation.Forgiveness is Essential for Effective PrayingMark 11:24 is one of the most startling promises concerning prayer in the Bible. However, in verses 25 and 26 the Lord Jesus lays down an essential condition for answered prayer. What is it?_________________________________________________________________________

God refuses to forgive the sins of anyone who will not forgive another person’s sins. Matthew 6:14-15 states this also. This means that a person cannot possibly pray effectively if he or she nurses an unforgiving spirit toward someone else. Satan and his forces are well aware of this truth. He is pleased when one member harbors an unforgiving spirit against another. At such times, he has won a great victory.The End Result of Refusing to ForgiveTom was captured on Wake Island during World War II. The harsh treatment he received at the hands of the enemy left him partially paralyzed. Years later he continued to relive those terrible experiences daily. With great emotion, he’d tell of the horrible tortures he’d endured. He hated the Japanese—and it showed. Though he now had a lovely wife, a beautiful home, and a good job, he was held captive by bitterness.Read Hebrews 12:15, then state in your own words what happens when “a root of bitterness” is permitted to grow in one’s life._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Hebrews 12:14 instructs believers to “Strive for peace with everyone.” The bitterness of an

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unforgiving spirit may be temporarily concealed, but like a festering splinter, it will infect and contaminate other lives.Words That Work Wonders in a HomeCliff Barrows, the well-known singer who was with the Billy Graham team, shared his secret of a happy home. “I find marriages are held together by 12 words. These are: “I am wrong; I am sorry; Please forgive me; and I love you.” As a child, I was fascinated by the echo produced when I shouted toward the neighbor’s house nearly a block away. Now as an adult, I’ve learned about another law of echoes: I usually receive back exactly what l give. If I want to have a loving spouse who is understanding, forgiving, and gracious, I must begin with myself. My spouse and my children tend to echo back what they hear from me.Take time to listen to yourself. Note your tone of voice and volume level, as well as the words you use and the expression on your face. Do all these elements speak the same message, or is what you are saying contradicted by the way you are saying it?Forgiveness UnlimitedMatthew 18:21-22 sets down guidelines as to how often you are to forgive someone who repeatedly sins against you. What do you understand Jesus to mean by the answer He gave?_________________________________________________________________________

According to Ephesians 4:32, why are Christians to forgive those who may have wronged them?_________________________________________________________________________

A pastor once said, “Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world which, despite their best intentions, are people that are unfair to

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each other and can hurt each other deeply. He began by forgiving us.” We need this view of the world so that we are not terribly disappointed when people fail us. We will be less likely to become bitter.How to Forgive God can exchange the root of bitterness for the fruit of forgiveness in your life.1. Ask God to remind you of anyone whom you have not forgiven. Who is it?_________________________________________________________________________

2. Pause and confess your sin of not forgiving that person. Accept God’s forgiveness.3. If you are tempted to fall back into the old pattern of not forgiving, send up an immediate prayer asking God to strengthen you in your new response because he has set you free.4. If someone has come to mind that you know is holding a grudge against you, write down that name._________________________________________________________________________

5. Prayerfully plan to go to that person. Write down ideas of how to approach that person and be sure to follow through._________________________________________________________________________

6. Are you still feeling bitter about any wrong committed against you, now years ago? What is it?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Are you ready to forgive the people involved in that incident? You may even feel the need to forgive God. You may not understand why He allowed your hopes to be dashed, or why He took away the thing that was dearest to you. You may feel that you’ve

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walked in obedience to Him, yet He has let you down. But seeking to forgive our Creator is a humbling experience. We begin to realize the problem is within us. When we come to that realization, God is gracious and more than willing to help us forgive ourselves for harboring bitterness.7. Ask God to fill you with love for those whom you have forgiven—even those who caused you much pain. Now ask God to bless that person.8. Ask your spouse or a close friend if he or she senses bitterness still in your life. If the answer is yes, choose to deal with it today. How? Make that decision still again: choose to forgive.9. God may give you practice in forgiving, or asking forgiveness, as you go about your work today. Be quick to respond.FOR MEMORY: “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the LORD has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13)

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Lesson 4

STRENGTHIN COMMUNICATION

Working as a waitress in a popular tourist spot gave Cindy fresh insight into what it was like to be married. How exciting it was to watch the newlyweds! They were so engrossed in one another that they nearly forgot the food on their plates. But Cindy’s romantic thoughts were jolted when she observed the boredom of other couples that had been coming there year after year. “I can almost guess how long they’ve been married just by overhearing their conversation for a few minutes. The longer they’ve been married, the less they seem to have to talk about!”Communication is the basic ingredient that keeps relationships growing. If it is indeed so important, how can you improve communication in your home?How Well Do You Talk? CIRCUMSTANCE 1: Pretend it’s Friday night and everyone in the family feels the need of relaxing and forgetting the tensions of the week. You feel just as tired as anyone else, yet you find yourself stuck with a table full of dirty dishes._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

CIRCUMSTANCE 2: It’s Monday evening and the TV program you’ve looked forward to all week is on. A family member wants your help in locating something that has been misplaced and keeps interrupting your effort to watch one of your favorite programs. How do you react? What words will come out, and will they help the situation?

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_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

CIRCUMSTANCE 3: Something wonderful happened to you today. You’re telling about it at the dinner table, but suddenly you realize that no one is really listening. How do you react? What do you say?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

CIRCUMSTANCE 4: You’ve been arguing with someone in your family because you’re sure that person is mistaken. Suddenly you realize that you were in the wrong after all; but if you admit it, you feel that you would never hear the end of it. How do you handle this?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Do you have problems communicating your true feelings? Are you often left feeling frustrated and resentful? If so, this is something that must be brought into the open and faced together, as a couple, or as a family. Together think through the following practical communication guidelines:Ten Guidelines for Good Communication1. Accept each other as you really are. The wedding vows are exchanged with joy and anticipation, with promises to love one another no matter what the future holds. But day-by-day interaction often brings to the surface facets of your loved one’s personality that may be difficult to accept. When we open ourselves to another person, we become exceedingly vulnerable. Acceptance of your spouse with all of his or her weaknesses and imperfections is the beginning of good communication. Express in your own words the instructions given in Ephesians 4:1-3:

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_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

2. Learn to be a good listener. Concentrate on what the other person is saying, rather than thinking about what you’ll say in reply. A helpful exercise is to try repeating what the other person has been saying, expressing the feelings you think that person is experiencing. See how accurate you are without any promptings.What does Proverbs 18:13 say about a person who is not a good listener?_________________________________________________________________________

3. Be truthful at all times. Determine before God that you will not shade the truth so as to place yourself in a better light. Resist the temptation to exaggerate in order to get your point across or to show that your side is right.According to Ephesians 4:15 How should the truth be spoken?_________________________________________________________________________

A helpful self-test before speaking suggests that you ask yourself three questions: (1) Is it true? (2) Is it kind? (3) Is it necessary? .4. Agree to center on the problem you face rather than attacking one another. Many misunderstandings in the home arise from the not uncommon practice of making snide remarks about one another rather than facing a problem together. If you are on the verge of losing control, avoid it by asking for a definite time when you will talk about the problem. Open communication does not mean opening your mouth whenever you feel like it. Wait until you are in full control of your tongue and have thought the matter through. When both of you can

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give full attention to each other, then address the problem.Even though you may agree to talk about the matter at a convenient time later, there is still a scriptural guideline by which you should abide.What must you do to carry out the admonition in Ephesians 4:26?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Deal with anger quickly, as soon as you’ve gained control over yourself. Don’t go to bed angry!5. Avoid nagging. According to Proverbs 29:19 what is often the result of asking that something be done again and again?_________________________________________________________________________

How can you avoid nagging and still get things done?

As a couple, or family, carefully define what is each person’s responsibility.

When asking someone to do something, be sure to establish eye contact. Wait until you receive a clear response.

Substitute written reminders instead of verbal ones.

Permit yourself to remind a person of a forgotten duty only two times in a week’s span. And when you remind him/her again, think through exactly what you will say.

6. Avoid the use of inflammatory words. How do you respond to the words “lazy,” “stupid,” “liar,” “fat”? Do these words encourage cooperation?According to I Thessalonians 5:11, what effect are your words to have on the one to whom you’re speaking?_________________________________________________________________________

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7. Avoid the use of silent-treatment in your response to the other person. Explain why you are hesitant to speak, and arrange a time when you will talk about the matter. If someone responds to you with silence, say, “I want to listen to you. Just let me know when you’re ready to talk about it.”8. When you are in the wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness. What does Proverbs 28:13 promise to the one who confesses his wrongs?_________________________________________________________________________

9. Accept correction without defending yourself. What word of encouragement do you find in Proverbs 13:18 for the one who profits from correction rather than rationalizing around it?_________________________________________________________________________

10. Agree not to discuss unpleasant matters at meal times. In our busyness, sometimes the only opportunity we have for talking is during the evening meal. Encourage family members to share the best experience of the day while everyone else listens. Keep the conversation on a positive note. What do you see in Philippians 2:1-4 that could be of help to you and your family as you interact at mealtimes?_________________________________________________________________________

Making the Communication Guidelines WorkHow well do you know your spouse? Describe his/her childhood._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Describe his/her relationship with parents while growing up._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

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What sort of punishment was used in his/her home?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

How would you describe the relationship of his/her parents to one another during earlier years?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

What place did the church have in his/her life during childhood and teenage years?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Describe an outstanding positive experience in his/her childhood?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

What would he/she describe as a really dark day in his/her childhood?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Having a clear understanding of your mate’s background will help you accept him/her as a unique person. Make plans now to go over your answers to the survey with your spouse. Use it as a basis for deeper sharing and communication about who you both really are.FOR MEMORY: “Let the peace of Christ rule in you hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another.” (Colossians 3:15-16)

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Lesson 5

RHYTHM AND TIME

When we hear the word rhythm, we can easily connect it with music, dance, literature, film, and speech. We overlook that our daily activities in life also create rhythm as we work in an allowable time frame. There are high demands, routine demands, unplanned demands, low demands, and no demands in every given day. There are things required regularly in life that need to be on time, or in a timely manner. There are low demands or no demands that are very useful to regain energy and strength. The mental and emotional aspect is important when moving and working along with time. Best of all, when we abide and remain in Christ, who is the beginning and the end, we will bear fruitful, abundant growth in life. “Where have the hours gone?” asked Matt with an exasperated sigh. The deadline had come, the boss was breathing down his neck, but his work was not completed. Of course Matt knew that time does not go anywhere! But how much we accomplish in the time allotted to us varies greatly. Matt might have asked himself, “What keeps me from using my time more efficiently”?Time in the BibleTime is distributed absolutely equally daily. In what way did Jesus express His sense of urgency concerning the wise use of time? See John 9:4._________________________________________________________________________

What did Jesus say in John 17:4 concerning the use of His time while on earth?

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_________________________________________________________________________

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In Colossians 4:12, Epaphras prayed earnestly for the Colossian believers that they would “stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God.” Look up this verse and express his prayer in a way that’s personal and meaningful to you, asking God to enable you to accomplish His full plan for you each day._________________________________________________________________________

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A Biblical Example of How to Get Things DoneDo you ever feel overwhelmed by how much you have to do? Moses probably would have identified with you. Think how he might have felt as God told him to take a census of the entire nation in order to list all the men eligible for military service! Let’s look for three principles that he relied on to get the job done.1. How long did it take Moses to get started with his overwhelming assignment? Compare Numbers 1:1-3 with 1:17-18._________________________________________________________________________

Moses exemplified Principle #1, which is—To BEGIN RIGHT AWAY.Have you ever put off an important task, perhaps frittering away time on meaningless activities, just because the task before you seemed too difficult? Here’s sound advice: If a difficult or distasteful task must be accomplished, put it first on your list. Once it’s done you can sail through the rest of the day.Restate Ecclesiastes 9:10 in your own words to strengthen your resolve to implement Principle 1:_________________________________________________________________________

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_________________________________________________________________________

How did God direct Moses in implementing His command?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Jethro’s advice to his son-in-law illustrates: Principle #2—TRUST GOD FOR THE HELP YOU NEED.As you are feeling the pressure of your responsibilities, take time to ask yourself if there is someone who could be doing the job instead of you, or else helping you with it.3. Expect hindrances before any worthwhile task is completed. God had given the Israelites, under Moses’ leadership, the objective of conquering the land. Taking the census of fighting men was one step toward getting this job done. A further step, described in Numbers 13, was sending spies in to size up the situation. According to Numbers 13:25-29, what obstacle arose that threatened the completion of the task_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Read Numbers 13:30-14:9 and note the attitude expressed by two of the spies:_________________________________________________________________________

Those two had learned the secret of _____________________________

Principle #3—FOCUS ON THE OBJECTIVE, NOT ON THE OBSTACLES.Numbers 14:6-9 makes it clear that only Joshua and Caleb kept their eyes on the objective. According to Numbers 14:28-30, which of the twelve spies were enabled to reach their objective?

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_________________________________________________________________________

This is a solemn challenge for us to determine what our objectives or goals in life are and then to press on until they are realized.Determining Your GoalsWhy are you carrying out your present role in life? Is it because it’s meaningful to you, or do you feel you have been forced into it by circumstances? What motivates you to keep going? The apostle Paul was a high achiever. He, like Jesus, was able to say near the close of his life, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (II Timothy 4:7). Read the over-riding goal Paul had for his life in Philippians 3:7-11 and reduce it to a sentence or two:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Take time now to think of your personal goals in life. Prayerfully think through what you believe God wants you to accomplish before your life is over. Proverbs 16:9 teaches: “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Wait before God in prayer and then complete the following statements:1. Above all else in life, I would like to:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

2. In the next several years, I would like to:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

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3. Before this year ends, I want to:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

4. By the end of this week, I hope to:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

5. If I were told I had only six months to live, I would:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

6. If I could serve in whatever way I want within my church, I would:_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Look over the statements you’ve made and see how well they fit with the things you’re actually doing day by day. With God’s help, make sure that what you are spending your time on daily is contributing toward your long-range goals.Philippians 2:13 is an excellent verse to claim each morning as you begin the day with prayer. Take time to meditate on its truth and then write out your own prayer to the Lord. Express your desire to have Him work “in you both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

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In order to pray a prayer such as the one you’ve just written, it is necessary to surrender your life without reservation to the Lord. Don't be afraid to yield every part of yourself to God. He knows your makeup and deepest needs and will lead you into true fulfillment.How to Determine Your Daily PrioritiesTake a look at your calendar or the date book where you jot down your activities. How many of them are written there because they help you carry out your goals in life? How many of them are there because you didn't want to say “no”?For several days, list all the activities that make up your day. Then analyze where your time is going. In Psalm 90:12, Moses prayed, “So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom.”Think through the goals that you are determined to accomplish in the coming months. Then decide what activities will have to move to a lower priority. For example, you may sense that this is the time you should update your training by going back to school for several courses. That may mean you must shift some of your home projects to your sons or daughters even though they may not do them the way you would.Take a few minutes at the beginning of each day to plan your schedule. At the end of each day, evaluate how you got along. Then begin plans for the next day. Practice using this plan for the rest of this week, or even for the rest of your life. See what a difference this sort of planning can make in giving you a sense of direction in your daily life.Choosing the Important Over the InsistentThere are things that cry insistently for our attention. Work at the office is never done. The same can be said of work around the house. But is having a clean desk or a showcase home truly

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important? Consider the important matters listed below:TAKE TIME TO DEVELOP A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. Developing any relationship takes time. Time spent in communion with God through Bible study and prayer is not wasted time. As you wait upon your Heavenly Father, He instructs you in what you should do and gives you the strength to do it.TAKE TIME TO LOVE THOSE AROUND YOU. If parents are too busy for the small, exceedingly important world of their young children, the children may someday become too busy for their parents. Loving takes time. It means listening to their stories and entering into their fun. One of the best gifts of love you can give your children is the knowledge that their parents deeply love each other.TAKE TIME TO MEET YOUR OWN PERSONAL NEEDS. It is not selfish to schedule time for yourself. This time is greatly needed as a relief valve from the daily pressures you face. Schedule blocks of time when you can do something that you really enjoy. Make this time as definite as any other appointment.TAKE TIME TO DO PERSONAL PLANNING. The busier you are, the more you need to set aside at least an hour a week to prayerfully evaluate how things have been going and to make plans for the days ahead. You may feel you are too busy to do this, but gaining fresh perspective will help you stay on track.Robert Moffatt, an effective missionary once noted, “We shall have all eternity in which to celebrate our victories, but we have only one short hour before the sunset in which to win them.”FOR MEMORY: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:15-17)

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Lesson 6

DIRECT YOUR MONEY

“It’s not that I don't get enough pay,” complained Phil. “Its just that we always run out of money before we run out of month!” It has been estimated that of all the divorces in America, 50 percent have money mismanagement as a primary cause. It would almost seem that the marriage vow has changed to read: “Until debt do us part”!What Does God’s Word Say About Finances?God has much to say about finances. One verse out of every 25 in the New Testament deals with our possessions and how we are to use them. Three principles are set forth in God’s Word:PRINCIPLE 1: GOD IS THE TRUE OWNER OF ALL THAT WE POSSESS. Read 1 Chronicles 29:11-13 carefully.What attitude does I Chronicles 29:14 express toward possessions?_________________________________________________________________________

How would you answer the second question asked in I Corinthians 4:7?_________________________________________________________________________

How different that attitude is from that which we can experience when giving our tithe, an offering, or making a pledge to the Lord’s work. After all, everything comes from God, and generosity comes from his hand of provision. We are not doing God a favor when we give to the church!Rephrase Psalm 24:1 in your own words, as a prayer to the Lord._________________________________________________________________________

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_________________________________________________________________________

PRINCIPLE 2: YOUR POSSESSIONS ARE A TRUST FROM GOD AND SHOULD BE CAREFULLY MANAGED, NOT JUST USED. People who find it impossible to make ends meet often continue to find it difficult even when their income is substantially increased. Reality check: Many people tend to spend more than what they make, no matter how much that is!Read and reflect on Matthew 25:14-27. What important truth do you find concerning money management?_________________________________________________________________________

What important perspective about money does Paul give in I Timothy 6:6-8?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

What basic problem about money does Paul address in I Timothy 6:9-10?_________________________________________________________________________

PRINCIPLE 3: GOD PROMISES TO MEET THE NEEDS OF THOSE WHO GIVE FAITHFULLY TO HIM. He even provides enough so that they can give more abundantly. Look up 11 Corinthians 9:6-11. Express in your own words at least three reassuring statements God makes to those who give cheerfully._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Malachi 3:6-12 is the only place in the Bible where we are challenged to test or prove God’s faithfulness. What are we instructed to do?_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

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Let us trust God who gave us all things, and who entrusts us to manage our money and possessions wisely.Money given to God is money well invested. Read Matthew 6:19-21,24. Express in your own words what Jesus challenges His followers to do._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

According to I Corinthians 16:2, at what point should God’s portion of your budget be set aside? Proverbs 3:9 states this truth in another way._________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

Practical Guidelines for Managing Your MoneyIt is extremely important that you know how your money is being spent before you can begin to manage your funds intelligently. For at least one month keep a detailed record of all expenditures. Write the following format on an adequate sheet of paper so that the figures are in a column for totaling. After keeping an accurate financial record for a month, evaluate your spending. How much is spent for needs, and how much is spent for wants?MONTHLY INCOME: _________________SalarySales/ProfitInterestFIXED EXPENSES (10% OR MORE): __________Tithe, offering, pledges, missions, and love giftsHousing (25-38%): __________Mortgage or rentInsurance

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Electricity and waterGarbage servicesCable/Internet/PhoneLandscapeMaintenanceFOOD & DINNING OUT (10-15%): __________TRANSPORTATION (10-15%): __________Car paymentInsuranceGas & Oil Maintenance/Repairs/Parts ReplacementINSURANCE (3-7%): __________Medical, Life, and otherDEBTS (0-10%): __________Credit cards, school loans, personal loans, & otherENTERTAINMENT/RECREATION (4-7 %): __________

Membership(s), parties, gifts, babysitters, vacations, pets, and other

CLOTHING, HYGIENE, COSMETICS (4-6 %): __________SAVINGS (5-10 %): __________MEDICAL/DENTAL (4-8 %): __________SCHOOL/CHILD CARE (5-10 %): __________MISCELLANEOUS (4-8 %): __________INVESTMENTS (0-5 %): __________

Total Living Expenses: __________Total Income _________ Total Living Expenses_________Surplus or Deficit (monthly): __________

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(Read some helpful books: Your Money Counts by Howard Dayton and How To Manage Your Money by Larry Burkett)Making a Budget, and Making a Budget Work!Now it is time to form your own budget.1. Gather the materials you need.

a. A loose-leaf notebook and pencilb. Excel Microsoft Office or any current app.

2. Decide who will assume responsibility for keeping the records and paying the bills.3. Pray together earnestly for God’s guidance before setting up your budget. Meet regularly (monthly or quarterly) to make sure your family is on track with the budget.4. Decide what proportion you will give to the Lord. Many Christians choose to give ten percent, based on the tithe principle in the Bible. One pastor suggests giving the 10% that is God’s back to Him, and then the love offering as He guides you. Some give their tithe to the church and additional amounts as love offerings to various other Christian works/ministries. God could easily finance all His work by Himself, but He has chosen not to. He knows that giving develops the giver.Read II Corinthians 8:1-5. What key phrase do you see in verse five that explains how the poverty-stricken Macedonians could give so generously?_________________________________________________________________________

5. Determine exactly how much money you have to work with monthly. Decide if its necessary for both parents to work full-time or one parent work part-time to payoff major bills.6. Make a written plan of how you will distribute the remainder of your income. The most important thing

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is that both husband and wife must agree to stay within the budget even when it calls for sacrifice.7. Be sure to bank a set amount each month for emergencies. Gradually build up savings equal to at least three months’ income.Safeguarding Your BudgetA budget can be worked out beautifully on paper and yet leave a family struggling. The following words of caution will be of value:

• Do not permit yourself to buy impulsively. Begin a list now of things you really need but cannot afford, and start saving for them. If you see a good sale, make sure the item is on your list and is affordable. No matter how good the sale may be, it is not a savings if you buy something you don't really need.

• Do not allow anyone to talk you into making an immediate decision concerning something that you were not planning to buy. Salespeople who come into your home specialize in pressure tactics. Refuse to make any decisions under pressure.

• Ask good questions that will lead you to financial freedom rather than enslavement: When the budget is strained, ask yourself: Can I get along without this? Can I use less of it? Can I substitute a less expensive brand? Can I wait until I have more money?

• Use credit cards with caution and discipline, paying them in full at the end of each month.

What does the Bible say happens to a person who goes into debt? Look up Proverbs 22:7._________________________________________________________________________

Getting Out of Debt

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You may have added up all your monthly expenses and found that they exceed your monthly income. As long as you have unpaid bills, you really have no money to call your own. Unforeseeable circumstances can cause any family to get into debt. The important thing is not to remain in debt.

List all unpaid bills and the amount due. Set aside at least 5 percent of your income to

pay these debts. Pay the smaller debts off as soon as possible, then pay the next smaller one.

Contact each creditor, explain your situation and arrange a payment schedule that you can afford.

If the debts were caused by misuse of credit cards, destroy the cards and agree not to accept any others. Budgeting and keeping accurate records takes extra effort. But the energy expended is well rewarded by the relief of finally getting beyond the overspending nightmare!

(Read Debt-Free Living by Larry Burkett if further help is needed, or seek a financial advisor)Helping Your Children Manage MoneyYour children will learn more from your attitude concerning money than from all the lessons you can teach them. But there are some helpful things you can do.1. By the time your child realizes that money is used to purchase things, allow him or her to have a small portion weekly, of the family money (Suggestion: Give allowance based on their age. If Joey is 7 yrs. old, give $7/week). By that time or even earlier, your child should be dong a small portion of the family chores in return.2. Allow him to manage his own money, giving the first portion to the Lord. A small child will usually

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have no problem with the concept of tithing. It’s so much more meaningful if he uses his own money for this, rather than giving him money for the offering.3. Allow him or her to save or spend the rest of the money as he chooses. He will learn much through being allowed to experience the natural consequences of his decisions. If he buys candy, devours it, and then has a long week to wait before his funds are replenished, he will learn more than you could ever teach with words. If he buys a cheap toy that breaks almost immediately, he will learn the value of saving for a better quality toy. You may give advice, but do not rescue him after he has made a poor choice. He will then learn incredibly quickly.4. When your child wants to earn extra money, teach him/her to anticipate the day when he/she can babysit, mow lawns, and other opportunities.5. Help your child learn to budget, first by letting him/her realize that there is also a family budget.Fun Idea: Here is a suggestion about “in-house” banking. “My ten-year old son was constantly asking if he could have this or that, always with the promise to pay me back, which of course he never did. I decided to have him open his own checking account with me as his bank. We make up checks and a check record that resembled real ones. His allowance is deposited directly into his account. He can make deposits when he gets extra money, and when he receives interest. He writes a check whenever he needs cash. Once a month he also gets a list of his canceled checks, along with his current balance. He knows he can’t overdraw, because if he does he’ll get an overdraft notice. This imaginative system not only helps him with math, but also makes him realize the value of a dollar. And now, I always get paid back.” —Pat Nemath

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FOR MEMORY: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (II Corinthians 9:8).

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Lesson 7

WHEN TWO BECOME THREE OR MORE

When Andy and Lynne married and moved into their new home, they felt that nothing could ever come between them …until baby Carrie was born! The couple was surprised that this one precious, pink bundle could cause so much upheaval and tension between them. Then it seemed no time at all before Lynne gave birth to Eric. With a daughter and a son, their family was now complete. At least they thought it was until Adam surprised them by arriving just a year later! In brief moments of reflection, the harried couple wondered how a model marriage such as theirs could so easily have become a pressure-cooker filled with misunderstandings.Let’s look into what really happened in Andy and Lynne’s home. As newlyweds they had only two interpersonal relationships to deal with—they had each other! But when that first little baby arrived, the relationships jumped from 2 to 6! The three of them each had to relate to two other persons.When baby number two transformed them into the “ideal American family”, with one girl and one boy, the interpersonal relationships took a giant step from 6 to 12. Each of the four had three others with whom to relate. When baby Adam surprised them, the interpersonal relationships now jumped to a staggering 20.How many relationships do you have in your home? ____________ (Multiply the total family members by one less than that number.)

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As the family grows, the communication channels multiply, but that’s not necessarily bad. If the family members learn to interact in a positive way, they are greatly enriched. It is important to establish wholesome relationships between parents and each child. As parents make the effort to relate well to each child, the children in turn will learn to appreciate one another.Parent-Child RelationshipsAs a Christian parent, having a beautiful relationship with your child is important to you, but two things must set the context for that relationship. First, guard your relationship with God. Second, maintain a strong relationship with your spouse.When a small town Sunday school teacher asked her preschoolers to tell her what God was like, she began to feel embarrassed. One thin little girl with big sad eyes described a God who was always watching to see what He could catch her doing wrong. A chubby boy with dimples exclaimed, “No, He’s not like that. He just sits around Heaven and gives people the things they pray for so they’ll stop bothering Him.” Later, the teacher confided to a friend, “I know these families well enough that it didn’t take me long to realize those kids were describing their own parents, not God. I felt as if I had been meddling.” It is indeed God’s plan that children come to know what He is like through what they see in their own parents, and in the family as a whole. Then it’s much less likely for them to get a distorted image of God.A healthy, growing relationship between parent and each child has two vital components: love and authority.Do You Really Love Your Child?

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“Of course I love my child!” What parent would not answer in the affirmative, perhaps even indignantly, if asked if they loved their child? Actually, the emotional attitude that we call “love” may fit anywhere between the two extremes illustrated below: Emotional Rejection OverprotectionX _______________________ + ________________________ XEmotional rejection is usually so well covered up that persons guilty of it refuse to admit it, even to themselves. Though it may not be apparent, if it is there, deep down, it has an injurious affect on the child. This rejection can be detected if the parent has strong feelings of love when the child does something that makes the parent proud, but this quickly turns to lack of love, when the child does something of which the parent disapproves.Other parents may try to hide emotional rejection by constantly giving things to their children rather than sharing their own lives with them.Overprotection has been called “smother love” rather than mother love, but fathers are not immune from this problem. It means that a parent dominates much of the child’s life, and does not allow him/her to think independently, or take risks. Overprotection sometimes means that the parent is hungering for love and is using the child to meet that need.You may be thinking, “I must really have a problem! If that’s what emotional rejection is, I’m guilty of that every once in a while. At other times I’m sure I overprotect my child.” We are not referring to momentary failures, but rather an ongoing attitude. Some child psychologists advise that you try your best to stay in the middle, balancing carefully between rejection and overprotection. But God’s Word teaches us a better way: Christ illustrated the

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kind of love we are to have for our children. It’s the same kind He has for us.Meditate on Romans 5:8. Then write down your insights on the type of love that will build a strong positive relationship between your child(ren) and you._________________________________________________________________________

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God demonstrates His love even when we are completely undeserving. That is the kind of love that children need. Children who are accepted just as they are—without having to try to live up to expectations that parents place on them—know that they are really loved. If you try to show love to your child in your own strength, no matter how you feel or how he or she is acting, you are sure to fail. But, as you depend on God’s Spirit to enable you, you’ll find that God’s love will flow through you. There’s a great truth concerning God’s love in Romans 5:5. State this in your own words so that you can hold onto it for yourself:_________________________________________________________________________

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Communicating LoveWhat response can you expect from a child who is loved by his or her parents with God’s kind of love? Look at Ephesians 5:1 for a thought-provoking idea. _________________________________________________________________________

Children mimic what they see and experience. As your love fills their hearts, it will become natural for them to give it back to you. Consider the following guidelines as you seek to show love to your children:WE CAN’T START TOO EARLY TO COMMUNICATE OUR LOVE. Even before a baby can respond at all, he or she understands the tone of your voice as you talk

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and sing. The baby begins to be more attached to the one who spends more time with him or her. Tiny Eric is an example of this. An overcrowded orphanage became his home soon after birth. Every four hours a bottle was propped in his crib so that he could have all the milk he wanted. But no one had time to love and cuddle him. Several months later, Eric was placed in the arms of a foster mother. At three months he weighed only four and a half pounds. His foster mother demonstrated continually that she loved him as she held him close, chatted with him, and sang to him as she went about her work. Soon, Eric began to thrive.Cuddle your little one. As your child grows, continue to communicate love through your eyes, as well as your voice and your touch. We never grow too old to be told every day that we are loved.COMMUNICATE LOVE BY HELPING YOUR CHILD BECOME AWARE OF HIS OR HER PERSONAL WORTH. You may have dreamed of bringing up a great scientist, while to your dismay you find your child has to struggle to master simple addition. But God created each one of us the way we are for a purpose. Starting in the early years, help your child see that he or she is special. Help him or her to recognize the gifts God has given—natural gifts, and later, spiritual ones. Encourage your child to develop and use these gifts to accomplish God’s plan through him/her. Personal attention and sincere praise will build up your child’s self-image as nothing else can.Make a conscious effort to develop the habit of praising your children. Thank them for the work they contribute to the family. Their hands may be small, but their hearts are big and need to be filled with recognition. In the allotted space below, list your children’s names. Beside each name, write three or more praiseworthy characteristics of each child. Try to show appreciation daily in some specific way.

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Name: Characteristics:_______________ ______________________________________________________

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COMMUNICATE LOVE BY BEING QUICK TO FORGIVE. When a child purposely does wrong, punishment should be prompt. But, when there is a change of heart, express forgiveness promptly. As God’s children, how often He forgives us! Look up Psalm 103:12 and Isaiah 38:17 and state the chief characteristic of God’s kind of forgiveness._________________________________________________________________________

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When God forgives, He purposely forgets and never brings up those sins again. We must strive to be like Him, never rehashing past wrongs.Expressing Authority Parents are not only to love their children, but also to train them. In carrying this out, they may go to either of two extremes:

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First, to give in. Children have minds of their own. It is only too easy for parents to give in to disobedient children. It takes far less time to do the tasks ourselves than to train a child to be responsible. In our busyness, it may seem to take too much effort to train a child to obey. Thus, in effect, the parent is submitting to the child.Or second, domination. If a parent dominates it can result in a child having no will of his or her own. These parents continually impose their will on the child until his or her spirit is broken. But the parents may be shocked when these seemingly model children, once they are on their own, go wild. They are out of control, for they have never learned self-control.No Home Is Big Enough for Two Bosses!God never intended for relationships with our children to be a battle of wills. Rather, God has given parents the responsibility to bring the child’s will into submission to the will of God.Read Hebrews 12:5-11 and answer the following questions:How does God show that He cares for us as His own sons?_________________________________________________________________________

What is God’s purpose in disciplining us?_________________________________________________________________________

Just as God disciplines us for our own profit, parents must exercise their authority over their children to mold their wills and help them develop self-discipline. As a parent, in what specific areas do you need to become more effective in exercising authority in your home?_________________________________________________________________________

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Using Your AuthorityHow should you use your God-given authority? Here are some guidelines:1. Be absolutely true to your word. One of the most comforting truths about our Heavenly Father can be found in 1 Thessalonians 5:24. According to this verse, how does God express His faithfulness?_________________________________________________________________________

2. When you give a command, see that you enforce it. Deliberate disobedience should not be ignored. With this in mind, here are some helpful suggestions:• Give as few commands as possible. Stress just the things that are really important. When you make up your household “rules” have this definition for a rule: “A rule is what I will enforce every time it is broken. • Concentrate on one area at a time. Don’t try to improve your child’s conduct in several areas at once.• Encourage prompt obedience by announcing what will be expected ahead of time, such as, “In a few minutes we’re going to eat, so finish up what you’re doing.”3. Both parents must have one voice. It does harm to contradict what your spouse has said even if you disagree. Your discussion about the matter should take place in private. When the other parent is not there, the rules should not change.4. Develop the child’s sense of responsibility. This begins early when you help the child put away his or her toys. As children grow older they can be given more difficult tasks. Since faithfulness in carrying

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out these duties is so important, be sure that the jobs given do not exceed the child’s capability.FOR MEMORY: “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.” (Proverbs 17:6).

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Lesson 8

SEX AFTER CHILDREN ARRIVE: OH MY!

As Sue was making the bed, she already had exciting thoughts of what an intimate time they’d have that night, as soon as the children were asleep. Jeff came home after dark, late as usual, and tired. He impatiently waited as Sue, who was always running behind, finally got supper on the table to the tune of fussing little ones. Appetite satisfied, Jeff found his way to the TV, while Sue did the dishes and went through her nightly routine with the children. When the house was finally quiet, the weary couple made their way to the bedroom. But Jeff suddenly revived as he watched his wife preparing for bed. The time that Sue looked forward to had finally arrived, but once again, she was exhausted and had a headache.Their problem is obvious. Yet we may identify with them all too well!Sex Shouldn’t Begin in the Bedroom!SMALL ACTS OF LOVE ALL DAY LONG. A love note occasionally tucked into his or her bag; a phone call from a busy husband to his wife just to say, “l love you”; playing with the children while the meal is being prepared; or helping with the dishes—these and many more acts of love will be the result of an attitude of thoughtfulness that becomes aware of unspoken needs.A THOUGHT LIFE THAT CONCENTRATES ON THE POSITIVE. Why not focus on the good, pleasing characteristics of one’s spouse rather than constantly doing a mental rehash of weaknesses? In our minds each of us has a cassette player and we are able to choose

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what cassette we will play. See Philippians 4:8 and note the sort of things God wants us to think about:_________________________________________________________________________

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Now write down some recurring thoughts you have about your spouse._________________________________________________________________________

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If your thoughts are often negative, don’t be surprised if you’re having problems in your bedroom. Deal with these negative thoughts by confessing them to God. If your spouse seems open to it, ask for a time to share your struggle with these thoughts and attitudes. Share without accusation, as an invitation to the other to be involved in your own attempt to move toward personal and spiritual growth.You may have a positive relationship with your husband and yet be troubled by negative thinking due to a traumatic event in your life such as the death of a child or close relative. This too can effect your intimate times. Seek the help you need. God is able to heal those memories.A HAPPY REUNION WHEN THE WORKDAY ENDS. The tone for the bedroom is often set by the way a couple greet each other after being apart all day. Drop everything for a moment when you are reunited and take time to show affection.A LIFESTYLE THAT DOESN’T LEAVE THE COUPLE FRAZZLED. When arranging your social calendar, a priority item should be some relaxed evenings with earlier than usual bedtimes.It’s Worth the EffortLinda set her alarm an hour early. Bathing, shampooing, shaving her legs, perfuming—no part

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of her body was neglected. Why? She had an appointment with the doctor for her annual physical. How meticulous we are in making a good impression on outsiders. Do we try just as hard to be appealing to our mate? What steps can we take to enhance sexual intimacy?First, be sure your body is clean and appealing, and your breath is fresh. It is a rare man or woman indeed who is aroused by an unclean body. Yet we tend to get careless after the honeymoon is over. Keep in mind that many men prefer the natural aura of a woman’s body and don’t want it masked by perfume.Also, share with one another what pleases you sexually. You may claim embarrassment and resist doing this, but you’ll hinder the growth of intimacy between you. (Read and discuss helpful books such as, The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, Zondervan, and Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gay Wheat, Revell, and Is There Sex After Kids? By Jill Salvage. Reading books such as these will help you overcome inhibitions you may have.)Finally, be totally available to one another. If needed, schedule together a specific day and time. According to I Corinthians 7:1-5, what responsibility do married people have to one another?_________________________________________________________________________

I can hear someone saying, “If I were always available, that’s all we’d be doing all day!” But it doesn't work that way. It is the person who senses rejection who can think of nothing else but sex. A wise doctor reassured a fearful patient with these words: “Someone who bangs on the door 40 times when it stays locked only knocks once if you open right away” (Quoted in Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow, Nelson.)

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We usually think of the husband as the aggressive one and the wife as the one who gives in. How pleasant it is when the wife enthusiastically returns his advances, or even takes the initiative. This sometimes can be the solution to the problem of the husband who seems to think of nothing else but sex.Some time ago, Moody Radio aired a survey on sex. Men and women have different needs. Several men were placed in one room, and were asked what would be their top priority need from their wives. Most, if not all, answered, “Sex!” The women, on the other hand, had answers that varied: communication, husband to be more understanding, be more involved in disciplining their children, attend to minor broken things around the house, be more considerate in cleaning or tidying up, and so on. Plan to GrowThink about the most intimate aspect of your life and write down what you appreciate most about your spouse. (To preserve privacy you may want to do this on a separate sheet of paper.)_________________________________________________________________________

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What area of your sexual life do you feel best about?_________________________________________________________________________

In what area do you feel the need for growth?_________________________________________________________________________

How might you begin helping your spouse to grow?_________________________________________________________________________

Share what you’ve written with your spouse and commit it to God together. Consider reading

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portions of the Song of Solomon from the Bible together before going to bed each night.It Improves with TimeWhile a man’s sex drive is strongest in his late teens and early twenties, a woman’s sexual desire continues to increase for many years. This is a wonderful part of God’s plan because it makes life together better and better as the wife increasingly enjoys her husband. One husband recently said with delight, as his wife was luring him into bed, “Are you the same woman who used to complain, ’Aren’t we doing this a bit often?’ “ As the wife’s enjoyment increases, the husband does not fall behind. A professor told his students, “My wife recently said to me, ‘You are a true archaeologist. The older I get, the more interested you get!’” That’s the way God planned it! Intimacy Doesn’t Happen AutomaticallyIncreasing enjoyment of life together isn’t guaranteed. God arranged for it, but you must take definite steps in order to make it happen:STRIVE FOR ONENESS OF SPIRIT IN EVERYDAY LIFE. Hal and Emily were making big plans to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. In fact, they seemed to be trying to outdo one another in their efforts to make a good impression on other people. But Emily confided to her closest friend, “At times I even wonder if we’ll make it till our anniversary. Love isn’t there anymore. Our marriage seems to have become one big competition.”This couple had a serious problem, but it wasn’t something that had recently developed. Twenty-two years earlier when their first baby was born, Emily cringed as Hal bragged to their friends that when he put the diaper on at least it stayed up. When Emily entered the working world, she couldn’t help but be pleased when she began bringing home a

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fatter paycheck than Hal did. Competing with each other had gradually become a way of life with them.Ask yourself if any of the following danger signs characterize your attitude toward your spouse:Do I feel better about myself when I feel I am superior to my spouse in some area? yes ____ no____Do I find it difficult to praise my marriage partner lest it go to his/her head? yes ____ no____Do I often find myself telling others about my spouse’s areas of weakness? yes ____ no____Does it bother me when my spouse receives recognition and I don’t? yes ____ no____If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you may need help in developing a sense of oneness of spirit in your marriage. A lack of this is often an underlying cause of unhappiness in the bedroom.MAKE SURE THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS #1 IN YOUR PRIORITIES. Nothing is more important than a growing relationship with God, but out of that should stem an increasingly meaningful relationship with your spouse. Unfortunately, many husbands give top priority to their employment, and many wives give first place to their children. Take time to pray, and be open to God’s speaking to you. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you if you need to readjust your priorities.Results of a Satisfying Love LifeA satisfying sex life brings great reward along with it in other areas of your life. First, it is one of God’s natural tranquilizers. Our days are filled with stress, but relief is available to couples who have carefully developed this aspect of their lives. The sexual act can then be thoroughly enjoyed and the body will relax in a euphoria of contentment.

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Second, a deep sense of fulfillment is derived when the husband and wife give themselves fully to one another in married love. There is little that bolsters self-esteem more than a satisfying love life.Third, there is no greater source of security for a child than knowing that his or her parents are very much in love with each other. Parents should not be ashamed to show affection openly before their children. Love will fill the whole house.God Draws Near in Your BedroomThose who read the Bible know that “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). Christians who have learned to give themselves fully to the Lord have been set free to give themselves fully to their spouses.FOR MEMORY: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. . . . I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.” (Song of Solomon 6:3; 7:10).

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Lesson 9

BASIC TRAININGFOR YOUR CHILDREN

We often hear that action is louder than words. Children learn best through what they see, including visual examples shown to them. Children are smart and observant so that they are able to distinguish discipline done in love or without love, firm or feeble, meek or with anger, and so on. Parents are an open book, which children read each day. But still, God has given children hearts to love their parent unconditionally. When children become teens they often act out their pain, and share it with their peers. Write your own definition of “discipline”?_________________________________________________________________________

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Discipline has been described in one dictionary as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” The verb, to discipline, means: “to train or develop by instruction and exercise in self-control.”Motive for DisciplineChristian parents have the highest possible motivation for disciplining their children. Compare your motive for disciplining your children with Paul’s goal for his spiritual children, in Galatians 4:19._________________________________________________________________________

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Parents are co-partners with God in the application of truth and grace in training our children. It is

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important to guide them in understanding being truly sorry. As parents, how does 2 Corinthians 7:10 apply to your own life? And, how would you lead your child to genuine repentance?_________________________________________________________________________

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Christian parents are able to see discipline as correcting and training their children toward Christ-likeness. The goal should be to help the child recognize and want to correct all expressions of sinfulness in words, deeds, and attitudes. But parents must realize that, like us, only when children have Christ within will they be able to become what God intends them to be.Principles for DisciplineThe Bible gives clear instructions concerning the disciplining of children. According to Proverbs 13:24, how do parents show their love to a child?_________________________________________________________________________

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What could be the result of failing to discipline a child? (Proverbs 29:15)_________________________________________________________________________

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According to Proverbs 29:17, what is the reward for those faithful in disciplining their offspring?_________________________________________________________________________

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Methods of DisciplineHere are three effective ways to discipline:1. BY EXAMPLE. The most effective training that you

can give your child is the instruction he or she receives through the way you live. Children

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naturally imitate what they see in their parents’ lives. The apostle Paul was aware of this principle. He felt like a father to the Corinthian believers. Read I Corinthians 4:15-16 and express the apostle’s exhortation in your own words.

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The Bible teaches that each person’s life is like a letter, “known and read by all” (II Corinthians 3:2). As you think about discipline, think first about this: “Your children are the first to read you! What message does my manner of living give to my children)?” Ponder the old adage: “What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say!” This contains a message for all parents.2. BY VERBAL INSTRUCTION. What does Deuteronomy

6:7 say about the use of verbal instruction?_________________________________________________________________________

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Teach your children within the context of everyday experiences. An act of kindness can lead your child to genuine repentance. A father can teach the importance of hard work by talking about it while he and his child are having a good time working together. By praying with a troubled child when he or she has had a bad dream, a mother can teach faith in God.Verbal instruction includes expressing your expectations. Dr. James Dobson, noted psychologist and author of such books as Dare to Discipline, calls this “defining the boundaries.” Children should be told what types of behavior are and are not acceptable before they are held accountable. Have you ever driven on a winding mountain road that had no guardrail? How did you feel? Your child

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needs rules, much like a guardrail, to give him or her a sense of security.BY PUNISHMENT. Proverbs 22:15 reminds us that, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” In the case of willful disobedience, a spanking, in the privacy of your own home, may be the best means of punishment (see Proverbs 23:13-14). But it is not the only means. In the same way that God deals with each of us uniquely, so should we deal with our children. Some children can be won by a quiet, earnest talk. Others respond well to having privileges withheld for a certain length of time. The kind of punishment that is best depends on the child’s temperament, age, and the situation.If parents are set against any physical punishment, a strong-willed child in such a home can be “grounded” from his favorite activities, repeatedly if necessary. Sometimes this works well. But watch out for feelings of resentment that can build up. “Grounding” may become a slow torture method, causing long days of tension between parent and child. In such cases, a quick spanking, administered in love, may be far more merciful! (Note: The best way to avoid either of the two extremes [physical punishment, or taking away privileges] is to give children opportunities to earn privileges first, rather than threatening to take them away because of bad behavior.)Time Out for DeliberationTogether with your spouse, think through the methods of discipline covered here. How can you implement them in your home?_________________________________________________________________________

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Six Rules for Applying DisciplineThe Bible reminds us that “They (our fathers) disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he (God) disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness” (Hebrews 12:10). God knows how to discipline so that His goal is achieved. Check out the following six basic rules for discipline:1. BE CONSISTENT. Do not punish an offense one day and tolerate it the next. If a habit needs to be corrected, it should be dealt with consistently. (Obviously, threatening is out!) Parents need to stand together and support one another with consistent action. Otherwise, the child will soon learn to play one parent against the other.2. BE FAIR. There should be no preferential treatment within the family. Sometimes the eldest, or the youngest, the prettiest, or the most intelligent is able to get away with things that no one else can. This results in deep disharmony, envy, and even contempt.3. SUIT THE DISCIPLINE TO BOTH THE CHILD AND THE OFFENSE. Even children in the same family respond differently to the same type of discipline. Ask the Lord for sensitivity. The discipline should correspond to the seriousness of the offense. Different offenses and different children require different forms of punishment. Lest this be misunderstood by the siblings and appear to be favoritism, have a heart-to-heart talk with them.4. DO NOT MEASURE DISCIPLINE BY COMPARING WITH ANOTHER CHILD. A parent may think that if only the difficult child were like his or her sibling, like the boy next door, or like the parent was when he was young, that all the problems would be solved. Making an unfavorable comparison attacks the child’s self-esteem, and does more harm than good.

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5. LET DISCIPLINE BE CONSTRUCTIVE. Always maintain the dignity of the child. The purpose of discipline is to correct and strengthen the child, not to vent your own emotional tension or anger. It is important that you help a child understand why he or she is being punished. The purpose is to bring the child to the place where he or she won’t merely obey, but also grow in self-control and a sense of personal responsibility.6. PUNISH, AND THEN FORGIVE. When children acknowledge their faults, forgiveness should be immediate. This can be a precious moment between parent and child. Pray together. The child should know that he or she is fully forgiven and that this offence will never be brought up again.Using What You’ve StudiedAnalyze the following situations and write the number of the rule (above), which applies to each. Jot down comments of advice or encouragement for the individuals concerned.1. “Look at this terrible report card! You should be ashamed of yourself. Your sister did so well. Why can’t you bring home a good report too, so the whole family can celebrate together?”Rule # ________ Your comments:_________________________________________________________________________

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2. “That’s enough. I’ve had all I can take. Nothing has gone right for me today, and now you’ve spilled your milk on my clean floor. Lean over. I’m going to give you what you deserve.” Rule # ________ Your comments: _________________________________________________________________________

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3. “Mom, why does Mandy get dessert even though she didn’t finish her plate? None of the rest of us do.” “Stop your complaining. You know she’s just a little girl.”Rule # ________ Your comments: _________________________________________________________________________

4. “We can watch TV late tonight, Sis. Dad’s not here. Mom won’t make us go to bed when we usually have to.”Rule # ________ Your comments:_________________________________________________________________________

5. “I love you very much, and I’m so glad you said you were sorry. Let’s tell the Lord all about it. He’s forgiven me many times when I’ve told Him I’m sorry.”Rule # ________ Your comments: _________________________________________________________________________

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v. 6. “Kids, I never promised to treat each of you exactly the same. You’re all so different. But I do promise that I’ll ask the Lord to guide me in the way I treat you.”Rule # ________ Your comments:_________________________________________________________________________

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7. “You can’t ride your bike today because you left it out again last night. It could so easily be stolen, and then you’d never get to ride it.”Rule # ________ Your comments:_________________________________________________________________________

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A Word to Imperfect Parents84

Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes. Dale arrived home just in time to see his two sons tearing into one another. He grabbed the older one who apparently was at fault, and gave him a sound spanking. But then Dale’s wife filled him in on what had happened just before he arrived. Sure enough, he had spanked the wrong boy! Though it was difficult, Dad made his way to his older son’s room and admitted he had goofed. Smiling through his tears, Andy replied graciously, “That’s okay Dad. I make mistakes, too.” Children don’t expect perfection, but they do expect you to be honest. They know, even before you do, if you’ve made a mistake. A parent who is quick to say, “I’m sorry” deserves respect.FOR MEMORY: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:20-21).

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Lesson 10

FAMILYTOGETHERNESS

The counselor observed the deep lines of worry etched on Kurt’s face as the troubled father walked into his office. “Our two teenagers are in a different world from their mom and me. They seem to see our home as no more than a place to sleep; they don't even sit down to eat with us. When they were kids they were always clamoring for our attention or to do things with them. They wanted time together as a family—outdoors or indoors—just so it was together. Now we finally have some time, but they couldn't care less! What should we do?”Recreation: A Priority?Kurt’s situation is indeed a serious one, but, unfortunately, not uncommon. The time to become a close-knit family should begin when our children are very young. When they are older it will be more difficult. Nevertheless, regardless of their age, now is the time to begin. Don't put off trying to build togetherness.God has given men and women appropriate amounts of time to accomplish all they need to do. Most of us will agree that we always have time for anything we truly consider important. The problem with recreation may lie in having a faulty view of its importance for family well-being. You probably have heard the haunting words from Harry Chapin’s song, “Cat’s in the Cradle.” Throughout the song the father explains why he can't spend time with his son but that someday “we'll have a good time then, son. We're gonna have a good time then.” But for the songwriter, and for countless children, that time seems never to come. As we saw in Chapter 9,

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children learn by what they observe. If parents consistently tell their children that they are too busy, have a must-deadline to meet, a project to complete, or anything else that says, “Not now”. Words like those will one day come back to haunt them.The following can serve as a chart of your activities for this coming week. Taking the time to write it down seems to help more than just processing it in our mind. Follow the instructions below.

Morning Afternoon Evening

Sun

Mon

Tue

Wed

Thu

Fri

Sat

This might seem tedious because we live in the present ‘app-dated’ and tech-dated world, but this

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seemingly old-fashion way is still reliably good to follow. First, fill in the blocks with time that are reserved for work, church, chores, and other fixed appointments. Next, look for blocks of free time. Is there time that can be used to do something special as a family? Put it on your schedule quickly, and then regard it as a must appointment! Repeat this exercise each week until the habit of planning family fun grows on you. You don't need to have large amounts of time. The important thing is to give yourself completely to the family during the time you have.Did you find this helpful? Your answer may have been “yes” or “no”. Think about why you answered as you did.Listed below are several activities that cost very little. Make this list personal by adding other activities that would be fun for you and your family: at home, within the area, or farther away:Game nights/picnic in the park/zooReading time/go for a walk/planetarium Hobbies/sports at a field/science & art sites_________________________________________________________________________

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What Do You Do with the TV, Electronics, Hand-held Devices, and Gaming?_________________________________________________________________________

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Have you ever heard someone misquote the Bible verse and say, “Money is the root of all evil”? I Timothy 6:10 actually states, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils.” In other words, it is

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the attitude we have toward money, and how we use it, that determines whether it is sinful or not. In the same way, it is how we use our TV, electronics, hand-held devices, and gaming that determine whether it poses evil for us or not.These things are potentially powerful instrument for good in our world. Unfortunately, those who determine much of the programming and gaming are not considering the good of others, much less the glory of God. Based on a recent survey, the average American child has witnessed 18,000 murders on TV before he or she reaches the age of fourteen, not to mention all the adultery, approval of homosexual and trans-gender lifestyles, besides rebellious disorder that has been vividly portrayed. Hand-held electronics and smart-phones can be destructive because at just one click, a child can easily view the same as on television, and at times, even worse. The graphics on games are also violent and horrific. The situation has become so bad that even secular educators are calling for parental control of programs, usage of electronics, time spend using hand-held devices and the type of games for children.According to Psalm 1:1-2, what is God’s standard concerning the things that you should and should not allow to influence your thoughts and actions?_________________________________________________________________________

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Faced with the power of media and intense graphics to mold the character of your family, decisive action must be taken to let it serve and not enslave you. Consider the following steps for making the TV, other media equipment, electronics, and games your servant:1. Talk together as a family about the pros and cons of what they are viewing and participating in. Teach

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your children how to decide whether or not a program sites, subscribers, and games should be watched. It is important that you watch programs, check their history on online sites, and participate with your children to find out if they’re appropriate or not. Together draw up a list of approved programs, sites, and games appropriate for each age level. Put these in writing and post them near the television set.2. Regulate the amount of time that may be spent watching TV, usage of hand-held devices, and games. Some parents are putting a unique idea into practice. For instance, they issue ten tickets to each child per week. These may be used for watching ten programs, online shows, and games from the approved list, or ten half hours of show, video and game time. Of course, parents must be willing to submit to the same restrictions! Without your own personal discipline and selectivity, no amount of talk will convince your children of their need of regulating their TV and electronic activities.3. Keep the rules that you make! Turn off the set when the program that you’ve been watching ends. Don’t allow anyone to turn it on unless the person already knows what he or she plans to watch. Set up priorities so that everyone knows what must be completed (such as homework, family worship, meals) before any entertainment.4. Don't use TV or hand-held devices as your babysitter. “I get my housework done with no trouble at all,” a young mother stated smugly. “I just set Beth’s baby seat in front of the TV, computer, or tablet and she’s fascinated by all the movement and sounds.” That mother is paying a much higher price for those hours of freedom than she realizes. Carefully screen the programs you allow your child to watch, and don't let him/her begin the habit too early!

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Getting a Handle on Your Family’s DevicesMake a chart on poster board for recording your TV or other devises for seven days. The chart should have three columns for each day:Time: Program Title and Description: Viewers:Fill in the chart for one whole week, writing down each program watched and by whom. At the end of the week answer the following questions. Circle the appropriate response:1. What did you discover as you filled out this chart? In what way did it help your family, depending on what you thought about doing this?2. Did you watch the programs with your child if you had not seen them previously? Yes No (If you said “Yes”, you show care for the kind of input you want placed in the mind of your child.)3. Is the TV functioning as a babysitter in your home? Yes No4. Did you systematically plan your viewing for the week and stick to your plan? Yes No (If “Yes”, you are on the way to making the TV or other electronic devises your servant, instead of your being a slave!.)Complete this chart each week until you know you have gained control. If you cannot control your viewing, it may be time to do something about the television set!A friend was most upset when one of her children spilled a glass of juice on the TV, causing it to short out. Her agitation turned to joy however, as her family began having more fun times together!Experiencing God TogetherA family that enjoys doing things together will find that growing together spiritually comes more easily. Meeting with God as a family at a certain time each

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day is important, but even more important is maintaining the sense of walking in God’s presence all day long. According to Deuteronomy 6:5-7, what does God want you to do to foster spiritual growth in your family, and how can you protect this time?_________________________________________________________________________

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Your children’s teachable moments will come at the most unexpected times. They may come when you’re riding in the car, at bedtime, or when the children are overhearing adult conversation. Ask God to make you alert so that you’ll take full advantage of them.Does Family Worship Need to Be Boring?“Do we have to have devotions? It’s so boring,” complained Andrew, as his father reached for the Bible after supper. In this entertainment-oriented age it takes some extra creativity to achieve meaningful family worship, but it’s worth the effort. Here is a list of suggestions for successful devotional times together.1. Decide on the best time of day for getting the whole family together. If it is impossible to set aside time seven days a week, you may have to settle for just five or six times a week. The important thing is to be faithful to the commitment you make as a family.2. Let brevity, the quality of expressing much in few words, be your key goal. It’s so much better to have your children complain about the family worship time being too short than to have them resent the long time they have to sit and listen.3. Enable everyone to be an active participant. Even if a child is too young to read, he or she can hand out the Bibles. If the parents pray in a natural conversational manner, like a child talking to a

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parent, their children will not find it difficult to pray aloud, too.4. Vary what you do. Sometimes sing. Memorizing some of the worship songs can be meaningful to the whole family. Sometimes concentrate on Bible memory verses. Other times learn more about a missionary family or read a Christian biography together. If your children are young you may want to use a Bible storybook. When they learn to read, they'll enjoy taking turns reading from the Bible.5. There are useful Facebook video posts, You-Tube testimonies, and Christian websites that can help your children understand God’s message through visual resources.6. Use your own original ideas. You may want to make or buy a puppet and have your child help you out. Some families enjoy dramatizing the Scripture, using simple face masks. Your children may be assigned to be in charge of family worship from time to time. You’ll be surprised at how well they'll do.Don't Expect It to Go Smoothly!Even if family worship does not always go smoothly, do not be discouraged. God has a wonderful way of using our feeble efforts!Howard Hendricks, a former professor and sought after speaker on family and home, tells of a faithful pastor who preached his heart out for three years but with no results. He cried out to God for revival, but his people remained unmoved. As he waited before the Lord one day, his heart was stirred. He had been expecting a great movement of the Spirit at church, but God showed him it must begin in the home. The pastor then went from home to home among his members helping them to have family worship. Before long the sparks that were kindled in many homes became a roaring fire of revival in that church. (Heaven Help the Home, Victor Books.)

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God desires to strengthen the bonds that hold your family together. He’s vitally interested in your playing together, praying together, and staying together.FOR MEMORY: “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).

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Lesson 11

FAMILYNUTRITION

Six out of ten leading causes of death in the United States have been linked with our diet. After an extensive study, the Select Committee on Nutrition and Human Needs of the U.S. Senate came to that startling conclusion. “The simple fact is that our diets have changed radically within the past 50 years, with great and often very harmful effects on our health. Too much of the wrong kind of fat, too much sugar or salt, can be and are, linked directly to heart disease, cancer, obesity, and stroke, among other killer diseases.”A Christian nutritionist shared a simple visual way to understand the dynamic truth in health and wellness. Picture a triangle, the left bottom tip is you. As you eat nutritional food, you are in obedience to God, who is the top tip of the triangle. And, you are better to serve your family and others, who are the right bottom tip of the triangle.Facts such as these remind us of the wisdom of Proverbs 23:20: “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat.”The Bible and NutritionSome might wonder if it’s appropriate to bring nutrition into a Bible study. Yet there are two Biblical principles that make nutrition relevant to this study:PRINCIPLE 1: THE PHYSICAL BODY OF EACH CHRISTIAN IS A TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. According to I Corinthians 6:19-20 what should your response to this truth be?

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PRINCIPLE 2: THE EXERCISE OF SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-DENIAL IS A VITAL PART OF THE CHRISTIAN LIFE

What strong principle did Jesus set down in Luke 14:33 for those who want to follow Him?_________________________________________________________________________

How did Paul apply the principle of self-denial to his own life in I Corinthians 9:24-27?_________________________________________________________________________

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According to I Corinthians 10:31, what basic motivation should guide Christians in ordering their lives?_________________________________________________________________________

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Rating Your Food ChoicesSo much depends on the choices you make. The Rhode Island Department of Health has devised a way to help you discover how your diet measures up in terms of undesirable ingredients. Place a check mark next to those items you eat or drink on a regular basis:___ whole milk ___ low-fat milk, buttermilk___ donuts, pastry, cake or pie ___ bagel, English muffin___ Regular cheese, ___ low-fat cheese___ bacon, sausage ___ lean ham___ potato or corn chips ___ whole-grain cracker___ sour cream ___ yogurt or low fat sour cream___ pop, fruit drinks ___ fresh fruit juice___ white bread products ___ whole-grain bread & products___ luncheon meats, hot dogs ___ fish fresh, or canned in water___ marbled or fatty beef, pork ___ lean beef, chicken, turkey

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___ hamburger with + 20% fat ___ lean hamburger___ sugar-coated cereals ___ wholegrain, “plain” cereals___ candy, cookies ___ raisins, dried fruit___ tuna packed in oil ___ water-packed tuna___ fruit, canned or frozen in syrup ___ unsweetened fruit

___ Total ___ Total

Count the checks in each column of the preceding chart. If you have more checks in the left-hand column than in the right, your total diet is probably too high in bad fat, salt, or sugar to be healthy for you.USDA’s Daily Food GuideAll of the foods we eat come from the five food groups in the following lists. Four of these groups supply the vitamins, minerals, and protein the body needs, as well as calories. The fifth group provides mainly calories and little in the way of nutrients.VEGETABLE/FRUIT GROUP. All fruits and vegetables are included in this group. Four half-cup servings are needed each day (or one orange, half a grapefruit, etc.). Citrus fruits and melons, as well as broccoli and tomatoes, are an excellent source of vitamin C. Deep yellow or dark green vegetables are a good source of vitamin A and minerals. Vegetables and fruits, especially those that are unpeeled or have edible seeds such as strawberries, give the body needed fiber. Nearly all vegetables and fruits are low in fat, and none contain cholesterol.What’s in it for you? Recent research suggests that foods rich in vitamin A, lower the risk of cancer of the larynx, esophagus, and lungs. We may soon find ourselves saying, “A carrot a day keeps cancer away!” Natural vitamin C, as well as high-fiber foods, also appear to have a preventive effect against cancer.BREAD/CEREAL GROUP. All products made with whole grains or enriched flour and meal, including cereals

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and pastas, make up this group. Four servings daily are required in order to gain sufficient B vitamins, iron, protein, and minerals, which are available in these foods. It’s important to include some whole grain bread or cereals in your daily diet for their fiber content.Be alert to the fact that not all brown breads are made with whole grains. Check the label for the words “whole grain flour” rather than “wheat flour” or even “unbleached enriched wheat flour.”MILK/CHEESE GROUP. Dairy products provide needed calcium as well as protein. This group includes milk, yogurt, ice cream, and cheeses, including cottage cheese. Most adults and young children need two servings daily, while three are needed for children over nine. Teens, pregnant women, and nursing mothers need four servings.What about breast-feeding? Medical science has learned that cow’s milk raises cholesterol levels of an infant to higher levels than mother’s milk does. Also, the nutrients in human breast milk tend to be absorbed more easily than those in cow’s milk. In addition, breast milk serves to transfer immunity to some diseases from the mother to the infant. An organization that has helped many couples when the wife had problems with nursing is: La Leche League International, 9616 Minneapolis Ave., Franklin Park, IL 60131.MEAT/POULTRY/FISH/BEANS GROUP This group includes all meat, poultry, fish and shellfish, as well as eggs, seeds, nuts, peanut butter, dried beans, peas, and lentils. These foods are especially valued for the protein, phosphorus, and vitamins B6 and B12 they provide. Unfortunately, the most popular body-building foods are often rich in cholesterol. Cholesterol occurs only in foods of animal origin, including milk, cheese and eggs. Organ meats and egg yolks have the highest concentration, while the

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flesh of fish and poultry is relatively low in cholesterol.Eat animal products in moderation. Many people have begun reducing their daily intake of meat by eating more beans, grains, and nuts. But it’s important to make sure a complete protein is provided by combining vegetables so that amino acids lacking in one food can be supplied by another. Some compatible protein pairs are:Red beans and riceSplit pea soup and breadsticksTossed salads with garbanzo beans and bulgar wheatRelish salad with corn and kidney beansBlack-eyed peas and corn breadBread and peanut butterCorn tortillas and refried beansFATS/SWEETS/ALCOHOL GROUP. Foods included in this group are butter, margarine, mayonnaise and other salad dressings, fats and oils, candy, sugar, jams, syrup, sweet toppings and desserts, soft drinks and other highly sugared beverages, wine, beer, and liquor. Also included are refined but un-enriched breads, pastries, and other flour products. These products, except for vegetable oils, (especially olive oil) provide mainly calories. If your calorie consumption is too high, Group Five is the first place to cut back.Are you overweight? Try this simple test. Grasp your skin between your lower rib and your waistline. If you are pinching more than an inch in thickness, you’re probably “over fat” even if a weight chart tells you your weight is typical. Some people are more attractive with extra weight, but is it worth the risk to your health? Recent tests have shown

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that one of the strongest relationships between diet and cancer exists between tumor formation and excessive calories. In women, cancer of the uterus, breast, and gallbladder have all been linked to increased body weight due to excessive calorie intake. In men, cancer of the large bowel shows this same relationship.What should you do to lose weight? “Crash diets” are not the answer because they do not enable you to change your habits of eating and exercise. Losing one to one and a half pounds a week is not difficult. The average man needs between 2400 and 2700 calories a day to maintain his weight; the average woman needs between 1800 and 2000. Each day try to expend about 500-750 more calories in exercise than you take in. Just an additional 20 minutes per day of mildly aerobic exercise, walking briskly, swimming, or even using the stairs rather than the elevator—can increase your metabolism enough to burn off these unwanted calories. Before beginning any serious dieting (of 20 pounds or more), be sure to check with your doctor.Penny-pinching Hints for Good Health

Drink lots of liquids, especially water. A well-known urologist advises never to pass a drinking fountain without stopping. He adds that if you are drinking enough water you should need to get up to urinate at least once each night.

Plant a small garden of easy-to-grow vegetables, and purchase food that is in season. Foods that are in season are far more economical.

Preserve foods that are in season. Sitting around the table singing or talking while snapping beans develops a closeness missed by many families.

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Plan your weekly menus and make a shopping list before going to the store. Don't go shopping when you’re hungry, and don't allow yourself to buy anything not on the list, unless you’ve forgotten an item you definitely need.

Buy things when they are on sale, as often as possible. If you have storage space, stock up at that time.

Use cents-off coupons, but only for the items you would buy anyway. Be alert. Sometimes, even with the discount, name brand items are more expensive than the equally suitable store or generic brands.

Learn to enjoy brown rice. Countless dishes that use only small pieces of meat to lend flavor to combinations of vegetables, are delicious, and can be served over rice. Large bags of brown rice can be purchased for a nominal price at restaurant supply stores.

Minimize the purchase of snack foods. If your family must snack, provide foods that do not contain large amounts of sugar, fat, and salt, such as fruit juice, yogurt, wholegrain bread or crackers, cheese, cut up fresh vegetables, fruit, raisins, nuts, and popcorn to satisfy them.

Remember that you pay dearly for the convenience of purchasing ready-made foods. Gradually branch out in learning to make things from scratch. It may not be as hard as you think, and it can be much more fun.

Analyzing Your NutritionYou might find it revealing to chart your food intake for a few days, according to the food group. Or, use this chart to plan well-balanced menus. Using the chart on the next page, and on a separate sheet of paper, set up your own menu for wholesome eating.

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Food Groups

Breakfast

Lunch Dinner Snacks

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First

Second

Third

Forth

Fifth

FOR MEMORY: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

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Lesson 12

FAMILY TOFAMILIES

“Watch out,” whispered Jason to his younger sister. “Mom’s real uptight again because we're having company for dinner.” Anita couldn't deny it. Even though she really wanted to be hospitable, getting ready for visitors made her tense and irritable. She resented the lack of cooperation from the rest of the family when she was trying to make everything picture perfect for the guests. In utter frustration she exclaimed, “Hospitality just isn't my thing!”Defining HospitalityCould it be that Anita’s problem was that she did not understand what hospitality really is? Look up the word “hospitable” in a dictionary and jot down the main points of the definition:_________________________________________________________________________

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Does the definition mention a perfectly beautiful environment, decorated according to the most recent trend?Yes No (Circle your answers.)Does the definition stipulate that the food must have a 5-star presentation; an expensive and professional appearance? Yes NoDoes the definition imply that the visitors should go home impressed by the perfect family and model house they have visited?

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Yes NoIf you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, please look for a new dictionary!We know in our minds that hospitality is not trying to make a good impression. Yet, how often are we held back from inviting people over because our house might not be special enough, clean enough, or our kids might not be good enough?The Bible Guides Us In Showing HospitalityThere are three Biblical principles concerning hospitality to consider:1. HOSPITALITY IS NOT AN OPTION. God has commanded it. (And if God commands, He enables.) What special incentive is given along with the command in Hebrews 13:2?_________________________________________________________________________

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If you are curious about what this means, look up Genesis 18:1-8 and 19:1-3. According to I Peter 4:9, what attitude are we to have as we show hospitality?_________________________________________________________________________

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Take a look at the context of Hebrews 13:1 and I Peter 4:8. Hospitality is the natural outgrowth of love. Does poverty exempt us from this command? ____________

Describe the widow’s circumstances in I Kings 17:8-18. What was expected of her?_________________________________________________________________________

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2. HOSPITALITY IS NOT SELF-PROMOTING. SIMPLICITY IN HOSPITALITY IS ENCOURAGED IN THE BIBLE. What was the Lord Jesus’ comment to Martha concerning her frantic preparation when He was her guest? See Luke 10:38-42._________________________________________________________________________

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What is the attitude we are instructed to cultivate in Matthew 6:25-34?_________________________________________________________________________

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How many times is the word “anxious” mentioned in this passage? ________

Even in the way we go about showing hospitality we should demonstrate a simple, worry-free lifestyle. The essence of hospitality is caring and sharing. When a person feels bound to go beyond that, frustration results.3. SINCERE HOSPITALITY DOES NOT LOOK FOR EARTHLY GAIN, REPAYMENT OR REWARD. Hospitality is also not for selling purposes or to encourage guests to join networking profit schemes. Love is the motivation. According to Luke 6:32-36, what is the end result for those who do things without expecting to get anything in return?Take a look at the context of Hebrews 13:1 and I Peter 4:8. Hospitality is the natural outgrowth of love. Does poverty exempt us from this command? ________

Describe the widow’s circumstances in I Kings 17:8-16. What was expected of her?_________________________________________________________________________

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Why Is Hospitality So Important?Showing hospitality is not always convenient. It may call for planning simpler meals day by day so there’s enough money left in the budget for extra food for entertaining company. You may have to stretch yourself socially in order to reach out to people you don't know so well, instead of relaxing with old friends and relatives. Is it worth the effort? The Bible gives us five specific purposes for Christian hospitality:FELLOWSHIP. How did the early Christians express their love to one another in Acts 2:46-47?_________________________________________________________________________

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EVANGELISM. When Matthew (previously a selfish tax collector) met Jesus and became His disciple, what was the first thing that he did? See Luke 5:2732._________________________________________________________________________

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The party not only honored Jesus, but also introduced Matthew’s friends to his newfound faith in Christ. In I Corinthians 16:19 and Romans 16:3-5, Priscilla and Aquila are shown opening their home so that the church could have a meeting place.What is the name of a non-Christian friend whom you most recently invited into your home? _____________________ When was that? ______________________ Take time to pray and ask God’s direction concerning the next time you should reach out in this way. Write down any ideas that He gives you._________________________________________________________________________

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WELCOMING A NEW PERSON OR FAMILY TO YOUR CHURCH. When we first moved to Mission Hills Church in Colorado, one particular family invited us over for dinner, not just once, but on various occasions, and made us feel like family!

Are there any new faces in your church--new attenders whom you could take out for dinner or for a special dessert? Better yet you could invite them to your home! (Read this lesson again!) Write the name of at least one new attender. If there’s no one, pray earnestly for your church and then watch for someone new and fill in this blank:As soon as you know who they are, write their names here: ____________________________________________

Be sure to note also the suggestions below concerning people in need!

PROVIDING FOR THOSE IN NEED. Read Luke 14:12-14. Whom does Jesus instruct you to remember, besides your loved ones and friends, when you make your plans for showing hospitality?_________________________________________________________________________

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Name some ways the principle from Luke 14 could be carried out in your home._________________________________________________________________________

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How about inviting over that new family in church who may be starving for friends? What about the man or woman who has been divorced recently and whose spirit was left crippled by the rejection?SHOWING HOSPITALITY TO GOD’S SERVANTS. The youth pastor of a large active church came to dinner.

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“We're glad you could fit us into your busy schedule.” The pastor looked solemn and was lost for words. Finally he blurted out, “I've been here nearly a year and only one other family has invited me to dinner.” Probably the families of the church thought that the pastor was too busy to enjoy their hospitality, but in reality he wanted to be invited to their homes so that he could get to know them and their young people better. Many people are known for the fast pace at which they live. In our busyness, we may be missing out on some truly important opportunities.What did the Shunammite couple do for Elisha in 11 Kings 4:8-10?_________________________________________________________________________

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How did Lydia feel about showing hospitality to Paul and his companions? (Acts 16:12-15, 40)_________________________________________________________________________

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Your pastor probably has his own home and a wife who is only too happy to prepare meals for the family, but opening your home to God’s servants can produce a mutual blessing.Tips That Will Help You Succeed1. Keep your house relatively neat at all times. “Clean enough to be healthy; dirty enough to be happy,” is a practical motto that will keep you from being overly self-conscious about your home. Ideas that will make this happen:

Make a list of household duties and have your children pick two each week. During that week they are responsible to keep that area neat and clean.

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Keep your living room free from clutter, at least straightening before you go to bed each night.

Beds must be made in the morning, or else 15 minutes extra help is given to Mom!

Bedrooms must be neat before each comes to dinner.

If your house is kept relatively neat at all times, it won't be a major undertaking to invite guests. Be flexible in this, but don't be misled by your children into giving up a moderate standard of neatness.2. Make plans with your spouse for the coming month. If one of you is reluctant to entertain, encourage that person to decide who should be invited over. If the wife is the main cook, let the husband plan what to do to make the time enjoyable and profitable. Exchange these roles from time to time. Make hospitality a team effort.3. Prepare six menus, complete with recipes. As much as possible, keep the ingredients for all of them on hand. Try preparing and freezing one main dish that can feed several guests. When you have served it, freeze another.4. Keep games available so that if conversation lags there will be something interesting to do. Think through plans for the entire evening before your guests arrive.5. To save effort and expense, have each guest bring something. For example, you might have a tortilla buffet with each guest bringing a topping. Or, barbecue hamburgers and have your guests each bring a salad.6. Let entertaining be a family affair. Train your children to help prepare and to make the guests feel at home.7. Give this whole area of your life over to the Lord and trust Him to reach out to others through you.

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This Week: Prepare one tasty but simple menu for a complete meal for visitors. Include recipes. Be prepared to share this in your group session. As you exchange ideas in your group, you may end up with a number of new, well thought through meals. This will lighten the task of preparing for visitors.FOR MEMORY: “seek to show hospitality” (Romans 12:13).

Congratulations!What now? You are encouraged to practice these principles in your family as well as reaching out to others.To assist you, download the free Leader’s Guide from:TRAININGINMINISTRY.COM

May you experience God’s rich blessings in your home? Having a great Christian home is the most important thing you can do for God.You are also encouraged to study other equipping courses in the ITIM series to further prepare you to serve the Lord. These courses are all available at TrainingInMinistry.com

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