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EffectiveAffordableCompassionateTreatment
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Seen but not HeardChildren Affected by Familial Addiction
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Prevalence of Substance Abuse
• 8.3 million children in the United States, approximately 11 percent, live with at least one parent who is in need of treatment for alcohol- or drug-dependency.
• 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 is living in a home where alcoholism or alcohol abuse is a fact of daily life.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Abuse and NeglectParents with
substance abuse problems are
approximately 3 times likelier to report abuse towards their children and 4 times
likelier to report neglect than parents without substance abuse problems.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Characteristic Concerns of COAs
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children feel responsible for parent’s drinking or drug use.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
www.postsecret.com
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children equate drinking /drug use with not being loved.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Mama Bear
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children fear the alcohol/ drug abuser will get sick or die.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children grieve the parent or life they once had before addiction became part
of their family.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children feel angry with non-using parent or
other involved relatives.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children are embarrassed by parent’s behavior.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children never know what to expect.
12
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children are confused by the difference between “dry” and
“drunk” behavior.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children become “parentified” and begin to feel responsible for adult
issues and duties.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Children sometimes “want” their parent to drink or use drugs.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Common Beliefs in Families of Addiction
• It’s not okay to express feelings freely.• It’s not okay to talk about problems.• Indirect communication is best.• Unrealistic expectations.• Don’t be selfish.• Do as I say, not as I do.• It’s not okay to play or be playful.• Don’t rock the boat.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Don’t Talk.Don’t Trust.Don’t Feel.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Lost Childhood: Growing Up in an Alcoholic FamilyThis DVD examines alcoholism's lingering effect on several young children from the same summer camp. In interviews recorded in 1986, these children of alcoholics discuss their experiences with an honesty and wisdom beyond their years. Between interviews, the documentary weaves information about the prevalence of alcoholism and the likelihood that children of alcoholics also will succumb to the disease. The program revisits two of the children 17 years later to chart the long-term effectiveness of childhood treatment, as well as to illustrate how caring adults can increase a child's chances of leading a healthy, productive life. LOST CHILDHOOD concludes with a return to the camp to meet the newest generation of children of alcoholics.
Available at nacoa.org
National Association of Children of Alcoholics
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Helping Children of Addicted Parents
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Important Messages COAs Need to Hear• You are not alone.
• You are not responsible for the drinking or drug use in your family.
• It’s not your fault.
• You can’t control your parent’s drinking or drug use.
• Things can be better for you.
• There are people and places that can help you.
• All of your feelings are okay.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
• Let children know in an age-appropriate manner what happened when/if they ask.
• If they don’t ask or don’t know about the addiction, let them know before they are adolescents.
• Work on communication skills as a family and one on one.
Breaking the No Talk Rule.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
What are we here to talk about?
ADDICTIONADDICTIONWhat do we mean we say that someone is
addicted?
AddictionAddictionCan’t Stop
More and More
Get HookedGet Trapped
Cravings
Bad
Choices
Bad Things
Very Sick
= DISEASE
BAD
PEOPLE
People: Doctors/Nurses
CounselorsPriests/Pastors/ClergySponsor
Places: Hospital
RehabChurch/Place ofWorship
Meetings:AA
Alcoholics Anonymous
NANarcotics AnonymousAl Anon
Alateen
Preteen
We can’t fix it.
T & RT & RTreatment & Recovery
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Let’s imagine…
RELAPSERELAPSEWhen people with addiction slip
up, they have to head back to T&R T&R and try again. This can happen several times before people get
better.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
• Make promises you can keep.• Be where you are supposed to be, when you
are supposed to be there.• Be consistent and fair with rules and
consequences.• Trust yourself to make decisions for your
children.• Trust others and seek help
when you don’t know what to do.
Breaking the Don’t Trust Rule
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
The 7 C’s
• I didn’t CAUSE it. Another person’s addiction can never be a kid’s fault.
• I can’t CONTROL it. They choose to use or not to use.
• I can’t CURE it. It’s a disease and can come back but people do get better.
BUT,
• I can help take CARE of myself. My #1 job is to be a kid!
• I can make healthy CHOICES by choosing not to use drugs or alcohol.
• I can COMMUNICATE my feelings by talking, drawing, and writing.
• I can CELEBRATE myself. I am special!
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
• ALL FEELINGS ARE OK!!• Be aware of your own feelings
and let them out.• Do model your feelings
appropriately .• Avoid yelling and other
displays of violence.• Guilt and Shame- allowing
your child to manipulate your actions.
Breaking the Don’t Feel Rule
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
The capacity to spring back, rebound, The capacity to spring back, rebound, successfully adapt in the face of adversity, successfully adapt in the face of adversity,
and develop social competence and develop social competence despitedespite exposure to stress.exposure to stress.
ResilienceResilience
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Resilient children possess the following traits…
Werner, E.E. & Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from childhood to midlife: Risk, resilience, and recovery. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press.
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
• Positive self-esteem
• Self-discipline
• Resistance to negative messages
• Ability to separate
AutonomyAutonomy
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
• Flexible
• Sensitive to others
• Effective communication skills
• Sense of humor
• Tolerance of others
Social CompetenceSocial Competence
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Problem Solving SkillsProblem Solving Skills
• Resourcefulness
• Initiative
• Planning skills
• Generates alternatives
• Uses imagination
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Sense of Purpose and FutureSense of Purpose and Future• Goal-oriented
• Hopefulness
• Looks forward to the future
• Persistent
• Educational aspirations
• Faith/spirituality
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
Caring and Support
High Expectations
Active ParticipationWerner, E.E. & Smith, R.S. (2001). Journeys from childhood to midlife: Risk, resilience,
and recovery. Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press.
Protective Factors
3420 Executive Center Drive, Suite G100, Austin, Texas 78731 • 512-697-8600 • 800-373-2081 • austinrecovery.org
ResourcesKids Camp at the Council
(281)200-9299; [email protected]
Five Star Kids in the Dallas area
972-751-0363; fivestarkids.org
National Association for Children of Alcoholics
www.nacoa.org
Elizabeth Devine, M.Ed., LPC-S
Director of Treatment Services for Austin Recovery
512-697-8600