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Elegance Flawless Personalities issue 3 - Celebrate Fatherhood
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INSPIRING FATHERS
CELEBRATE FATHERHOOD
FREE 2014 World Cup Poster Inside
2
Contents June 2014
17 Love’s Journey—Advice
column written by Kingsley Aduma-Agyapong
(Chairman of the Ghanaian Transportation Associa-
tion UK) 20
Celebrating Fatherhood
07
Cover Story: INSPIRING FATHERS
10
2014 FIFA WORLD CUP
24
A PAPA’S ROLE— focuses on the role of
the father
06
A PASTOR’S TALE— rejected by his father but
not God 15
3
June2014
EDITORIAL & DESIGN
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A PERSONAL WEL-
COME from Editor of Elegance
04
In praise of fatherhood 18
Remembered after
23years
08
AKWAABA Summer: Lets Welcome the
Sun with latest styles from Ghana 19
Single & Selfish Se-
ries
16
A Dad's
Love 26
4
AAA PERSONAL
WELCOME T
hank you for your support and being part of Ele-
gance Flawless Personalities family. I will like
to take the opportunity to say Happy Father’
s Day to all our male readers. I decided to
dedicate this issue of Elegance to our fathers because I
believe they are not celebrated enough. Fathers are the
back bone of the family, without them the house be-
comes chaotic and with them there is some equilibrium.
Growing up, I never really knew my father because; I
lived with my aunty and her husband in Ghana. When
my biological dad came into my life, he proved to be a
concerned father, didn’t ask much of me. At the begin-
ning, we both struggled with communication, under-
standing each other and working on the ‘father –
daughter’ relationship. My father’s passion for God I
believe stopped him from getting to spend time with me
because we were constantly at church and if he wasn’t
at church he would be dealing with church activities. I
felt at times that my father did not know me. My father
did not give up on our relationship, he tried his best to
get to know me and it seems I was the one shutting him
out of my life because I was emotionally upset with
both my parents for leaving me in Ghana. After several
months of intense counselling, I confronted both my
parents about my pain and I forgave them because
they had been carrying the guilt for over 12 years and I
was carrying the painful memories. My father since
then became a part of my life, I remember when I was
going through my rebellion stage, I felt confused and
depressed, I used to spend almost every weekend out
of the house partying and clubbing but my father was
there. He was the one who will say the right words. My
mum played her role as a concerned mother but my
father listened and understood what I was going
through.
My dad has played an influential part in my growing up
and I am glad he never gave up on trying to build a re-
lationship with me. Now I am married to a man who has
similar qualities that my father has. John my darling,
always puts me first despite all the challenges we en-
countered. The reason why I am proud of you is be-
cause, there are nights when I will sleep like a log and
you will wake up and take care of our kids without wak-
ing me. There are times you give me a day off when
you are the one who needs time to rest.
I dedicate this issue to all my fathers; Pastor Sly, Pas-
tor Kingsley, Pastor Maxwell & Pastor Michael for their
impact in my life and above all to my lover, friend and
heartbeat John Frempong, I say thank you for loving
me and being a hands on dad.
To those who think, because they don’t have children
so aren't fathers, I say you are a father as long as you
have someone looking up to you. HAPPY FATHER’S
Mrs. Rita Antwi-Frempong
5
FATHER’S DAY POEM
6
F atherhood is something that builds nations. There is a sociology state-ment that goes “the smallest unite
in the society is a family”, the family con-sists of a mother, father and children (despite how the world has decided to change it). A father’s role is an essential key in the family and society.
A father’s role in the family differs from the mother’s, its first being a husband and then when the child/children arrive(s) then it changes to being a parent. It seems obvi-ous but many abandon the work of father-hood for the mothers. They have left the role and now absentees. Therefore for this reason, I will break the role down from be-ing a parent to being a guardian. To every man whether you have had the chance to be a father or not, as long as you have tak-en the responsibility to be a Guardian, God parent or Uncle then you are a father.
The father should aspire to be a role model, a mentor and a permanent influence in their child’s life from infant to adulthood. In the Black community, it has become very difficult for the father to relate to their child especially the male ones. We have left the duties to the women where as they are un-able to actually influence or impact our sons because the woman does not experi-ence men issues growing up. Therefore, they are unable to explain male issues to their sons. When the father is unsure of his duties, it leaves the children confused and
their questions unanswered. We need to tell our children who are born in the UK, our heritage so they are made aware of their background because the fear of not knowing who
they are can cause them to misbehave and we as fathers think they are rebelling.
Secondly, a father is a Prophet and Priest; as the head of the family, you minister to your family (wife and children). In the scrip-tures, Paul sent a letters to Timothy and he encouraged him to be first a minister who is
able to man-age, organise and take care of his home. A pastor or a church leader ought to take responsibility for their chil-dren before they can take on the duties of leading the church. Your first ministry is
your family not the church. You need to shield your family spiritually through pray-ers, I am the last one in my family to go to bed, I make sure I lay hands on my wife and all my children and pray over them. I inter-cede on behave of my children through prayers.
Thirdly, a father is a protector; there are so many challenges so the father needs to have a protective nature. Being protec-tive doesn’t mean you have to be over bearing and an over protector especially on your girls because if you are too pro-tective you will hinder them from meet-ing and getting married to the right man. As fathers we show our love through our protective attitude, always being con-cerned. A father will face every adver-sary and become a shield of defence for the family.
Fourthly, as a father you offer your children a pattern of life. It is true that if a father drinks or smoke or cheats on his wife, his children copy these attitudes. Jesus has laid the pattern for us; he said whatever I see
the father does I do. All those good deeds we expect our kids to do, we should first do it.
Fifth role of the father is a pillar; the pur-pose of any pillar in the foundation of a building is to hold the together the build-ing. Therefore as fathers we hold the family together, the foundations of our children is all up of us. If you are a lov-ing, devoted and kind father at you, you become everything your child wants to be. If your child fails at something or is unable to achieve a goal, rather than condemning the child you will be the one who lifts and encourages the child. As the pillar you should aspire to be the one who knows ex-actly what to say to comfort your children when they need you.
The sixth role is a peer: If you do your best to relate with your children, they would in return trust you enough to communicate with you when ever and where ever. When there is communication between both par-ent and child both are able to tap into a wealth of knowledge and both are able to learn from each other. Being a peer to your
child breaks barriers and enforces trust.
My papa is my guardian, my example and he is prophet and friend above all he is my Father.
Written by Pastor Johnson Ocansay
I am a
FATHER
7
ELEGANCE CELEBRATES FATHERHOOD COVER STORY
F ather’s day has become the worst celebrated event in the calendar year. 45% people would not even know its father’s day (including fathers). It is said that less 5% would actually remember the day, 20% would choose to ignore the day, 10% would call and wish a father
(usually their own father or pastor) a Happy Father’s day and the remaining 15% would have no father to call on the day. So then why has this event become a social burden rather than a social celebration?
It seems that father’s day is being forced on the world whiles mother’s day is one of the most popular event celebrated worldwide. Over 65% of people would call a mother either biological or non-biological and wish them a Happy Mother’s Day.
I believe there is one main reason why, mothers have recognised their place in the lives of their children and therefore they have given them-selves a platform to proclaim their importance. Whereas men cannot identify their importance in the family so they seem to have fallen off the platform.
It has become difficult for the men who are actually getting it right in their marriages, their homes and their society to be accepted for their hard work. The place where these deserving fathers are found are in our churches, but the church has ignored them and left them without a voice.
It is up to the women who are married to the few good men to celebrate them, not secretly but openly because it is through that that the men can gain their confidence, self-wealth and identity in the family. For I tell you this, the roles of the mother and the father are so varied and one person cannot take on the responsibilities of both. If we wish the best for our men then let’s create a platform and celebrate them starting from today.
Elegance Celebrates
our Spiritual Dads
8
Mr Jay Ebuzeme & Family
W ell father-hood is
something that every man aspires to be. When we got married in 1990 we planned to have children and ever since we tried having kids. Now after 2years it appeared that all the efforts had not being fruit-ful but the marriage wasn’t shak-en. We drew inspiration from the scriptures that said “and we shall be fruitful”. We believed the word and kept trying; to be truthful the trail period was 23years long be-fore the promise of God came into fruition. The good thing is that our faith in God and love for each other never weighed. Instead it multiplied and became intensified.
I remember moments when we go to prayer meetings and my wife will bold-ly say ‘my womb must carry’.
Time went on and on then in 2012, when we went to the hospital for check-up, we were amazed and gobsmacked when the nurse who attended to us confirmed that my wife was pregnant and was carrying two babies.
She then asked if we wanted to know the sex of the babies, we looked at each other and said ‘yes please!’ in excite-ment.
Our faith was so great we went
ahead and bought baby clothes
and essentials for the arrival of
our children although my wife
was not pregnant.
REMEMBERED after
23 Years
9
We were over whelmed when she said two boys. My wife at this point had exploded in tears and I tried to control the shock, excitement and relieve and fought to control the tears whiles holding my wife tight and comforting her. My emotion had won I found myself emotional as well so I encouraged my wife by speaking encouraging words to her. Now the reason why we were so shocked and emotional at the news was because this testimony was against earlier diagnosis given by the doctors.
In 2008 my beloved wife was diagnosed with Breast can-cer and after an aggressive treatment of Chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
This is because the treatment had damaged her repro-ductive system but we believed the God we served and we trusted in his unfailing love.
I am a confirmation that God has brought his words to performance. Today, I’m a happy to announce that I am a proud father of two beautiful boys Bishop Isaac and Prophet Samuel. I was very anxious to see them for the first time; the doctors who attended to my wife were very favourable to her. I was allowed into the the-atre cos the delivery was emergency C-section.
The doctors did not want her to suffer the pains of la-bour so they advised us that the best and safest way for all three would be C-Section. Whiles I sat in the thea-tre, my heart was pounding so fast, my mind was filled
with anxiety and I prayed like never before believing that my God will save all three and no complications will come afterwards.
For the first time I was called Dad by the hospital staff and when I was called to cut the umbilical cord, I looked at both of my boys and as a proud dad and hus-band I cut the cord with delight, joy and confidence. By God’s grace and favour my wife is well and the boys are growing in excellent health. To God be the glory!
We were told by the
doctors to forget the
idea of ever having a
baby.
Elegance Testimony—True Story
10
I can positively say, been a father has really had
no benefits. Rather the difference between a
father and non-father if we can put it that way
is the joy and responsibilities that comes without.
Fatherhood has put a lot of things in my life in per-
spective, whereas I used to think for myself now I
have a whole family to cater for, making sure every-
thing is in order and the right decisions are made. I
take such delights in seeing my girls accomplish the
little obstacles of walking, talking, socialising and
finding their identities. I think fathers do not expect a
reward but a small acknowledgement from spouse and
older children can go a long way to boost their ego.
Fatherhood is a selfless occupation with its rewards
reaped at old age.
Inspiring fathers
Mr. Rocky David Asante
I am a father of two boys and I
love them both. When the
oldest was born, I was quite
young and unprepared; eve-
rything was a new experience for both
my girlfriend and me. Everything from
the pregnancy to the birth was a new
experience. I cherished Pearl my wife
so I decided to marry her before the
baby was born so I can share the good
and the bad moments with her. Alt-
hough we didn’t get the chance to be
married first before having a baby, I
believe this was how God intended for
my wife and I to become mature and
get married. I was there in the deliv-
ery room when my sons were born
and I can honestly say, it was an emo-
tional, heartfelt and joyful experience.
I remember kissing Pearl so hard on
the cheeks for it was an awesome
feeling to know that a part of you is in the world. Children are
certainly a gift from God so it is my duty to influence them in
the fear of God so they can positively impact their society and
generation. I believe having these boys at a young age is posi-
tive because, there is a wise say that goes “as the children
gets older, the father gets wiser”. Now I am able to play,
spend time and be there for
my boys. I will say, my
relationship with my
wife Pearl has a huge
impact on how these
boys live, as they see
the way I show their
mother love, respect
and appreciation and
vice versa, they learn
from it. They also see
that we are both devot-
ed Christians and we try
our best to live accord-
ing to the Christian
faith.
My advice to the young
boys out there is that
being a father is not
easy and it takes cour-
age and confidence for a young man to accept his faults. So
when you are in such a situation, accept your responsibility for
the child and if you cherish the girl make a wife out of her. For
whoever finds a wife has found a good thing and will definitely
obtain favour from the Most High father. It is a beautiful thing
to have children and to be called a father. My children and wife
motivate me, they give me the ambition to keep going.
Mr. Kwame Saahene Frimpong
11
Inspiring fathers
B eing a father to me is an adventure because you never know what to expect and how things will turn out. It is awesome, amazing, beautiful and a humbling experience. My wife and I after marriage decid-ed to wait for a year before having a baby as we did not want to rush things. So when we both discovered that she was 3 months pregnant, I was overwhelmed, excited and anxious all at the same time. I can hon-estly say I wasn’t sure what we were about to experience. When my wife was due and we were at the hospital, I felt helpless but all I could give my wife was my undivided attention and support. I couldn’t wait to see my baby and hold her because I realised that she was about to turn my life around. A wise man once said to me that every child brings into the world their own blessings for their parents and themselves.
I can confidently say Adrianna has impacted my life positively, she teaches me new things every moment. I am blessed, grateful, and ap-preciative and delighted to be a father. I have a four months son and I believe what he gave me was self-confidence, self-worth and self-appreciation. I believe God has blessed me and for that I will forever be grateful and admire every moment I spend in the presence of my wife and kids.
To all the young men coming up, make sure you plan out your life the way you want and work towards achieving the plans eve-ryday. The best advice I was given as a young man was “if you don’t plan your day, someone will certainly plan it for you.” I will tell you this, if you don’t plan your life and give yourself a vision, then you will die easily, because your life vision is what drives you every day and every where.
Mr. John Antwi-Frempong
Mr Richard Boateng
T o me being a fa-ther is a great achievement, not only does it make
you responsible but also let you appreciate the miracle of child birth and bringing a child into this world. I can recollect all the births of my children because I was there right by my wife’s side in the ward when both of them were born. To me I was more concerned about the wellbeing of my wife be-cause, I saw her in so much pain, distress and discomfort. I knew I couldn’t help and all I could think about was for the doctors to suc-cessfully get the baby out. Seeing my wife go through such pains before and after the birth
really has given me a huge level of re-spect to her. I be-lieve this experi-ence has certainly given me a person-al love for all of my family. I love them all equally.
I will advise any young person who wants to be a fa-ther to first pre-pare themselves psychologically be-fore embarking on the fatherhood
journey. It is a tough, life transforming process so if you are not ready do not embark on it. Remember that there is a difference between being a father and just having kids. So wait be-fore starting the ‘ball game’.
12
Elegance Inspirational Fathers
Inspiring fathers
A father is responsible and the very mention of the word father comes with responsibilities. It always echoes that you have to be mature, that is why employers will proud-
ly offer a job to a father rather than a single man because fathers are always assumed to be matured. I put this question to men, if you are expecting your family to reach a certain level but they are strug-gling. My question to you dear father is where is your current posi-tion now? As a father you are the driving force behind your family so they won’t move without you pushing them.
You cannot give what you don’t have. As you’re busy looking for qualities from your family you must first look for the qualities in-side of you. For it takes maturity, responsibility and endurance to be a man. I believe to be matured has to do with wisdom. The Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Once maturity comes you have the ability to accomplish all you need. Catering, providing and being all comes in the fear of the Lord.
To young men I say, love comes when we fear God and we become
obedient. Marriage is not a contract; you don’t look at what your
partner is doing before you play your role as a father in the home.
For in a contract you are obligated to perform your duties accord-
ingly but marriage is not like that. If you get the marriage right,
the fatherhood aspects becomes easy. Always remember that mar-
riage doesn’t depend on the children but the children depend
on the marriage. So when you and your wife get it right, your
children will be right.
Mr. Amoakoh
I am very proud and thankful to be a father
and to be called father. When I saw my kids, I
was very grateful that they were healthy and
I had deep respect for my wife after all she
went through. You see I was there for the birth of
all my children. You know what, you come to re-
spect, appreciate and have deep affection for your
wife after seeing her go through such a vulnerable
state from pregnancy to labour to birth. That peri-
od can either make or break the woman but I be-
lieve it takes a strong woman to stand.
For this reason, I believe I should share all the var-
ious aspects of childcare with her. The good and the
bad, when my wife needs rest, I put the baby on my
back like she does. I believe helping her I release
tension. I have noticed that this society doesn’t give
the man a chance to do this as most of the women
need rest and are tired, frustrated and emotionally
broken.
My advice to young men is first of all go into the
marriage by cherishing the woman and the love
has to be agape love. Love not only for the pretti-
ness but for the complete package. It has to be the
full package of character, personality and love because if you rush, you rush your future and if you delay un-
necessarily you waste your future and the lady’s time. Secondly, remember Patience is a key to being a father
so know your responsibilities in the relationship because a child could arise from it. Just do your best! If you
are not sure don’t get into marriage.
Mr. Anthony Kudjoe
13
I was there for the birth of
both of my boys, it was then
I realised that I was a father.
There was a strange love
that came out of me and I felt I had
to protect them. I realised the
weight and responsibility. Before
marriage I was extremely inde-
pendent, I had no pressure or spe-
cific needs. I could do everything I
wanted at my own time. Then I
married and my entire outlook on
life changed. I had to put her
needs first . So when my first son
came he become my main priority
and required all my attention. As a
baby he was innocent, vulnerable,
and helpless.
I felt challenged to support my
wife to feed, clean and be respon-
sible towards him. The main challenges were: 1. Protect him -
he didn’t have the words to speak so I had to be his voice.
Protect him from harm. 2. Provide -to make sure I had to give
him everything. He gave me a sense of pride and self-worth.
As they grew up they needed me but I realised that the needs
were different. When they became teenagers our relationship
changed, I tried to understand what they were going through. I
had to change because
they were at a stage
where they had lots of
questions and opinions.
The protection they
needed was from nega-
tive things and people
that hinder their ability
to develop their God
given potential, their
intelligence and their
identity.
Each parent plays a dif-
ferent role, my approach
is to always appeal to
their reason rather than
their emotions. In every
situation, I always get them to rationalise their actions.
My advice to young fathers is to be your best and try to
model Christ to their children, promote God’s character
at home. Children are moved by the examples they can
see. How you relate to their mother is also an example. They
pick on that as not being genuine. Fatherhood is not easy so
try and add the Holy Spirit and God who is our father will help
you to be successful. Secondly, you make many mistakes as a
father but when your heart is right it becomes clear. Don’t be
discouraged when you make mistakes .
Dr. Bernard Davis
When we left the hospi-
tal and came home; one
thing became true, that
my nights were no long-
er mine.
I t is a
joyful moment to be a fa-
ther especially for the very
first time. It makes you feel
a man and matured but there are
enormous responsibilities that
goes with it.
The bible says in Proverbs 22:6
that "Train up a child in the way
he should go and when he is old
he will not depart from it." In that
case as a father, you are your
child's No. 1 role model so we
should know what our children
expects of us. God has given
them to us as custodians to nur-
ture, train, direct and support to
enable God's gift, will and pur-
pose manifest in their lives.
CHALLENGES: Some of the major challenges as a fa-
ther are;
1) How to acquire Wisdom,
Knowledge, Ability and Patience
that will enable a father to han-
dle and deal with his children as
they grow up in stages into
adulthood.
2) In a home where the wife
does not respect the husband.
This situation breaks down the
amount of authority the father
has over the children.
I am so delighted to be a father
and as we celebrate Father's
Day, I wish all men "Happy Fa-
thers Day" and may The Lord
grant all fathers Wisdom and
Knowledge to bring up their chil-
dren in a manner that will help them to achieve their
dreams in life.
Mr F. Gyapong Yeboah
Elegance Inspirational Fathers
14
B eing engaged and hoping to be a father
is exciting, scary, the unknown always
makes you concern. The concern is not
knowing how your kids will turn out,
but if you will be a good parent. My fiancée and I
don’t have any kids but she has a boy that I had
adapted as my son, I truly love him, I cherish him
and he has accepted me as his father. The truth is
that the whole situation makes me feel matured
because, I get to experience being a parent even
before I have my own biological children. Being a
father definitely changes your life but it does posi-
tively. When I was single, I was a free ranger and
I could spend money aimlessly but now, I am al-
ways thinking of my adapted son and what he
would need. I used to go shopping and head
straight to my section but now when I go shop-
ping I want to first look through the boys section
before anything else. I am now financially aware
always wishing to spend on my son rather than
splash the money aimlessly.
For young singles out there, it is a life changing
experience to be a father. If you love someone
and she comes with a child or children, do your best to ac-
cept the child/children and don’t rule the lady out just be-
cause she has a child. If you want your freedom it is not easy
because once you have a woman with kids you devote all
your attention to them and it is rewarding and satisfying.
I feel proud to be in my adapted son’s life because I love his
mother and I cherish him although he is not my biological
son. He makes me feel pride, have a real sense of achieve-
ment and self-worth.
Mr Richard Obeng-Ampaw Elegance Inspirational Fathers
T he benefits, joy, and satisfaction to me as a
father is being involved in raising the children
(biological, social and spiritual) has entrusted to me by
providing love, support, guidance , direction and helping
them to determine their life and career choices.
My role as a father has different outlets – a role model,
teacher, mentor, coach and priest to help my children to
learn, understand and apply values and beliefs as Chris-
tian) in solving problems they may encounter. It also pro-
vides them with physical and emotional security.
For me my parenting skills has impacted on my career and I
will urge fathers to see their family as their first occupation
(no wages though). Once we recognize this we can easily
transfer the skills and qualities within the family setting as a
father to the work place.
Being a father has its challenges – generational (culture and
age) differences, constant technological changes typical exam-
ple being easy accessibility to social media. There are also is-
sues of discipline and setting boundaries. I believe that as fa-
ther I have a duty to explain my action and decisions.
It is a joy to see our children having the capacity to make in-
dependent and informed choices. Fathers remember that what
we teach our children provides a moral compass to guide
them when they face difficult moral choices.
Deacon Kwaku Okyere Asamoah (Trinity
Baptist Church)
15
Elegance Inspirational Fathers Elegance Inspirational Fathers
TALE PASTOR’S
A
Can you please define fatherhood?
Where do I start, I am privileged to be
a biological father and a spiritual
father to many. Being a father is not
just reliant on you having kinds but
being a father is much more than
that. When you are able to take on
the responsibilities of your other chil-
dren and you become a role model
then you are a father. A father is
someone who seeks to bring peace
and tranquillity into the home. You
are the mood temperature you should
know when to keep fighting and
when to give in. You provide for the
family regardless of what you have,
try your best to always deliver some-
thing so your family and others
may benefit from your provision.
Tell us a bit about your background
before you become a Pastor?
Well for me I grew up without a fa-
ther. I was raised by my mother who
struggled to make ends meet. I per-
sonally took the initiative to seek for
my father in the city of Kumasi. He
was at that time a police office and
had married again. When I arrived
in my father’s home, I was not wel-
comed by my step mother, she felt
threatened by me so she refused to
allow my dad to send me to school
like the rest of her children. I did not
get that privilege to complete school
but I was determined to be with my
father so I humbled myself under his
authority and I worked so hard. I be-
came the house slave; in order for me
to have diner, I have to pound fufu
for all the women in the household.
When my step siblings were gone to
school, I would clean their rooms,
change their beds and get the house
in order for all the family. I never
complained because I was living with
my father. My father refused to ac-
cept me and take me to school, in-
stead he intro-
duced me to a
bus driver so I
can be a
‘trotro mate’
collecting
money from
the passengers
who board the
mini bus.
From this cru-
elty I decided
that once I get
married my
wife and kids
will be my
main priority
and I will give
them all they
want from
this world.
When I met
my wife, she
had the oppo-
site of what I
had, her father
was very much involved in her life
and her father cherished her so much.
I was very shocked and impressed
with her family so I accepted her
family as mine. The love I experience
from my wife’s family I have passed
it on to my children.
I owe all that I am and have to God
and my wife for without them I
would not be here today. God called
me when I was confused and alone
and my wife, my sweetheart maame
came into my life to help me fulfil
what God said about me. My chil-
dren are truly everything I wanted
from God and yes we have our bad
times but the good ones outweighs
the bad one.
Although my father did not accept
me, I accepted him and always tried
to do the right thing by God and
him. My dad failed as a father for
me but I didn’t fail him, I tried my
best to be there for him every time.
When he died I was the one who was
called to bury him.
What advice would you give young
men?
Young men of today need to learn
how to be humble and patient. Hum-
ble yourself and take your time
through life. Remember life is a jour-
ney and that journey is all about
memories so if you rush it you may
not get the time to enjoy those memo-
rable moments. Make God your pri-
ority just as Joseph and God will take
you further.
PASTOR SILVESTER ASANTE
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Elegance Inspirational Fathers TALE PASTOR’S A
What is your definition of fatherhood?
I think for me it is a new experience. When I got married, it was just the two of us, my wife and I both loved spending time outside and enjoying each other’s company. The two of us would pray, laugh and do things together as a couple without any fuss. Then we had our first child we were able to manage and still find time to do things we both loved. We have three children now and all we do now has to be planned around them. When we are going out it seems the entire house is coming with us.
Fatherhood is all about being there for the children so they can fulfil their God given destinies. We are called as fathers to be priest and kings of our home. As a priest, I pray, medi-tate and show them the way they ought to follow in God.
As a King, we need to provide, cater, listen and keep our home well and in order so the family can feel comfortable.
As a prophet – we are to help our children to discover their talents so my role is to bring them up so they can discover that destiny and finds ways to make the destinies a reality. The Bible says train up the child in the right way so they don’t depart from it. If you don’t start them off rooted in the word and love of God, then they lose their foundation.
When these children discover who they are in God, they dis-cover what their true purpose in life is, and they are able to
achieve their goals. As African fathers we are rigid because we were brought up like that. We turn to force our culture on them and that can come a big issue.
What have been your challenges?
The key challenge we faced as working parents was finding a balance between working and taking care of the children. Something had got to give so we decided that one of us had to give up their job so we can concentrate on the catering of the children. I offered to do so but my wife insisted that she takes that responsibility, but I have not allowed her to take the entire role by herself. I am in debt to my wife for what she did for our kids, I will always be grateful to her.
What advice would you give young men?
I believe and practice the theory that my wife is my help ma-te so it is not her responsibility to serve me but we serve each other. The Bible says out of Adam the woman was cre-ated, the woman’s responsibility is to help me achieve my visions, dreams and aspirations. In some homes the woman is being treated as a slave, they have to do everything and more. The man on the other had does not lift a finger. So to the young men coming please do not see rigid love as the true love. Research the concept of ‘help mate’ and introduce that into your life. You will know that the woman will willing-ly serve you.
Pastor Samuel Narh
Elegance Romance — Singles & Married
COMMITMENT
B eing single is an adventurously stage. I believe God takes us through this stage so we can explore and learn. This is not the stage you commit; as a matter of fact society does not expect you to commit to anything. You are obligated to not commit to relationships, employers or even your parents. The reason is because you are still discov-ering yourself as a person. Committing to someone or some-thing will only end up hurting your emotion.
When my friends and I were in college, we used to say when we get to university and we meet someone we will do our best to stay with that person and marry them. This notion was very wrong because we were in our prime as singles when we were at university. So why the rush to commit in such a hurry after all we had the rest of our lives to think about this. When I got to university, all I wanted to do was to live and be free. My friends from college were dispersed
across the UK (one in Scotland and the other in Middlesex).
I was one who loved dancing, getting dressed and having a
nice time on Friday nights. So on one faithful Friday my new
friends and I decided to travel to Brunel to party. The party
was wild and so were the boys, I left the scene when I met a
normal guy outside. We ended up chatting and getting to
know each other. I thought this is it; I have met the guy so I
called my friends in Scotland and Middlesex. They were
pleased for me, but little did I know committing when you
are single is a mistake. I gave this boy my attention, my heart
and my money all because we were in a relationship. Funny
how things turned around, it appeared he had met me inside
and only wanted to get my number so he could brag to his
friends but when he got close he realised I was a good girl
who was naïve and gullible so he took the greatest ad-
vantage. Committing too soon will only hurt you so don’t
rush it let him/her go and see what the future hold. Don’t
commit your money as well as your heart for he will not give
a toss when he breaks your heart.
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LOVE’S JOURNEY
Elegance Romance — Singles & Married
COMMITMENT
CHART
T here is a deep joy in getting mar-ried, being married and staying
married. The Love’s journey is a se-ries to help prepare you for marriage, or if your marriage is on the rocks and it’s shady, you can start over.
We are about to get married but we are constantly at each other’s throat. We are married but we find ourselves always fighting and abusing each oth-er with words. The love is gone out of the marriage; we are now pretending to make others believe that our mar-riage has foundational roots.
The man says “she is supposed to be the woman, she needs to take care of the house, cook me diner, make the bed, clean the bathroom plus take care of the children. My job is to work and bring the money. She needs to also contribute financially to the home as I cannot take on the responsi-bility.”
The woman response, “I feel like the
maid, I am over worked and always tired. I hardly get 10minutes to sit and read or relax. Too much is expected of me and very little help is given. The children’s child benefit is what he wants me to use to support the home, always arguing about money and never being there for me as a hus-band. He doesn’t show me love or concern”.
If this is your story, then I would like to say to you fear not, there is a way to resolve the issues. The star above will be our guide and our focal point.
Can I ask you, how much do you val-ue your wife? How much do you val-ue your husband?
VALUE:
How much you value something will depend on how much time you invest and spend with it. When you first bought your car, all you wanted to do was keep it clean, you wanted to polish it so people would see its
wealth. When you sit behind the wheel you feel proud, confident and above all you demand respect from others. Why do you place a high level of value on material things and not on the woman or man you have chosen to commit and give your heart to.
To value simply means to put a price on something. Your pattern is price-less so treat him / her as such. If you value your wife nothing can distract your attention. If you value your hus-band you will make him aware of every action you take.
When you value your wife/husband, you will not deliberately want to hurt her/him, as a matter of fact, you would want to give her/him more and do more for her. I am asking you reader to think on how much you val-ue your partner?
We will dwell deeper into this this in the next series so watch out and grab your copy!!!
Mr. Kingsley A Agyapong
(Chairman of Ghanaian Transport
Workers Association UK)
18
In Praise of Fatherhood Elegance Article—Celebrating Fatherhood
Life in today’s world is life in a
war zone, and too many fa-
thers are unwilling to be called
up—to be soldiers, twenty-four
hours a day, on their own
home front.
By Johann Christoph Arnold
Research by Elder Chris Vondee
Why does it seem easier to write a positive article about mothers than about fathers? May the time come when this is reversed!
One of the oldest pieces of advice for families is the Fifth Command-ment of Moses: "Honour your father and your mother," which continues, "that your days may be long in the land..." This is the only one of the Ten Commandments that includes a blessing and a promise. And we know it is not an empty one: when-ever and wherever families are knit together by mutual love, honour, and respect, things go well for them.
When God created the earth, he created the man (father) first and then the woman (mother) as his helpmate. When a family is formed and children are brought into the world, their emotional stability de-pends on the father's recognition of this divine order. He bears the main responsibility for the atmosphere and well-being of his family.
The greatest gift a child can have is a father who loves and respects the mother and does not tolerate diso-bedience or disrespect on the part of their children. In our confused society, children need this living ex-ample of a true husband and father.
"Don't worry that your children nev-er listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you." —Robert Ful-ghum
The primary goal of education should never be to make our sons smart and successful in the eyes of the world. Rather, we should teach them to become good husbands and fathers—a calling the great Cuban poet José Martí once called "the greatest aim in education." Young
men who be-come true fathers will influ-ence and change the lives of countless people, because true fatherhood does not only mean being a father to one's own children. We can be fathers to all children around us, es-pecially to those who grow up in single parent homes, or those whose fathers are in some way ab-sent from their day-to-day lives.
Unbelievable as it seems, more than half of the world's children are esti-mated to spend at least part of their childhood without a father in the home. Never before have so many men abandoned their wives and children. Because of this, father-hood is actually a duty that ought to be entrusted to every male, wheth-er or not he has children of his own.
I have been married almost forty years now, and my wife and I have eight children. Looking back, I can see many times when I was not a good father, even though I always wanted to be one. Having grandchil-dren and being in contact with many other children gives me a chance now to make up for lost time.
Children hunger for masculine role models whom they can trust and admire. And humility and love go a long way toward earning admira-tion. A good father is willing to make mistakes, to learn from them, and even apologize for them; his aim is never to prove himself, but to make life a little more joyful for everyone with whom he comes into contact.
Perhaps the biggest problem with today's fathers is that they are afraid to be real men. By "real" I do not mean macho. To me, a true fa-ther has something of a mother in him—something tender. He will also be selfless, focused, ready to pro-vide leadership, and eager to go to bat for those in his care. Think of the problems that could be solved if men gave as much love and time to their wives and children as they do to following sports, or watching TV?
As in any war, there will be casual-ties. But the greatest gift a father can give his family is the knowledge that he is there for them, unafraid, and ready to exert all he has for their sakes, physically, mentally, and spiritually, at any time of the day or night.
Let us encourage one another to be-come true fathers again. We live in an age when fear seems to domi-nate every relationship. With the ongoing conflict in Iraq, the global "war on terror," and the general in-crease of fear and insecurity, true fathers are needed more than ever. Our world is so full of loneliness and isolation, crime and mental illness. Why can't we fathers do more to provide beacons of light and stabil-ity and hope? Wherever there are true fathers, they should be con-gratulated. Wherever there are men who long to be true fathers but have not quite achieved it, they need to be encouraged, because even if fatherhood is becoming a lost art, it can be rediscovered.
19
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Style
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22
WARNING TO ALL WOMEN
The Fifa World Cup is close by, so let me give
you a few rules that will help us during the
months of June and July:
1. The remote control belongs to me for the
whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to give birth or
wed on any of the days during the World Cup
because we won't go!
3. You support the teams that I support.
4. No talking during the game, wait for half-
time or end of the game.
5. Repeats and highlights are as good as the
main match, so I'm gonna watch them too.
6. We can see movies/home videos provided
actors and actresses are wearing soccer
jerseys and they are in Brazil.
7. You don't just pass in front of the TV if
am watching any match, you better freeze
where you are or crawl on the floor.
8. Make sure you don't ask silly questions
such as; "is this Chelsea versus England?"
9. No funny faces to my friends when they
come to watch a match with me.
10. Smile every time EXCEPT when my team
is losing, OR ELSE!!!
You are Warned!
Jointly signed by
Husbands and Boyfriends
Elegance Sports
2014 Brazil FIFA World Cup
Get, Set, Match
It’s that time of the year when we suddenly become very
patriotic. Our home, our cars and even bicycles become
covered with flags of our nations.
This is the time when believer and non-believer become
very spiritual because everyone wants their national
team to win. We call on God to give the boys on the field
strength to score goals and we watch in amazement
when our prayers become answered during a penalty or
free kick.
This is the time we become commentators and coaches
at the same time. We yell at the TV set as if the boys on
the field in Brazil will hear our strategic coaching styles
and commentary advice.
Sports especially World Cups have a way of drawing the
world to a stand still where everyone focuses on nothing
else except the games and the scores. We root in excite-
ment for the people of Brazil to get these games right
and to have the world talking positively about them.
For me I will definitely be glued to my TV screen when
the African teams are playing especially the Black Stars
from Ghana. I expect more from them and I wish they
would at least get to semi finals and if they meet Ger-
many we will recover what they stole from us 4 years
ago.
To all the nations going to be represented I say good
luck but to my national team I say “ NO MERCY”!
Boy bring home the cup so we can also spend some of
Fifa’s millions after all there are orphanages to be built,
hospitals and schools to be put up so get it done and
get it right. GHANA
OOOOO!
We are behind
you 100%. WE
WILL CERTINLY
BE WATCH-
ING!!!!!
Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea
Charity Team—raised over £200 for charity
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24
SIMPLE WORKOUT FOR MEN
Written by: Ms. Eunice adu-appiah
Elegance Health & FitnessElegance Health & FitnessElegance Health & Fitness
Always check with your GP before starting any exercise regime, so get your blood pressure, heart rate, blood glucose, weight, height, waist circum-ference, and check if any long term illness you have might affect you exercising. Key words to keep in mind before starting exer-cise
BREATHE
During exercise, the body uses up and needs more oxygen so it is important to always breathe during workouts to prevent you becom-ing dizzy or faint due to low levels of oxygen in the body and in the brain. At times, take in deep breathes while working out. As well as tak-ing in air through your nose, slightly open your mouth as well to take in a little extra oxygen.
WARM UP Before starting any exercise it is important to warm up to prevent injury. Warm up tells the body to prepare itself for the workout you are about to do. COOL DOWN
Cooling down after your workout helps your muscles and the rest of your body to recover from the stress and strain of the exercise you have just done. Cool down also returns the body to a pre exercise, or pre
workout level
HYDRATE During exercises that are less than 1 hour, sip wa-ter before, during and after workouts to keep you well hydrated. If working out for more than 1 hour, consider sports fluids such as isotonic, hy-potonic or hypertonic drinks. Hypotonic drinks are low in carbohydrates (less than 4g per 100ml) and are made to replace the fluids you lose during exercise.
Isotonic drinks have moderate amount of carbo-hydrate (4g - 8g per 100ml), they help to re-place lost fluids and also replenish your body's carbohydrate stores during a workout. Hypertonic drinks have higher amounts of car-bohydrate (over 8g per 100ml). This means your body will absorb it slowly than plain water but it will give you an increased boost with fueling allowing you to run or workout for longer for better performance. Now your workouts: Only have 15 minutes to spear? Try any or all of these:
If you have 45 minutes to workout, apportion 15 minutes for each section) Warm Up: 5 minutes:
Power walk or a fast march on the spot * Star jumps or jumping jacks
* Butt kicks
Scissors * Walk for 1 minute then sprint on the spot Stretch (improves the muscles flexibility) for 1 minute (count 8 seconds for each stretch) stretch the big muscles first then the smaller ones; therefore start with the
* Hamstring (muscles at the back of the thighs),
Quadriceps (quads) (muscles at the front of the thigh)
* Calves * Hip adductors (muscles on the inside of the thigh) * Glutes (buttock muscles) * Outer thighs * Chest muscles * Back muscles * Sides * Joints * Arms * Shoulders
*Neck Main workout: Strength training circuit: 5
minutes (do some or all, count to 10 for each and increase the pace everyday)
* sit ups * press ups * squats * lunges * dead-lifts * donkey kicks * plank
*glute bridge Cool Down: 3 minutes Don't just stop in the middle of a workout as this can cause blood pooling in the legs, rapid drop of your blood pressure and cause dizziness Slow down your workout with a very gentle jog then down to walking before stopping. Stretch the muscles again during the cool down
stage (for 1 minute). You can also reuse all the stretches that are in warm up stage. Happy working!!!!
GLUTE BRIDGE
SQUAT
HIGH PLANK with knee support
JUMP SQUATS
Eunice’s professional background
is: former nurse, health promotion
Specialist and a Health & Exercise
professional
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Elegance Health & FitnessElegance Health & FitnessElegance Health & Fitness SHOULDER AND TRICEP STRETCH
SIT UPS
CALVES & HAMSTRING STRETCH
INNER THIGH STRETCH QUADS STRETCH CALF STRETCH
LUNGES
DEADLIFTS
PRESS UPS
26
The most im-
portant thing in my life has been my
role as a responsible Dad. As a Dad
one thing I take seriously is supporting
my family and teaching my children to
live the right way as the bible says
"train up a child the way he should go
so when he is old he will not depart".
One of greatest privilege of been a
Dad, is playfully engage with my kids,
especially going out, reading bedtime
and bible stories.
One of the most moving experience as
a Dad has been the maternity ward, a
mixture of two feelings, one, daunting
from the hours leading to delivery and
two, exciting hearing the sound of new
baby. I watched the birth of my boys
and I'm glad I did. Infact I wouldn't
exchange that experience for anything
in the works. The experience made me
respect my wife and mothers for that.
Having a baby ruins one sleep and it
thus change everything about you, a
fundamental truth about parenthood.
As a Dad I have made some mistakes,
yet I hope that I’m always learning
how to be a better father. There are
sometimes that I have been impatient
and tend to raise my voice when the
boys get out of the line and there are
times I forgot to say thank you, when I
asked my son to do something for me
and he will quickly remind me,
"Daddy you didn't say thank you". Re-
cently, when our son Nana loudly rep-
rimand Naasei for failing to share
games on my iPad, the feeling I get
was that he is copying Daddy. That
taught me to change my approach.
One thing I learnt and remember fond-
ly from my late Dad, was the time and
the love he showed to his family. His
children were his first priority and he
did showed up for us on every occa-
sion. Perfectly dressed in suit and tie,
briefcase in hand, he would get in his
car drop my self, my siblings and cous-
ins to school before heading to his of-
fice. He taught me strong moral values
and personal responsibility. He taught
me the value of education. He taught
me how to work and the meaning of
love. His most valuable legacy to me is
love, diligence, thoughtfulness, kind-
ness and the constant reminder that im-
portant things, like family and mar-
riage, take precedence over other
seemingly important things.
Psalms 127:3-5 Behold, children are a
heritage from the LORD, the fruit of
the womb a reward. Like arrows in the
hand of a warrior are the children of
one’s youth. Blessed is the man who
fills his quiver with them! He shall not
be put to shame when he speaks with
his enemies in the gate.
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