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Title

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Editorial Board

Student Editors:Daniel LynchNick Rubino

Student Designers:Kevin GrossKristina MakiEvalyn Armellino

Faculty Advisors & Editors:James BaltrumJohn FlahertyMichael McMahonPaul GaszakAgnieszka Rowsey

egg | “Shipping Out”Robert Morris University Arts & Literary Magazine

(volume 11 - Fall 2011)robertmorris.edu/publications/egg

twitter.com/rmueggFacebook: search “RMU egg”

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Editorial Note IthasbeenaterrificpleasuretooverseethecompletionoftheeleventhvolumeofRMU’sartsandliterarymagazine,egg.Thoughthissentimentwouldundoubtedlybetruewhileworkingonanyofthepreviousvolumes,beinginvolvedinthecreationofthisvolumehasbeenuniquelyrewardingduetothefactunlikeitstenpredecessors“ShippingOut”isthefirstvolumeofeggdedicatedtoaparticulartopicortheme.

TheselectedcoverartforthisvolumeofRMU’seggiswhatisoftenreferredtoasthemilitaryserviceflagorservicebanner.ThebluestarserviceflaghasbeenhistoricallydisplayedinthedoorwaysandwindowsofAmericanhouseholdsinwhichamemberofthefamilywasservingonactivedutyduringwartime.Ifthefamilyhadtwomembersserving,thentheflagdisplayedtwostars,andsoon.ThischoiceofcoverartseemedmorethanappropriategiventhefactthatthisparticularissueofeggisdedicatedtogivingaforumtothoseRMUstudentswhohaveservedorarecurrentlyservingintheUnitedStatesmilitary–apopulationoflearnerswhoweareproudtohaveamongstusintheRobertMorriscommunity.

Sinceitsinceptionin2000,RMU’segghasalwaystriedtoputondisplaytherichculturallandscapethatmakesuptheRobertMorrisenvironmentbycollectingexpressivepoems,prose,artwork,andphotographscreatedbyourstudents,faculty,andstaff.Aswitheachofthepreviousvolumesofegg,theeditorialboardfor“ShippingOut”hopesthatthisvolumedemonstratesjusthowcomplexandmulti-facetedthelivesandexperiencesofthosearounduscantrulybe.Thankyouandhappyreading!

Sincerely,

JamesBaltrum EnglishFaculty

CollegeofLiberalArts

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A special thank you to...

MichaelViolltPresident of Robert Morris University

MableneKruegerProvost

PaulaDiazDean of the College of Liberal Arts

…and those who have served or are servingin the United States armed forces.

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Writings

“War is Hell” by Russ Meredith

“My Winter Wonderland” by Nick Rubino

“Voices of the Deployed” by Ashley Shields

“October 31st, 2008” by Anonymous

“Happiness” by Brian P. Gilbertson

“Sick Call” By Nick Rubino

“The Chamber” by Sergio Alviso

“Crossing into the Blue” by Zakiyyah Woods

“The Gateway” by Laura Reich

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Photographs

Nick Rubino David Lapello Russ Meredith

PGs 15, 20, 28, 47PGs 16, 33, 41

PG 22

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ThefollowingisaquotefromGeneralWilliamTecumsehSherman.“YoucannotqualifywarinharshertermsthanIwill.Wariscruelty,andyoucannotrefineit;andthosewhobroughtwarintoourcountrydeserveallthecursesandmaledictionsapeoplecanpourout.IknowIhadnohandinmakingthiswar,andIknowIwillmakemoresacrificesto-daythananyofyoutosecurepeace.”Warhasbeenapartofthiscountry’srichhistorysinceitsinception.Manymenandwomenhaveexperiencedwarandthecalamitythataccompaniesit,includinguptopayingtheultimatesacrifice.TheseUnitedStateswereborninthebosomofwar.OnNovember11thofeachyear,wepayhomagetothosewhohavegallantlybravedtheharshnessofbattleandwholivetotelltheirstories.Thisisoneofthem. MyFatherwasaveteranofWorldWarII,aNavyveterantobeexact.Growingup,Iwould,uponoccasion,dreamoffollowinginmyfather’sfootsteps.Idreamedofsailingtheworld’soceansandvisitingforeignportsand,ofcourse,eatingexoticfoods.ThatdreambecamearealityonFebruary11,2003. IhadanticipatedsuchachangebecauseatarecentNavyReserveunitmeeting,IwasaskedifIwasinterestedinbeingdeployed.Iearnestlyansweredintheaffirmative.Onceagainmycountrywasaskingformyservice.Myheartracedinmychestandmypalmsweresweating.WhenIwastoldwhereIwouldbegoing,thehairsonthebackofmyneckstoodup.Mymouthbecameasdryasdust. IwasboundforCaliforniaforaweekandahalffortrainingandtomakesureI’mphysically,andmentally,fittoendurethemission.FollowingCaliforniaIwouldbeheadingtoKuwaitinsupportofOperationIraqiFreedom.Theofficialorderscalledforserviceforuptoayear.Iwasready.

“War is Hell”Russ Meredith

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Author Thetimecameforustoboardthisbehemothofanairplane.Withgearinhandanddufflebagintow,Iswallowedthelumpthathadlodgeditselfinmythroat.MyeyesscannedtheplanefromnosetotailforthiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverboardedaplanefromtheground.Iwasamazedbyitssheersize.Wegotsettledinforthe17hourtriptoKuwaitwhichincludedaquickstopinGermanyforfuel.WefinallyarrivedinKuwaitaround2a.m.AsIlookedattheyoungfacesofthemenaroundme,Isawfear,andanticipation,butatthesametimeIsawbravery.Thesemenhavevolunteeredtobeinharm’sway.Everyonehadtheirgamefaceon. Onceourbootswereontheground,wewalkedtoastagingareaforfurtherinstructions.Almostinstantlymynosewasfilledwiththesmellofhotjetexhaust.Itwasintoxicating.Itaddedtotheairtemperaturewhichbymyrecollection,wasintheneighborhoodofabouteighty-fivedegrees.Tousjustarriving,itseemedverywarmsincethegearonourbacksweighedinaccessofseventypounds.Isaidtotheguynexttome,“We’renotinKansasanymore,Toto.”Weweretoldthatduringthedaywewillbeexposedtotemperaturesexceedingonehundredandfifteendegrees.Aftereachofuswasissuedatallbottleofhalfwarmwater,wewereoffonatwohourjourneythatseemedtotakeallnight.Atthispoint,bymyestimation,wehadbeenawakeforabout21hours.Itdidn’tseemtoaffectthosearoundmeasmuch.Understandablyso,fortheywereintheirtwenties,Iwasthirty-nine. Twoweekswentbywhileweenduredevenmoretraining.Livinginthedesertoffereditsownchallenges.Inadditiontotheextremeheatandallthephysicalproblemsitcanbring,wewerecautionedtobeevervigilantofwhatwasaroundus.Wewerecautionedaboutthingslikescorpions,snakes,andcamelspidersthesizeofyourhand.Everydaylifeherewasphysicallydraining.Inthemorning,weawokewithaverythinlayerofdustthathadfallenonourfaces,andadry,pastyfilminourmouths.Oureyeswereeversodifficulttoopen,evenslightly,

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duetothedustminglingwiththe“crust”thatusuallyformsinthecorners.Allwehadtocleanupwithwasbabywipesandthewarmbottleofwaterwewereissuedeachmorning.Therewerenocoffeeshops,nofast-foodjoints,andnoparkbenchestositdownonforarest.Wewereinawarzone,andhadyettotakeourfirstshower. Afewdayslater,whilestillinKuwait,weweretoldthe“airwar”wasunderway.Baghdadwasbeinghitwithfivehundredpoundbombs.Thatnightwecouldhearthebombsbeingdropped.Icouldn’thelpbutthinkaboutthedeathanddestructionthatwouldbetheresult.ScenesofdestructionIhadseenontelevisioncametomind.Ifeltlikevomiting. ThecallcameintostartouradvanceintoIraq,alongwithafullcomplementofMarines.ToreachtheKuwait/Iraqborderwehadtotravelsomefivehoursbytruck,humvee,orjeepinswelteringheatthatseemedtodrainalllifefromyou.Everythingyoutouchedfelthotenoughtofryaneggon.ThiswasMarch,andsummerinIraqwasstilltocome. DuringthelongtrektoBaghdad,weencounteredmanyIraqinationals.SomewavedaUSflagandsomewavedbannersthatsaid,“WelcomeUSA,”whileotherssaid,“GoHome.”Asasoldierorsailoryoudon’thavetimetothinkwhetherornotyou’reherebecauseofpolitics.AllyouknowisthatSaddamHusseinistobetakenoutofpower,andthatwearetaskedwiththatmission.Marinesledthefight.Afterall,IwasaNavySeabee,aconstructiontype.Idefend,whilemarinesgoandlookforafight.Youngliveswerelostthatday,andtheywillhopefullyneverbeforgotten.Imaynothaveknowntheirnames,butIknewtheirfamilieswereabouttoreceivetheworsekindofnews.Tothisday,Irememberseeingthecharredremainsofbodieswhosevehicleswerehitbybombsandthesmellofdecayingflesh.IhavesomeveryvividmemoriesofmytimespentinIraq.Someareworthmentioning.Somearenot. Irememberitwas34daysbeforewehadthechancetoactuallytakeashower.Thetemperaturebeingwhatitwas,

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probablyaround100degrees,allofuswereassweatycomingoutasweweregoingin.Weputonthesameuniformafterwardsbecausewehadnowayofwashingthem.Eventuallyweweregiven5-gallonbucketstowashouruniformsthatwehadwornforthelast5days.Wesleptin2-mantents,usuallyusingouruniformtopsaspillows. Thesearesomeofthe“notsobad”memoriesIhave.ThemoregraphicmemoriesfrommydaysinIraqarethescreamsofpainfromthosewhohadbeenshot.Youngmenscreamingforamedic,pleading,“Pleasedon’tletmedie,”yetotherswerescreamingforammunition.Byday’send,fivemarineshadlosttheirlives,andtwentywereinjured.WhenIfinallylaidmyheaddown,Ireflectedonwhathappenedthatday:mostofalltheanguish-filledfacesIsaw.TothisdayIstilldo.Manyunfortunateveteransofthiswar,aswellaspastconflicts,stillhaveveryvividmemoriesoftheirexperiences.Manycamehomenotbeingabletocopewithfamily,friendsandtheworldaroundthem.Theydon’tcomehomeaskingformedalsorforrecognition.Theyonlywantpeaceandforalltheirfriendstocomehome.

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“My Winter Wonderland”Nick Rubino

Christmasisawonderfultimeofyear.You’llspendtimewiththepartofthefamilyyouthinkisweirdbutsmileandtalktothemanyway.AngryhusbandswillbeoutsidehangingChristmaslightsinthecold.Kidswillbegettingdraggedthroughthemallwhilethey’recrying.Myexperienceisdifferentthough.Ididn’tspenditinaplacewithsnowontheground,abigChristmastree,orevenwithmyfamily. IspentChristmasof2005inIraqwithmyunit.Itwasabouteightydegreesoutside.Notashotasyouwouldthink,butcomparedtoChicago,itwasparadise.Ididn’thaveahorrible-lookingsweateron.Instead,Iwasinuniform.ChristmasEvewasprettymuchthesameasanyotherday.Itwaslonelyandboringbeingawayfrommyfamily.I’mnotahugefamily-typeperson,butthistimeitreallysetin.Iwasthousandsofmilesawayfrommyfamily,andIhadtoadmitit,Iactuallymissedthem.Itmaysoundcrazytoadmitmissingthechaosofone’sfamily.Everyone’sfamilydrivesthemnuts;mineisnodifferent:momanddadfightingthewholetimetheyaregettingready,me,mydad,andmysisterwaitingonthecouchformymomtogetready,goingovertomyaunt’stoseemyuncleignoretherestofthefamilythatisfemalegendered.IwishIwasmakingthisup!Let’snotforgetmycrazygrandmothergivingmeandmysistera$20giftandmycousinsacouplehundreddollarsworthofpresents.Again,I’mcrazytomissit,butIdid. Iwasn’ttheonlyonemissingmyfamily.Manyofushadtobondtogetherandbethereforeachother.I’llquotemyselfonthisone:“TheArmy:Forcingpeopletobefriendsforyears.”AlotofthepeopleIservedwithweren’tthetypeofpeopleyouorIwouldnormallyhangoutwith.Thatdidn’tmatter.White,black,green,blue,yellow.Itdidn’tmatter.Wewereallinittogether.It’sfascinatinghowpeoplebondtogetherinsuchsituations.

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Author

ThemorningofChristmasIrememberwakingupinadarktent.Westayedinthesehuge“carnival”styletents.Theysleptabout200,soalotofnoisedidn’treallywakeyouup.Idid,however,hearalotofshufflingduringthemorningofChristmas.WasitSanta,whoknows?WhenIwokeinthemorningIsawthatmybosseshadsetupatinylittleChristmastreeandthenhungglowsticksfromittolooklikethecheaplittlelightspeoplehangupontheirtreesbackhome.Thethoughtwascute,andIsupposeitdidthetrick.Theyevenhadpresentswrappedandputunderthetreeforus.Itwasn’tmuchbutacrappyT-shirttoremindmeofthehellholeIwaslivingin.Itdidn’tmatterthough.Whenpeoplesay,“It’sthethoughtthatcounts”—well,thistimeitwas. DidthismeanthatspendingmyChristmasawayfromhomewasawesome?No.Asamatteroffact,thismayhaveruinedChristmasformesub-consciously.ListeningtoChristmasmusicanddecoratingmyhousewithcrazydecorationsjustdoesn’tdoitforme.AmIruined?Idon’tknow.HowcouldthisoneeventinhistoryruinChristmasformeforever?Idon’tknowthateither.Tomethatshowsmorecharacterthantheparentsatthemallforcingtheirchildtotakesomepictureonsomeolddrunk’slap.

Photo by Nick Rubino

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Photo by David Lapello

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Author“Voices of the Deployed”

Ashley Shields

Weallknowsomeonewhohasservedinthemilitary,buthaveyoueveraskedthemfortheirstory?IhadtheprivilegeofaskingfoursoldiersabouttheirtimeintheU.SMilitary.Threeofthesoldiersarefellowstudentsandtheotherisafriend’solderbrother.Youmayfindthatsomehaveseenmorethanmost.Theirstoryisthesame—theyservedandtheyfought. AlanQuiggleisfrommyhometownWorth,IL.HeservedintheArmybetweentheyears1998to2001.HisbasictrainingtookplaceatFortHillinOklahoma.AfterhefinishedbasictraininghewenttoATIwherehewastrainedasa14TangoPatriotStationEnhancedOperator/Maintenance.BythetimehewasfinishedhewasdeployedtoSaudiArabiaatthePrinceSultanAirbase.Hewassentthereforrotation,whichlastedsixmonths.Hetoldmethatthehardestpartofbeingoverseas,forhim,wasbeingawayfromhisfamily.AlanalsohadalotofhelpfromoneofhiscomradesSpecialistStinson,becausehewasinrotationwithAlan.“IthelpedbeingwithpeopleIknew,”Alanstated.Hedidn’tseemuchofcombat,butitwasstillalearningexperienceforhim. NextwasBruceHoover,whoisoneofthemanystudentshereatRobertMorrisUniversitywhohasservedinthemilitary.HewentintotheNavybetweentheyears2004to2009.Hetraveledallover,fromGermanytoIsrael.HereceivedhistrainingatGreatLakesNavalBaseinIllinois.ThenhewenttoNorfolkNavalbasewherehewasdeployedontotheUSSAnzioCG68,whichisaGuidedMissileCruiser,asanInformationSystemTechnician.Brucestated“I’mproudofthetimeIserved,andIhavelotsofrespectfortheonesstillthere.”

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Author

JustliketheothersthatyouhavereadaboutJoeLyonwasintheNationalGuard.Hewasintheserviceforsevenyearsfrom2002to2009.HisfirstbasewasatTheNationalGuardinCrestwoodIllinois.FromtherehewenttoFortHood,Texas.HewasaSmallArmsRepairman.HehastraveledalloverthestatesandhasbeeninKuwaitandAfghanistan.Hesawsomecombat. Becomingasoliderisataskallinitsown.Whenyoubecomesousedtohavingtoprotectnotonlyyourself,butothermenandwomenyoufightalongsidewith,thengetthrownbackintocivilianlife,andhavetorelearnhowtobeacivilianagain,cantakealotofeffort.ShaneNirider,muchlikemanyothers,hasgonethroughthischange.HewasaMarine.Hisjourney,likemanyothers,hashimgoingtoCampLejuneinNorthCarolina.FromtherehewasdeployedontotheshipUSSOakHillforahumanitarianmission,MEU,whichmeansMarineExpeditionaryUnit,tobringsuppliesandmedicalequipment.Hisunitwantedtobuildasmallhospitalandschoolsaswellashouses,butthatmissionwascutshortduetoRPG,RocketPropelledGrenade,firecausingtheshiptoturnback.HisseconddeploymentwastoIraq.HeflewfromCherryPointtoaMarineCorp.AirbaseinNewYork,thentoGermany,toKuwait,andfinallytoIraq.ThereheactedasmilitarypatrolinRamadi.Hehasbeenonmanydifferentpatrols’andconvoys.HehelpedguardadetentioncenterwhileothermembersofhisunitwereinAliased. Shane’svoicebecameverysomberanditseemedasifhewasstaringintoadistantmemory,asifhewasrelivingthepast,ashesaid,“Whilewewerethereinthosecities,Isawalotofmybrothersdie.Twooftheminmyownarms.”Hebreatheddeeply.

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Author

ShanewasinIraqforonlysevenmonths.InthattimehewaslenttoaForceReconUnitasasniperbecauseofhishighmarksmanship.Healsorevealedthatwhilehewasthere,hehadalotoftimetothinkandinthosetimeshethoughtabouthumanmortality—andthatscaredhim.“Youmayhearmejokeaboutthesethingsifyoupassmeinthehallways,butit’sadefensemechanismthatweweretaughttomakelightofmemories,soitdoesn’tweighheavyonourminds.Becausewedoalotofthingsthatweshouldn’thavetodotootherpeople.Thingsourmindscan’tcomprehend.Becauseit’shardtocopewhenyoulookintoaman’seyesashedies.Knowingthatitwasyouwhokilledhim.Seeingthefearandyoucanalmostseethethoughtsabouteverythinghe’sdoneinhispast.Thenyourememberthatthemanyoujustkilled,killedsomeoneelse’smother,brother,sister,son,father,daughter,wife,orhusbandandthatisthebeginningofcoping.Becauseyouknowyoujuststoppedhimfromhurtingsomeoneelse’sfamily.Unfortunately,yourealizeyoujustruinedsomeoneelse’sfamilybykillingthisman,andtheguiltisoverwhelming.Itneverleavesyou.Itissomethingthatwillhauntmeforever.” Likemanyothers,Shanehasgonethroughandhasseenalot.Tonightasyoukickbackonyourcouch,readytowatchyourfavoriteshow,rememberonething.Manygoodpeople,likeAlan,Bruce,JoeandShane,gothroughalivinghell;theyseeanddothingsthatpeoplearenotsupposedtodotoothers.Theydothistokeepalive,whatmanyofustakeforgranted,-Freedom.

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Photo by Nick Rubino

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Author

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Ilaidonthesideoftheroadinagonizingpain,myskinstretched-theblackandbluestains.

Imadeadesperateshotformycar,onemileaway.Tearsandangerstainedtheentireway.

Iwasscaredofwhatpeoplewouldsay.Ikeptitasecret-foraboutaday.

StaggeringintotheER,thedoctorhadturnedmeaway.I’llneverforgivehim,nottothisday.

HesaidIwasfaking,buttheinjurydidn’tlie-

Amonthlatertheysaid,“You’llneverbeabletorunagain”,thisisitfortheArmy-Thisistheend.

Notlongafter,theyhandedmeafoldedflagandshookmyhand.

Butthepaininmyfootstillhauntsme,tauntsmeandremindsmeofthatday,whenbeingaSoldierwastakenaway.

“October 31st,2008”

Anonymous

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Photo by Russ Meredith

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Author“Happiness”

Brian P. Gilbertson

Ifighteverydaytokeepmyfeelingsandemotionincheck.IgetaskedquestionsandItrulyfeellikeIneedtojumpthroughthehoopstosatisfytheonesaroundme.ThisisanhonestnoshitpaperofhowIfeelaboutreadingliteratureandhowI’mfeelingfedupwiththequestionsIamasked.IfeelthatthereissomethingthatthatIammissing.IthinkitwaslostsomewhereinIraqandalthoughpeopleseemyface,theycannevertrulyknowwhatI’mhiding.Icansmileandplaythegame,butinsidethesepeoplearoundmearesodifferentfromme,andIfeellikesuchanoutsiderandoutofplace.Ilearnedsomethingthathelpedmefindsomehope,thatmaybetherereallyissomehappinessinhelpingothers. Ihavetosomewayexplainalittlebit.TobeginatwhereitfirststartedwouldprobablybethebestplacetostartbutIcan’tseeitthatway.Iseethepain,laughter,angerandfrustration.IseethemisunderstandingofpeopleIdidn’tknowandalongingforthemwantingtounderstandme. Myfirstnightoutsidethewire,Iwasready,orIthoughtIwasready.IrememberallthetrainingIreceivedthatbuiltuptothemomentthatmeanteverythingtome.Iwastheretoprotectmybuddies.Theyhadfamiliestogobackto,anditwouldbemyjobtoeliminateanythreatthatpresenteditself.Itbecamemorethanthatforme.Ifeltangerwhentheshootingstarted.IwassoenragedthattheHajisweretryingtokillmeandmybuddies.Howdarethey?Iwouldnotgivethemthesatisfactionoffear.Iwouldnotallowthemtoseemescared.Iwasbetterthanthem,bettertrained,andIrepresentedgenerationsthatcamebeforeme.IknownoteveryonefeltlikeIdid,butmyangerforthemkeptmefrombecominguselesswhentheshootingstarted.Isawithappentootherguys,anditangeredme,butIhadtorememberthatnoteveryonefeltlikeIdid.

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Irememberthesmellofburntshellcasingsfreshlyejectedfrommy50cal,thesweatdroppingandsoakingintomybodyarmor,thedirtcoveringmyfaceandmixinginwithmysweat.Ihadtoreadjustmynightvisioneverysooftentokeepthingsinfocus.Theconstantbouncingonthehardroadsmovedthingsaroundalot.TheadrenalinerushingthroughmyveinswiththesatisfactionofseeingmyroundstearthroughabuildingwhereIsawmuzzleflashescomingfrom.IfeltmoreforthedogsonthestreetsthenIdidfortheHajisthatwereshootingatme.Iremembertellingmydrivertoswerveoutofthewayforadogthatwanderedintothestreet,but10minuteslatertellinghimtoramavehiclethatcametooclosetoourconvoy. Thechowhallsarewheretherealfunwasat.Ilovedthefood,IatebetterinIraqthenIdidbackhome.ThatwasonethingIcouldreallylookforwardto:walkingintothechowhall,washingmyhands,andthenstandinginalongbutveryfastmovinglinetogetsomegoodfood.EverySundaywasallyoucaneatKingCrabLegsandlobster,steakandA-1sauce,friedchickenfingersnearlythefullsizeofachickenbreast,BaskinRobbinsicecream,cheeseburgers,eggrolls,fries,breakfastburritos,eggsandbacon,sausageandpotatoes,Gatorade,RedBull,andeverythingelseyoucouldimagine. Downtimeonthebasewasspenteitheratthegym,whichwassobigandniceitrivaledexpensivegymsyouwouldpayforinthestates,orwritingemailsbackhomefrommyhooch.Wehadinternet,andwhenwewereusingit,wewouldhookupallourXbox’sfromonehoochtoanotherusingtheEthernetwires.WewouldthenspendhoursonendplayingHalo-abunchofguysfightingawar,playingavideogameaboutfightingawar.ItmakesmelaugheverytimeIthinkaboutit.ThentherewasBell,Lamott,Karlan,Edwards,OrtizandSki.Thoseweremybrothers.Iwouldfightabearforanyoneofthem,andtheywoulddothesameforme.ImissthemsomuchandneverhaveIlovedsogreatlyandfeltsomuchformenIconsideredtobecloserthenfamily.ThereisnowayIcanexplainorevenbegintousewordsthatwoulddojusticetohowmuchItrulyfeltforthem.EvennowIfeelpainwritingaboutthem.

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Beinghomenow,peopledon’tunderstandme.It’sharddealingwithbigcrowds,feelinglikeIhavetolookovermyshouldereverywhereIgo.Ifeelnakedandunprotected.IfeellikeI’moutsidethewirewithnoprotectionoraircover,notevenaradiotocallaBlackhawkforapickup.EverydaywhenIgotosleep,Ifeelunprotected.Iwanttosleepwithaweapon,likeIdidwhenIwasoverthere,butifIdid,Iwouldbethoughtofascrazy.Iamnotcrazy.Ijustseethingsdifferentlynow.Iremembertry-ingtogetLisatoagreetojustatleastletmesleepwithmyK-Baratmybedside,Ioriginallywanteditundermypillow.Shefreakedoutandcalledme“Lt.Dan”referringtothecharacterin“ForrestGump”whogetswoundedandbecomesawanderingalcoholicwarvet.Ithurtsobadwhenshecalledmethat.Shecouldneverknow,shelivesinherlittlebubble.Idon’twanthertoknow,butIdon’twantherthinkingI’mcrazyeither.Wegotintoafighttheotherday,andshesaidthatIusebeingaveteranasacrutch,andmebeingcrazyasacrutchforwhenIgetangry.Shewatched“StopLoss”withmeandcouldn’tunderstandwhyIstartedcryingwhenIsawtheothersoldiersinthehospitalwhowerewoundedincombat.IthurtsbecauseIcaresomuchabouther.IbitemytongueandputitallbackinsidethatboxIdon’topen.Peopleask,butI’mafraidtoopentheboxinfrontofthem.Iknowwhattheywillthinkandfeel.Inaword,theywillthinkdifferentlyofme. Methecrazyone?Yeahright.Iask,willmyangerend?ItseemslikeIgetsopushedsoquicklynow.Myprofessorsaskmequestionslike“Whyismanagerialaccountingsoimportant?”or“Whatisthedifferencebetweenexternalandinternalanalysis?”or“whyisliteratureimportant”.Ifighttofindthemotivationthatkeepsmefrombeingfedup.Ijustanswerthequestion.Iguesshere,nobodyistryingtoblowupmyHumvee,Istillthinkthough,iftheydid,IwouldnotstopfightinguntilIeliminatedthem.Sogoahead,tryandhitmyHumvee,tryandshootatmybuddies. Ifyoufightagainstme,Iwillendyou.Iwillnotdieformycountry;Iwillmakeyoudieforyourcause,andthenIwillmakeyourfriendswhosupportyouthinktwiceabouttryingtoprovokethislion.Ifyouhitmeintheback,andyouwillseethelion’steeth.

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IknowthatIhadtodosomethingdifferentfromwhateveryoneelsedidwhentheycamebackhome.IfeltsonumbtoeverythingIlikedbefore.Itnolongerhadthesamemeaning.Snowboardingwasnowjustsomethingboring-likewatchinggrassgroworsomethingstupidlikethat.IfIdidn’tstartdoingsomethingthatwasgoingtokeepmeontrackandpushme,thenIknewIwouldfallintothecracksandgetlostsomewhere.AllthetimeIwasremindedofwhatreallymademefeelalive.ItwasthefeelingwhenIputonmybodyarmor,loadedmyweapon,turnedonmynightvisionandstartedhunting.Theywereoutthere,andIwouldfindthem. Thenithappened,“Tango219takingfire!” “ThisisGhostrider121,weareenroutetoyourlocation,Iseethefire,standclearI’mopeningup!”Smokerosefromthetruckthatwasjusthitwithanrpg,jackknifedandnearlytippedover.IcouldseewheretheHajiswereshootingfrom.Therewere3ofthemtryingtogetinsidethetrucktocapturetheoccupants.Ragefilledme.Iwantedthemawayfrommybuddies.Iwantedthemtogoaway,buttheywerealreadythere,andIwouldmakesuretheyneverhadanotherchancetodothistoanyoneelse.Iswiveledmyturretanddepressedmybutterflytriggeronthe50.IaimedattheHajisbehindthemudandbrickwallfirstandcompletelyceasedtheirfire.Mybulletstorethroughthewallsliketheyweretissuepaper.Theothersnearthetruckturnedaroundtoseetheirfriendslayinginamangledmess,tryingtocrawlaway.Ithenturnedmyweapononthemandwatchedasmyroundsrippedthroughtheirbodies.Iremembertheirbodieslookinglikerippedcrimsonragsofclothbeingtornin15differentdirections.Oneofthemwasstillalivewhenwerolledup.Hislowerbodywasdetachedfromhimandhisintestineswerehangingoutashecrawledawayfromthem.TheTCgotoutandgotthetwotruckoccupantsinourhumvee.Iputdownfireonthebuildingclosesttousontheothersideofthebrickandmudwall.Thereweretwomenontheothersideofthewalltryingtocrawlaway..Iamnotapersontoputsomeonethroughmorepainthanisneeded.Iwouldhavesentamedicforthem,butasaconvoy,wecouldnotstop.Wepulledoutandcontinuedtoputfiredownonthebuilding,

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noticingthesmellofgunpowder,thesmellofblood.Thatimageisforeverburnedintomymind. Mynumbnessbegins,andIonlycareaboutmybuddiesnow.Whatisthemission?Iknowwhatthemissionis,tofuckinghuntoutsidethewireandseeifsomeoneisstupidenoughtopickafightwithus.I’veneverdonedrugsoranysort.I’veonlydrankonspecialoccasions.Ihaveneverhadanaddictivepersonality,untilnow.Theadrenaline,smellsandtheanger,soaddicting. SohereIamnowatschooltryingtokeepasmileonmyfacesoIcanfitbackintoregularsocietywhiletryingnottopissoffthewrongpeople.Timeandtimeagain,Istruggletofindtheimportance.Yeah,ok,it’sgoingtomakemearicherperson,moreversedwithlifeandculture.Iwillbeabletounderstandbetterhownottorepeathistoryandfindthemysteriesorlifelockedawayinthewordsofsomemanygreatauthors.Yeah,sure.Ididfindsomethingthough…Helpothers,andIcanhelpfindthathappinessIlostalongtimeago.ThatiswhatIneedtodo.

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Titles

Author

Photo by Nick Rubino

Shipping Out 29

Titles

AuthorNick Rubino

“Sick Call”

Soyouwakeupforworkatabout5:30am,andyoufeellikecrap.Youareexperiencingflu-likesymptomsandthinkyoushouldstayinbed.Ohyeah,that’sright.Youdon’tgetsickdaysintheArmy.Youdon’tgettocallyourbossandtellhimsorry,butyou’llbeintomorrow.So,let’sgothroughwhatwehavetodotogetthistakencareof… 1.Getinyourworkoutuniform,or“PTs”,anddriveto work.Don’tforgetyoursillyreflectivebeltthatyou’re goingtowearinthedaylight. 2.Driveyourselftoworkallsickandmiserable feeling.WhenyougettothegateforyourIDcheck, yousitinwhatseemslikeamilelonglineofcars.For somereasoneveryunitatFt.Braggdecidedtohave morningformationat0630.Thismeansyouarenot onlysickanddon’tfeellikedealingwiththetenminute longline,youalsomightbelateforformationandby late,Imeanyouaren’tthereat6:20.Anotherfunny thingisthatonMondaysyouhavetoleave20minutes early,butbyFriday,thereisnoline.Yougettothegate atthesametimeeverydaysowhereiseveryone?There isn’tanydayoff.It’slikeastheweekgoeson,less peoplecometowork.Idon’tgetit... 3.Yougettoyourunit,orplaceofworkbasically.It’s 6:28,andbynowyourphonehasbeenringingoffthe hookasyouarelookingforaplacetopark.Thepeople youworkwithhavebeentoldbyyourbosstocallyou andsee“wherethehell”youare.Fortherecord,you’re notlateyet.Asyoudriveby,everyoneisinformation sonowyouarereallynervous.Theonlyplacetopark isonagrassmedianwhichisillegal,buthey,yougotta dowhatyagottadotobeontime.Now,youdoafull deadsprinttoformationjustintimeforyourbosstodo rollcall.

Photo by Nick Rubino

30 egg

Titles

Author

4.WhenyourgroupisreleasedtogodoPT(akarun4 miles),youfinallygettimetotellyourbossthatyou thinkyouhavetheflu.Hetellsyoutosuckitupand dealwithit.Youtrytoinsist,andaftermuchbadgering, youfinallytalkhimintolettingyougotosickcall.Sick callisbasicallythesameasgoingtothedoctor.Hetells youtogoupstairsandfilloutasickcallslip. 5.Sonowyouhaveasickcallslip,andyouhavetofillit out.Youcan’tdecidewhattowriteinthesymptoms category.Inthesymptomscategory,youwritedown, well,yoursymptoms.Soifyouhave,hmm,something likehemorrhoidsoritburnswhenyoupee,youhaveto writeitonthislittlepieceofpaperthatyourimmediate boss,yourhighestboss,andafewotherpeopleatthe clinicwillbelookingat. 6.Nowyouhavetogivethistoyourbosstohandtohis boss.Youcan’thandittohimyourself.Yougetalec tureabouthowyoushouldhavecomeinat6ifyou wantedtogotosickcall.Youthinktoyourself,yeah, Igotit.HealsocommentsonyourweightandyourPT scoreandthatyouneedtobedoingPTandnotgoingto sickcall.Mindyou,hewillbestayingathisdeskwhile weallgoworkout.Hedoesthateveryday. 7.Sowegobackoutside.At21yearsold,Ihavemylittle permissionslipsignedtogotoseethedoctor.Thehead boss,the1stSGT,comesoutandcallseveryonetogether tomakeanyannouncements,seewhoismissing,and thencallseveryonetothesidewhoisgoingtosickcall. 8.Sonow,we’realienatedofftotheside.We’rethelepers, outcastfromthegroup.Itfeelslikeeveryoneis whisperingaboutyoubeingashitbag.Idon’tknow ifit’ssomekindofwarriormentalityorwhat,butif youmisstheworkoutforoneday,theguyswillactlike you’renottoughlikethemorsomething.

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9.The1stSGTcomesaroundandlooksatyoursliptosee what’swrongwithyou.Thisclownhastopointout howhehasneverbeentosickcallinhis18yearsinthe Army.Blahblahblah.“Myassyouhaven’t,”Isayto myself.10.Afterthatordeal,I’mprettygrumpy.Ijustwanttogo homeandnotdealwiththis.Igettotheclinic,and thereisahugeline.Yeahourhealthcareisfree,butyou gettowaitforevertogetit.Ishouldhavegoneinearly.11.Igotothecheck-innursewhoseemslikeIam inconveniencingherbyaskinghertodoherjob. TypicallythesewomenarewivesofArmyguys.The highertherankoftheirhusband,thesnobbiertheyact. It’sliketheythinktheyholdtherankoftheirhusband. Icallthesewomenthegatekeepers.Theycanmakeor breakyourdayandyourappointmenttime.12.SonowIamin-processedattheclinic.Igettositand waitatthispoint.After15minutes,Ifinallygetcalled.13.Ihavetogetmybloodpressuretaken,myheight,my weight,andfilloutaquestionnaire.Thisisthesame processyouhavetogothrougheverysingletimeyougo totheclinic.Thequestionnaireisthebestpartofitall. Itasksifyoufeelalossofinterestinthings,ifyoufeel suicidal,ifyoufeeldepressed,etc.Onetimeforthehell ofitIdecidedtocheckalltheboxesyes.Muchtomy surprise,nothinghappened.Ididn’tevengetasked aboutit.14.SoI’mbackinthewaitingroomatthispoint—andI wait.Iwaitandwaitandwaitsomemore.Afterabout anhourandahalf,Ifinallygetcalled.15.Idon’tactuallygettoseeadoctor,IseeaPhysician’s Assistant,someonewhoisalmostadoctor,butisn’t. Theydon’thavetocarrymal-practiceinsurance,and theydon’tgetpaidbytheperson.Theygetpaidaflat ratebythegovernment,sotheycouldn’tcarelesshow fasttheyseepeopleorhowgoodofajobtheydo.

32 egg

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16.ThePAisgoingtoaskyouacoupleofquestionsand kindofactlikeyouarefakingit.Igetthattheywould treatyoulikethisbecause,infact,alotofpeopledo fakeinjuriestogetoutofPTinthemorning.Ifyou goinforsomethinglikeacoldortheflu,theyaskyou thesamequestioneverytime,“haveyoubeensick forlongerthan10days.”Now,asaseasonedveteran ofgoingtosickcall,ofcourseIansweredyes.Ifyou don’t,you’llgethandedsomecoughsyrupandsenton ourway. 17.Atthispoint,Iliterallyhavetotellthe“doctor”what Iwant.It’ssadthatIknowtheexactnameofthe antibioticsthatIneedandthatIhavetopracticallybeg forthemwhenIgetsick. 18.Ifinallygetmyscripwritten.Atthispointittookme somethinglike4hourstogettothispoint.Allthatfor about10minutesofthisguy’stime. 19.IheadonovertothePharmacytowaitformy prescription.Igotoverthereatabout10:45.Iwaited arounduntilabout11:30,andthenallofthesudden theyshutallthegatesoverthewindows.Onanice littlesignIseesomethingthatsaysthereisalunch breakfrom11:30to12:30.Beautiful. 20.IguessI’llgoeatlunchandcomeback.Myboss calledandwantstoknowwheretheF@#KIam.Itell himeverythingthatIhavebeendealingwith,andhe justtellsmetohurryupandgetbacktowork.Heacts likethereissomethingsuper-importantgoingon.Icall mybuddy.They’rejustsittingaround. 21.Ifinallygetmyscripafterabout,what,6hourssinceI gottowork.Luckily,Italkedthedoctorintogiving me“quarters”(aka,gettogohome)for24hours.With somegoodacting,Igettogohomeandcrawlbackinto bedfortherestoftheday.

Shipping Out 33

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21.Ifinallygetmyscripafterabout,what,6hourssinceI gottowork.Luckily,Italkedthedoctorintogiving me“quarters”(aka,gettogohome)for24hours.With somegoodacting,Igettogohomeandcrawlbackinto bedfortherestoftheday. 22.BeforeIgettodothatIhavetogobacktoworkto showmybossmypermissionslipsignedbythePA. He’snothappyaboutit,buthehastoletme.Icantell he’sjudgingme,butwhatever,I’malmostdonewith thiscrap. 23.13:30,homeatlast.

Photo by David Lapello

34 egg

Titles

Author“The Chamber”

Sergio Alviso

Onahotafternooninfrontofacinderblockroomwithnowindows,weweretoldthatthiswasthenextphaseintraining.Wehadtogothroughthegaschamber,andasourinstructorsconstantlyremindedus,itwasnotgoingtobefun.Wehadthisgearontopofourregularuniform,whichwassupposedtohelpincaseofabiologicalattack,butitalsomadeyoufeelextremelyhotespeciallywiththesunatfullforcethatday.Wehadtorunaroundinthisgearandhaveourgasmaskson.Breathingthroughagasmaskisalittlemoredifficultthanbreathingwithoutit,sincethefilterhastocleanallincomingair.Runningaroundinbigcircleswithyourbodycoveredinlayersofclothingandthesunatfullshinewasanicewaytospendtheafternoon. Coveredinsweat,wewerereadytoentertheroominsmallgroups.Thefirstgroupthatwentinsideremainedthereforalmosttenminutes.Whentheycameoutallofthemwerecoughingandhadtearsintheireyes.Everyothergrouphadsomeonethatcameoutthrowingup,butIdidn’tthinkmuchofit. Ourgroup’sturncameup,andweenteredtheroom.Someoneinsidewasplacinglittletabletsonacontainerthatemittedsmoke.Thepersoninchargetoldustostartdoingexerciseswithourmasksstillon.Ididn’tseethepoint,sincethemaskwasdoingagoodjobatblockingtheCSgas.ThenwhenmysweatgotincontactwiththegasIstartedtofeelaburningsensationonmyskin.Allexposedskinstarteditching,butIrefrainedfromscratchingbecauseIknewitwoulditchmore. Theytoldustoliftoffourmasksfromourfaces.Wedidthat,andIclosedmyeyesandheldmybreathforacoupleofsec-ondsuntilIheardthemsayitwasokaytoputourmasksbackon.Iquicklyputthemaskbackon,andatthesametimemyfacefeltlikeitwasburning.IwassurprisedIwasnotcoughingsoIdidnotunderstandhowtheothergroupsallcameoutinsuchabadshape.

Shipping Out 35

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Thepersoninchargetoldusthatwecouldseehowmuchdifferencethemaskmade,andwecouldnothelpbutagree.Hethensaidwehadtotakeourmaskscompletelyoffandputthemontopofourheads.Ihadafeelingthattheworstwasabouttocome.Wetookourmasksoff,andIclosedmyeyesandheldmybreath.Iwasgoingtodothesamethingasbefore,butthistimeitwasalongertime.Istartedtohearpeoplecoughing.Iwasstillholdingmyairuntilalmosteveryonewascoughing.ThenImadethemis-takeofopeningmyeyestolookaround-bigmistake.AssoonasIopenedmyeyes,tearsstartedtostreamdownmyface.Thiswasnothingthough.Theworstwasabouttocome.Icouldn’tholdmybreathanylongerandthoughtthatasmallbreathofaircouldn’tdomuchharm.IletalltheairIwasholdingoutandinhaled.InstantlyIfeltsomethingstrange-theairfelthotandIstartedcoughing.Ihadtoinhalemoreofthisairwhich,ofcourse,resultedinmorecoughing. Afterwhatseemedtobeforever,weweretakenoutoftheroomandintotheopenairoutside.Iwascoughingandhadtearsinmyeyesjustlikeeverybodyelse.Fortunately,Ididn’tthrowuplikesomeoftheothers.Thistrainingwasdesignedtoimproveyourconfidenceinthegasmask,anditdiditsjob.ItriedtellingthemeveryyearthatIhadfullconfidenceinmymaskwhenitwastimefortheyearlygaschambertraining,butunfortunatelythatdidn’tgetmeoutoftherequiredtraining.

36 egg

Titles

Author“Crossing the Blue”

Zakiyyah Woods February17,2006,LacklandAFB,Texas—hundredsofexcitedfriendsandfamilyscream—camerasflashing,andcamcordersrecordingastheyobservedmarchingrobotstaketheirplace.Thesunwasshiningwhilewemarchdowntherockypavement,thesoundsofthreehundredoverlyexcitedtraineeswasallthatIcouldhear!Loudly--weyelltheAirForcecadence,(whicharesongswesingwhilemarchingorrunning),dressedinourformalblueuniformsunderourlongtrenchcoats,shinyblackshoes,ourchestpokedout,whilemarchingwithcoordinatedarmswing(leftfootforward,rightarmforward,rightfootforward,leftarmforward),whichforsomewasdifficulttodo“Withtwoleftfeet!”Heregoesnothing!“Everywherewegoooo,everywherewegoooo,peoplewannaknooow,peoplewannaknooow,whoooweaaarree,whoooweaaarree,soooowetellthem,soooowetellthem,we’renottheAarmmyyy--theground-poundingArmy,we’renottheNaavvyy--thedeck-swabbingNavy,we’renottheMarineCoorrppss--thejarheadMarineCorps,we’renottheCoastGuard--lazylazyCoastGuard,wearetheAirForce,wearetheAirForce--themightymightyAirForce,themightymightyAirForce.Sound-off(1-2),sound-off(3-4),1-2-3-4,(1-2,3-4)”.Atthatverymoment,Icouldfeelchillsandgoosebumpsflowdownmyslenderbody.Thefeelingofaccomplishment-withflashbacksofthemomentIarrivedtoLacklandAFB(asscaredasJerrywasofTomfromthecartoonTomandJerry!),thankingGodthatitwasfinally“OVER!” ZakiyyahWoods,an18year-oldyoungladyfromtheSouthsideofChicago,Illinois(acityfamousforamazingdeepdishpizzaandhotdogs)employeeatKFC,(KentuckyFriedChicken)andapartygirl.Shedecidedthatboxingupchicken,preparingmashedpotatoes,anddealingwithwhiningcustomerswasnother“CupofTea!”Althoughshewasyoung,shewasreadytoescapefromherparent’shometostartanewlifefarfaraway.

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ShefiguredenlistingintheUnitedStatesAirForcewouldbeagreatwaytodoso,noteventhedeepdishpizzafromGiordano’s,couldkeepherinChicago.Aftergruelingweeksofsigningpaperwork,medicalexams,briefings,physicaltraining(whichdidnothelpmeonebit),andswearingoaths,sheheadedtoLacklandAFB,Texaswithadozenothernewrecruits. Iwasluckytomeetgreatpeoplewhowerealsoexcitedaboutwhatwastocome.Whilewaitingattheairport,fourofusdecidedtogogrababigjuicyburger,alargefrenchfry,andalargechocolateshaketowashitalldown“Yummy”.Wewerenotsurewhenwewouldbeabletoeatdeliciousfoodlikethatagain(atleastthat’swhatmyrecruitertoldme).NextthingIknow,atalllankyguycamestompingthroughtheairportyelling,lookingforthefourofus(allwewantedwasastinkingburger),obviouslyhedidn’tgive“Aflyingfuck(excusemylanguage)!”That’swhenallthefunstarted! At04:45(militarytime),Reveille(asongyouwilllearntohate)soundsoffthroughoutLacklandAFB(AirForceBase),Texas.Thewords“Getupgetupgetup”wasallthatwasheardechoingthroughoutourenormousdormroomfromTechnicalSergeantHayes(militaryinstructor).IcouldhardlyrememberwhereIwas,butallIcoulddowasjumpupanxiouslyoutofmytwinsizebunkbed,andbrisklyruntomywalllocker,whichstoodtwofeetawayfromthefootofthebed.Nervousnessswamthroughoutmybody,notknowingwhattoexpectorevenhowtoreacttothissituation.Bynowit’sapproximately06:00a.m.,timeforthemostimportantmealoftheday,breakfast.LittledidIknow,clearlybreakfastwasnotthatimportanttothem,onlybecauseweneverhadmuchtimetoeat!MytechnicalinstructorTSgt.Hayes(TechnicalSergeant)alwayssaid“Giveusbreakfast,andwe’llgiveyoulunchanddinner!”Mealtimewasoftenchaotic.Soifyourinstructorsays“it’sanicesit-downtimetoeat”,heorsheisfullofit.But,thenagain,thereareexceptions,“forpeoplewhoaredying!”It’snow06:30a.m.,andit’sdormsetup,whichmeansclean-uptime(somuchfun).By09:00a.m.,everythingfromdrilling,classes,recordchecks,shots,anduniformissuearealltakingplace.Nowitis17:00(5:00p.m.)whichisusually

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dinnertime.Theamountoftimeyougettoeatdependsonhowfaralongyouareinbasictraining.Generally,thecloseryougettograduation,thelongeryouhavetoeat.19:00(7:00p.m.),setupthedormfornight-time,clean-updetails,shineyourboots,alignshoes,shinechromealongthefloor,androllclothesinourwalllockers.Sometimeswewereabletohavea“patiobreak”(snacks,andphonecalls),”iftheinstructorfeelsthatwehaveearnedit.By21:00,lightsout.You’llhearTaps(itindicateslightsout),whichmeansfinishwhateveritisyouweredoing“Andgetyourassinthebed”(IfitwasonethingIloved-itwasthatsong)

IntegrityFirstServicebeforeSelf

ExcellenceinAllWeDoEveryday,thousandsandthousandsofproudindividualsdevotethemselvestoprotectingfreedom,upholdingpeace,providingreliefandsupportingpolicyaroundtheglobe:Westcoast,Eastcoast,Europe,PersianGulf,andthePacific.FormanyyoungAmericans,thebenefitsofservingyourcountrycanbemagnificent:training,honor,education,travel,payandmostimportantly--self-discovery.Nevertheless,militaryserviceisdefinitelynotforeveryone!Itrequiresself-discipline,intensephysicalwork,timeawayfromfamilyandfriends,andteamworkwhileprotectingAmericaanditscitizensathomeandoverseas.Forsome,thesecommitmentsinflicttoogreataburden. February17,2006,MelvaWoods(mymother)states,“MytwokidsandIgotupearlythatmorning,excitedaboutmydaughterandhergraduationfromtheUnitedStatesAirForce.Ireallydidn’tknowwhattoexpect,ifshelookeddifferent,ormaybeevengainedorlostsomeweight.Around8:00a.m.,weweretoldtoattendamandatoryorientation,whichgaveallfam-ilyandfriendsthe“Run-down”ofwhatwastocomelateronthatday.Aftertheorientation,weheadedoutsidetolineupfortheAirman’srun(thisoccursbeforethegraduation).BythetimeIstartedtoseeagroupoftraineesrunning,Iwasalmostintears-tryingtoholdbackmyemotions!Istartedsmilingfromeartoear,andscreaming“GOZAKIYYAH,THAT’SMYDAUGHTER”,hopingsheheardme!Shelookedlikeshelostsomeweight,and

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alsogotalittletan.Theywereshoutingsongswhiletheywererunning,uniformed.Icouldfeeltheexcitementfromeveryone;itwasdefinitelyanamazingmoment.running,anditwassouniformed.Icouldfeeltheexcitementfromeveryone;itwasdefinitelyanamazingmoment. Aswemarchtowardsallofourfamilyandfriends,fistsclinchedtight-twoinchesawayfromourside,withperfectarmswing“WelookGOOD”.Therewerebleachersthatweresetupinan“L”shape.Theywerefull,offamilyandfriendsfromallovertheworld.Everyonewasalltheresupportingtheirsoontobe“AirmenintheUnitedStatesAirForce”.Idon’tknowifIwasmoreanxiousaboutseeingmyfamily,orfinallybeingDONEwithsevenweeksof“HELL”.Anyway,oneofthe“TechnicalInstructors”begantosingtheStar-SpangledBanner.EveryTechnicalInstructoryells“PresentArms”,allmilitarymembers,andtraineessharplysalute-whilefriendsandfamilystandupandplacetheirhandsovertheirhearts.Thisgesturetakesplacetopayrespecttotheflag.Atthatmoment,Ifeltveryproudtobecomeapartofthisremarkableteam!ItwasnolongeraboutallthehellIwentthroughthroughoutthosesevenweeks:notbeingabletotalktomyfamilyonaregularbasis,thelackofsleep,thetechnicalinstructorsyellinginmyface—tellingmetogetonmyface(push-uptime)!ForthefirsttimeIfeltthatIwasapartofsomethingbiggerthanmyself. TheGraduationbegins,“Left,left,left,right,left-left,left,left,right,left”,asIglanceoutthecornerofmyeye,Icouldseeandhearfamilyandfriendscrying,andtakingpictures,screamingtheirkids’name!Maybeforsome,itbroughtbackoldmemories.ThenoutofnowhereIhear,“ZAKIYYAH,ZAKIYYAH,WEARESOPROUDOFYOU!”Istartedtoreallyputonmy“A-game”,IbeganmarchinglikeIwasabouttowinaGRAMMY!Myheartwasbeatingfasterandfaster,Iwantedtolookperfectformyfamily.Mytechnicalinstructoryells-EYESRIGHT(quick45degreeheadturntoyourright)-stillmarchingonbeatrightnexttoandwiththepersontomyright.BeforeIknewit,thegraduationcametoanend,andwewereabletofinallyhugandkissourparentsandfriends.Mymomwasstillcrying!

40 egg

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AlthoughIwassoveryhappytoseemymom,brother,andsister,itwassomewhatofasadmomentaswell.IhavegainedsomanygreatfriendsfromthetimeIarrivedtoLacklandAFBtothetimeIgraduated.Weallsharedabondthatnooneelsecouldeverfathom.Fromthefirstweekofin-processing,learningtoshutthehellup,workingasteamwitheverythingweweretoldtodo—toourhalf-waymark-whichwasWarriorWeek!LivinginatentinthemiddleofJanuarywithonlyasleepingbag,MRE’s(mealsreadytoeat-disgusting),acanteenfullofwater,helmet,simulatedM-16,andafieldjacketoverourcamouflageuniforms.Takeasecondandpicturehowharditwastoremoveallofthatcrapjusttoutilizethelatrine(bathroominmilitaryterms),andshoweringwasnotevenanoption!IthoughtIdiedandwentstraighttoHELL!Eventhoughithasbeenoverfouryearssincethatexperience,Istillremembereverythinglikeitwasjustyesterday.IfIcoulddoitalloveragain,Iwould-inaheartbeat!MaybeI’devenchangethedecisionImadetoseparatefromthemilitary.IamproudtohaveservedfouryearsintheUnitedStatesAirForce-itwasadefiningtimeinmylife;onethatIwillcherishuntilthedayIdie!

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Photo by David Lapello

42 egg

Titles

Author“The Gateway”

Laura Reich

LacklandAirForceBase,SanAntonio,Texas,June24,2010.Afterbeinggroundedfor3hoursatO’HareAirportbecauseoftornadowarningsandthentravelingover1,200milesviaairplanewithtwoyounggirlstoSanAntonioInternationalAirport,pickinguparentalvan,gettinglost,checkinginandgettingonehourofsleep,wefinallyarrivedatLacklandAirForceBase’smaingateat6:00AM.Whyarewehere?Toseemy(atthetime)19yearoldson,Michael,graduatefrombasictraining. Untilthisday,wehadnotseenhimforovertwomonths.Hisphonecallswereveryfewandfarbetween.Theyweretimed,andyoucouldhearthedrillsergeantinthebackgroundyellingacountdown.NomatterwhereIwaswhenIgotthem,Idroppedeverythingtohangontohiseveryword.Itwashardtohearthehomesicknessandnervousnessinhisvoicethefirstcoupleofcalls.ThehelplessnessIfeltashismother,notbeingabletocomforthiminpersonreallytestedmycomposure,sowhereverIwaswhenthosecallscamein,Ihadtosoundstrongforthebothofus.Therewewere,meandmytwodaughters:Samantha,15,andHayley,13,waitinginavehiclelinewiththerestofthefamiliesandfriendstopassthroughthesecuritygates.Itwaslikewaitingtogetintoheaven:youwereeithergettinginoryouweren’tifyoudidn’thavetheproperclearance.IwassowoundupthatmorningthatIcouldn’tfigureouthowtostartthemini-vanIhadrented.Ifinallyhadtoaskanotherhotelguesttohelpmeonlytofindoutthatyoudon’tusetheactualkeys,theyareforthetrunkanddoors! Weweresonervous,tiredandexcitedallatthesametime.Wheredowego,whatdowedo,howlonguntilwegettoseehim,willtheyletustalktohim,willwerecognizehim?AccordingtotheUSAFwebsite,“ThefirststopforallAirForce,AirNationalGuardandAirForceReserveenlistedpersonnelisbasicmilitarytrainingatLacklandAFB,Texas.The37thTrainingWing,

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LacklandAirForceBase,SanAntonio,Texas,isthelargesttrainingwingintheAirForce.The37thTRWprovidesbasicmilitary,professionalandtechnicalskills,andEnglishlanguagetrainingfortheAirForce,othermilitaryservices,governmentagencies,andourallies.Ashometothe37thTRW,LacklandAirForceBaseisalsoknownastheGatewaytotheAirForce.TheGateway,asitsnameimplies,meansthatenlistedpersonnelintheactiveAirForce,AirNationalGuardandAirForceReserveallbegintheircareersherebycompletingBasicMilitaryTraining.Inatypicalyear,between30,000and40,000newAirmencompletethisintense,8-1/2weektrainingcourse.”ThirtytofortythousandAirmenperyear?Ifyoutake8-1/2weeksoftraining,divideitby52weeksinayear,thenyouaveragein35,000Airmenwhoannuallygraduateanddividethatby6,youarelookingatabout5,800people.Thenyoufactorintheirfriends,familiesandmilitarystaff,that’salotofpeople!The2000censustreatedthebaseasatown.Itis6,835acres=10.6796mi².Betweenthesizeofthebaseandtheamountofanticipatedpeople,wereweevengoingtofindhim?Wejustfollowedthecarsinfrontofusforacoupleofblocksandparkedinasmalllot. ItwasabeautifulsunnydayinTexas.Myanxietywasgrowingstrongerbytheminute.Mypoorgirlsjustremainedsilentfollowingmecloselybecausetheywereabitanxiousthemselves.Wehadplannedsolongforthisandthemomentwasfinallyhereandnoneofusknewwhattoexpect.Wefeltlikelostlambsinthewoods.Afterfollowingmorepeople,thistimeonfoot,weencounteredaninformationtablesetupwithhandoutsofmapsandanagendaofthetwodayextravaganza:Airman’sRun,Airman’sCoinCeremony,Retreat,Parade/Graduation,OpenHouseandTownPass.Thislessenedmyfears.NowIhadsomethingtofollow.Wefiguredoutwherehisunit/flightwouldbestandingfortheCoinCeremonyandmadeaplanofwherewewouldsit.Next,wehadtogofindaspotonthestreetthatwaslocatedbehindthelotwheretheCoinCeremonywastotakeplacetowatchtheAirman’sRunwhichwastotakeplacefirstaccord-ingtotheagenda.ThatwouldbeourfirstglimpseofMichaelandalloftheothercadets.Wefoundourspotandsatonthecurband

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andwaited.Westillhadanotherhalfhourbeforetheywouldcome,andthestreetwasslowlyfillingup.Asthathalf-hourtickedby,thegirlsandIpeople-watched.Therewaseveryrace,nationality,age,sizeandshape,includingnewbornsandinfantsthatyoujustknewthiswastheirfirsttimemeetingtheirfathers.Peopleweredressedupanddownorlikeus,inbetween.SomewereholdingsignstheymadefortheirAirmanandweallhadcamerasorcamcordersontheready.Iwasmakingphonecallsandtextingfamilythatwemadeitandwe’reOKbecauseitwassolatewhenwegotin,wewerejustwaitingnow. Finally,inthedistance,youhearthe“jodies”(theyaretraditionalcall-and-responseworksongssungbymilitarypersonnelwhilerunningormarching).Thenyouseethefirstflightcoming.IjustheldmyFlipcamcorderinfrontofmeandheldtherecordbuttondownandprayedIwouldnotmisshim.Iwasawreckagain,tryingtoholdthecamerastraightandnotcrybecauseIwassooverwhelmedwithmixedemotions:happiness,prideandanticipationofthatmomentwhenwewouldseehim.Theyeachhadtheirownbannerthattoldyoutheirunitandflight.Theworstpartwastheyalllookedthesame!Weactuallymissedhimthefirsttimeheranbybutthankfully,theyturnedaroundandcamebacksoyoucouldgetasecondchanceifyoudidn’tseethemthefirsttime.Thesecondtimewasit,weseenhimandthegirlsscreamed“thereheis!”Icouldn’tbelievemyeyes.HewassothinfromallofthetraininganddietandredfrombeingoutintheTexasheatallthoseweeks.IwasstartingtorelaxalittlemorenowthatIhadseenhimbuttheheatwasgrowingmoreintensebythehour. TheAirmanreturnedtotheirbarrackstoputontheirdressblues;theirfulluniform.Everypieceofclothingonthemhastobewornaparticularway;theyareverystrictsotheyneededsometimetogetready.Whiletheyweregonepreparingfortheircoinceremony,thegirlsandIgotourseatsinthebleachers(theywerethankfullyshaded).IleftthegirlstosaveourseatswhileIwenttothegiftshoptogetsouvenirs;bumperstickersthatsaid“ProudGrandparentofaUSAirman”t-shirtsformeandthegirlsandofcourse,waters.Again,thebandstartsup,thestandsarepacked,peoplearewavingtheirmapsandagendaslikefansinfrontoftheir

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facestocoolthemselves,alltheimportantofficialsmarchinandtaketheirplacesatthepodiumandchairssetasideforthem.Shortlyafter,theyannouncealltheflightsandunitsastheytoomarchinandstandintheirpredeterminedpositionsintheopenlot.Afterahalf-hourorsoofspeeches,anthemsandotherceremonyrituals,theMTs(MilitaryTrainees)passoutthecoinstoeachoftheirAirman.Theyreceivethesecoinsaftercompletingtheirfieldtraining.Theysymbolizetheirrighttobecalled“Airman”anditissupposedtobeoneofthemostsignificanteventsintheirmilitarycareers. Oncethisceremonyiscomplete,wewereallowedtowalkoutontothelotandfindthem.TheAirmanwerenotallowedtomoveuntilwefoundthemandanyonewhodidn’thavesomeonethereforthem,hadtowaituntiltheyweretoldtheycouldleave.IfeltsobadforsomeofthosepeoplebutsoblessedthatwewereabletobethereforMichael.Itwaschaosthough,somanypeoplepushingthrougheachothertofindtheirperson.Whenwegottohim,weallfellapartcryingandlaughing.IhuggedhimlikeIhadn’tseenhiminyears!AfterthathewasallowedtoleaveforafewhoursonhisTownPass(FridayafternoonandalldaySaturdaytheyareabletoleavethebaseandvisitthelocalSanAntonioarea).Michaelgothisbelongingsandweheadedbacktoourhotelwhichwaslessthantenminutesaway.Allhewantedtodowassleepintheairconditioningandinarealbedforabit.So,welethimrestwhilethegirls,andIswam.Laterwegrabbeddinnerandthenhadtobringhimbacktothebase. Thenextdaywasgraduation!NowIamreallyfeelingbetter;weareallrelaxed,andIactuallyknewwhereIwasgoing.Weheadedbacktothebaseat7AM,boardedbusesthattookustoanairfieldwheretheceremonywastotakeplace.Again,wefoundourplacesinthebleacherswithcamerasready.Thegirlswereexhaustedbutwerestayingstrongformeandtheirbrother.Thebandsbegantheirmarchandtheflightsfallbehindinformationandparadeinfrontofus.Moreannouncementsandspeechesfollow.TheceremonyisfinalizedwithalloftheAirmenrecitingtheiroathofenlistment-moretearsofpride.Weallmetonthefieldafteritsconclusion,andheleftwithusfortheday.Weate

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plentyofmeals,sharedatonoflaughs(thetrainingstorieswerethebest),caughtaminorleaguebaseballgame,sawToyStory3,shopped,visitedtheRiverwalkindowntownSanAntonio,tookabunchofpicturesandjustrelaxed. Sundaycametoofastforme.Itwasdifficulttosaygood-byeoncemore,butlifehadtogoon.Again,badweatherinChicagodelayedourflightbackhome,butwewerehappybecausewegainedafewmorehoursoftimewitheachother.Finally,backonthegroundaround10PMinChicago,thegirlsandIheadedforthecarinthelongtermlotafterbeingdroppedoffbytheshuttlebus.Itwasaquietdrivehomewiththegirlsasleep,butitgavemetimetoabsorbtheeventsofthosepastfewdayswithmyfamily.Wewereateamagainforashorttimeandsharedinsomethingthatwouldstaywithusforeverandsomethingthatnoonecouldevertakeaway.Wemadeitthroughthosegates,thegateway;wesawandrejoiced.

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Photo by Nick Rubino

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Shipping Out 49

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