The UnwriTTen

rUles ofDressing as a Professional

P. 4

EffEctivE timE managEmEnt

StratEgiESp.16

Is Itpossible toprevent childhoodobesity?p. 12

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Is there hope for theChrIstIan marrIage?

ChrisTian lifesTyle magazine

february / march 2013

Till Death

16 tipS onchriStianDatingp. 14

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2931 e. madison stBaltimore, mD 21205United states of americaTelephone: 410-929-grow (4769)

editor-in-Chief: Pastor gJ Barnesexecutive editor: lady Junetta Barnes

editor-at-large: Denise Cookadvertising: antonio murchison

Design and layout:elevation media

Pastor GJ Barnes & First Lady BarnesMagazine Founders

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The UnwriTTen

rUles

Image is important. As we elevate our lives on the inside, it’s important to elevate our grooming and behavior on the outside. It all begins with how you see yourself, and how you carry yourself. One thing is certain, when one is well groomed, well manicured, and well polished, they tend to have more confidence, boldness and favor. Generally people tend to know it

within themselves when they have not done their best and that thought resonates in the subconscious. It becomes the headline in the mind and for this rea-son it can affect everything about the person.

There is however a set of professionals that have no idea what grooming is about. They tend to do what they feel is the best according to their knowledge and exposure. They feel entitled to their choices and hence they are bold in their state of not being well groomed. They are in essence comfortable wonder-ing why everyone looks at them funny.

C om m on Gro om i ng C onsi d er ati ons

1. Dress - Clothing permits you and helps you to achieve your goals. Clothes affect mannerisms and a new set of reactions; both internal and external af-fect our behavior. Clothes should compliment you, as they should a natural extension of yourself pre-senting the whole of you. They should fit well, mod-est and appropriate according to the people you are meeting, the place of meeting, the occasion/event, the time of day or season and the weather. Clothes should have a present day look and be of good qual-ity. Avoid tight fitting clothes and those that reveal your under garments. Have the right combination of colors. You cannot dress like a Christmas tree or rainbow. The smaller the number of colors you wear the better. Wash your clothes and iron them. Polish shoes daily and carry a little duster in your pocket or car. In general all dressing must be smart. Some envi-ronments allow professionals to wear casual clothes; no ties and jackets etc. Every work place can define the minimum expectations of employees so that peo-ple are not left guessing.

of Grooming and Behavior for Professionals

By Rabison Shumba

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2. Smell Good - Always use a de-odorant after bathing or shower. Deodorant is used to cover or mask your own body odor and is applied under the armpits on the skin. It is not meant to make you smell nice, hence the reason it stops having a smell after an hour or two. Baking Soda can be used as deodorant by mixing it with water and making it into a paste which is then applied under the arms. After masking your body,you can then apply perfume which has a stronger, long lasting sweet smell.

Perfumes come in three categories. Parfum - this has the greatest con-centrate and hence it is the strong-est; Eau De Parfum -has a lesser concentration than Parfum and lastly Eau De Toilette - has a lesser concentrate than Eau De Parfum. Perfumes are meant to make you smell nice and they should not be used in the absence of a deodorant. Apply perfume to the pulse points which are on the wrists or neck re-gion. Every individual has got their own preference of how they want to smell. There are many brands you can try on the market. Always note that you can easily be swin-dled by traders who peddle copies of perfume that are not original. Believe me, I have been a victim once.

3. Hair (head, face, armpits) - Clean your hair regularly. It should be well cut, well braided, plaited and styled appropriately. Avoid color-ing your hair with shouting colors such as pink, green etc. Avoid hair-

styles that are too big and too wild or weird. The more conservative your hairstyle the better. Always clip nasal and hair that comes out of the ears. For men, always shape your beard nicely.Some prefer a clean shave which is done daily. Just ensure it is trimmed and shaped nicely. Eyebrows that are nicely defined and shaped can enhance your look and appear-ance. Women should always shave the hair in their armpits (especial-ly with sleeveless blouses). Long hair tends to make you smelly and sweaty in the armpits. Protect the scalp of your head by shampooing to remove all dirt and then oiling or applying a scalp spray. Whenev-er you have lots of dandruff, it is a clear sign that the scalp is not well maintained.

4. Hand and Nails - Your hands should always be clean. The reason we wash hands before touching is because they carry a lot of germs from the many things we touch daily; computer, cash, other hands etc. Nails should generally be short for men. For ladies, nails can be short or reasonably long, clean and well presented. When nails are painted, use colors that do not shout, such as earth colors or pinks that are close to your natural nail color. Once your nail polish chips, remove it immediately or reapply. Chipped nail polish shows you do not pay attention to detail. Long nails tend to keep a lot of dirt and germs therefore the need to regu-larly attend to the portion of the nails which extends out.

5. Accessories - These are not man-datory but they enhance your look considerably. As a rule of thumb, avoid over dressing by putting on too many accessories. Accessories include necklace, ear rings, watch, fashion rings, belts etc. It is better not to have accessories than buy cheap imitations. Good accesso-ries should accompany clothes. Socks must match either the shoes or clothes you are wearing. White socks must be avoided and worn with sports gear. Belts should gen-erally be leather and of a good quality. Recommended colors are black and dark brown. The belt should match the shoes you are wearing. Any form of piercing on the nose, or tongue with the goal of accessorizing should avoided by professionals.

6. Makeup & Tattoos - As a pro-fessional, you should always en-sure your makeup is conservative. Makeup enhances and brightens the face and in some cases it re-moves marks and obvious defects. Apply makeup that is not shouting but complimenting your skin com-plexion. Ask the specialists con-cerning which colors compliment your skin. People of color gener-ally have specific ranges that are a lot different from those applied by fair-skinned people. Tattoos are to be avoided as much as possible es-pecially on parts of the body that are exposed to the outside world. Tattoos are permanent marks, con-sequently one must be cautious about living your whole life with a mark you may one day wish you didn’t have.

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7. Greetings and handshakes - One thing you will have to get used to is the issue of greetings and how to handle handshakes. As a professional you will always be meeting different people in meetings, customers, suppliers and all the relevant stakeholders in your organization. Although handshakes are necessary in some environment, be good at greeting people with your words as much as possible. It is not only hygienic but there are cultures that are of-fended when you shake their hands. If a hand is extended to you, by all means comply and shake the other party’s hand. As a professional you always greet other people in a formal manner, not using slang or native languages. In your initial statements, you are able to establish the lan-guage preference of the person you are meeting. Always be quick to switch and exercise situational sensitivity to the one you are talking to.

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8. Facial Expression & Facial Cleansing - In the workplace set-ting, as you meet stakeholders, it is wise to wear a smile at all times. Smiles are contagious. They tend to hide the personal issues one maybe going through. Frowning at people because of the personal issues you are going through will never solve the issues. Everyone has issues and the best thing you can ever do is present yourself professionally and have faith about your own personal issues. Have a positive outlook that encourages customers and em-ployees to work with you and stick around you. No one ever wants to stick around gloomy people. Your face accumulates dead cells like every other part of the body. There are facial masks, cleansers and toners you can use to cleanse your face regularly so that your face looks fresh. Sometimes people lose their original complexion from a state of neglect. A whole set of cleanser, mask, toner and moisturizer will cost you no more an $50 and this

may last you many months. Again you use a range that best fits your facial complexion and skin type.

9. Posture & Deportment Manage-ment - Standing, Walking and Sit-ting. Deportment refers to the man-ner of acting with respect to the courtesies and duties of life, behav-ior and conduct. Posture refers to the position or arrangement of the body and its limbs. Avoid slouching when standing. Stand up straight, feet in an outward position, one foot in front of the other and shoul-der width apart. This helps you to keep a balance at all times. When you walk, you need to have shoul-ders back, stomach in and chin al-ways parallel to the ground. Always start walking with the front foot, walk from the hip and not from the shoulders. Head and shoulders must be relaxed. Keep arms close to your side with the main movement from the elbow downwards. When sitting, you need to ensure that your back is straight. Ladies should sit

with legs crossed and hands crossed comfortably resting on each leg.

10. General Hygiene - Hygiene re-fers to the science concerned with prevention of illness and mainte-nance of health or a condition pro-moting sanitary practices or “per-sonal hygiene.” Brush your teeth with toothpaste at least twice daily; in the morning and before going to bed. I personally store a toothbrush and toothpaste in my office hence I have added a third time of brushing my teeth. Rinse your mouth after meals or have a mint. You can also carry mouthwash in your car or of-fice. Avoid foods that are smelly like gar-lic, raw onion etc. during the course of the day. Bathe or shower the body with soap at least once daily. Some shower twice daily which is also good, in the morning and be-fore going to bed. After bathing, use lotion to avoid dry chapped skin. Cover your body with the lotion. It also helps to close open pores.

QuickquotesQ

read quick points about elevating your life.

Know Who You areIt’s important to know who you are. understand your values, principles and be-

liefs. Often time our environment can influence us to change course on our princi-ples. but we must be clear about our standards and be strong enough to articulate

them. You are God’s child; unique and special. You are not defined by your mis-takes, but you are just made stronger by them. you are not limited by your past,

you are just educated by it. through god’s power all things are possible.

In life, we can make the mistake of becoming comfortable in our everyday existence. We like how things are going; we enjoy our routine; we are experts at life. Some of us even believe there is no need for change, and there is no need for growth. They live by the old adage, “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.” But, the truth of life is that anything that isn’t growing soon dies.

Success- “Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.” tony robbins

- “let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed.” abraham lincoln

“people often say that motivation doesn’t last. well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar

Judgement- “a ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please...” – gandhi

- Judgements become easier when your will to please god outweighs your will to please the world. ~anso Coetzer.

-“It’s better to judge honestly in pain, then a false judgment in pleasure.” pastor gJ barnes

Decisions- “greatness is not a function of circumstance. greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice, and discipline.” Jim Collins

- “when one bases his life on principle, 99 percent of his decisions are already made.” author unknown.

-“It’s not about how fast a decision is made, it’s about the how long the ramifications will last” Pastor GJ Barnes

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prevent ChIldhood obesIty

I s I t P o s s i b l e ?

by: Ron Gasparetto

we are all quite aware of the grow-ing concern of obesity in our chil-

dren today. Childhood obesity has reached epidemic propor-tions in our society, and we’ve all heard the various statistics regarding this growing trend. but what really are the child-hood obesity facts and what are we prepared to do about them?

plain and simple these are your childhood obesity facts: our children are consistently eating too much of the wrong foods, and have become the most inactive generation in the history of our society. this is not a genetic problem (which is not to say that there are some adults and children that have a genetic and hormonal predisposition to obesity), this is for the most part a behav-ioral problem, and behaviors can be changed.

think about it, is it really nec-essary for our children to be ingesting the vast quantity of refined sugars, processed foods, and hydrogenated fats that they do every day. foods and beverages that are con-sumed in such large quantities that their bodies cannot pro-cess and eliminate at the rate

that these foods are consumed. and because our children are not ‘moving’ any more, the re-sults are inevitable: skyrocket-ing obesity rates, an alarming incidence of type 2 diabetes in children, a significant increase in childhood behavioral prob-lems, with low self-esteem and a rise in depression rates.

these are your childhood obe-sity facts! the question has to asked, why are we allowing this to happen?

It certainly is not because of a lack of education or knowl-edge about what the proper foods are and what constitutes a balanced diet: complex car-bohydrates (fruits, vegetables, whole grains), adequate pro-teins, and the right amount of good fats. and we all have an idea of the benefits of exercise both from a physiological and psychological level. we may not know the specifics but we know the generalities. the in-formation and knowledge is at our fingertips, more available and accessible to us than at any time in our history.

our problem lies in our hab-its and behaviors. how can we prevent childhood obe-sity? Change our behaviors. It sounds so simple, yet why

don’t we? because changing our habits, changing our be-havior is the most difficult thing we do in our lives. we re-sist change, we are creatures of habit, with the same thoughts, and the same patterns of be-havior day after day. this leads to complacency and comfort-able laziness, and we pass this on to our children.

yet we must change for our children’s sake. all change be-gins with awareness. once we become aware of our behav-iors and the consequences of them, we can begin to make conscious choices to change our behavior and the behavior of our children. and yes it is a greater challenge in our so-ciety today than in past times. It is so much easier to grab a quick dinner from a fast food chain and spend hours inter-acting with friends on some social media network.

but if we are to change these childhood obesity facts, con-scious choices must be made for our children. behaviors can change, and when they do, the results will change, and the growing trend toward childhood obesity will change as well. Change begins with a decision to change, and that choice is ours.

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“Childhood obesity has reached epidemic proportions

in our society”

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If properly executed, courtship would greatly reduce the chances of divorce occur-ring in a marriage. Christian courtship is different from any other kind of courtship, and if properly executed, would take care of over 75 per cent of the causes of divorce. this therefore makes a good courtship important to the survival of any Christian marriage. this article will outline 17 important tips that will make your courtship a good foundation for marriage.

16 Tips For Effective Christian

Dating

by fortCh daryln

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1. Consider dating/courtship only at a time when you are ready to get married. It is no child’s play.

2. enter into courtship only with someone you would consider marrying. you must only go into courtship with someone god has approved for you for a life partner.

3. You are in courtship to confirm that God has really ordained you getting married to this fellow. In courtship you have to authenticate and be sure that god really ordained the relationship.

4. take time through prayer to discern god’s will for the new family you are about to start.

5. base your courtship in the family. family mem-ber must be involve. as much as possible, spend time with each other’s families. you need them in the marriage.

6. emotional Intimacy; guard your heart and do not allow your emotions to drive you to sin during your courtship. give yourself time to know each other.

7. Choose the right time in the relationship to re-veal intimate secrets. this might save you regrets if the relationship does not work.

8. Save the first kiss; save the first kiss till after you have said. “I do”. Kissing can ignite romance and could mean danger.

9. hugging; decide whether you should hug and in what context. hugging is an acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and love. however when prolonged, it can ignite erot-ic feelings.

10. Choose where and when to spend time alone together. this should not be late at night and or in lonely places.

11. resolve with your courting partner never to give in to sin.

12. don’t look like you’re living in sin. don’t give people a reason to suspect you are having a sexual relationship with your spouse-to-be, even though you might not.

13. be accountable; make a list together of resolu-tions and guidelines for your courtship so you can use it to watch your actions.

14. get a mentor. the mentor should be married and well acquainted with the word of god so he/she can guide and advice you appropriately.

15. Create time to pray individually and together with your partner.

16. be active in your local assembly. together, participate in church activities. this would help you understand how your partner behaves in a group.

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If you desire to have good time manage-ment then you need to have a strategy or an action plan. Following these strategies will help you get the most out of your days.

First thing to do is Prioritize your work.

Start each day by ranking the things that you much do. Starting with the most im-portant and unpleasant tasks first, then go from there. Those things that can wait for later that day should be listed towards the bottom of your list. Don’t make your list too long because there are only so many

hours in a day and you don’t want to feel like you will never get it all accomplished.

Second thing is to Assign Work Time Frame for each task.

At first this might not seem realistic but it is mostly so that you will have some sort of idea how long it will take to finish each task. You will find that once you start a task, it won’t really take very long unless it is a big project. If so, then break it down so that you can see some progress.

Use These effecTive Time Management strategies

by: Merrie C. Weeks

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Junice Rockman is a Certified Life Coach, Journalist & Relationship

Expert. Send feedback to jrockmoti-

Third Be Flexible.

Unexpected things come up from time to time so if you have to stop to take care of some other matter, do not worry and stress out if you don’t accomplished a certain task in the time frame you set. Just like the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” so make sure you allow for those time when things come up. Don’t let these things such as phone calls, im-portant emails,kids and life in general frustrate you, the important thing to re-member is that you are making progress on your list.

Fourth thing is to Say No if it isn’t important.

Whether you work from home or out of the home there are things that can dis-tract us and waste time. Limit small talk with coworkers, family, friends, etc. while you are working. Respect your de-cision to make a plan and stick to it. Oth-ers will need to understand that if it isn’t something that needs to be taken care of right this minute then it can wait.

Fifth is to Delegate.

Remember that you probably can’t do everything yourself so if there is a task that you might not be very good at or like

doing and there is someone that can do the task then by all means pass it on. In this way the task will get done and you won’t waste time putting it off because you can’t accomplish it yourself.

Compromise when necessary.

As your day progresses the urgency of a task may also change. There may be times when your tasks will need to be re-prioritized, rescheduled, postponed or dropped altogether, making adjustments if things come up that needs your atten-tion is important.

Everyone has limitations and if you re-alize what those are then you will know what you can work on later to improve those skills or know in advance what tasks you will need help with.

Learning to manage your time is not to stress your day so remember to relax and learn as you go. The more you practice managing your time, the better you will get at it. Time management is so that you will take control of your days and see how much you really can accomplish each day and then enjoy some time with fam-ily and friends. This is your only viable option no matter where you are working, this is the only way to accomplish any-thing worthwhile.

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growing, up, watching tv, we’ve all seen the movies where prince charming and his princess live happily ever after. at one point in our lives, most of us were excited about our day of happy marital

bliss and riding off into the sunset of love. but as we look at today’s statistics, and countless examples of divorcees and unhappy marriages, is there still hope for the institution of marriage? Is there a reality for the happy-ever-after storyline to go into our mem-oirs?

I want to express that the institution of marriage is still as strong, whole, and healthy as it was when god created it. for those who are single, marriage is still a place where joy and happiness can live. but in my experience, reaching the happy-ever-after plot is more about the people that are married, than the institution of marriage itself. Instead of asking the question if the institution of marriage is still worth it, we should be focusing on the question should two particular people get married in the first place?

the key to a happy, whole, and healthy marriage joined together by god is not just about what we do after we’re married, but it’s about who we are be-fore we get married. Although one can fill a library about what constitutes a happy marriage, here are just three simple points when one is considering marriage.

1. It’s not about finding the Right One; it’s about being the Right One.

often the emphasis when we are single and want-ing to get into a relationship is how I find the right person. should I be looking here; should I be going there? But the truth is it’s not about finding some-one great, it’s about being someone great. the big-gest influence on having a happy marriage is about who we’re married to, and the biggest determina-tion on who we’ll married is who we already are. when you’re a person who is whole in Christ, you are not looking for a mate as the only source of your happiness. a mature Christian tends to be a lot less desperate and more likely to know a person doesn’t make the cut. often times when we are hurt, and looking for someone to fill that hurt, we’ll disregard many of the flaws and problems that should have been red flags.

when you are whole in Christ, you understand your standards, you are clear about your criteria, and you know that a short term gain, with a long term loss is never worth it. you are also more likely to connect with someone who has the same standards as you. when people see that you are serious about your premarital standards, those that don’t fit make an exit often on their own.

D o U s a P a r T Should I get MarrIed?

by Pastor gj barnes

T i l l D e a T h

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2. Two Half People, Don’t Equal a Whole Couple

when you’re looking to get married, and you’re not ready, you’re not ready. often times people make the mistake in thinking that marriage is what they are missing in their life. marriage won’t bring joy to a sad person, or bring happiness to a lonely person. the truth is that a lonely person will em-phasize loneliness inside of a marriage. the lonely person’s focus will be more on when the spouse isn’t there, than when they are there. they’ll place more emphasis on the two times they are gone, and forget the eight times they are not gone.

I had to privilege of conducting empirical research on peo-ple in relationships at the university of maryland, baltimore County. our study looked at if couples in relationships were affected by their self-esteem. we wanted to know if someone going into a relationship with low-self esteem had higher self-esteem after being in that relationship.

what we found was remarkable in that people with low self-esteem actually invested less in their relationship and was actually more anxious about their relationship. gener-ally speaking, if someone brought negative emotions into a relationship, it only actually made the relationship worst for that person and their significant other. People with lower self-esteem had more relationship anxiety and invested less time, energy and passion into their relationships than those with higher self-esteem. the data showed that relationships and marriages don’t fix negative emotions, they only amplify negative emotions.

3. A Couple that Prays Together, Stays Together

how you interact before a marriage is a pretty good indica-tor of how you’ll interact after you’re married. If you want a marriage built on the foundation of Christ, then start with that standard in the beginning. If one doesn’t express and act upon the importance for their religious views before a re-lationship, why do we think it should hold any significance after a marriage?

when a person is looking for a happy marriage, the only way to sustain that reality is with Christ at the center. that doesn’t mean that as long as two people believe in Christ, and don’t object to going to church once in a while that he’s at the cent-er. It’s one thing for us to believe in Christ, it’s another for him to be at the center of our lives and belief on Christ. If we want a marriage that is based on the values and prin-ciples of a Christian marriage, then we must be people that live on the values and principles of a Christian. If we don’t make the Christian lifestyle the standard before the marriage, why are we shocked when those values aren’t upheld after the marriage? the reality is we can’t have it both ways. we can’t live as non-Christians, but want the Christian values in our marriage.

the true happiness and joy from marriage that we seek is possible and I live it every day! the institution of marriage is by far a blessing and I am glad that god has granted us the opportunity to be one. marriage is still as strong, whole, and healthy as it was when god created it, we just need to be sure that we’re ready for it, and it’s with the right person.

T i l l D e a T h

7 Reasons to join Now

1. Sermons that are easy to apply to life

2. Amazing uplifting worship

3. Fun Children’s church during service

4. Ongoing cutting edge workshops and conferences

5. A Friendly atmosphere

6. Community Activism & Service

7. Fun for the Whole Family

www.elevationchapel.org | 410-929-GROW (4769)

Pastor GJ and First Lady barnes