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8/11/2019 Elul Studies #3 - Is There Anybody Out There?
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Teshuva and The Modern JewStudy #3 - Is There Anybody Out
There?
{High Holiday Prayers in a World of Doubt}
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1. R. Yair Dreyfus , Marraige of the Lost : A New Reading of the
Tale of the SevenBeggars (Efrata: 2011)
The only real thing that exists for me right now is the void. Of
it, I can say many things, butit all remains as mere commentary -
to call it the empty space, to speak of faith that springs from the
nothingness, etc. From my perspective, this kind of talk closes in
on itself. I cannot
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say, or more correctly, do not believe that it reveals or
creates anything more than that [mere talk].
Regarding the question of whether God exists or not, I dont even
attempt to answer it. Icannot succeed in finding some sort of point
of contact with this level, however, I cannot
completely negate it either. To me at least, it seems
ridiculous, all these attempts with proofs
and codes as such, or to ascribe certain phenomena or events to
providence. Chaos and the Absurd are much more palpable to me than
attempts in finding some sort of order
What matters to me is the interpretation/explanation that I can
give to things. As it standstoday, the words God, Faith, Holiness
have no impact upon me. I dont understand them,and it seems that I
never did. I am not able to give them any tangible meaning at all.
They
are obliterated in this vast void.The void is too vast. I always
had difficulty with the talk of spiritual jumps which brought
an attendant new understanding and revelation. I just cannot see
that happening. Thethought that such a thing is possible fades in
the infinite chasm that gashes through the best I can do is to
simply fall, without much hope in getting to the other side.
Perhaps in the end, I
will actually get somewhere, Im not sure where, but I am not
prepared to hope for it.
I remained, lost in oblivion;My face I reclined on the
Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself,Leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies.St. John of the Cross Dark Night of
the Soul
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2. R. Shagar , In the Shadow of Faith : Essays for the Holiday
of Sukkot (Efrata: 2011)
I dont accept existence/reality. I am embittered regarding it,
and live in a constant state of fracture - a refusnik of reality.
Optimism and faith seem in my eyes as cop-outs,
resignation, and it is from the suffering that I draw my
strengths
3. R. Nahman of Breslov , Likkutei MoHaRaN no. 26
Where does the spirit exit from a shell within which the embryo
has died? And he said - fromwhere it came in They asked him: The
Tzaddik who kills himself and self-sacrifices in his
prayers and beseeching [beiuta = beseeching, beiah = egg] God -
- at which place in Tefillahshould he exert himself the most? He
answered: where he came in, that is to say, the place
in which he may/must raise the sparks of holiness are the places
in which the strangethoughts came in therefore he must raise them
up and it is specifically there in which he
must self-sacrifice , as is known.
There is so much deep contradiction in my soul. Such deep
longing for God - so deep that it is painful
- a suffering continual - and yet not wanted by God - repulsed -
empty - no faith - no love - no zeal.
Souls hold no attraction - Heaven means nothing - to me it looks
like an empty place - the thought of
it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.
Pray for me please that I keep smiling
at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His - so He has
every right over me. I am perfectly happy
to be nobody even to God. . . .
Mother Teresa , Letter to Archbishop Perier, 2.28.57 (From: Come
Be My Light , p. 169)
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4. R. Schneur Zalman of Liady , Likkutei Torah (Behukotai p.
49)
There are times in which a person stands in prayer and wishes to
connect/come close/cleaveto his creator and yet, against his will,
strange thoughts fall upon him yet, these are his
own thoughts which he thought about willingly when it was not
the time of prayer , and nowthey come to him against his will
Something which he did not want at all, never.
They fell upon him during the time of prayer specifically
because this is the time which hewanted to elevate himself and
connect, and thus they trail after him like one who wears a
long garment whose end is dragged in mud behind him. When he
wants to ascend a laddernow the muddy garments ascend with him and
the mud soon gets all over him...
5. R. Yaakov Yosef of Polonoye , Ben Porat Yosef (Beshalah p.
53)
However, at times there are thoughts one must push away, and if
you desire to know how toidentify such thoughts, which to push away
and which to draw near, one should ascertain ifat the time the
[negative] thought came in, the rectification of that thought
emerged as well -then one should embrace the thought and raise it
up And in this way we may understand
the case of the embryo which died in the shell - from where does
the spirit emerge?, that isto say, the thought that came in the
midst of prayer - which is called beitzah, that dies -
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that is, which is pushed away where does the spirit emerge? -
that is, how can we simplykill off and negate an entire avenue of
thought? Therefore we teach - to the place in which itentered -
that is, just as it entered ones mind to confuse and confound and
to push us awaythat is how it goes out, that a person has the right
to completely repudiate it [to disregard
it/leave it unconsidered].
6 . R. Natan of Nemirov , Sihot ha-RaN no. 35
He said there is a great/epic heresy that is sweeping the world
and he acknowledge thatdespite all the prognostications and calls
to strengthen in faith, in any event the heresy still
grows stronger and stronger...
when he kneels at other times and prays or meditates or tries to
achieve aBig-Picture spiritual understanding of a God as he can
understand Him, he feelsNothing not nothing, but Nothing, an
edgeless blankness that somehow feels
worse than the sort of unconsidered atheism he came In
with.David Foster Wallace Infinite Jest, p. 448
7. R. Leibele Eiger , Torat Emet (Behukotai p. 34)
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Why is the question mentioned at all in the Torah? Wasnt it
enough for God himself to promise that he will provide blessings in
the 7th year? ...rather, the questioning is referring tothe one who
is seeking faith their heart pines for wholeness and tranquility,
for this fullness
of faith they no longer perceive Gods providence in a revealed
and open way these arethe things which are hidden from man.
...In fact, the definition of a Tzaddik in all matters is
specifically because wild, spirituallydeleterious and false
imaginings/wonderments/illusions/things arise in his thoughts from
the
otherside...
8. R. Menahem Hai Shalom Froman (attributed)
Expose yourself to yourself to your deepest fear. After that,
fear has no power,
and fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.Jim
Morrison (From - The Doors : The Illustrated History)
9. Isaiah 58 ; , , ,
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William James The Sentiment of Rationality , in The Will to
Believe and Other Essays in Popular
Philosophy (Norwood, Mass: Plimpton Press, 1896), 96-7.
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