Emotional Regulation 101: Emotional Regulation 101: How Full is Your Bucket? plus How Full is Your Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving Collaborative Problem-Solving

(CPS)(CPS)

Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License

Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT

Revised Mar 19, 2013

Everyone has a bucket...

• Our bucket gets filled up when we have stress

Everyone has a bucket...

• You feel, learn, work and play the best when your bucket has “just enough” in it

Our Bucket Can Be Empty, Just Right, or Too Full!

Bucket Empty!Bored Underwhelmed, understimulated, too

little stimulation

Just Right

“Just right” or just enough stimulation

Bucket Full!Frustrated, mad,

angry, upset, sad, anxious

Overwhelmed, overstimulated, too much stimulation

Stresses that might fill your bucket...

• School– Teachers– Classmates– Friends – Schoolwork / homework

• Home– Brothers / sisters– Parents / grandparents– Chores / Rules

• Other– Doctor’s appointments!– Extracurricular activities– Friends, neighbours,etc...– Home expectations at the end of the day, etc.

HomeOther

School

Other stresses that might fill your bucket…• Sensory input: little or too much….

• Sound• Touch• Movement• Smell• Taste• Vision (e.g. light)

• Changes or transitions (because these are a change in sensory input)

• Motor stresses such as:• Too much motor demands such as

handwriting, gym, day-to-day physical demands…

• Too little motor demands (i.e. not enough movement!)

Changes

Motor

Sensory

Different Things Fill Our Buckets

• What fills your bucket might not fill another person’s bucket

• Disagreements can happen because what empties one person’s bucket actually fills another person’s!

• E.g. the same music which soothes one person may stress out another!

Q. What fills your bucket?

1. _____________________2. _____________________3. _____________________4. _____________________5. _____________________

The bad news is that you feel• Frustrated• Sad• Worried / Nervous (“Fright”)• Wanting to escape (“Flight”) • Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)• Paralyzed (“Freeze”)

When your bucket is full...

When your bucket is full...

• The good news is that you can find a way to empty it!

When your bucket is full...

• If you can only do one thing to empty your bucket, then it would be TELL AN ADULT (so that he or she can help you empty your bucket)

Its easier to empty our bucket if we can do it

BEFORE it gets completely full

We can talk about what fills our bucket…

Homework

Sounds

Mom/Dad, my bucket is starting to get full…What bugs me is•Homework: I don’t understand the math•Sounds: Its too loud!

Usual Things that Empty Buckets!

1. Distraction

2. Problem-Solving the stress that fills your bucket

Distraction using your senses

• Touch: Deep pressure, shower, bath...

• Hearing: Music, quiet, singing...

• Seeing: Drawing, closing your eyes, visualizing....

• Oral/taste: Chewing, eating, drinking something...

• Smells: Scented candles, soothing smells...

• Movement: Going for a walk, a run, getting up for a break, dancing, any physical activity...

• A favorite activity...

Q. What are some ways to empty your bucket (by

distraction)?• (Usually its doing the things you like to do, like a

favourite subject/class, activity, having fun with family/friends…)

1. _____________________2. _____________________3. _____________________4. _____________________5. _____________________6. _____________________7. _____________________

Problem-Solving Identify and deal with the underlying

stress

School•Schoolwork•Teachers•Friends•Peers•Bullies•Other...

Home•Family stresses•Parents (mom, dad)•Siblings (brother, sister)•Other...

Q. What is the stress?Stress Possible ways to deal

with it...1. ?

2. ?

3. ?

Spending time with a parent

• Spending 1:1 with a parent is a universal way of helping a child cope with any stress

What is the most powerful way to empty your bucket when full?• As an adult, when

your bucket is full (such as when you have lost someone close to you), what do you do to empty it?

A. You cry. • As an adult, when

your bucket is full (such as when you have lost someone close to you), the most powerful way to empty it is to CRY with SUPPORTIVE LOVED ONES...

Having a Good Cry• Having a good cry

with a parent is the most powerful way to empty your bucket

• Crying helps the brain adapt to any stress, even the most horrible ones imaginable

• Frustrated• Sad• Worried /

Nervous (“Fright”)

• Wanting to escape (“Flight”)

• Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)

Summary

Summary• We all have a bucket• Our bucket can get too full• When it gets full, the bad news is that we

feel angry, scared, upset, overwhelmed• The good news is that there are many

things we can do to empty our bucket• If you only do one thing, then

– TELL AN ADULT (like your mom or your dad!)– CRY ABOUT IT!

Life is like Weightlifting: Life is like Weightlifting: Collaborative Problem Solving Collaborative Problem Solving

ApproachApproach

Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License

Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT Marjorie Anderson, OT

Revised Nov 17, 2010

Getting “Just Right” is also about Life being Balanced

Challenges or stresses

that you face

What you can cope

with=

In other words…

Demands, expectations

, stresses Coping ability =

Demands, expectations

, stresses

Coping ability

•Physical (including sensory) demands of day-to-day life•School/work •Home/friends/family

Affected by...•Genetics•Presence of any conditions such as sensory processing issues

Q. What happens when demands/stresses >> coping?

Demands / Expectations /Stresses

Coping Ability

When overwhelmed, people may have problems with…

• How they feel physically• Their emotions

– Fight (e.g. anger) – Flight (e.g. anxiety) – Freeze– Sadness– Etc…

• Their behaviours – Withdrawal– Aggression – Controlling – ETc…

There are two solutions to restore the balance...

Demands / Expectations /Stresses

Coping Ability

Q. What happens when coping >> demands/stresses?

Demands / Expectations /Stresses

Coping Ability

The underwhelmed individual may have:

• Complaints of boredom and even… – Depression / anxiety / anger,

etc.. • Do things to stimulate

him/herself to keep from being bored!

Life is like WeightliftingLife is like weight lifting... balance between our coping ability, and between what demands and expectations are placed upon us.

10 kg 50 kg

Life DemandsChild’s Coping Ability

Life is like WeightliftingLife is best when you can lift what life gives you, i.e. when your lifting ability matches the weight you have to lift

50 kg 50 kg

Life DemandsPerson’s Coping Ability

Question

What would happen if you could only lift 50 kg, but someone forced you to lift 100 kg?

100 kg

50 kg

Life is like weightliftingChild’s Coping: Ability: what the child can lift Demands: what

we are asking the child to lift

100 kg

50 kg

AnswerYou’d get hurt, injured, bruised, and be extremely stressed! And your nervous system would get angry [“fight”] or scared, anxious [“flight”], or “freeze”...

100 kg

50 kg

Q. So what is the solution?

100 kg

50 kg

Answer

50 kg

1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child is successful2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase expectations again over time

51 kg

Answer1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child is successful2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase expectations again over time

50 kg49 kg

How do we reduce expectations?

• By triaging, or prioritizing your main expectations into 3 baskets, we can reduce the number of expectations to the point where your child is successful

• After a period of success, one can gradually increase the expectations, step by step

We triage, or prioritize your main expectations into 3 baskets, thereby

reducing the number of expectations to the point where your child is successful

Basket BNegotiableexpectations

Basket CExpectations to justforget about for now

Basket ANon-negotiableexpectations

Basket A• Expectations that go into Basket A are non-

negotiable expectations– Safety related issues

• E.g. No running in the street• E.g. No hitting your sibling

– Other mandatory expectations • E.g. Going to school• E.g. Eating dinner with the family • E.g. Doing chores

Basket B• Basket B are all the negotiable expectations that you

have for your child• Something that you want your child to do, but you are

willing to be flexible, negotiate or compromise about it • Example

– You want your child to participate in the family by doing chores, but you are willing to negotiate with your child over which chores he or she does

– You want your child to do homework on weekends, but you are willing to negotiate with your child over when your child wants to do it

Basket C• Basket C expectations are things that you

expect from your child which currently cause conflict or stress, but when you really think about it, they are expectations that you are willing to just ignore for now

• Example– You prefer that your child wears matching socks to

school, but you are willing to ignore that for now– You prefer that your child doesn’t swear when angry,

but you are willing to ignore it for now

Write down all the expectations (that cause conflict) that you have

1. ___________________________2. ___________________________3. ___________________________4. ___________________________5. ___________________________6. ___________________________7. ___________________________Etc…

What are your Basket A expectations? (non-

negotiable)1. ___________________________2. ___________________________3. ___________________________4. ___________________________5. ___________________________Etc…

What are your Basket B expectations? (negotiable)

1. ___________________________2. ___________________________3. ___________________________4. ___________________________5. ___________________________Etc…

What are your Basket C? (things to just ignore for

now)1. ___________________________2. ___________________________3. ___________________________4. ___________________________5. ___________________________Etc…

Acknowledgements and License• Thanks to all the children, youth, families, educators, and fellow

colleagues who have helped give feedback on the Bucket!• You are free to share and distribute as long as 1) these

materials are not used commercially, and 2) as long as materials are distributed in its entirety

• If you are a non-profit organization / health professional, feel free to contact use about adapting these for your own use

• Knowledge must be shared

Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License