EQUIPPING Counselors TO EMPOWER Students Directors of Guidance
Conference September 2012 Presenter: Marcey Mettica, MS, LPC-Intern
Under supervision of Dr. Brandy Schumann, LPC-S, RPT-S, NCC Slide 2
Welcome What do you hope to learn today? Slide 3 Goals of
Misbehavior Recognizing it and what to do about it Internal
Motivation Encouragement vs. Praise Specific Tools Limit setting
Choice giving Coping skills Wheel of Choice Brain Works Whats Ahead
Slide 4 Objective 1 Participants will learn four goals children
have for misbehavior and how to meet the childrens needs with
positive alternatives. Objective 2 Participants will learn the
difference between an internal and external locus of control, how
to create internal motivation, and the importance of doing so.
Objective 3 Participants will learn the difference between
encouragement and praise and be exposed to the latest research on
the importance of the distinction. Workshop Objectives Slide 5
Objective 4 Participants will learn how to teach positive coping
mechanisms for children and specific activities and tools to do so.
Objective 5 Participants will learn how to teach positive problem
solving skills to children and specific activities and tools to do
so. Objective 6 Participants will be equipped with information and
tools to improve the effectiveness of their counselors in
supporting students and training teachers. Workshop Objectives
(Cont.) Slide 6 Why do they do that? What should I do about it?
Childrens Goals of Misbehavior Slide 7 1.Gaining attention
2.Gaining power and control 3.Proving inadequacy 4.Getting revenge
CHILDRENS GOALS OF MISBEHAVIOR Rudolph Dreikurs, Children the
Challenge Slide 8 GOAL 1: Getting Attention CHILDS FEELINGS /
ACTIONS I only count when I am being noticed. Im only important if
I keep you busy with me. Child bothers others, shows off, minor
mischief, class clown OR shy, uptight, messy anxious, or lazy.
Slide 9 GOAL 1: Getting Attention Annoyed, irritated, exasperated.
Reminds, coaxes, pleads, gives attention. Temporarily halts childs
behavior when given attention. ADULTS FEELINGS / REACTIONS Slide 10
Reflect understanding I care about you and will spend time with you
later Redirect by assigning a task so the child can gain useful
attention Set up routines and regular duties Use problem solving
skills Ignore unwanted behavior when possible Touch without words
and use of nonverbal signs POSITIVE ACTIONS TO MEET CHILDS GOAL FOR
ATTENTION Slide 11 GOAL 2: Gaining Power CHILDS FEELINGS / ACTIONS
I only count when I am dominating you or others. I only count when
you do what I want you to do. You cant make me! Argues,
contradicts, tantrums, defiant, dishonest, power struggles OR
forgets, stubborn, disobedient, lazy. Let me help, give me choices.
Slide 12 GOAL 2: Gaining Power Angry, threatened, challenged,
provoked Preachy, domineering, engages in power struggle Punishment
escalates behavior because child works harder to be the boss ADULTS
FEELINGS / REACTIONS Slide 13 Redirect to positive power by asking
for help or assigning task Offer limited and age appropriate
choices Dont fight or give in Dont engage in a power struggle Be
firm and kind Whisper Let routines and rules be the boss Encourage
positive behavior and choices POSITIVE ACTIONS TO MEET CHILDS GOAL
FOR POWER Slide 14 GOAL 3: Proving Inadequacy CHILDS FEELINGS /
ACTIONS I cant do anything right. If I try, I will fail, so I wont
try. Child gives up, is discouraged, and isolative. If corrected
feels nothing or even worse and stops even small efforts. Slide 15
GOAL 3: Proving Inadequacy ADULTS FEELINGS / REACTIONS Helpless
Gives up Does too much for the child These actions will reinforce
feelings of inadequacy in the child. Slide 16 Encourage any attempt
and celebrate small successes Break tasks down into small steps Set
up opportunities for success Teach skills / model Dont do it for
the child Build on childs interests Stop all criticism Have faith
in childs abilities Dont give up! POSITIVE ACTIONS TO MEET CHILDS
GOAL FOR INADEQUACY Slide 17 GOAL 4: Revenge CHILDS FEELINGS /
ACTIONS I need to push others away to protect myself. I am
unlikeable. People hurt me. Malicious, violent, bad loser, steals,
hurts OR pouts, threatens, withdraws, moody. Help me, I am hurting,
acknowledge my feelings, care about me. Slide 18 GOAL 4: Revenge
ADULTS FEELINGS / REACTIONS Hurt, shocked, angry. Wants to get even
or withdraw. Punishment and retaliation leads to more hurtful
actions and escalating pushing others away. Slide 19 Encourage
strengths and positive behaviors Acknowledge hurt feelings Use
reflective listening Avoid punishment Build trust Show you care
POSITIVE ACTIONS TO MEET CHILDS GOAL FOR REVENGE Slide 20 Hardest
to like and they know it Must build a connection with them
Non-verbals account for up to 93% of what we communicate Notice and
comment when he/she makes an improvement even a small one Apologize
if necessary what you do may not be as important as what you do
next Reflect feelings BEFORE taking action communicate
understanding Spend time with the child when he/she is being good
Take a time out if you need one THE MOST DIFFICULT CHILD Slide 21
BREAK OUT SESSION What is the childs goal of misbehavior? How
should it be handled? Slide 22 Motivation: The general desire or
willingness of someone to do something CAN YOU MOTIVATE? Slide 23
INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL MOTIVATION Internal Driven by intrinsic
factors (self, pride, goals) Driven by curiosity and exploration
Enjoyable Self motivation External Driven by extrinsic factors
(parents, teachers) Rewards, deadlines, threats, social pressures
Driven to please others, seek rewards or avoid punishment
http://positivepsychologynews.com/news/eleanor-chin/200901041123
Slide 24 Integrating The Two Intrinsic motivation is important to
self-motivation Too much makes us self-indulgent External
motivation is needed to fit in the world Too much decreases
motivation Balance the goal with finding the right path Listen what
motivates and excites the child? Observe what are the childs
strengths? What do they enjoy? Reflect help the child notice these
things about him/herself Encourage rather than praise Slide 25
Praise vs. Encouragement Whats wrong with saying Good job! A
confusing and difficult concept for some Slide 26 Praise after a
task then becomes expected Children learn to perform rather than
create Praise is evaluative and judgmental Praise reduces
self-reliance and self-control Encouragement influences success
later in life Encouragement enables self-motivation Encouragement
recognizes effort Effort, discipline, and emotional strength =
critical life skills WHATS WRONG WITH SAYING GOOD JOB
http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/encouragement.html Slide 27
ENCOURAGEMENT VERSUS PRAISE PRAISE Promotes rivalry and competition
Focuses on quality of performance Child feels judged Fosters
selfishness Creates quitters Fosters fear of failure Fosters
dependence ENCOURAGEMENT Promotes cooperation and contribution for
the good of all Focuses on effort and joy Child feels accepted
Fosters self-interest, Creates triers Fosters acceptance of being
imperfect Fosters independence
http://www.thekidcounselor.com/articles/encouragement-vs-praise
Slide 28 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? PRAISE You did great! You are the
best student! You are always on time! Your picture is so pretty! I
am so proud of you! Youre a good helper! ENCOURAGEMENT Focus on
effort and improvement You figured it out! Describe and show
interest You decided to... I see you are really thinking about
this... Show confidence Sounds like you have a plan... You know a
lot about... That is tough but I bet youll figure it out Focus on
contributions You made a difference by... Would you help me? Notice
positive actions You didnt give up... That was a kind thing to
do... You are determined to get that done Slide 29 Helpful Articles
and Videos about Praise VS Encouragement Articles: How Not to Talk
to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise. By Po Bronson
http://nymag.com/print/?/news/features/27840/
http://nymag.com/print/?/news/features/27840/ Five Reasons to Stop
Saying Good Job! By Alfie Kohn
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm If Praising Kids Is Bad,
What Should I Do? How I Negotiate the Encouragement Problem. By
Heather Turgeon
www.babble.com/kid/child-development/how-to-praise-kids-encouragement/
www.babble.com/kid/child-development/how-to-praise-kids-encouragement/
Videos: The Myth Of Praise, ABC News.
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8487839http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8487839
Michael Jordan Failure commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szchttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc
Michael Jordan Maybe Its My Fault commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=PH8nTfxwByY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=PH8nTfxwByY
Slide 30 SO WHATS A COUNSELOR TO DO? YOU NOW Understand children
have goals for their misbehavior Know why encouragement is better
than praise Know why developing an internal locus of control will
reduce the need for external control NOW WHAT? Specific tools and
programs Slide 31 Limit Setting Choice Giving Healthy Coping Skills
Wheel of Choice Problem Solving Brain Works SPECIFIC TOOLS Slide 32
A-C-T A Acknowledge the childs feeling Accept the feeling not the
behavior C Communicate the limit Simple, calm, and firm T Target
alternatives What is acceptable EXAMPLE: A You are really mad that
you cant have the book right now C But someone else is reading it T
- You may read the book when we return from lunch or tomorrow,
which do you choose? LIMIT SETTING Slide 33 Using the word CHOICE
or CHOOSE returns responsibility back to the child Choice giving is
a great tool to empower children Give both parts of the choice the
consequence and the positive part Always follow through CHOICE
GIVING Slide 34 A FEW EXAMPLES: Suzy, if you choose to put the doll
away now, you may choose to play with it again today. If you choose
to not put the doll away now, you choose to not play with it again
today. Sam, you may choose to sit quietly and continue listening to
the story we are reading or you may choose to get a puzzle and sit
quietly at your desk. Kelly, you may choose to walk to the back of
the line or you may choose to hop to the back of the line. CHOICE
GIVING Slide 35 Stress, anger, sadness = poor attention and memory
Poor coping skills lead to high risk behaviors School triggers
stress but also a safe place to learn Normalizes feelings Peer
learning Kids learn coping skills (+ & -) from parents, peers,
and teachers COPING SKILLS Slide 36 Why teach positive coping
skills? Increases students self confidence and self esteem
Increases internal locus of control (intrinsic motivation) Reduces
behavior problems in the school Teaches positive life skills Two
Programs Wheel of Choice program (elementary) Brain Works program
(pre-teen/adolescent) COPING SKILLS Slide 37 Based on Positive
Discipline in the Classroom Curriculum based approach with 14
lessons Teaches life skills Students can create their own choices
Gives students a visual reminder and easy to use tool WHEEL OF
CHOICE PROGRAM Program created by Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott
Information presented with permission from Jane Nelson Slide 38
Positive Discipline Lesson Plans 1.Share and Take Turns 2.Apologize
3.Ask Them To Stop 4.Be a Friend 5.Go to Cool-off Spot 6.Count to
Ten 7.Ignore It 8.Mistaken Goal Chart 9.Put It on the Agenda 10.Say
What You Want 11.Try Again 12.I Messages 13.Work it out Together
14.Ask for Help Complete program available at
www.positivediscipline.com Slide 39 WHEEL OF CHOICE
WWW.EMPOWERINGPEOPLE.COM Information presented with permission from
author, Jane Nelson Slide 40 CREATE A WHEEL OF CHOICE TOGETHER
Horizon School Newport Beach, CA Classroom in Horizon School Slide
41 Many Lesson plan ideas and comprehensive school program
(www.copingskills4kids.net)www.copingskills4kids.net Teach brain
knowledge Brain development Nearly fully developed by age 12
Frontal lobe development up to mid 20s Kids eager to learn about
themselves What happens to the brain when we are upset? How can we
better manage our emotions? Brain Works Project Slide 42 Handout of
Project Example Emotional experiences Loss, rejection, betrayal or
humiliation? How do I feel inside? How does this experience make me
feel about myself? How did I cope (+ and -)? What is something
positive youve learned about yourself through this upsetting
experience? Brain Works Project Slide 43 Have older students
brainstorm a list of positive coping skills Explain that sometimes
people choose negative coping skills (i.e. drugs, alcohol,
self-harm, aggression, isolation etc.) Distribute the list Each
student can create their own Wheel of Choice with coping skills
that work best for them POSITIVE COPING SKILLS Slide 44 Great links
from Polk Elementary School Website Dearborn Heights, Michigan (see
handout) http://polkdhsd7.sharpschool.com/staff_directory/p_
b_s_behavior_intervention/tier_1_interventions/teach _coping_skills
Additional Resources Slide 45 Breakout Session Create your own
Wheel of Choice for Your Personal Coping Skills Slide 46 PLEASE
COMPLETE EVALUATION FORM Marcey Mettica, MS, LPC-Intern Under
supervision of Dr. Brandy Schumann, LPC-S, RPT-S Child, Adolescent,
Adult and Group Counselor Play Therapist and Parenting Trainer
[email protected] Therapy on the Square 114 E Louisiana, Ste. 201
McKinney, TX 75069 972-439-5160 direct 972-886-8375 office
