Essay Writing 2

5/22/2018 Essay Writing 2

1/5

Essay Writing (Mock XAT-1 Essay)

Directions: Study the following argument and present your views on the same in not more

than 350 words. You are expected to present your analysis using suitable facts (evidence),examples, opinions; arguments in favour of the topic; alternative explanations or counterexamples which might weaken the conclusion. You may also cite changes in the argument,that would make it more logically sound, and points that would help you better evaluate its

conclusion, if required.

"We who live in freemarket societies believe that growth, prosperity and human fulfilment

are created from the bottom up, not the government down. When the human spirit is

allowed to create, and individuals who believe in the magic of the marketplace are given apersonal stake in deciding economic policies and benefiting from their success only then

can societies be dynamic and progressive; contradicting the notion that rigid governmentcontrols are essential to economic development."

Essay 1:

In a free-market economy like that of the United States, the government does not intervene

in supply or demand through laws controlling market entrants or setting prices. The bottom

up approach here involves established standards and regulatory bodies which haveindividuals elected from the society. The IMF, World Bank, International Finance

Corporation, Bretton Woods institutions and the GATT have facilitated individual enterprise

through free-market principles. The East India Company developedtrade hubs, ports,

financial centres and cities like Singapore, Hong Kong, Cape Town, Mumbai. Likewise, theindustrial revolution, spirit of entrepreneurship and technological innovation drove the

engine of growth in the last three centuries. Today iconic individuals like Narayan Murthy(Infosys), Ratan Tata (TCS), and private organizations like Petronas (Malaysia), Tata andReliance (India), Walmart (US), Warren Buffet and Bill Gates Foundations (US) have created

growth.

Free-market societies through "the interest of commons" lead to competition, more profits,

wastage of resources, overconsumption, illicittrade and tax evasion. Rich nations havegot richer and poor poorer. The power, petroleum, timber industries have led to

environmental degradation. There is a monopoly of diamond cartels and unregulated minesworldwide as illustrated in the film "Blood Diamond". Kingfisher airlines misused the aircraft

sale and lease-back model to siphon off bank funds of Rs.2200 crores. In absence of rigidregulations, pharma companies will sell drugs at higher prices to make profits.

Economic policies cannot be decided solely by individuals. The diverse marketplace includes

commodity markets, banking services, defence which work differently but are related to theothers. Increase in interest rates by the banking sector leads to increase in costs ofcommodity products. Government controls are required, otherwise corruption will increase.

There should be policies for inclusive growth and social upliftment. The government needsto be involved in overseeing economic policies related to space research, defence, medicalfields, education, nuclear power-plants, energy etc. Regulations like Kyoto protocol should
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2/5

be made more stricter to check global warming. To improve transparency, instead of income

tax, there can be a transaction tax, so that even if people engage in illicit transactions, they

will be taxed. Other sectors like the service sector can be left to the bottom up approach ofthe free-markets where individuals drive growth.

Rigid government controls and total freedom are independently insufficient. We want

neither another bankruptcy (eg. Lehmann Brothers) nor license raj which prevented freemarkets. We need a mixed approach. The government should support entrepreneurs, frame

effectivetrade controls, waive off tax policies for foreign trade engagement, reducespending and tax rates, balance the budget, maintain a stable monetary policy. Economic

instruments (policies, trade, remittances) should be strategically integrated with

government controls. Synergy of expertise in trade, finance, energy, telecommunications isrequired. Protection of national interests, IPR, shutting down terrorist access to financial

networks etc cannot be the sole prerogative of free-markets, the government must play its

part.

Review of Essay 1:

The essay is a well-written piece expanding on the given argument. The differencesbetween the top-down and the bottom-up approach are explained. The essay cites historical

background (how free-market societies developed), gives many examples of economies or

regions using free-market principles. Other examples from current affairs linking theoreticalaspects with practical observations are also mentioned. The essay discussed negative

aspects of the free-market economy as well. The essay ends by providing valid courses ofaction or solutions for the scenario discussed by maintaining a neutral position that both

government controls (top-down) and bottom-up approach may be required.

The essay could be made better by citing the scenarios prevalent in China and previously

Russia and how the government controls over there still ensure a liberal economy andgrowth. Also limitations of the essay in terms of the argument being too focussed on those

who live in freemarket societies (and not other societies) need to be discussed. One also

needs to explicitly explain under what circumstances the argument is valid and when it fails.One also needs to come up with counter examples to contradict the notion that rigidgovernment controls are not essential for a prosperous economy.

There are no grammatical mistakes in the essay. The thought flow could be improved byexplicitly starting the paragraphs with a broad description of the content of the paragraph.

Eg. The topic is valid.., Other examples which reiterate the point in favour, Theargument is weak., The essay argument could be improved..

Inspite of an absence of the intro-headers for each paragraph, there are very strong pointsand examples discussed in this essay. Overall, a very good essay.

Essay 2:

The argument's (a famous quote of Ronald Reagan) conclusion that economic prosperity of

a society/nation is dictated by a 'bottom-up' approach and not the top-down' approach,though logical, fails to consider societies other than those that are 'free markets', thus
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3/5

making the argument questionable and weak.

The argument is valid in pointing out that in free market societies, when the individual isgiven a stake in the decision making and in the success arising out of it, individuals and

hence societies prosper. When the markets are free from any external or governmentalinfluences, both production and consumption are maximized and markets set prices in the

most efficient way. However, if governments interfere with excessive subsidization onconsumption, the production is bound to get affected and the state of equilibrium between

the supply and demand that dictates prices is disturbed. Similarly, high taxation on sellers,though spurs income for the governments, will inevitably result in high prices in the

markets, a situation no economy would want to be in.

However, authoritarian economies such as China contradict the argument's claim that the

top-down governmental regulations are not essential to economic development. In a society

like China, which is a single political party set-up, where citizens have no control over whatpolicies are implemented, the fact that the country has been succeeding economically overthe past decade cannot be overlooked. Though China remains a closed political society and

exercised rigid governmental control, it is liberal in its economic policies, which have helped

see the growth of the country. For example, the opening up of Chinese markets to ForeignDirect Investment has been instrumental in boosting the economy. Here, an individual's

belief in free markets does not play a role.

The argument is weak primarily because it relies only on the aspect that individual freedomstirs economic prosperity but conveniently ignores providing substantial evidence of how

rigid governmental controls are not essential. The argument would be more persuasive if it

weighs both the notions on similar grounds.

Review of Essay 2:

The intended flow of the essay is as follows: (a) acknowledge that the argument though

valid is insubstantial and fallacious. (b) Explain under what circumstances the argument is

valid and when it fails.(c) Provide counter example to contradict the notion that rigid govt.controls are not essential for a prosperous economy.

The second paragraph of the essay focuses only on "prices". There are more negative

consequences of a freemarket economy that need to be discussed. The third paragraphexpands on the situation in China only. More practical and specific examples of the positive

benefits and misuses of economic policies under both "top-down" and "bottom-up" approachneed to be highlighted.

The overall structure of the essay is good but content needs improvement. Courses ofaction, remedial measures etc need to be expanded and not mentioned in passing.

Essay 3:

The American Constitution enshrines health, wealth and the pursuit of happiness as the

birthright of every individual. Unfortunately, the American dream today upholds only the

endless pursuit of monetary gains as a democratic given.

The overconfidence of the speaker in the topic who assumes capitalism to be the messiah of
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4/5

society and Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations as the Bible of the unenlightened

socialists borders on arrogance. This rhetoric would have been laughable had it not reflected

somewhere the machinations of Wall Street gurus who have humbled and discarded theharworking 99% of Americans after squandering their lifetime savings in high-profile

speculations.

Efficient markets do not generate employment and competition does boost quality and drivedown prices to the everlasting benefit of the consumer. But the world is not a glitzy mall

and was never meant to be.

Adam Smith himself cautioned that capitalism is not Darwinism and called for a more

equitable redistribution of resources among the underpriveleged to ensure that no one is leftbehind. Business ethics should have been the Hippocratic oath of capitalists, but it is

increasingly evident that let alone largesse, even fair play seems to be alien to the

bottomline of an organization.

Most policy makers, though belatedly, have realized that neither capitalism nor socialism

can by itself fulfill the socio-economic obligations of a political body. And, hence the welfare

state.

No corporate should ever assume the role of a feudal overlord of slaves who can be used

and thrown away at will. For the class divide is the biggest bane of today's society. Theyouth who leave schools and colleges early to join the labour classes are no less humanthan Ivy League graduates who are the movers and shakers of the world. Unequal

opportunities prevent many a promising bud from glowing in full bloom. And this is where

the government can step in to redress the balance if societies are to be progressive at all.

Promoting equitable social development and fair standards of living cannot be left to the

mercy ofmarket forces. If an elected political party is to justify its raison d'etre to thepeople at large, it must promote economic justice by checking the greed of capitalists andensuring humane dignity to every individual, regardless of social status.

It would be just as well if policymakers, while taxing the financially sound population toensure welfare benefits to the indigent, professes that there is life beyond a reasonablebank balance and that one must spend quality time with one's loved ones and be prepared

for the divine bliss of a spiritual world thereafter.

Review of Essay 3:

The essay needs improvement. Ideas need to be more coherent and explained in details.

The use of poetic expressions and general statement could be reduced.

The essay is divided into eight neat paragraphs, which makes easy reading. The

introduction is arresting and comes to the point without beating about the bush Further, theessay is vivid with telling imagery of capitalistic exploitation which damages the credibility of

the topic beyond repair. The essay employs market logic and rubbishes its oversimplificationof human life. It frames capitalism in a more realistic light and slowly explains the rationalebehind government intervention in the economy. The essay then makes no bones about the

fact that capitalism benefits capitalists, and introduces the poetics of socialism. The essayreiterates its main point that an elected government should promote equality and thensubtly moves from socialism to the promised land where purity of soul and not purity ofgold

matters.
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5/5

The essay nonetheless appears hastily written and lacks finesse. Sentences are unduly longand grammatical errors need to be taken care of.

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Essay Writing 2