Everyday Death (Alien)

8/3/2019 Everyday Death (Alien)

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everyday

deathand

continual

rebirth

Creating balancefor warriors.

Wendy Reese, MA


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Copyright 2011 Wendy Reese, Peace in the CityAll rights reservedBut spread the message, share my stuff. Publish it on your site, tweetlinks, post it on Facebook, print vast paragraphs in your destined-to-bebestselling book...with attribution credit to yours truly, please.

Every day I die again

and again am reborn.Every day I have to find the courage to

Walk out into the street with arms out,Got a love you cant defeat.Neither down nor out.

Theres nothing you have that I need.I can breathe.Breathe now.-U2, Breathe

Im trying to tell you something about my life.

Maybe give me insight between black and white.And the best thing you ever done for meWas to help me take my life less seriously.Its only life after all.-Indigo Girls, Closer To Fine

As long as I breathe I shall fight for the future, that radiantfuture, in which man, strong and beautiful, will become master ofthe drifting stream of his history and will direct it towards theboundless horizons of beauty, joy and happiness! Leon Trotsky

For Alex and the warriors who teach me.


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Introduction 4

Sacrifice of Self 8

Balance 12

Warriors and Teachers 16

Mother 19

Liberation 21

Sacred Gifts 23

I Am 29

Never Die 31

Acknowledgements 33

About the Author 34

T

able

ofCon

tents


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Ben Lozarre asked a question to my graduate class, Areyou serious? He paused. Are You Serious?SMACK ! The cosmic 2x4 connected upside my head. Inthat moment, I got it. I understood exactlywhat he was

asking.

There is a small voice, deep within that calls to us. The ego,ranting and screaming, often drowns out the voice. Goodthing the voice is a persistent little bastard. It is all knowing;our calling, our purpose, our path. It guides us along, givingus the strong feeling of truth or the warning signs of beingoff, sometimes veryoff. If we dont listen, we get our buttskicked. Not fun. Bloodied and bruised, we have to decide:do we want to finally listen and learn the lesson, returningto our path of growth or do we need a couple more rounds

to figure it out? Im fine is the big, fat lie that we tellourselves and anyone who cares enough to ask. Yet, weknow we are not fine. The small voice knows we are notfine, yet most of us are too proud to admit it. At thatmoment in time, I was not fine. So much so that the ego,stunned into silence, allowed me to really hear the smallvoice in that moment.

As Ben continued his lecture, afloodof memories washedover me: the girl who wanted to cover wars from behind

the lens of a camera and thus wake people up to the realityof the world, the idealistic college student who dreamt ofbeing a U.S. senator because she thoughtshe could instigatechange, the young woman passionate about helping peoplebe healthy, the woman who was chosen by yoga to be ahealing teacher, and now this woman, sitting in front ofBen, remembering her community she was fighting withand for back home. I had made a decision to liveintentionally and authentically. Are you serious? Is this

what I really want? Am I serious enough to do somethingabout it? Yes. Okay then, the Universe responded, prove it.There were so many years of repressing my dreams, mypurpose, my calling, but the Universe continued to put me

in this place to livemy gift. That gift is also a curse at times.It requires seeing and speaking truth, often truth is notdesired to be heard by everyone who claims to be fine. Inorder to live it, I have to get filthy in the mire and muck,which stinks and causes much discomfort. However,growth never, ever happens when things are easy. Andtruth be told, when I do my job right and finally get theperson I am working with to see their own hidden jewel, asthe Buddhist call it, it is a pure adrenaline rush. The rush isso great that it is addictive. To dance with that lover,though, I have to get dirty again and so the cycle continues.

Fortunately, the lover and her dance of adrenaline areseductive enough to make me forget the challenges thatcome along with her.

Precious stones are rarely, if ever, found glittering andready-to-wear. No, they are covered in layers that must bepolished before being utilized in their final state. Yet, theminers see the value in that lump. For me, a miner of thehuman gems, the value is in the kid who makes a choice totry a little harder in school rather than join a gang or turn to

a life of crime. It is the woman who chooses to love herselfenough to heal old wounds and thus set boundaries onwhat is and is not okay behavior from people whopreviously mistreated her. It is the young girl who does notkill herself after being bullied about her body. It is thewoman who pours her heart out for her community andfinally takes the steps to expunge her felony and get herGED at age 50. It is the soldier who no longer can sleepafter witnessing the horrors of war who allows me to


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energetically hold his heart in a moment of vulnerability,trust, and pureness. It is the person who wakes up andtakes accountability for their happiness and quits blamingthe world for their misery. I may never see those gems in

their final, polished state, but I know they exist and it keepsme and the cycle going.

Are you serious? moments are handed to all of us whodecide to live intentionally, consciously, and authenticallyallthe time. Really, they are handed to everyone, but mostpeople sleepwalking through life just see them as obstacleson their path. Honestly, they are kind of a pain, yet I amgrateful because they serve as signposts for my small voiceto confirm I am on the right path. I know that it is a pushand pull of balance, like Newtons third Law of Motion,

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Ihelp a person, another is hurt by someone else at someother time. Why bother? Maybe if I quit, it would all stop.No. It does not work like that. There is a pattern, a tapestryof life, and we are all called to leave our impression, athread here or a thread there. Sure, one person can make anenormous dent in the atrocities of the world like Dr. MartinLuther King, Jr., Gandhi, Biko, or Nelson Mandela. Weknow they did not do it alone, though. They had much helpfrom millions of people gathering to contribute to the big

picture they wove into the larger tapestry. What I am beingcalled to do is hard work, really hard work. There are fartoo many moments where I wonder what the hell Imfighting for anyway? Does it matter? Yes. It does. OscarWilde said, Every saint has a past and every sinner has afuture. I walk that fine, sharp edge, existing betweensinner and saint. I know I am not alone.

We are all called to live out our unique expression in thislife, with the connecting cord in all of us being the energyof love. How can we be love? How do we love? How do weallow our self to be loved? In this sense, I feel like I have

become a warrior. I know there are probably true, physicalwarriors reading this, rolling their eyes. However, I knowthe battle of the soul is just as painful, damaging, andchallenging as a battle between humans. I watch it everyday, in myself and others, and the wounds, while usuallyinternal, leave just as great of a scar as most physical battles.What do I fight for? Love. Not the emotional kindexpressed with I love you to some romantic interest orfamily, but the energetic kind. The energy that causes me tofight for what I believe in; to lift a car off a pinned child; towake up and do it all over again, day in and day out, when I

am worn to the core because there are people counting onme; to walk away when it breaks my heart because I knowin my soul that is the best choice; to sit next to a dyingloved one and hold their hand while I muster all mystrength not to lose it; to breathe rather than lash out; tofind the strength to keep living when I just want to closemy eyes and never wake up. Those are just a few examplesof the energy of love. This book is certainly an expressionof that energy. Reading this book is an expression of thatLove, too.

This is a work in progress stemming from a very longstruggle I have had for years. I see the essence in people, aplace from which they are often disconnected and havemaybe even forgotten about on a conscious level. Hurtpeople hut- themselves, others, or both. They are notbroken and do not need fixing. I feel called to help themreconnect with that essence. What happens, though, whenthey are so disconnected they can no longer reconnect? Can


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I love enough to provide the safe space of reunification?Can I help them heal? Or is there any hope left? Perhaps,over the years, I will have opportunities to revise mythoughts. For now, there is a deep calling to share sometools. This is for you. This is for those want to beintentional and are struggling with your own purpose, forthose who are being called into a space that contradictswith the soul, for those who know there is something moreand death is not really your favorite option. I dont buy intothe idea of being broken or that our experiences warrant amental health label. No, I think we use these experiences totouch the soft spots, strengthen our spiritually weak spots,and use them as fuel to help others heal, thus helping usheal.

Really, though, this book is for the aliens. A dear friendtold me about this concept many years ago. Aliens live onthe fringes, in the borders around the rest of society. Wedont fit in, but we cant go homeat least not yet becausehome (if youre reading, I suspect you already know) has nogeographical location or walls. So we wander, like refugees,trying our best to assimilate (or not) and doing what we dobest (or fighting against that). It is in the margins of life thatchange occurs and is slowly, often far too slowly, integratedinto the masses.

Sometimes, we are lucky to connect with other aliens andwe can feel home. That is such a blessed feeling. Weenergetically sit our bags down, have a few drinks, breathe,and talk. Aliens cantreally talk much when we are in themasses. The blank stares and raised eyebrows of skepticismand judgment of insanity are enough to make us guard ourwords. We know, though, when someone is open, even if itis for a short moment. When opened, they hear, remember,

and connect. Remember, because everyone came here withthis knowledge but most promptly forgot in the birthingprocess. It is in the remembering that they begin toreconnect with their essence and Source, that thing somepeople call God, some call Universe, or a good friend ofmine calls the Great Mathematician. It is a beautiful thingand probably what keeps me going and sane.

I believe in sacred contracts made before we came into thislife. Honestly, it is the only was I can understand and acceptthe horrors that exist in this world- dis-ease, kids being usedas human shields, women being mutilated to removepleasure in sex or hung for refusing to cover their face, thesweet, kind, had-everything-going-for-him boy who dies at20 from an IED. Perhaps our untimely death is a way to

help someone else grow in a scared contract to which wewill never be privy. I dont know, but makes more sensethan no explanation at all. I just wanted you, the reader, toknow that is where I come from and the only way I cankeep going and helping others heal from the horrors weexperience in this life. I do not expect you to subscribe tothis philosophy, but hey, if it helps, run with it!

Hopefully, together we can find a space of liberation wherewe can take a collective deep breath and be long enough

to see that our missions are not always what we think theyare and they are never over. Are scared right now? I am,too. Are wondering if this is it and all there is left? I do, too.I know you know youre changing and there is a part of youthat will never be the same. I get it. Been there, done that,bought the souvenir and will probably repeat it a few moretimes. Thats cool. Until then, we keep gathering the toolsand weapons for our journey and battles. We have to healour wounds, release the fear and rage that resides in the


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deep, dark crevices of our souls, and get on with notsleepwalking through this short little journey of life. This isnot about self-help. I am not really into New Age stuff. Ilike science. I like to test what I learn to know first hand ifsomething works before I teach it. Truly, this work is justabout waking up, being authentic, and getting to a placewhere we live really, really well. Sounds pretty good to me.Beats the hell out of being an ass, being miserable, andsuffering through life like a zombie.

If you are tough enough, feel broken enough, are justcurious or bored, join me. What do you have to loose? Atthe very least it is entertaining and who knows? You maygain a new tool for your arsenal.


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In our eyes, individual terror is inadmissible preciselybecause it belittles the role of the masses in their ownconsciousness, reconciles them to their ownpowerlessness, and turns their eyes and hopes towarda great avenger and liberator who someday will comeand accomplish his mission. Leon TrotskyI was lying on my back, next to one of my closestfriends, staring up at the stars in Mexico, listening tothe waves crash on to the shore nearby. All I couldthink of was, Why am I still here? I was notdepressed, or at least I didnt think so. In fact, I feltfairly at peace. I simply did not see a purpose to mylife.

There are moments in life where intention may exist,but action feels really, painfully, slow, if at all existent,and we wonder, what next? It is painful to live in thein-between. We know there is something more. Weknow we want to be there in that place. We have noidea how to get there. During this time, it is soincredibly easy to slip into the oblivion ofnonexistence, believing our life is not purposeful,sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness.

Despair can either bring about destruction or theultimate in co-creation. When we reach despair, weturn our backs on help from everyone in order tofully absorb the toxicity until the point that the soulssurvival mechanism kicks in. This is, as ThomasMerton calls it, extreme self-love. The soul remindsus, You aint done yet, kid.

We must pause and reflect on the now, with a nod to thefuture and an acknowledgement of our past. When I hit thispoint, I realized there were some things I had to figure out.What prevents me from completely emerging in the life thatI desire to live? What am I living for? If I am not done,what do I need to do? What makes me feel alive? Those lasttwo questions can be particularly difficult to answer whenin the state of despair. However, something has made youfeel alive at some point. What was it about that experiencethat made you feel alive? What makes you smile? I buildupon those, regardless of how tiny they are. I rememberonce forcing myself to watch videos of my favorite comicsto remember how to smile and then eventually how tolaugh.

We are so brainwashed to be action and result oriented. Gether done right now! This mentality breeds greed, expectationsand disappointment. It completely separates us from thepresent moment, robbing it of the purity, the truth of thework itself. The darkness doesnt usually come onovernight, and it aint going away overnight. You dont justget over it. Where is the humanness in just getting overit? The humanness is the value that renews our purpose.

It is not about solving problems, our own or others, it is

about learning. Pema Chdrn says, If we learn to openour hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazycan be our teachers. Why is it so damn challenging?Because of the mirror being held up to our own hearts bythe actions of others. To heal, we need for compassion,confidence, and fearlessness. Things come together andthey fall apart, that is where the lessons lie.

Sacrificeo

fself


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Truth is so powerful, so valuable, that it is protected byconcentric circles of fear, guarding that ever-presentquestion, Are you serious? We face anger, fear,embarrassment, jealousy, frustration, resentment,disappointment, and any number of shadow emotions asmoments of clarity to see where we are holding back andblocking our energy of Love. No point to trying to avoid orremove those qualities because they, too, are teachers.Better just to embrace them, use them, learn from them,build empathy and compassion on the backs of theshadows.

Sometimes we are called to sacrifice by stepping back evenfurther and giving space for another being to wake upwithin those shadow emotions. You know what I am

talking about. You decide to wake up and do somethingabout this pain or numbness. You start doing the work. Asyou start to raise your energy vibration, heal, and wake up,you can see the shadows in others. Your buddy going downthat slippery slope of self-destruction, your girl having anaffair out of loneliness. You want to lash out. You want towake them up. Its not your job. Sometimes they wake upon their own and sometimes, they do not. We know theirpotential, we can see what they are about to lose and yet,we have to wait. Hell. Pure hell. And purse sacrifice of self.

Truth is available to anyone who is willing to respect andshare it unconditionally. Sharing this, through words orsimple actions, isour great responsibility. Open the heart.For so many, that requires unwrapping the barbed wiresurrounding the outer layer of bricks and mortar of theprotective wall built in front of the ten other obstacles inplace just toget to the heart . It is so well protected that thebody has begun to physically wrap itself around the heart,

shoulders caving inward, the spine changing alignment, andthe head sinking downward, all of this to protect the softspot. Still the lessons keep coming, gently urging us to openour heart.

If we open, we are exposed. Being exposed is vulnerable.We are trained that vulnerability will kill us, but thevulnerability of which I speak is what keeps us living. It isnot about being weak. In fact, quite the opposite. It iscourageous. It is purely about opening in the right spacewith right action to be completely open and real. It is aboutallowing another to see us for who we are, allof us, eventhat for which we are most ashamed, and know that we can,indeed, stillbe loved unconditionally. We always have been.There is a great line in Right In Two by Tool,

Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability tolive to light a heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.However, we are human, we need tangibility.

Faith is beyond our grasp most of the time. We need to seeand feel to believe. We are shown through others, but onlywhen we open. Being open means being okay with death,knowing that when the time comes that we take our lastbreath, all lessons have been learned. That is truevulnerability. All existence is in us, with us, around us. What

reason is there not to open? We need the connection of thefellow warrior, of the Great Mother, of the tender touchwhile completely naked and exposed that tells us, we arestilllovable no matter what we have done. That connection andvulnerability comes from our deep understanding andrecognition of pain. This knowing allows us to sit togetherwithout trying to fix, hide, or remove our shared pain. Inthis way we become like water; flowing around andtranscending obstacles.


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Lao Tzu writes in the Tao 78:

Nothing in the world is softer and weaker thanwater.Yet, it transforms the most rigid of surfaces.Nothing can take its place.The weak overcomes the strong.The soft overcomes the hard.Everybody in the world knows this,Still nobody makes use of it.Therefore the sage says:To bear the country's disgraceIs to rule the shrines of soil and grain.To bear the country's misfortunesIs to be the king of the world.

True words seem false.

Still, we try to build dams against the watery energy of Loveas we shackle our hearts. We want to scream whileoverhearing the meaningless and benign conversations ofpeople who sleepwalk through life. They gossip aboutfamous people whom they will never know, they shareother peoples stories like the stories are their own to share,they worry about appearance and reputations, anything andeverything that matters not one bit! It is enough to drive

the aliens/warriors nuts.

We sometimes long to be numb in order to stop all thisinsanity of the realness of life. Maybe we try to numb itwith food, adrenaline, alcohol, drugs, sex, anything to justshut the broken record of memories and flashbacks, thewoulda, shoulda, couldas in the brain for a bit. After a longenough period, it just happens, the blessed numbness, abalance that allows daily functioning. Eventually, it

becomes a curse because there are no feelings whatsoever,just numbness. Our soul takes battle with the ego to feelsomething, anything. The process begins again, this timepushing and pushing the limits because, really, if we cantfeel anything, then what is the point of even being alive?How long will the heart and the body last? If we are notreally living, then why is our body still here? If death isalways just around the corner, then why not march right onup, stare the fucker in the eyes, and see who gives in first?

The mission is not over yet. We know that. The small voice,though numbed, is still gnawing at us. We have to figureout what next. How do you keep living, keep feeling, andkeep functioning in a world full of zombies, especially ifyou are one of those zombies?

Maybe we hope our fates catch-up sooner than later.Perhaps they will. As long as we are herewe must seek thebeauty, even in the hideous. We must stand in the fire andbe willing to be consumed in order to rise from the ashes.We must find what sustains us when nothing else is left.

We sacrifice for the self, refusing to settle, in order to fullylive. We let go of relationships, jobs, homes that do not letus vibrate at our highest energy. We risk being alone in

order to more fully be with others and be more fullyourselves. If we refuse to let go in order for the self to soar,eventually, it is sacrificed for us. We serve and move fromthe energy of Love even when we are bone tired and feelwe have nothing left to give because, ultimately, we knowthis is what fuels us, what sets us free.


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Once upon a time, I thought I could save the world, help tocreate peace. I know better now. The world does not needsaving. Peace is not what I thought it was, but more of aspace where love, respect, dignity and compassion coexistwith death and violence. I have come to a place to believein balance. There are two sides on every page: light/dark,yin/yang, war/peace, scarcity/abundance. It is the pageitself, the space between atoms, the space between ourthoughts, where all is One, interconnected and balanced.Though we do not live there permanently, we can certainlystrive for to be in balance with the interconnection.

Where does the balance begin? Within the self. It is theconnection to feeling the sensations in our body that points

us in the right direction of our purpose. In other words, canyoufeelall the emotions, positive and challenging, and usethem as a guide to where you need to be in each moment?Sounds like it should be so simple. Oliver Wendell Holmessaid, I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side ofcomplexity, but I would give my life for the simplicity onthe other side of complexity. It took me two years tomove through the process of learning how to like andlovemyself and also to understand what are my core values andbeliefs. How do I love myself (or others) even when I am

or they are not acting lovable? How do I love myselfunconditionally? How do I love others unconditionally?Maybe it is that one, briefest moment, where we feel theconnection of the Source of Love. Then, just as fast as itcame, it is gone. Balance. Imbalance. Life. Are you serious?

Getting stuck in the thinking part to where you forget thebody exists until it reminds you is really, really easy to do.We are like chickens with their head cut off only were

heads running around disconnected to the body. This iswhere the complexity began again and I had to learn how tofeel. Most of us are much more in touch with our shadowqualities. Though, we often invest much energy striving tokeep them buried or at least at bay. Some people just revelin the darkest crevices of the shadows. Out of balance, theshadow side becomes controlling and all encompassing.The darkness weaves through all our relationships,especially the one with our own self, its seeds planteddeeply in our thoughts. Without balance, we begin the cycleof internal destruction through thoughts and behavior orexternally through abusive or aggressive behavior towardsothers. In other words, living in the shadow world makesyou a first class jerk.

Integrating the shadow and light qualities into a place ofbalance, the shadows begin to guide us and serve as ameasuring post. The shadows provide a space for us toview others more empathetically and compassionately andultimately accept the shadow within all. Trust me, we allhave them. We all have needs and we all make choices eachand every moment to fulfill those needs. Sometimes, thecost is high and the choice is not very efficient. When weexperience our emotions as sensations, they serve as a guidefor making less costly, more efficient decisions in each

moment. Those decisions lead to actions. We can finally getto know ourselves for the first time in a way that brings life,creativity, color, and depth to our lives.

Pema Chodron said, The only reason we don't open ourhearts and minds to other people is that they triggerconfusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or saneenough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly andcompassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless


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about looking into someone else's eyes. Our interactionswith others reflect back to us what we most need to healwithin ourselves. Ouch. We are called to love others evenwhen we feel they are not worthy. We are called to loveourselves even when we feel we are not worthy. That loveis what makes us and them worthy. Getting to that spacemeans healing what hurts us, thus holds us back. Yet, whatisholding us back?

We have all experienced the fight, flight or freeze response:when we experience a fear or a threat to our existence, realor perceived, the brain prepares the body. Very simply, thebrain has three parts. The instinctual brain (brain stem)regulates the body in the present moment includingcardiovascular system control (heart rate and blood

pressure), respiratory control (how fast/slow, shallow/deepyou breathe), pain sensitivity control (numbness), alertness,awareness, and consciousness. The emotional brain (limbicsystem) regulates the endocrine system (hormones) andautonomic nervous system; heart rate, digestion, respiratoryrate, salivation, perspiration, diameter of the pupils,urination. Finally, the rational brain (cerebral cortex) is thealert, conscious, logical, and organizes information,anticipates and plans. Unfortunately, in high stresssituations, the cerebral cortex is the last to engage as the

lower and mid-brain prepare the body for trauma, makingrational decision making and the ability to process andassess the situation rationally almost impossible. All of thiscreates a tremendous amount of energy.

The body, prepared for the trauma and/or experiencing thetrauma, will store the energy generated by the preparationfor and existence of trauma until it can be properly released.Humans release traumatic energy the same as animals. The

initial response if fight or flight is not possible is to freeze.The body immediately reacts in a protective mechanism;crouching, dropping to the ground, seeking a protectivebarrier from the threat. This is the moment that things feellike they are in slow motion. It is a mind trick designed tohelp the rational brain have enough time to process what todo. The next phase is the body to begin to shake or tremor.This is also where crying may occur. The final phase is withgasping breaths before the heart rate and breathing begin toreset and self-regulate. It is important to allow the processand not attempt to stop the process of releasing the energy.If we are with someone experiencing trauma, the thing todo would be to sit compassionately and touch them just tolet them physically know they are not alone and are safe.

What happens if you are stuck? What happens if day in andday out, you find yourself in situations of freezing? Whathappens when the emotional shock is so great that the bodyfreezes? There is another state after fight, flight, and freezecalled submit. You play dead. Instinctually, if an animalplays dead, the act might convince the predator to stop theattack. It buys time to potentially escape, even if wounded.The mind knows this and can create the same experienceonly the submission can also be emotional. I just shutdown, A part of me died, I went numb are examples

of this. Without knowing how to properly release, in a jobthat causes repeated triggers of freeze and submit, this hasto happen in order go back out and do the job again andagain. Each time submission occurs, resilience is a little less.There comes a point that the only way to keep goingwithout releasing the energy is to fool the body into somesort of normalcy through medications. Are you really youwhen that happens?


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Eventually, there comes a point of not being in conflict.Chronic immobility creates numbness, shutdown,entrapment, helplessness, depression, fear, terror, rage, andhopelessness making the body an enemy. Ultimately,immobility/freeze is about survival. The brain knows whatit needs to do to increase the chances of survival. This isnot bad nor does not mean we are broken when we getstuck in immobility, more like a pattern or an injury thatneeds to be released and healed. Hurt people hurt; we hurtourselves or we hurt others or some combination. Whenyour worldview is shattered and there is nothing there toreplace it, you start from scratch. We are forced to make achoice: life or death. Choosing life, we have to begin toreconnect with the body, understand what positivesensations feel like and build on those successes as well as

embracing the darkness in order to reunite with balance.

What do you feel? Our thoughts are not our reality thoughwe can become so intertwined that we confuse them asreality. Body awareness provides a necessary break to healfrom the chronic immobility and all its associated physicaland emotional symptoms. Disgust manifests in the body asnausea and the desire to turn away. Fear manifests as adesire to run and a tensing of the whole body. Angerinitiates the instinctual desire to attack, which tenses the

neck, shoulders, arms, forearm, jack, and upper back.Depression manifests as inability to focus, dizziness,wanting something but not knowing how to attain it,heaviness, and headache. In contrast, joy is expansive andbuoyant which allows breathing to be deeper and fuller.What are you feeling. Take 5-10 minutes when you wakeand before bed (throughout the day if you can remember orhave time) to just notice what you are (or are not) feeling inyour body, both sensations and emotions. Awareness can

dissolve the pain, emotional or physical, generated byunreleased energy in the body. Additional ways to releasethe energy will be described in the chapter on Sacred Gifts.

Growth happens at various stages and degrees ofconsciousness. Perception is reality. From a distance we canjudge, but we all see and own our problems, perceivingthem as significant. Perhaps the challenge for the warriors isto be compassionate enough to know all people needhealing from their pain, even ourselves. I find myselfwondering, can I slow enough to recognize anotherpersons fears, concerns, needs, and wants? Can I help himto see how taking accountability for his own life allows himto discover the meaning of his own existence? Can Ieducate about serving others, caring for greater needs than

our own, brings healing in broader realms, but also to theself? Can I search out the structures beneath current eventsor, moreover, my own behavior, deconstruct them andrebuild them systematically from the energy of love?

The problem is that suffering is suffering. It is not up to usto judge the degree or worthiness of the suffering. At theroot lie fear, anger, and sadness. The roots run deep andwide. They are perennial and are often passed on fromgeneration to generation. It is easy to cast judgment, turn

away, or simply ignore such suffering. We do similarversions when we deem large groups as bad when they actout of suffering. It is easier to annihilate than to heal. Theproblem with generational suffering is that acting withviolence does nothing to stop the suffering. That would belike weeding dandelions in the front lawn in the spring witha fucking golf club, watching the pollen spread and takeroot rather than digging up the root and removing the


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suffering. One takes far less time in the immediate, but hasfar lasting consequences.

The other problem with violence is that it is not creative.Ultimately, the Source of love calls us to co-create. Whenwe block that flow of energy, it has nowhere to go but todestroy either ourselves or others. Co-creation takes morecourage than destruction. Co-creation and dedicating ourthoughts, actions, and service from the energy of love is theultimate selfless living. For if we were to even live this way25% of the time, how much less room there would be forthe pettiness! From this space of living, how can weconsciously deflect responsibility for our own lives,emotions, thoughts, and actions? Imagine a world wherepeople truly cared about each others well being rather than

their demise.

In this space, even those whose sacred contract is to kill,much like the character Arjuna in the Bhagavat Gita, coulddo so through the energy of love. Krishna tells Arjuna:

For a warrior, nothing is higher than a war againstevil. The warrior confronted with such war shouldbe pleased, Arjuna, for it comes as an open gate toheaven. But if you do not participate in this battleagainst evil, you will incur sin, violating your

dharma and your honor.i

I believe Krishna was saying, you made this choice beforecoming here, now to step away from it would be separatingfrom the Source of Love, and certainly breaking the sacredcontract. Do what you gotta do for now and when thatcomes to an end, do something co-creative with those skillsand experiences you gained from the battles fought.

There is a balance in living from this space of co-creation.We will not always do nice things. Sometimes, we must dothe most difficult things, but we can always do them in theco-creation of love. We honor the space where we are Onewith the other person or people. This is very different frombeing empathetic and negating our sacred contract, hatingthe other being, or creating duality. We have to be able topractice forgiveness of ourselves and the pain we inflictthrough the ripple effect on others, for the other whoengaged in this contract with us, and in a society that hascreated a duality that preys on cowardice, lack of creativity,and the need to destroy.

This space of co-creation also allows us to live among thesleepwalkers and the ignorant, the uneducated, unaware, or

uninformed. Just like children, we must have patience whilethey are learning, gently guiding as needed, and applyingstrength as needed, but knowing the cosmic 2x4 will alwaysdo its job in just the right time. We seek balance momentby moment.

The Gospel of Luke, 12:48 quotes Jesus, "For untowhomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required:and to whom men have committed much, of him they willask the more." We warriors and aliens are the stone in the

calm water that creates a ripple into our immediate circleand into ever widening circles of influence. While we mustspeak our truth and hold space for others to do the same,there is a distinct difference in tapping into shared orsimilar grief and healing verses tapping into the grief toinflame or ignite it into a spirit of vindication, revenge, anddestruction. We will not always know the impact we make.We will, however, always know that we are being held tohigh standards and responsibilities because we have been


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given the gift of sacred memory. We will be leaned on andcalled upon, and at times, almost sucked dry. Yet, we mustgive more.


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A Zen fable about heaven and hell:

A powerful, revered samurai comes to a Zenmaster and says, "Speak to me of the nature ofheaven and hell."

The Zen master looks him in the face and says,"You? You are a vile, disgusting, miserable being.Your mother must be ashamed. Why do youthink you are worthy enough that I should tellyou anything?"

Consumed by rage, the samurai draws his swordand raises it to cut off the master's head. TheZen master says, "This is hell."

Instantly, the samurai understands that he hasjust created his own hell, dark, raging, filled withhatred, self-protection, anger, and resentment.He recognizes that he was so entrenched in hellthat he was ready to kill someone. He drops hissword. Tears fill his eyes as he puts his palmstogether to bow in gratitude for this insight.

The Zen Master says, "This is heaven."

We choose. Day in, day out, we choose: heavenor hell. It shifts, moment by moment, eachmoment stacking on top of one another.Emerson said that the ancestor of every action isthought. The power of the mind is greater thanany weapon, more secure and stronger than anyprison because it needs no walls or locked gates(in fact, the gates are wide open) to imprison,

and yet, has the capacity to heal better than any physician,medicine, shaman, or medicine man.

Sometimes, we do not choose the situational hell we findourselves in. Our choice is in staying in that hell ortransforming it into something better. For warriors, we aimfor the balance in our thoughts of strength with gentleness,action with integrity and forgiveness, light with shadow, andpurity with experience. To the average person, this soundscrazy. Yet, weknow that every time we fall out of thatbalance, the lesson will cross our paths again until we finallytemper it through the energy of love in order to createbalance.

In Closer To Fine, the Indigo Girls sing: Darkness has a

hunger thats insatiable and lightness has a call thats hardto hear. That appetite is within each of our souls. Injustice,tyranny, greed, bias are all justifiable causes for the wars wefight, but those qualities are not solely out there, they arewithin us. They shape our thoughts. The energy of thethoughts grows collective and shapes the globalenvironment. Battles continue to wage on, with the greatestbattle to be fought being in our own soul. Can we slay thefear?

Fourth century Taoist, Chuang Tzu, said there are five rulesof combat: faith, companions, time, space, and strategy.Now, I have never been in real combat. Ive had my fairshare of battles, though. When I made the choice to writethis, I did a lot of listening to stories of those who havefought in war, particularly OIF/OEF and Viet Nam. I haveworked with gang members and kids in the department ofjuvenile corrections, addicts and abuse survivors and what Ifound was no matter what the battle, Tzu was right.

W

arriorsandt

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Faith in what? In ourselves, our comrades, our God, love,the inability of the opponent, pure dumb luck? Perhaps allof these. Faith is a belief that there is some greater goodworth fighting for, worth risking all we know. Faith keepsus going as we trudge through the shadow lands. Faithserves as a blanket of comfort in the cold nights ofunknowing. Faith is believing there is a reason for whatseems evil, chaotic, or insane even when it makes zerosense or is deeply hidden from the light of humanity. Faithis the parenthesis that hugs the painful gap where we longand search for an answer.

Our companions in combat help to support and protect us,laugh with us as a weapon against fear-based insanity, and

breathe with us in the silence that cannot support words.They are our witnesses to the spectacularly heroic orhorrific actions we engage during battle. Such witnessmakes us closer because we know that story of one anotherand can still accept each other, probably more so than thosewith whom we are in close relationships with outside ofbattle. Comrades are critical because we cannot fight abattle with someone whom we do not trust.

Time is of the essence and is everything. We bend it, wait

with it, speed it up and slow it down much like ourheartbeat, simply through our presence (or lack of) in themoment. Presence allows curiosity and fascination becauseit is a yin, or feminine, quality. Which is precisely why, timewill heal everything, even if it can only produce a scar toprotect the formerly gaping wound of our soul. Timeprovides enough experience and wisdom to gain insight tothe most perplexing issues, including the how? of life

even when you cant put words to it. You just fuckingknow.

Space is necessary to breathe, observe, and co-create. Withspace, we enlist intention and shift into our subconsciousskills. We generate space through our thoughts. We needspace to retreat, regroup, renew. Space is also necessary forholding sacred witness for others. Space is one of ourgreatest tools and weapons in this life and yet is so oftenignored or mismanaged.

Strategy goes beyond the battlefield. It is obvious how itplays onthe battlefield, but strategy is necessary to leavethebattlefield. At some point, we must return to the land ofthe living, where no one knows the experience we have

lived. No one knows the challenge, the pain, the fear, or thedepth of all emotions, except those who were with us. Suchknowledge makes it easy to wrap those cohorts around uslike a protective blanket. In the absence of those witnesses,it is far easier to build walls andpretendto live within society,going through the motions and repeating like a sacredmantra, Im fine. Unfortunately, thatis certain death via abillion paper cuts, slow, dull and painful. It is a self-imposed prison with no walls, only a gate, which is notlocked.

Rumi offers us a remedy to this self-imposed prison in hispoem A Community of Spirit:

There is a community of the spirit.Join it, and feel the delight of walkingin the noisy streetand being the noise.


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Drink all your passion and be a disgrace.Close both eyes to see with the other eye.Open your hands if you want to be held.Consider what you have been doingMove outside the tangle of fear-thinking.Live in silence.Flow down and downin always widening rings of being.

Warriors fail. We seek answers, often only receiving morequestions, which ultimately keeps us on our paths, seekingmeaning. We know heaven and we know hell. We live themboth. Sometimes we wander into a hell created by anotherperson or group. However, each time we cross the gates ofour own personal hell, we have to reach deeper and deeper

to tap into that source of Love. The mind filters so rapidlyand tries to do what it knows is right to protect fromvulnerability or judgment while the heart and body continueto process. The energy, unreleased, is then stored in thebody. This process can be overwhelming and often thereason many of us struggle to sleep. Yet, we need rest forthe body to avoid relishing in the shame and guilt, castingblame, or projecting onto others the intolerance and lack ofacceptance of our own self in our mind in order to trulyprocess and heal.

Nature is a teacher of the cycle of life and energy of Love.A seed germinates, pushing into the earth, while pushing upto the light. As it reaches the light, it converts it to foodthat allows the root to push deeper down and force theleaves to grow ever upward into the light. It is life in itssimplest form. It is what we are called to do over and overagain, live, grounded and growing. Life is a continuouscycle of cells, thoughts, and ideals dying and rebirthing.

Turmoil is when the ego attaches to what it knows, resistingchange, rather than stepping into the ebb and flow of lifeand death.

In nature, we are reminded of the ecosystems, thesymbiotic relationships whose balance is so fragileinterdependent, a gentle reminder of the delicacy of life thatcan so easily be disturbed. We all play a part,interdependent, relying on one another. Communities aresimilar for the individual to the families, into the schools,religions, jobs, government. Man relying on Earth andEarth relying on man, man relying on mankind, a fragilebalance. We can all learn from one another and realizebeyond borders, genders, races, religions, and sexualpreferences that we are the human race.

We have to start observing, listening, and thinking criticallyin order to survive the current insanity of greed andintolerance. Every man is someones son and friend,possibly someones brother, cousin, uncle, lover, father.Every woman is someones daughter and friend, possibly asister, mother, cousin, aunt, lover. When the skin is sliced,we allbleed red. Beyond right and wrong there is a fieldwhere we can all learn from one another. We may just learnwe were incorrect about something we passionately

believed in. This takes vulnerability, which is scary. Thistakes courage, which sometimes is difficult to summon.

I remember a moment on my journey that I chose to opento a fellow warrior and as such, a teacher. The rusty armorshed, left in a corner where I was able, if even for thebriefest times, to leave it. There I sat, face to face, naked inmy being, completely myself. This is rare, which makes it allthe more precious. Those two hours of heaven often carry


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me through my shadow moments of purgatory that bordershell. I believe we have sensais to remind us of what we soeasily forget, the power of our thoughts, the Onenesswithin each of us that has the power to co-create ordestroy. My teacher reminded me to not mind what Icannot control, let all be what it is meant to be, and learnfrom the shadows without judging. It is our continualchoice, moment by moment, day in and day out: heaven orhell.


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I was in meditation and I felt her presence. Shewrapped herself around me, her red, velvety andsatin robes engulfing me like warm blankets on avery cold night. Indeed, a cold night of my soul.Sssshhhh she whispered as she rocked. Therhythm of the rocking, in time with her heartbeat,slowed my pulse as well as the raging fear. I wasin the arms of the mother. This was not mymother. My mom had never fully filled myperceived duties of motherhood, though she triedher best. The Great Mother is something muchdifferent and something we all have to betterunderstand.

The Great Mother: one of the most powerful and

original teachers shared by all and inall. The Onewho nurtures and sustains us. She empowers us tokeep going, do our best, and loves us regardless ofthe evil we may engage in. She offers us safetyand security through space, be that a home, nest,womb, in which we are able to heal and co-createagain. In that space, we re-connect with theenergy of love.

We receive two great gifts from her: receptivity

and surrender. She allows us to be activelyengaged in awareness. She pierces ourimpenetrable hearts. Though we may be noble inthought, we are often weak in action. Insurrendering to Love, we wake, become mindfuland willing to co-create. Manifestation. Action.Strength.

She teaches us tenacity. We must persist in this

battle for Love. Great patience is required. As warriors, ourinstinct may be very clear about the mission, yet we cannotchange another person or group. We must hold space andremind them over and over how to love and be loved.Warriors often get ahead of their destiny. Waiting is painful.She just laughs and says, Wait, child, the time will be heresoon. Until then, go polish up your skills! Stay focused.

The Great Mother is infinitely resourceful. She gets the jobdone, making use of seemingly useless materials. Shereminds us that having little to nothing does not matter aslong as we have our creativity that leads to innovation andchange. She sacrifices her needs in order to serve others.Wise are those who follow such example, avoiding waste,ultimately increasing efficacy and sustainability.

The Great Mother is protective of her young. We mustlook out for those who cannot care for themselves byproviding shelter, food, water, security, and the toolsnecessary to be self-sufficient when needed. Yet, we mustprotect our precious gifts, our energy, and our soul fromthose who callously take advantage of our Love, energy,and resources.

Mother is the great creator. From her, springs all life. She

nurtures through gestation and then has to release hercreation into the world. As do we. It is a willing sacrifice,repeated time and time again. We tap into the motherenergy by giving until we feel we cannot give anymore andthen we start again, bloodied and bruised and do whatneeds to be done for the children, be that literal orfigurative. The heart rips open at such level of sacrifice andwhat is left is unconditional love.

Mothe

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She is the feminine energy that grants forgiveness,encourages us to forgive, and gestates us until we are ableto birth in self-forgiveness. Perhaps we are fortunateenough to get that lesson early on. For most of us, even theawake and aware ones, we may learn how to forgive others,and we may accept forgiveness, but forgiving ourselves istoo great a burden to bear, or so we think. That is when wereturn to our loving Mothers embrace, feel her cheek onours, and just wait in temporary shelter from the storm.Should we wait too long to forgive ourselves, she willcontinue to arrange opportunities, Are you serious?moments, to try to prompt us to do what we need to do.She wants to see us drop to our knees, throw our arms out,head back and scream, YES! I am ready. Once again, herheart rips open, but this time with proud, unconditional

love because she knowsthat we have transported to the nextlevel on our journey.

The Great Mother teaches us to be humble and grateful.Gratitude is what empowers us to be abundant and share inthe abundance with others: gifts, energy, light, and love. Shereminds us of our manners, Say please and thank you, benice. We do. We try.

She is in us, of us, and we in and of her. She is our source

of comfort, our shelter, or guide. Though we may say,Father, or call out for who we know as our earthlymother, the Great Mother is who we call out to in the weehours of the night and certainly in the dark night of thesoul. She is always there with us to guide us through ourjourney because she is within all. Hers is the energy to self-nurture and heal and it resides within us. We just have toclose our eyes momentarily to tap into her energy forourselves or to help others.


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Emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none butourselves can free our mind. Bob MarleysRedemption Song.

Our battles generate enormous energy. Only time candetermine who has truly won. The fate lies outside ofthe warriors hands. We ask ourselves, Did I doeverything I could? Did I fight for Love? If theanswer is yes, we can rest. If no, we resume battle.Perhaps not today, nor tomorrow, but the lesson willreturn and we must be prepared.

Thomas Merton said, Peace demands the mostheroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. Itdemands greater heroism than war. It demands

greater fidelity to the truth and a much more perfectpurity of conscience. How, then, do we findliberation and thus, the peace on the other side?Forgiveness.

Who do we forgive? Anyone, everyone, and mostimportantly, ourselves. There is a confession of sinsin the Book of Common Prayerin the Episcopal Church,We confess that we have sinned against thee inthought, word, and deed, by what we have done and

what we have left undone. That is a pretty broadstroke, but certainly sums up the necessity for self-forgiveness. Everything starts within. We play a role.We must be accountable for our part. Father MichaelLapsley gives us three questions to contemplate:

What was done to me (us)?What did I (we) do/did to others?What have I (we) failed to do?

Can you answer those or are your pride and ego toobig?

A simple forgiveness ritual can be performed anywhere, atany time, on anyone, including ourselves. Typically, this isperformed as a meditation. This includes four sentences:

I forgive you.Thank you.I am sorry.I love you.

In meditation, the practice can be taken deeper byexpanding upon the sentences. First, we imagine theperson we are focusing on sitting in front of us. We lookbeyond their human form into their essence. Yes, deepdown, they have a core that connects them to the Universe

and all who are in it. Hard to imagine, but its true. Whatactions do we choose to forgive? There is absolutely noreason to hold back. This is the time to let everything goand release. What has angered us, saddened us, caused usfear? In your mind, tell them.

Now we thank them, if for no other reason, than foragreeing to help us on this journey through this process ofgrowth. Pain is an awesome teacher, her lessons arefacilitated through others actions. We thank them for the

being who they are, in this space and time, for that lesson.What else are we grateful for concerning them or thesituation?

As we say we are sorry, we own our responsibility in thesituation. We often remain energetically bonded throughour victimhood of repeating the story, casting blame,shame, and guilt, or even just holding onto anger. What

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else? What is your part in this? How have you let thisimpact other relationships?

Finally, we say, I love you. This could be the hardestpart. We are not condoning the action or behavior that has

caused pain. We are not agreeing to forget. Nor are weagreeing to like the person or re-engage in any form ofrelationship with the person. Loving the person allows usspace to love ourselves, to heal ourselves, andconsequentially, heal others. This is critical to our largermissions in this life.

Now, repeat the process, forgiving, thanking, loving andapologizing to our Self.

The battle does not have to be over there or solelyoutside of us. It is easy to see the enemy in others, but weforget how we are also the enemy. There are so manyworthy battles right under our noses. At the root, it is aboutLove (theres that word again, right?). We all need to be fedand healthy, have a safe place to live, and to feel respected.Far too many people have no chance; education systems arefailing, corporate greed weakens entire communities, theenvironment is deteriorating, and we are all striving for anAmerican dream that just does not exist. Success has to be

redefined and scarcity mentalities released.

There are children with great, sacred gifts coming to theearth at this time. Perhaps, you are a parent of one of thesechildren. Now, more than ever, we need be healthy forthem, to shelter and protect them as they will be the nextteachers, healers, warriors, and aliens. They understandLove, energy, forgiveness, justice, and interconnectedness.Though the sleepwalkers will inadvertently cause great

damage in the world through greed and entitlement, theycannot destroy what is indestructible. The youth understandthe values that are indestructible. Therefore, a time willcome when true abundance will have less to do withphysical resources and more to do with internal resources.

This new generation will usher in the next stage ofliberation. They need us to be prepared, to lead, to teach.


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I looked up at the sky above the soils of India, literallyhalf way around the world from the place to which Ihave keys and a bed. The stars smiled down upon me.I recognized all the familiar cast of characters,especially the Big Dipper which has always felt like

the giant question mark in the sky, appropriate for mynever-ending search. I have seen these familiar friendsall over the world. They remind me that we all areunderneath, common ground on unfamiliar soils. Isaw a shooting star and made a wish. Empty. Pure.I know I am a part of the dance.

We were called here, to this weird blue ball of a planetpropelling through space, yet we have forgotten someof the most important lessons and resources in our

arsenal when we arrived. We must be diligent inremembering, like a warrior constantly keeping hisweapon prepared in tip-top shape. We walk slowly,somehow knowing we are making change. Ultimately,all change starts within, so we continue to learn, grow,open. Revolutions are painfully slow to start, yetwhen they do, they are often swift and effective. Youup for a revolution?

We need tools and rituals to keep us balanced. We

need to reconnect with how to feel good again, to feelanything in some cases, or an awakening from theimmobility in a way that does not repeat the cycle ofimmobility. We need to find a way to dive below thesurface of the chaos that surrounds us both externallyand internally, resting in the stillness to reconnectwith the Oneness that exists still. This is not anextensive list, but these have certainly played a role inmy journey, so I share them with you. I hope you will

share yours with me and we can increase our toolbox. Therituals are the little things that ground us, regardless ofwhere we are, whom we are with, or how little space wemay have. These are what we use to sharpen, deepen,expand our gifts.

FOCUSMeditation is supposed to be so easy for us, and for some itis. Me, not usually. I do it, and sometimes I get plenty outof it. Ive had to learn a few tricks. I have known too manypeople, myself included back in the day, who start to hearthe depths of their separation, wrong doings, and things leftundone when they sit in silence. For me, using a word(mantra), sacred sentences (chant), prayers or finger holds(mudra) helps me to stay present and focused.

Mantras/chants/prayers are word(s) repeated over and overwith the breath to create a specific intention. It can be anyword you choose. It could be more sacred such the LordsPrayer, Om (the sound of creation), Shanti (peace), or theHail Mary prayer. It could simply be a word: love, peace,breathe, simplicity.

The fingers each have an element associated with them:thumb=fire, index finger=air, middle finger=ether, ringfinger=earth, pinkie finger=water. With finger holds, you

touch the thumb to a specific finger to create a circle andinvoke a specific heightened, desired effect.

Index finger insightMiddle finger disciplineRing finger creativityPinkie finger communication

You can also hold the fingers to calm specific emotions:

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Thumb GriefIndex finger Fear, terror, panicMiddle finger Anger, rageRing finger Worry, anxietyPinkie finger Self-esteem

These simple finger holds can be done very discretelyanywhere and at anytime. Often, we do this verysubconsciously. I have two rings I wear on my right hand.When I am in deep thought or am nervous, I slide the ringsup and down the finger, gently when I am using creativityand more aggressively when I am nervous. Children sucktheir thumb, particularly when feeling insecure. What fingerdo people use when angry? Coincidence? Not likely.

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

Visualizations allow us to see our intention/goal and allowthe brain to experience it without having actuallyexperienced the intention. Once the brain believes it hasexperienced something, anything, it can repeat it with lesseffort or doubt. Think of Olympic athletes. They areexcellent examples of the power of manifestation.Intentions need actions in order to come to fruition. If weare visualizing our heart opening, at some point we willneed to become vulnerable and open up to another person.If we are visualizing financial abundance, at some point we

have to get off our butts and do something to get it allstarted. Regardless of the visualization, the final key toimagine really feeling what it would feel like once you havewhat you are manifesting. It creates a positive feedbackloop that the brain and body seek to repeat and attractexperiences and situations to bring the manifestation tofruition.

While there are many types and purposes of visualizations,here we will focus on chakras (energy centers of the body),heart opening, and releasing. These three are specific towarriors for healing and sharpening our gifts. Each has aunique way of re-balancing the body and mind, something

with which warriors often struggle. The cool thing is this iscompletely personal. You can do it anywhere (though notrecommended when operating heavy machinery) and noone has to know. I know it has gotten me through somereally challenging situations.

ChakrasStay with me on this one because I knowit sounds weirdand New Age. However, I have seen over the past fiveyears how much dis-ease manifests in these specific areas

and how incredibly connected they are to the emotions thatcreate the dis-ease. I cannot stress enough the importanceof understanding, focusing, and bringing awareness tofeelings in these areas.

Ayurveda (life science), practiced in many easternmedicines, teaches we have seven chakras, or energycenters, in the body. These centers have a color associatedwith them and are said to be about the size of a golf ball,each lined through the center of the core body. They can

get out of balance, either too large or too small, and impactall areas of our life.

The root chakra, at the base of the spine, is the foundationand our deep connection to the first relationships thattaught us about love. This chakra grounds us. Its color isred. The tailbone, colon, lower intestines, bladder,reproductive glands, and buttocks (which can impact thesciatic nerve) are impacted by this chakra.


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The sacral chakra, two inches below the naval, is ourcreativity, sensuality, and chosen relationships- bothpersonal and professional. Its color is orange. Often whenthis chakra is out of balance, chronic pain manifests in thelow back and hips or illness manifests in the reproductive

system and lower intestines. We hold grief, frustration,anger and sadness in regards to relationships in this space.

The diaphragm hosts the solar plexus chakra, our source ofpower and passion. Its color is yellow. This chakra is nearthe diaphragm and stomach, which impacts the quality ofbreath and digestion, respectively, when this chakra is outof balance. Interestingly, the stomach holds some of thesame cells found in the brain. The fight, flight, and freezemechanisms impact this center, as well.

The heart chakra is in the center of the chest and it is ourcompassion and love. Its color is green. I remember readingabout a study several years ago where a doctor studiedbreast cancer patients. The majority of women who hadbreast cancer in the left breast (where the heart is located inthe body) had suffered a very painful and traumatic break-up or divorce. I took from this, the toxicity of the situation,the sadness, anger, frustration and grief had manifestedaround the heart and took root. A painful and dangerous

imbalance of a loving and compassionate chakra.

Our throat chakra is for speaking our truth. Its color isindigo. I have been doing my own informal research aroundthis chakra by asking people who have neck and shoulderpain not associated with an injury or surgery if they holdback on what they say in stressful situations or withinrelationships. 99% say they do. The pain is removed quickly

when we work on speaking truth compassionately and withclarity.

Our third eye chakra, just above the bridge of the nose onthe forehead, connects us to our intuition. We close both

eyes to see with our third eye. Its color is violet. This chakrahelps us to see what is happening in our body, answers towhat we are seeking, and when in balance, see beyond ourown self. Out of balance, sinus issues and headaches occur.

The final chakra is the crown of the head. White in color, itopens up to the Source of all knowledge. When all otherchakras are in balance, this chakra opens for Divinewisdom, communication, and relationship as One.

We can visualize each of the chakras and breathe theirappropriate colors into them, imagining them as balls ofenergy, light and color, about the size of a golf ball,expanding and filling the space around them inside of us, allaround us, noticing any tension or pain in the area aroundthe chakra. You can focus on just one or all. Sometimes, ithelps me to place a hand over the space to more completelybring my awareness to that place. Brining balance is simplyfocusing on it, asking what is blocking the chakra, whatneeds to be released, what needs to be added and then

honoring those answers with actions. I am often surprisedby what I find when I ask the question to my own body.This explains why I keep a bottle of bubbles and a box ofcrayons in my house because for me, what it takes to bringbalance is to play. Upon completing the meditation, allowthe chakras to return to their original size and just spend afew moments sitting with the breath as it flows in and out.


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Opening the heartImagine the heart as a beautiful flower. Its petals begin toopen with each breath. The petals, pink in color with greentips, open and expand until the inside of the flower isvisible. Where the pistol and stamen would normally be

located, contains a small, golden gate. Imagine walkingthrough the gate. There is a path. Follow it until arriving atanother gate. Passing through, there is a beautiful garden.Explore it slowly, enjoying the beauty and fragrances. Thereis yet another gate. This one is guarded, however, entranceis granted with a warm welcome. There is a temple made ofamethyst crystals. Enter it. In the center of the temple is asmall alter with a container and gift. Place the burden orburdens that have been weighing down the head and heartin the container and pick-up the gift sitting next to the

container. Look at it. Take a moment to listen, sitting therein silence, bathed in purple light that penetrates completelythrough the body, into all of the cells of the body. When itis time to leave, pay reverence for the gift and gratitude forbeing able to safely unload what is no longer needed. Leavethe temple and follow the original path back into andthrough the garden, back to the heart. Exiting the gate inthe center of the flower, allow the petals to begin to closeinward Once closed, take time to just breathe for a fewmoments before returning to activity.

ReleasingImagine standing in a field. It is a beautiful day. The sun isshining and warm. There is a gentle breeze. There is astream of fresh water. Step barefoot into the stream. Feelthe water flowing around the feet and ankles. Now, imaginehaving a hole in the bottom of each foot, about the size ofa quarter. Inhale and draw this fresh, crisp, clean water upthe legs, trunk, arms, and head. As it travels through the

body, it binds all the toxicity and anything that is no longerpositive and serving toward a higher good. Exhale,imagining this dirty water washing out from the bottom ofthe feet, being integrated back into the stream. The streamtakes that and transforms it into something useful for the

earth, much like compost. Notice the beautiful wildflowersgrowing along the banks and understand how they came tobe here. Inhale again, drawing the pristine water up throughthe body. Exhale and push the dirty water out of thebottom of the feet. Continue to breathe and notice how,with each breath, the water flows out cleaner and cleaner,until it is as pure coming out as it is when entering thebody. Once this happens, step back out of the stream andsit in the field. Relax and stay present on the breath. Whenready, deepen the breath and slowly open the eyes.

SETTING THE WIREBoundariesare critical to maintaining health. This does notmean running way, avoiding, or pushing away. We arecalled to be here now, living amongst the masses,giving/using our gifts. We need a healthy boundary to livewithin. This is so simple. Extend the arms straight out infront you, palms open and extended. Now extend thearms out to the side. See how much space is there becausethat much will be behind you, as well. Now, reach the armsup. See how this is starting to create a bubble of sorts? Itgoes down about a foot below your feet, too. This space,for most people, tends to be about three feet in diameter. Itis your force field. When you engage with others, allowyourself to engage from outside that bubble. You can stillgive of yourself, yet you are protecting the soft spot withoutclosing it off. This takes practice. When used consistently,it is liberating. Boundaries give us space to breathe while


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still interacting with and engaging with others, particularlythose whose negative energy is a drain on others.

BREATHING IN BREATHING OUTSomehow we manage to do this without thinking. In the

fight or flight of our existence, we do the minimum and ittakes its toll on our bodies physically. Muscles are starvedfor oxygen. Pain ensues. Inhale now. Exhale slowly. Inhaledeeper and slower this time. Exhale slower. Each breath,deeper, more, slower, pause before exhaling fully. Just thosethree breaths are enough to begin reconnecting the Spirit,mind, and body. Just one breath is enough of a pause to setintention, regain clarity, focus, listen, to say a one wordprayer or mantra. Just remember to come back to the worldagain since this is simply a sanctuary and not a permanent

residence.

Place a hand two inches below the navel. Breathe into thisspace, the center of gravity, chi, and sacral chakra. This isthe space of creativity (creation), sensuality, andrelationships (exchange of energy). This is the space to feelwhat is alive or flat within you. Aliveness bubbles up, it isfiery and passionate. Even if attempting to ignore it, it willcontinue to rise up regardless of how many times it ispushed it down and attempted to be buried. Why not just

listen? Do this through breathing into the space in silence.This can be done even when there is chaos surrounding usbecause the silence is insideof each of us. It is a safe space,sanctuary, where we can go to reconnect to our Source, toreset boundaries, to redirect our energy.

We can engage in our conscious inquiry here and listen forthe answers. All answers reside within us. We can visualizehere. We can set intention and let it go, knowing we have

handed it over to the Universe and now the how is out ofour hands. Most importantly, through our breath, in silence,we can be with ourselves and ask ourselves, Are youserious?

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVEConscious inquiry is the process by which we peel back thelayers to get to the core of our soul, of the problem, of theconflict. It allows us to become a mediator, impartialenough to listen for the Truth. Far too often, we get caughtup in all the wrong questions when searching for theanswers. These questions are specific to the core emotionsthat cause us to be stuck: anger, sadness, fear, anddepression.

What needs to be re-instated or re-established,

renewed?What needs to be guarded or sheltered?What action needs to be taken?What is the intention?What needs to be discharged or liberated, let go?What needs to be renewed?What needs to be mourned?What needs closure?What needs to be eradicated because it is notserving?

Are you serious?The inquiry can be done completely internally or used witha journal. The interesting process with a journal is to justopen up enough to allow Spirit to speak through yourhand in what is called free writing. There is no punctuation,thought, grammar; it is just a flowing stream ofconsciousness. Incredible answers can come out in thisprocess.


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The inquiry can be used in conflict resolution as well.Though we cannot answer for another person, we can tryto understand the many reasons behind the actions, andthese questions serve as a guide. The questions can be usedto help another person or group towards healing and thus,

remove the blocks to the flow of the energy of love.

STEP INTO THE FLOWFlow is so necessary to free the physical blocks to theenergy of love. For me, yoga has served that need so well.However, it was not my first tool. Dance was where Ilearned to express, release, and renew for 16 years of myyouth. NIA continues to serve that purpose from time totime as well as yoga flow that incorporates some trancedance. As my body begins to move, the mind shifts to

being fully present within my body, noticing sensations, Ifeel more expansive and open to the possibilities andabundance that surrounds me. Thai chi, chi gong,meditative walking are also helpful tools. All of these areflow oriented.

However, there are times when we have to release thenegative energy, anxiety, and darker emotions. Flow cannothappen until we have ran, boxed, danced, hiked, pushedourselves physically to the point of exhaustion that allows

flow to begin again. It is a repetitive movement thatsimulates the tremors of energy releasing from trauma. Iknow when I have reached that space because the noisequells and Ifeelthe sense of peace, clarity, and the flow ofenergy.

A very powerful physical and energetic release is to standbarefoot with the feet approximately shoulder distanceapart, imagining a chopping block or small platform about a

foot in front of the feet. Energetically placing the darkemotions, the energetic binds of a challenging situation, oranything that needs to be released. Inhaling and raising thehands over head, imagining holding an ax or sword, as thearms swing down, forcefully say, HA! allowing the entire

upper body to follow the arms and swinging throw the legs.Repeating about ten times (more if it is needed). After thetenth time, come up slowly and just breathe deeply for afew moments. Notice the body. Notice the bottom of thefeet. A tremendous amount of energy has been released.

While we use these sacred gifts to help us to be groundedand open, we find ourselves using them more and more inthe greater community. Sometimes, we are the soleconnection to Grace and healing, even though we believe

that we are simply the messengers. Or are we?


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I am the true Self in the heart of every livingcreature, says Krishna in The Bhagavad Gita. Withinus resides all the cosmos, all the answers and theseeds of all beings interconnected as One. Sohum, aSanskrit word describes this well: I am that: co-

creation and destruction, light and darkness, war andpeace, love and fear. Who is this great I Amwithin? It is the One who speaks profound words oflove and wisdom through us? It is the voice we hearguiding us when no one is speaking. It is the forcethat keeps us alive when the dark waves wash overus creating the desire to close our eyes and neveropen them again.

As sohum, we are the sun, a masculine energy

providing warmth, energy, and life. We are themoon, a feminine energy that provides nightguidance, rest, reprieve, and healing. We areconsciousness, our own and others. We cansometimes hear the voice sharing information thatwe may not understand but know is directed to theright person at the right time. The gentle reminder ofego verses truth is enough to keep us on pace. Aswarriors, we are often the messengers of thatreminder. Unfortunately, the reminder is not always

what a person wantsto hear, regardless of if the soulrecognizes it as the truth. Such a person is willing toturn their back on a friendship, relationship, evenfamily in order to keep living an ego-driven life.While painful, we are called to speak our truth andmust accept their choice of remaining static.

We are the elements. Fire, burning anything thatdoes not serve us on the sacred journey, liberating,

dancing with heat, and allowing new life to rise from theashes. Water, on the other hand, is also transformativethrough fluidity, softness, flexibility, and is capable oftransforming the most rigid surfaces, and washes pure thedark spots of our souls. As earth, we are grounding, a place

for seeds to be sown and fruit to be reaped. While solid, theearth is constantly changing and shifting, expanding andcontracting. Static and resistance only causes chaos. Air, thebreath, is invisible, yet everywhere and all the time, shared.We have the ability to stand still and become the collectiveconsciousness, aware of what is happening all around us allat once. I know, deep, huh? Just take it in. Maybe you get itnow, maybe it is a seed being planted somewhere in therecesses of your mind to grow later into a fullunderstanding.

Sohum makes us an instrument of truth, healing, andgrowth. We are the eyes through which the One sees all life,all lenses, and all realms of possibility. We are sacredwitness, both to our self and others, honoring theexperiences that shape, the opportunity to love andtranscend. We are a reminder of Home, the sacred spacethat serves as refuge, to BE, and to become authenticregardless of the inequities that mire our souls.Sohum calls us to be Justice, not judgment. This is about

being clear, impartial, favoring or hating no one. Judgmenthas an energy that thrives on a victim mentality, nothingmore than fear driving us into separateness, scarcity, andsurvival-ism. The mentality for an eye-for-an-eye, the needto be right, is a downward spiral that causes all involved tobe stuck.

There is an energetic exchange between all living things.Most people have become so unaware of this; we move too

IAm


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fast, are too distracted, or simply no longer give a shitenough to notice. However, warriors and aliens canfeelit.Rather we want to be or not, we are definitely sensitive tothe energies around us. That is part of what makes living sochallenging sometimes.

Everything is a choice and has an associated energeticvibrational charge. Even ignoring the exchange is a choice.Ignoring it does not make it disappear. Oh, no. Theexchange is still taking place. Have you ever said hello tosomeone and they did not respond? Perhaps you dismissthe silence because perhaps they simply did not hear you. Itis a neutral exchange. Perhaps you were close and loudenough and you know they heard you, yet chose not torespond. That is a negative exchange. Rather than co-

creating a positive energetic exchange, the action isdestructive. So many people live in this space and wonderwhy they feel separate, isolated, or lonely. One simplechoice: co-create or not.

Your duty is to make those people you come in contactwith every day, from the briefest moment to the deepestrelationship feel better about themselves just from being inyour presence. This goes for the people who challenges us,maybe especially for the people who challenge us. To fulfill

this duty, we must examine what makes us feel good? Giveit back tenfold: a smile, a compliment, finding something,anything positive to say about another human, a kind andunselfish act. This is what I Am is all about. Love yourneighbor as you love yourself commanded Jesus. It is statedin some capacity in all religions. Even atheists have theirown version called the Golden Rule; treat others as youwish to be treated. Reciprocity of the energy of love, baby!

Humans are not the only ones who have energeticexchange. All life engages in this activity and it isinterspecies. We may choose to go into nature to reset, takea break, charge our batteries. Yet, do we sit silently andlisten to the whisper in the trees? What are the birds

actually saying? Can you hear what the lizard is thinking?Do we see the details of life all around us? We try to takethe energy without giving back or even attempting tounderstand it. A subtle shift alleviates this imbalance. Weare being called to awareness. Being aware, being present,we exchange our energies, respecting one anothersvibrations, and learning. Can you dig it?

All life is in us and we are in all life. We may have made thesacred contract to kill, either literally or figuratively,

however, we must do so while remaining consciously aware.Otherwise the energy will continue to haunt us. We practicejustice not only for others, but also for ourselves. We co-create and destroy. We fear and we love. We are light anddarkness. All from one moment to the next because we arethat I Am.


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You do not drown from falling in the water, onlyfrom staying below the surface. The layers of guiltand sadness seem to be so much greater for thewarriors and aliens because we more fullyunderstand the consequences of our actions. We

understand the complexity and the simplicity thatexists in balance. All of us are more than a random,selfish pile of problems, disease, pain, andcomplaints of how the world is not doing enough.We are each a force of nature, most of us shrink inorder to help others feel more comfortable. Really,though, what is the point of that?

Change is constant. We are forever dying andrebirthing on a cellular level. Less frequently, yet on-

going, we are also letting old thoughts and beliefs diein time for the new to be birthed. Because we knowthis cycle, it is all the more frustrating to be stuck orwitness others stuck in an unserving, faulty mentalmodel.

Life is a precious journey. For many of us, eventhough we sometimes feel ready to give up and gohome, we also really appreciate the adventure ofliving fully in each and every moment. There is no

fear of death or really anything that life can throw atus, which makes the adventure all the richer. In thereally clear moments, we are so grateful for what wehave in these moments that there is nothing left towant. We embrace the joy in simplicity, delight andrelish in the complexity, sans judgment. Time passesso quickly in those moments. We embrace play andpleasure, our own and others. Life has plenty of itsAre you serious? moments, plenty of challenges,

yet it has enormous, vast amounts of opportunities to reallyfeelpleasure,givepleasure, play, and have fun. The only thingthat that ends those opportunities is death. Warriors knowthis, so they play hard and relish in receiving and sharingpleasure when appropriate.

In this way, we live by example. Our actions speak louderthan words. Our calling as teachers, leaders, warriors is aperilous one because we have to respect one anothersjourney and ability to learn. Within the garden of life, wecultivate many varieties to nourish the soul. We laugh often,remembering to not take ourselves too seriously. We listenclosely to not only the words, but the silence surroundingthem. We live with tenacity and courage. We continuallyexamine our truth and values to understand them and stand

in their strength. We practice the scared art of forgivenessin order to touch peace. Sometimes we just plant seeds andhope at least one will grow.

Ahimsa, nonviolence in thought, word, and deed is such amainstay of my beliefs because everything we think, say anddo is cast in time forever. Energy can neither be created nordestroyed, simply transformed from one state into another.Rather we are broken open in the middle of a battle or inthe arms of a lover, our soul must dance. That is the

transformation of the energy. That is our calling in beingalive.

When you least expect it, a new door opens with newopportunities to practice this dance. Since Love resideswithin us, we simply have to find the barriers we have builtup against it and tear them down. We must be grateful towhoever provides this gift of seeing our barriers becausethese messengers are guides from beyond our knowing,

Neverd

ie


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from home. A gentle reminder, that even as aliens, livingas refugees in foreign lands, as warriors on the battlefields,we are not alone.

Love builds upon itself when our intent is pure because it

longs to grow. Love endures almost anything in order tocast a glow on the heart of the one who touches it.Boredom and hurt disappear. Our cup is filled with thesacred. This will never die and because we arethis, neitherwill we. Go on. Shine. As the Sufi say of God, so I say ofyou: be Love, lover, and beloved or be|loved. See youon the battlefield or in the welcome home embrace.


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I think I probably first heard Spirit speak throughme when I was four. Where I come from, thatsort of thing is not really accepted. It took a longtime and much processing before this student wasready and the teachers appeared to help guide me.

Rebecca McClain and Gil Stafford introduced meto the concept of aliens. Paulo Cohelos and DanMilmans writings taught me about warriors oflight. So many teachers have blessed me withwisdom: Meg Byerlein, Kat Myers, SherryWilliams, Angela Jackson, Daniel Wessner,Veronica Ritson, Sean Reed and Marcus Worthenare just some of the most prominent ones, butthere are many, many more. Certainly my true

warrior friends who have served or are serving incombat inspired me to write this. I have to alsoacknowledge the sleepwalkers, greed-driven,debate-loving people in my life that keep me ontrack for the millions of missions I am called toserve.

There is a life-force within your soul,seek that life.

There is a gem in the mountain of your body,seek that mine.O traveler, if you are in search of That,

dont look outside,look insideand seek That.

-Rumi

Acknowledgements


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Wendy Reese is a mental alchemist who usesholistic personal training, yoga, and traumahealing as her primary tools to help peoplebecome authentic, self-accepting, and abundant.You can find regular installments of her warriorwritings on love, business, relationships, health,and Spirit or contact her atwww.peaceinthecity.com.

[email protected]

www.peaceinthecity.com

Twitter: @peaceinthecityFacebook: peaceinthecity

This music was played a lot as this book was written. Clickhere to access the playlist on itunes (some songs are notaccessible).

707 Delights, You Are Where Am I, and Invocation of the GreatMother Various Artists on Shakti RhythmsHell Is Around The Corner TrickeryPeoples Sound Tribe Sector 9Aquarius Transmission IncubusWish You Were Here IncubusPlanet Caravan PanteraWar Edwin StarrThe Good Soldier Nine Inch NailsQuarter FuelRide the Lightening MetallicaOnce Pearl Jam

Brother Pearl JamI Disappear MetalicaCmon, Cmon The Von BondiesViolet HoleJust Ton

Documents

Everyday Death (Alien)