EXERCISE 4

NO.1

(Worse) Modification of the heuristics was made by Lacksonen and Enscore (1993) to solve the dynamic layout problem.

(Better) Lacksonen and Enscore (1993) modified the heuristics to solve the dynamic layout problem.

[NOTE 2.1]

In addition to switching to active voice so that the intended meaning is more direct.

This sentence also turns a noun into a verb to save further space.

NO.2

(Worse) Minimization of total operating costs is achieved by a planning horizon.

(Better) A planning horizon minimizes total operating costs.

[NOTE 2.2]

As shown in the original sentence, some writers tend to overuse unnecessary phrases like is made, is done, is performed, is conducted, is undertaken and is achieved.

Omitting such phrases, turning the subject into a verb and switching from passive voice makes this sentence much easier to understand.

NO.3

(Worse) A description of the layout cost evaluation method is made by introducing the following notations in this section.

(Better) This section introduces the following notations to describe the layout cost evaluation method.

NO.4

(Worse) Precise measurement of neural networks by practitioners is a heavy emphasis of computer vision systems.

(Better) Computer vision systems heavily emphasize that practitioners precisely measure neural networks.

[NOTE 2.3]

Switching from passive voice to active voice and turning two nouns into verbs greatly simplify this sentence.

NO.5

(Worse) Numerical analysis is performed in this study on the effects of the inflation rate and the deterioration rate on stock inventory.

(Better) This study numerically analyzes how inflation and deterioration rates affect stock inventory.

NO.6

(Worse) The manager can be assisted by the proposed model so that the order size can be precisely determined.

(Better) The proposed model can assist the manager in precisely determining the order size.

[NOTE 2.4]

To increase word variety in a sentence, the writer can use assist, facilitate, guide or direct instead of always saying help.

NO.7

(Worse) The temperature is increased by uncontrollable factors, as indicated in the experimental results.

(Better) Experimental results indicate that uncontrollable factors increase the temperature.

NO.8

(Worse) The proposed model can be extended in a future study so that more realistic assumptions can be incorporated.

(Better) A future study can extend the proposed model to incorporate more realistic assumptions.

NO.9

(Worse) A more detailed description of the three design types is provided in Kackar and Phadke (1991).

(Better) Kackar and Phadke (1991) describe the three design types in more detail.

NO.10

(Worse) The GRG algorithm may be difficult for users with limited statistical training to implement.

(Better) Users with limited statistical training may have difficulty in implementing the GRG algorithm.

NO.11

(Worse) The server is notified by the website manager that retrieval of the data must be performed by the account holder.

(Better) The website manager notifies the server that the data must be retrieved by the account holder.

NO.12

(Worse) Verification of the data accuracy is required by the site manager so that quality control within a factory is ensured.

(Better) The site manager must verify the data accuracy to ensure quality control within a factory.

[NOTE 2.5]

Depending on the sentence‘s context, verify, confirm and demonstrate can be used as alternatives to check or prove.

Similarly, depending on the sentence‘s context, ensure and assure can be used as alternatives to make sure.

NO.13

(Worse) Consumer preferences are markedly affected by advertising.

(Better) Advertising markedly affects consumer preferences.

[NOTE 2.6]

To increase word variety in a sentence, markedly, significantly, heavily and substantially can be used as alternatives to much, strongly and greatly.

NO.14

(Worse) Various options are generally made in user choice.

(Better) Users generally choose various options.

NO.15

(Worse) Provision of textbook materials should be offered by the instructor.

(Better) The instructor should provide textbook materials .