Expeditionary Battlefield Expeditionary Battlefield AirmanAirman

with their new uniform and with their new uniform and professional gearprofessional gear

Here is an enthusiastic Here is an enthusiastic specimen.specimen.

Notice the brainwashed look Notice the brainwashed look on his faceon his face

From the front you can tell this From the front you can tell this warrior is prepared.warrior is prepared.

Both a two and three hole Both a two and three hole punch.punch.

A trusty reflective belt. Why A trusty reflective belt. Why isn’t the uniform reflective like isn’t the uniform reflective like PT gear?PT gear?

NOTE – No matter what operational NOTE – No matter what operational environment an airman is in, some environment an airman is in, some overweight SNCO will have a hernia if they overweight SNCO will have a hernia if they see someone without the trusty reflective see someone without the trusty reflective belt. The proposed fix to reduce the number belt. The proposed fix to reduce the number of down days for the most important tier of of down days for the most important tier of airman is to incorporate reflective material airman is to incorporate reflective material into the next uniform improvement.into the next uniform improvement.

Carried on his back is a Carried on his back is a paper cutter capable of paper cutter capable of cutting 20 sheets at a cutting 20 sheets at a time and up to 120 time and up to 120 sheets a minute.sheets a minute.

Also carried is a Also carried is a portable laminator portable laminator capable of laminating 1 capable of laminating 1 sheet a minute for an sheet a minute for an hour, powered by 40 D-hour, powered by 40 D-cell batteries or two car cell batteries or two car batteries. batteries. (batteries not shown (batteries not shown or carried)or carried)

Four “pen pockets” Four “pen pockets” allow battlefield allow battlefield airman to carry an airman to carry an arsenal of writing arsenal of writing utensils in today’s utensils in today’s “paperless” Air “paperless” Air Force.Force.

Blue highlighterBlue highlighter to mark off completed to mark off completed tasks on “To do list”tasks on “To do list”

White outWhite out pen for nothing, everything pen for nothing, everything has to be rewrote for any minor has to be rewrote for any minor mistake, but still a mandatory item. mistake, but still a mandatory item.

Red SharpieRed Sharpie for EPR rough draft mark for EPR rough draft mark up.up.

Pink highlighterPink highlighter to ensure white out to ensure white out can’t be used on mistakescan’t be used on mistakes

Note – Slim Jims are an Note – Slim Jims are an authorized substitution for authorized substitution for writing utensils. writing utensils.

Pockets inside the blouse allow Battlefield Pockets inside the blouse allow Battlefield Airman to conceal additional “must have” Airman to conceal additional “must have” tools in today’s air and space battle arena.tools in today’s air and space battle arena.

NOTE- With the addition of the pockets five more layers of the ABU material were NOTE- With the addition of the pockets five more layers of the ABU material were required. We have determined this will have no negative effect on the heat retention required. We have determined this will have no negative effect on the heat retention abilities of the uniform.abilities of the uniform.

Tape dispenser Paper “assholes”

Both cargo pant Both cargo pant pockets will be able to pockets will be able to fit this fun filled fit this fun filled activity book. activity book.

In addition a new In addition a new pocket inside of the pocket inside of the cargo pocket will cargo pocket will conveniently fit a cell conveniently fit a cell phone or other such phone or other such mobile electronic mobile electronic leash. leash. Allowing teen aged girls Allowing teen aged girls and middle aged men going through and middle aged men going through their mid-life crisis to stay connected their mid-life crisis to stay connected and display their respective coolness.and display their respective coolness.

A new addition is the tool A new addition is the tool pocket near the ankle. A pocket near the ankle. A small opening behind the small opening behind the pocket flap gives the pocket flap gives the wearer the choice to store wearer the choice to store more writing utensils or more writing utensils or any other tool skinny any other tool skinny enough to fit through the enough to fit through the opening.opening.

In this picture the operator has chosen In this picture the operator has chosen to show the diversity of tools that can to show the diversity of tools that can be stored, a fly swatter and floppy be stored, a fly swatter and floppy disk. disk.

NOTE- While no Air Force computer NOTE- While no Air Force computer purchased within the last two years purchased within the last two years has a floppy drive, this outdated media has a floppy drive, this outdated media source is still required to be used when source is still required to be used when submitting an EPR.submitting an EPR.

Again, the limitless Again, the limitless capabilities of the tool capabilities of the tool pocket are being pocket are being displayed, with displayed, with scissors and large scissors and large Post-it notes. This Post-it notes. This pocket also contains pocket also contains two pen pockets on two pen pockets on the outside of the tool the outside of the tool pocket. pocket.

NOTE – While most Airman don’t run, NOTE – While most Airman don’t run, running with scissors is the number running with scissors is the number 412412thth killer of active duty airman. Only killer of active duty airman. Only Air Force Special Operations Command Air Force Special Operations Command (AFSOC) airman are authorized to (AFSOC) airman are authorized to carry scissors in the tool pocket and carry scissors in the tool pocket and only during real world operations.only during real world operations.

NOTE – Eight pen pockets was determined NOTE – Eight pen pockets was determined to be the optimal force multiplier for to be the optimal force multiplier for combat office operations.combat office operations.

Every Airman needs Every Airman needs access to a stapler. access to a stapler. This is even more true This is even more true of a Battlefield of a Battlefield Airman. While not a Airman. While not a uniform design feature uniform design feature this stapler and drop this stapler and drop holster will be issued holster will be issued along with the ABU.along with the ABU.

The stapler is a Rexel Triton. Capable The stapler is a Rexel Triton. Capable of firing three different sizes of of firing three different sizes of ammunition (6, 8, and 10mm) at a ammunition (6, 8, and 10mm) at a sustained rate of 30 rounds per minute sustained rate of 30 rounds per minute (rpm).(rpm).

The drop holster is a prototype built by The drop holster is a prototype built by the tactical gear manufacture the tactical gear manufacture Blackhawk. It is based on the SERPA Blackhawk. It is based on the SERPA platform already used for the 9mm platform already used for the 9mm Beretta.Beretta.

While technically not an While technically not an ABU item, it is ACU ABU item, it is ACU pattern, this hat pattern, this hat demonstrates the Air demonstrates the Air Force’s willingness to go Force’s willingness to go the extra mile . Never has the extra mile . Never has a hat been so crucial in a hat been so crucial in bringing the fight to the bringing the fight to the enemy. With little Post-it enemy. With little Post-it notes, staple remover, and notes, staple remover, and paper clips at the ready, all paper clips at the ready, all Battlefield Airman are Battlefield Airman are prepared to meet and prepared to meet and overcome any obstacle. overcome any obstacle.

NOTE – The Air Force will not produce NOTE – The Air Force will not produce any ABU pattern conventional any ABU pattern conventional tactical gear. ACU pattern will tactical gear. ACU pattern will fulfill this requirement.fulfill this requirement.

War fighter's ThoughtsWar fighter's Thoughts ABU looks similar to the ACU. ABU looks similar to the ACU.

It is even almost spelled the It is even almost spelled the same.same.

The heavy weight keeps you The heavy weight keeps you warm in an office with the AC warm in an office with the AC too low.too low.

No more unit patches.No more unit patches. Omission of “dust flap” in the Omission of “dust flap” in the

crotchal region.crotchal region. Green socks and sand colored Green socks and sand colored

shirts are the new blue.shirts are the new blue. Wash and wear.Wash and wear. Slanted seams on the thigh Slanted seams on the thigh

reduce chafing.reduce chafing.

Air Force missed the mark on Air Force missed the mark on it’s distinctive uniform goal.it’s distinctive uniform goal.

The heavy weight ensures the The heavy weight ensures the body’s core temp soars after body’s core temp soars after two minutes in any two minutes in any environment over 75 F.environment over 75 F.

The elastic in the waistband of The elastic in the waistband of the pants is reminiscent of the pants is reminiscent of maternity pants. maternity pants.

Wash and wear comes at the Wash and wear comes at the price of using only detergents price of using only detergents with no optical brighteners.with no optical brighteners.

With a few exceptions, With a few exceptions, uniform design is identical to uniform design is identical to the BDU.the BDU.

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