Extract Diary of a Wimpy Kid the ... - Penguin Random House

103

What was crazy about the shower was that it was completely open to the outdoors. It took a minute to get USED to that, because I was worried someone might peek over the wall.

I guess there are people who are comfortable being naked right out in the open, but trust me, I’m not one of them.

I don’t think it’s right that you’re BORN naked, because right away you’re put in an embarrassing situation.

Wimpy12_INT.indd 103 9/8/17 4:54 PM

104

Once I got used to this open-air shower thing, though, I was ADDICTED. The shower had all these different settings, like “pulse” and “massage.” I tried out every single one, but “rainfall” was probably my favorite.

I must’ve stayed in there for forty-five minutes. When I was done, I stepped out of the shower and put on my robe. But when I tried to put on my right slipper, there was something blocking my foot.


105

I held the slipper up and shook it, and a giant SPIDER dropped out.

This was no ORDINARY spider, though. That thing was as big as my HAND. When it fell to the floor, I climbed up on the sink so I wasn’t on the same level as it.


106

I’ve had a thing about spiders ever since I was seven years old. One summer when I was in our garage, I found something in the corner that looked like a cotton ball, and I poked it with a broom handle.

Well, it wasn’t a cotton ball. It was an EGG SAC, and it was filled with thousands of baby SPIDERS.

When I started school in the fall, the teacher had us fill out worksheets where one of the questions was what we wanted to be when we grew up.

Everybody wrote “astronaut” and “veterinarian” and and stuff like that. But not ME.


107

Nowadays, whenever I see a spider, it takes me right back to when I was seven. I don’t even like READING about spiders.

I’ll tell you this—if I were one of the characters in “Charlotte’s Web,” it would’ve been a very short book.


108

I figured with MY luck, the giant spider on the bathroom floor was venOmous. I’ve read that some spiders bite their prey, then wrap them up so they can eat them alive, which does NOT sound like a whole lot of fun.

For some reason, the spider wasn’t making a move. Either it thought it was camouflaged on the marble floor and I couldn’t SEE it, or it was trying to figure out what to do next, just like I was.

I thought about throwing my slipper at it, but I was nervous I might miss and make it MAD. And even if I DID hit it, the slipper probably wouldn’t have done any damage to this thing.


109

I called out for Dad to come help me, but all I got back was a weak groan from his bedroom. That’s when I remembered the PHONE. I dialed 911, but I just got some prerecorded message.

The phone had all these other buttons, but none of the options were a great fit for the situation I was in. So I pressed the one for “Room Service,” because I figured that was close enough.


110

A lady answered, and I told her about the spider problem and how I needed her to send someone QUICK. But either I was talking too fast or there was some language confusion, because all she kept asking for was my BREAKFAST order.

Eventually, I gave up and just ordered scrambled eggs and a side of bacon. I honestly didn’t care WHAT it took to get someone to come, as long as they came FAST.

When I hung up the phone, the noise jolted the spider, which ran across the floor and stopped right in front of the sink.

Now this thing was even CLOSER, and I was too scared to move.


111

I stood frozen for about fifteen minutes, barely breathing. But then the phone rang, and the sound surprised me so much I almost lost my balance.

It was the room service waiter. He said he had come to our suite to deliver my food, but there was a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, so he turned around and went back to the kitchen.


112

I told him to come BACK to the room and that he had permission to kick down the door if he wanted.

When I hung up the phone, the spider started running around again, and I was worried it was gonna figure out where I was and come get me. I looked around to see if there was anything I could use to DEFEND myself, but the only thing within arm’s reach was a glass on the sink.

I realized that if the spider came close enough, I might be able to TRAP it. Sure enough, it ran right beneath me. And when it did, I managed to drop the glass on top of it.


113

The spider wriggled around inside the glass, but it couldn’t get OUT. I got down off the sink real slow and backed out of the bathroom, keeping one eye on the spider. But when I turned to leave, I smashed right into the WAITer.

All the noise got the spider moving again, and it took the glass WITH it. At first I wasn’t worried, because it was still trapped inside. Then it crawled over the DRAIN where the floor dipped down a little, and that gave it just enough space to wiggle OUT.


That’s when I found out the room service guy had the same problem with spiders that I did.

I knew it was up to me to deal with this thing, so I tried to trap it with the cover for the food. But the spider was zigzagging all OVER the place, and it wasn’t easy.


115

Finally, I caught the spider by pinning it against the wall. I didn’t really know what to do NEXT, because the second I lifted the food cover, that thing was gonna be off and running again.

Then I noticed that one of the spider’s legs was sticking halfway out from under the lid.

I tried to move the lid to cover the whole spider, but I guess I pressed too hard, because the leg fell OFF.

The spider dropped onto the floor, and now it was going NUTS. I was running around on my tiptoes, trying to make sure I didn’t get BIT.


Then the spider made a HUGE mistake. It climbed onto the rim of the toilet, and I knocked it in the bowl with my slipper and slammed the lid shut. Then the room service guy finished it off.

I gotta say, the two of us made a pretty good team. And if I ever DO start that exterminator business, I might have to look this guy up.


PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for and maybe obtained from the Library of Congress.

ISBN: 978-1-4197-2545-6

Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright © 2017 Wimpy Kid, Inc. DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID™, and the Greg Heffley design™

are trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved.

Book design by Jeff KinneyCover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney

Published in 2017 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS.All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.

Printed and bound in U.S.A.10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact [email protected] or the address below.


Documents

Extract Diary of a Wimpy Kid the ... - Penguin Random House