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“Self-Control When It Feels Unnatural”Series: TIME TO GROW Part Nine
Galatians 5; Genesis 4; Various othersINTRODUCTION: A. Today we are going to cover the last of the fruit of the Spirit. And
like a pitcher who takes the mound about to face the meat of the lineup, today, as we
conclude this list of attributes, it doesn’t get any easier. So how are you doing through
this series? Hopefully we’re learning together to rely on the Holy Spirit more and more.
It is my prayer that you and I are different than we were when we started this series:
that you find yourself relying on the Holy Spirit more so than doing things in your own
power. And today we cover the final attribute in this list, self-control.
B. Do you ever wonder why this is the last in the list? In my message on love, I brought
out why I believed that it was no accident that love was the first of nine. So why is self-
control the last? Is it the least important? Certainly not. After all, this list is called the
fruit of the Spirit, not the fruits of the Spirit. Perhaps self-control is last on Paul’s list
because it takes resolve and denial of self to overcome any temptation so that you can
effectively show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and
gentleness. My youngest son is a railway engineer. He drives train locomotives for the
KC Southern Railway. So using the train analogy, I’ve learned more and more to see
self-control not as the caboose at the end of a powerful train, but the backstop. Without
it, the positive accomplishments of the other eight may be lost. Love may be the engine
that drives, that powers the train. Without consistent self-control, Christians, and
certainly church leaders, never make it to their long-term destination! (Which is what?)
Christ-likeness is the bullseye on the target! Without self-control, a leader will be
sidelined, derailed or perhaps taken out of ministry. Leaders, especially, need self-
control to win over anger, discouragement or speaking too quickly. Another may need
self-control for their thought life, managing money or how they use their position of
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leadership. But none of us, as followers of Jesus Christ, escape the great need for
consistent self-control.
C. We’re going to learn how to grow in self-control from examining a negative example
in the Old Testament. So take your Bible out and turn to Genesis, Chapter 4. This is
the account of Cain and Abel, the first two sons of Adam and Eve. Hopefully we can
learn some valuable lessons from the mistakes that Cain made. We’ll pick it up with
Genesis, Chapter 4, verses 3 through 5:
In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an
offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the
firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering,
but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very
angry, and his face was downcast.
Now we’re not exactly sure why God was so displeased with the sacrifice and the
offering that was brought by Cain. Either God has asked for a blood sacrifice and that’s
not what he brought, or God had asked for the first fruits – to give the best, the choice
of his crops, the best of the herd – but Cain did not give his best. But when Cain
realized God had not been pleased with him, he got angry with God. So if we’re to
learn to grow the fruit of self-control from this account, first…
1. STAY ALERT AND EMBRACE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF LIFE’S DAILY TRADES.
A. Look for signs that might reveal that you are starting to get off course, that your life
is heading in a direction that it shouldn’t. There are a myriad of areas where we need to
demonstrate this fruit of the Spirit. Our weak areas will differ with everyone in this
room. I don’t know what the areas are for you; but I certainly do for me. Every time my
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wife takes a sheet of her homemade chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, my self-
control is pushed to the limits! But that’s just one area where I am tempted NOT to
practice self-control. And I believe that church leaders face a whole set of serious
temptations that many people do not face. Under pressure, leaders can find it easy to
be swayed by their own emotions, make reactionary decisions or be tempted to trade
long term success for more immediate rewards.
In the New Testament the Apostle Peter issues a warning that we need to heed and
remember. First Peter 5:8 says, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil
prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So when you’re at a
ballgame and you hear an obnoxious fan that just keeps cussing for the whole group to
hear, when you’re watching television and you watch the show The Biggest Loser,
when you hear the anxious chatter from the trembling lips of an alcoholic, when you
study the financial debt of a shopaholic—you realize that there is a common thread
with every single one of them. They didn’t get where they are overnight. It happened
over time. Every one of them would tell you that it was a result of an ongoing lack of
self-control, which started out in seemingly harmless fashion but in time it took over.
But it didn’t happen overnight. QUOTE: A.W. Tozer said, “No man suddenly goes
base.” He’s right. You be alert. All of life consists of daily trades. I’ve made some poor
trades along the way. Like trading my potential safety and the well-being of others in
order to arrive somewhere faster. Speeding. That may seem like a relatively minor
“poor” trade, but not really. I am just banking on not getting caught. That’s the dark side
of making bad trades. Hoping you won’t get caught, or at least no consequence or
penalty. There are many more serious trades, but in that moment you can rationalize
that it’s a minor area. Like an optional big purchase when you should be saving money.
You see, it’s always about the bigger picture, and self-control or the lack thereof is
always involved. Listen friends, most of life is won or lost in these daily trades. So
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many times these decisions develop patterns that determine the course and outcomes
of lives.
When there is not self-control with your words or your temper, your life can spiral out of
control. Listen to this practical advice that James tells us in James 1:19: “My dear
brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow
to become angry.” Do you see the common thread? When it comes to self-control, the
word slow is at the core of the concept. You need to have a long fuse. You want to be
able to be slow to speak, be slow to become angry.
In Ephesians 4:26 it says, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while
you are still angry.” Sometimes I tell couples when I’m meeting with them before they
get married…I’ll say, “This is a wise principle for you to live by. Work the conflict out.
Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Don’t go to sleep upset with your
spouse. Work it out.”
Look at the sixth verse of Genesis 4: “Then the LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you
angry? Why is your face downcast?’” Well, the Bible says Cain’s face was downcast
because he was pouting. Sometimes…not always but sometimes…depression can be
traced to anger that has turned inward. Some people…they shout, they scream, they
throw things, they’re quick to give you an obscene gesture. Others pout and sulk and
they go into their shell. But the cause for both is the same. It can be anger. And Cain
should’ve been more alert. To develop self-control, embrace the significance of life’s
daily trades.
2. SEARCH YOUR HEART AND ASK GOD TO DO WHAT YOU CAN’T DO.Here is the second encouragement if you want to grow in self-control: Search your
heart and ask God to do what you can’t do.
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A. Most people think the reason they lose self-control is because they didn’t try hard
enough to do right and to avoid the bad. The prophet Jeremiah says God makes a
declaration that I believe reveals the real issue. “The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jere. 17:9) You see, the heart is deceitful
and our attempts in the flesh to cover up that deceit will only last so long. Eventually
the truth will come out. That’s why we need a growing, intimate relationship with the
Lord. God was trying to get Cain to search his own heart. “Why are you so angry,
Cain?” He wanted Cain to look inwardly and then to verbalize outwardly, “Well,
because you liked Abel’s sacrifice more than you liked mine.” At which point God
probably would’ve responded with, “Well, why does that bother you so much that I like
his better than yours?” “Because I want you to like mine the best.” “Well, why?” And if
Cain had been brutally honest he would’ve replied, “Because I am a selfish person who
wants to be the center of the universe instead of you and because I care more about
me than I do about you or my brother.” You see, when we search our hearts we often
discover that our anger is terribly misplaced and sinful, and it helps us to come to a
place of repentance. But until you do this, you can expect to continually be frustrated
by your lack of self-control. It is not a problem with your effort; it is a problem with your
heart.
B. That is true in so many types of addiction. We typically think of, you know, a person
losing self-control and getting hooked on alcohol or drugs or a sexual addiction, but
people can get addicted in a variety of different ways. They might get addicted to
materialism through shopping. They might be addicted to lust through reading steamy
romance novels or what they watch on television or the movies that they choose to
see. And they say, “Well, you know, I mean, I’ve had a hard day at work. This is my
escape.” And they rationalize their behavior.
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Maybe it’s because you want to be in the spotlight or you want to be the center of
attention all the time. Perhaps it is that you are addicted to something that starts off
good but it gets out of control. Maybe it is exercise or fitness, something that started off
in a good sense and yet now it consumes you and you’re more concerned with the
physical than you are with the spiritual. When that happens – in all these areas – self-
control evaporates. And we need to face the thoughts and attitudes that are deep in
our hearts, because until we face these questions, until we get to the root we won’t be
able to show the fruit of self-control and control our actions. James 1:22 says, “Do not
merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
Look back at our text. God is speaking to Cain. He says, “If you do what is right, will
you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it
desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” You see, God is trying to get Cain’s
attention. Little has changed in the past 5,000 plus years since those words were
written. I don’t know about you but at my house and in my neighborhood and at my
office sin is crouching at the door, and God is still trying desperately to get our
attention. You see, we struggle with our sin nature. There is a conflict that is constantly
going on.
Have you ever seen the show When Animals Attack? Anybody ever seen clips of that
show or watched it? I’ve seen some clips of it. It’s a show where, you know, it might
have a video clip from a petting zoo, where a large animal that is supposedly tamed, all
of a sudden, just goes on this rampage and nobody expects it. Or there is this one
where a family is having a cookout at their home, and there is the family pet lion that
they have raised from when he was a cub. Uncle Harry is there at the cookout and
Uncle Harry says something or does something, and the lion snaps and attacks him!
And have you ever seen these things? Later the family is interviewed and they say,
“Well, we’re shocked. I’ve never seen anything like it. Mango has never acted like that
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before.” “What happened?” “We don’t know.” Well, can I tell you what happened?
Mango is a lion! That’s what he does for a living, okay? So all he is doing is doing what
lions do. That is his nature. So don’t be surprised if Mango attacks you at the home
cookout.
C. That is why we need divine intervention, because do you know what our nature is?
Our human nature – our sin nature – is an obstacle to our having self-control. That is
why we need Christ. That is why if you’re not already a Christian I’d like to encourage
you to become a Christian, because when you do you receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
His presence enables you to have self-control, to do battle with resisting temptation
that seems to get the best of you. On our own we can’t do it, but with Him we can.
Galatians 5:17 says: “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the
Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other...”
QUOTE: Craig Massey said, “Two natures beat within my breast. One is foul, one is
blessed. One I love and one I hate. The one I feed will dominate.” So we need to ask
God to do what we can’t do on our own. When it comes to self-control I believe God
wants to see some effort on my part to feed or nourish the Holy Spirit’s presence and
to starve the sinful nature. If I ask God to remove the need for any work, or even for
any struggle on my part, there is no process that leads to maturity. The process
towards spiritual maturity requires that I face and handle real life tensions that don’t
have easy solutions. That’s when God steps in. As we pray and ask for help, God is
eager to grant the power of the Holy Spirit that helps provide the self-control we need.
Ultimately this strengthens the first eight in the list of the fruit of the Spirit. See, the life
of the Christ-follower is always about a divine partnership.
Then number three…
3. OBEY GOD’S WARNINGS.
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A. There it is—the “O” word, obedience. You see, any way you slice it, it still comes
back to the willful choice and desire to obey—to be obedient to how God calls you to
act. God warned Cain that he is about to make a terrible mistake, and before we lose
our self-control, God almost always warns us in some way.
EXAMPLE/ILLUSTRATION: Let me illustrate it this way: A close friend l comes up to
you and expresses concern about your dependency on alcohol. But we’re quick to
rationalize it and say, “Oh, you know what? It was just a mailbox that I hit with my car. I
mean, it wasn’t a person. I really wasn’t drunk. I hadn’t had too much.” You start off
toying with gambling and eventually, if you’re not careful, all of a sudden you realize
that it consumes you and it controls you. There are times where, all of a sudden, your
spouse forgives you and you go, “Phew! That was close!” or your boss gives you a
second chance and you go, “Phew! Wow! I dodged that bullet.” Well, you didn’t dodge
that bullet. God is trying to get your attention. He is warning you. He is extending a
second chance to you and it’s time for you to realize how much danger you are in
because of your lack of self-control. That is God’s way of saying, “I’m trying to give you
a wake-up call so that you can learn a lesson the easy and quick way rather than the
painful and difficult way.”
Solomon paints a picture of the person without self-control when he writes in Proverbs
25:28, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” So
obey God’s warning so it doesn’t get to that point.
B. Notice in our text the specific warning from God to Cain. Look at it again. Verse 7, “If
you do what is right…” In other words, the choice is yours. “If you do what is right, will
you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it
desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” It says, “If you do what is right, you will
be accepted.” That means you will be lifted up; you will be exalted. If you don’t do what
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is right, sin is crouching at the door like a lion. And understand, it desires you too. So
you’re supposed to master it, but on your own it’s impossible to master it. It all comes
back to…it’s only possible with the Lord.
C. Here is why I think we have a problem with this. We hear “self-control” and the term
itself in English is a little bit misleading—as if it is possible for us to do that by
ourselves. Well, that’s not the way it works. In Galatians 5:23 where we find this word,
we translate it “self-control.” A better rendering of it, most Bible dictionaries say, would
be the word “chastity,” chastity. It means that you are a person of purity and integrity. It
means that you do not allow your God-given human desires to rule you. You rule over
them instead. It talks about food and drink and sex as kind of what is at the heart of
chastity. So the challenge is that you be a person of morals and of principle.
Several years ago when Ann Landers had her advice column in newspapers all over
the country, she received a letter. It said:
Dear Ann,
I have a problem. I am happily married to a wonderful wife. We have two
children. But I have also been seeing another young lady for the past six months.
My problem is that I love both of them. What should I do?
Signed,
Confused
P.S. Don’t give me any of that morality stuff.
And I loved Ann Landers’ response. She wrote back:
Dear Confused, The only difference between animals and humans is morality. I
suggest you consult your local veterinarian.
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I like that! You know? Here is what Ann Landers was saying. She was saying, “If you
throw out self-control, if you falsely think that God is more concerned with your
happiness than your holiness, if you live a life without boundaries, then someday your
lack of self-control will result in some serious consequences.” Understand you are in a
spiritual battle and the stakes are high. The outbursts of anger, the struggle with
addiction, the flings on the weekends, the binges on the business trips—these
moments are not something that you brush off as common in our culture, “Well, you
know, most everyone is doing it.” They are sins that need to be confronted, because if
you don’t confront them they will get worse and worse, not better and better. When you
say, “I…I don’t know what came over me!” what you are truly saying is, “I lack self-
control in this area.” So heed God’s warnings. Get some help. Do whatever it takes to
gain control of your life or it will get worse before it gets better.
D. But Cain? Cain ignored the warnings. Look at verse 8 of Genesis 4: “Now Cain said
to his brother Abel, ‘Let's go out to the field.’ And while they were in the field, Cain
attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” Do you notice a pattern here? We do the
same thing when we lose self-control. It begins with deception. Cain first deceived his
brother, “Hey, let’s go out in the field.” I’m sure had Abel known what was in his
brother’s heart he never would’ve gone out there with him.
When we lose self-control we begin deceiving ourselves and others. We hide things.
We delete the history of the Internet pages we visited. We hide the pills. We put the
money in a separate account. And hopefully nobody will discover the truth about our
lack of self-control. Cain’s hidden hatred toward Abel was unleashed. He attacked and
killed his brother.
Then after that he has the nerve to discount the relationship with his brother. Look at
verse 9, “Then the LORD said to Cain, ‘Where is your brother Abel?’ ‘I don't know,’ he
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replied. ‘Am I my brother's keeper?’” That’s where we get that phrase, “Am I my
brother’s keeper?” The answer to that question is, “Yes, you are.” And if you love your
brother and if you care about your brother, then you will be his keeper. “But, Cain, your
heart is so hardened that you’ve killed your brother and you thought you could keep it
from me,” God says.
Then number four:
4. CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES AND ENGAGE THE WISDOM OF PAY NOW AND PLAY LATER .
A. Cain didn’t think about the consequences. Cain was selfish. It was all about him. So
God pronounces a curse on Cain. Look at verse 10-12:
The LORD said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries
out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the
ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your
hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you.
You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”
The Lord is trying to get us to understand that we need to fast-forward and think
through, “What would it be like if we continue in this type of behavior? What will my life
look like? What will my family look like? What will my job look like?” Consider the
consequences of one violent action. Cain became a wanderer and lived like a fugitive
the rest of his life. The grief that he caused his mom and dad could never be
measured. A lack of self-control can mark you and others for all eternity. Perhaps that’s
why self-control was listed last in this list.
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B. The wisdom of delayed gratification (or pay now, play later) is a significant part of
making smart daily trades. Self-control and smart daily trades go hand and hand to
help you exercise discipline now and enjoy more freedom later. “Now” is the great
enemy of wise trades in life. Think long-term, values-driven and character-based to
build the right foundation to support self-control. Discipline now rewards you with the
freedom and options that allow you to live well.
C. I believe it’s very important to not just consider the potential negative consequences;
but also think about the positive consequences that can come when we make God-
honoring self-controlled decisions. So many worries are avoided. So much guilt is also
avoided. So much heart ache is avoided
Look to the example of Jesus Christ. Christ chose self-control because of the positive
consequences that would come on OUR behalf. When Jesus prayed in the Garden of
Gethsemane, it was a prayer of self-control. It was to do God’s will and not what Jesus
was being tempted to do. He was being tempted by Satan to flex his spiritual muscle,
to obliterate his betrayers and those who were about to kill him. Yet He chose self-
control. He chose that so that you would have a positive consequence of eternal life,
because your sins had been paid for on the cross. Think about it. There is a moment
early on that Friday morning. Jesus is standing before Pontius Pilate. Just a few hours
later a scene is going to unfold at Calvary of Him being nailed to a cross. He is
arrested. He stands before Pilate. He has been scourged. He has been severely
beaten. He has had a crown of thorns thrust on His head. He has been verbally
badgered and mocked over and over again, and Jesus shows self-control and He
chooses not to answer Pontius Pilate. He doesn’t speak up in His defense. There were
things He could’ve said that could’ve saved His hide. He didn’t say any of them.
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Finally, as I see it in my mind’s eye, Pilate gets right up in His face, and in John 19:10
he says, “Do you refuse to speak to me? Don’t you realize that I have the power either
to free you or to crucify you?” And that’s when Jesus opens His mouth, and Jesus
Christ looks eyeball to eyeball with Pontius Pilate and He says this. He says, “You
would have no power over me were it not given to you from above.” Here is a
translation: “Make no mistake, Pilate. You are not taking my life; I am giving my life.”
And there is a huge difference. Jesus Christ willingly chose to lay His life down. He
chose to do it because He loved you so much.
When you cut through the clutter realize the essence of sin is man substituting himself
for God; the essence of salvation is God substituting Himself for man. And Jesus put
Himself where I deserved to be so that someday I could be where I do not deserve to
be—in Heaven with Him. His cross is the bridge that spans the gulf between my sin
and God’s throne. You might say, “Well, this is a really tall task. I don’t think I can do
these nine attributes. I struggle with a lot of these areas. I don’t think I measure up.”
Well, good. It’s great that you acknowledge that! That means that you are beginning to
understand what this series is all about. In and of yourself you can’t!...but He can. That
is why the Apostle Paul describes this list as the fruit of the Spirit, not “the fruit of the
flesh.” The Christian is enabled to become self-controlled. It is possible through Him.
The secret to the Christian life is not imitation, trying to imitate Jesus. It’s inhabitation.
Allowing the Holy Spirit of God to fill you every day as you surrender to the control, the
Lordship of Jesus.
CONCLUDING STORY: If you’re a sports fan at all and you’re over the age of forty
you’ve probably heard of legendary basketball coach John Wooden. He was one of the
greatest basketball coaches who ever lived. John Wooden was ninety-nine years old
when he died in. He coached at UCLA. He led them to an unprecedented ten national
championships, 12 Final Four appearances and—get this—38 straight wins in NCAA
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tournament games or March Madness…38 straight! It spanned nine years without a
loss. But he was also a very committed Christian man and a member of a sister
Christian Church in southern California most of his adult life.
I had the privilege of meeting him at a basketball camp I participated in the summer
between my eighth and ninth grade years. John Wooden was a class act. He didn’t
cuss. He didn’t talk down to his players. He’d be in the midst of national championship
turmoil and he would be unflappable. And in one interview he was asked, “How do you
keep your cool in the games when UCLA is behind and the officiating is going against
you? You never seem to cuss out the players or the referees. You don’t throw chairs.
You don’t abuse or malign the guys on your team or your other coaches.” And John
Wooden answered quite candidly. He said, “Well, I have the same emotions as every
other coach. But,” he said, “in my pocket I keep a tiny silver cross, and when I feel
myself becoming out of control or getting too intense in a basketball game, I reach in
my pocket and I hold onto that cross and it reminds me that there is something more
important than winning basketball games.” And the reporter said, “Oh, so it’s kind of
like a good luck charm?” And John Wooden said, “No, not at all.” He said, “The cross
serves as a reminder. It is a reminder to me of what is most important.” John Wooden
was reminding himself that self-control cannot be captured by yourself. It takes the
Spirit of the Lord. And what Christ did in the life of John Wooden He can do in your life
as well, because the same Holy Spirit can give you self-control and can transform your
life.
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