Family Support

Our specialist Bereavement Service offers confidential support for families, friends and carers - both adult and children – of patients who have been cared for by St Richard’s Hospice.

It is common for people who have been bereaved to experience some or all of the following emotions and feelings.

Sadness (emptiness, despair, yearning, loneliness, tears)

Guilt (regrets, negative feelings about what we did or did not say, relief)

Anger (resentful, cross at the person who has died, angry at religion, or medical team)

Shock and disbelief (numbness, expecting to see the person who has died)

Fear (anxiety, insecurity, helpless, panic attacks, additional responsibility)

Physical symptoms (fatigue, nausea, weight loss/gain, aches, insomnia, constant or uncontrollable crying)

The death of a close relative or friend can be devastating and can bring about stronger emotions than we have previously experienced.

For some people grieving starts at the time of death and for others it starts at the time of diagnosis. Grieving is a normal process and can affect people in many different ways; emotionally, physically or socially, and in many practical areas of life.

Bereavement can be a confusing time with mixed thoughts and emotions. The world with which we were familiar has changed and as with any change, it is often difficult to get used to a new situation.

Some people may not show or feel any emotion at all. For others it can be experienced immediately or later, there are no set time scales. There is no right or wrong way to feel following bereavement and everybody’s experience is unique.

It can often help you get through the early days of bereavement when things are busy and as time moves on these feelings may change and ease.

“I feel so depressed. I can’t see the point in living without them”

Depression, hopelessness and frustration are under-standable reactions when someone you love has died. It can be common to think about your own death, or even think about ending your own life to escape the pain. It is important to talk with people you trust about your thoughts and feelings, and remember life goes on. It may be helpful to talk about your feelings of hopelessness or despair with a professional who is experienced in bereavement support.

“I feel so guilty” We often hear people

talking about feelings of guilt, for being alive, when their loved one isn’t; for somehow not preventing their death; for having let them down in some way. You may find yourself constantly thinking ‘if only…’

You may constantly ask yourself ‘why?’ Death can seem cruel and unfair. It can make people feel powerless and helpless. These emotions may be painful to live with, but guilty feelings will pass. It helps to focus on the good times when you can. It can help to talk these feelings over with someone who you trust and can support you.

“I thought I’d be over this by now”

At the beginning you may have found that family and friends rally around and it is only later when you are left alone with your grief that the feelings may intensify. The rawness of grief and our expectations of grief change over time and it is normal for grief to come and go in waves. Some days you may feel very lonely, find daily tasks difficult to cope with and struggle socially, other days you may feel like you are your old self again.

There is no time limit on grief. If you feel that you are struggling or not coping, it might help to contact our bereavement support service.

Everyone’s experience of grief and bereavement is personal to them. Some of the things that we hear frequently are…

“I feel out of sorts. My emotions are up and down. One moment I’m fine and thinking of normal things, the next I am in floods of tears”

Sudden changes in mood can be shocking and hard to deal with, but they are very normal. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster and it can be over-whelming and difficult to carry out everyday tasks.

It may also be hard to concentrate. Some people find it helpful to focus on daily routines, take time out, or throw oneself into distraction or busyness. Everyone will find their own way of coping.

“I’m worried about how to talk to my children, they seem ok, I don’t want to make them sad, but I don’t want them to be silently worrying either”

How your children will respond to grief will depend on their age and under-standing of death. Younger children may ask a lot of

questions repeatedly and it is important to tell them the truth; that someone they love has died. Your belief as to what happens after someone has died may provide comfort and explanation.

Avoid saying things like ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘gone on a long journey’ as this can be confusing for children. Older children may be able to put aside their grief and carry on with their lives; they may also need explanations on what happens at the funeral etc. It is fine to show your feelings, this encourages children to do the same and normalises their own feelings.

“I just feel numb, is this normal?”

When we are in shock it is common to feel numb, to feel physically cold, or to feel like we are going through the motions of life and daily routine. You may also be unable to concentrate or think clearly. You may find that, initially, you carry on as if nothing has changed. These are all normal coping strategies and ways of managing the pain of loss.

Support from St Richard’s Hospice is available to family, friends and carers who have been affected by the death of a loved one.

Telephone supportYou can receive telephone support from our Family Support Team which will be arranged to suit your personal needs.

One to one supportThis is personal support where you meet with either one of our Counsellors, Family Support Volunteers or Family Practitioners depending on your individual circumstances and need.

Group support for adultsWe offer various types of bereavement groups. These include therapeutic groups which meet a couple of times a year for a number of weeks, to identify ways of coping and supporting each other. We also host an informal social group for those who wish to meet others who have experienced similar losses and to meet for a drink and chat.

Groups for children, young people and their parent /carer

We run a group for bereaved children, young people and their parent or carer. Families benefit from professional and peer support, meeting people in a similar situation and with similar issues. Group members must be known to St Richard’s Hospice.

Snowdrop CelebrationThis is held to mark the first anniversary of the death of our patients. You will receive an invitation to this event for you and your family.

Tree of LifeIn our hospice garden we have a special tree where friends and family can choose to hang a silver leaf in memory of a loved one. You can engrave your leaf with your loved one’s name and personal message. Please contact our Chaplaincy team to arrange on 01905 763963.

Forget-me-not Tribute FundSometimes, when you least expect it, a memory of your loved one comes back to you. It could be the TV show they loved, the holiday you all enjoyed together or maybe their favourite song will play on the radio. Setting up an online tribute fund allows you to remember and share these precious memories, while helping us raise money to support our free, specialist care. Please contact the Fundraising Team on 01905 763963 or visit our website www.strichards.org.uk

Visiting St Richard’s HospiceIf you feel that you would like to come into St Richard’s Hospice to perhaps visit the garden where you spent time with your loved one or to light a candle to mark an anniversary, birthday or special date, then please contact a member of the Family Support Team.

All our services are free and confidential and you can choose any one or more options that meet your needs at this point in time.

Remember, you may feel that you are coping at the present time and these options are not currently appropriate.

However if in the future your circumstances change please contact us to discuss this.

Registered Charity No. 515668 2017

Family Support Team St Richard’s Hospice

Wildwood DriveWorcesterWR5 2QT

Tel: 01905 763963

E-mail: familysupportteam@strichards.org.ukWebsite: www.strichards.org.uk

We are regulated and inspected by the Care Quality Commission. If you have any reason to comment upon any of our services please

contact Tracey Grint, Care Quality Lead on the address above.