Feeling Good in Grad School

Leslie Ralph, Ph.D. Counseling and Psych Services

lralph@email.arizona.edu520-621-3334

http://www.health.arizona.edu/counseling-psych-services

I am allowed to feel good.

(Even in grad school.)

Feeling good is good.

It is safe to feel good.

Repeat after me:

Reactions?

What’s so hard about grad school?

• ACADEMICS• SOCIAL/FAMILY• FINANCIAL• Life (you can’t pause it!)• Identity/’otherness’• Imposter syndrome• Balance• Expectations + culture of the program• Relationships with faculty• Self-esteem/self-worth• Perfectionism• Lack of experience

If you’re in grad school, you’re probably:

DrivenAmbitiousIntelligentMotivated

(you’re kind of a big deal)

Anything else?

The very same qualities that got you here might actually

contribute to your stress.

And that stress can threaten your:

• Identity.• Worth.• Connection.• Sense of current and future survival,

happiness, and livelihood.

So, it might not feel safe to take care of or trust in yourself.

4 steps to changing this and feeling good in grad school:

1. Understand how happiness happens.2. Change the conversation. 3. Embrace sustainability. 4. Get out of survival mode and thrive.

How happiness happens.

A simple formula for feeling good:Happiness = 50% genetics + 10% life circumstances + 40% what you do

When you do enough of the right things,

you flourish.

Flourishing: Feeling engaged in meaningful pursuits, good relationship, enjoyment and satisfaction in life, and feeling a sense of accomplishment with what you do.

Change the conversation.

How do you talk to yourself all day?

Do these sound familiar:

• What if?

• What are they thinking?

• What does this mean about me?

• Am I good enough?

• Am I doing enough?

• Am I behind?

How’s your relationship with yourself going?

Self-Compassion: Treating yourself with kindness, support, and encouragement.

3 components:

• Mindfulness of the pain you’re feeling.

• Recognize that this is part of our shared human experience.

• Self-kindness and heartfelt wish for all of us to feel peace and contentment.

Compassionate self-talk sounds like:

• “This hurts.” or “This is a moment of suffering.”

• “I am not alone. We all struggle in life.”

• “I can choose to be kind to myself.”

• “I’m learning to accept myself as I am.”

• “I believe I am strong.”

• “I can forgive myself.”

How do you talk to everyone else all day?

Do you:

• Complain?

• Talk about work, work, work, work?

• Worry?

• Compare?

• Isolate?

• Self-deprecate?

The old conversation:• Comparison.

• Perfectionism.

• Imposter syndrome.

• What you want to avoid or stop experiencing.

The new conversation: • Optimism.

• Affirmation.

• Speaking to yourself as you would speak to a dear friend.

• What you enjoy, want to create, and are excited about.

• Give attention to life outside of work.

Embrace sustainability.

The truth about balance:

You’ll never get everything lined up just so and then keep it that way. Focus instead on finding a sustainable approach. Meaning…

• Know what is most important to you.

• Know what you need for your own health and happiness.

• Know what fills you up.

• Know your personal burn out warning signs.

• Make sustainability your intention rather than productivity.

• One life, one calendar, one you! Be one authentic person in all areas of your life.

Know your early warning signs:

• Isolation.• Irritability.• Changes in eating, sleeping, hygiene.• Fatigue.• Restlessness.• Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed.• Low motivation.• Feeling hopeless.• Obsessive thinking, worry, overthinking.• Feeling down or depressed.

Practice awareness and act early.

And know how you want to feel.

• How do you want your life to feel?

• How about school and work?

• Use vivid, meaningful words.

• How often do you feel like that?

Feeling Good Self-Assessment. Rate each area on a scale from 0 (not good) to 5 (really good!).

What areas are thriving? Where is there room to grow?

Mind & Spirit

Time & Schedule

Earning & Spending

School, Work & Service

Loved Ones, Community & the World

Body & Wellness

House & Home

Self-Expression

& Growth

What I need to THRIVE!

Feeling Good Self-Assessment.

What domain is already thriving?

What does this tell you about what works?

3 ways you can apply this to other areas of your life:

1.

2.

3.

What domain is struggling?

What does this tell you about what you need?

3 ways you can bring relief to that area:

1.

2.

3.

Get out of survival mode and thrive.

The building blocks for feeling good in life:

PERMA:

Positive Emotion.

Engagement.

Positive Relationships.

Meaning.

Accomplishment.

P is for Positive (Not Pressure)

4 important questions to ask yourself if you want to feel good:

1. How do I want to feel?

2. What already feels that way?

3. How can I create that feeling when I’m feeling down?

4. How often do I act on this?/What stops me from acting on this?

Engagement: Feeling awake and purposeful.• Being willing to initiate, create, and savor experiences.

• Being an active participant in your life, education, and work.

• Just don’t focus on work and only work!

(Watch Izzie and George figure it out...)

Positive Relationships

Positive Relationship Qualities:

• Quality time together.

• Feeling seen and heard.

• Able to make repairs.

• Gratitude.

• Respect.

• Trust and honesty.

• Caring.

• Celebrating each other's successes.

And willingness to spend time not talking about work!

Meaning

• Feeling connected to something bigger in the world. • Sense of worth and purpose in your actions. • Acting with intention. • Finding meaning during both the good and bad times.

Questions to ask yourself to bring the meaning back:• Why am I here?• Do my actions feel meaningful?• Do I say yes to the meaningful things in my life?• What do I hope to get out of this action or decision? And is that

meaningful to me?

Accomplishment

Here, we’re talking about your big picture personal sense of accomplishment.

Feeling accomplished self-assessment. Do you…

• Recognize your accomplishments?

• Minimize your accomplishments?

• Take the time to celebrate your accomplishments – big and small?

• Pursue goals that are just for you?

HERE’S YOUR RECAP.

(#FEELINGGOOD)Step 1: Remember how happiness happens.

Step 2: Change the conversation.

Step 3: Embrace sustainability.

Step 4: Get our of survival mode and THRIVE!

www.health.arizona.edu/counseling-psych-services