CHIJVED ÍÑ SEVEN , .HOUSES BEFORE HE 'TURNED 17. BUT ITWASN'T UNTIL HE WROTIA LETTER TO SUZANNEAND JIM BANTE J^:FOUND/

Families aren't perfect. Everyteen who has argued withhis or her parents overcurfews, homework, andclothes knows that. But

Alex Chivescu's (pronounced: shiv-es-u) family life brings new meaningto the word "chaos."

His birth parents divorced whenAlex was an infant. His father wasdeported back to his native coun-try of Romania and subsequentlydropped out of Alex's life. Hismother, a single parent, earned aPh.D. in computer science, becamea college professor, and learned tospeak six languages.

But when Alex was 9 years old,his mom was in a car accident. Afterthe accident, she was diagnosedwith bipolar disorder, a mental illnesscausing sudden mood changes anduncontrollable behavior. As a result,Alex's relationship with his motherdeteriorated. She verbally abused him,frequently lost her temper and threwthings at him, and neglected him.

Bounced AroundIn an effort to help Alex, govern-

ment social-service authorities tookhim out of his home in RochesterHills, Michigan, and placed himin foster care, in foster care, kidsare taken in by other families orgroup homes on a temporary basis.But Alex's mom fought to havehim returned to her and he wassent back to her several times.

For eight years, Alex went backand forth between his mother'shouse, foster families, temporaryshelters, and group homes. Includinghis mother's home, he lived in eightdifferent places between ages 9and 17. Living conditions were

ALEX WITHHIS ADOPTIVEPARENTS, SUZANNEAND JIM BANTE.

"THEY TREAT ME LIKE A SON. I GOTTHE WHOLE FAMILY DEAL."

Adversity: Misfortune

Generosity: A disposition togive liberally or to bestowfavors heartily

sometimes very tough. Listen toAlex's description of one grouphome he lived in two years ago:"I wasn't allowed to have or goout with visitors, or accept phonecalls," he tells Choices. "Many ofmy friends called to wish me ahappy birthday last April, but nonewere able to reach me since theywere not on the approved caller listprovided by my social worker."

Alex had had enough. He was17 and tired of having no sayin where he lived and whom helived with. A year earlier, he boldlysought to legally end his mom'srights as his parent. Then in 2008,instead of letting the foster caresystem place him, he decided tofind a suitable home on his own.

Online Search"I spent many hours searching for

potential foster families, using theonly resource I had: the Internet,"Alex says. He made a list of families

-ALEX CHIVESCU

near his high school after research-ing court records, foster care listings,and even the phone book.

Then he wrote a letter that wouldchange his life. It read in part: "Iunderstand it is a great emotional andfinancial burden to take a 17-year-oldinto your home. But I want to makeseveral things clear... I pay formyself, find my own scholarships (forcollege], get myself a job."

The odds that his quest wouldsucceed were slim. Teenagers oftenare not the first choice for parentslooking to adopt kids or care for fos-ter children. But Alex had a coupleof things in his favor. First, he wasa terrific student. "In the absence ofa stable home life, my high schoolbecame enormously important tome," he says. "1 invested all of myenergy into academics and extracur-ricular activities." In his junior year,he achieved near-perfect scores onboth the SAT and ACT, and earned a3.95 grade point average.

CHOICES JANUARY 2010 13

ALEX NEVER LET HISDIFFICULT UPBRINGINGPREVENT HIM FROMSUCCEEDING IN SCHOOL.

Second, Alex was determined tofind a home on his terms. He sentdozens of letters to families nearhis school. It turned out that manyfamilies wished to adopt him, butJim and Suzanne Bante were thelucky winners. They had raised fourchildren, and Alex officially becametheir fifth.

Accepted & EmbracedThe Bantes embraced Alex. They

gave him an iPhone and told him tocall if he was ever running late. Heworried that his up-and-down homelife would distract him from focusingon trying to get a scholarship tocollege. But the Bantes encouragedhis efforts and even bought hima new suit to wear to collegeinterviews, "They treat me like ason," Alex says. "I got the wholefamily deal."

The Bante family's generosityhas left a strong Impression onAlex. "A family is as strong as theactions each individual does forone another," he says. "I feel that Ihave not only grown tremendouslyas a person from this experience,but also forged strong and lastingrelationships with both Suzanne andJim, and my foster siblings."

Alex's gamble to find a family onhis own has paid off big time. Thestability that the Bantes provided

helped Alex finish high school on astrong note. He is currently attendingHarvard University. "I think takingcontrol of my life that summerwas the single biggest step I tooktowards achieving any of my latersuccesses," he says.

He found a new family, but thatdoesn't mean he's forgotten hisold one. "I am still close with mygrandparents back in Romania, andmy foster family gives me space formy relationship with my mother,"Alex says. "My mother will always bemy mother."

By court order, Alex was notallowed to contact his mother untilhe turned 18. "Since then, I havemet with her several times," Alexsays. "I will always offer her loveand support, and honor her as mymother. Before the car accident, sheraised me to be the man I am today.It was the values and morals sheinstilled in me that guided me whenshe was no longer able to."

What has Alex learned from hisup-and-down family life? "Take amoment to step back and look atthe big picture," he says. "It's easyto throw your hands up in defeatand give up in the face of adversity,but the key is to accept what cannotbe changed and fight for everythingelse that you can."

—Zachary Jones

ire these statements trueor false? Answers arein the Teacher's Edition.

( Foster care is intendedto permanently replacea child's birth family.

True

Since moving In with theBante family, Alex nolonger keeps in contactwith his birth family.

Alex entered the fostercare system beforebecoming a teenager

Alex's case is unusualbecause teenagers arerarely adopted.

True

DISCI

What do you think of Alex'squest to find a foster

family on his own? Basedon information in the story,what difficulties did Alex facein completing his quest?How did he overcome theobstacles he faced?

~| At the end of the article.I Alex says it's important

"to accept what cannotbe changed and fight foreverything else that can."What do you think he means?

14 CHOICES JANUARY 2010

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