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Finding Hope and Help in Crisis
2011 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference
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Meet the Joneses:
Alan and Debbie
Megan, our biological daughter
Dane, our son whom we adopted from Romania in 1991
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PACT: Parenting Adoptees Can TrustDirector, Debra Delulio Jones, M Ed
Serving Forever Families
Parent Consulting and hands‐on parent coachingIn‐home evaluationsIndividualized behavior plansPhone consultationsEmail consultationsParent training workshopsRespite training for groups with adoption or foster care ministries
Associate, TCU’s Institute ofChild Development
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Our Journey Begins
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The Early Years
Fatten him up
and
Catch him up
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Terrible twos
Terrible threes
Terrible fours
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PediatricianPsychologist
PsychiatristNeurologist
Psychiatric HospitalOsteopathic Dr.
CounselorsSpecial Ed
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Our child’s trauma became our trauma….
•Calendars filled with specialist appointments•Debt•Stress•Marital Strain•Physical Exhaustion•Megan feeling robbed of her parents•Faith holding on by a thread•Our lives revolved around Dane’s problems
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Broken dreams… Broken finances…
Broken hearts…
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HOPEfrom
Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross
at
HOPE CONNECTION
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From Karyn and David at Hope Connection, we learned that Dane’s early history meant impairments in:
Brain development
Sensory Processing
Neurochemistry
Attachment13
Six risk factors for the child from a “hard place”
•Difficult Pregnancy•Difficult Birth•Early Hospitalization•Neglect•Abuse•Trauma
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU
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Drivers of Maladaptive Behavior:
FEAR and PAIN
Dane was in a primal, survival state of fight, flight, or freeze.
Our job as parents was to disarm the fear and create “felt safety.”
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Trajectory of Mental Illness
2‐3 years Behavioral dysregulation
4‐6 years ADD/ADHD symptoms
8‐10 years Depression/Anxiety
12+ years Bipolar DisorderBehavioral and Emotional Disintegration
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU 16
Your PhD Phrase of the Day!“Recovery of function recapitulates the
development of function.”
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU 17
Secure Attachment• Sociability with adults• Pro‐social with peers• Interactive with peers• Persistence• Enthusiasm with tasks• Good learning skills• Ability to ask for help
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU 18
Attachment Styles(Mary Ainsworth – The Strange Situation)
Babies Adults
Secure Free/AutononousAvoidant Dismissing AdultsAmbivalent Entangled
Disorganized Unresolved
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Take a deep breath!
Compared to the general population, a large percentage of adoptive parents are insecure in their attachment styles.
Karyn’s 2002 study of adoptive parents:16% Free/Autonomous42% Dismissive 25% Unresolved42% Entangled
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU20
The good news is we can all become “Earned Secure” in our attachment style with some hard work and honesty.
Online attachment questionnaire:www.yourpersonality.net/relstructures
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Connecting vs. DistancingParenting Strategies
Time in vs. Time outChild kept close vs. Child sent away
Resolution vs. ConsequencesProblem Solving vs. Lectures & sermons
Advocacy vs. Adversary
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU 22
Empowering Principles
Connecting Principles
Correcting Principles
TBRI®
From The Institute of Child Development at TCU 23
Ideal Response ©
I – immediateD – directE – efficientA – action‐basedL – leveled at the
behavior, not the childFrom The Institute of Child Development at TCU 24
Intervention at HomeSensory‐rich, attachment environment
Close proximity (within 3 feet)Stop the violence“Redo infancy” with our 11 yr oldBehavioral scripts IDEAL Response©
Honest look at our own “stuff”
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Within 6 months Violence stoppedImproved language (voice)Better self‐regulationHealthier attachment
Within one year, Dane was still making steady gains, and he is to this day. Fearis still the driving force when there is an issue. 26
Hope Connection, age 12
Dane earned several medals in track, including a Gold medal in the District Cross Country meet.
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Today, Dane is 21 years old and has reached a level of independence we never dreamed possible.
He lives in his own apartment with his dog, Hershey, where he also works in grounds and maintenance.
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Trust‐Based Parenting DVD
Empowering, Connecting, and Correcting DVD
The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Familyby Karyn B. Purvis, PhD, David R. Cross, Ph D, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine
Created to Connect: A Christian’s Guide to The Connected Child
Created by Dr. Karyn Purvis with Michael & Amy Monroe
www.child.tcu.edu29
Switch on Your Brain:5‐Step Learning Process
by Dr. Caroline Leafwww.drleaf.com
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If Dane met you today, he would say,“Hold on and don’t ever give up! There’s a real boy or a real girl inside there, and God has a purpose for them.”
J
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
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2 Corinthians 1:3‐7 (NIV)
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
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