Akpors asked d barber“How much

for a haircut?”

Barber:“N500.

Akpors:“And hw much 4 a shave?

Barber:N50 sir.

Akpos:Very well,shave my head

In a party Akpors Asked a Girl "Are

you Goin to Dance?"

She felt so happy 'n said-yes 'n

Akpors Said-"That's Gud, So Can I av

ur Chair?

tTEACHER:

Why did Zain change to

Airtel ?

AKPORS: Bcos Yoruba

people kept calling it

'Sane'

Five years into their marriage,

Akpors & his wife have had five

children. Akpors decides to see the

doctor to discuss family planning &

doctor recommends condom use... Akpors returns to the doctor after

about 9 months, complaining that

his wife has been delivered of

twins! Doctor asks,

"Did you use cd at all?" Akpors: YES, I did.

Doctor: Ok, pls how do you use

your condom ? Akpors: I use it with water, just like

paracetamol, abi I dey make

mistake? The doctor fainted!

Mrs Femi got in class n askd pupils 2

say da

nambas she wrote on the board in

words!

SHe wrote 888 n gave dem a clue

dat is- eight hundred n eighty...

Shola jumpd 2 conclude by sayn

eight. The teacher said- Veri gud

shola!

Teacher wrote 666 n bola gav n

ansa s- Six hundred n sixty six! Teacher was enjoyin da leson

telling pupils

hw briliant dey were! Dis went on

and on until he

wrote 111 n askd akpos 4 n ans

Akpos - ahhhh Madam how can you choose a simple

1 for me, Ah! Dats One hundred and

Onenty One!

POLICE: Where do you live ? AKPORS : With my parents POLICE : Where does your parents

live ? AKPORS : With me POLICE: Where do you all live? AKPORS: Together POLICE : Where is your house? AKPORS : Next to my neighbors

house POLICE : Where is your neighbor's

house ? AKPORS: If I tell you, you won't

believe me POLICE: Tell me AKPORS: Next to my house

On Sunday a gang went into a

church and started closing

windows and doors. They told the congregation that

they were going to kill everyone

but in alphabetical order. They went to the Rev.

What is your name?

Rev: Zoseph Zmith

Lucky you. Pianist: My name is Zemmanuel

Zambali but one of the ushers over

there is Akpors Samuel. "You lying bastard," Akpors

screamed at the top of his voice

"Oga my friends call me Zzzakpors

Zzzamuel."

Who wan die ?

Akpors goes into a chemist,

reaches into his pocket and takes

out a small bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some liquid onto the

teaspoon and offers it to the

chemist's assistant."Could you taste this please?" says Akpors. Chemist

Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it

in his mouth swills the liquid and

swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?"

says Akpors "No, not

at all" says Chemist Assistant. "Good" says Akpors....."the doctor

told me to come here and get my

urine tested for sugar"The Chemist

Assistant fainted.

APPLICATION LETTER BY MUSA

Dear sir,

I am Name is tenager, I apply to my

job of security guard to you boss in

your company of ECO BANK. ...I am

complete to Sitted 7 examination

certificate in 2003. My skool here... Okingo OBE very good. ... I am 29

ears to be Born of age and no wafe

and no childish. My father dead long time ago and

my mother is marry in BENIN

REPUBLIC country there 10 years

now, no sees her untilnow, so

nobody known to help me...no

money and food and tea and drink. My certificate is just sitting in home

for itself, but passes in Mathematics,

Geography, Science and all subjects

but fail in English because of Ofuaku

Albert teacher teaching me is look

jelous of myself. Me because wear expenses cloth and shoe than

teacher igbo. I here that people you

want security guards toyour

company and I...... tell you I amone

of that job experience for 2 years

looking video for Rambo I, II and III. I also shot thief dead. Iwant to join

the company of You and chase

criminal and thief out with SMG of

me. I can fight for SMG, arrow, spear,

panga, knife, stickand stones. Me

also can fight for boxing like Tyson. Please consider my aplication very

careful and call me any time because

me have hand telephone now. I am

red for interview with youif you like

me. Me have no photocopy certificate

because the photocopy machine

there at Niger Delta shop is a long

time and very old it can mistake

spelling in the certificate, that is

why.I am very hornest and I didn't steal since I born until now, I

canspeak English free. I have no very

much to right I have end here. Please also greet

your wife and childish! Yours faithfully

musa.

Akpos was walkin in a bush and

suddenly saw a lion in front of him.

He knelt down, prayin to GOD to

deliver him. wen he opened his

eyes, he saw the lion kneelin also &

prayin,Akpos asked the lion "Are u also a christian?" The lion replied,

"Shut up, don't u pray b4 u eat?.

Akpos fainted!!!!

PHONE RINGS!! Chichi : hello Akpos :my love how are you doing? Chichi: am fine. Akpos :will you be less bzy by

weekend to come to my house? Chichi :am sorry love I can't make it

because I will be attending my

aunty's wedding and the next day is

de thanks giving

in church,am so occupied. Akpos :i wanted to take you out for

shopping to surprise you with

blackberrytorch and the

brazilianhair u've been askin for. Chichi :i will be coming and i may

even spend a weekend if u want my

love. Akpos :what about the wedding? Chichi :which wedding? I was just

joking. Akpos :me too love!

Two little boys stole a bag of

oranges from

their neighbor & decided to go to a

calm place to share the loot'' one of

them suggested the nearby

cemetery . As they were jumping the big gate

to enter the cemetery, 2 oranges fell

out of the bag

behind the gate' but they didn't

bother to pick them since they had

enough in d bag . Few minuets later A drunkard on his

way from a local bar passes

near the cemetery gate and heard a

voice: “One for me, one for u. “One for me,

one for u”

He immediately sobers up and runs

as fast as he can to the local priest. "Father father pls come with me

'come and witness God & Satan

sharing corpse at the

cemetery.”

They both ran back to the cemetery

gate and the voice continued: "One for me, one for u, one for me,

one for u..

Suddenly the voice stop counting

and says:

“What about the two at the gate?" Omo come see marathon ....even the

priest almost pass church gate !!!

shouting we are not dead yet.

Akpors and musa were caught in an

Northern Country,

sharing a smuggled barrel of beer.

They were arrested and taken to the

Sheik's palace for

questioning and judgment. Akpors lied that musa smuggled and

forced him to drink the beer!!

Both were initially given a death

sentence but, as it was a national

holiday, the sheik decided they

should be released after some lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their

punishment, the sheik said, "It's my

first wife's birthday today and she

asked me to allow each of you 2

wishes before your whipping, but you

cannot wish not to be whipped!" Akpors thought for a second then

said: "Please tie two pillows to my

back before whipping."

And my second wish is that you flog

me only 20 strokes of the whip.

He was whipped, and luckily for him, the pillows helped to make the

pain of the whip lesser. musa saw this; thought for a second,

then said: "Thank you, most royal

and merciful highness for the

wishes. My first wish is to receive 100 lashes

with the strongest, toughest whip

available."

"If you so desire," Akpors laughed and thought musa

was a fool... The sheik replied with a puzzled

look on his face..., " and your second

wish?" musa replies: "Tie Akpors to my

back...." Akpors fainted.

Papa Akpos got drunk & came home

very late.

He sat on the door step for thirty

minutes trying to figure out what to

tell his harsh and super strict wife -

Ekaitte the reason for his lateness. He gained courage, opened the door

and found Ekaitte and his son

(Akpos)

watching a late Night movie.

He passed them and went upstairs,

his heart pounding hard.

To his surprise, his wife didn't say a

word. Just to confirm, he decided to walk

past them, and again back to the

upstairs corridor.

But his wife didn't say a word.

He signal Akpos to come.

And he asked him; "How come today your mother isn't

speaking?. or even uttering a word!"

Akpos replied;

"She asked me for lipstick and I gave

her super glue"

I went to WARRI recently if u see d

name of churches, Ha! My broda

even Satan sef dey fear. Make i yarn una:

u will see somtin like.. 1. Nak ur pako 4 Satan head

Ministrial Church of Fire.

2. Satan ur own don kpafuka

evangelical ministry.

3. Operation cary devil nack 4

ground Bible ministry. 5. The Atomic Bomb Bible Brigadial

Barack Ministry. AKA shoot d devil

make im eye clear.

6. Satan Watin we do u Evangelical

church of God Aka Satan leave us

jeje. 7. Operation No luk uche Face

Biblical Church of Christ. Aka Slap

satan face ministry.

8. Pay ur Tithe and offerin church of

God. AKApay ur tithe and win

generator gospeler. 9. SATAN If u try me u go hear ween

Prayer ministry.

10. Satan chop make i chop Bible

Assembly.

Aka we no dey find Satan trouble

ministry. I was shock beyond recognitn when

i saw dis name. Hahahahaha

just scrol down...

.

.

. .

.

.

.

.

, Boko Haram Prayer Ministry Aka

Devil u go fear fear. Adon die!!!!

AKPOS IN A BIBLE QUIZ

Q: who is judas?

Akpos: a farmer and vegetarian.

Q: why?

Akpos: becos judas eats carrot.

Q: where is judas from? Akpos: Nigeria.

Q: which tribe?

Akpos: igbo.

Q: why?

Akpos: becos he loves money.

Q: what is Lazarus surname? Akpos: Comfort.

Q: why?

Akpos: becos wen Jesus came to

his grave, He shouted "Lazarus

Comfort".

Q: who are the brothers of Lazarus that climb the tree to see

Jesus?

Akpos: Aki n Popo.

Q: why?

Akpos: because he is a short man.

Q: complete this bible quote, "many are called but..."

Akpos: many are called but few

have the credit to call back.

AKPORS CLASS. The new Principal was walkin

around the school compound to

inspect it.

He was passing along Akpors

class when he heared everybody

in d class chorusing Words and Particle after their teacher. He was impressed so he decided to

check them out. The Principal

entered.

Class: Good afternoon to u sir. God

bless.

Principal: what class is this? Class: js 3F sir.

Principal: what is the topic u are

treatin?

Class: Word Particle sir.

Principal: thats gud, am impress.

akpors their Teacher stood aside smilin.

Class: thank u sir.

Principal: i will like to further test

u.

Class: No problem sir. Principal: ok, lets start.

Up......

Class: up uper upest

Principal: short

Class:

short shorter shortest Principal: good Class: good,

gooder, goodest.

Principal: Thats wrong

Class: thats wrong, thats wronger,

dats wrongest.

Principal: what? Class: what, whater, whatest.

Principal: shut up

Class: shut up, shut uper, shut

upest.

Principal: na wao

Class: na wao, na waoer, na waoest.

Principal: what kind

of class is dis?

Class: what kind of

class is this, what kind of class is

diser, what kind of class is disest. Principal: teacher are u lukin at

them?

Class: teacher ar u lukin at them,

teacher ar u lukin at themer, teacher

ar u lukin at themest.

Principal: am out abeg. Class: am out abeg, am out

abeger, am out abegest.

Teacher akpors: lol

Class: lol loler lolest. Principal fainted. Add ursa ursest. Edited by don-ibro

A pilot was transporting a bunch

of madmen

from Lagos to a psychiatric facility

in

Johannesburg, South Africa.

The madmen were making noise. So, one of them (Akpos) entered the

Pilot’s

Cabin;

MADMAN (Akpos): Teach me how to

fly a

plane! PILOT : I would, but under one

condition.

Akpos : What ?

PILOT : If you can get your

colleagues to keep

quiet. (5 minutes later, the plane was

very quiet!

PILOT : Wow!! How did you get

them to keep

quiet ?

Akpos: I opened the door and asked them

to go and play outside!!

A thief broke into Akpos

house and stole his Tv. He

took

off and started running, Akpos

also ran after him. The

faster he ran, the faster the Akpos

also ran after him. Finally the

thief

got tired and stopped, Akpos

also stopped. Panting,

Akpos told the thief "Take the

remote, you forgot it"

UNCLE Akpors: Ah! ibro long time!

how re U doing?

ibro: Am ok tank u. I came to look

for admission to realize my dream

of becoming a Doctor! I hope u can

help? UNCLE Akpors : o I see, how was ur

O'level?

ibro: Fine O! 2 credits Sir, Yoruba &

Agric.

UNCLE Akpors: Laughing That is a

Good Result My Brother!! ! U can still be a Doctor but a native Doctor.

Use ur credit in Agric to look for

Herbs & ur credit in Yoruba for

incantations.

Akpors' first day in new

school.

Teacher: There will be an

elementary science test

next week.

Contrary to his nature, Akpors reads his book

from cover to cover like

no man's business.

On test day, teacher lines

up about 5 birds, covering

each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are

visible.

Question 1: Looking at the

leg of a bird write down

its' common name,

species, family, zoological name, habitat etc.

After about 20mins of

frustration and not writing

down anything, Akpors

storms to the teacher's

desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the

teacher.

'Sir, this test makes no

sense! I am going home!'

Teacher: What a rude boy!

Come back here. What is your name?

Akpors raises his trouser

and points to his leg:

'Oya u too, look my leg

na, tell me my name, my

surname, where I dey live, which tribe I come from,

oya na..!

An old farmer wrote Akpors his son

who was

in prison "This year I won't b able to plant

potatoes and other things because I

can't dig

the field, I know if you were here

you would have helped me" Akpors wrote back, "Dad, don't even

think of

digging the field do you want to

expose me? That's where I buried the money I

stole" The police read the letter before

delivering it

to the father, and the next day the

whole field

was dug by police but nothing was

found. The following day Akpors wrote to

his father

again, "Now you can plant your

potatoes Dad,

your farm has been dug for you

For a long time Akpos has been

battling with a leak in his roof. One

night there was a very heavy down

pour, he had to move from one

corner of his house to the other to

avoid drops from his roof. This made him have sleepless night. The next morning he decided to fix

his roof, after scouting for ladder in

his neighbourhood, he tried to climb

to the roof. Climbing wasn't easy, he

panted and sweated but successfully

climbed to the roof, as he was about to fix the damage, he heard a knock

on his door. He yelled from the top

of his voice; "who is that?" A

tattered looking beggar showed up

at the ground and said,"excuse me,

can I see u?" Akpos asked "what is it you want to tell me?" The beggar

said,"just spare me one minute".

Akpos climbed back to the ground,

looking tired and asked "what can I

do for you?" The beggar said "can u

give me N20?" Akpos thought for a while and said "FOLLOW ME". The two of them started climbing to

the roof,panting and gasping for

breath, they got to the roof, after

panting for one minute Akpos

turned to the beggar and said "I

DON'T HAVE"

Take charge of your choices. CHOOSE

TO LOOK UP when life presses you

down. CHOOSE TO SMILE when life

frowns at you. CHOOSE VICTORY over

defeat. The Lord bless and keep you.

THE HUGE N EXPENSIVE JOKE FROM A

COMEDIAN. A plane was about to crash and

there were only 4 parachutes

meanwhile there were 5 people on

it. The 1st person was Messi and he

said ''Do u know i'm the best

footballer, I cant die nw". He took 1

parachute and left. The 2nd who was Aliko Dangote

said "Do u know i'm the richest man

in Africa and i'm too young to die"

so he took the 2nd parachute and

left. President Jonathan said "Do u know

i'm the smartest president in the

world so i cant die nw", he took 1

and left. It was left with Pope John

Paul and a little school girl. The Pope

said to her"take the last one, i'll sacrifice my life for you". The little girl replied "there are two

parachutes left, Jonathan took my

skul bag" Na joke oooh

Footballer-- 1week- $300,000

Graduate -- 100yrs-- $300,000

Teacher----- 500yrs--$300,00 0

Drug dealer-- 2days- $300,000

Politician-- 24hrs--$300,000

Armed robber- 10mins-- $300,000. Choose Your Career Wisely!!! So, if Given a

Chance, what do u prefer to be??

LETTER OF LEAVE THE SCHOOL BY AKPOS

Dear sir,

I am vry happy I rite dis letter 2 u, how re u.

Ut wife n childs. I am rite dis letter to told

u dat am leave ur scholl 4eva. Y bcos in ur

scholl d teachers re cane us all vry hard one n sumtimes I wanted 2 cried bt my frnds

tell me dat man is not crying so I neva cry.

D last time bi too dat we write exams in d

scholl dat I am get 20% teacher tell me dat

*my head is die* oh it pain me too much

dat e tell me dat tin. Bt nw I am get addition to write bi exam into anoder

scholl. Ah I am tell u plenty tins too much 4

now, d time dat u tell as to cum 2 scholl

early kra mpo sumtimes I wake up early bt

I tries to b late, u av do say now I av left d

scholl 4 u peoples. I am gone away, BYE BYE