OVEREXCITABILITIES:

UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORTING

INTENSITYGallatin Gifted Group

October 15, 2012

INTRODUCTION

Welcome! Who we are: Barbara Geller, Wendy Morical Connections for parents

Gallatin Gifted Group mailing list SENG group

Our goal this evening

“If just being smart is all there is to being gifted, then what’s the problem?”

–Living with Intensity, Rivero

GIFTED INDIVIDUALS

EXPERIENCE LIFE DIFFERENTLY

You are packing the last of the boxes on the moving van when you spy your 10-year-old carefully tearing a bit of wallpaper from the living room. Upon closer examination, you see that he has pieces of wallpaper from every room tucked away in a shoebox. “These will help me remember every room in the most special house in the world,” he explains to you.

- These samples are from Delisle’s Parenting Gifted Kids

You take your teenage daughter to an art museum and split up so each family member can visit his or her favorite galleries. An hour later, you find your daughter just where you left her, and there are tears in her eyes. “This single painting carries the essence of what it means to be human,” she says. It’s then that you realize she has spent her whole time gazing at this one piece of artwork.

Your son’s teacher sends you a note that reads, “Although I love Joey’s enthusiasm, he must stop shouting out his answers in class. Also, please talk to him about the incessant tapping of his pencil, and his need to sit down when he is doing his worksheets.”

After your 4-year-old falls in the driveway, scraping her knee, you take her in your arms to comfort her tears. Once soothed, she looks you straight in the eye and says, “Mommy, it’s never going to get better than this.”

“In ways both subtle and all-too-obvious, society tries to transform unique perceptions into commonplace, standard-issue behaviors, beliefs, perceptions, and attitudes. When this occurs, we chip away … the essence of giftedness.

– Parenting Gifted Kids, Delisle

SO, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? “Gifted children take in information from

the world around them; they react and respond more quickly and intensely than other children. They are stimulated both by what’s going on around them and by what moves them from within.”

“Because they can be so greatly stimulated, and because they perceive and process things differently, gifted children are often misunderstood.”

Living with Intensity, Daniels and Piechowski

“ A child, rich in intensities and sensitivities, cannot be brought down to the “normal” range… Gifted children should not be pressed to “fit in” with all of the other children the same age. Rather, their capacity for intense experiencing is an asset that deserves to be understood and affirmed instead of squashed.”Living with Intensity, Daniels and Piechowski

HOW DO WE NURTURE AND SUPPORT THESE INTENSE WAYS OF EXPERIENCING LIFE ?

Educate ourselves Communicate Model Advocate Celebrate!

DOBROWSKI’S THEORY Theory of Positive Disintegration

Kazimierz Dabrowski Viewed “superstimulatability” as potential for

further growth Disintegration as a prelude to rebuilding Emotional development is result

Development Potential – three factors Genetic traits: talents, specific abilities, general

intelligence Overexcitibilities Capacity for self-determination, autonomy

Five Overexcitabilities Innate tendencies to respond to various stimuli Experience of things may be deeper, more vivid,

more acutely sensed

OVEREXCITABILITIES “…greater capacity to be stimulated by

and respond to external and internal stimuli. Overexcitability permeates a gifted person’s existence. Whether it’s music, language, physical sensing, kinesthetic activity, imagination, or something intellectual, an overexcitability orients and focuses [him]. Overexcitability gives energy to [his] intelligence and talents. It shapes [his] personality development.”

Note: this quote, and the following overexcitability information is taken directly from Living With Intensity, edited by Daniels and Piechowski.

PSYCHOMOTOR INTENSITY

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.”

–Martha Graham, 1894 - 1991

PSYCHOMOTOR INTENSITY Muscular activity associated with mental High energy level Not associated with athletic talent; due

to asynchrony, that may even lag behind

Movement facilitates learning May be verbally active as outlet “Enthusiastic, driven, competitive,

acting out…” May be misdiagnosed as ADHD

PSYCHOMOTOR According to Daniels, these children

need to hear:“You have wonderful enthusiasm and

energy.”“I wish I had your energy.”“You put your whole body into your

learning.”“Your intensity [drive] can help you do

many things.”“Sometimes our bodies need to relax.”

PSYCHOMOTORStrategies to support children

Discuss positive aspects of OE.Plan for movement, avoid prolonged sitting. Involve child in physical tasks – errands?Teach that time out can be a choice, not

punishment.Model and teach relaxation techniques.Help child notice signs of exhaustion or

need for quiet time.

SENSUAL INTENSITY

“The spectacle of the sky overwhelms me. I’m overwhelmed when I see, in an immense sky, the crescent of the moon, or the sun.”

–Joan Miró, 1893 – 1983

SENSUAL INTENSITY Heightened experience, both + and -, of

seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, and hearing

Often coupled with enhanced aesthetic appreciation

Smell may evoke deep, positive emotional connection – or strong aversion

Finicky eater – or gourmand Sounds can be soothing, uplifting – or highly

irritating Sensitive to touch (labels, socks); may

appreciate comfort objects longer Not exaggerating! Experience is real to them

SENSUAL According to Daniels, these children

need to hear:“You take such delight in beautiful sights,

sounds, and feelings.”“You like ________, but I notice _______

bothers you.”“It seems you know what you like and what

feels good to you.”“Sometimes, it’s good to try new things.

Would you like to try________?”

SENSUALStrategies to support children

Discuss positive aspects of OE.Provide environments that limit offensive

stimuli.“Dwell in delight”! – make time to relish

pleasures.Allow for child to control own living space as

much as possible.Help the child find comfortable and

appropriate clothing.Allow for prolonged attachments to objects.

INTELLECTUAL INTENSITY

“My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”

- Stephen Hawking, born 1942

INTELLECTUAL INTENSITY Capacity and appetite for intellectual effort

and stimulation Quest for understanding, truth Curiosity, “Why?” questions, fixations Mental multi tasking; thinking own “what if…”

thoughts, also following along Requires access to rich, varied challenges May be coupled with perfectionism; focused,

driven until “perfect” “Sometimes I feel like a big head rolling

around” Profound focus may be misdiagnosed as

“spectrum-y”

INTELLECTUAL According to Daniels, these children

need to hear:“Your curiosity fuels your intelligence.”“You have wonderfully wide/deep interests.”“You have great potential to learn new

things and make changes.”“You really stick to projects that interest

you.”“You defend your ideas and are open to

learning different information.”

INTELLECTUALStrategies to support children

Discuss positive aspects of OE.Listen to child’s ideas; schedule if necessary.Honor child’s desire to know and understand.Help children find answers to their own

questions.Allow child to develop and pursue own

projects.Help children develop goals and self-reflect

on progress toward them.Seek opportunities for interaction with

intellectual peers.

IMAGINATIONAL INTENSITY

“I dream, therefore I exist.”

–August Strindberg, 1849-1912

IMAGINATIONAL INTENSITY Linked with creative production Heightened capacity for fantasy, less

constrained by “the way it is.” Imaginary playmates common Imagination is source of retreat and delight Need to make thing more interesting can be

challenging for teachers Capable of clear mental visualization Daydream Great asset; wanes with teen/adult pressure

to “grow up!” Can lead to mistaken ADD diagnosis

IMAGINATIONAL According to Daniels, these children

need to hear:“You have a rich imagination.”“You view the world in a unique way.”“You think of and tell great stories.”“You make the mundane extraordinary” (!)

IMAGINATIONALStrategies to support children

Discuss positive aspects of OE. Cherish and preserve creative and

imaginational expression. Provide opportunities for relaxation and free

flow of ideas. Provide creative outlets. Help small children distinguish between

imaginary and the real world, determine when imagination is appropriate.

Have child use imagination to solve problems and cope with challenges.

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY“I have found it easier to identify with the

characters who verge upon hysteria, who were frightened of life, who were desperate to reach out to another person. But these seemingly fragile people are the strong people really.”

- Tennessee Williams,

1911-1983

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY Most extensive, Dobrowski felt Not as prized as intellectual, creative Intense feelings that are manifested in

extreme, complex, positive or negative ways Significant emotional response to

“insignificant” stimuli Sometimes rooted in fears, anxieties:

death loneliness loveconcern for othersexcruciating self-scrutiny

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY, CONTINUED Complexity of emotional response can

paralyze or inhibit: how to act? Strongest bonds not always with peers Empathy for others, social action Sometimes somatic expressions: heart,

sweat, stomach… Often accused of overreacting, drama Can transcend own life and see

overarching principles Misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety,

bipolar

EMOTIONAL According to Daniels, these children

need to hear:“You are sensitive to others’ feelings.”“You care very deeply and have deep

feelings.”“You are very loyal to those you care

about.”“You are wonderfully aware of

joy/frustration/love/anger/sadness…”

EMOTIONALStrategies to support childrenDiscuss positive aspects of OE.Accept feelings and the intensity with which

they are expressedDevelop a feeling vocabularyLearn listening and responding skillsTeach children to anticipate emotional

experiences, and rehearse responses, strategies

Use journaling to record feelingsFind activities that provide for expression of

empathy and social concern

COPING WITH INTENSITY – RESEARCH BASED STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING FAMILY INTERACTIONS1. ADVOCACY Ensure appropriate educational services

Challenge, to stretch and develop strategiesOrganizational skillsWork ethic Interaction with students

Focus on the experience of giftedness to problem solve

Use creativity, patience, trust Don’t sacrifice own needs or internalize

child’s struggles

COPING WITH INTENSITY – 2. CALMERS Know what calms each family member

down Can be related to senses

Music, white noise, quiet, noise cancelling headphones

Dimmer switchesAroma therapyYoga, breathing, exerciseHugs, stroking, hand massageVisualizationPilates balls, rocking

COPING WITH INTENSITY – 3. PATTERNS AND ROUTINES

All kids need boundaries Schedules for chores (let child track) Family meetings Advance warnings if change-averse Wear the new shoes out of the store Make sure they realize you’re talking to

them (name, touch)

COPING WITH INTENSITY – 4. ANTICIPATE Know signs and situations that may

trigger distress or “emotional flooding” Come up with ways to communicate when a

family member is getting distressedShare with teachers

Clothes that don’t irritate (tags, textures)

Classroom seating choices Snacks, protein breakfasts to eliminate

“bipolar” reactive hypoglycemia Expect needs to change as they mature

COPING WITH INTENSITY – 5. ACKNOWLEDGE & COMMUNICATE Acknowledge the emotions

“Mom, I don’t want you to solve my problem. I want you to acknowledge my emotions.”

Spend time one-on-one with each family member

Document optimistic options Tag team

Let others help Step in to deescalate

Take care of yourself Celebrate successes

RESOURCES Daniels, Susan and Michael Piechowski, eds.

Living with Intensity. Great Potential Press, 2009 Delisle, James. Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for

Raising Happy and Successful Children. Prufrock Press, 2006

Fonseca, Christine. Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students. Prufrock Press, 2011

Michels, Debbie and Teresa Rowlinson. Getting Over Excitabilities. SENG Vine, March 2011 (www.sengifted.org)

Rivero, Lisa. The Smart Teen’s Guide to Living with Intensity. Great Potential Press, 2010

Webb, James et.al. Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults. Great Potential Press, 2005