GAME 6!

This story contains my triumphs, failures, perceptions, creative resilience,

perseverance, patience, struggles, courage, spirituality, and futuristic thinking for those

who may doubt their abilities to overcome the GAME! It was just 6 years ago when I finally went over as a brother of Groove Phi

Groove Social Fellowship Inc. I remember for years I was trying to become a part of an

organization with solid ties connected to my culture. I attended Virginia Commonwealth

University where there were no non-Greek organizations on campus. I was the odd-one

out in my group of friends; the one that was made fun of because of my artistic thoughts

and the way I viewed life. During this time a great majority of my friends either pledged

Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Incorporated or Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Incorporated. I

stayed off to the side because I didnt really know what it meant until one day a Jamaican

sister came up to me from another organization called Swing Phi Swing. Immediately

after she informed me that they had a brother organization I was in. She told the brothers

about me and they set up a meeting date. My first introduction to the brotherhood was not

the best one, because I called out one the groove calls and wasnt officially part of the

brother yet. It was embarrassing on her behalf. Upon entering orientation I was shocked and not aware of what I had gotten myself into,

which was an extremely hard transition. So just like anybody who was not prepared for

such a task, I failed, or as any brother or sister of the organization would say: You

dropped. At the time my mind was not right but in my heart I still wanted to become a Groove. So I had to get myself together, move forward, and try again. During the second

try to become a part of the brotherhood, my life was a mess. I broke up with my girlfriend

and as a result of transitioning info a different mindset I cut my long 2 feet dreeds off. I

dropped again and that added to the pain of my failures. I let out all of that emotion in my

acting class. I chose to perform a piece where I was grieving at a funeral and I had to cry

when I saw the dead relative in the casket. When I got to the casket in the scene, I burst

out into tears from all of the emotional pain I experienced in my failures. This was my

outlet. From that pain came sunshine and glory. As I traveled back and fourth from VA to DC

and DC to VA on the weekends to work a security job paying $12 an hour, I used this

time to gain clarity. I would leave VA on Saturdays to work the night shift from 7pm to

7am and catch the 6:50am bus just to get back to VA for my 9:30am acting class on

Monday. In that alone time came a lot of thoughts regarding what I wanted to do with my

career as an actor. Enter: Diversity Theatre Co. My idea became the saving grace for all

my past failures. The student organization Diversity Theatre produced its first major

production in the public off campus with a full house for two shows. However great, the

success of the show did not fill the void in me still wanting to become a member of

Groove Phi Groove SFI. So the summer of 2008 I signed up for the third time. My mindset was changed and I

finally had a line brother to go on with me who I could relate to. His name is Larry

Roberson. We had our ups and down while being orientated but we together finally made

it to become members of Groove Phi Groove SFI. In fall of 2009 I was the first member of Groove Phi Groove on Virginia Commonwealth

Universitys campus. I dealt with a lot of politics that year trying to establish Groove Phi

Groove Social Fellowship Incorporated on campus as a student organization. We were

confronted for not being a part of National Pan-Hellenic Council, Incorporated. At the

time we were labeled as a black panther organization by those who were too ignorant to find out what our organization was all about. During my last year, I vowed to leave a

mark of creativity and culture on campus by helping other interested brothers become a

part of the organization. My last semester was a roller coaster. I was consumed with many events. Diversity

Theatre student organization created its first fashion show held in VCU Commons

Center. We also put on a resounding three-night production of the Colored Museum in

Shafer Street Playhouse. The night of our fashion show and the Grooves probate was history in the making. That night was a reminder of how God has always been in my life

throughout the pain Ive experienced. I remember walking on stage during the intermission of the fashion show. I dropped the mic an announced with my full acting

voice: TONIGHT GROOVE PHI GROOVE PROBATES, GGGGG PPPPHHHIIII !!!!

SIX DUCES! In my mind I knew this would surprise everyone. Looking over to back exit

near the left I saw some members of the Devine Nine leave the fashion show. I figured

they may have been trying to get to the place where the probate was going to be held.

Six years later in 2013, I traveled to my homeland Lagos, Nigeria and upon returning I

made up in my mind that this was my year; that I would continue graduate school and

pass the Comprehensive Exam. I created my study guide and went through it rigorously

each day. I practiced typing the exam on my computer two or three times a week. I got so

confident that when rehearsing the information with my lady I would spit the information

out as fast as possible like I didnt really need to study. The day of the exam, I dressed

up in all white believing that if I dressed spiritually, I would have no problems passing

the exam. I believe that God would take care of my needs even if I made a mistake. The

exam was long and stressful. I regurgitated all the information without thinking about

how it was written. After the exam I asked my lady how she felt about the exam and she

said that it was no doubt in her mind that she passed the exam. I was a bit unsure but I

brushed it off because I didnt want to be consumed by the stress that I might have failed. Two months passed and I was sitting in the Martin Luther King auditorium waiting for

Angela Davis to speak. While waiting I texted my lady to check online for my

Comprehensive Exam grade. She texted me back and said that I failed and becoming

victim to my own denial I checked it myself just to make sure that the she read the grade

right. Sure enough there was a big fat F on my transcript. I was upset and very disappointed. Even though she passed I was still frustrated because my ideal was that we

were going to pass together. So back to the drawing board I went full of rage and a want for revenge. I made

disrespectful remarks on how I felt about everything that I put myself through in the

program just to fail a major exam. I started to analyze and break down the whole

Counseling Psychology program and educational system. I began to realize how the

grade affected my self-esteem as a student. My failure transformed into constructive

motivational rage to prove a point beyond my understanding of how my actions would

affect others negatively. I was definitely egotistical to think that the faculty shouldnt have failed me because of

how committed I am to the department, especially being Public Relations for a graduate

student organization that upheld the methodology of the program. I had extreme thoughts

of, once I passed, burning the letter then sent or tear it and put it in a frame and label it

Failure. At that time my ego was so hell bent on not playing the game as it was when I

was being orientated for Groove Phi Groove for the first time. My lady tried to talk some

sense in my head and she helped me to understand that if I failed or passed she was going

to be by my side no matter what. So with that reassurance of love I proceeded to take the

exam again for the second time. This time I studied with my lady and I only studied the basic generic information that can

be regurgitated and spit back out as simple as possible. My test answers were very

simplistic and straight to the point. I wasnt comfortable given details because I thought

it would be too much and faculty wouldnt understand my abstract responses on the

exam. During my preparation of the second attempt at taking the exam, Diversity Theatre had a

program that I produced within the Civic Center. The event was in a huge building but it

was a major flop. No one showed up and I felt all the mistakes fell on me because of lack

of information and knowledge. I was frustrated and disappointed with myself. I thought

with me coming back from Africa and seeing Obama for the first time in the beginning of

the year that it was going to be a good year. After the production in September, I began to

study for the exam a second time. I approached the material with a cooler head but still

had the hidden agenda to speak my mind as an artist having to conform to the department

ideals. I truly had false expectations of my professors to understand my artistic train of

thought. Surprisingly that whole 2013 year I learned that my expectations of folk were

too high and unspoken, and that I needed to express them for growth purposes.

I took the exam for the second time and left the testing site confident because I knew I

had time to spare to review what I had written. It was a sunny day. Ironically this was

also Groove Phi Groove Founders Day weekend so I wanted to celebrate. I took a selfie

in the bathroom, because I was feeling good about my progress thus far. When I got

home I started packing up my books and notes that I used to study for the exam.

Everyday until I got the results from the exam I prayed and prayed but still felt

misunderstood by faculty. The waiting process of the exam tested and broke down my

ego. The process challenged my pride and had me wondering if I should continue to

pursue my masters degree. After a month and a half I received the results on my smart

phone while sitting in my pre-school classroom at my job. I scrolled down and it said

F. My heart dropped to my stomach and I was devastated by the results. I admittedly

called the counseling department to speak with the head of the department. I asked for an

appeal. I also asked if they could double check to see if the grade was correct. The

faculty member informed me that I failed. I then asked what were my options since,

because I could only take the exam one more time to continue the program to receive my

masters degree. I had no other options but to consult with faculty on what I needed to do

to pass the exam for the final time. To make my frustration even worse I received the

failure notice in the mail right before the holidays and my birthday. So stress and anxiety

continued to linger on my consciousness as I began to create strategies of how to pass the

exam. I felt paranoid as if someone was targeting me or out to get me and wanted me to

fail. I felt my morale and spirit were being attacked which made me go even deeper into

why I actually cared about finishing the program. I had moments where I created through

my frustration. I was compelled by and confronted with numerous questions about why

the department didnt understand my artistic language on the exam. I wanted to see if

theyd be interested in expanding the department to fit everyones learning style. I also

came to realize through talking to my lady that my expectations for my seminar paper

and professors were flawed as well. It was a very upsetting time confronting my own

unspoken expectations and education that I wanted to receive within this system. I did not

have the resources I needed to flourish. After coming to this realization I begin to take a

step back from the examination process. I began to walk on faith and connect with God spiritually. I told God if its Your will, it

will be done. I stopped having unspoken expectations. I started to pray for those who

needed help developing and improving the system of education. I started to look from the

outside and further analyze my perspective and expectations. I came to the conclusion

and reality of accepting that the school system is a business. That the program lacks the

adequacy to nurture and support students needs. I thought selfishly that passing this

exam would help me change my life. But I realize that pursuing my masters degree would

change my childrens lives. By understanding my failure and the system of education it

molded my character. The failures I experienced shaped my character as a man and to

understand I needed to live beyond receiving good grade. It helped me become a life long

learner because Ill always be ignorant to things I dont know until I do my research. I

was in the program to connect my experience of failure with those who may have given

up. The experience of failure made me optimistic and it helped me to look beyond just

graduating from college. It helped me to begin setting up myself to become more of an

entrepreneur and not just living off my degree as a sense of entitlement. So coming to

that conclusion within myself, I began to ask professors the necessary questions

pertaining on how to complete the exam. They told me that I was missing application,

application, and application. Knowing that Im a kinetics learning, I found it very hard to

apply theories that I have never used before. I realized that the test calls for fictional

creativity with some life experiences as well. So when I became aware of what was

required of me I began to create. Probing through the process helped me to understand

why I had a hard time transitioning from theatre performance to counseling psychology.

In my undergraduate years in theatre performance our learning ability and comprehension

skills were measured/assessed by our critical thinking skills and hands on assignments

that were provided. Pursuing my masters degree became frustrating when I come to

realize that the graduate school I chose did adopted that same hands on active approach to

students learning ability. Many of my classes only provided visual stimulation (slide

shows/videos) and no hands on opportunities to increase my chances of passing the

comprehensive exam when I first took it. What was even more upsetting is that students

had to pass the exam before entering into a hands on internship and where

application/theories can be applied. After gathering feedback from each professor I began to study again. I was persistent

with my scheduled meetings with all professors and held them accountable and aware of

my goal to pass the exam. I held my head up high to all faculty and made them aware that

I would be the first black male in my family to receive a masters degree. Concurrently, I

began to work on Diversity Theatres next production. I began to create options outside

of school because I didnt want to be solely dependent on grades for my worth. I began to

understand that I needed to take control of my own destiny and not let the institution

determine my fate. I began to create my own educational expectations and standards

independent of what the university provided and required. From December through February our company was in production mode for our up and

coming event. I also was fighting political and economic battles at my job for my school

to stay open. I received a lot of emotional and cognitive growth by nurturing/supporting

the 3 and 4 year olds children in pre-school. In February, Diversity Theatre also

sponsored a Groove Phi Groove event hosting Dr. Umar Johnson at the University

amongst all the odds and red taped we had to go through just to get him to the University.

I remember expressing my frustration to him about failing the exam and he said: Brother

beat them at their own game. On February 28 and March 1, 2014 we presented Kings of Kulture and Kush to the public

and it was a major success with a full house thanks to our solid relationships, board

members, cast, and production team. Additionally, I proposed to my lady and she said

yes, which pleased my ancestors. Even though I hadnt studied heavily for the exam I

was walking on faith whether I passed or failed. I reminded myself that I have dreams

beyond any institutional expectation. I understood that God had His hand on my life and

that no one could be against that force. Emotionally, I was beginning to let go even

though anxiety and stress held me daily by my breath.

Finally the day came where I took the exam. I remember the guy sitting next to me said,

Relax guy, its ok. I told him, This is beyond me; this is for my future family. This time I finished the exam and with little time to edit. After walking out of the building I

went straight to a Groove Phi Groove entrepreneurial workshop presented by DC Junior

Groovers, where we taught young boys how to create their own destiny. I figured that my

knowledge should not be constricted by my emotional expectation of exam results. I gave

my words of wisdom to the youth to help them prepare for life challenges. As the days continued, feelings of anxiety weighed on my shoulders. I carried that

pressure for two months because I did not know what the results of the exam would be. It

made me have restless nights and unbalanced emotions not knowing what would happen.

Some days I was ponder what would happen and other times I would just ask God to take

the worry away off my shoulders so that I can rest. But I knew realistically that that

wouldnt be possible until I knew the results. Each day I prayed for the ancestors and

God to be in my favor for passing the exam. I had mood swings and mixed emotions. It

took a toll on my mental state at times. But on April 23, 2014 while sitting in my class I

received the results on my phone that showed PS which meant I passed the

comprehensive exam. I reeled back in the pre-school chair and took a long breath and

exhale with my hands on my face. I was about to cry, but to this day Im still taking in the

moment and realization that I have pass and can continue without the struggle of this

exam. I can pursue my goals now without this burden.

At this time I encourage all to continue to push and make progress in your life. Never

give up your dreams and goals. Dont quit, because its not about you its about the

doorways that you open for another. Its about legacy and true sincere resilience to over

come the impossible with faith in God and your ancestors. Its about living life not for the

moment but for the future.