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1Garth Gibson, 6/12/01 3:05 AM -0400, In honor of the death of Stephanie, SatuDate: Tue, 12 Jun 2001 03:05:29 -0400To: [email protected]: Garth Gibson <[email protected]>Subject: In honor of the death of Stephanie, Saturday June 9, 2001, at home.Resent-Date: Tue, 12 Jun 2001 3:16:39 EDTResent-From: [email protected]: [email protected]
Friends of Stephanie Jo Byram,
It is with great sadness and overwhelming love that I tell you nowthat Stephanie passed away Saturday night, June 9, at about 8:30 pm athome in Pittsburgh. Please feel invited to attend a memorial servicefor Stephanie at 4 pm EDT Sunday June 17 at the First Unitarian Churchin Pittsburgh.
I am so very proud of Stephanie, of the life she lived and the nobleway she prepared for her death. Since the gamma knife procedure onthe tumor in her brain done in November of last year, Stephanie hasendured a variety of chemotherapy treatments seeking a drug that couldcontain the tumor in her liver. While we were not able to find one,we were able to limit the side-effects of those drugs. Duringtreatments Stephanie made the time and energy to reach out to manypeople and prepare them and herself for the changes she knew werecoming. She managed a dozen trips visiting more than a dozen statesand a province in Canada. She hosted family and friends in thePittsburgh house she renovated as a lasting gift to me. She delveddeeply into spirituality in her special open minded way with inputfrom our Unitarian Universalist congregation, her Buddhist StillpointSangha community, a Navaho medicine man, a Zen dharma teacher and somany individuals willing to share their spirituality with her. Insupport of my ventures, and because she thrilled in my excitement,Stephanie built special relationships with many new friends at CMU'sParallel Data Lab and, more recently, at the company I co-founded afew years ago, Panasas.
Her drive and love of adventure was evident in the many things shedid. Since her first cancer diagnosis eight years Stephanie finisheda PhD in Behavioral Decision Theory at CMU. She travelled the countryrunning competitively in Race For The Cure events. She collaboratedin a photo documentary of a young woman's journey through breastcancer that is now available on multiple web sites, on display in amuseum's permanent collection, on video (through Amazon.com), and in abook soon to be published by the University of Pittsburgh Press. Theculmination of Stephanie's efforts is documented on a web site called"The Stephanie Project at http://thestephanieproject.org.
During this time, Stephanie travelled the world with friends andfamily: hiking in Nepal and Peru, safari in Zambia and Botswanna,snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, canoeing Canadian lakes, andcamping in American National Parks, to mention a few.
In early summer 1997, Stephanie accepted me into her life. Althoughit required following her to Washington state and persuading her formonths, she agreed to marry me in the late fall 1998. In a wonderful"wild and succulent ceremony" two years ago this coming Monday we weremarried at the First Unitarian Church of Pittsburgh and held aheartfelt reception with readings from many guests and my brothers'bare bottoms at the Frick Art Museum. In the following fall, 1999,Stephanie found an 80 year old quirky house in Squirrel Hill,
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2Garth Gibson, 6/12/01 3:05 AM -0400, In honor of the death of Stephanie, SatuPittsburgh and launched a renovation agenda that reached completionjust last week.
In the last two months of her life, Stephanie took a spiritualpilgrimage for her own growth and to say goodbye to family andfriends. With her father driving, they travelled the Western Americanstates, visiting National Parks, discovering family history, backroads, mom and pop restaurants and motels. I joined Stephanie, herDad, Michel, and sister, Staci, as we met the family of our favoritepottery artist on the Rio Grande in Albuquerque. Stephanie loved thespontaneity of stopping to watch cowboys at work and Indian sheepherders. She especially treasured seeking out her ancestors'homestead in Oregon and visiting the Navaho sacred places in Canyon deChelly in Arizona. As the trip progressed, Stephanie's illness causedher more and more discomfort, but she was undeterred. She visited herAunt Betty on the horse farm in Spokane, her grandparents in Twisp,and finally her sister and Mom, Barbara, back in Tacoma. Afterspending a week at her home in Pittsburgh, she flew off to Canada tosee her sisters and brothers in-law and their children. She alsospent time with Ron and Mary Gibson, her father and mother in-law.To her delight, she shared a showing of "The Lion King" musical inToronto with her new siblings.
When she arrived back in Pittsburgh, she took the time to transfermore and more of the mechanics of her life to me. She taught me howto manage our finances. She told me how to make end of life medicaldecisions. She specified what she wanted done with her ashes--ninespecial places in Washington State including Slate Peak and Harts Passon the Pacific Crest Trail. She made lists and instructions on thecompletion of our kitchen. Without urgency nor anxiety she spent timeat home in Pittsburgh with many of her friends.
During this time, the tumor in Stephanie's liver started exertingincreasing pressure on her abdomen. In typical Stephanie style, shenamed the enlarging abdomen "Harriet" and the heating pads that kepther comfortable, "the Heaters." She spent her time organizing andsleeping. On Thursday night, June 7, 2001, Barbara and I tookStephanie to the Shadyside Hospital as the pressure from the livertumor was causing her extreme discomfort. After the doctors told usthat the liver was 90% tumor and they could only offer mild relieffrom the pain, we decided to take her home. While in the hospitalshe was continually surrounded by her family and many friends. We alltalked to her, played her favorite music and read to her. Again, intrue Stephanie fashion, shortly after getting home that evening,surrounded by her family and friends, she smiled and breathed her lastin this life.
As so many of you have reinforced for me, Stephanie was a great soul.She cared for and reached out to so many people close and far, knownand unknown.
Please honor her in the manner your relationship with her calls for.If you want to join us in memorial next Sunday, June 17, at the FirstUnitarian Church of Pittsburgh at 4 pm, please do. If you want tosend me a note for display at that memorial, I will do my best toinclude it. We would appreciate stories of special experiences withStephanie.
If you want to give a gift in her honor, she asked that you contributeto:
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3Garth Gibson, 6/12/01 3:05 AM -0400, In honor of the death of Stephanie, SatuThe Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer FoundationP.O. Box 650309, Dallas TX 75265-0309And please specify on your check "In memory of Stephanie J. Byram."
The First Unitarian Church of Pittsburgh is at 605 Morewood Avenue,Pittsburgh PA 15213, 412-621-8008. I'll leave it to you to getdirections to the east end of Pittsburgh, the Oakland district that ishome to the University of Pittsburgh and Carnegie Mellon University.Heading east on Forbes Ave, from downtown or the parkway (376), passthe Cathedral of Learning and The Carnegie Museum. Cross a shortbridge and at the second light, beside the campus of Carnegie MellonUniversity, turn left from Forbes onto Morewood Avenue. Go two morelights to First Church at Ellsworth Avenue. Park on the street.
I have attached a few pictures from Stephanie's last few months.There are many more on the web athttp://www.cs.cmu.edu/~garth/PhotoAlbum.
If you wish to send email to Stephanie's family or myself, please sendemail to us at [email protected].
Thank you for caring about Stephanie
garth
June 11, 2001.
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