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Gender & Gender & FamilyFamily
CommunicationCommunication
COMMUN-I-CATIONCOMM-U-NICATION
Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.
Communication Is More Than “JUST TALKING”
Communication Is More Than “JUST TALKING”
VERBALS
VISUALS
Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.
The Three V’s OfCommunicationThe Three V’s OfCommunication
VOCALS1 2 3
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
“I Am Going To The Mall.”
Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.
What he wants to get acrossWhat he actually says
What she actually hears
What she thinks she heardWhat she says she heardWhat he thinks about what she said
she heard
“Just Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say”“Just Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say”
REPORTREPORTSTATUSSTATUSINDEPENDENTINDEPENDENTRESOLVERSRESOLVERSCONDENSERSCONDENSERSFACTS FOCUSFACTS FOCUS
Cross-Gender Communication:
Venus and Mars?
Cross-Gender Communication:
Venus and Mars?
RAPPORTRAPPORTCONNECTIONSCONNECTIONS
INTERDEPENDENTINTERDEPENDENTEXPRESSERSEXPRESSERSEXPANDERSEXPANDERS
FEELINGS FOCUSFEELINGS FOCUS
OUTCOMES & GOALSUnderstanding Man-Talk
OUTCOMES & GOALSUnderstanding Man-Talk
Issues:“Men Don’t
Listen”
“Men Don’t Talk”
“Men Don’t Express Their
Feelings”
Issues:“Men Don’t
Listen”
“Men Don’t Talk”
“Men Don’t Express Their
Feelings”
We Socialize Boys To Focus On We Socialize Boys To Focus On Outcomes and Goals:Outcomes and Goals:
•Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable RulesRules
•Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Need HelpNeed Help
•Boys/Men Build and Fix ThingsBoys/Men Build and Fix Things
We Socialize Boys To Focus On We Socialize Boys To Focus On Outcomes and Goals:Outcomes and Goals:
•Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable RulesRules
•Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Need HelpNeed Help
•Boys/Men Build and Fix ThingsBoys/Men Build and Fix Things
OUTCOMES & GOALSUnderstanding Man-Talk
OUTCOMES & GOALSUnderstanding Man-Talk
Issues:“Men Don’t
Listen”
“Men Don’t Talk”
“Men Don’t Express Their
Feelings”
Issues:“Men Don’t
Listen”
“Men Don’t Talk”
“Men Don’t Express Their
Feelings”
Men learn that problems are expressed ONLY when you can’t solve them yourself.
He hears a NEED and offers a He hears a NEED and offers a SOLUTION!SOLUTION!
He reserves his talking for when he has He reserves his talking for when he has figured things out and “knows” he’s figured things out and “knows” he’s
right.right.
Men have caveman moments and Men have caveman moments and should let their partners know: “I’ll be should let their partners know: “I’ll be
back”. back”.
Men DO talk. In fact, they talk more than women do. It’s how and when they talk
that’s different.
Men learn not to express the “weakness” emotions publicly: fear, sadness, stress,
sensitivity.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP
Understanding Woman-Talk
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP
Understanding Woman-TalkWe Socialize Girls To Focus On
“The Process” and Relationships:
•Girls/Women Nurture and Care For Things
•Girls/Women Learn That Strong Interactions and Relationships Are The Key To Problem Solving
•Girls/Women Play Games In Which The Big Picture Is More Important Than The Details.
We Socialize Girls To Focus On “The Process” and Relationships:
•Girls/Women Nurture and Care For Things
•Girls/Women Learn That Strong Interactions and Relationships Are The Key To Problem Solving
•Girls/Women Play Games In Which The Big Picture Is More Important Than The Details.
Issues:“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
Issues:“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
Some “criticism” is about nurturing and trying to make men “be better”, “do
better”, “feel better”.She is trying to communicate concern, She is trying to communicate concern,
interest, and ownership to equals interest, and ownership to equals
He hears a lack of faith in his ability He hears a lack of faith in his ability and lack of acceptance of him.and lack of acceptance of him.
When nurturing becomes nagging.When nurturing becomes nagging.
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-
Talk
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-
TalkIssues:
“Women Want To Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
Issues:“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
When she’s stressed, she wants to talk about it
Her answers come by talking them out, Her answers come by talking them out, not thinking them out.not thinking them out.
Women are expanders and men are Women are expanders and men are condensers.condensers.
This requires men to This requires men to listenlisten and not just and not just hearhear. Listening takes practice.. Listening takes practice.
We all think 5 times faster than we We all think 5 times faster than we talk. Dangers? Running ahead, talk. Dangers? Running ahead,
wandering off, jumping in, brushing wandering off, jumping in, brushing away, and blocking outaway, and blocking out
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-
Talk
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-
TalkIssues:
“Women Want To Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
Issues:“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
Because women are encouraged to see things in broad strokes and big pictures, they also talk in superlatives, metaphors,
and overgeneralizations.He believes she’s really experiencing He believes she’s really experiencing
this level of hopelessness.this level of hopelessness.
Precision in questions asked and Precision in questions asked and statements made.statements made.
Gunnysacking.Gunnysacking.
Differences In Frame Of ReferenceDifferences In Frame Of Reference
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-
Talk
PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-
TalkIssues:
“Women Want To Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
Issues:“Women Want To
Control Men”
“Women Talk Too Much”
“Women Are Too Emotional”
“Never”
“Everyone”
“Anything”
“Everything”
“Always”“No One”
“Nothing”“Every time”
InflectionsUse Of High-Rising Tones In Declarative StatementsUse Of High-Rising Tones In Declarative Statements
Tag QuestionsQuestions Added To The End Of Declarative StatementsQuestions Added To The End Of Declarative Statements
Discourse ParticlesSegmentation Markers and Hesitation MarkersSegmentation Markers and Hesitation Markers
Shift MechanismsConjunctions (“However”) and Interjections (“Listen”)Conjunctions (“However”) and Interjections (“Listen”)
Hedge Words (e.g., “maybe”, “perhaps” “sort of”)
Politeness And Rapport Markers (e.g., “Would you mind?”)
Vocal DifferencesIn Men-Talk & Women-Talk
Vocal DifferencesIn Men-Talk & Women-Talk
