AR E Y O U D I V O R C E

F I T?  

Maxine Clancy Coaching Ltd

Mental, Emotional & Spiritual Fitness For Divorce

quiz & Checklist

W E L C O M E

H E L L O , G R A B Y O U R S E L F A C U P P A

A N D L E T S G E T S T A R T E D

Divorce is one of the most mentally, emotionally, physically and

spiritually draining experiences you'll ever go through. It's runs

parallel with bereavement and catastrophic financial loss. 

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The Divorce Fit quiz & checklist will help you to discover where you are on your

healing journey and what steps you need to take in order to transform your break

up pain.

How to use this guide:

First take our Check-up test to see where you are on our emotional wellbeing

thermometer. This will help you get clarity on the gap between where you are and

where you want to be, and identify the steps you can take to get you moving.

Next, use our Checklist section to see what steps you can take to feel more

emotionally centred and to begin to cultivate a Divorce Fit mindset to support

you at this time.  

1. When you go to bed at night, are you?

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B. I’m shattered, I fall straight to sleep.

A. I think about my ex and the empty space and cry myself to sleep

C. I can’t sleep in the marital bed and it takes me ages to get to sleep

D. I sleep in the lounge, but I want to drive over to my Ex’s house and

see what he’s doing or where he is…sometimes I actually do that.

2. What’s it like for you in the morning?

B. I feel exhausted when I wake up, but I get up and focus on my day.

A. I feel pain as soon as I wake up and I want to hide under the duvet.

C. I can’t face the day, thoughts of my ex are constantly in my head

and it hurts like hell to get out of bed (sometimes I just stay there).

D. I have absolutely no reason to get out of bed, I feel like I’ve nothing

to live for.

3. How do you feel about food?

B. I’m okay, I eat what I want when I want.

A. I can’t eat, I feel sick all the time.

C. I’m so angry I don’t even think about food or taking care of myself.

D. I forget to eat. I’m so obsessed with what I used to do with my ex, or

what they're doing right now.

C H E C K U P

C H E C K U P4. When you’re with friends, how are you feeling?

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B. I don’t want to talk about my ex, I’d prefer to talk about anything else.

A. I talk about my ex, update them on the latest news, I cry if I need to.

C. I talk non stop about my ex and how messy the divorce is and what

a bastard he is and how much I wish he was dead, I’m so angry.

D. I’m obsessed with my ex, what he's doing. I’m distracted when telling my

friends or family and I find myself agitated by their lack of understanding.

5. How do you feel about the legal aspect of your divorce?

B. I just want it over, I don’t want to have to deal with it.

A. I want it to be fair for both of us.

C. I’m taking him to the cleaners, he doesn’t deserve anything after

what he’s put me through.

D. I can’t even think about divorce, I am sure we will get back together,

he’s the only man for me.

6. When I think about my marriage and what went wrong, I find myself thinking;

B. I don’t want to think about it, I'm just focusing on the future.

A. I can see that I was also to blame for what went wrong.

C. It’s all his fault, I’m not able to see where it went wrong and it's

certainly not my fault.

D. I can’t imagine a future without my Ex. I will do everything I can to

get him back otherwise my life isn’t worth living.

C H E C K U P7. When you think about the future without your Ex, do you find yourself?

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B. I feel a bit numb, but I’ll be okay.

A. I can’t imagine a future right now, but I think after some time I will be

able to.

C. I’m glad to be rid of my Ex and although I don’t admit it to anyone

else, I really want to see him suffer. I’m looking forward to the day

when he sees how happy I am and that I'm so much better than his

new partner.

D. I can’t imagine a future without my Ex. I'll do everything I can to get

him back otherwise my life isn’t worth living.

8. What’s your personal hygiene and well being routine like at the moment?

B. Nothing's changed, I do what I usually do.

A. I might not feel like it, but showering each day, helps me feel better.

I do my best to focus on looking good and taking care of myself.

C. I’m so angry with myself and everyone else that I stomp and storm

through my day. I sometimes forget to take any time for me to feel good

(I do shower though).

D. I can go for days without showering, I don’t even notice. I forget to

eat, put clean clothes on or even brush my hair.

C H E C K U P9. When you receive an email or SMS from your Ex and they're changing arrangements, how do you react.?

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B. I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me.

A. I find it unsettling, it triggers feelings of disappointment and being let

down.

C. It completely triggers me. I get angry, I feel like calling him up and

telling him what I think of him. I feel out of control.

D. It derails me, I start to wonder what I’ve done wrong or I start to

obsess about what it means, why he's done that. I find I can't focus on

anything else and I feel completely alone and abandoned.

10. With regards to my life and risk at the present time, I find myself?

B. Nothing's changed, I am carrying on as normal.

A. I’m afraid for my future, I find myself anxious and worry a lot.

C. I'm a bit out of control, I’m binge drinking or doing a few scary and

dangerous things (like unprotected sex, abusing drugs, spending

wrecklessly on my credit card).

D. I’m feeling wreckless with my life, I don’t really care about what

happens to me, I feel like giving away all my things, I have suicidal

thoughts, I feel excessive shame or guilt.

NOW ADD UP YOUR SCORE

I ' M M O S T L YA ' S B ' SY o u ’ r e i n a v o i d a n c e a n d d e n i a l

a b o u t y o u r d i v o r c e o r b r e a k u p . I t ’ s

y o u r w a y o f p r o t e c t i n g y o u r s e l f s o

y o u d o n ’ t h a v e t o f e e l t h e p a i n o f

w h a t y o u ' r e g o i n g t h r o u g h .

T h i s s t r a t e g y w o r k s f o r a s h o r t

p e r i o d o f t i m e , h o w e v e r , l o n g t e r m

i t w i l l d e l a y y o u r h e a l i n g p r o c e s s

a n d w i l l i m p a c t y o u r a b i l i t y t o h a v e

a h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s h i p i n t h e

f u t u r e .

A v o i d a n c e o f e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e

e m o t i o n s o f y o u r d i v o r c e w i l l

e v e n t u a l l y h a v e a h u g e i m p a c t o n

y o u r s t r e s s l e v e l s . H i g h s t r e s s

d e p l e t e s y o u r e n e r g y a n d y o u ' l l

e n d u p f e e i n g e x h a u s t e d m o s t o f

t h e t i m e ( i f n o t a l r e a d y ) . C o r t i s o l

l e v e l s i n t h e b o d y w i l l i n c r e a s e ,

w h i c h h a s a d e t r i m e n t a l i m p a c t o n

w e i g h t g a i n , i n c r e a s e s a g e i n g & w i l l

a f f e c t y o u r p e r f o r m a n c e a t w o r k

a n d y o u r o v e r a l l h a p p i n e s s .

Y o u ' r e h a v i n g t h e m o s t h e a l t h y

r e s p o n s e t o y o u r d i v o r c e . Y o u ’ r e

p r e s e n t t o t h e p a i n a n d t h e

v a r i e t y o f e m o t i o n s y o u ’ r e g o i n g

t h r o u g h .

Y o u ’ r e a w a r e t h a t y o u d o n ’ t w a n t

t o e x p e r i e n c e t h i s l o s s a n d t h a t

i t ’ s g o i n g t o c h a n g e y o u r l i f e .

Y o u ’ r e i n t h e l e a s t t o x i c z o n e , a n d

w i t h t h e r i g h t s u p p o r t a n d

e m b a r k i n g o n a h e a l i n g j o u r n e y

N O W , y o u ’ l l b e a b l e t o t r a n s f o r m

y o u r d i v o r c e i n t o a n o p p o r t u n i t y

t o t h r i v e a n d d i s c o v e r t h e b e s t o f

y o u r s e l f .

C h o o s i n g t o s t e p i n t o y o u r h e a l i n g

n o w w i l l m i n i m i s e y o u r l o n g t e r m

s u f f e r i n g a n d e n a b l e y o u t o c r e a t e

a f o u n d a t i o n o f h a p p y h e a l t h y

l o v e w i t h i n y o u s o y o u c a n g o o n

t o c r e a t e t h i s w i t h a n o t h e r

p a r t n e r i n t h e f u t u r e .

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O k a y , s l o w d o w n a n d b r e a t h e .

Y o u r s i t u a t i o n i s v e r y t o x i c .

Y o u ’ r e i n d a n g e r o f e n d i n g u p

b e c o m i g t h e b i t t e r a n d t w i s t e d

e x .

Y o u j u s t w o n t l e t g o o f y o u r

p a r t n e r , s i t u a t i o n s , a r g u m e n t s

a n d i t ' s d r a i n i n g y o u , y o u r f a m i l y

& y o u r f r i e n d s . I f y o u c o n t i n u e

l i k e t h i s , y o u ' l l e n d u p b e i n g

a l o n e f o r e v e r .  

Y o u r a n g e r & b i t t e r n e s s w i l l a g e

y o u p r e m a t u r e l y , d e p r i v e y o u o f

y o u r h a p p i n e s s , y o u r j o y &   a

p o t e n t i a l n e w l o v e . I t w i l l d r i v e

y o u r c h i l d r e n i n s a n e ( i f y o u h a v e

t h e m ) a n d i t w i l l r o b y o u o f a

h a p p y h e a l t h y l i f e .

Y o u h a v e t o d o s o m e t h i n g

i m m e d i a t e l y . D e t o x i n g y o u r s e l f

e m o t i o n a l l y & m e n t a l l y i s

e s s e n t i a l i n o r d e r t o b r i n g y o u r

b o d y a n d s o u l b a c k i n t o b a l a n c e .

I ' M M O S T L YC ' S D ' S

W i t h t h e u t m o s t l o v e a n d

c o m p a s s i o n , y o u ' r e i n w h a t  

w e     t e r m , “ t h e d a n g e r z o n e ” .

I t ’ s v i t a l l y i m p o r t a n t y o u s e e k

p s y c h o t h e r a p e u t i c h e l p t o a d d r e s s

y o u r e m o t i o n a l a n d m e n t a l

w e l l b e i n g .   T h e d i v o r c e d e t o x i s

n o t t h e r i g h t p r o g r a m f o r y o u a t

t h i s t i m e , a s i t ’ s e s s e n t i a l l y a

p r o g r a m w h e r e y o u   n e e d t o b e

e m o t i o n a l l y s t a b l e a n d l o o k a t

y o u r s e l f .

W i t h t h e w a y y o u ’ r e c u r r e n t l y

f e e l i n g , i t ’ s e s s e n t i a l y o u h a v e

i n d i v i d u a l s u p p o r t , p l e a s e r e a c h

o u t a n d c o n t a c t y o u r d o c t o r o r

h e a l t h c a r e p r o f e s s i o n a l . I f y o u ' r e

n o t u s e d t o a s k i n g f o r h e l p , t h e n

p l e a s e t a k e t h i s i m p o r t a n t s t e p

t o w a r d s y o u r o w n h e a l i n g ,

e v e r y o n e n e e d s h e l p a t v a r i o u s

t i m e s i n l i f e , a n d t h i s i s o n e o f

t h e m f o r y o u .  

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P h y s i c a l  

C H E C K L I S T

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What you can do to decrease stress & increase your divorce fitness

Get Moving: Running, walking, dancing, swimming, yoga, zumba, tennis, jogging, golf,

badminton, hiking, roller skating or bike riding.  Whatever takes your fancy,

just take the first step... even when you don't want to, it will help to release

endorphins and the feel good factor which is essential.

EMOTIONS GET STUCK IN THE BODY - when we move our bodies it gives

us the ability to begin to shift negative emotions

Even as little as 10 minutes a day will make a difference TAKE THE FIRST STEP

P H Y S I C A L  HOME SPACE: Have a de-clutter. If your Ex has recently moved out and not taken all

his belongings, then go through the house and box up their things and

place them in a room you don't go in. It's important to take care of

 YOUR SPACE.  

YOU come first now.  

If it's been a while since they moved out, still go through your space and

remove any items that remind you of the relationship, love letters,

photographs, anything that has an EMOTIONAL CHARGE FOR YOU.

Put them in a safe pace, out of sight. 

If appropriate rearrange the furniture and get the energy flowing in

your home.

e m o t i o n a l  

C H E C K L I S T

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Get Mindful  Take the time to be really present during your day. When you're washing the

dishes or loading the dishwasher, do it with a sense of presence

(appreciation is even better). Notice any sounds, sensations, feelings and be

with them.  We spend most of our time avoiding feelings.

Become a compassionate observer of yourself, practicing kindness and

appreciation for your current circumstances.

Notice what comes up for you.

Breathe and let it go.

GRAB A JOURNAL AND WRITE WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU. CLOSE THE PAGE

DON'T RE-READ IT AND DON'T SHARE IT

E M O T I O N A LHOME SPACE:

HEART Focused Breathing™

This is a technique I learned when training as a HeartMath Coach.

When you're feeling stressed. Stop for a moment, keeping your eyes

open, focus your attention on your heart. (It can help to place your hand

on your heart).  Breathe in for the count of 5 slowly,  then breathe out

for the count of 5. Do this three times.

You will bring your heart rate into neutral and into coherence.

DAILY PRACTICE: WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL 5 THINGS YOU'RE

GRATEFUL FOR (focus on them after the heart breath)

s p i r i t u a l l y  

C H E C K L I S T

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GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT  Divorce can have the tendency to suck all the good out of us. We start to

question everything and everyone and our levels of trust and safety can be

severely tested. Yet when we practice kindness, generosity, compassion and

love, we shift into emotional coherence (it's good for the heart) and we feel

happier in ourselves, in the moments during our days and we start to feel

that we can trust life again.

Take time to be generous. Do something for someone else.

Help someone less fortunate than you. 

DO SOMETHING KIND FOR YOURSELF.

SEEK SUPPORT FROM SOMEONE YOU TRUST SOMETIME'S IT DIFFICULT TO SPEAK WITH FAMILY

GET HELP FROM A COACH OR THERAPIST

P H Y S I C A LSTRESS IN DIVORCE INCREASES CORTISOL

To counterbalance this:-

Stop/Reduce: Caffeine, sugars, energy drinks, alcohol, carbs

Increase: Water, fresh veg/fruit. vitamins.

Eat at regular intervals

Increase: Omega 3 Fatty acids, Vitamin C, complex carbs

Get regular sleep (use an app Headspace to help)

DAILY PRACTICE: GET OUT IN THE FRESH AIR, WALK THE DOG

(borrow one) OR JUST GET OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

Q U I C K A C T I O N C H E C K L I S T

THINGS TO STOP DOING :

CYBER STALKING YOUR EX - IT 'S BEST TO DEFRIEND YOUR EX ON

SOCIAL MEDIA , AT LEAST FOR A PERIOD OF TIME UNTIL YOU DONT

HAVE AN EMOTIONAL CHARGE .

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POOR BOUNDARIES - LEARN TO SAY NO WHEN YOU MEAN IT , GET

CLARITY ON WHAT 'S ACCEPTABLE AND WHAT 'S NOT

REFRAIN FROM TELLING YOUR DIVORCE STORY OVER AND OVER

TO FRIENDS /FAMILY - WHEN YOU REPEAT YOUR STORY , YOU KEEP

IMPACTING YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE WHICH KEEPS YOU STUCK

STOP BLAMING EACH OTHER - IT KEEPS YOU IN VICTIM MODE AND

AT THE MERCY OF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES .

STOP  GOING AROUND IN A CRAZY 8 LOOP   -  THIS IS WHEN YOU

START WITH A QUESTION LIKE "WHY ME?" OR "WHAT DID I DO

WRONG?" OR "WHY DID HE CHEAT? - YOU NEVER (EVER ) GET

ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS , THEY KEEP YOU IN SELF DOUBT ,

EMOTIONALLY CRIPPLING YOU . . . RECOGNISE WHEN YOU DO IT &

ASK A BETTER QUESTION - SUCH AS , "WHAT WOULD I LOVE RIGHT

NOW " OR "HOW AM I GIVING MY POWER AWAY IN THIS SITUATION "

one of the best things you

can give yourself now 

find out more here 

Y O U ' R E G I V E N T H I S

L I F E B E C A U S E Y O U ' R E

S T R O N G E N O U G H T O

L I V E I T .

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