CAST OF CHARACTERS 

PATSIE: Owner of restaurantPAUL: PATSIE's husbandJAQUE: Techno-Ghost BusterMONIQUE: Psychic Ghost BusterHOST: Mysterious stranger.

 SCENE 1

 (Lights come up on a small restaurant.There a few tables in the room.A sign says food and spirits.Below that sign is a hand written sign that says, And we don't mean the alcoholic kind.On a daily special board it reads, Boo Bugers, Sance Sandwitch, Boo Berry Pie.The cleaning lady, SAL, is sweeping up.Hears something.Freezes. Looks around nervously. Nothing. She shrugs, shakes her head, and continues to clean.One of the owners, PATSIE, enters nervously and looks around)

 PATSIE

Hello? Any ghosts in here? 

PAUL(Follows PATSIE in)

You can relax, Patsie.The ghost busters are here. 

PATSIEThis isn't funny, Paul. 

PAULPaying money to have these guys come on scare our ghosts is what's funny. 

PATSIEAs long as they get rid of them, that's all I care about. 

(First enter JAQUE.He is in a suit, slicked back hair, and carries some electronic gadgetry.MONIQUE follows.MONIQUE is an older lady that's flamboyantly dressed and looks around at nothings like a cat)

 JAQUE

I'm getting some strong readings here. 

MONIQUE(Rushes to him dramatically)

Let me see.(Looks)

Yes, excellent.Exactly as I expected.THIS is the room.

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 PAUL

Brilliant.We already told her that on the way in. 

PATSIEHush, Paul. 

JAQUE(Waves his gadget around)

The strongest readings are there.(Points to a chair at one of the tables one of the audience members is sitting in)

And there.(Points to the ceiling above that table)

 PATSIE

Oh, my gosh.He's right. 

PAULDid you tell him that? 

PATSIENoThey haven't ever been in this room before. 

MONIQUEPlease tell us more of the history of this room.What do you know already about the ones who inhabit this place? 

PATSIEWe don't know much at all actually. 

PAULWe bought this building a year ago because it was cheap.We've always wanted to start a restaurant, but couldn't afford it. 

PATSIEThe reason this building was so cheap was because people claimed it was haunted. 

PAULI've never believed in that stuff so I thought what the heck. Let's get it. 

PATSIEEveryone around here knew the story of it being haunted so we made a big deal out of it. 

PAULWe decided to call it the Boo Caf.

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 PATSIE

I thought it sounded cute. 

PAULEverything went great for a while.This became a popular little spot to eat. 

PATSIEThen strange things started to happen. 

MONIQUEThings started to disappear? 

PATSIE(Amazed)Yes 

MONIQUEObjects would be in one place, then show up in another. 

PATSIEExactly.How did you know? 

MONIQUEThat's usually how it starts. 

PAULI didn't believe any of it though until that one night. 

MONIQUEThe night you'd never forget. 

PATSIEWe'd closed up that night and went outside to get in the car and go home. We started to drive off but Paul told me to stop. 

PAULI saw a light go on.I immediately thought burglars. 

PATSIEI told Paul we should call the police but he wanted to go in and scare them off himself.He ended up getting scared instead. 

PAULI wouldn't say I was scared. 

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PATSIEI would. 

PAULAnyway, I got out of the car, pulled out the tire iron from the trunk and headed for the door.I froze when I saw 

MONIQUE(Pointing fearfully at ceiling above the table mentioned before)

a body hanging there 

PAUL(Surprised)Yes. 

MONIQUE(Now starting to sob)

And crying crying from that chair. 

PAULyes. 

MONIQUE(Falls into the chair)

Oh, John. John!!! 

PAULIs she okay? 

JAQUEStep back.She picking up a presence.(Holds up gadget)Look at these readings.They're off the chart. 

PATSIEAre you sure this is safe? 

JAQUECompletely.

(Crossing dramatically to MONIQUE)Spirit?

(MONIQUE just sobs)Spirit!Tell me you name! 

MONIQUEOh, John. Why? Why did you do this?

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 JAQUE

John?Who is John? 

MONIQUEI loved John.I loved him so much. 

JAQUEWhat happened? What happened to John? 

MONIQUEI want to die. 

JAQUEPlease, tell me what happened here.We want to help. 

MONIQUEI want to die!

(Runs for a knife on another table) 

PATSIELook out!� She's after the knife. 

JAQUE(Grabs MONIQUE as she grabs the knife)

Spirit!Spirit be gone!(MONIQUE drops the knife and then goes limp)

Get her a chair.(PAUL rushes to get one and sits her in it)

 PATSIE

Is she okay? 

JAQUEWhen a spirit enters and leaves her, it drains her completely. 

MONIQUE(Weakly)Jaque? 

JAQUEYes, Monique? 

MONIQUECheck your meter. 

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JAQUEWhat? 

MONIQUECheck it, quick. 

JAQUEI'm getting another reading.Different this time. 

MONIQUEJohn?John, are you there?

(She pauses)I hear him. 

JAQUEWhat is he saying? 

MONIQUEHe says, he says, my neck hurts so bad. 

JAQUEStrangulation, did he hang himself? 

MONIQUEJohn?Did you hang yourself?Yes? Yes?I see. 

PATSIEWhat did he say? 

MONIQUEHe said that his lover, Sarah, loved another. 

PATSIEBut she sounded like she loved him to me. 

MONIQUEJohn?Do you think it was a mistake?Some kind of misunderstanding?John.Listen to me.John! 

PATSIEWhat's wrong? 

JAQUEWe're losing him. 

MONIQUE

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John?Don't go. Listen to us.You must listen. 

JAQUEHe's still there, barely. 

MONIQUEShe didn't love another.She loved you, John.She loved you bad enough to kill herself when she found you dead, John.It was you she loved.It was you!(She screams and goes limp in the chair) 

JAQUEHe's gone.He's really gone. 

PAULReally gone? 

JAQUEHe's no longer a restless spirit.He has moved on to the afterlife, that's what I mean by really gone. He now knows the truth and that has set him free. 

PATSIEBut what about Sarah? 

JAQUE(Goes to MONIQUE and pats her on the hand)Monique? Can you hear me? 

PATSIEShe looks so weak.Maybe we should push her. 

JAQUEBut we must know! 

PAULPerhaps we should let her rest first. 

MONIQUE(Weakly)Jaque 

JAQUEI'm here, Monique.It's okay now. 

MONIQUESarah is so upset.She didn't understand why John killed himself.She didn't know he thought she was unfaithful.Oh, poor John.Poor Sarah.She was only trying to make him

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jealous so he'd pay more attention to her. There really wasn�t another man. She just wanted John to think that so he'd want her more. 

PATSIEOh, my gosh.That's so sad. 

PAULBut he's gone now.

(Looks around)isn't he? 

JAQUEHe's gone.I'm certain of it.My readings showed a vortex opening that allowed him to pass to the other side. 

PAULWhat about Sarah? 

JAQUEIt's hard to say.I'm still getting some reading, but nothing as strong as before. 

MONIQUEI imagine she may stay for a time.But as soon as she realizes that John is at rest, she will move on too. 

PATSIEIs there anything we can do to speed up the process? 

MONIQUEJust speak to her when you sense her presence.Tell her you understand, let her know you're here for her. 

JAQUEBut I don't think you'll experience anything like that night again. 

PAULThank goodness. 

PATSIE(To MONIQUE)

Are you sure you're okay? 

MONIQUEI could use something to drink. 

JAQUE

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(Trying not to look annoyed)We'll get you something later. 

PATSIEIt's no trouble.I'll just run to the kitchen and get something for you. 

MONIQUEA double mocha latte with whipped cream will be just fine. 

JAQUETo go.

 PAUL

Here, let me help you.We'll be right back.(PAUL and PATSIE exit L) 

JAQUEDouble mocha latte with whipped cream?Could you be any more specific? 

MONIQUEAt least I didn't ask for a martini. 

JAQUEThe first rule of exorcism is get out fast before they ask too many questions.Now we're staying for coffee. 

MONIQUEIt's not ordinary coffee, Jaque.It�s a mocha latte. 

JAQUEWhatever.Just get it and let's get out of here. 

MONIQUEWell, I think that went rather well. 

JAQUE(Smiles)

One of best, I'd say. 

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HOST(Claps.He should look like he appears from a dark corner of the room.JAQUE and MONIQUE are startled)

Brilliant performance.Must say I was almost convinced. 

MONIQUEWhere did you come from? 

HOSTI didn't mean to startle you.You look like you just saw a ghost?

(Laughs) 

JAQUEHow long have you been in here? 

HOSTThe whole time I'd say.I came in for a boo burger, but I didn't realize I'd have a show too. 

MONIQUEThat was no show.We do legitimate work. 

JAQUEYes, we are professionals. 

HOSTProfessional con artists is what I'd say. 

MONIQUEHow dare you. 

HOSTNow don't go get your panties in a bunch, lady.Your act is very convincing. 

JAQUEThis is no act. 

HOSTYes, yes, so you claim.Between your little gadgets and the lady's performance, you have quite a thing going. 

JAQUEI'll have you know that I have put years of research and study into what we do! 

HOSTSure, sure.Can I see your gadget there? 

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JAQUEWhat? 

HOSTCan I see it? 

JAQUEThis is very sensitive equipment.I don't allow anyone to play with it. 

HOST(Trying to get a look at it)

Let me guess.When you say there's a ghost, you turn the flashing lights on and when the ghost starts to come or go you change how often it flashes I'd guess. 

JAQUENow look here, buddy... 

HOSTDon't get violent.Remember, I'd admire your abilities to do this.Not anyone can do what you do. 

MONIQUEIf you think we're frauds, then how did we know that stuff about the chair and ceiling? 

HOSTI'd guess that someone came in here and spied around.One of you interviewed people who come here a lot. I'm sure the owners have told the story a million times to a million people. 

MONIQUEWhy are we even talking to you?Maybe he was sent by Maya Fantasma to discredit us. 

JAQUEOr maybe you were sent by Ghosts and Spirts, Inc.? 

HOSTGAS?No, they're not nearly the pros you guys are. 

JAQUEFirst right thing you've said all night. 

HOSTLet's cut to the chase.I want to hire you. 

MONIQUEYou think we're frauds and you want to hire us?

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 JAQUE

Sorry, we don't work for people who doubt our abilities. 

HOSTI'll pay you fifty thousand dollars! 

MONIQUEFifty thousand? 

HOSTEach. 

JAQUEEach? 

HOSTFor one night's work. 

MONIQUEHow soon do you need us?

(She pulls out a small calendar and pencil) 

HOSTI'll expect you on Friday night at 10 pm.We'll meet right here in this very restaurant.I'll speak to the owners about it. JAQUEWait.We don't do return visits. MONIQUE(Grabs him roughly)We make exception. JAQUESo are you going to supply the ghost?We've already dealt with the current residents. 

HOSTActually you haven't. 

JAQUEWhat do you mean? 

HOSTI happen to know personally that you haven't fully discovered the full depth of the spirits here.

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 MONIQUE

I sense no other presences. 

HOSTI trust that you'll find a way. 

JAQUESo you've seen something else here? 

HOSTYou could say that, yes. 

MONIQUEWhat can you tell us about this experience you've had? HOSTOh, no fair.I want to see what you can figure out on your own. JAQUEBut with nothing to go on? MONIQUE(Grabs him again)We can do it. HOSTThat's what I thought.You're the best.If anyone can handle this, you can. MONIQUEWe aim to please. 

HOSTOh, and they'll be a camera crew there.KBOO out of Albuquerque would like to do a story on you 

JAQUECamera crew.Um, I don't know. 

MONIQUE(Pulls JAQUE aside)

That's free publicity. 

JAQUEThat's a FOX affiliate.They don't want the truth.They just want a cheap thrill. 

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MONIQUEThen that's what we'll give them.We'll be famous.Everyone in New Mexico will want us to come and exorcise their ghosts. 

JAQUEI have a bad feeling about this.Something tells me there's more here than meets the eye. 

MONIQUEHey, I'm the one who's supposed to have the funny feelings. 

JAQUESo do you have any? 

MONIQUENo, I don't.And even if I did, it wouldn't matter.He's offering us fifty thousand dollar each. 

JAQUEBut why would he� 

MONIQUEHe probably wants to find a way to discredit us.We've dealt with these types before.Or maybe he's making some sort of documentary on ghost hunters. It doesn't matter.Worse case scenario, we move someplace else and do our show there.We've done it before and we can do it again. JAQUEOr maybe this can be our last hurrah. I'm getting a little tired of playing ghost buster. MONIQUERetirement?Really? But what will you do with yourself? JAQUEI don't know.I love cars. Maybe I'll go work for a car dealership. MONIQUEA car salesman?How's that any different than this? JAQUELook, tell the guy we'll do it.But keep in mind, if this goes sour on us, I'm done. MONIQUEFine.

(Returns to HOST)We,ll be here. 

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HOSTI,ll be looking forward to it. 

MONIQUEAs will we,�

(Turns to JAQUE.HOST fades back into the darkness).This is so great.I just know this will go well.If we can put on a good show then we'll put GAS, inc. out of business. 

JAQUEThis will either make or break us.That's for sure. 

MONIQUEOh, wait.Let me get his number, Mr. Host? 

JAQUEHe's gone. 

MONIQUEWeird. 

JAQUESpooky is what I say. 

MONIQUECome on.Let's get out of here.We have some planning to do. 

JAQUEI still think something weird is going on.I can just feel it. MONIQUELook, I'm the only one who has funny feelings around here, okay.(JAQUE and MONIQUE exit) HOST(Reappears from darkness)This is going to be fun.(Lights fade to black) 

END OF SCENE 

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