Goals of Parenting (Kagan, 1976)

• Make child feel valued and loved

• Help child develop own views and become autonomous

• Teach child to internalize appropriate behavior standards, to regulate their emotions and to master skills and abilities valued by society

Teaching Children Emotional Regulation (Gottman’s Emotion Coaching)

• Children’s emotions recognized by adult

• Children’s emotions are listened to empathetically, validated and labeled

• Adult teaches child appropriate expression of emotion and help find solutions to problems

Fostering Positive Emotions

• Take the lead

• Saying yes

• Take turns, Strengthen weak links

• Following

• Name with approval

• Support initiative– Encourage independence

– Give responsibility as young as possible

– Empower them to make decisions

• Share pleasant moments

Why Young Children May Misbehave

1) Child lacks knowledge or experience.

2) Child has forgotten the standards.

3) Child has inconsistent standards.

4) Child is physically ill or psychologically incapable of behaving as expected.

Why Older Children May Misbehave

• 5) Child is trying to get Attention.

• 6) Child is trying to gain Power and / or Revenge

• 7) Child is feeling Inadequate – too helpless to improve situation

Disciplining Children

• Defined as “measures that help children to control impulses and internalize appropriate behavior”

• Should begin around age 2

To Spank or Not to Spank?• Research has found those

who were spanked have lower self-esteem, are more aggressive, more likely to be delinquent and be violence in adult intimate relationships

• Often gets immediate results BUT research shows it is an obstacle to internalization (Kids learn not to pull cat’s tail because it’s wrong, but because they could get in trouble)

Social Learning Theory• By observing consequences of other people’s

behavior, we perform same behavior to obtain same consequences

Corporal Punishment and Modeling Aggressive Behavior

• Strassberg Study on Learned Aggressive Behavior– 275 4 to 6 year olds, all SES’s– IV = type of parental discipline in home

(survey)– DV = child’s aggressive behavior on

playground (observation)

Types of Discipline in Strassberg’s study

• 9% of parents used no physical discipline (No Spank Group)

• 72% had used spanking as form of discipline (Spank Group)

• 19% had used spanking and hitting as form of discipline (Spank & Hit Group)

Types of Aggression Observed in Strassberg’s study

• Instrumental Aggression – unintentionally harming another

• Reactive Aggression – intentionally harming another in response to a perceived wrong

• Hostile Aggression – intentionally harming another

Results of Strassberg’s Study• Who used Instrumental

Aggression?– No Spank, Spank,

Spank & Hit Groups equally likely to commit

Results of Strassberg’s Study• Hostile

Aggression– Almost always

committed by Spank & Hit Group

Results of Strassberg’s Study• Reactive Aggression

– Spank Group- Twice as likely to act this way than No Spank

– Spank & Hit Group - 3 times as likely to act this way than No Spank

Internalizing an Aggressive Model

• “It’s ok to use force and threats of force to get what you want.”

Spanking guidelines• Never spank infants or

teenagers

• Never spank when you are angry

• Spank rarely & only as last resort

Behavior Modification• If you want to change behavior, change the

consequences of behavior

• Reinforcement – process that leads to target behavior increase

Positive Reinforcement

Present desirable thing after target behavior

Ex. Give dessert for eating all dinner

Negative Reinforcement

Remove undesirable thing after target behavior

Ex. Take away chores for eating all dinner

Time Out from ReinforcementA temporary period when someone will receive no rewarding consequences

Present undesirable thing after target behavior

(Ex. Give chores for hitting sister)

Positive Punishment

Negative Punishment

Remove desirable thing after target behavior

Ex: Take away toy after hitting sister

Behavior Modification• Shaping - Reinforce successive approximations

to target behavior

Behavior Modification• Fading – Systematically, gradually reduce

value of reinforcer for target behavior (behavior should not decrease)

• Extinction – Abruptly provide no more reinforcers for previously reinforced behavior (behavior should decrease)

Is it wrong to fight in front of your kids?

• No, it’s good for them to see adults resolve conflict successfully and move on.

• But! It is bad for them to witness angry standoffs or prolonged fighting.

Should parents apologize when they make a mistake?

• YES YES YES! Recognize, Apologize, and Reconcile (Dreikurs)

– Children learn no one is perfect– Children learn to learn from mistakes by

watching parents do so

If Spanking is the “only thing that works”

• Use Premack principle to find a reinforcer that will work by watching how children spend free time

• Correctly apply time out

• Be consistent with rules making sure other caregivers are too