Going up in life

8/11/2019 Going up in life

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BEYOND PROFESSIONAL SURVIVAL

The rules of the game in this

ever Changing World

Selected write-ups, original quotes and comments by: PradeeMaheshwari

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Contents:Anger and its character

With Intentions to !rtCreati"it# is a too$ %or s!ccessF$a&ed Co''!nicationFid($e ) soi*ending Re$ationshi+sUn!sed and Un!sa,$e Ad"ice-Being tr!e to his sa$t-

Let go and $et $i"eO%%endedSa$es'en . B!#er Co'+ati,i$it#/i'e 'anage'entFriendshi+0 Disc!ssions0 1!arre$s2ar'ic Ana$#sis in Se$%3!+gradingWhat is '# Identit#4

N!'ero$og# in R/a5ing Notes-O!r ,eha"io!r in +ers+ecti"e-When &e are in error-I DID te$$ #o!6Li"ing &ith Contro$ Frea5s

The write-ups and commentscollected here are purposely chosen

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to help you understand the mental,emotional blocks and habits that areoperative in us in a general sense.

Many of our habits and faculties arestumbling blocks that we do notrecognize easily but otherwiseobvious and as our attitudes are

behind our decisions, we becomethe architect of our ownMisery/Contentment and ase!perience of life has shown,"isillusionment and "istancing in

older age.

We are a product. Our families, society, religious beliefsand practices and finally our professional education andformations hae formed our character. We are a comple!

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mi!ture of many personas, all interconnected oftencomplimentary to each other but often contradictory too."ot surprising because this world is a mi! of manye!tremes and different e!igencies require different

approaches# the successful professional $nows how to playand bring into play the correct mi! of his persona at anygien time, $eeping in mind that our personalities arecomple! and contain many contradictions. %ll of us presena different &face& depending on who we meet.

'equirements to $eep abreast of the times:

One of the most obious characteristics is youthfulness. (onot allow yourself to grow old, you )ust $eep moing. (onot get too comfortable with success and successfulpractices. What wor$s one day may not do so some timelater. *uriosity and openness to new ideas shouldcharacteri+e you, though you may sometimes fail to

capitali+e on what you discoer. eing nerous and restlessis not seen as good traits but these do help you and act asa goad to constantly e!ercise your mind in some way. ournerous energy and driing curiosity will lead you todeelop along seeral lines, ma$ing you a multifaceted,interesting, and consequently popular, person.ou should consciously wor$ on yourself through feedbac$to pro)ect yourself as belieable and understandable toothers, not intimidating or incredible.

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%lthough philosophy is normally coupled with religion, it isnot so.(eeloping an interest in the deeper side of life has longterm happy consequences. ou may be religious or you ma

approach spirituality in a more personal way. Meditationand other consciousness raising techniques may appeal toyou. Philosophy may also be of great interest and you mayuse this $nowledge to put your life e!periences intoperspectie. our attitude should be of wanting to $nowwhat is really going on in this life and actiely see$answers to these $inds of questions.

he world runs on the formula of /0ach other1. ou helpme and 2 help- you and they help us. So your attitude toothers will determine the quality of your life now and inlater years when you will hae to moe on to a differentplane of e!istence while younger people, more in tunewith the day to day street-rules in force become actie in

the immediate field of action.So $eep an eye on yourself. (eelop and pro)ect a personathat is definitely not mercurial, but reliable anddependable. %dd to this a compassionate persona with adeep concern for the welfare of others. e ery nurturingin times of crisis.

2t is not short terms gains but long term ision that you wineed so that all the effort put in to establish yourself,$eeps on paying you for the rest of your life.

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Anger and its character

3 posed by 4aceboo$ friend 5o-5o iger

Who gets cross first6 When two people get angry it is easyto blame the other. Who pic$s up the anger6 Who owns theanger6 (oes another really proo$e the anger6 Or was itthere all along6 (oes it matter6 *an it eer be soled6 Or,does it ta$e one person to )ust wal$ away6 (oes that

diminish the anger6 Where does it go6 What heals it6

My reply

%nger has basically roots in /%mour Propre1 whicheer wa

you loo$ at it 7 when our anity is pric$ed.We create a set of standards for ourseles and thenmeasure the rest of the world with it. %ll those who do nomeet the standards meet with our derision.%nger comes when we feel we hae not been gien our duconsideration, respect and other things li$e being ta$enfor granted or ignored etc.2t is often used as a deliberate tool to show displeasureand force others to fall in line otherwise the threat of ourdispleasure hangs in the air.

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3uite often anger is a camouflage to hide ourembarrassment when we $now we are in the wrong butcannot accept and we use anger and bluster to confuse theissue.

Often we hae underlying hurts and we are loo$ing forreenge and any e!cuse will do.%nger is not good. ut it cannot be allowed to fester eitheso therapists say let it come out but this cures nothing andis a good e!cuse to let it be.2n the professional field when irresponsibility can meanloss of material, means and life, the situation warrants

anger. Specially in a team when a recalcitrant member)eopardises eerything. he captain and leader my hae noother recourse but to show his displeasure in no uncertainterms - ery particularly when he has to shoulder theblame.2n certain groups where legalities do not allow freedom ofaction, such as families, bitterness 8 anger creeps in easil

when some members wish to ta$e adantage of their beingthere to the detriment of others. %gain here they can onlygrin and bear it but e!plosions of anger are logicalconclusions.

%nger by itself cannot be managed. 2t is only when withwisdom we reali+e the impermanence and the relatieimportance or non-importance of things that we startta$ing life with a pinch of salt and our reactions changeand we start loo$ing at anger as beneath us. %nger fi++les

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out slowly from our persona when our amour propre is wayaboe being pric$ed by these petty things.

9 May we have the courage to look into our selves and oulives, realise the need for change and take the first

steps to improve (of course, first admitting, that there

is room for improvement!). We all think in terms of life

and years ut how many of us think in terms of days

" #oing aout our day with a compulsion of achieving a

milestone that we have set for our"selves.

With Intentions to !rt

2 happened to come across first this morning the oldsaying /he road to hell is paed with good intentions& butwith a remar$ added: then where does the road with eilintentions lead to6&ood question.hen on continuing with my reading of the newspaper 2came across the news of the 2ndian (iplomat who has beenaccused of beating his wife. We hae been inundated byhis misdeeds in the media. "obody is as$ing for his side ofthe story. 4inally his side of the story is that she was the

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one who got physical first. She got hurt when he tried toward her off.

%nother recent story is of a guy whose car got brushed by

another. ;e went into a rage and started thrashing theother drier. he other drier tried to drie off to saehimself. he first drier fell and bro$e his rib whichpunctured his heart and $illed him.

Something happens and we go ballistic. %mour-propre, ourneed to be the centre of the constellation, requires that

the other be hurt bac$ and hard. %ll our education andself-control goes into the garbage can. When the spirit hasdecided to hurt, then all circumspection and concern forfuture implications also gets thrown to the winds.

"ow we come to the question of why some people not onlygo out of control but let themseles go out of their senses

too.he first casualty is propriety. We forget the attention weshall draw to ourseles and throw caution to the windsabout eerything. Our only desire at this moment is toattract as many people to let them see how much we haebeen wronged.%ll our normal self-control on what we are doing andsaying and repercussions are lost in our aenging mood. Wabuse and accuse 7 we falsify and lie and want absolutelyto put the other guy on the wrong lame foot.

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and alue of their irtues is inordinately 8disproportionately high.

he person who quoted that trael enlarges the mind and

spirit had a ery serious point. 0ducation that comes frombeing with others from other statuses and cultures hasnothing to beat in terms of education and reelation. 2t isonly luc$y people who get these gifts in life. his is whenwe reali+e, although a little reluctantly, how small,ordinary and often obno!ious we really are in thearrangement of things in this world.

*omment by friend 'ichard Penney'ef: &he person who quoted that trael enlarges themind and spirit had a ery serious point. 0ducationthat comes from being with others from other statuse

and cultures has nothing to beat in terms of educationand reelation. 2t is only luc$y people who get thesegifts in life. his is when we reali+e, although a littlereluctantly, how small, ordinary and often obno!iouswe really are in the arrangement of things in thisworld.&

ou hae brought to our attention a serious problemafflicting the whole world. 0en more since the worldis so tightly connected. ou in 2ndia, me in the >S%and most of this group spread around the world. he

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media sells trouble, brashness, immaturity, and bling.2f one were faorable to the doctrine of ?arma and reincarnation, it would seem that old enemies arecoming bac$ to do battle and the game is to do the

most &personal damage& they can and the hell with thecountry or state or nation the aggressieindiidual


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by Abarbarians1 are running rampant and doing theirbest to gain and stay in power with the nation beingway down in their priorities.%s indiiduals, many of us do some introspection to

aid our growth, but too many only wor$ upon their&image.&'espectfullyB'ichard

9 Weneed to consider the notion of rising aove one$s

self and one$s limitations%lower propensities. &therwisewe shall only unleash devastating acklashes. 'o rise

aove the mundane, we need to focus on our positive

ualities such as tolerance, compassion, aility to ignore,

not meddle, laugh it off, not making everything into an

ego issue etc.

made ad choices* rather would say clever choicesand missed many long term oats. 'hen armed with all

the learning from e+perience, started saying yes only

to the positive vies and consciously refused the rest.

'he ship started righting itself, slowly.

Most of my desires transformed as if y magic.

spirations and goals changed their hues.

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'The great cultural question for me personally is ho to ! not

re"ect religion #an$ that is easy enough to $o% ! &ut ho to

T()*+,)- it. ! +hristopher /itchens.

The answer to the question is: Broaden perspective by

accepting all notions. Fill the mental pot with all the notionyou can gather. Let them cook. You will eventually shift gea

and enter the intuitive world. Then act by the seeing the

connecting links and not by the dogmatic principles that

religion imposes

- verything serves a purpose ut it is wisdom to knowwhen to let go, discard old thoughts and haits and

adopt new measures.

Creati"it# is a too$ %or s!ccess

S!ccess and Creati"it# go hand in hand- /he# &a$5together $i5e +artners in $i%e- Creati"it# is Li%e7s Forcee8+anding itse$% tho!gh #o!- /his is a +ositi"e $i%e3gi"ing

%actor in o!r de"e$o+'ent and gro&th-

Wisdom lies in nurturing this *reatie element in our liesand ma$ing it an essential part of our character. his willpermit us to find solutions to roadbloc$s on the way and

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ma$e eery incident and possibility that crop up in life inta successful step to achieing our goals.he ability to loo$ for the e!traordinary in the ordinary isthe difference that differentiates between a successful

person who is always cheerful and welcomes the ne!tchallenge and others who are always cribbing andcomplaining but doing nothing about what ails them. 2t isall about going around the problems of life and turningthem into opportunities.% creatie "ature sees beauty and possibilities ineerything around him. ut this has to be cultiated by

constant learning and doing. 2f this flame is not fedregularly it can easily die out. 2t has to be inculcated sinceery early days by encouraging the child to e!press himselfully through eery means that you can ma$e aailable tothe child such as drawing, painting, photography, ma$ingthings, helping in the garden 8 $itchen, letting the child/do1. 2nstead of $eeping him safe and protected, we

should ma$e it a point to be there, and /do1 with him#help the child e!perience as many different actiities ande!pose him to the world at large. he onus for this falls onthe shoulders of the parents and teachers.% creatie child would $now when to ma$e lemon if lifedishes him out a lemon. he ability to laugh at lifeAsmishaps is one of the attributes of positie creatiity. %child with this attribute would leae the past quic$lybehind and loo$ for solutions and ways 8 means to achieehis goals by thin$ing at a tangent - focusing on what he

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wants to achiee instead of following a pattern. ;e ma$eshis patterns where none e!ist.

0ducation in different disciplines also helps in /seeing1

possibilities. So it is good to gie the child not only boo$$nowledge but also help to put his $nowledge into practiceand help him learn by e!perience. 4or e!ample in ourtechnology world of today it is best to learn basic physicsand algebra alongside other artistic sub)ects li$e stitchingand embroidery. 2t is important to understand the logicbehind how things wor$ to be able to find solutions later.

hese help the brain to grow and tac$le problems head onCearning to play chess is more important than playingideo games. *hess not only enhances the neuron highwaystructure of the indiidual but also teaches him tostrategise 8 win without arrogance or


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and precisely. his will gie him the upper hand right fromthe beginning as he would $now how to get his point acrosand understand the other person easily. Ma$e your childbilingual. ie him the edge.

Castly gie your child lots of loe and positiereinforcement. ;elp him thin$ and feel that if he triedhard and sincerely enough, he *%". ;e is special and morepotential is hiding in him and waiting for an opportunity tosurface.ie him the gift of the &>'0 to 0!cel and continuouslyimproe himself# happy to be but not satisfied as there is

always room for improement and change.

'his knowingly hurting the people and earth is

something so demoniacally human* makes me wonder

aout all this talk of spiritual emancipation of

humanity. t the other end is the stupidity of themasses that are lapping up everything that is dished

out to them with&/' 0thought0 or study. suppose

we get what we deserve. f we are not going to take

responsiility for our lives and actions, we cannot

e+pect any etter.

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- We mask our insincerity which includes traits like

la1iness, cleverness etc with all acceptale tools

availale " created y humans like laws, customs,unprovale lies and everything else we can use.

W do everything ut take life in our hands and do

something aout it. Moaning 2 complaining is so much

more self"satisfying. 'he other day used this

sentence3 4ot doing is a goal in itself. #iven the limited

numer of years given to us, passing time without effort

is a goal in itself.

F$a&ed Co''!nication

Remarks on this quote: The single biggest problem incommunication is the illusion that it has taken place.

~George Bernard Shaw

What ernard Shaw is saying is that quite often and 2would say from my own e!perience - that it is more oftenthan not- we &hin$& that we hae done a good )ob ofcommunicating our thoughts to another but this is reallynot so.

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2 am in mar$eting and the prospectus 2 ma$e for productssometime gies quite the opposite reactions to thoseintended. %nd this is in writing where the person has theoption to read and read and confirm to himself what is

written.2n life most of our communications are through tal$ing.he words come and go in a fast stream. Our minds maynot be fully focused on what the other person is saying# infact it rarely is. Most people are reacting to some of thewords heard and already thin$ing of the reply rather than

listen to the other fully - then gie oneself time toassimilate.

he whole process is faulty by its ery nature. hen oncethe thing has been said, the moment is gone and ourmemory may interpret the words we hae )ust heard inumpteen ways and create a message that was neerintended. his is how gossip and rumor wor$s.

;ow many people hae minds wor$ing precisely with focusand pin-point sharpness6 Most of our lies that we lie arebasically an illusion in this sense - not only ourcommunication.

What we hear, see, feel, smell..... all these faculties are

sending inputs which are interpreted by our minds which ialways under the influence of our subconscious and wenormally end up interpreting all inputs in ery Ee!tremelyFsub)ectie ways - rarely in its GHHI purity.

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Jery few people really eer get the opportunity to getdirectly affected feedbac$ in their lies. hey spea$ anddo and life bumbles along. Jery few people eenunderstand or are aware of this point that Shaw has

raised. heir language abilities are limited and are totallynot geared to coney thoughts correctly and precisely.hen they rarely ma$e any effort to improe upon theirabilities because they are neer aware of their faulty linesof communication. E0en if they realise it, they wouldrather e!pend their energies in proing themseles right oarguing so that they do not hae to grapple with realityF

Ceae alone all these points, the ery fact there arespecial course for languages, speech and properlydelieries etc goes to show that there is a lac$ of thesefaculties in most of us and there is need and space forimproement in all of us.

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9 Wemay e+plain it away in whatever way we want ut

words penetrate deep into our psyche and have a deep

effect of such impact that they can often direct our

lives. 5roken ones always mend sooner or later. 5ut theeffect of words keep on and on in changes that they

ring aout. Most words though we know at heart e it

of praise or insult, are false and insincere at the core

ut we do let them influence us.

Fid($e ) soi Foc!sed on one7s o&n se$%;

%m noticing more and more the tendency to be /4idKle Lsoi-meme& Eotally focused on oneAs own needsF. Whenthey need us, they are friends otherwise they hae GHHG

things and cannot do anything for you. 0en when you goto them nothing you say registers. 2 notice this highly insmall businessmen. hey are so busy with their continuouspreoccupations that from their side they ma$e no effort tocall bac$ or render serice but payment in full is e!pectedhey forget that if we are )ust another client for themthen they are for us )ust another shop$eeper. his can be

e!plained away certainly as their need to support theirlielihood but when they claim to be friends it ran$les.ut this is now seeping into personal friendships too.

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2n 2ndia it has so far as to start a custom where people gie&missed calls& and then e!pect you to call bac$. he selfcenteredness and the attitude that if you need me 2 amhere and the world e!ists for me is astounding. hey

beliee honestly that it is our )ob to protect and loo$ aftethem.hey will come and go as they please. Wor$ers go offleaing things half done without informing, friends do notcome as promised, goods are not deliered etc etc. 2t isyour )ob to pursue them and then when it does not suitthem they do not een pic$ up the phone. he new mobile

serice allows them to see who is calling and we normallytric$ them by calling from another phone.2t is a total mystery how that wonderful intelligent andactie )elly between their ears is so actie when they arespea$ing but turns to a bloc$ of wood when they aresupposed to be listening.ut then when they need us, it is always urgent and they

use all their selfish unhidable guile to get first hearing andattention. 2f you need their friendship you go alongotherwise they will drop you with a huff.2 thin$ humanity is still at the stage where yo$es areneeded. hey operate best under pressure. oodness ismisplaced with them. *onsiderations are seen aswea$nesses. % nice round baton and threats of disastersare the only motiating factors. Otherwise, if you cannotma$e them fear you, their mini arrogance module andapps will merrily mess up your life,

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When confronted, they gie such imaginatie rationales 8e!planations that you can either die laughing or crushthem into a hole under your feet.

9 2find this even in our land of 6oga and so calledspirituality, that we pay lip service to a lot of words,

often confusedly with great sounding e+pressions. 'he

need is to first look at our own five fingers " what is

going on within us at the level that we are. 'hings like

pre7udices, anger triggers, hidden desires etc " that is,

if we are sincere. f these first steps are not eingtaken, the rest is all a sham* eing put up for the

neighors or create an organisation to collect adherents

and make money.

- 8recarious, life may e, ut are we ready for anything

else s there anything else

feel life has always een fine. t is we who want to ru

it the wrong way. When we are scratched, we howl in

disdain.9omething like 'rain ran over car at crossing0 " how

could the train e responsile t runs on preordained

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tracks. t is the rest of the world that throws itself in

its path!!!

*ending Re$ationshi+s

% discussion began on the art of mending relationships. ubeing the cynical guy that 2 am, 2 was not coninced on thealidity of the sub)ect matter chosen for the discussion.4or as crystally clear it can be, the first question is whydid things in the relationship come to the impasse wherethey needed to be mended at all# secondly 2 am prone toas$ rather insensitiely if there was a relationship at all

and if you are not better off without the relationshiphanging around your nec$.;umans are ery imperfect and that is putting it $indly. Ware a mi!ed up lot. %t any gien time so many factors are)ostling for space in our considerations that if Martianswere peeping at us, they would say we are awfullyconfused and inconsistent een at the best of times.

2t will be called improper but it has to be said that we areopportunists. 4ind me one earthling who will squarely denthat he was neer tic$led pin$ by the slips and misfortunes

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of others# what a sense of superiority it gies and in caseof mishaps it is free slapstic$ comedy. We loe to hae ahearty guffaw at the e!pense. % certain leel ofinsensitiity is often shown openly which can mar

relationships. 2f we reign in our propensities to insult,spew enom and laugh at others it is because we $nowthat it could turn out to be e!tremely in)urious to our welbeing. ut when safe we do let ourseles go. 2t is anothermatter the recipient of our amusement may be hurt to thepoint of retaliation# quite a lot of people do.

Well whateer the reason# inadertently or willfully ifsome drama was enacted that resulted in a relationship tobe torn asunder then the first question to be as$ed is whathappened. 2f it was a planned moe to brea$ therelationship then there is nothing e!cept good riddance tobe said. 2f the instance was some of sort of accident thenthere is only one thing to do. 3uic$ly apologise and rectify

matters# i% the other +er'its #o!. here is no reason onearth to conince a battered ego that it may hae been anaccident. hen one must face the fact that accident ornot, the loss of prestige was real and humans don=t forgieso readily.

hen 2 hae a special iew of my own. 2t is my contentionthat we are out to grab from each other the most we can.Mostly, personally spea$ing, it has only brought metribulations. Why not let a bro$en relationship be6 a$e itas a sign from proidence. (o we really need too many

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relationships6 My own bent is towards a highly selectiechoosing of friends and let the other contacts slip intoobliion. he logic is simple. 2f they need me they willcome to me. 2f 2 need them 2 will go to them. 'arely

anyone wishes to continue with a relationship that has nobenefit in it. (rifting apart is a natural law.

2 een go to the e!tent of brea$ing willfully certainrelationships that hae been giing me a cric$ in the nec$.2 hae often e!acerbated an issue that effectiely closed

aenues for reconstructing the relationship. Often eenwhen the other party tries hard to come oer with a newgambit to start all oer again, 2 )ust play deaf and dumb.here is enough precedence in life to support thisattitude. here has to be some reason behind the sayings 7ood fences ma$e good neighbors - reat eery man as agentleman until he proes himself otherwise. 7 %bsence

ma$es the heart grow fonder. 7 % sna$e is better left in thebush etc etc. 'elationships $ept for formality=s sa$e onlygie irritating rashes.

0ery relationship dropped gies few more $ilos of peaceof mind. 2 put all my energies in supporting and nurturingmy relationships that are happy ones.

"eighbors are the worst offenders. 2n the name ofneighborhood-brotherhood, they impose, intrude and trymore often than not to get more than what politeness may

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deem right. 2 remember when we had moed in to thisneighborhood, a carpenter was wor$ing with us. 2n myabsence a neighbor came and too$ him away for fi!ing hiscurtain rod. "ot only no permission was ta$en but he did

not pay the guy for his serices# later on he tells me thathe was sure 2 would not mind. ;ow selfishly presumptuous

Other incidences followed. 0entually 2 decided to tic$them off at the first opportunity which arried soonenough. hey were clearly annoyed, told me in no clearterms that 2 should not consider myself ery hoighty

toighty and if 2 will be belligerent they will answer bybeing tenfold. 2 $ept my cool and 2 told the old guy that hewas my elder and he should behae that way. ;e $ept onranting his tune in his wild tone while 2 $ept on repeatingthe same sentence - &ou are my elder. Please behae thatway.& %fter about the seenth time he relented andwal$ed off. Cater he tried to become friendly again but 2

refused to accept his greetings and neer responded to anoerture. hings are now cool and contented between us.

here is a definite case of not fighting against reality anddestiny. Ma$e the effort to $eep good relations but if theybrea$ neertheless then let them slip into their naturalequilibrium.

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Why do people want to tell so much and solve our

prolems for us 'his is the :. t is so easy to

speak ut so difficult to understand that everything

in us, including our memories and aspirations aredeeply what makes us /9. 'he most we can do and

that we should do is listen and let people find their

own answers. &ur 7o if any is to act as a sounding

oard.

- 'ourismis a change of place without change of pace.

'ravel has change written into it. When we see the

reactions of other people in other cultures with

different priorities, our own pre7udices are shattered.

5y force of circumstance we have to adapt to new

situations and change is inevitale in us and our make"upUn!sed and Un!sa,$e Ad"ice-

;' units and rainers are tumbling upon each other anddoing great wor$ to gie yeoman=s adice to people so thathey can improe themseles, e!ecute their )obs better

and fit in the wor$ing enironment with success. 2 feelmost of it goes down with no one and achiees ery little.0specially all the writings and short adice columns onesees in )ournals of all description. 2t is all a lot of uselesseffort with the adice sounding good on the printed pages

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but rarely achieing anything# mainly because thetheoretical aspect is related by the readers with the factswith difficulty if at all. hen if the reader has not hadsome e!perience to bac$ up his reading he would neer

understand the releance of the topic at all because hewould not be able to correlate the two.

2 hae today pic$ed up some gems from a )ournal wherethe writer is trying to help his readers to enhance theirpotential. 0ery word he says is right but useless too.

See what a brainy young man, who has )ust )oined thewor$force, has to say:

*OMM>"2*%0 W0CC.Well what ma$es you say 2 do not communicate well tobegin with6 2n school and college 2 used to een beappreciated for my language and clarity of

communication. 2 was winning debates. 2 am eryconfident that my language is good and my grammarcorrect. 0eryone 2 $now in my family and friends said so.What more is needed6 hen you say /e persuasie1.What do you mean6 %m 2 not good at getting things done6Jery few people refuse me what 2 want. 2 hae a string ofhappy clients to proe it. ou say# ry and adopt effectiecommunication s$ills. Whateer are they and hae 2 note!plained my point already6

;2"? ;'00 S0PS %;0%(.

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(o you thin$ 2 am a seer6 ;ow do 2 see ahead6 0erythingin life is a team effort and most people )ust don=t put intheir GHHI. 2f things are not turning out well, am 2 solely tblame6 O$ 2 $now that 2 must ta$e this into calculations

but that 2 already do. hat is: as much as 2 $now about thegame. hen, where is the problem6 %nd if you feel 2 do notcalculate the e!igencies well then let me as$ you, haeyou taught us what is what in this game6

?00P 2 S2MPC0 %"( S;O'.;ae you tried the technique yourself6 What interest do 2

hae in tal$ing on and on to e!plain my point6 We are allat wor$, doing our )obs. he others are supposed to $nowwhat they are doing and they are equally responsible. heproblem is that they neer do. hey $now that after all itis my baby and the a!e will not fall on their heads. ell meof one person who would $now how to get an ounce ofseriousness into these guys. 0en after crossing the s for

them, they go and do the ery thing they were told toguard against. 2 assume you hae neer tried to sellanything with a sales target quota dangling on your head6

S% 2" ;2; SP2'2S4ran$ly 2 miss the point entirely. With all these untrainedlumber loaders around my nec$ putting spo$e in mywheels at eery stage of life it is easy to say. here is asaying: he adisors don=t hae to pay for it. 4irst 2 amneeded to delegate, then superise and finally end upredoing it all by myself again. %t wor$ it is a madhouse

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and home is no place to rela! and you as$ me to stay inhigh spirits. ;ae you eer wor$ed in a team which wasnot of your choosing# where you hae all the responsibilitybut no authority6

%(OP % 4'0S; %PP'O%*;.Shall 2 fire the team and get a new one6 *hange my )ob6Or do you mean 2 am incompetent6 2f 2 were not certain ofmy methods would 2 be following them6 Why would anyonethin$ this is purposeful adice6 Where were these teacherwhen we were at school and they were appointed for

shaping us for life6 hese people who now want us tochange are the ones who taught us earlier or of the sameil$. hen they would not hear a word we had to say.(iscussions were discouraged and insistence was ta$en asargument and opposition. "ow when we hae beencertified as ready for managing our lies and the affairs ofmen, we are told to forget our old self and recreate into

another image. 4or them it is mere words but hae theytried to improe themseles6

>2C( % 0%M2 $new you would be coming to this eentually. ;ow muchchoice do 2 hae in life6 (id 2 choose my parents, family,friends, schools, teachers then what ma$es you thin$ 2hae any choice about the boss or the team 2 hae6 2t is soeasy to string a few words that mean nothing. 2t onlyshows that you hae read a few boo$s and become a

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trainer but with little e!perience of life. et your nose tothe grinding wheel and let=s meet again in a few years.

%nd so on and so forth.2 hae yet to meet a person who would listen and admitthat he has room for improement. 5ust to impress theboss and the entourage they may often ma$e a show ofhumility by saying yes they hae faults with a lot of roomfor improement. ut it is all a sham. hey $now whatthey are. hey are quite impressed by their seles. he

world li$es to find fault and critici+e. hat is the way ofthe world and best forgotten or ignored for the good oftheir mental health.What sounds good and irtuous is left best alone aswonderful words on paper that will go nowhere and ta$enobody anywhere.

ood day.

9 4inally, all said and done it is your call and destiny. 'he

most natural thing to you is what you will do and the

most natural thing to the other person is what he will do

5oth will learn 2 grow in everyway from the episodesthat are cooked up. We are all interconnected and are

supposed to e holding hands when we collaorate.

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-

ndians, specially in the north of ndia have mastered

the art of accusative conversations. 'hey conveniently

keep on accusing the other person so that the spot;lightremains focused away and nothing can ever e pointed at

them.


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Coyalty and ;onesty are words that are getting rathermauled up in the present age. Whateer happened to theestablished norms of loyalty and undiluted honestybecause one had parta$en /salt1 from parents, families,

friends and employers6 Once we had ta$en the gift ofsharing their /salt1 we were bound to repay in $ind# theelders gae us protection and the younger ones by serice

;ow principles, attitudes 8 mentality hae changed. Myyounger brother who is not blood related, but 2 hae beenadopted as an elder brother so the tie is as strong, is a

gold smith. ;e was doing ery well but today, twenty yearon, he has closed down his wor$shop. Why6 ecause thewor$ers tend to run away with the material gien to themfor e!ecuting orders# H years ago this happened once in ablue moon, now it is rare to find a wor$er who would mostprobably not do it.

2 feel that too much is being gien too fast to people whohae not been adequately /character-wise1 formed toreceie the bounties. We hae unleashed motorcycles andcars on the roads. Other facilities li$e mobile phones etcshould hae gien mobility and communication ease to all.2t has. "ow the thiees and scoundrels are haing a fieldday. Many who would hae been otherwise too afraid to doanything but be decent citi+ens are now inspired by thegangsterism they see around them are ta$ing it on as aprofession. 0en decent citi+ens let themseles go as youcan see in road rage cases.

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2n contrast my mother tells me of a story from herchildhood. he accountant who was responsible forcollecting ta!es used to go about alone in the horse buggy

with another man. One eening it was getting late and theaccountant was getting )ittery as they would hae to passthrough a lonely stretch which was $nown for its dacoits.;e $ept on telling the drier to hurry and go faster but theother guy was )ust not paying heed. he poor accountantbecame certain that his time had come and he wouldsuffer for eer in purgatory for letting his master down.

'ight in the middle of nowhere the buggy came to a stop.he accountant hollered to his companion that he wasbeing untrue to his salt and what a mean fate has broughtthem together. he other guy )ust got down, gae a shoutor two and soon there were men surrounding them. heaccountant was sha$ing li$e a )elly. uess what the drierdid6 ;e as$ed two of the men to accompany them to the

town as there was a huge amount of cash to be protected@;e was a member of this group of thiees. %nd they allreached home safely.

%nother story my mother relates is about a raid by dacoitsat her sister=s in-laws. he youngest child bride cameweeping to the chief of the dacoits imploring him />ncle,please do not ta$e my things. My mother in law will $illme1. ;is response was/Well now that you hae called me uncle 2 am duty boundto protect you. (on=t worry1. ;e then told his lieutenants

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to leae anything belonging to this child bride alone andwhile leaing admonished the mother in law 7 /2f, een ahair of this girl is eer harmed, 2 shall come bac$ andsettle scores@1

his was what it meant to be true to his salt and one=sown.

9 >rom a friend on >5 Misty ndromeda 5leu

have a uestion. have ?,@AA people on my list.

Why...are the ma7ority of us single

8< " 'he give and take of life reuires merging with

others, specially to form a 0couple0. &ur sense of

independence that has een inculcated in todayBs way of

seeing things, makes us rather self"centered and lessthan tolerant.

We want freedom to pursue our pleasures, we seek only

fulfillment of our pleasure "seeking* how can anyone else

fit into the scheme of thingst is really not needed to

marry in todayBs life.

'he small comforts of married life are all availale for apenny.

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'he washing machine, vacuum cleaner, mi+er grinder,

fro1en meals and the microwave has helped in making

partnership not so invaluale

Let go and $et $i"e

his sub)ect $eeps popping up eery now and then. ;owparents maintain control and run 8 ruin the lies of theirchildren till /(eath doth them part1 is a perennial sourceof many miseries. ou won=t need a magnifying lens orlantern to find people who practice strict hold on thepsyche on their children and for that matter anywherethey can at home or wor$. 2 see this attitude so fairly

common that 2 decided to put down some of theconersations 2 hae had for all to note.

;ere is one of the conersations:

Dear P! " learnt a lot b# #our remark $ %don&t tr# toteach the world%.

'ne o( m# close relati)e has been into alcoholism (orthe last *+ #ears! his wi(e and children ha)e le(t himages back! and he sta#s with his mother.

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Both o( them share a )er# close bond and in spite o(him being in the habit o( abusing his mother...e)en atsuch an old age! separation does not seem a )iable

solution! nothing seems to work....can #ou suggest an#wa# out,

My response:" don-t think an#thing will work now.e has decided that he will (ore)er be a bab#. is

mother is promoting it.These are cases in which mothers are responsible (orthe low esteem and childishness promoted right (romthe da# one is born.Generall# speaking! the miser# he will go through whenhis mother is not there is /ust (rightening.0ou will ha)e to let destin# pla# its part. 1n#one who

inter(eres will onl# burn his (ingers.

Mothers can be ery possessie, fathers ery domineeringand bosses dictatorial. ;umans find it ery difficult to letgo. he misery that entails is rarely understood by thoseperpetrating it. he ery psyche of the child is pummeled

into a blob of )elly. he indigestible truth is that theinfluences of these parents goes on and on into manycoming generations as their children perpetuate the sametendencies.

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;ere 2 gie the essential e!tracts from anotherconersation:

3uestion:*onsidering history and eents that man$ind chooses towrite


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in many different ways. 's the child grows older it learnsto protect itself and then it absorbs behavior patternsfrom his immediate surrounding and learns to do thingsthe way it sees others doing it. (ntil the child is also

shown and taught that kindness can bring in more rewardsthan brute sadistic action the child will never knowbetter. It is all a matter of exposure and examples set bypeers.

The hold of the subconscious is very strong and most ofthe time it is )uietly * surreptiously running the show.

That is why we need to be careful with what childrenmight be absorbing. We should be kind and loving parentseven indulgent ones but firm.(nfortunately in real life the opposite is more apparent.

+ritici,ing instead of softly correcting scolding-beatingand doing the thinking for the child instead of letting him

discover and play" thereby preempting him at every pointare the worst things that leave indelible marks and formhis adult nature. xperiences from the time the child isborn get stacked up in the subconscious and influence hispersona forever afterwards. It is a chain reaction ofhabits and tendencies that goes on and on fromgenerations to generations.

4irst we do not permit the child to flower# clipping hiswings at eery step. hen we wea$en him emotionally byacting as crutches and then we complain that our children

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are no good, irresponsible and spineless# we een wonderif eer they will grow up. 4irst we stunt their personalitiesand then as$ them to go and ma$e a mar$ in the world 7and that too in our image. ;ow myopic can one get6

2t has been my contention that we should learn to let goafter the age of NH and after H the letting go should betotal# easier said than done though. "ot only let go buteen withdraw from controlling interests# continuing tolie fully at the personal leel but ready for the transitionthat has to come eentually sooner or later.

2 hae seen many marriages ruined or bro$en, manypromising careers spoilt, many disturbed $ids - all becauseof the interfering 8 meddling from parents# many familyowned businesses that go bust because the old man at thehelm would not ma$e the changes with the times and thene!t generation was neer groomed properly to ta$e oer.

2t is so sad to see people who hae had their day clingingto eery estige of their younger self, their positions andpossessions# an!ious and sleepless as to what will happenafter them.

he graeyard is full of people who thought of themselesas indispensable.

What shall we call this6 he human comedy or humantragedy@

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- 'heformative years puts in a lot of data in the su

consciousness of a child. 'he first two years aree+tremely important. 'hen the ne+t C years and after

that the years efore puerty sets in. What images hav

een imied y the child is what is going to come out in

his adult ehavior.

&nce he has reached an age when the mind and the

child$s ego are in play, too much interference can have

very opposite effects.

f your adult child is ehaving in a particular way, you

must first admit that you are responsile to the tune of

DAE and his immediate family and the 'F, and the schoo

etc the rest.t would e well to look inward and see what was done

wrong and correct the emotional wrongs that the child is

reacting to.

#iving the child a talking to and trying to regulate him is

pointless. Whatever you do, do not mess with his ego.

Many parents do not lay out oundaries and do notdiscuss matters with their children when they are still in

the listening age. Gater on it ecomes more difficult.

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/nruly ehavior is generally associated with a lack of

onding with the home.

/nruly ehavior is normally a cry for help.

We have to help and keep the door open ut the methodhas to e laced heavily with compassionate outreach.

little study of psychology and parales%9ufi stories

etc help in understanding how to react and respond.

>or e+ample, when my child does something eyond her

understanding, and which is considered not 0#ood orcorrect0, no point in criticising and pointing the faults.

'his results in immediate arguments (one of the est

ways to ofuscate an issue). 'his escalates into a

shouting match.

My method in the same case is to first ask the child to

stop whatever she is doing, second ask her to come and

e+plain what she is doing " without raising my voice at

any time, then give her clear cut instructions of what is

to e done and what is not acceptale and GF it at

that. ack off and let the child show responsiility into

the future. f later something is repeated, 7ust repeatmy show again. ventually the point will register and

goodwill will win.

9houting matches can only result in gradual alienation

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and putting her into a hait that will e seen y the

world as a 0shrew0.

child will asor and imitate the elders that the child

respects. We must use this faculty to form theirnature%character.

f in our ehavior our own agendas are showing all the

time, this is self"centeredness and it will e asored y

the child which will later e impossile to deal with.

O%%ended

his quote popped out t me li$e a shot. %nd it put intobeautiful words something that 2 was trying to understand

0erything became clear in a flash. 0dward ' Murrow saysOur self-importance requires that we spend most of ourlies offended by someone.

2f this is the case, then it is to be rightly concluded thatfinding faults all around us also becomes a necessity.

hat doesn=t leae much doubt does it6 his is how 2 haebeen feeling and interpreting my e!perience as# here issomebody who not only agrees with me but he has put thesame into such lucid words. 2 can see my entiree!periences reflected in this one sentence. he irony in

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this obseration is that no one will agree that they arebeing difficult )ust to proe that they are also somebody.4rom an e!terior angle most behaiors 8 utterances caneasily be interpreted in many different hues. 2s there a

deciding parameter to )ustify who is being difficult andwho is being critical, diffident or nice6 "o and there is nopoint going to into it.

he truth is always way aboe and out of the realm ofarguments. 2f a state of argument e!ists then the firstprinciple that it is not the truth is already at wor$. 2t is

bullying in the most gentlemanly manner.

Still one thing can be said without much margin of error ininterpretation that people do use a nose-up in the air styleand $eep others in perennial state of terror as to whatbarb is coming ne!t. hey are cleer enough to translateeery question or remar$ of yours into a perceied insult

and then use it to pour inecties down on you# with a fullbag of righteous )ustification for it.

he trait of accusing and $eeping a front of being offendedis ery common in the 2ndian character. ut 2 can safely saeen though it is generally the rule as all are in the sameboat nobody has recogni+ed it for the nagging negatiity itbrings into our way of thin$ing 8 behaior. Withoutreali+ing it we are all unhappy, a little disturbed andirritated at any gien times. ;ow did this trait become sodominant in our ethos, 2 wonder6

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# $eshould definitely share our e+perience and any

other stories%logic that we have to help others see " if

they would even let us come near them enough.5ut am also convinced that we should not interfere

with the lives of others.

veryone is following and evolutionary path and

eventually they will see too, sooner or later. Most can

see ut their own priorities are too heavy on theirselfish personas.

We are all interconnected and are supposed to e

holding hands when we collaorate. &therwise the lives

and troules of others are not ours. 5y acting as

crutches we weaken others. Get hem fight their attles

is my view of life. Help if you can and if you have thewisdom to see the outcome.

Sa$es'en . B!#er Co'+ati,i$it#

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2t is not easy for the sales people to isuali+e orunderstand the needs of the buyer or the way the buyerthin$s. Most often they miss the cues# mainly because ofthe difference in bac$-grounds, tastes and habits. *an the

salesman coming from ordinary middle class enironmentunderstand what it is to lie without worrying aboutmoney, liing in space as big as the school he studied in or$now the lu!ury of being sered etc6

2 hae obsered that there are at least fie distinct leelsin human interactions# be it professional or personal. %ll

these leels hae ery separate styles of behaior codes,language abilities, dress codes, philosophies and attitudes%spiring professionals who are aiming to rise and changeleels or wish to interact with people of leels differentfrom their own, need to understand these factors andchange their disposition accordingly to be acceptedotherwise they will miss opportunities and neer be equal

to the peer group. 2n todayAs enironment where we areinteracting with people from different cultures, thissub)ect has ta$en on a ery important facet.

2f you hae not ta$en this factor into consideration foryour plans of your adancement or een businessoperation, then you will face critical hurdles to reach yourgoals. o be brutally honest, you may miss out totally.

Jery few indiiduals would be ready to accept that it istheir own behaior patterns that are clashing with others

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and if they are failing to ma$e the grade, it is perhapstheir own fault.

he situation begins li$e this: We are brought up in a

particular group and we learn eerything from this groupwith rarely any e!posure outside this group. Cater as afinal product we hae learnt only the habits of our owngroup and are highly $nowledgeable and mobile with acertain amount of command within this well $nownstructure of our group.

he big question is how to $now and learn about othergroups and what is li$ed and disli$ed. ou hae only twopossibilities. 0ither you are born and brought up within thegroup you aspire to be in or you get into this group as a)unior and soon, as fast as you can, learn the patterns ofthe group. Cuc$ can play a big part if by some quir$ of fateyou can get within your intended group een at the

periphery, the )ob becomes considerably easier. Watchingparticular moies can help if you ta$e them as audio-isuaeducation.

Cet me gie some instances.One dead gie away to our social status is our languageand how we delier our speech. Properly schooled peopleare trained ery early to enunciate clearly, delier theirspeech slowly, spea$ softly, let others finish theirsentences, listen and en)oin in conersation only ifnecessary and other such fine points. 2n contrast, we hae

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those who mumble, spea$ fast, loudly and use a dialectwhich is particular to their own set and see nothing wrongin cutting people off. his may be unacceptable to many.

ou would hae certainly noticed how many of us tend tointerrupt others# for instance you are tal$ing to yourmanager and another e!ecutie comes and starts spea$ingto him as if you were not there. %nd often worse, themanager listens to him. his happens so often in shops andpublic places that 2 wonder what happened to the basicetiquette of allowing the other to hae his say. % moment=

wait won=t be the end of the world. "ow this behaiormaybe normal in the eeryday scheme of things, but at thsenior leel it will offend.

(ressing is another feature which needs to be attended toOne has to understand the difference between leisurewear and official attire, public dress and homely attire

etc. he tastes of people and their cultural bends areeasily shown by their choice of colors and cuts. Mostpeople would say today that they do not care and theyhae their lies and will lie the way want to. his is fineby me. Only the point here we are ma$ing is that it cannotbe so when you are entering a group on which yourlielihood or networ$ing depends.

he solution to this enigma is that you find a sincereteacher who will point out the flaws in your mannerismsand e!plain to you the fine points of interaction

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meaningfully directed to you personally, preferably inpriate. oo$s and lectures may open your eyes but theyrarely help you change your long ingrained habits. hisneeds persistent hammering and you will need will power

and courage to stand up to it.

0en after many years of training and e!perience manypeople neer learn to control certain habits and


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Megha Pushpendrasir0 &o!$d $o"e to ha"e #o!r "ie&s onti'e 'anage'ent-

here you hae pressed the right buttons. ;ere 2 go. he

first thing that comes to mind is this: *an time bemanaged6When you say time management, 2 would thin$ that youwould li$e to control it li$e you do a rier by eitherdamming it or dredging or cleaning or whateer that wecan do to it to ma$e it wor$ for you. 2t neer occurred tome that this could be done with time. 2 thought about this

for some time and 2 still don=t get it.

Perhaps what you wish to say is /;ow can you manageyourself61 considering the time at your disposal. hiswould seem the more logical approach and the only one 2can thin$ of. "ow if this is what you mean, then 2wondered why as$ me# not that 2 am aerse to the idea. 2t

is flattering to $now that somebody cares about mythoughts enough to as$ me. Millions of words by so callede!perts are being written and floating around and you stillfeel 2 may hae something to say that would matter6 ;owrefreshing@

So let=s discuss this in all seriousness. ime cannot bemanaged. %ll those who complain that they do not haetime $now fully well that they are showing off their self-importance. his is one way of showing that they haemore of this world in their grasp in comparison to all the

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others who form a ery large group on this planet whohae nothing to do and are either loo$ing for wor$ andopportunity or are not /cleer


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action plan. 2f you are not ready to loo$ into thatdirection, then )ust forget it. 0n)oy your N hours and getup ne!t morning for another day of the same. % smalle!ample here would ma$e my words clearer.

ou are reading a boo$. ou are engrossed in it. 2t is sointeresting that it has you transfi!ed# once in while you doremember to loo$ at the cloc$. he hubby will comehome, the children will want dinner. O$. O$. ou areaware of all this. ut few pages more 7 let= say let=s finishthis paragraph well 2 could safely stretch it to the end of

the chapter and so on so forth till you hae royally messedup your time-table. So that is that and there is no way torecoer lost ground. %ll you can do is forget it and go onwith your life. 5ust order a pi++a and hae a party. he$ids will loe it. he hubby will )ust be happy to hae abite of something-anything, instead of trying to $eepawa$e with coffee. he boo$ has more management

control, oer you than you on it. ou were party to it.Where is the problem6

So what do you say6 Shall we forget this utterly pointlesssub)ect6

- Iertain concepts are good only for starting arguments

and wars. 'hese are dangerous thoughts and the genera

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2 hae a friend of nearly forty years standing who has oneof the finest brains, sharp and analytical. ;e can seethrough a problem and situation. With this he has agenerous disposition and the result is that we hae neer

had a single instance of oices being raised or anydisagreement being oiced. ;ow did we achiee that6 NHyears without eer getting upset, angry or in anintellectual argument 7 can you beliee that6

On the other hand there are people, close to me and wecan be assured that a conersation with them will swiftly

degenerate into an irritable football match. "ow 2 amusing in these e!amples, myself as the central figure sothat we hae a common factor. 2n both the aboe cases 2am the other guy# so the fault cannot be fully in me and ifit is not with the other person how does it come about thawe end up arguing or


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2 am not immune to losing my temper or getting irritated.2t is the frequency with which it gets out of hand withsome people and neer with others that is the question. So2 sat down to ponder oer this big question. 2 find that

most of the quarrels are resulting where these elementse!ist in any one of the indiidual inoled in thediscussion:

- %mour propre. his is the most common of factors.When we are full of loe for ourseles, we need to beappreciated. hat and that alone ma$es our world moe.

hen there are those whose %mour propre is so inflatedthat whateer they do and say is infected by this element.he only way a relationship is possible with them is to$eep them perennially contented by praise and acceptancwhich suits them fine or rather if you loo$ deep into theirhearts, that is what they hae been aiming at all the time- Self-alidating. We alidate our amour-propre in many

ways. ou paint a picture and somebody li$es it. ou singand somebody praises it. ou coo$ dish and all relish it.hese are ways of self-alidating. Many li$e to find faultsand proe them-seles superior. hey are tuned to say theopposite of whateer and neer allow a fault or error to goun-noticed or un-announced. Witticism is generally at plahere. hese are the most annoying of all and my way withthem is simple: aoid them# do not accept their e!istenceie them no alue at all. Pray that they will go and pestesomebody else.

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- Poor Cistening is another factor. We )ump toconclusions and start )udging, mostly negatiely eenbefore we hae heard the other guy out. his is mostly ineidence when you are not interested in listening at all as

it might mean change or e!tra duties to lie with it andwho wants that6 %nd if perchance you are able to showthem the error of their ways, they will fight it out to proethat they were neer wrong Ethat they can eer be wrongis out of the questionF and that the basic mista$e was inyour presentation or use of a wrong word or something.Our preconceied notions $ic$ in to )oin the fray and a

reasonably good fire-laden argument can be enisaged.- ?nowingly elligerent. When we $now we are in thewrong what do we do6 ry to coer up. %nd one of themost effectie ways is by way of confusing the issue. 2n aplace li$e the office or home this is possible and oftendone with great panache and much more often than not.We can een loo$ for scapegoats. 2n the office we are safe

from physical assault and other agencies cannot butt inand then we hae witnesses all around. So it is safe andwe may get away with apparently although behind ourbac$s we may be disli$ed. ut in issues and localeswhere mere words will not help, li$e a scrape in the openwhere a scooterist slips in front of your car and you end upthrowing him off, what do you do because the big questionis who is really in the wrong6 ou $now it is not your faultbut do you thin$ the scooterist will let you hae your wayand quietly wal$ off6 ;e will accuse you of hitting himfrom behind and you are in the soup@ Other agencies in the

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form of a crowd and police may butt in and you might )ustend up paying heftily for something you are not at faultfor. 2 hope you would $now what to do because to date 2hae not waited to find out 7 if possible and if 2 am sure it

was not my fault, 2 use the technique of shooting off in myehicle and hae often been chased but running away hasbeen always my style and 2 adise you to do the same in alcases where a regular, sensible and equitable discussion isnot possible or will not eer be allowed to be.

9 2tre"enforces my own view that at the ase we are anasty 2 narrow"minded people. More interested in

imposing ourselves than anything else. We do not spare

our children, women or animals. We control ourselves

only when we are afraid 2 know that the other party can

do us harm or in sheer selfishness.

We are in #ross error if we think that Mother earth wil

7uts sit there and our ause and refuse is not going to

come ack to haunt us. 9oon we shall e neck"deep in our

own garage. 'he population figures are now so high that

we will e left with no option ut to eliminate in a

calculated manner at least half of the humans so thatsome of us can mange and survive.

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n ndia we have, (or rather we used to have " the cell

phone has evaporated it) that once we accept one

(contact%friend) into our life, once the arrier of

0acuaintance0 is crossed then the person ecomesrother%sister%uncle%aunt or son%daughter. &nce this

line is crossed then there are no 7udgments. &nly

acceptance.

2ar'ic Ana$#sis in Se$%3!+grading

2n a general way most understand the theory of ?armafrom the point of what was /(O"01. % little introspectionand quiet contemplation will reeal two things: GF that thecourse of our lies is ,ased 'oreon the things that were"O (O"0# the decisions which were not ta$en# Fthat at eery moment we are gien a simple choice ofsaying /yes1 or /no1 # this determines the course of our

lies.

2f our lies are in a mess or things are not going forward aswe had hoped, all we need to do is loo$ bac$ and discoer

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the steps we did not ta$e when we should hae and thesteps that hae brought us to this impasse. he coursecorrection is then obious and the best way to deal withthe moment is by ta$ing the path that we should hae but

did not ta$e and do it as soon as possible with intensityand sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negatesome of the effects of the past doings or not-doings.

he truth is that deep in our hearts we all $now where weare going wrong and where we hae gone earlier. We arewell aware of our lacunas but coer it with coats of

appearances as if what the others /see1 of us is moreimportant than liing our lies to our heart=s content. Weput all our energies in $eeping up the pretence of being ontop of the world and loo$ for magical solutions# if notsolutions then at least e!cuses that will allow us to holdour head high and show to the world how well we areholding on in this un$ind world.

Man$ind is terribly cleer. Statements li$e 7 /0erything ispreordained1# /2f it is in our destinies it will happen1# /2tis all in the stars1# /od wished it this way1 and manyothers in the same hue sere us well to sit bac$ andlament our condition rather than do something about it.Our minds can place arguments from old sayings andproerbs and other great minds to proe our point as ifarguing and conincing our neighbor is the final answer toour woes.

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absoles them from the effort to ma$e the necessarychange and correction in their lies.

Sit down and analy+e your $armic path up to date. Study

your own nature and note the actions and reactions thatyou are prone to. Wor$ out the steps that you can ta$ewith immediate effect to alleiate or bring in the wantedchange and go ahead 8 ta$e the first step. his is psycho-analysis of a $ind. ou will reali+e soon enough what iswrong and why. hen the solution will become obious in aflash and you will be free to start all oer again with a new

path opening out in front of you. our effort is an integralpart of your destiny. ou will reali+e that you hae beengien some positie strea$s in your nature which are yourstrengths and also some negatie strea$s which are yourwea$nesses. ou are required to learn from life=sincidences and oercome the negatie turns in your life byusing your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmfu

possibilities that happen from your negatie attributes.

- We are so usy eing clever that we have no time to

intelligent.

9ee what we have done with the nternal Iomustion

ngine, lectricity, 4uclear


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is one way in which it gives itself a sense of superiority 2

importance to tell the world how ale it is in handling and

perceiving comple+ matters " of course in comparison to

the aility of the rest of the world which it feels couldlearn something from him 2 feels free to criticise, even

denigrate at every opportunity.

Humans prefer to live in a restricted comfort 1one and

would rather complain than do anything aout it. When

they can achieve their ends y cheating and e+ploiting

the gulliility of others, why should they actdifferently

What is '# Identit#4

Canguage is seen in its simplified incarnation as a tool forcommunication but this is a superficial iew. Canguage hasa profound influence on our thought and behaiorpatterns.4irstly the words you use and the control you e!ercise in

phrasing and ma$ing sentences gies your inner personalityaway. 2t also gies an insight into the machinations of yourimagination and conscious thoughts. So it can also be usedto mas$ certain thoughts and put in otherAs minds e!actlythe thought process we desire to.

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Secondly, the language forms our character. he styles inwhich our thoughts and feelings are presented throughwords influence our behaior. When you are using gentlewords and phrases li$e in >rdu and 4rench, it is not so eas

to be blunt and rough. his eentually gets imbibed tosuch a degree that the personAs nature gets shapedpermanently.

- 'ita wrote: &Pradeep P$ Maheshwari, han$ you for youinteresting thoughts. ut 2 am pondering more about inthe 2ndian conte!t. 4or e!ample, if one uses mainly

0nglish, as opposed to an &2ndian& language, do we loseour cultural identity6 2f we do not dress in ourtraditional way, does it affect our cultural identity6Ci$ewise with music, food and so on.&

2t all depends from which perspectie you are loo$ing at.One is local and the other larger broadminded one. 4or

mentally emancipated people, there are two Eor eenmoreF personalities always that they pro)ect themselesin. One is priate and the other public. hese people haemultiple tools aailable to them and they use them all asthe situation requires and demands. 2t is difficult to pin anidentity on them. he broader and higher e!posure theyhae in life with more cultures in their actiities the more

aried is the forms that you will see. ut in priate life,which others do not always get to see, they arethemseles.he opposite is conersely true: people coming from erylow leels of e!posure hae narrow perspecties, smaller

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ocabularies, and limited tastes in dress and food andiewpoints# including sub)ects of interests and habitswhich immediately place them.

(ress and food are more a matter of geographicalnecessities but become habits and identity tags.

- 'ita Putatunda: %gain you leae me with the dilemma which is the true identity, what is identity6 2 haedifficulty in pinning an identity on myself, and in alarger sense, to 2ndia, itself.

here is no such thing as identity. ou are first a ;omosapiens. hen you hae a place of birth. hen of courseyou hae a set of parents who are from a particularcommunity. hese are labels and more in the realm ofstatistics. his is followed by your education which israrely connected or limited to your community


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way - it gies them a so called identity to be arrogantabout but it is definitely not their real persona.

9 ;umanseven with all the skin and meat on them, have

the same appetites. &nly the dogmas%pre7udices we

entertain are different. 5ut the pride with which

consider our selves separate 2 e+clusive%superior is the

same.

D illions of us, and we fail to see the similarities! 4owthat is the special part in us.

N!'ero$og# in R

>sing e!otic systems to assess potential capabilities ofcandidates is nothing out of the normal. %strology hasbeen used in management of business and $ingdoms sinceplanning began. oday we hae many more simple systemsli$e numerology and graphology to fall bac$ upon. 4romthe pragmatic point of iew 2 would say there is nothing

wrong in depending on the data proided by these systemsif you tend to trust them and een more so if theinterpreter of signs is trustable. here is of course a big 24inoled and you may lose a good candidate by aspectingtoo much on )ust the numbers and others signs without

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ta$ing into account mitigating factors and the sterlingqualities of the candidate.

2 will admit that 2 hae used numerology and graphology

with some success in my own life.he basic facts that these systems proide are enough toguide us on to the correct path or at least gie indicationwhich way the wind is blowing. ut it is best $eptpersonal. here are too many factors at play. One of themis /0ffort1 and this should also be ta$en to mean that oneshould continuously ma$e the effort to learn about one=s

profession and connected sub)ects as much possible toarrie at mature and correct decisions.

ut this essay is more to highlight the dependency shownby aspiring candidates themseles in such esoteric scienceto land )obs or plan their ne!t career moe. he focus on/$ismet1 seems to me inordinately high. % young man once

phoned to as$ me if he would pass in his e!am. Myresponse was that if he studied and prepared well for thecoming test, he should certainly succeed. ;is response isindicatie of the attitude of today: he told me if 2 sawsuccess in his life then he would put in the effortotherwise what was the point of it all6@

2 met some people yesterday and thought it would fruitfulto put down the e!perience on paper to share.

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% mother along with her daughter paid me a isit to ta$eadantage of my practical $nowledge of numerology to$now how things would wor$ out with her daughter but shewould not let the daughter spea$. 2 stopped her right ther

and as$ed her to $eep herself in the bac$ ground forawhile so that 2 could hear the daughter=s ersion. Whathad transpired was something li$e this: he girl wasobiously brought up with only one end in iew: -marriage. She had been through the entire 2ndian schoolprogram, yet she obiously was not conersant with herbasics on any sub)ect. 2 did not thin$ it wise to as$ too

much about the school. ;ow these young people manageto get through the e!ams beats me. %nd what $ind ofteaching is going on in our schools would be a goodquestion to pose. he girl spo$e only her dialecticalersion of her mother tongue. She had no 0nglish and nopractical $nowledge of anything at all. o top thiscombination, life played her a bad tric$. he parents in

their e!alted wisdom married her off at the age of GQ. Shehad a child when H# a separation at G and at the age ofR a depression.She has been trying to loo$ for a )ob since the last Hmonths with no success.

What was 2 to do6 "umerology had no role to play here.he daughter=s 3 &When will 2 find a )ob6& really had noreply as such in my boo$. So 2 thought 2 would be bluntlyhonest and told her that getting a )ob is easy when you aretrained for one. 5obs are essentially a barter system at

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wor$. ou gie in term of wor$ and you get paid for it.What e!actly had she done in that line6 ;er answer reallyput my pragmatism on hold. She told she neer got thetime. With a mother running her life and not only thin$ing

for her but also proiding her with all she could want, shehad not een learnt to coo$ a simple omlette. ou want toma$e an omlette# you hae to brea$ the egg. ;er culinaryprowess was limited to phone in a pi++eria. 2 wonder ifparents reali+e what harm they do to their children byoer-cuddling and at the same time oer-patroni+ing themhere is also this oer dependency on the education

system to instill all the worldly, social, inter-personal andother $nowledge required to naigate thru life. 0en ifthey are being raised for marriage, don=t they see thatmarriage requires inter-personal and household s$ills ofsome leel of proficiency6

So 2 adised her to acquire some basic s$ills li$e selling to

begin with. She could begin by )oining a corporateshowroom in the sales dept and acquire e!perience. Sideby side 2 felt she would do well to learn both ;indi and0nglish properly, more suitable for the world at large. %llthis with a focus on eentually getting into a morespeciali+ed career as needed in call-centers or )uniore!ecuties in corporate offices.

2 now understand the comments being made bymanagement seniors that our young people are not reallyemployable. 2t is so sad.

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9 5ad relationships ring out the instinctive persona in

us and we can see ourselves as if in a mirror. When we

decide to change for the etter from within, thisactivity tends to intensify in life. verything and

everyody then ehave as if they are helping us y

tempting us to lose our cool. Figilance is sorely reuired

and we grow into a etter 5eing in spite of ourselves,

assisted y the instructions of our teachers who e+hortus to finer things.

/a5ing Notes-

Some reflections hae been heay on my mind lately. Withthe information-oerload and the speed now aailable tous, this question has ta$en a serious importance. Sometime ago 2 was reading some en writings and one thingthat was made clear is the nature of the human mind as a

collector. We loe to collect things, data, memories andbric$-bats. % student as$ed me why we should not read allthat comes to hand and this is what 2 responded with: Thehuman mind at its present level of development is a

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collector. It collects data for data/s sake. It also feels veryknowledgeable and can spout )uotes and passages onevery sub%ect and considers itself wise. To himself he isawesome and often wonders why others cannot see it this

way. 0ften the ego over inflates and all further seekingstops. The mind takes the mantle of teacher and guideand wherever possible will 1control2 all around it. 3utthen all this focus on statistical info data of all sortsend in attempt to codify and arrange it all in a reasonablepattern" and this blocks it. 4o read as much as you can budo not end up (ocusing more on #our collection o( books

than learning (rom them.

hen this morning 2 read this quote by *huc$ Palahniu$which too$ my breath away as it confirmed my ownreading of ma$ing the most of this life gien to us: / hebest way to waste your lifeis by ta$ing notes. heeasiest way to aoid liing is to )ust watch. Coo$ for the

details. 'eport. (on=t participate.1

2 remember something li$e he Mother of Pondicherrysaying that one should act first and thin$ later. 2n strictopposition the world adises to thin$ before leaping andserious reflection etc. So here was a contradiction interms. Why are people spending so much time in planningthen6 Cater it became clear. 2n plans and pro)ects on theworldly plane planning is necessary for correctimplementation. he decision ta$ing part is where thisreflection comes in# if we reflect too much, then we may

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neer do it. he same applies in personal lies. 2f we thin$plan and debate too long we may end up not doinganything at all. %t the spiritual leel where 2 suppose theadice of he Mother is really alid, we then aoid the

e!perience which will bring us wisdom and enlightenment

here is an age in our lies when we do want to learn andbetter ourseles. We read, collect quotes and boo$s whichgo into the drawer


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philosophy that is aailable and being made aailable thrumedia of all $inds, one does tend to wonder for a second iit is changing their thin$ing and acting patterns6 %re theyapplying any of it in their actions and lies6 2 do not

beliee they do. Wa$e-up calls are ta$en only when a crisideelops.

9 Whenthe mind is constantly kept a u11 with

something or the other, it cannot receive or get out of

the vorte+ it has created for itself. t is unale touieten itself. f it has nothing etter to do, it will

simply go around in circles. 'he mind helped humans to

get out of the instinctive patterns ut then now stands

stuck in its own mire* loated, arrogant 2 closed to

newer patterns.

think of the past in shorts selectively. 'he incidents

that feel should not forget ecause would tend to

repeat them and that revisions of lessons are necessary

live in the present etter ecause am keeping an eye

on myself.

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O!r ,eha"io!r in +ers+ecti"e-

On this 3: oday 2 scolded the watchman of my buildingery badly he was notswitching on the water pump...

Cater when 2 saw his eyes they were full of tears .;aealways triedtal$ing politely with him but he has always ta$en me forgranted today 2scolded so finally he switched it on...

What is the ideal way6 2 am not able to )udge whateer

which 2 did today wasthe right attitude or not.

My response:

he answer to this predicament is in deeloping a stablepersona which is first true to itself. 2f you had felt that hewas not doing his )ob, you should hae said so in a normalway right at the first instance. 2f you $ept silent, it meansyou gae tacit approal. %fter that if he began to ta$e thisas normal and too$ all of you for granted, why should he

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not6 2t neer would hae occurred to him that he wasbeing gien a lot of margin of error in his actions and thatyou were all being nice to him. ;e most probably thoughteerything was )ust fine and that he was doing a good )ob

because nobody was eer complaining.

his sub)ect has been on my mind lately because my wifehas the tendency to ta$e the same attitude. She will neelet show her true feelings. She will $eep silent and letothers do whateer they want at home and at wor$. henone day Eappro! after si! monthsF she will burst out in

anger not only complaining, but being abusie as well. 2hae been trying to drum this into her since ages that sheshould not allow a wound to fester. ac$le it immediately."eer let an unsaory situation to get off the ground. %stitch in time saes nine. So much heart brea$ and ill willcan be aoided by complaining softly before egos getinoled. his can be called being tactful.

Some fault for this situation can be laid on our upbringingand education. We are taught to be &"2*0A and polite and$ind etc. We are taught that good manners are better thanbeing true and clear. So of course, there is a gap betweenwhat we want to and what we do# with a lot of suppressedirritation or guilt.

We humans, tend to graitate between e!tremes, highlyinfluenced by the weather, J, neighbors and all that wehear and see. Our behaior tends to be ery inconsistent

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indeed. his is the entire focus of the teachings of heMother and Sri %urobindo. 4irst integrate your personalityinto a cohesie whole and then you will $now e!actly whatto do, precisely the action and attitude to ta$e at any

gien moment.

hen there are a lot of )udgmental people and for them 2had written an article sometime ago of which 2 repeatsome passages:

;ae you noticed how some people can spea$ their part

only in outbursts of some $ind6 hey would be otherwisenice, sane people going about their lies in a circularroutine that they hae built around themseles. et, undetheir calm e!terior there is always some undercurrent of)udgmental thoughts flowing quietly which, $eeps themperpetually irritated about something or the other.

2 hae noticed this in myself when 2 am driing. he needto focus on whateer others are doing is so strong to aoidcollisions because in (elhi one dries by the rule that ifthere is space one has to go in and fill it up or worse if youhae a bigger car, your self-importance gies you the rightto go ahead first. his creates a situation where you haeto drie with one eye on the rear-iew mirror and theother three eyes on the left, front and right. Of coursethere is also this continuous analysis that is humminginside the brain. %nd eery now and then, the perceiedstupidity of the other guy ents itself out in e!pleties.

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'he words of >rancis 5acon that say something like this

are important3 We think according to fancy, talk

according to education ut ehave y hait.

When &e are in error-

;uman beings are a funny species. hey hae manyconsiderations at any gien time floating in their heads, alclamoring for priority attention and this gies rise to errorin )udgment and decisions. 2f the error is not of great

importance li$e pic$ing up the wrong file for a meeting, itcan be rectified and the error is soon forgotten and coollyslips into obliion. ut often the error is of suchcircumstantial importance with many others inoledwhere there is no escaping the hullabaloo created in theform of a /situation1 and a serious embarrassment is gienrise to. 2t is in these cases that the human creatiity come

into play. 2 gie you here a situation to sort out.

2n a criminal case, the accused needed to be somewhereelse 7 a marriage in the family 7 on the date he was to be

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in court. ;is lawyer assured him that she would be able tohandle the situation with ease by as$ing for another datefor the appearance on the ground of ill health and thatthere would be nothing to worry. So the accused merrily

went on with his life. Cater in the day he found that the)udge simply would hae nothing to do with the lawyer=spleas and had issued a non-bailable warrant against him."othing could be worse as this could mean alsocancellation of his bail. ;ow would you handle it6

he young lady lawyer in question showed a courage and

presence of mind that was commendable. he ery ne!tday, she made another plea to the )udge in the presence othe accused and pleaded for clemency stating that it wasall her fault. She had misinformed the accused erroneouslyof the date and that he should not be punished for no faulof his. On this the )udge being a woman too, too$ a lenieniew and the "W was cancelled and the accused began

breathing again and his respect of the lawyer went up onenotch.

When in error few show this courage to come out clean orta$e it on them-seles to help somebody out. Our personaagendas normally win oer the need to go beyond our punyseles. 2t is such a sad reflection on this superior race thatwe profess to be. ;umans being what they are wouldnormally opt for first obfuscating the matter in such a waythat in the confusion the sub)ect gets carpeted oer. 2f thidoes not wor$, they loo$ for plausible e!cuses howeer

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far-fetched they may be and as a last resort for ascapegoat if one is coneniently at hand. his is ery easyto understand. % certain amount of narcissism is in all ofus. he element of anity does not allow us to present

ourseles as we are. We want to be seen as bright,capable, successful and master of the situation and willgenerally go to long lengths to put up a great show. %tleast that is what we thin$ we are doing.

2n the heart of hearts eerybody is fully aware of his


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go out the whole hog to ma$e sure that others see us thatway. 2t is a prison of our own ma$ing. his prison brings usstress and worries which we could well do without. hosewho are happy in their s$in could neer be bothered. hei

attitude is always towards accepting their error and swiftlgoing on to with their lies. 2f an apology is needed, it issincerely made and done with. %pologies hae a distinctproperty of diffusing e!plosie situations and smoothingout any misunderstandings and ta$ing the wind out of thesail of other=s indignation.

;ow many of us hae the courage to own up6 Why do westill continue to point fingers6 %re we not eoluting orlearning from our e!periences and education6 2 wonder.

9 hemind is not our enemy ut an undisciplined friend

ecause our gaming persona wants it so. t is theinstrument that makes play in the physical world

possile.

s it its fault that we do not train it adeuately

h! 'raining and practice are different things. lot of

people practice only in thought, some in words and some

do physical e+ercises ut their minds are elsewhere,always remain the untrained monkeys.

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'he choice of living with one$s own mind is ours. 'he

mind cannot e lamed for anything. W train it and we

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Going up in life